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00:36Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:37I am Roy Wood Jr.
00:39In the news this week,
00:41airlines react to the government shutdown.
00:45I'm active, but I don't need to die away.
00:49America celebrates National Coming Out Day.
00:52For the first time in 40 years,
00:54I'm going to be able to live my life.
00:58And finally, some good news.
01:02Some in this room are going to prison, myself included.
01:06On Albert's team today,
01:08he is the host of The Right Time
01:10with Beaumont Jones Podcast,
01:11and he's a first-round draft pick
01:13in my Emmy Award-winning sports journalist fantasy league.
01:16It is Beaumont Jones.
01:20And joining Michael, you know her,
01:22from Late Night with Seth Meyers
01:24and The Amber Ruffin Show,
01:26where she developed her bitter, lifelong rivalry
01:29with Amber Ruffin.
01:30It's Jenny Hagel.
01:34Now, for the biggest stories of the week.
01:37Black people.
01:38Yes.
01:40Watch the clips and tell me,
01:43what is the story?
01:44Okay, so, oh, this lady won.
01:47That lady won.
01:48That guy, he fucking won.
01:51So, this has to be about the fact that
01:54Democrats won everything,
01:57and our torture is done.
02:02She was flowing on the first half of that.
02:04Yeah, yeah, she got a little ahead of herself.
02:07Yes, on Tuesday,
02:09it was pretty much a sweep for the Dems,
02:10or, as the pundits put it...
02:12A blue wave.
02:13A blue wave.
02:15The blue wave.
02:15Blue wave.
02:16Democrats swept races up and down the ballot
02:19from coast to coast.
02:20This is an anti-Trump thumping
02:22across the country.
02:24Trump thumping.
02:25I will say,
02:25that's how you know Democrats are doing great.
02:27We're like,
02:27we won, too.
02:28It's a blue wave.
02:29And I'm like,
02:30all right, guys.
02:31What's the Republican line
02:33on why the Democrats did so well?
02:35There's been a few.
02:36The first was,
02:37it was just blue states,
02:39so it doesn't count.
02:41Trump said,
02:42it's because he was not on the ballot.
02:45But, let's be honest,
02:47Trump was on that ballot.
02:50You know what?
02:50I don't know what their theories are,
02:52but I know why.
02:54Because a lot of people lost their jobs
02:57and had free time to fucking vote.
03:00Yeah.
03:04Points on that.
03:05Keep in mind,
03:06like, Virginia,
03:07the Democrats swept
03:09all of their elections.
03:10Virginia is currently being governed
03:13by a Republican governor.
03:15The people say
03:15that Democrats only won in blue states,
03:18but the truth is,
03:19they did not.
03:20Democrats didn't just win in blue places.
03:22They broke the supermajority
03:23in the Mississippi State Legislature.
03:25They flipped seats in Texas
03:26that had never even been competed recently.
03:28I'm sorry,
03:28did she say Mississippi?
03:30Yeah.
03:31Yeah.
03:31They might be a blue wave.
03:33Shit.
03:34Are you serious?
03:34Tuesday saw record voter turnout
03:36across the country,
03:38with voters excited to cast ballots
03:39in places from New York to New Jersey
03:42and Maine and Georgia,
03:44Kansas and Kentucky.
03:45Why was the enthusiasm
03:47for the Kentucky elections
03:49so unusual?
03:51Because all that fried chicken.
03:55The excitement around the Kentucky elections
03:57was unusual
03:58because there weren't any elections
04:00in Kentucky on Tuesday.
04:02On the morning of Election Day,
04:05the Kentucky Secretary of State tweeted,
04:07quote,
04:07We're getting calls
04:08about polls being closed.
04:10They are closed
04:11because we do not have elections today.
04:14Kentucky votes next year.
04:16You cannot vote today in Kentucky
04:18for the mayor of New York City
04:20or the governor of Virginia.
04:23Sorry.
04:24That's what happens
04:25when your whole state
04:26is just full of bourbon.
04:27I tell you what,
04:30I like that Eric Adams fella
04:32for the mayor of New York.
04:34That's what I like.
04:35How many people have to call
04:37before the Secretary of State
04:38is like,
04:39Somebody give me my phone.
04:41Hey!
04:43Unlike Kentucky,
04:44New Jersey and Virginia
04:45did have elections this week.
04:47And in New Jersey,
04:48even though polls showed
04:49a dead heat
04:51between Democrat Mikey Sherrill
04:53and Republican Jack Cittarelli,
04:55Sherrill won
04:56by more than 13 and a half points.
05:01You normally get beat down
05:02like that in Jersey.
05:03They bury you out there
05:04in the pine barrens.
05:06Also, Cittarelli,
05:07how you gotta name
05:08that Italian and lose
05:10in Jersey?
05:13Like, I would just run,
05:14my poster would just be my name.
05:16It'd just be like...
05:17Hey!
05:19In Virginia,
05:20you had Democrat
05:21Abigail Spanberger
05:22up against Republican
05:23and Joanne Fabric's manager
05:25who's fed up,
05:28Winsome Earl Sears.
05:30How you Republican and lose
05:31with a rifle in the picture?
05:32Like, the rifle...
05:33You know the answer
05:34to that question!
05:36You telling me
05:37rifle don't offset
05:38black women...
05:39Rifle magnifies
05:41her blackness.
05:42When you're black and unarmed,
05:44you're less black.
05:45Yeah.
05:46Once you hold a gun,
05:48then you are more black.
05:50So she was...
05:51I'm gonna say
05:52black and a half.
05:53Okay.
05:55Everybody's trying to figure out
05:56exactly what explained
05:58all of this happening
05:58this week.
05:59Question.
06:00What's one demographic
06:02that might account
06:03for the big swings
06:04this time around?
06:06Uh, Latino men
06:08went crazy red
06:10last time
06:11and now are going
06:12crazy blue
06:12this time.
06:14So I'm gonna say
06:15Latino men.
06:15Hmm.
06:16CNN projects
06:17she'll win
06:18the Latino vote
06:19in the state
06:19by 39 points.
06:21That's what a lot
06:22of Democrats
06:22are talking about
06:23for a month.
06:24What is going to happen
06:25in North Jersey?
06:26How sticky
06:26are those Hispanic voters?
06:27Okay.
06:31Well.
06:32Jenny?
06:32Jenny, don't hit him.
06:34I have to...
06:34Jenny?
06:35I'm Puerto Rican
06:36and I don't care
06:36for us being
06:37described as sticky.
06:40There's been a narrative
06:41that after 2024...
06:42Roy, I just want to say
06:43there was a time
06:44on this show
06:44and it wasn't
06:48so long ago
06:49when a captain
06:50would give
06:51the correct answer
06:52and our host
06:54would award points
06:55to that captain.
06:56Hey, everybody.
07:02Look at Michael.
07:03He was correct.
07:04He knows the news.
07:05Oh, good job.
07:11Michael!
07:12Michael!
07:13Michael!
07:14Michael!
07:15Michael!
07:15Michael!
07:17There's been
07:17this narrative
07:18after 2024
07:19that Latino voters
07:20were abandoning
07:21the Democratic Party
07:22in mass
07:23but, uh,
07:24question,
07:24what happened?
07:25It might have
07:26something to do
07:27with the fact
07:28that Latinos
07:29are routinely
07:30getting kidnapped
07:31on the streets
07:31of America
07:32and thrown
07:34into detention centers
07:35without any due process.
07:37That's my guess.
07:38I mean, it's a theory.
07:39Yeah, I mean...
07:40CNN talked
07:41to one Latino voter
07:42in New Jersey.
07:43Here's his perspective.
07:45A lot of Latinos,
07:45though, in this area,
07:46they went for Trump
07:47last time.
07:48Uh, do you think
07:49that's gonna happen again?
07:51Uh, no.
07:52Deep political analysis.
07:53You're like,
07:54nah, no.
07:55Yeah, I don't even know
07:56what the I was for.
07:58Yeah, yeah.
07:58I didn't know
08:00what you was gonna say.
08:01Now, it wasn't just
08:02candidates on the ballot
08:03on Tuesday.
08:04There was also
08:04a big ballot initiative
08:06in California.
08:07Let's get some more
08:08information on that.
08:09Give me some more
08:09Jake Tapper.
08:10CNN projects
08:11that Californians
08:12have indeed voted yes
08:13on the state's
08:15newly drawn
08:15congressional district map
08:16aiming to help Democrats
08:18win an additional
08:19up to five U.S.
08:20House seats
08:21in the 2026
08:22midterm elections.
08:23Well, hang on.
08:27Let's talk about this
08:28for a second.
08:29Question to the panel.
08:30Where do you stand
08:31on Democrats
08:32with the redistricting
08:33fight that's happening
08:34right now?
08:34I don't know
08:35if I understand
08:35enough about it
08:36to know,
08:36did they restore
08:38district lines
08:39to something more fair
08:40or did we just
08:41fight gerrymandering
08:42with gerrymandering?
08:43No, no, no.
08:43They cheat.
08:44Sometimes the only way
08:45to win,
08:45if you cheat,
08:46I gotta cheat.
08:46And this is why
08:47we didn't work out.
08:51If you are
08:52the governor
08:52of the state
08:53and maybe one day
08:54think you might
08:54want to be president,
08:55maybe it wasn't
08:56that magnanimous
08:57just throwing it out there
08:59because now I'm going
08:59to have to vote
09:00for Gavin fucking Newsom.
09:02Now, of course,
09:03the biggest win
09:03of the night
09:04came here
09:05in New York City
09:06where the race
09:07for mayor
09:08was won
09:08by assemblyman
09:10and dude
09:10who seems like
09:11he has Elmo's
09:12phone number,
09:12Zoran Mamdani.
09:15Zoran defeated
09:16former governor
09:17Andrew Cuomo
09:18at, uh...
09:19Don't...
09:22Well, Cuomo's
09:23gonna be all right.
09:23He can return
09:24to his old job
09:25of being the villain
09:26from The Mask.
09:28Now, obviously,
09:30a lot of people
09:31are wondering
09:31what it means
09:32that a 34-year-old
09:35Muslim Democratic
09:36Socialist
09:37was elected
09:38to lead
09:38the greatest city
09:39on Earth.
09:41What do you think
09:41the vibes were
09:42on election night
09:44over at Newsmax?
09:47I think it was
09:49Chicken Little vibes.
09:50Let's take a look.
09:51Let's face it,
09:52uh, we're pretty up front
09:53about our opinion,
09:54but, uh,
09:55we try to play, uh,
09:56pretty straight
09:57with the facts.
09:58Uh, it is what it is.
09:59Uh...
10:00And the fact is
10:00New York City
10:01voted in a communist.
10:02It's still
10:03very, very perplexing.
10:05Okay.
10:06What do they think
10:07communist means?
10:08I think they
10:09think their taxes
10:10are going to
10:11go up
10:12one to two percent.
10:14Okay.
10:15He wants to feed people
10:16and get them
10:18homes and places.
10:19Wait.
10:20That doesn't matter.
10:20You're making it
10:21sound good, Amber.
10:22He also wants
10:23to make the buses free.
10:26As if the bus
10:27isn't free already.
10:30Anybody stopping you
10:32from getting on the bus?
10:33Now, it wasn't just
10:36bleak over at Newsmax.
10:37Cuomo supporters
10:38were also beside themselves
10:40on election night
10:40about the defeat.
10:42Question.
10:43Who did the Cuomo supporters
10:45blame for his loss
10:47to Mom Donnie?
10:49They did what you always do.
10:50You blame the guy
10:51in the funny hat.
10:53Yes, yes.
10:54Cuomo supporters blamed
10:56Republican candidate
10:57and cat fancy centerfold
10:59Curtis Sliwa.
11:01Seen here with three
11:02of his closest
11:03policy advisors.
11:05Here's one Cuomo backer
11:07explaining why
11:08and warning
11:09the jargon here
11:11is a little technical.
11:13Hey, Curtis.
11:14You're a fucking scumbag
11:15like I said all along
11:16all these months.
11:17You split the fucking vote.
11:19You were a scumbag.
11:20I hope every New Yorker
11:22spits in your fucking face
11:23every single day.
11:25You fucking sold out
11:27like fucking...
11:28You just sold out
11:29fucking Jesus.
11:30Go fuck yourself.
11:34How did that guy
11:35not win governor
11:36of the future?
11:38Anti Mom Donnie Force
11:39is clearly
11:40aren't taking this
11:41victory from Mom Donnie
11:43lying down.
11:44What did a lot
11:45of Zoran haters
11:46threaten to do
11:47if he won?
11:49Pay for the bus
11:50anyway.
11:54Millions are fleeing
11:55the city
11:56any way they can
11:57on scooters,
11:58on bicycles,
11:59in taxi cabs.
12:00They're running, baby.
12:01They're running.
12:01People said
12:02they'd consider leaving
12:03include Barstool's
12:04sports founder
12:05Dave Portnoy
12:06and Manhattan
12:07grocery store
12:08magnate
12:08John Katsimatidis.
12:09Is that a different
12:10guy than the guy
12:11who was yelling
12:11at the camera
12:12or something like that?
12:14Both of whom said
12:15they would move
12:16their companies
12:17to another state.
12:18Another person
12:19who said
12:19they would move
12:20is also one
12:21Andrew Cuomo
12:22who said back in July
12:25we either win
12:27or even I
12:28will move to Florida.
12:30God forbid.
12:31He clearly
12:32did not want to win.
12:34Did the entire
12:35audience say
12:36bye in New York?
12:39Bye.
12:40Bye.
12:41So all three
12:42of those men
12:43said they would move?
12:45Yeah.
12:45Yeah.
12:45So we'd lose
12:46our three
12:46handsomest residents?
12:48Well if the Democrats
12:50are feeling good
12:50maybe they shouldn't
12:52because according
12:53to Laura Ingraham
12:54So by winning
12:55Democrats are
12:56in a way losing
12:57because they're
12:58going to simply drive
12:59more people
12:59to the red states
13:00where life is easier
13:02safer
13:03and less expensive.
13:04I have been
13:07living in
13:07Savannah, Georgia
13:08a red state
13:09for the last
13:10four years.
13:12The idea that
13:12red states are
13:13somehow better
13:14or easier
13:14or cheaper
13:15it's nonsense.
13:16I got robbed
13:17in Savannah
13:17in 2006.
13:19How many times
13:20do I have to
13:21apologize for mine?
13:24Michael and Jenny
13:25watch the clip
13:25tell me
13:26what's the story?
13:28Oh that's
13:28that terrible place
13:30that we live in
13:30yeah.
13:31Clothes.
13:31Oh yeah
13:32this is the federal
13:32shutdown
13:33nothing is open.
13:34It's the shutdown
13:35is continuing
13:35having a series
13:36of domino effects
13:36on the country
13:37and uh
13:38and we're hoping
13:39to get the government
13:39reopened sometime soon.
13:41Final answer.
13:42The story is
13:42Trump's government
13:43shutdown is now
13:44the longest
13:45in U.S. history
13:46uh federal employees
13:47aren't getting paid
13:48Americans aren't
13:49getting assistance
13:49and even Trump
13:50says he wants
13:51to end the shutdown.
13:53Question
13:53what did the president
13:55do last weekend
13:57to help end
13:58the shutdown?
13:59He went golfing.
14:01Oh no
14:01it was worse than that.
14:02Worse than golfing.
14:03Oh that's right
14:03he had that party
14:04to the great Gatsby.
14:06Trump had a great
14:07Gatsby party.
14:09I think it's perfect
14:10because the great Gatsby
14:11is about a guy
14:12who pretends to be
14:13wealthy when he's not.
14:14Oh.
14:15You know Jenny's
14:16going to make a point
14:17when she starts
14:18playing the piano.
14:22Also
14:23gotcha bitch
14:25ba ba ba ba ba.
14:26Um.
14:27That was House Speaker
14:30Mike Johnson
14:31describing the
14:32never ending shutdown.
14:33He said something
14:34along the lines of
14:35hey what can we do?
14:36We're just the Republicans.
14:37We don't control
14:38anything.
14:39We don't know
14:40how to fix this problem.
14:41Here's Mike.
14:42The Democrats
14:43have painted themselves
14:44into a corner Joe
14:45as we've discussed before
14:46because this really was
14:47as some people say
14:48the Seinfeld shutdown.
14:50It's a shutdown
14:50about nothing.
14:51If there's anybody
14:52that knows a lot
14:53about nothing
14:54it's Mike Johnson.
14:55Yes.
14:56I don't know
14:56anything about that.
14:57I didn't see the interview.
14:58I'm not sure who was there
14:59or what the purpose was.
15:00I didn't talk with him
15:01about that.
15:01I haven't had time
15:02to get the details.
15:03Okay.
15:03That's still on my list
15:04of things to do.
15:04I'm not following
15:05all the twists and turns.
15:06That's not my lane.
15:07You can say whatever
15:07you want about Mike Johnson
15:08because he ain't going
15:09to never see it or hear it.
15:10Nope.
15:12Why does Trump say
15:14that the shutdown
15:14needs to end?
15:16Because it's hurting him.
15:19He didn't say that
15:19but that's the reason.
15:20Yeah.
15:21Trump thinks the shutdown
15:22is why the Republicans
15:23lost so many elections
15:25this week.
15:25Well the shutdown
15:26and one more reason.
15:28The shutdown
15:28was a big factor
15:29negative for the Republicans
15:31and they say
15:32that I wasn't on the ballot
15:33was the biggest factor
15:34but I don't know
15:36about that
15:36but I was honored
15:37that they said that.
15:38He's like
15:39I'm honored
15:39that I'm the reason
15:40it went badly.
15:41Yes.
15:41Yes.
15:42That's literally
15:42what he does.
15:43He'll take anything
15:44and make it into a compliment.
15:45What does Trump say
15:46needs to happen
15:47to end the shutdown?
15:50Supreme obedience.
15:54Or get rid of the filibuster.
15:57There we go.
15:58As election results
15:59rolled in on Tuesday night
16:00Trump posted quote
16:01Republicans
16:02terminate the filibuster
16:03get back to passing legislation
16:06and voter reform.
16:07President DJT.
16:09We know it was you.
16:12You the only one on Truth Social
16:14ain't nobody else on that shit.
16:15There was one thing
16:17that happened on Friday
16:18that had a chance
16:19at ending the shutdown.
16:21Schumer
16:22I believe
16:23got into the well
16:24of the Senate
16:24and said
16:25I'm willing to negotiate
16:26on X, Y, and Z
16:27and apparently
16:28it looked like
16:28that was going to happen
16:29for a minute.
16:30Schumer took the floor
16:31and made a new proposal
16:33to extend ACA coverage
16:34for exactly one year.
16:36Here's CNN
16:37with the breaking news.
16:38Now included
16:39in their proposal
16:40is a one year extension
16:41of the Affordable Care Act
16:43subsidies
16:43which has been
16:44the central demand
16:45of Democrats
16:45over the entirety
16:46of the 38 plus days
16:48shutdown.
16:49The Republicans
16:49rejected Schumer's
16:51proposal
16:52but the whole idea
16:53honestly
16:54is just about
16:54consolidating
16:55Republican power
16:56and pushing
16:57voter reform
16:58through Congress.
17:00Uh
17:00what kind of
17:01voter reform
17:02exactly
17:03is Trump looking for?
17:05Every Republican
17:06votes three times.
17:09Only people
17:10over 70
17:10can vote.
17:11Trump wants
17:13to end
17:14mail-in voting
17:15and institute
17:16strict
17:17new voter
17:18ID laws.
17:19Here he is
17:19making his case.
17:20All we want
17:21is voter ID.
17:22You go to a grocery
17:23store you have
17:24to give ID.
17:25You go to a gas
17:26station you give ID
17:26but for voting
17:28they want no voter ID.
17:29There's only for one reason
17:30because they cheat.
17:31Maybe Trump
17:32only go to Costco
17:33and he think
17:33that's how all
17:34grocery stores work.
17:35He looks like
17:37a Costco guy.
17:38He at least
17:39looks like
17:40a $1.50
17:40hot dog guy.
17:42He looks like
17:44a $1.50
17:44hot dog.
17:49Now
17:49in case
17:50there's any
17:50confusion
17:51on grocery
17:52store
17:52ID laws
17:54CNN
17:55actually did
17:56a full
17:57fact check
17:57on the president's
17:59claim
18:00it is false.
18:02Now
18:03since nobody's
18:04getting paid
18:04TSA workers
18:05are calling out
18:06sick
18:07and security
18:08lines are
18:08lasting hours.
18:10And yes
18:10air traffic
18:11controllers
18:12are calling out
18:12too
18:13and transportation
18:14secretary
18:15Sean Duffy
18:16had this warning.
18:17You will see
18:18mass chaos
18:19you will see
18:20mass flight delays
18:22you'll see
18:23mass cancellations
18:24and you may
18:25see us close
18:26certain parts
18:26of the airspace
18:27because we
18:27just cannot
18:28manage it.
18:29So wait
18:29the people
18:30who are
18:31there
18:31are not
18:33getting paid?
18:34No.
18:34Wait
18:35I'm so sorry
18:36they woke up
18:38took a shower
18:39got dressed
18:40and went to
18:41work
18:41knowing
18:42they wouldn't
18:43be paid?
18:43We don't know
18:43the shower part
18:44for sure.
18:46But the rest
18:47of it
18:47yes absolutely.
18:48But like
18:49you ever worked
18:49at a like
18:50restaurant or
18:51whatever
18:51and people
18:51call out
18:52sometimes
18:52the manager
18:53got to
18:53work the
18:53grill
18:53shouldn't
18:54this
18:54be in
18:54a tower
18:55somewhere?
18:56Or like
18:57on the ground
18:57like doing
18:59the thing?
18:59They're bringing
19:00people from
19:00Hudson News
19:01up to the
19:02tower.
19:04We'll be right
19:05back.
19:15Welcome back.
19:17It is time
19:17for Lie Curious.
19:19I give you
19:19three biographical
19:20details about a
19:21public figure
19:22but only one
19:22is true.
19:24You have to
19:24guess which
19:24is the truth
19:25and which
19:26are monstrous
19:27despicable
19:28lies.
19:29Time for
19:29three facts
19:30about
19:30Kash Patel.
19:33See him here
19:34finally learning
19:35which ones
19:36were the good
19:36guys in
19:36The Sound of
19:37Music.
19:39Our facts
19:40are he
19:41briefly went
19:41back to
19:42high school
19:42in his
19:43twenties.
19:44He appears
19:45as a juror
19:46on three episodes
19:47of Law and
19:48Order.
19:48He moonlights
19:49as an ice
19:50hockey defenseman.
19:52Wow.
19:52Which one
19:53is the truth?
19:54I feel like
19:54it can't be
19:55number two
19:55because that
19:55would have
19:56been a meme
19:56a long time
19:57ago and I
19:58am imagining
19:58being a defendant
19:59and your life
20:00is on the line
20:01and you look
20:01over at the
20:02jury and that
20:02dude is looking
20:03at you like
20:03that.
20:07Truth is
20:08the answer
20:08is number
20:08three.
20:09Kash Patel
20:10moonlights
20:10as an ice
20:11hockey defenseman.
20:13For over a
20:14decade Patel
20:15has played
20:15hockey on
20:16weekends for
20:17a club team
20:17that is oddly
20:18enough called
20:19the Dons.
20:22Now Patel
20:22had a bit
20:23of a scandal
20:23involving a
20:24recent flight
20:25he took.
20:26Question.
20:28Does anyone
20:28know why
20:29people were
20:30upset about
20:31his aviation
20:32habits?
20:32Because his
20:33girlfriend who
20:34he took the
20:35FBI private
20:36plane to
20:37visit is a
20:38country music
20:39star that
20:40nobody's
20:40heard.
20:42People were
20:43mad because
20:43Kash Patel
20:44reportedly took
20:45an FBI jet
20:46to watch his
20:47girlfriend country
20:48singer Alexis
20:49Wilkins sing
20:51the national
20:52anthem at a
20:53wrestling event.
20:55She looks
20:55like what
20:57you would put
20:57on the package
20:58at Spirit
20:58Halloween.
21:02And it
21:03would say
21:03American
21:04woman.
21:08That doesn't
21:09look like a
21:09real person.
21:11Is it legal
21:12for him to do
21:13that?
21:13The FBI
21:13director kind
21:14of has to
21:15take a private
21:15plane everywhere
21:16because he
21:17the FBI
21:18director?
21:19Could you
21:19imagine Kash
21:20Patel like
21:21boarding group
21:21C?
21:24Southwest?
21:26There were
21:26like turbulence
21:27and you
21:28looked over?
21:31Now it's
21:32important to
21:33point out that
21:33FBI directors
21:34are actually
21:35required by
21:36law to
21:37travel in a
21:37government plane
21:38for security
21:39reasons.
21:40So who is it
21:41that insisted
21:41that the FBI
21:43director taking
21:44a government
21:44jet is a bad
21:46idea?
21:46There can only
21:47be one answer.
21:48Yeah, we know
21:49how this show
21:49works.
21:51Go take their
21:52money.
21:53Chris Ray
21:53doesn't need a
21:54private jet.
21:55We're not the
21:55guys running
21:56around on private
21:56jets and
21:57somebody maybe in
21:58Congress should
21:59ask for how many
22:00flights on a
22:02private jet
22:02director Comey took
22:03or my predecessor
22:04director Ray took
22:05and how many
22:06personal trips
22:07they took.
22:08Oh no, my own
22:09words.
22:11FBI.
22:12Yeah.
22:15Time for three
22:16facts about
22:17former Speaker
22:18of the House
22:19and lady who
22:20wears high heels
22:21in the swimming
22:22pool, Nancy
22:22Pelosi.
22:25Our facts are
22:26she had five
22:27kids in six
22:28years.
22:29She owns
22:30exactly one
22:31pair of blue
22:31jeans.
22:32She went to
22:33college on a
22:34drum scholarship.
22:36Team Michael,
22:37which one is the
22:38truth?
22:38You know I
22:39want to see a
22:39clip of her
22:40in a drum
22:41line.
22:42I want her
22:42with those
22:42buckets like
22:43the dude in
22:44the subway.
22:44Yes.
22:46Yes.
22:47We are voting
22:48for that and
22:48by voting I
22:49mean praying.
22:50Yep.
22:50I'll give
22:51everyone on
22:51earth eight
22:52billion dollars
22:53if this woman
22:54can play a
22:55drum.
22:56Number two
22:57it is.
22:58This bitch
22:59ain't got but
23:00one pair of
23:00blue jeans.
23:03Nancy Pelosi
23:04had five kids
23:06in six years.
23:07The former
23:08speaker of the
23:08house married
23:09her college
23:09sweetheart Paul
23:10in 1963 and
23:12by the end
23:12of 1970
23:13they had
23:14five kids.
23:16Four daughters
23:17and a son.
23:19I think I
23:20know what
23:20happened there.
23:21The son is
23:22the youngest
23:23isn't he?
23:23Four daughters
23:24and then
23:24she was like
23:26look one more
23:27go man.
23:29Come on
23:30son.
23:31I don't think
23:39she calls
23:39them kids
23:40I think
23:40she calls
23:40them
23:40constituents.
23:42But speaking
23:43to Nancy Pelosi
23:44she made a big
23:44announcement this
23:45week.
23:46What was
23:47Nancy Pelosi's
23:48big announcement
23:48she made?
23:49She's still
23:49alive.
23:50Do we have
23:58a serious
23:58answer over here?
23:59She's out of
24:00the game.
24:00She's blowing
24:01this pop stand.
24:02We'll let
24:02Nancy Pelosi
24:03tell you
24:03herself.
24:04I want you
24:05my fellow
24:06San Franciscans
24:07to be the
24:08first to know
24:08I will not
24:09be seeking
24:10re-election
24:11to Congress.
24:12And then
24:12it cuts to
24:13a wide shot.
24:13Pelosi is
24:18retiring after
24:19nearly 40
24:20years in the
24:21House of
24:21Representatives.
24:22She was the
24:22first female
24:23speaker in
24:23American history
24:24and regardless
24:24of anyone's
24:26political views
24:26these are
24:27great
24:28accomplishments.
24:29Question.
24:31How did
24:31Donald Trump
24:32commemorate
24:33this occasion
24:34of Pelosi
24:35retiring?
24:36Oh he sent
24:37her a fruit
24:37basket.
24:38And he
24:39said good
24:39riddance.
24:40Close enough
24:41point.
24:41I got a
24:42point Michael
24:42Oh you
24:45can have
24:45it.
24:46Thank you.
24:46You're
24:47welcome.
24:47Donald Trump
24:48posted on
24:48Truth Social
24:49saying quote
24:49I'm glad to
24:51see the
24:51stench of
24:52Nancy Pelosi
24:53go.
24:54Dang.
24:54That's a
24:55classy brother
24:55right there.
24:56That is.
24:57That's like
24:58something a
24:58troll says
24:59in a fairy
24:59tale.
25:01And maybe
25:01Pelosi knew
25:02something like
25:02that was
25:03going to come
25:03up because
25:04she let
25:04something slip
25:05this week.
25:06Does anyone
25:06know what
25:06it is?
25:07Her
25:07shoulder
25:08strap.
25:10Just
25:11listen.
25:11Our
25:12founders did
25:13not want
25:13to have
25:14again
25:15how can
25:18I say
25:19this?
25:19It'll
25:20sound like
25:20I'm awful
25:21about Trump
25:21because he's
25:22just a vile
25:23creature.
25:24The worst
25:25thing on the
25:25face of the
25:26earth.
25:27But anyway.
25:29That's how
25:30you talk when
25:30it's your last
25:31day at the
25:31job.
25:33This has
25:34been Lie
25:34Curious.
25:35More after
25:35the break.
25:42Welcome back.
25:48It's time for
25:48Meet in the
25:49Middle where we
25:49find common
25:50ground between
25:51two different
25:51people.
25:52Tonight it's
25:53a oops all
25:54Trump
25:54administration
25:55edition.
25:56On one side
25:57we have
25:57Dr. Minette
25:58Oz,
25:59Sean Duffy,
26:00Marco Rubio,
26:01Linda McMahon.
26:02On the other
26:02side,
26:03Stephen Miller,
26:04RFK Jr.,
26:05J.D. Vance,
26:07and Howard
26:08Lutnick.
26:09First up we
26:10got Soudanil.
26:12Which two of
26:12these cabinet
26:13members have
26:14been on the
26:15receiving end
26:16of a nickname
26:17by their
26:18current boss
26:18Donald Trump?
26:20So it's
26:20Rubio,
26:21right?
26:21Rubio and
26:22the sofa cave,
26:23right?
26:24I'm going to
26:25say it's
26:25J.D. Vance
26:26and I'm going
26:27to say he
26:27called him
26:28Lady Eyes.
26:31Yes,
26:32Marco Rubio
26:32on the left
26:33side and
26:34Stephen Miller.
26:36Oh.
26:36Have both
26:37been called
26:38names by
26:39the president.
26:39Reports
26:40came out
26:40over the
26:41summer
26:41that Donald
26:41Trump
26:42refers to
26:42Stephen Miller
26:43as
26:43Weird
26:44Stephen.
26:47And
26:47everybody
26:48remembers
26:49Trump's
26:49nickname
26:50for Marco
26:50Rubio.
26:51I call him
26:51Little Marco,
26:52Little Marco.
26:53I call him
26:53Little Marco,
26:54that's what he is,
26:55he's Little Marco.
26:55Little Marco
26:56Rubio,
26:57he's going
26:57around,
26:58he's going
26:58crazy.
26:58Don't worry
26:59about it,
26:59Little Marco.
27:01Right,
27:02so little
27:02now he fits
27:03in Trump's
27:03pocket.
27:04Yes.
27:04Next up
27:06we've got
27:07Maga the
27:07Stallion.
27:09Which two
27:10of these
27:10people are
27:11featured on
27:12hip-hop
27:12tracks?
27:13Linda McMahon
27:14and the dude
27:15at the bottom
27:15whose name
27:15I don't
27:16actually know.
27:17That's
27:17Louis C.K.
27:22Linda McMahon?
27:23Linda McMahon
27:23feels...
27:24Plausible,
27:24right?
27:24It feels
27:25right.
27:25Okay,
27:26we're going
27:26to go with
27:26Linda McMahon
27:27and RFK Jr.
27:28Okay.
27:28Now tell me,
27:29what about
27:29RFK
27:30says rap
27:30to you?
27:31The voice.
27:35Like,
27:36you don't even
27:36have to put
27:37an effect
27:37on it.
27:37Right,
27:38like,
27:38hey,
27:39it's hollow,
27:39can you go?
27:40That's wrong.
27:42I'm your brother.
27:43You know?
27:43I'm sold.
27:44RFK Jr.
27:45and Dr. Oz
27:46are both
27:47featured
27:47on hip-hop
27:49tracks.
27:49As part
27:50of his
27:502024
27:51presidential
27:51campaign,
27:52RFK Jr.
27:53hopped on
27:53the track
27:54Standing on
27:55Business
27:56by Drummer Boy.
27:57I'm
27:57Robert F.
27:58Kennedy Jr.
27:59As president
28:00of the United
28:00States,
28:02I'll be
28:02standing on
28:03business
28:04and helping
28:05the community.
28:06Maybe
28:06boys are...
28:08Michael has
28:10to get points
28:10for the impression.
28:11Yes, point.
28:12Amazing.
28:13I got 99
28:13problems
28:14and a Tylenol
28:15ain't one.
28:18Which legendary
28:19hip-hop MC's
28:20track did
28:21Dr. Oz
28:22pop in on
28:24and drop a verse?
28:25Vanilla Ice.
28:27It was
28:28Michelle Obama.
28:31Back in
28:322013,
28:33Dr. Oz
28:34appeared in
28:34a music video
28:35for Michelle
28:36Obama's
28:36Let's Move
28:37campaign.
28:38Here he is.
28:39Dr. Oz,
28:40what's up,
28:41Dr. O?
28:41Time to get
28:42involved,
28:42let the whole
28:43world know.
28:44Just the other
28:44day,
28:45they see me
28:45on the show,
28:46didn't know
28:46I had style,
28:47didn't know
28:47I had flow,
28:48Michelle.
28:50RFK Jr.
28:50and Dr. Oz
28:51were both
28:52at an event
28:53in the Oval
28:53Office on
28:54Thursday
28:54to promote
28:55Trump's plan
28:55to reduce
28:56the cost
28:57of weight
28:58loss drugs.
28:59Does anybody
28:59know what
29:00went down
29:01at this event?
29:03Oh,
29:04a dude,
29:04a dude
29:05went down.
29:06A guy
29:07fainted.
29:07One of the
29:08attendees
29:08collapsed
29:09in the middle
29:10of the event
29:10and before
29:10we show
29:11you this
29:11clip,
29:12do not
29:12worry,
29:13he's okay.
29:14We've been
29:15advancing science
29:15and creating
29:16high-value jobs
29:17but today
29:18we...
29:19Oh,
29:20you okay?
29:21Gordon,
29:21you okay?
29:22Yeah.
29:22I'm sorry.
29:23I'm sorry.
29:23I'm sorry.
29:24I'm sorry.
29:24I'm sorry.
29:25I'm sorry.
29:25I'm sorry.
29:26Just watch what
29:29RFK Jr. does
29:30when Buddy
29:31collapses.
29:36Hold on!
29:40Damn!
29:44Uh-uh.
29:45He got something wrong
29:46with him.
29:47I ain't finna catch it.
29:49Like,
29:49if I pass out
29:50right now,
29:51you're supposed
29:51to at least
29:52give me the courtesy.
29:53are you good?
29:54And then leave.
29:56I agree with Roy.
29:57It's like when you know
29:58someone else
29:58is gonna pay for dinner
29:59but you still
29:59kind of go for your wallet.
30:00Like, you pretend.
30:01At least do
30:02the fake care.
30:04I found that
30:05to be a totally
30:05relatable moment.
30:06I don't know CPR.
30:08I should probably
30:09go find somebody
30:10who can help.
30:10You're also not
30:11in charge
30:11of America's health.
30:13All right,
30:14let's do
30:15President Evil.
30:17Which two of these
30:18people were
30:18video game characters?
30:20Ooh.
30:21Team Michael.
30:22Lyndon McMahon,
30:22it's gotta be, right?
30:23Because wrestling shit
30:24and then...
30:25I think J.D. Vance
30:26was a character
30:27where it was like
30:27you had to try
30:28to get the eyeliner
30:29on, like,
30:30perfectly straight.
30:32Team Michael,
30:33what's the guess?
30:34Well, look,
30:35bald man is a mystery
30:36to everyone.
30:38In two minutes,
30:39they'll say his name,
30:39I'll forget it then.
30:40Yeah.
30:42What's his name?
30:43Howie?
30:43Howie Mandel,
30:44that's who it is.
30:46We'd like to go
30:47with Howie Mandel
30:48and Lyndon McMahon.
30:51Lyndon McMahon
30:52and J.D. Vance
30:53have both been
30:54featured in video games.
30:57J.D. Vance
30:57is a playable character
30:59in the election
31:00simulation game
31:01The Political Machine.
31:03Take a look.
31:10That was the most
31:15boring video game
31:16I've ever seen
31:17in my life.
31:17Is that real?
31:18No, yeah.
31:18It's him flying around
31:20promoting Hillbilly Elegy.
31:22The video game
31:23is his book tour.
31:25Lyndon McMahon
31:26is a playable character
31:27in WWF No Mercy
31:29for the Nintendo 64.
31:36Great.
31:37That's what I want.
31:38That's what I want
31:39Lyndon McMahon to do.
31:40Please.
31:41Somebody put me
31:41in a video game
31:42doing that.
31:42That's awesome.
31:43That was a public
31:43school teacher
31:44she was slapping me.
31:44Yeah.
31:50We didn't get to
31:51Sean Duffy
31:52and Howard Lutnick
31:52but they both
31:53come from reality TV.
31:55Sean was on
31:55The Real World
31:56and Howard
31:57actually got his start
31:58as one of the pimples
32:00on Dr. Pimple Popper.
32:01More after the break.
32:10Welcome back.
32:13It's time for the
32:14offender meter.
32:16Teens have to tell us
32:17who's the offender,
32:18what they did
32:18and who they offended.
32:20Here's your offender.
32:22Who that is?
32:22Oh.
32:24Marjorie Taylor Greene.
32:25Yes, that is Marjorie Taylor Greene
32:27seen here
32:28pulling up to a Chick-fil-A
32:29on a Sunday.
32:31Who did Marjorie offend?
32:33She's offending me
32:34every day now
32:35because this reinvention
32:37that she's doing
32:38of Marjorie Taylor Greene
32:40as reasonable centrist
32:42makes my skin crawl.
32:45So she offended you?
32:47She offended me.
32:48Marjorie has offended
32:49Republicans in Congress
32:50by speaking out
32:51against them
32:52on the government shutdown
32:53on The View
32:54this past week.
32:55Marjorie got pretty specific
32:57about who she's blaming.
32:59The worst thing
33:00that I just can't get over
33:02is we're not working
33:03right now
33:04and I put that criticism
33:06directly on the speaker
33:07of the House
33:08and we should be at work.
33:10All the people
33:10sitting in this audience,
33:11they go to work every day.
33:13No, they don't.
33:16They are the audience
33:17of a daytime talk show.
33:18The one place we know
33:19for sure they're not
33:20is at work.
33:21Yeah.
33:22Maybe because of
33:22the shutdown.
33:23Yeah.
33:24So, Michael,
33:24you don't believe
33:25that was sincere.
33:26She had, just go back
33:27to the first frame of that.
33:28She had the white woman
33:29hand on the heart.
33:31When the white woman
33:32put the hand on the heart
33:32with the Jesus cross,
33:34oh, she took,
33:35I just want you to know.
33:37She was fun
33:38because she was filled
33:39with hate.
33:40Right.
33:41This is infinitely less fun.
33:43So all of the people
33:45she has attracted
33:46by being a piece of shit,
33:47she's now repelling them
33:50because she's trying
33:51to be sweet.
33:52Pick a lane.
33:53I enjoy a good grudge.
33:55And she is,
33:56this is grudge.
33:57She got Trump grudge.
33:59This is grudge.
34:00Okay.
34:00Does anyone know
34:01what else Marjorie Taylor Greene
34:02has criticized Republicans
34:04about?
34:05Did she say something
34:05about the snap benefits?
34:07Like, is she actually
34:08on the right side of this?
34:09There's also the healthcare thing
34:10I feel like she's
34:11on the right side of right now.
34:12Ding, ding, ding, ding.
34:13It's impossible
34:13she can be on the right
34:14side of two things.
34:17The congresswoman
34:18is starting to feel
34:19some feelings
34:20about the Republicans'
34:22plans for healthcare.
34:23Here's why I'm angry.
34:24The Democrats
34:25passed Obamacare,
34:26but yet the Republicans
34:27have never done anything
34:28to correct the problems
34:30that exist with it.
34:31And I blame my own party.
34:33She did the thing again.
34:34I saw it.
34:35Yeah.
34:35She did the thing again.
34:36When a white woman do,
34:36she'll be like,
34:36ah, you're telling the truth.
34:38Okay.
34:39This is the very same woman
34:40who claimed people
34:41are controlling the weather.
34:43The same woman
34:44who called for Nancy Pelosi
34:45to be executed.
34:47The same woman
34:48who said the Parkland shooting
34:49was a false flag.
34:51The same woman
34:52who claimed California wildfires
34:54were caused by
34:55a secret Jewish space laser.
34:59In fairness,
35:00that one is true.
35:02How does Marjorie Taylor Greene
35:04explain her former beliefs?
35:07A stroke.
35:08Medicine.
35:08She found Jesus?
35:12I actually thought
35:13her response to this
35:14was kind of genius.
35:16Somebody asked her about QAnon,
35:17and she's like,
35:18do you regret that you
35:19were so invested in QAnon?
35:20Because that's how
35:20she made her bones.
35:21And she was like,
35:22I was a victim of social media.
35:24To her past views,
35:26Marjorie Taylor Greene says
35:27she's so totally over them.
35:29Would you say you don't believe
35:30in the QAnon conspiracies anymore?
35:33Oh, I went over that
35:34a long time ago.
35:35I mean, we can change.
35:36Well, no, I haven't changed.
35:38I was a victim,
35:39just like you were,
35:40of media lies
35:43and stuff you read
35:43on social media.
35:44Let's rank this shit,
35:46all right?
35:46If you ever thought
35:48Jewish space lasers
35:50were real,
35:51you're too stupid
35:52to drive a car.
35:56It's you stupid.
35:57If the spirit is,
36:00screw her forever
36:00because of what
36:01she used to stand for,
36:02is it possible
36:03to ever come across the aisle?
36:05It's been 60 seconds, right?
36:07Oh.
36:08If you're suspicious
36:09about MTG's transformation,
36:12you're not alone.
36:13Here's AOC digging
36:15into what she thinks
36:16is the reason
36:17for Greene's 180.
36:19The White House
36:20and Trump land
36:22shut down
36:23Marjorie Taylor Greene's
36:25personal ambitions
36:25to run for Senate.
36:27And she has been
36:28on a revenge tour
36:29ever since.
36:31That's like straight
36:32out of Mean Girls.
36:33Like, somebody means,
36:34you can't date
36:35the popular boy,
36:36so now you're gonna
36:36go back around.
36:37Like, that's,
36:38that's a,
36:38that I believe.
36:39So then to that point,
36:40if you were a Democrat,
36:41what is wrong
36:42with revenge health care?
36:43Is that not still health care?
36:45I mean, you take the vote.
36:46You just don't have
36:47to hang out with her.
36:48That was Offender Meter.
36:49We'll be right back.
37:04Oh.
37:05Welcome back.
37:06It's time for Missing Words.
37:07Teams, I'm gonna give you
37:08some recent news headlines
37:09with keywords cut out,
37:11and you'll have to fill in the blank
37:12to give us the full story.
37:14Here's your headline.
37:15Thief makes off
37:16with $80,000 in blank
37:17during Ontario trailer heist.
37:19McRibs.
37:22I think it was La Boo Boo's,
37:23and I think it's $80,000,
37:25so I think it was one.
37:27Thief makes off
37:28with $80,000 in whipped cream
37:30during the Ontario,
37:32Canada trailer heist.
37:34Sexy.
37:35Yeah.
37:36$80,000 in whipped cream.
37:37I thought Daddy was still in jail.
37:39Ooh, what is,
37:40what you gonna do with $80,000?
37:42That's a lot of whipped cream.
37:43Okay, you steal
37:44the whipped cream.
37:45Yeah, in Canada.
37:46Then what?
37:48Like, $80,000 worth of whipped cream.
37:50You're selling it out on the quarter.
37:51What are you doing
37:52with all this money?
37:52You have a swimming pool.
37:54You fill the swimming pool
37:56with whipped cream.
37:57Why is this so hard?
37:59It's like,
38:00Bomani's never had
38:01$80,000 of whipped cream before.
38:04Here's your headline.
38:04Police officer appears to be
38:07blank in virtual court.
38:09Ooh.
38:10Racist.
38:11What's a virtual court?
38:12Virtual court is where
38:13you can't go in person,
38:14so you show up on Zoom,
38:16and because you're on Zoom,
38:17you don't have any pants on.
38:19Pants list, final answer.
38:21Police officer appears to be
38:23without pants
38:24in virtual court.
38:25Last week,
38:28Detroit police officer
38:29Matthew Jackson
38:30logged on to testify
38:31in virtual court proceedings
38:33where, according to reports,
38:34quote,
38:35Jackson was wearing
38:36his Detroit Police Department
38:38uniform shirt
38:39but did not have pants on.
38:41It appeared
38:42he did have on underwear.
38:45Then what's the problem?
38:47I'm so sorry.
38:48I have to say this.
38:49This is...
38:50I'm so sorry.
38:51Matthew Jackson
38:52or Matthew Johnson?
38:53Uh, now, of course,
38:57if you're in Zoom court
38:58with no pants on,
38:59the judge has to ask you
39:00what the hell is going on.
39:02Would anyone like to guess
39:03how the officer responded
39:04when asked by the judge
39:05where your pants at?
39:07I think he responded
39:08like this.
39:13In your mind,
39:15what is he doing there?
39:16His wiener is flooping.
39:21Like tassels, right?
39:23No, it ain't.
39:23We don't need specifics.
39:25It's flooping.
39:26Let's watch the clip
39:27and see how the whole thing
39:28played out.
39:29Officer Jackson,
39:31good morning to you.
39:32Can you put your appearance
39:33on the record, please?
39:35Yes, Officer Jackson,
39:37vass number 3919
39:38out of 12th Precinct.
39:40You got some pants on,
39:42I thought, Officer?
39:43Is there an end of...
39:45No, sir.
39:49He had to say no
39:50because he was under oath.
39:52That's missing words.
39:53More after the break.
40:06Welcome back.
40:07It's time for
40:08Which Is Higher?
40:09I'll give you two
40:10unrelated numbers
40:11from the news.
40:12You tell me,
40:13which is higher?
40:14The number of episodes
40:16of ridiculousness
40:18that as of this taping
40:19have aired
40:20since the television show
40:21premiered in 2011
40:22or the number of sheets
40:24in Sharma's new forever roll.
40:26A toilet paper roll
40:28so big
40:29it comes with
40:29its own stand.
40:31Is that real?
40:32Yes.
40:34That's like
40:35the public bathroom
40:36super roll
40:37that you see.
40:38I really hope
40:39the answer
40:40is the toilet paper.
40:41I mean,
40:42it's got to be
40:43the toilet paper, right?
40:43There's been
40:44so much ridiculousness.
40:45It's number.
40:46Which one is higher?
40:47All right,
40:47we're going to say
40:47toilet paper.
40:48More toilet paper
40:48than ridiculousness episodes
40:49over here.
40:50Toilet paper.
40:51Okay.
40:52The number of episodes
40:53aired of ridiculousness
40:54in the last 14 years
40:55is 1,731.
40:58The number of sheets
40:59in the forever roll
41:00is 1,700.
41:02So the amount
41:03of ridiculousness episodes
41:05is higher.
41:07So forever
41:08is just a figure of speech.
41:10That's what you're telling me.
41:12That was which is higher.
41:14I want to thank our guests
41:15Beaumont Jones
41:16and Jenny Haven.
41:18And of course,
41:19thank you to our team captains
41:22Amber Ruffin
41:22and Michael Ian Black.
41:25Before we sign off,
41:28here are a few more stories
41:30we're watching.
41:31Republicans find their nominee
41:33for 2028.
41:35Universal announces
41:39Back to the Future Remake.
41:43That's good.
41:45I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:46We'll see you next year.
41:47This has been
41:48Have I Got News for You?
41:49And we still
41:50haven't seen all
41:52The X-Game Fire
41:54today.
41:572026.
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