- 7 hours ago
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🎥
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00:00Kicking us off as she does every year, the first lady of British folk music herself, Shirley Collins.
00:21Happy Eel Day, everyone.
00:25Adieu to old England, adieu.
00:30And adieu to some hundreds of pounds.
00:35If the world had been ended when I had been young, my sorrows I'd never have known.
00:47Once I could drink of the best, the very best brandy and rum.
00:55Now I'm glad of a cup of spring water that flows from town to town.
01:03Adieu to old England, adieu.
01:10And adieu to some hundreds of pounds.
01:13If the world had been ended when I had been young, my sorrows I'd never have known.
01:25Come on, town mouse. Wake up. Everyone's waiting.
01:36Stop smacking me.
01:38What do you mean waiting? Waiting for what?
01:41You. Eel queen.
01:43Me? Me? Eel queen? No. No. It can't be me.
01:49Please. Please. Stop. Stop. What am I wearing?
01:53You can't just knock people out and change their clothes.
01:57Help!
01:59I haven't got my pants on. I'm calling the police.
02:01Oh, no. It's Linda. It's Linda.
02:02It's Linda. It's Linda.
02:03It's Linda. Look.
02:04Please. Please.
02:06This has gotten way out of hand. I need to win you.
02:09All hail Linda. The first ever eel queen.
02:15All hail Linda.
02:17What? Why am I going in the water?
02:19Need to cleanse you before the festival. Just symbolic is all.
02:22Summer solstice. Death of the old, birth of the new.
02:26It's a joyful thing, Linda. Try and enjoy it.
02:39Don't worry. You'll be in and out like a Cantucci.
02:44Linda. As you make your journey through menopause,
02:48we baptize you with immersion.
02:51Using the cleansing and healing powers of water,
02:54signifying death, burial and resurrection,
02:59we celebrate your rebirth.
03:01As you share these magical waters with the eel,
03:04as it makes its way back to the Sargasso Sea.
03:07back to its destiny.
03:32This sounds like the miracles to me, Linda.
03:35Three cheers for Linda. Hip, hip.
03:37What makes you some bloody special?
03:39Nothing. That's fierce to friendship.
03:41What on earth?
03:42That's a woe.
03:43It's fucking eyes.
03:44Ah!
03:45OK.
03:46There was a trunk.
03:47Kids.
03:48Please.
03:49Hang the towels up.
04:03Hang the towels up!
04:13Oh, thank God.
04:16Oh, that's better.
04:23The procession starts at 3pm outside the Five Halls.
04:26You enjoy today, Linda.
04:28Well, I mean, I don't know what's going to happen.
04:30It's all getting a bit too Wicker Man for me.
04:34Joy! Joy!
04:36Uh-huh.
04:37Can I have a word with you, please?
04:39Oh, can I wait, Linda? I'm busy uploading everything onto the live feed.
04:42What's going on? Why did they pick me?
04:47The Eel Sisters wanted it to be a childless woman.
04:54Like them.
04:58I'm sure whatever you've done,
05:00you've done it for a good reason.
05:03You represent change, Linda.
05:06That's what today is all about.
05:08You're a menopausal woman passing through.
05:09Not only that,
05:11you brought the community together.
05:13The eviction notice.
05:15Faith's memorial.
05:17The men's menopause and curry night.
05:19You change people's minds.
05:21You make the perfect Eel Queen.
05:24Enjoy your moment.
05:25Oh, and smile.
05:26More.
05:27More.
05:28More.
05:29More.
05:30More.
05:31More.
05:45No, no, no!
05:46No!
05:48Kids!
05:49Did you see that?
05:50Did you see what happened?
05:52I gave you one job.
05:54Match it up, then put it in.
05:59They can't hear me.
06:02I can't believe it.
06:04Get this down to pig, man,
06:05and he'll get it down to the murderer.
06:07Right-o, Carm.
06:08Mind them fins.
06:09They're fragile.
06:11Almost done, Cinderella.
06:13Can I see?
06:14Yeah.
06:15Take a photo.
06:16Let me see.
06:23Let me see.
06:25Let me see.
06:27Oh, my God!
06:28I love it!
06:47Let me see.
06:51Let's just put...
06:52Match Tupperware.
06:54Don't match Tupperware.
06:56Match the Tupperware.
07:05What?
07:08Slow down, Siobhan.
07:10You've seen Linda where?
07:13What's Instagram stories?
07:16Is it on WhatsApp or another messaging?
07:19Send it.
07:20Hang on.
07:23All hail Linda,
07:24the first ever heel queen!
07:26All hail Linda!
07:29Well, no, I wasn't expecting that,
07:30but, you know...
07:34What do you mean she hasn't told anyone about us?
07:37Why would she do that?
07:39I...
07:40I've been here,
07:41run ragged the last few weeks,
07:42like a slave.
07:43like a slave.
07:44Literally,
07:45like an unpaid slave.
07:46Why would she
07:47not tell anyone about us?
07:50I'll tell you what.
07:51Time's up, Linda.
07:52I am not invisible.
07:54I am...
07:56That's my ankle!
07:58Can't you see me?
08:01Happy heel day, Jim.
08:02I've got something for you to try on,
08:05from the heel sisters.
08:16I'll watch the tree for you while you're gone.
08:32Kids!
08:33After a couple of hours of fishing with the lads,
08:49I'll be back before tea.
08:52Don't burn the house down!
08:53Welcome to the 2022 Eel Festival!
09:08As you know,
09:09we're doing things a bit different this year.
09:12We're still celebrating eels.
09:13Wouldn't be no eel festival without eels,
09:15but giving it a woman's touch.
09:18Yay!
09:19From time immemorial,
09:20we women have had masculine iconography
09:22and phallic symbolism shoved down her throat.
09:26From prehistoric cave art
09:28and Greek mythology
09:29to the totem of maples.
09:32I thought that maples represented crops
09:33coming up out of the ground.
09:34Well, it don't!
09:35It represents male fertility.
09:37It represents something coming up.
09:38It ain't no corset!
09:42So this year,
09:43it's going to be less of this
09:45and a bit more of this!
09:49What's up, lads?
09:50Female representations of fertility offend you?
09:52You was born out of one of these,
09:54unless you come out of some poor woman's asshole.
09:56What is it, though?
09:57Sheeling a gig, Brian.
09:59Medieval stone carving.
10:00Some say her as a fertility goddess.
10:02Some say an architectural grotesque to ward off evil.
10:05But we're reclaiming her as a woman
10:07who don't give a shit!
10:11For thousands of years
10:12we've been looking at men's willies.
10:14Well, you can look at our fannies for a bit!
10:19On our terms!
10:21Unbuckle me, Brian!
10:28Today,
10:29we celebrate women's transition
10:31from one world to the next.
10:33From puberty and menopause
10:35and finally rebirth!
10:37And as we mark the eel's final journey
10:39back to its birthplace
10:41in the Sargasso Sea
10:42to reproduce and die,
10:44let us also mark women's
10:46as she embarks on her final journey
10:49back to her true self!
10:52Thank you, Lyndon!
10:53The eel Queen!
10:59May all your transitions be joyful!
11:01May all your transitions be joyful!
11:03May all your transitions be joyful!
11:05May all your transitions be joyful!
11:10Will your partners be joyful?
11:11Will your partners be joyful!
11:14Woo-hoo!
11:16Who-hoo!
11:17Woooo!
11:18Woo-hoo!
11:19Woo-hoo!
11:20Woo-hoo!
11:22Woo-hoo!
11:23Woo-hoo!
11:24You look bangin!
11:25Well, thank God for that. It's a minefield for white people joy, all this blackface stuff.
11:31No, it isn't. Just don't do it to him.
11:43Wait for me! Wait for me! I'm one of the ill children!
11:48I'm one of the ill children! Made it for Gerard!
11:52You've got your fins!
11:55The first station is...
12:01Puberty!
12:02Puberty! Puberty!
12:05Would a girl like to come up?
12:07Willow!
12:09Puberty, where it all begins.
12:13As she transitions from childhood to adulthood, everything changes.
12:19No longer a child, not yet a woman.
12:22She tries to make sense of her unfamiliar change in body.
12:26It happens so fast, doesn't it, Willow?
12:36One day you're packing your favourite teddy for a sleepover and the next it's sanitary towels.
12:46Do you know how I dealt with my puberty, Willow? I became a goth.
12:52You won't think this because the world is doing a really good job of telling you the exact opposite.
13:02But what you look like is not the most important thing about you.
13:12That's right.
13:13So don't waste time comparing yourself to others or worrying about what other people think of you.
13:18And don't...
13:22And don't wait until you're 50 to love yourself.
13:25Because you, Willow, are brilliant and amazing and unique and there's no-one else like you.
13:32We're not meant to look the same. We're supposed to be different.
13:35Our fingerprints, our faces...
13:38Our vulvas.
13:40I wasn't going to mention vulvas, but now you have.
13:43Every single vulva in this procession today is completely unique and magical.
13:50Vulvas are like snowflakes made of gammon.
13:55Thank you, Willow.
13:58May all your transitions be joyful.
14:02May all your transitions be joyful!
14:06Go!
14:11Let's eat!
14:12Woo!
14:14Woo!
14:16Woo!
14:18Woo!
14:20Woo!
14:22Yeah!
14:24Woo!
14:26Woo!
14:28Go!
14:42Hey!
14:44You guys know Linda?
14:46Woo!
14:48Woo!
14:50Woo!
14:52Woo!
14:54Woo!
14:56Woo!
14:58Woo!
15:00Woo!
15:02Woo!
15:04Woo!
15:06Woo!
15:08Woo!
15:10Woo!
15:12Woo!
15:14Woo!
15:16Woo!
15:18Woo!
15:20The second station,
15:22menopause!
15:24Menopause!
15:26Would a menopausal woman like to come up?
15:28Sarah?
15:36Well, I'd just like to say,
15:38me and the lads was firmly against the womanization of the festival,
15:42at first, but, well,
15:44we think it's right women as a go, at last.
15:46And, well,
15:48we need to know about the menopause and all,
15:50so we can help our wives when they're fucking mental.
15:54Amen.
15:56Amen.
15:58Thank you, Brian.
16:00Nice to have a man's perspective on the menopause.
16:02Well spoken.
16:04Ravaged by menstruation,
16:06pregnancy, childbirth,
16:08breastfeeding,
16:10high heels and spandex.
16:12must now prepare for its final onslaught.
16:14Amnesia,
16:16anxiety,
16:18depression,
16:20cardiovascular disease,
16:22osteoporosis,
16:24and last but not least,
16:26vaginal dryness.
16:38I didn't know anything about the menopause
16:40until a man told me I was in it.
16:44I thought I had dementia.
16:46Are you too, Sarah?
16:50Without the menopause,
16:52I wouldn't have had the confidence to come here.
16:54I wouldn't have made new friends,
16:56I wouldn't be eel queen.
16:58And I know that every menopause is different
17:00and that a third of women will be having
17:02a really, really hard time of it.
17:04It hasn't been plain sailing for me,
17:06but I feel great.
17:08I really do.
17:10I feel liberated
17:14and powerful.
17:16Like I've joined a club
17:18of cool,
17:20wise, brilliant women.
17:22And I see them.
17:24And I know
17:26that they see me.
17:30I see you, Sarah.
17:36May all your transitions be joyful.
17:38May all your transitions be joyful.
17:40May all your transitions be joyful.
17:42May all your transitions be joyful.
17:44May all your transitions be joyful.
17:46May all your transitions be joyful.
17:48May all your transitions be joyful.
17:50May all your transitions be joyful.
17:52May all your transitions be joyful.
18:10The third station...
18:12Rebirth.
18:16As she approaches our final chapter,
18:19reborn woman realizes all the violations
18:22and inequalities our four mothers endured.
18:25The sexual harassment, objectification,
18:29unequal pay, molestation, the loss of autonomy,
18:33the belittling, the rape, the murder,
18:37the domestic violence, honor killings,
18:40female genital mutilation, breast ironing,
18:43arranged marriages, child brides, prostitution.
18:46Oh, ice cream.
18:48Oh, ask him if he does rum and raisin.
18:52Reborn woman realizes she will die
18:54before any of these are eliminated.
18:56Perhaps this is the cause of her anger,
18:59not the lack of estrogen.
19:01Yeah!
19:02Come on, Jackie.
19:03It's your turn now.
19:08Linda.
19:09This is what today is all about, coming out the other side.
19:22We recognize and celebrate you, Jackie.
19:24You made it.
19:25You made it!
19:26May all your transitions be joyful.
19:27May all your transitions be joyful.
19:28May all your transitions be joyful.
19:33Whoa!
19:35Whoa!
19:37Whoa!
19:39Whoa!
19:41Johnny, come on!
19:45Johnny, come on!
19:47Woo!
20:03Woo!
20:05Woo!
20:07Woo!
20:09Woo!
20:11Woo!
20:13Woo!
20:15Woo!
20:17Feather's memorial.
20:19Would you like to say a few words,
20:21eel queen?
20:23Yeah. Yeah.
20:25Okay.
20:27Um...
20:29As you all know, this was Feather's favourite spot.
20:31I never met Feather,
20:33but I know how important he was to the community.
20:37You'll all each have your own personal memories of him,
20:40both good and bad.
20:43And so let's take a moment to remember those now.
21:01That's all.
21:03Okay.
21:05Questions.
21:07Good.
21:09Yeah.
21:10Okay.
21:11Exactly.
21:12Okay.
22:46Maybe it's a magic dream.
22:47Who the fuck are you?
23:13Oh, Sally, my dear, it's you I'd be kissing.
23:37Oh, Sally, my dear, it's you I'd be kissing.
23:44She smiled and replied, you don't know what you're missing.
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