- 10 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Okay, Calvin, before we go in,
00:06let's make sure we have our story straight.
00:08What story?
00:09We went to a sleazy casino on the state line
00:12where your dad was laundering stolen money
00:15and now he's in jail.
00:17End of story.
00:18Okay.
00:19Calvin, my dad apologized for getting us involved.
00:22And he did take the fall.
00:25He didn't take the fall.
00:27He did the crime.
00:28He is the fall.
00:30Hold on.
00:32Calvin, wait, hold on.
00:34Oh, Calvin.
00:35I need your advice on what to do with my dad's money.
00:38I'm not giving you advice, Dave.
00:39Okay, now, he did steal the money, which is bad.
00:43But he stole the money from bad people, which is good.
00:47Also, he put the money in an educational savings account
00:50for Grover, so, I mean, two goods outweigh one bad, right?
00:53David, I almost got hemmed up by your dad
00:56and his foolishness once.
00:58I am not in it.
01:01So you think I should give it back?
01:03I think that I'm never talking about this again.
01:07I will move, Dave.
01:09You've threatened that before.
01:11I'll just follow you.
01:12All right, you gonna go, girl.
01:22No, okay, okay, okay.
01:23Okay.
01:24You better go, girl.
01:26You better go.
01:26Oh, okay.
01:37Uh, dad, good evening.
01:40Well, it certainly seems to be a good evening for you.
01:45Uh, that, no, uh, that, uh, Courtney had a eyelash on her lip,
01:52and I was just helping her get it off.
01:54With your tongue?
01:55No, I had to, I had to blow it, like, like, like, oh, no, I'm not here with that.
01:59Wait, wait, wait, please, please, please.
02:00Don't say anything to mom.
02:03Courtney and I are in a really delicate place, and we're not sure where it's going.
02:06Nope.
02:07No need to explain, right?
02:09I'm not in it.
02:12Ow!
02:14Ow!
02:17Wow.
02:19You can tell that boy ain't got none in a minute.
02:23Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood, welcome to the hood.
02:32Oh, Dave, I'm so sorry.
02:35Yeah.
02:37It's bad.
02:38You just got your dad back in your life, and now you're losing him again.
02:43You poor, poor man.
02:45Thanks, honey.
02:48So, I hate to even bring this up, but...
02:51Are we going to keep the money?
02:52Are we?
02:54I want to so bad!
02:56Oh, not as bad as I do!
02:57Oh, I love you.
02:58I love you more!
03:00Um, but what do we tell Grover?
03:02Okay, all right, uh, you know, I think we have to tell him the truth.
03:06You know, if we're morally comfortable with what we're doing, well, we should be able
03:09to explain that to him.
03:11Totally agree, in theory.
03:13But I think the healthier thing to do for the child is to put a little spin on it.
03:21Till he's old enough to understand the-the-the nuance.
03:25So will I.
03:26Okay.
03:27I love you so much.
03:28I love you.
03:29I love you.
03:30Hey, break yourself, fool!
03:31Oh, God!
03:32Chili man gold.
03:33You fall for that every time, Barito.
03:34Yep.
03:35And you do it every time.
03:36What are you doing here, man?
03:37What?
03:38What, I can't stop by to see my old college roommate for no reason?
03:39No!
03:40You are here because you want something or you want to rub my face in something.
03:54Really, Malcolm?
03:55You think I would drive all the way up here just to tell you I'm Mountain West Baseball
04:00Coach of the Year?
04:03You already know that!
04:07Yes, I do.
04:10Whose Corvette is that?
04:11You know whose Corvette that is, baby.
04:13That's Chili Mango's Corvette!
04:15Chili!
04:17Chili!
04:18Hey, still doing that third-person thing I see.
04:21Hey, it's just Chili being Chili, baby.
04:24Good to see you, man.
04:25It's been too long.
04:26Come on.
04:27You got to do it for me, man.
04:28No, no, no, no.
04:29Chili?
04:30No, come on.
04:31You got to hit the window.
04:32You got to hit the window!
04:33You got to hit the window!
04:38Daddy!
04:41Wow.
04:42I don't know what this is, but I want in.
04:48Uh-uh.
04:49Dave, stop.
04:50Dave, stop.
04:51Dave, stop.
04:52Yo, Dave.
04:53Chili thinks this guy's got that magic in his head.
04:54How?
04:56All right, yeah.
04:57Who's, uh, who's Chili?
04:58He's Chili.
04:59Chili calls himself Chili.
05:01Ah, well, Dave thinks that is so cool.
05:05Look, I got a balance.
05:06I'm scouting a catch at John Muir High.
05:08But, Malcolm, we got to catch up, okay?
05:11Yeah, sure, sure.
05:12Um, we should get dinner sometime.
05:14Hey, well, no time like the present.
05:15Yeah, but, but, but, you know, I got this thing.
05:18Oh, come on, man.
05:19Forget your thing.
05:20How often is Chili in town?
05:22You're coming over for dinner tonight.
05:24Hey, Chili could wiggle that into a schedule, baby.
05:30His charm is infectious.
05:32How could you not love that guy?
05:33How much time you got?
05:39Good morning, Miss Tina.
05:41Hey.
05:42I'm just here to get Daphne's toys from last night.
05:44Okay.
05:45Beautiful day, huh?
05:47It's 50 degrees and overcast.
05:49That's earthquake weather.
05:52Well, it's been a while since we had a good shake-up, right?
05:57When those tectonic plates build up all that pressure,
06:01something's got to give.
06:05You know, it's, um, nice to see you in such a good mood.
06:09Like, you've been so stressed out lately.
06:11You've been wearing your shoulders like earrings.
06:15Really?
06:16Yeah.
06:17Well, I guess I have been a little on edge.
06:19But, hey, it's amazing what a good night's sleep will do.
06:24Mm-hmm.
06:27Morning.
06:28Good morning, Mr. V.
06:30I love that color on you.
06:34You two have a splendid day.
06:41I think I will.
06:47That girl has gone out and got her son.
06:51What?
06:52What would make you say that?
06:53Because I'm a woman, Calvin.
06:55I know what the afterglow looks like.
06:57Ain't the girl just be glowing?
06:59Uh-uh.
07:00Not like that.
07:01You heard her say splendid.
07:02You know, the last time I said splendid,
07:04you and I were naked in that waterfall in Ocho Rios.
07:10That was pretty splendid.
07:13Ooh!
07:14Poor Marty.
07:15I wonder if he knows.
07:16I think he still has feelings for her.
07:18Okay, Tina, I'm not in it.
07:20And you're not in it.
07:21So, let's stay out of it.
07:24You know there's no chance of that.
07:26I guess it is.
07:32Hey.
07:33Hey.
07:34Uh, is Grandpa here?
07:35No.
07:36Uh...
07:37See, Grandpa stayed in Nevada.
07:39He loves the desert,
07:40and he's thinking about living out there.
07:42Yeah, in a planned community.
07:45Uh, why is his car outside?
07:47Look at you, noticing things!
07:49Yeah, uh, well, you see, Grover,
07:53uh, lady luck shined upon your grandpa,
07:56and he hit the jackpot in the casino,
07:58so he bought a new car.
08:00Oh, that's awesome.
08:01W-what kind of car do you get?
08:03A Chevy.
08:04G-T-R...
08:06That's enough letters.
08:10But don't worry, he won't be gone forever.
08:12Okay, um, maybe I'll text him.
08:14Oh, no, no, no, don't do that.
08:16All right, are, are, are you two okay?
08:21Yeah, we're fine.
08:22Yeah.
08:23You okay?
08:24Yeah.
08:25Okay.
08:26Do your thing.
08:29That was close.
08:31This is the day he turns into frickin' Columbo?
08:37Calvin!
08:42What, Dave?
08:43I think Grover's onto us.
08:50He is asking a lot of questions
08:52about what happened to his grandpa.
08:54First of all, there is no us.
08:58Your son, your dad, your business.
09:00No, no, no.
09:01It is all of our business.
09:03If we tell Grover the truth about the money,
09:04he is going to be an accomplice,
09:06just like you and me.
09:07No.
09:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:09You have me confused with someone who's in it.
09:12But you agree that we should keep it.
09:14I mean, it's like you always say,
09:15when it comes to money,
09:16it's not where it's from, it's where it's at.
09:21I don't always say that.
09:22Yeah, but you're right.
09:24I don't think I've ever said that.
09:26Okay.
09:28Calvin, the important thing to remember is this.
09:30If Grover asks you anything,
09:33my father is living in a planned community in the desert,
09:36you don't know his new phone number,
09:38and he has a new car, a Chevy GTR.
09:41Chevy does not make a GT.
09:45Okay.
09:46I'll tell you what you're doing.
09:48I am not in it.
09:51And we're not talking about this again.
09:53Great.
09:54It's like you always say, tight lips, tighter hips.
09:58I have literally never said that.
10:07Oh, hey, Marty.
10:08Hi, Mama.
10:09So...
10:16Courtney seems well.
10:18Oh, she does.
10:20Very well.
10:21Good for her.
10:23You know, has anything changed in her social situation?
10:28Okay, okay, okay.
10:29I did not want to get involved.
10:31I just don't want to see you hurt.
10:33Well, I just saw her, and I can tell...
10:36she's seeing someone.
10:38She seems very, very, very, very happy.
10:43Really?
10:44Look, baby, you do not have to be brave in front of me, okay?
10:48Okay.
10:49Let the hurt out.
10:50Come on.
10:51Come on.
10:52Come on.
10:53All right.
10:54My poor baby.
10:57So, what is your deal with this chili guy?
10:59You don't like him, but you invite him over for dinner?
11:01No, Courtney.
11:02I did not invite him.
11:04What I said was, we should get dinner.
11:07Which everyone knows means we should never get dinner.
11:10I mean, yeah, what's not clear about that?
11:13It's like when me and you go out to eat, and I say we should split the check.
11:16You know I ain't paying.
11:19Well, exactly, but everyone doesn't fawn all over you.
11:22Chili gets away with murder because he's charming, and he's...
11:25He's got this inspiring story of coming over to America when he was a child by stowing away
11:30on a fishing boat.
11:32Hey, yo, Malcolm.
11:34Don't make a thug cry.
11:37Okay.
11:38Okay, fine.
11:39So, he's got a heartwarming story.
11:41So, that means I'm just supposed to overlook all the foul stuff he's done to me, all the
11:45times I covered for his ass, and yet he's the one that gets blessed with everything.
11:49Yeah, that's true.
11:51And he's always doing better than you.
11:55Hey, everybody.
11:56Hey.
11:57Oh, Malcolm.
11:58Mom wants you to go to Bristol Farms and get that French sour cream for the baked potatoes.
12:01Ah.
12:02Of course, because heaven forbid the great chili mango eats domestic sour cream.
12:08Yeah.
12:09Meanwhile, your mom gives me a cold Pop-Tart and calls us breakfast.
12:13She wrong for that.
12:14Man, you love Pop-Tarts.
12:16Yeah, the ones with frosting, and she knows that.
12:18She is sound asleep.
12:23Courtney, we have a problem.
12:25My mom knows that you've been pleasured.
12:30Excuse me?
12:31Sexually.
12:32Apparently, it is all over you.
12:37I shouldn't have gone over there.
12:39What was I thinking?
12:40That lady can see right through me.
12:42She knew I was pregnant before I did.
12:44I mean, we did a thing, but we don't even know if we are a thing.
12:47And now she's gonna make it a huge thing.
12:48No, no, no, no.
12:49The good news is she doesn't know that you hooked up with me.
12:52All she knows is that it was with someone who is great at sex.
12:58Get over it yourself.
13:00I'm just saying.
13:01You just gotta keep it cool for dinner tonight.
13:02I know it might be hard, but could you just try not to act like you didn't get your world completely rocked?
13:08Chili sauce.
13:09Hey, man.
13:10You know what?
13:11Out of all of Malcolm's friends, you're my favorite.
13:13Ah, hands down.
13:14I'm standing right here.
13:15I said what I said, Trent.
13:16So chili.
13:17So good to have you.
13:18Um, so tell me, what is Shohei Tani like?
13:21Ah, mama.
13:22Chili played two seasons with the Mariners ten years ago.
13:24He does not know Shohei.
13:25Oh.
13:26Actually, I do.
13:27I also played a few seasons in Tokyo.
13:28Really?
13:29Even picked up a little Japanese.
13:30Oh.
13:31Domo Arigato.
13:32Hell yeah.
13:33Hell yeah.
13:34Hell yeah.
13:35Hell yeah.
13:36Hey.
13:37Hey.
13:38Hey.
13:39Hey.
13:40Hey.
13:41Hey.
13:42Hey.
13:43Hey.
13:44Hey.
13:45Hey.
13:46Hey.
13:47Hey.
13:48Hey.
13:49Hey.
13:50Hey.
13:51Hey.
13:52Hey.
13:53Hey.
13:54Hey.
13:55Hey.
13:56Hey.
13:57Oh, uh, Jimma, Grover, meet Chili.
14:00Oh, Dave's been doing your wiggle all day.
14:03Well, he is quite the dancer.
14:05He's, uh, sure.
14:07Wait, so, so my dad said you were a mariner.
14:11Yeah, that's right.
14:12Uh, that's so cool.
14:13What kind of boat did you have?
14:14Oh.
14:15Excuse me?
14:16He's not into sports so much.
14:18Uh, was it a schooner?
14:19Oh.
14:20Oh.
14:21Oh.
14:22Oh.
14:23Marty, are you using a new sort of facial scrub?
14:26No.
14:27Why?
14:28Oh.
14:29Because you are glowing.
14:33You're getting it from somewhere.
14:38Oh!
14:39What are you doing?
14:40Get away!
14:41Get away!
14:42What?
14:43Dave just told me I was glowing.
14:46Well, I guess you've been pleasured sexually, too.
14:51It's all over you.
14:53Okay, okay, all right.
14:55I'm establishing a 15-foot perimeter.
14:57Do not violate it.
14:59Radius or diameter?
15:01You know damn well I meant diameter!
15:03Oh, Calvin, Calvin.
15:05Quick word.
15:06What?
15:07I know Dave's kept you in the loop on our little money situation.
15:11Uh, yeah.
15:12And I'm trying to stay out of the loop.
15:13I know, I know.
15:14I just, I want to reiterate how important it is that you don't say a word to Grover.
15:19Right.
15:20Right, right, right, right.
15:22You know what?
15:23I'm glad you reminded me because Grover and I were going bar hopping tonight.
15:27And, um, after a couple of long nicks, who knows what I might say, you know?
15:32Hey, Calvin, remember we went to see Malcolm and Chili play against UCLA, and Chili hit
15:38that walk-off homer?
15:39Oh, no.
15:40Yeah.
15:41That's when he did the dance at the plate.
15:43They showed it on TV and everything.
15:45Yeah, yeah, the Chili Wiggle.
15:47Uh-oh.
15:48Come on.
15:49Come on.
15:50Come on.
15:51Come on.
15:52Come on.
15:53No, no, no.
15:54Stop it.
15:55Stop it.
15:56Dave, for the love of God.
15:59There is no Chili Wiggle, okay?
16:01It's the Malcolm Wiggle.
16:03It was my thing.
16:04I used to do it in the dugout, and then Chili did it on ESPNU, and suddenly it's his thing.
16:09Y'all just don't get it.
16:10He didn't just take my dance.
16:12One time, he was about to flunk out of school, and he stole my tongue paper and put his name
16:16on it.
16:17Yeah, but y'all think he walks on water, but it's not true.
16:20I have to bail him out constantly.
16:22No, it's true.
16:23It's true.
16:24One time I took a credit card out in Malcolm's name, and we still owe Circus City 180 bucks.
16:31That's not funny, Pop.
16:33He's right.
16:34It's not, amigo.
16:36And that's just one of the many times I screwed over my friend.
16:39You see?
16:40Finally, the truth comes out.
16:41Yes.
16:42And the truth is, I'm an alcoholic.
16:45There you go.
16:46You say what now?
16:59That's the reason I'm here.
17:00I'm in a 12-step program, and I came to make amends with Malcolm.
17:04I'm sorry, brother.
17:05Oh, my God.
17:06For everything.
17:07Oh, my God.
17:08Oh, man.
17:09You're gonna be stuck, man.
17:10You know, drinking is really...
17:11Y'all have got to be kidding me.
17:14So, you're not here for a scouting trip?
17:17No.
17:18Don't be crazy.
17:19I got people that do that for me.
17:21It's just...
17:22It's so great to unburden, yes?
17:24If there's one thing I've learned from my sponsor, Robert Downey Jr., is...
17:27Uh, okay.
17:28Wow.
17:29Isn't that supposed to be anonymous?
17:31You're right.
17:32Our DJ taught me.
17:34The best part about being sober is, you can finally stop without the lies.
17:39The lies we tell other people, the lies we tell ourselves.
17:43Wow.
17:48Chili, would you eat a Pop-Tot without frosting?
17:51No, I don't think I would, amigo.
17:53Yeah.
17:55You hear that, Dave?
17:57Gemma?
17:58The lies you tell yourselves.
18:04What lies?
18:07Okay, fine.
18:09Grover, we should talk.
18:12We have some bad news about Grandpa.
18:15Is he dead?
18:16Oh, no.
18:17Actually, we have some good news, then.
18:18Come on.
18:22Calvin!
18:23Um...
18:24I just cannot stand seeing Marty like this.
18:27Like what?
18:32Well, he's so upset, he can't even be near Courtney.
18:36I think it's messed up for her to hang around here and play with Marty's emotions.
18:40I'm gonna tell her.
18:41No, no, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
18:43Look, I tried to stay out of it, but it looks like I got to be all up in it.
18:48Okay.
18:49Okay.
18:50All right.
18:51Now, tell me what I'm about to tell you stays between us.
18:52Okay.
18:53But you were right.
18:54Courtney is getting some.
18:56I knew it!
18:59From Marty.
19:01God, it's so good.
19:03Okay.
19:04All right, all right, okay.
19:05Put your arms down.
19:06Now, Marty and Courtney will tell everybody when they are ready.
19:09Okay.
19:10Okay, I got it.
19:11Okay.
19:12I know how to be cool.
19:13Yeah.
19:15So!
19:16Yeah!
19:18So good to see y'all here tonight together.
19:21You know, for chili.
19:23Well, y'all enjoy, okay?
19:25Okay.
19:26Okay.
19:31Ah!
19:32Yeah.
19:33She knows.
19:34She knows.
19:36Dad, I can't believe you told Mom.
19:38Look, she's your mother, but she's my wife.
19:41And you're not the only one that wants that glow.
19:44Who?
19:54So, it's okay to steal.
19:57See, that's the great thing.
19:59We didn't steal.
20:00We just accepted money that was stolen.
20:03Stolen from bad people.
20:06And wouldn't giving it back to them be worse than keeping it ourselves?
20:10Plus, they're all dead.
20:11I should've mentioned that point.
20:14I mean, we're not gonna give money back to dead bad guys.
20:17They'd be silly.
20:20The point is, is that money is gonna pay for your education.
20:24And you're gonna clean that dirty money by doing something good with it.
20:28Like, you know, going to college and discovering a cure for cancer.
20:32Not all cancers, just one is plenty.
20:35Or something environmental, like fighting climate change.
20:38That's a good one.
20:39Wait, so...
20:42Grandpa stole this money.
20:44Mm-hmm.
20:45And you guys took it, and because of that I gotta fix the whole world?
20:49Good deal, right?
20:52Man...
20:54Life is so unfair.
21:09You have to be honest.
21:12What's a good one?
21:13If anyone who has their own history, not as long as you can, you know?
21:14Have a good one.
21:15You're not us.
21:16You're not a good one.
21:17You're not a good one.
21:18Well, you're not a good one.
21:19Are you talking to me?
21:20ngà y.
21:22It's good.
21:23It's good.
21:25We have a good one.
21:27We have a good one.
21:29You're not a good one.
21:30But there's nothing.
21:31I'm not the best, but I'm not the best.
21:33It's good.
21:34We have a good one.
21:35We have a good one.
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