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00:00Homer and Marge Simpson's TV marriage has survived
00:03over 30 years of on-screen ups and downs,
00:06disagreements, temptations, and disasters.
00:17Yet at first glance, this couple appears fundamentally mismatched.
00:21What does Marge see in Homer, anyway?
00:24He's boorish, selfish, and dim-witted.
00:26Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter?
00:31He can't take care of himself.
00:33You've been eating that thing for a week.
00:35I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn.
00:37He neglects his wife and children to spend his time drinking
00:40at the local bar.
00:41Hey, put a coaster under that.
00:42And frequently making decisions that endanger his family.
00:46You took a new job in a strange town
00:48without discussing it with your family?
00:49Homer is less Marge's equal partner
00:52than a fourth kid she has to take care of.
00:54Yeah, Mom, you promised.
00:56Homer, I told you, don't call me Mom.
00:58So, on paper, Homer and Marge shouldn't work.
01:02Yet film and TV is filled with these uneven couples,
01:05where an attractive, smart, competent woman
01:08stands by a husband who's less good-looking,
01:11less impressive, and contributes far less to the relationship.
01:15Here's our take on why TV wives settle for mediocre men,
01:20Oh, homie!
01:21Why lopsided relationships can counter-intuitively last.
01:25And what Homer and Marge teach us about the way real-life marriage sometimes works.
01:30In a good marriage, you never say I told you so.
01:34Which is lucky for me because you're always right.
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02:06The Take.
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02:15I envy you and Homer.
02:17Why?
02:18If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand.
02:20All he ever did was eat, sleep, and drink beer.
02:23Your point being?
02:24Pop culture is crowded with examples of the lopsided couple.
02:28Maybe it's the classic beauty paired up with someone who's far less attractive.
02:32You are still the most handsome man in the world to me.
02:36I know, I mean, it doesn't make any sense.
02:39The go-getting career woman who's hooked up with a slacker.
02:42You only say don't drink and drive.
02:44Uh-huh.
02:44Don't drink and bone.
02:46Wow.
02:47Or the prim, proper woman married to a man who's morally suspect.
02:51My daughter is a princess.
02:54She could have had anyone.
02:55We're used to seeing this impeccable wife put up with the misbehavior
02:59of her mediocre husband, cleaning up his messes,
03:02and generally behaving more like his mother.
03:04All right, all right now, you're overstimulated.
03:08Let's get some beer in you and then it's right to bed.
03:11While examples of the mediocre TV husband
03:13range in the degree of their shortcomings,
03:16we can see a common profile for this character type.
03:19He lacks ambition, working dead-end jobs,
03:22with no hope or no desire of promotion.
03:25The plant called and said,
03:26if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
03:29Woohoo! Four-day weekend!
03:31He might have trouble holding on to the job he has already.
03:34Dad, get a job.
03:36You're trying to create drama because you're bored.
03:38He also tends to be lazy in his home life,
03:41content to leave the day-to-day chores or parenting duties to his wife.
03:45Yeah, well, you got the fun part right.
03:46Well, what's that supposed to mean?
03:48You're a lousy dad.
03:49When not at work, he can be seen lounging around the house,
03:52Yeah, it's a lazy dog dangling afternoon.
03:57shirking responsibilities,
03:59Come on, Ray, I'm serious.
04:00All right, all right.
04:05How come I'm the noise checker-outer?
04:07and failing to play the supportive, mature partner.
04:10My parents have separated.
04:12They're on the path to divorce.
04:17You laugh?
04:17No, no, no, no.
04:19Others around him may marvel at how he landed
04:21such a desirable wife,
04:23and frequently her family was, or remains, firmly against the match.
04:28You cannot marry Homer Simpson.
04:30I forbid it.
04:32Despite all these evident flaws,
04:34he has an inflated sense of self.
04:36I am smart.
04:37I am smart.
04:39Whether this misguided confidence stems from denial, ego,
04:43or an underactive brain that doesn't bother thinking too deeply about things,
04:47he tends to have positive self-esteem,
04:50and to feel pretty good about his life.
04:51I'm hoping to get a piece of your sugar chicken later.
04:55He barely seems to notice, or care,
04:57that his bad behavior can be tough for his family to endure.
05:00Sitcoms especially get mileage from the comedic tension
05:04created by pairing a subpar spouse with a competent one.
05:07No wife of mine is going to do dishes on Valentine's Day.
05:11Do these tomorrow.
05:12In one of TV's earliest examples, The Honeymooners,
05:15Jackie Gleason's Ralph Cramden was loud, arrogant, and often wrong,
05:19leaving it to the wisecracking Alice to put him in his place.
05:23I've had just as much of this as I can stand too, Ralph.
05:26Ralph was the blueprint for mediocre TV husbands that followed him,
05:30a model for everyone from Fred Flintstone and Peter Griffin,
05:34to Kevin James on The King of Queens, to, of course, Homer Simpson.
05:38Animation is built on plagiarism.
05:41If it weren't for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners,
05:44we wouldn't have The Flintstones.
05:46As the women's movement revolutionized culture in the 1970s and 1980s,
05:51TV Housewives yielded to ambitious career women.
05:54In response to this cultural shift,
05:56mediocre husbands on sitcoms became even more like cartoons.
06:00Many of these men seemed like relics of another time,
06:09with retrograde behaviors that symbolized a bygone era.
06:13It says that a woman should cleave into her husband.
06:18Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavers belong.
06:22Their inadequacies were no longer to be celebrated,
06:25but mocked by the women who were forced to put up with them.
06:28Chicken plucker pays more than a shoe salesman.
06:35Uh-oh. Must have good personality. Oh well.
06:39Marriage mismatches remain comedic gold to this day.
06:43Jeez, Lois, I just spent all morning on a boat with my friends,
06:45drinking beer, telling jokes, and screwing around.
06:47How about a little me time?
06:49Take Beth and Jerry on Rick and Morty.
06:51This intelligent horse surgeon is saddled to the quintessential,
06:55underachieving, petulant spouse, and won't quit him,
06:58much to the chagrin of her father.
07:00I remember the first time I saw her, I thought,
07:02I should get her pregnant and then she'll have to marry me.
07:04So given this portrait, why would any woman,
07:07let alone a real catch, fall for this guy?
07:10Marge, I need you more than anyone else on this entire planet
07:14could possibly ever need you.
07:21You don't have to join a freak show just because
07:23the opportunity came along.
07:24You know, Marge, in some ways,
07:26you and I are very different people.
07:28In some ways, mediocre TV spouses are simply a reflection
07:32of what's going on in the real world.
07:35A 2019 study found that there are large deficits in the supply
07:39of potential male spouses, because available men have less than ideal income,
07:44education levels, and employment.
07:46So it follows that, if they want to marry a man,
07:49many women do have to settle for someone who's less high-achieving than they are.
07:54Multiply the denominator and the whole number,
07:57then add the product to the numerator.
07:59The sum will be the new numerator.
08:01Repeat the process with the second compound fraction.
08:04There's also the long-observed phenomenon that opposites attract.
08:08The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University.
08:11She, a brilliant exolinguistics major.
08:14He, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of exolinguistics.
08:18According to Psychology Today,
08:20these opposites might more accurately be described as complements,
08:24calling their differences the source of the most important aspect
08:28of any successful relationship — chemistry.
08:31When Homer and Marge first meet, she's a model student
08:34and a sharp, politically-minded star of their high school debate team.
08:37The first step to liberation is to free ourselves
08:40from these male-imposed shackles.
08:43Homer is decidedly not such an academic star.
08:47Hey, Homer, your life for English!
08:49English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.
08:52These high school sweethearts find each other in detention,
08:55where they've landed for very different reasons.
08:58So, uh, what are you in for?
08:59I'm a political prisoner.
09:01They have that intangible chemistry that arises from tension,
09:05recognizing almost instinctively that their imbalances
09:08actually complement each other.
09:10Because I'm sure we were meant to be together.
09:13Superficially, Homer and Marge reflect the classic shotgun marriage,
09:17two partners who are forced to commit by a pregnancy.
09:20Son, you gotta marry that girl!
09:22Because it's the honorable thing to do?
09:24No!
09:24Because you'll never do any better!
09:26But while the extenuating circumstances surely helped Homer
09:29make what is clearly the best decision of his life,
09:32Woohoo! Woohoo!
09:34Yeah! She's gonna marry me!
09:36best decision of his life,
09:38Woohoo! Woohoo!
09:39Yeah! She's gonna marry me!
09:42In your face, everybody!
09:43They don't fully explain why intelligent, independent Marge agrees to marry him,
09:48nor do they account for her obvious affection for Homer.
09:52You don't know Homer like I do.
09:54He's sensitive and sweet.
09:56Marge, get your butt out here!
09:59So what does Marge see in him?
10:02While it might not make sense to anyone outside their marriage,
10:05Marge is obviously very physically attracted to Homer.
10:08Homie, you're good at lots of things.
10:10Like what?
10:12Like snuggling?
10:14Through thick and thin, with hair and without,
10:17Marge has always found Homer undeniably intriguing, even sexy.
10:22Homer, maybe it's the champagne talking,
10:26but I think you're pretty sexy.
10:29As Psychology Today observed,
10:31we are drawn to others out of needs and desires
10:34that are unfulfilled in our lives.
10:36Despite her prudish exterior,
10:38Marge has a wild side that longs to cut loose.
10:41I'd like a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream
10:44and some chocolate chip cheesecake
10:47and a bottle of tequila!
10:49In Homer's impulsivity and self-indulgence,
10:52perhaps she gets a vicarious thrill,
10:54a small taste of the freedom and excitement she denies herself.
10:58Studies have found that women are often attracted to men
11:00who display qualities like arrogance, stubbornness and risk-taking,
11:05bad boys who seem like good candidates for sexual mating.
11:09Complimenting all his wild and stupid antics, though,
11:12crucially, Marge loves that, at his core,
11:15Homer is a sweet, loving man.
11:18You are how I pictured my husband.
11:20I am?
11:21Well, you may not look like Ted Bessel,
11:23but you're just as nice.
11:25She recognizes that his thoughtlessness isn't out of malice,
11:29and, deep down, he has a good heart.
11:32Marge, from the first moment I saw you,
11:35I never wanted to be with anyone else.
11:38I don't have much to offer you, except all my love.
11:43In fact, she chose him over her prom date, Artie,
11:46because she realized Artie was a jerk and Homer was decent.
11:49I got a problem.
11:51Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you and kiss you,
11:55and then I'll never be able to let you go.
11:58And most fundamentally,
12:00their dynamic speaks to Marge's deepest desire,
12:03to feel needed.
12:04I know now what I can offer you that no one else can.
12:08Complete and utter dependence.
12:10Marge is a nurturing figure who derives
12:13most of her fulfillment from her family.
12:15The only thing I'm high on is love.
12:19Love for my son and daughters.
12:21And although it can be stressful,
12:25Marge not-so-secretly enjoys being a caretaker to her family,
12:30which includes Homer.
12:31Marge, there's a spider near my car key.
12:35You did the right thing by telling me.
12:38In the real world, marriage usually changes men.
12:41A 2018 University of Georgia study found that most men
12:45become more conscientious and responsible after becoming husbands.
12:48This might explain why the idea that women can fix men
12:51through commitment remains a common trope.
12:54A guy is a lump like this donut.
12:56Okay, so first, you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him.
13:02And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap
13:04that they pick up from the beer commercials.
13:05And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.
13:09And perhaps this is another reason why the competent woman
13:14is drawn to that mediocre man.
13:16He's clearly got room for improvement.
13:18So he's a bit of a fixer-upper, so he's got a few flaws.
13:23With encouragement and tough love, her thinking goes,
13:26she can mold her husband into a better version of himself,
13:29thus yielding her a sense of achievement in her marriage.
13:33He was loud, crude, and piggish.
13:36But I worked hard on him, and now he's a whole new person.
13:40Mom, he's a whole new person, Lisa.
13:44Mediocre husbands on TV are a different story, though.
13:48They have to stay who they are to keep things entertaining.
13:52Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table.
13:55Homer Simpson hasn't really changed at all,
13:58which is, of course, a hallmark of the show.
14:01It seems like I've been wearing the same red dress forever.
14:04Fans have wondered for years why Marge hasn't just wised up
14:08and divorced Homer already.
14:10And although the pair has come close,
14:12something always brings them back together.
14:14I know you love me.
14:16We don't need to get married again.
14:18Yes, we do.
14:19I got us a divorce this afternoon.
14:21What?
14:22Ultimately, it's the continuing, fixed opposition
14:25that fuels their solid partnership.
14:27As Psychology Today puts it,
14:29the tension between opposites produces the passion
14:32that sustains, deepens, and enlivens relationships.
14:36Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
14:40Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
14:43After more than 30 seasons of not improving
14:46and still challenging each other,
14:48they remain the most resilient fictional relationship on television.
14:52Best kiss of my life.
14:55Best kiss of your life so far.
15:03Marriage is a lot like an orange.
15:06First you have the skin,
15:08then the sweet, sweet energy.
15:11So what lessons can the rest of us learn from this perfectly imperfect,
15:15balanced by imbalance, marriage?
15:18First of all, choosing a subpar partner may not be the worst thing.
15:22A 2008 study published in Journal of Family Psychology found that
15:26both spouses behaved more positively in relationships
15:29in which wives were more attractive than their husbands.
15:32I love being married.
15:35I got a good deal.
15:38Must be hell on you.
15:39Yeah.
15:40The Simpsons' union has survived, in large part,
15:43due to managed expectations.
15:45Marge knows that Homer will screw up,
15:48and she sets the bar accordingly.
15:50The only thing I asked you to do for this party
15:52was put on clothes and you didn't do it.
15:54But she also knows that Homer means well and wants to make her happy,
15:58so she's able to share her feelings when he disappoints her.
16:01But last night, you didn't just cross that line,
16:04you threw up on it.
16:06In return, Homer's willingness to listen and admit when he's wrong,
16:10and their ability to have this kind of open communication,
16:13make the difference between a marriage that's difficult,
16:15but loving, and one that's doomed.
16:18Even when you yell at me, I can see love in your eyes.
16:20Stick to the subject.
16:21Haha, you love me.
16:24On a deeper, human level, couples like The Simpsons
16:27also expose that we all have our flaws,
16:30even someone as outwardly perfect as Marge Simpson.
16:33For the first time in our marriage, I can finally look down my nose at you.
16:37You have a gambling problem.
16:40Seeing only the binary cliché of the mediocre husband
16:43and the long-suffering wife is reductive,
16:46and doesn't reflect the nuances of most real-world relationships.
16:50Ultimately, Homer and Marge have stayed together
16:53for so many years because they get each other.
16:56Wow, Marge, you really do understand me.
16:58They're complementary opposites, who accept each other's differences,
17:02and enjoy the passion sparked by the tension that creates.
17:06It's like you're from Venus.
17:07And you're from Mars.
17:08Oh sure, give me the one with all the monsters.
17:11Perhaps most importantly, Homer knows just how fortunate he is.
17:16Love isn't hopeless.
17:17Look, maybe I'm no expert on the subject,
17:20but there was one time I got it wrong.
17:23And Marge feels gratitude too.
17:26I am lucky.
17:27I have a husband and three wonderful children.
17:30So after three decades and counting,
17:33Homer and Marge give us all hope that even the most mismatched couple
17:38can find their own imperfect harmony.
17:41There's a reason two people come together and stay together.
17:44There's something they give each other that nobody else can give them.
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