- 10 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00It's like our new neighbors are finally moving in.
00:07Ooh, I hope they're fun and nice.
00:09They're not.
00:10Babe, you haven't even met them yet.
00:13My point exactly.
00:15What kind of people don't introduce themselves to the neighbors?
00:17And especially with all that construction noise?
00:19I hate to say it, but I'm getting a tingle.
00:22What does that mean?
00:25The tingle is my intuition, and I hope it's wrong.
00:29Because one new neighbor can change the whole vibe of a neighborhood.
00:32Yeah.
00:34I just hope it's not another Dave.
00:38Me too.
00:39That'd be confusing.
00:42But maybe he could be New Dave, and I could be OG Dave.
00:46Dave, do you even know what that stands for?
00:49I want to say Olive Garden, but I feel like that's wrong.
00:52Nah, for you, it's right.
00:55Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood.
00:58Welcome to the hood.
01:06What the hell is that sound?
01:08It's 6.30 in the morning.
01:11Dave, don't take this the wrong way, but are you on bed?
01:15I wish.
01:16Instead of being gently stirred to greet the day by my aromatherapy white noise LED sunrise alarm, I was jolted awake by that.
01:26Wah!
01:27Wah!
01:28Wah!
01:29Wah!
01:30Dave, you don't have to do it.
01:31We all hear it.
01:32What the hell are those new neighbors doing over there?
01:35I don't know.
01:36Either they're building something or they're killing something.
01:39But either way, it needs to be finished.
01:43See, this is what I was worried about with new folks moving in.
01:46We have a way that we do things around here.
01:49Now, you go over there, you tell them how we do things around here.
01:53Why are you making me a Karen?
01:55I don't want them to hate me.
01:57Go on now.
02:00Tina, I'm wearing slippers.
02:02You cannot argue with people in slippers.
02:04What if things go wrong?
02:06No.
02:07I'm going to eat some grill.
02:11Fine.
02:12Go change.
02:13Fine.
02:14Yeah.
02:15By the way, you know, Calvin, I like the pajamas.
02:18Never pictured you as a pajama guy.
02:20Just laying in bed, all cozy.
02:22Dave, don't picture me in bed.
02:24One-button, collapsible, portable, lightweight in my eyes!
02:41I know it's a pain, but my mom really wants to take Daphne to the beach.
02:45So, your mama is in town babysitting for a whole week.
02:49What are you two going to do with yourselves?
02:51Ooh, I know what we should do.
02:52We should go to Long Beach Aquarium.
02:54I want to see them feed that red octopus.
02:56That sounds fantastic.
02:58But actually, I can't.
02:59I have a date.
03:03A date, you say?
03:04Yeah, just some guy I met on Tinder.
03:07Tinder, you say?
03:12That's great.
03:13Good for you, okay?
03:14That's great.
03:15Yeah.
03:16It's great.
03:17It's great.
03:18Yeah.
03:19Great, great, great.
03:20Marty, Marty, Marty.
03:21You are buffering.
03:25You're cool with this, right?
03:27With your date?
03:29Girl, of course.
03:30Ain't nobody worried about your date.
03:32No, I'm just...
03:33I'm just upset at this non-portable playpen that I hate with the fury of ten hells!
03:41We can help you out, little girl.
03:43Oh!
03:48I was gonna do that next.
03:49Yeah.
03:51Thanks, guys.
03:52Yeah.
03:53All right.
03:54Go on, get your groove back, girl!
04:00Okay.
04:01Okay, uh...
04:03What's going on?
04:04Going on?
04:05Man, nothing.
04:06I'm great.
04:07I'm great.
04:08I'm great!
04:09Don't start that again.
04:11It's fine.
04:12It's fine.
04:13Courtney and I are not a couple.
04:14You know, we're just...
04:15co-parents.
04:16So, she's going on a date,
04:18and I'm gonna see a red octopus.
04:20All right.
04:21Calvin, don't worry.
04:22If this goes sideways, I brought pepper spray.
04:23Damn it!
04:24It's just my inhaler.
04:25Hey.
04:26Neighbors?
04:27Hey, look.
04:28I'm Calvin, uh, right across the street.
04:29This is Dave, the next house over.
04:30Nice to meet you.
04:31I'm Zach.
04:32No C, just K.
04:33Okay, look.
04:34Here's the thing, Zach.
04:35This is a quiet neighborhood, and there is an awful lot of noise coming from your backyard.
04:40Oh, my gosh.
04:41It's my pickleball, isn't it?
04:42Then all I'm asking is, can you not play it at the crack of dawn?
05:01And maybe not at all.
05:05Oh, um, I'm so sorry.
05:07We didn't realize the sound carried.
05:08the sound carried how about we don't play till 9 a.m is that cool thank you we appreciate that
05:13you know how it is with pickleball you start playing you just can't stop no i wouldn't know
05:18i don't play sports that aren't sports wait you've never played pickleball you must it will consume
05:27you hey babe meet our new neighbors calvin and dave they are pickleball virgins
05:36oh my god well let us pop your pickles
05:44i'm sarah jessen a no h that's a thing with you guys huh but come on in we have extra battles
05:52you know doubles is twice as much fun as singles nah i'm good thank you you hear that babe
05:58i think our new neighbors are scared whoa whoa anybody scared to play you in baby tennis
06:06you must be from that generation that doesn't want to be beaten by a girl
06:13first of all we are allies and i will whoop a woman
06:20that came out wrong obviously whatever it's on let's pickle
06:24yours got it
06:38oh sorry calvin kitchen violation oh
06:41oh that's game you're a fast learner calvin okay hey uh one more game calvin no tina's been texting
06:51me plus i've been playing so long my drawers are sticking to my leg
06:55hey marty a little birdie told me courtney's back in these streets
07:12you know what if she's gonna get back in these streets there's no reason why i should not be in
07:25these streets so yes give me streets
07:29okay don't say it like that but it just so happens tomorrow night at ernie's bar i'm hosting a balloon
07:38pop oh what's a balloon pop oh i saw it on youtube it's a dating game where a line of beautiful women
07:45hold balloons yes and i'll bring out a single guy he tells the women about himself and the women who
07:49aren't interested pop their balloons i'm in all right i mean your phone's dry wait so i just stand
08:00there and let the women decide whether or not they want to go out with me yeah yeah pretty much you
08:05know what that would take the pressure off i am terrible at choosing women i always end up
08:10overthinking picking the wrong person yeah you do that you don't have to tell okay okay i know please
08:16you know what i'm in all right yeah i'll see you guys tomorrow okay hey give me some all right
08:22all right be fun marty in the street oh it's 50 a piece with a two drink minimum really train
08:29hey man you know when they say love don't cost a thing they lied
08:37dave hasn't come back have you heard from calvin no you know i knew i had a bad feeling about those
08:43new neighbors i bet you they're those perky chatty friendly types who insist on being your best friend
08:49and who pop over all the time tino you realize you just described us yeah but y'all grew on me
08:58hey babe oh there you are what took you so long we have been pickleballing pickleball is that what that
09:07noise was you know it's noisy but it's fantastic hey and you guys should meet our new neighbors the uh
09:16zerlikis they're fun fun people great host and you should see their dinks
09:24excuse me they don't get it they're not pee ballers get your foot off my counter
09:32no babe a dink is the word for a soft shot in the kitchen so you play in the kitchen
09:43you hear that calvin it's hilarious that's all right no okay the kitchen is a zone near the net
09:49where you're not allowed to volley so did you ask them to stop playing so early yeah yes yes
09:56no playing before 9 a.m boom oh but uh remember they have that brunch thing oh got about that
10:04yeah so except for tomorrow we're just gonna get a quick game in at 7 a.m
10:13all right look at that another love connection let's get these ladies some fresh balloons
10:19all right let's bring up our next bachelor marty
10:26good evening fair maidens wow okay won't you tell them something about yourself yes well uh i'm a new
10:40father uh no uh see i'm i'm i'm not with the mother it was a one night stand no no not like that she works
10:50for me you better start lying my truth is amazing fun fact about me i am quite literally a rocket scientist
11:03y'all don't like science what's wrong with you people
11:07all right well that went much faster than i expected
11:10uh hey that phone you're on that is science
11:20now y'all just wasting balloons
11:27oh oh my god
11:32that's calvin and dave isn't it hear that girlish grunt
11:35yeah that's dave oh this is so annoying we were gonna go fantasy bathroom shopping
11:45what the hell is that it's this fun activity where we plan a bathroom remodel that we can't afford
11:52that's the saddest thing i've ever heard
11:56actually that's sadder
11:58these women are brutal
12:06you know what that's okay i'm just gonna lay myself bare out there let the pops come
12:12the pops sting malcolm
12:15all right ladies your next victim is my boy malcolm
12:19whoo malcolm it's my brother this should be quick sorry sorry man uh hey my name is malcolm
12:31i'm a baseball coach at usc
12:38well don't get too excited i'm just an assistant coach i uh i can't be a head coach because i
12:44dropped out of college to go pro i did not make it yeah i got hurt both knees are gone it's bone on bone
13:02anyway uh after that i kind of spiraled down yeah until fairly recently i was living on my parents couch
13:14uh did you not hear him he said he was living on his parents couch on on his parents
13:31look marty i know you're not having the best of times but you gotta buy another drink it's a two-drink
13:37minimum
13:45okay hey pickle point
13:53oh yeah yeah you see that spin for the win baby
13:58come on baby sorry to uh win and run but gotta go ice my glutes
14:04no hang out stay for a victory beer i'm making some wings hey you ain't gotta twist my arm
14:12ow
14:15is there such thing as pickle elbow
14:18actually yes and dr zack says apply a cold beer to it stat
14:24can't argue with my doctor yeah i'll uh nurse one of those beers
14:29this guy's a riot you hear that calvin she thinks i'm a riot well she's dehydrated dave
14:40okay clearly i am not getting through to you uh my dating history is littered with broken relationships
14:46and i can honestly say that 90 percent of them were my fault i am terrified of commitment
14:54so i'm warning y'all you do not want this
14:57are y'all hearing me look i am a mess he ain't lying
15:10malcolm is a mess
15:12oh damn hey kayla
15:21ah kayla here comes papa palooza
15:27malcolm and i dated for six weeks and you know what he did what'd he do he ghosted me
15:32guilty as charged pop away but this this is a different man
15:43this is a vulnerable man this is a man who's been working on himself
15:49are you kidding me you know what give me one of those balloons i don't know no no ma'am you
15:57aren't in the game you don't get a balloon you don't tell me what i can't get but i just did
16:01though
16:09tina dave just texted that he's eating wings with the pickle people and i made dinner
16:17okay it's a heat and serve from costco but i heated it
16:20i burned it but he doesn't know that all right you know what i saw this coming i told y'all i got
16:31a tingle but nobody listened to me now i'm gonna be the one that's gonna have to shut it down oh here's
16:36your chance new neighbor 10 o'clock hi neighbors hey i just wanted to introduce myself and drop off a
16:43peace offering i know we've been making a racket no pun intended oh i'm allison oh isn't that sweet
16:52i mean we were just talking about how we were looking forward to meeting you i'm tina i'm jemma
16:59and intended or not that pun was delightful
17:05i cannot believe this all i wanted was one date without having to choose
17:09oh now i got seven women calling me
17:15i don't even know her name
17:20i hate you
17:25courtney what are you doing here my date was a little yes
17:32i don't know just kind of like yes yes
17:35yes he was a little off how unfortunate
17:45i had him drop me off here because i did not want him to know where i live
17:49oh so you let a crazy man the aisle house
17:54do you need a ride home would you i'd love to well i mean yes i can i got you come on
18:00this way all right marty smiling way too big emma yes how's this that's better okay
18:14marty don't skip
18:19that is so interesting i have never met a dental hygienist before well not one who didn't have her
18:27fingers in my mouth
18:30well now you have and i gotta say your gums are spectacular
18:39water pick
18:42you knew it oh well i've gotta run oh great meeting you
18:48you know calvin said how much fun you guys are you know what you all have to come over for dinner
18:54sometime and i am not taking no for an answer then yes
19:00hello hello hello hi you know calvin i owe you a big apology i mean i was so wrong about our new
19:07neighbors okay thanks uh but uh who's that lady
19:14who allison who's allison the woman you've been playing pickleball with you mean sarah who's sarah
19:22the woman we've been playing pickleball with i've never seen that woman before in my life
19:28yeah what's y'all talking about wait a minute now
19:38yeah look on the left that's zach's wife sarah but that's allison and she's putting her hand on
19:45zach's back that's just friendly now it's going down to her butt that's a little too friendly okay
19:55how are you doing hey now
20:00wow well now sarah and allison are holding hands okay zach's kissing sarah
20:07okay all right now gee now i'm kissing alice oh i knew it i knew it y'all the tingle is never wrong
20:15those people are freaky geeky
20:19okay zach with a k yeah looks like they're doing more than playing doubles over there you know
20:26can't wait for that dinner not gonna happen okay
20:36your pickleball days are over i just bought this whole outfit yeah and i just ordered mine
20:43what'd you say now yeah i can return mine i mean as soon as it come it'll just go right back
20:56so
21:08so
21:10so
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