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00:39Whoa!
00:41Hello!
00:42Welcome to How I Got News For You.
00:44I'm Roy Wood Jr. in the news this week.
00:48Troops invade blue cities.
00:51Residents ask tough questions.
00:53What's your barber name?
00:55What's your barber name?
00:57What's your barber name?
00:59Turning Point USA announces alternate halftime show.
01:11We call him Big Bunny.
01:14On Amber's team tonight, she's a tech journalist, author, and podcast host who regularly talks to the titans of Silicon Valley.
01:21I'll ask her if she can put in a good word for me with one of them ketamine dudes.
01:25It's Karen Swisher.
01:26And joining Michael, she's a comedian and actress who you know from Amazon sitcom Upload and her podcast, I'm Reasonable.
01:37I know her as my favorite celebrity whose name starts with a Z.
01:41Sorry, Zendaya and Zoe Zaldana.
01:43It's Zaynab Johnson.
01:45Now for the biggest stories of the week.
01:51Michael and Zaynab, watch the clip.
01:52Tell me, what's the story?
01:54Oh, that's that lady that everybody hates.
01:58Dear diary, I'm gonna yell at your senators and no you're not.
02:02So this week Pam Bondi, who is our Attorney General of the United States, appeared before the Senate and rather than answer questions, she just yelled at senators all day.
02:12On Tuesday, Attorney General Pam Bondi testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee.
02:17It did not go well.
02:19How many illegal immigrants does Pam Bondi say are in Chicago?
02:26A trillion.
02:29A trillion and one.
02:31Here she is.
02:32How many illegal immigrants are in Chicago?
02:40Does anybody know?
02:41I do.
02:42Countless.
02:43You said countless.
02:44But if it's countless, what the fuck are you looking for?
02:49What are you, what are you doing?
02:52Can we just acknowledge that a trillion and one was the closest to countless?
03:00This week Pam Bondi, um, she went before the Senate Committee and girl bossed too close to the sun.
03:10Because the Democrats insisted on asking Pam about her pesky little problem of White House border czar Tom Homan
03:17and, uh, the alleged $50,000 bribe.
03:20Here's Senator Pete Welch asking what sounds like a question nobody could get mad at.
03:27Is there a tape in, that has audio and video of the transfer of the $50,000?
03:33You would have to talk to Director Patel about that.
03:36No, I'm, I'm talking to you.
03:38I don't know the answer, Senator.
03:40Yeah, you do know the answer to that.
03:41Don't call me a liar.
03:42I didn't call you a liar.
03:43You just said I know the answer.
03:45I said I don't know the answer.
03:46You have to talk to Director Patel.
03:47Well, okay, let me.
03:48I'm happy to call her a liar.
03:51She's lying.
03:52She's a liar.
03:53She asked a question about something illegal.
03:58She said don't talk to me.
04:00Ask Kash Patel, who works for the FBI.
04:03The FBI works for the Department of Justice.
04:06That means he answers to somebody.
04:08Who does Kash Patel answer to?
04:10I feel like this is a trick question.
04:13Is it Pam Bondi?
04:14Yes!
04:15Ronald McDonald should know what Grimace is doing.
04:24Now, the Tom Homan questions came to a head
04:26when Adam Schiff attempted to just straight-out ask
04:29whether Homan took the money.
04:31In case I just didn't hear you,
04:34what is the answer?
04:35Did he take the money?
04:36Senator Schiff, that happened prior
04:39to my confirmation as Attorney General.
04:42I understand, but do you know...
04:43Who has said that?
04:44The American people should be able to see
04:45that video or audio tape.
04:47Will you support that request?
04:48Will you apologize to Donald Trump
04:50for trying to impeach him?
04:51I guess the answer...
04:52Tom Homan took that money.
04:57Now, of all the clips that we've shown you so far
04:59of Pam Bondi, have y'all noticed something interesting
05:01at all about how she prepares
05:04before she answers each question?
05:06She'd be shuffling them papers
05:07like three-card Monty.
05:08Yeah.
05:09Do you look more or less prepared
05:13when you shuffle through papers
05:15before answering a question?
05:17I liked it.
05:18Every time she shuffled the papers,
05:20I really thought,
05:21she's gonna find what she's looking for.
05:24That's correct.
05:25Pam Bondi was shuffling and shuffling.
05:27Please just watch.
05:28That's how I'd be at Cheesecake Factory.
05:35I'd just be turning pages and turning pages.
05:40You're preparing to go before Congress
05:43and go, yes, I will tell you the truth.
05:45What would you put in your folder?
05:47You know, I doodle,
05:48so it's probably gonna be like a bunch of hearts,
05:50you know, of flowers,
05:51and then probably stuff I don't wanna forget
05:53like groceries that I have to pick up
05:55after I finish with the hearing.
05:56Well, thankfully for all of us,
05:59there was a Reuters photographer
06:00with a camera with a pretty good lens.
06:02Jonathan Ernst got a picture of the notes,
06:06and they were basically just cheat sheets
06:09listing mean things to say to the senators.
06:14Baby, hold on, what's your name?
06:16Let me get to your shit.
06:17I want you to watch this.
06:20Watch carefully.
06:21This is Senator Whitehouse asking an important question
06:24about the president
06:25and his involvement with some young women.
06:28There's been public reporting
06:29that Jeffrey Epstein showed people photos
06:32of President Trump with half-naked young women.
06:36Have you seen any such thing?
06:38You know, Senator Whitehouse,
06:40you sit here and make salacious remarks
06:42once again trying to slander President Trump
06:45left and right when you're the one
06:48who was taking money from one of Epstein's
06:51closest confidants, I believe.
06:53I could be wrong, correct me,
06:55Reid Hoffman.
06:56If you have the file, the binder,
06:59filled with information, you should know
07:01whether or not he took money
07:03from Epstein's biggest supporter, right?
07:05Because Whitehouse then came out and said,
07:07yeah, that's not true at all.
07:08At all.
07:09I know Reid Hoffman.
07:10That is not true at all.
07:11Yeah.
07:12Senator, I don't know,
07:13but your mom is so ugly.
07:14That's good.
07:17Let's look at the Sheldon Whitehouse page
07:19of Pam's burn book.
07:21It says, if he brings up Epstein,
07:24she should ask, quote,
07:26did you take money from Reid Hoffman?
07:29Wow, her nails.
07:31It does look like a big toe, though.
07:35Yeah.
07:38Now, if you missed that look to the burn book,
07:40don't worry.
07:41She does it again.
07:42How many of those Treasury Tsars
07:45did you or Director Patel investigate?
07:52Senator, I'm not sure if you're concerned
07:55because you took money, I believe,
07:57did you, from Reid Hoffman.
07:59Am I the only one here
08:00who does not have a clue who Reid Hoffman is?
08:02Yes.
08:03Yes.
08:04He's a very well-known venture capitalist
08:06and investor and entrepreneur in Silicon Valley.
08:09He's a big Democratic donor.
08:11Was he an Epstein guy?
08:12No.
08:13Oh.
08:14Could he just soon pay money?
08:15Madame Epstein was around a lot
08:16among technology people.
08:17Right.
08:18I mean, I saw him at a party once,
08:19but from a distance.
08:20You're on the list.
08:21I know.
08:22I thought she was...
08:25Now, believe it or not, um, she had more in the book
08:32than just the name Reid Hoffman.
08:34Uh, maybe you've also heard this non sequitur in the hearing.
08:38You know, you're very concerned about money and people taking money
08:42and you rail against dark money.
08:43Wait a second.
08:44Wait a second.
08:45Wait a second.
08:46Wait a second.
08:47Wait a second.
08:48You work with dark money groups all the time, Senator Whitehouse.
08:49Wait a second.
08:50She talked a lot about dark money in that clip,
08:51and senators taking dark money.
08:52What do you think was written in the book?
08:55Dollar sign equals dark.
08:57Yep.
08:58Quote, you rail against dark money, but you work with dark money groups.
09:04She's not good off the dome.
09:08Like, if she was in 8 Mile in that scene with Eminem where people just have...
09:13Oh, and Papa Doc?
09:14Yeah, she would have lost.
09:15She would have got...
09:18Everybody in the 313, put your hands up and follow me.
09:25Now, what else did Pam Bondi's Justice Department get themselves into this week?
09:31They went into one of those fun house mazes, and they couldn't get out.
09:36Oh, they, um, they indicted Letitia James.
09:41On Thursday, a court indicted New York Attorney General Letitia James on two charges.
09:46Bank fraud and false statements to a financial institution for a mortgage she took out to help her niece buy a home.
09:55And in the grand tradition of people indicted by Donald Trump on potentially made-up charges, James made a video.
10:02He is forcing federal law enforcement agencies to do his bidding.
10:07All because I did my job as the New York State Attorney General.
10:13These charges are baseless.
10:15Now, that's how you do a denial video.
10:17Mm-hmm.
10:18Vertical.
10:19Good camera.
10:22She had captions on that thing.
10:24She's...
10:25Go back to the James Come...
10:26Come...
10:27James Comey did a denial video last week.
10:29Shit looked like a cameo.
10:33Amber, Cara, watch the clips.
10:35Okay.
10:36Tell me, what is the story?
10:38Okay.
10:39The story is marching.
10:40Who knows?
10:41But helicopters do.
10:42Just light traffic.
10:44Cara, I feel like you have a better answer.
10:49I do.
10:50It's troops deployed to Chicago.
10:51That's what I was gonna say.
10:52Yeah.
10:53Okay.
10:54Just points for Cara.
10:56No points for you.
10:57Yes, that is the story.
10:58Trump sends troops to Chicago, making the second city the third city he's deployed the military
11:04to this year.
11:05Earlier this week, roughly 500 National Guard members arrived in Chicago to support President
11:12Trump's crackdown on immigrants.
11:14This is also, like, probably the last time of the year where you can go to Chicago and
11:18it'd still be, like, you know, mild temperatures.
11:21So, you know, sometimes you gotta get the last days of summer in.
11:24Mm-hmm.
11:25You gonna send us.
11:26You better send us before November.
11:28Yes, why is the Guard in Chicago?
11:30Everybody wants to know.
11:31And one guy's been asking the same question for a long time.
11:34What the hell is going on in Chicago?
11:36What the hell is going on in Chicago?
11:39What the hell is going on in Chicago?
11:41President Trump wants to know, quote, what the hell is going on in Chicago?
11:49What the Guard is there to do isn't exactly clear since the troops aren't allowed to make
11:56any seizures, searches, or arrests, and they're limited to protecting federal officers and federal
12:04property.
12:05That's all they can do.
12:06But from the looks of these Texas National Guardsmen, if you remember these, I think they're
12:10going to fit right in in Chicago.
12:11That dude in the middle looked like Mike Ditka.
12:14He looked like Chicago.
12:15Dude in the middle looks like he ate Mike Ditka.
12:18On Thursday, a federal judge temporarily blocked the Guard's deployment, ruling it was a violation
12:24of multiple amendments in that she, quote, found no credible evidence that there is a danger
12:30of rebellion in the state of Illinois.
12:33But the White House does not care.
12:35Wow, you're kidding.
12:37Who does the administration say is standing in the way of their goals in Chicago?
12:44Governor Pritzker.
12:45Oh, halfway there.
12:46What?
12:47His whole name?
12:48What?
12:49No, no, no.
12:51Governor J.B.
12:52Alpha Pritzker.
12:53Oh, the mayor.
12:54The mayor, too.
12:55First and foremost, our Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson and Illinois Governor J.B.
13:01Pritzker.
13:02Got a picture of them together.
13:03Look at old J.B.
13:04Look at him right there.
13:05Look like the gummy just kicked in, didn't it?
13:08Now, Pritzker and Trump have been feuding for years.
13:12Uh, question, what has Pritzker been calling Trump's National Guard deployment?
13:17Illegal and unconstitutional?
13:19Yeah, but you need something catchier than that.
13:21Oh.
13:23Bad?
13:24Really, really bad.
13:25On Sunday, the governor said, quote, we must now start calling this what it is,
13:30Trump's invasion.
13:31Oh.
13:32And that, quote, the brave men and women who serve in our National Guards must not be
13:36used as political props.
13:39You do not use the troops as political props.
13:41You use members of minority groups and marginalized groups.
13:46Earlier this week, Trump said that both Pritzker and Johnson should be arrested, posting, quote,
13:53Chicago mayor should be in jail for failing to protect ICE officers.
13:58Governor Pritzker also.
14:00I just love how you threw the governor in.
14:02Oh, sorry.
14:03Yeah, get the black guy.
14:04But you know what?
14:05Yeah, go on, throw the governor in.
14:08Homeland Security, you know, they may not care about violating the citizens' rights, but
14:13that doesn't mean that they've got it easy.
14:15What does Secretary Kristi Noem say is a major obstacle in accomplishing her mission?
14:22Puppies.
14:23Living dogs.
14:24Because she kills dogs.
14:28The answer is that Kristi Noem is saying nobody will let her use the bathroom.
14:33Please watch this clip of Kristi getting denied at a local municipal building.
14:38Can you use your restroom?
14:39No, you cannot.
14:40You can?
14:41Okay.
14:42Please don't go.
14:43Okay.
14:44All right.
14:46Interesting.
14:47That's what Governor Pritzker says is cooperation in keeping people safe.
14:52We're coming to go out and do some operations to pick up some guys with criminal convictions
14:58on them, and the city police wouldn't even let us use a restroom.
15:01You're supposed to buy something first, right?
15:08Although part of me wishes they gave her, like, a key with a big license plate on it and
15:14would, like, go around the back.
15:16She can't use my bathroom either.
15:19The amount of dirt, that ring that would leave around the sink?
15:24Mm-hmm.
15:25She touch her face once.
15:26She washes her hands, bam.
15:28You think she washes her hands?
15:30On Wednesday night, roughly 1,000 people marched in protest against the federal occupation.
15:41Yes, they did.
15:44But according to FBI Director Cash Patel, that's just a fraction of the threat.
15:50When I was there today with Todd, we learned that the Chicago city streets have 110,000 gang
15:56members.
15:57That's right.
15:58You heard me right.
15:59I don't want to talk about the way he looks, but...
16:00Well, we do it all the time.
16:01Please.
16:02Yeah.
16:03Oh, my...
16:04He's tweaking.
16:05Like, does he drink too many Red Bulls?
16:06It's not Red Bulls.
16:07It's...
16:08Okay.
16:09A hundred thousand people.
16:10A hundred thousand people in the city?
16:11Yeah.
16:12That's 4% of Chicago's population.
16:14Yeah.
16:15Can anybody tell me why those numbers from Cash Patel might be a little skewed?
16:19Because he's a liar.
16:20Because...
16:21Yes.
16:22Yes.
16:23In the clip, he said he was talking to Todd.
16:25We don't even know who Todd is.
16:27I was talking to Todd.
16:29Todd said all of them in the gang.
16:31I think Cash Patel's numbers might be a little skewed because the feds think anybody wearing
16:40a Bulls jersey could be a gang member.
16:43Um...
16:44The Department of Homeland Security said that gang members, quote,
16:47favor the Chicago Bulls basketball jersey.
16:51Specifically, Michael Jordan.
16:53You gotta rock a Luke Longley.
16:55He was a contributor to the Bulls dynasty.
17:01You disrespectful motherfuckers.
17:03Disrespect one three of...
17:06I'm sorry.
17:07You mean the seven-foot-tall Australian Luke Longley?
17:12He don't understand, but you get me.
17:14Yeah, I get you.
17:15You're killing him.
17:18Do you understand that?
17:28Welcome back.
17:29It's time for the offender meter.
17:32Teams have to tell us who's the offender, what they did, and who they offended.
17:37Let's see the offender, please.
17:42Who's this offender?
17:43I have a...
17:44It's the woman who won the Nobel Peace Prize, Maria Colchado from Venezuela.
17:47Yes, yes.
17:48And she offended Trump because he didn't...
17:50because he's all hurt.
17:51That's Venezuelan political leader Maria Corrina Machado.
17:54Uh, can we go back to that picture of her?
17:56I'm trying to figure out what song she was singing at karaoke right there.
18:00Because that's...
18:01I will survive.
18:03I thought she was pointing at their federal buildings like, no guards.
18:10Trump looks like you're looking at her like,
18:11don't you make me get the National Guard down in Venezuela.
18:14They're already there.
18:15Yeah.
18:16She was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday morning with the Nobel Committee saying that
18:21she, quote,
18:22keeps the flame of democracy burning amid a growing darkness in President Nicolas Maduro's brutal authoritarian Venezuela.
18:31Trump supported her, which was...
18:33had been...
18:34been truthing or whatever he calls it.
18:35Um, her.
18:36He was like, she's the best.
18:37She's so great.
18:38She also dedicated her peace prize to Trump.
18:42She dedicated it to him when she received it.
18:44She's...
18:45And she agrees with them bombing boats off the coast of Venezuela.
18:50Yeah.
18:51Now, you may be wondering, why would she do that?
18:53And the...
18:54I assume the answer is because she wants Trump to invade Venezuela, which is all Trump wants
18:58to do so that she can take over Venezuela and rule it probably like Maduro was ruling it.
19:02Like, I'm...
19:03I'm very dubious.
19:04You just won the game of risk.
19:05Excellent.
19:07Carrie, she's good or bad?
19:08Yeah.
19:09Yes.
19:10Yes.
19:11She's...
19:12Yes.
19:13Net positive.
19:14Net positive.
19:15Okay.
19:16Okay.
19:17Speaking of the Nobel Prize, question.
19:18What big move did Trump make to try and win the Nobel Prize for himself?
19:21He sent out, like, swag bags to all the...
19:23He kept saying he wanted it.
19:24Like, it was so thirsty.
19:25It was...
19:26It's like he doesn't know the rules of engagement.
19:31You're supposed to let people say you deserve it.
19:34Which he did, too.
19:35He got...
19:36He put people up to it.
19:37Now, here's the wild thing about Trump and his effects globally.
19:41Norway already knew he wanted the prize.
19:44And they were already bracing for his reaction if he didn't win, with analysts saying that Trump
19:52might impose tariffs or even declare Norway an enemy.
19:57There is some irony, though, right?
20:00In the guy angling for a peace prize, and if he doesn't get it, declaring war on Norway.
20:08There's some irony there, right?
20:10So, you know, Trump and all of his allies were hoping he'd win a Nobel Prize.
20:15Uh, how is the right coping with Trump not winning one?
20:19Uh, are they gonna do, like, Turning Point USA and create their own prize to give him?
20:24That's kinda close.
20:25Oh, really?
20:26They're dealing with it like this.
20:27That's why he deserves the... the Nobel Peace Prize, and that's why I'm introducing a resolution
20:33for a sense of Congress today that will honor him with the Nobel Peace Prize.
20:38Do you think maybe that the reason that the Nobel Committee did not give it to him is because
20:43you had to get the application in and the... before January 31st?
20:48And that was only 11 days into President Trump's second term?
20:51This is the gaslighting that nobody talks about.
20:53The one that you need, where your friends are like, you the best, what can we do?
20:57He didn't get his application in on time.
20:59You know, like...
21:00Right, you deserve a peace prize.
21:01Yeah!
21:02You know, I'm gonna go to the trophy shop, I'm gonna make you a peace prize.
21:05Yeah!
21:06We're gonna get a 3D printer, and we're just gonna make you the Trump peace prize.
21:12It's a medal, though, you know?
21:13Oh, it's a medal.
21:14Not when we make one for our boy Trump, we're gonna make Trump a big-ass.
21:18It's gonna be like a Flavor Flavie block.
21:20I mean, he only wants it because Obama got it, right?
21:23Yeah.
21:24Yeah, so...
21:25I mean, maybe they should just sneak into Obama's house.
21:28Where does he live?
21:30Yeah.
21:31I'm with you on that.
21:32That's why the National Guard is in Jakarta.
21:38It all makes sense now!
21:40Wow!
21:42Does anyone know who Maria Machado dedicated her big win to?
21:47Trump.
21:48Well, she dedicated, yes, to Trump, but there was another group.
21:51Who was the other group?
21:52A group?
21:53It's, uh, K-pop demon hunters.
21:55Yeah.
21:57They deserve it.
21:58Don't clap for that.
21:59Uh, answer.
22:00She dedicated her Nobel Prize to the suffering people of Venezuela
22:06and to President Trump for his decisive support of our cause.
22:11So Trump basically, like, got the shout-out.
22:14He got Miss Congeniality.
22:15Yeah.
22:17Let's see your offender.
22:18Who's this offender?
22:20Oddly, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
22:22Yes, that is Georgia Representative Owen Wilson, also known as Marjorie Taylor Greene.
22:32Let me tell you, no, do not offend Owen Wilson like that, okay?
22:36Uh, who does she offend?
22:38The Republicans.
22:39They pissed off because she was talking about she need the healthcare, right?
22:42And her healthcare's gone exponentially.
22:44She realizes she done teamed with the wrong people.
22:47Why am I still talking?
22:49Yeah.
22:50Because you're right!
22:52Points for Zaynoy.
22:56Yes.
22:58Marjorie Taylor Greene offended Mike Johnson by coming out in favor of extending Obamacare
23:05health subsidies.
23:06In a tweet so long that this shouldn't even count as a tweet.
23:09This is an op-ed.
23:11Marjorie said, quote,
23:13I'm absolutely disgusted that health insurance premiums will double if the tax credits expire
23:21this year.
23:22Not a single Republican in leadership talked to us about this or has given us a plan to
23:27help Americans deal with their health insurance premiums doubling.
23:32Republicans are saying MTG is out of her element.
23:36Here's Mike Johnson to start.
23:38Okay.
23:39But everybody's entitled to their opinion.
23:40I mean, not everyone knows everything.
23:42Oh, she does.
23:43She does know her children's healthcare doubled.
23:46So she didn't like that much.
23:48Her own kids and the people in her, in her district are being really impacted.
23:52Because it affects her.
23:53So she's upset about this.
23:54If it didn't affect her.
23:55Sure.
23:56I don't think she'd give a shit.
23:58And, but, but, but, in fairness, I don't think she would care because she's horrible.
24:06You know, it's sort of the broken clock is right twice a day kind of thing.
24:11Right?
24:12But she is right about this.
24:13According to NBC News, Trump himself reached out to GOP leaders in the past few months to
24:18ask, quote, what's going on with Marjorie?
24:21I'm not a, um, let's see, what's the right way to say it?
24:36I'm not a slave.
24:38Yeah, baby.
24:41I love this show.
24:44She said she searched for the right word.
24:49And landed on slave.
24:52God, I fucking love it here.
24:56So, she's also disagreed with the White House on the release of the Epstein file.
25:02She's been very vocal about those being released.
25:04Uh, question.
25:05What did Donald Trump have to say about the Epstein case this week?
25:09There was a question about Ghislaine Maxwell, right?
25:12That was in the, uh...
25:13Oh, a pardon.
25:14The pardon, yeah.
25:15A pardon.
25:16And he goes, who?
25:19Who's President Trump being asked about a pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell?
25:23This report is back and they rejected today an appeal by Ghislaine Maxwell to overturn her conviction.
25:29That means her only chance of getting out of prison is a pardon for you.
25:33Is that something you're...
25:34Who are we talking about?
25:35Ghislaine Maxwell.
25:36Uh, you know, I haven't heard the name in so long.
25:39Uh, I can say this.
25:40I'd have to take a look at it.
25:42I haven't heard that name in so long.
25:47How many thousands of times have we all heard that name collectively over the last 10 years?
25:53And we don't even know her.
25:54And the follow-up is, and he does.
25:57Do you think Trump will pardon Ghislaine Maxwell?
26:01No.
26:02He can't.
26:03It'll just keep it alive.
26:04He's got...
26:05He's got to have...
26:06There's no list, though, Kara.
26:07He has to pardon her.
26:08If there's no list, there's no crime.
26:09If she...
26:10If he doesn't pardon her, then she's gonna tell everything.
26:13Is she?
26:14Yes.
26:15Because that's what I want.
26:17I want him to not pardon her, and I want her to say...
26:23I want her to sing.
26:25That was a fendameter.
26:37Welcome back.
26:38It's time for Lie Curious.
26:40I give you three biographical details about a public figure, but only one is true.
26:44You have to guess which is the truth and which are big little funky lies.
26:49Let's get started.
26:50Time for three facts about House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries.
26:54Seen here pointing to the sombrero Trump about to draw on his head.
26:59Our facts are his uncle co-wrote the song The Power by Snap.
27:04He was a lawyer for CBS after Janet Jackson's Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction.
27:11He claims to have never eaten a donut.
27:14Which one is true?
27:16His uncle co-wrote The Power by Snap.
27:18Now, here's the truth.
27:19I have no idea what that song is.
27:20I got the power.
27:22It ain't got but four words.
27:24We're going with The Power by Snap.
27:25You good?
27:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:27All right, over here.
27:28He's the lawyer, right?
27:29No, I don't think he was the lawyer.
27:30Oh, well, then what do you think?
27:31I think...
27:32I think he has not eaten a donut.
27:33He looks very fit.
27:34Does he?
27:35I think the lawyer.
27:36He does look beautiful.
27:37He looks like he doesn't need a lot of sugars.
27:39She thinks he looks busted, which I thought was rude that she said that.
27:43You think Hakeem Jeffries is busted?
27:45Yeah, I don't really look at him and feel like I'm trying to get with him.
27:49No, I don't.
27:50I'm sorry.
27:51Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
27:53When you look at him, is he by himself or is he with his co-workers?
27:58Because when you're looking at all them motherfuckers, you're like, oh.
28:01But by himself, maybe less so.
28:04Sure.
28:05He's a DC 9.
28:07Yes.
28:08I think he's cute.
28:10But he's a New York 6.
28:13I need an answer.
28:15Okay.
28:16He has never eaten a donut.
28:18Hakeem Jeffries was a lawyer for CBS while working for white shoe law firm Paul Weiss.
28:25Jeffries defended CBS after Justin Timberlake briefly exposed Janet Jackson's breasts.
28:30We should have...
28:31Now, that one we should have known.
28:32During the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.
28:34Now, the choice of a Puerto Rican pop star Bad Bunny to play this season Super Bowl has got a lot of conservatives up in arms.
28:44But question for the panel.
28:45Which conservative icon unexpectedly came to Bad Bunny's defense?
28:51Rush Limbaugh.
28:52Well, he's dead.
28:53He's dead.
28:54So...
28:55He's dead?
28:56Not him.
28:57The answer, it was Bill O'Reilly.
28:59Oh.
29:00Legal note, because we don't want no drama.
29:02We have edited this clip for clarity.
29:05Is this good for America?
29:06Is this good for America?
29:08Bad Bunny?
29:09I don't think it's bad for America.
29:12I can reassure you, BB.
29:16You can tour in the United States.
29:19Ice is not gonna bother you.
29:20And if they bother you, I'll help you.
29:22Become a concierge member of Bill O'Reilly.com and I'll actually go where you are and tell Ice to knock it off.
29:29How did he get out of the facility?
29:34But I guess this is no surprise.
29:37Bill O'Reilly is a long-standing champion of live performance.
29:42Do it live!
29:43I'll write it and we'll do it live!
29:46Time for three facts about Texas Senator and graying scrotum Ted Cruz.
29:51Our facts are, he owns the couch from Roseanne.
29:56He's allergic to cotton.
29:58He once went bowling with Bo Derek.
30:01Oh.
30:02Which one is the truth?
30:03He definitely once went bowling with Bo Derek because that's some shit he would say all the fucking time.
30:11You would never hear the end of that shit.
30:13Yeah, agreed.
30:14Allergic to cotton doesn't seem right.
30:17Well, that is a cotton shirt around his neck and he does seem like he's having a reaction.
30:22His head was so small before he put that shirt on.
30:27All right, we're gonna go with the couch from Roseanne.
30:32Ted Cruz once went bowling with Bo Derek.
30:36Yes.
30:37For the young people, Bo Derek was the Sidney Sweeney of her time.
30:42Cruz was an advisor on the 2000 Bush campaign and celebrated election day by bowling with Bo Derek.
30:50He said, quote, she bowled barefoot with two hands and a white pants suit.
30:56Every man on the policy team was mesmerized.
31:01To be fair, in a bowling alley, we're all pretty hot.
31:05In his memoir, what does Ted Cruz say he did with Supreme Court Justices William Rehnquist and Sandra Day O'Connor?
31:15They got massages?
31:16Ted Cruz watched hardcore pornography with William Rehnquist and Sandra Day O'Connor.
31:22Cruz was a clerk for Rehnquist when the court was looking at one of the first cases to regulate internet pornography.
31:28So they watched a demonstration in which someone searched for the word cantaloupe and a slew of hardcore explicit images showed up on the screen.
31:39At which point, Justice O'Connor lowered her head, squinted, and muttered, oh, my.
31:47This has been Lycurious.
31:50More after the break.
32:01Welcome back.
32:02It's time for Missing Words.
32:04Here's your headline.
32:06Over $4,000 in cocaine and fentanyl seized in Detroit.
32:11Preschool.
32:12Blink.
32:14Over $4,000 in cocaine and fentanyl seized in Detroit.
32:18That's not very much, right?
32:19What?
32:20How much is enough drugs for you?
32:25$4,000 isn't enough?
32:28Well, you know, the porn doesn't pay for itself.
32:31Over $4,000 in cocaine and fentanyl seized in Detroit senior citizen apartment bust.
32:39Earlier this year, the fine men and women of the Detroit Metro Police Department conducted a search warrant on a senior center and eventually made 10 arrests and seized more than $4,400 in narcotics, including fentanyl and cocaine.
32:56Which, I'm okay with this.
32:57Me too.
32:58I feel like we stigmatize being old as something where you just sit and you eat a peppermint.
33:06They getting it in.
33:09Yeah, they say at, like, senior homes, the amount of STDs, like, rises exponentially.
33:15Yes.
33:16They and they're snorting and raw-dogging in these senior homes.
33:20Yes.
33:21Now, one non-geriatric public figure has gone out of his way to tell people he doesn't do cocaine.
33:27Oh, Donald Trump Jr.
33:28Trump.
33:29Trump.
33:30Double points.
33:32If you want to hear from someone who absolutely does not snort cocaine, I got you.
33:37I get it.
33:38My guys, who I stayed in touch with, many of them are just dear friends.
33:41They're like, hey, dude, there's no way you would have gotten away with that.
33:44I go, I know.
33:45Luckily, I don't snort.
33:46Oh, cocaine.
33:47Like, it's not my thing.
33:48It actually would be worse if he's not on cocaine.
33:53Here's your headline.
33:56Woman who blank reveals major impact it has on her body.
34:01Woman who had unprotected sex with a man reveals major impact it has.
34:06She got pregnant.
34:12Woman who walks on all fours like a dog reveals major impact it has on her body.
34:20A woman named Alexia Craft De La Soul claims she's into a form of exercise called quadrobics.
34:27Here she is talking about quadrobics, and whatever you picture quadrobics to be, I promise you,
34:35it's even dumber.
34:37Come on in, Alexia.
34:39Look how graceful she is.
34:42There's grace and elegance to that that is just remarkable, Alexia.
34:46It's absolutely incredible.
34:48Good morning.
34:49Good morning.
34:50Why she sit up on the couch like a dog?
34:57That was so fast.
34:59Did you see how quickly she's blip, blip, blip, blip?
35:03Yes.
35:04Madame Quadrobics has a vodcast, which is like a podcast except you need vodka to make it through an episode.
35:09Panel, does anyone want to guess what her wonderful vodcast is about?
35:15It's not about walking on all fours?
35:16No.
35:17No.
35:18Country music.
35:20Oh, yeah.
35:21Like, flavorless food.
35:22Like, obscure things like tiny homes, you know.
35:25You're close.
35:26Oh, really?
35:27Turns out Alexia has a vodcast that's all about van life.
35:33Wow.
35:34That's right.
35:35Yep.
35:36Living in the van.
35:37Why is everybody disappointed?
35:40Because they have homes.
35:44Here's your headline.
35:45Woman sets world record blank.
35:48Why is that not the end?
35:50Woman sets world record.
35:51Yeah.
35:52Pride of her.
35:53I'll give you a hint.
35:55It's walking.
35:56Oh, on all fours?
35:57No.
35:58Walking over something.
35:59Hot, hot, uh, rocks.
36:00Like, the lava rocks.
36:01Like, the fire pit thing.
36:02Hot coals.
36:03Hot coals.
36:04That's what I'm looking for.
36:05No, but it is painful.
36:06Lego!
36:07Lego!
36:08I saw this.
36:09Lego!
36:10Woman sets world record running barefoot on Legos.
36:13Oh.
36:14Which I think now, at this point, that's the last Guinness record we need.
36:18A New Zealand woman named Gabrielle Wall ran over 100 meters of Legos.
36:26And the great part is, we can watch her do it.
36:29Oh, yeah.
36:39You know what I love about this?
36:41You know, white women, they need adversity.
36:43You know?
36:50They walking on all fours, running on Legos.
36:53It's like, to be a white woman.
36:57Oh, my God.
36:58Girl.
37:00That's missing words.
37:01More after the break.
37:02Let's go.
37:09Welcome back.
37:11It's time for Odd One Out.
37:13I'll show everybody four pictures.
37:14You have to guess which one sticks out like Tom Homan on The Masked Singer.
37:19Here's your group of four.
37:20Kevin Costner, Jimmy Fallon, Steven Tyler, and Gary Sinise.
37:25Who is the odd one out?
37:27I want to say it's Jimmy Fallon is the odd one out.
37:29What do you think?
37:30I'm going to trust what you say, because it's just, it's for a white man.
37:37Thank you for respecting my culture enough not to make fun of it.
37:43Team Amber.
37:44One thing they haven't come to, I'm thinking, Steven Tyler, they all play music.
37:47Because they all do music for something, but it's kind of music.
37:51It's Kevin Costner, and everyone else was a real soldier.
37:56And Kevin Costner was a soldier in whatever movie I forget the name of.
38:00That's definitely not correct.
38:02I think they're right.
38:03I think it's Jimmy Fallon's.
38:04Look, are we on a team?
38:06Yeah, okay.
38:08It's just the band guy is there, so it has to be a music thing.
38:12It doesn't have to be.
38:13Okay.
38:14It can be whatever your heart wants.
38:15All right, you pick.
38:16You pick.
38:17It's Kevin Costner.
38:19The odd one out is Kevin Costner.
38:23Jimmy Fallon, Steven Tyler, and Gary Sinise have all starred in theme park rides.
38:32Oh.
38:33Jimmy Fallon, of course, stars in Race Through New York at Universal Florida.
38:36Steven Tyler stars in Disney's Rockin' Roller Coaster with the rest of Aerosmith.
38:42Wow.
38:43And Gary Sinise appeared in Mission Space at Epcot.
38:47Kevin Costner does, though, have a theme park attraction based on a movie of his.
38:53Yes.
38:54Oh.
38:55What is that movie?
38:56Zaynab, just give me a Kevin Costner movie.
38:57You know I only know the bodyguard.
38:59Yes.
39:01And you're right.
39:05It has to be Waterworld, right?
39:07Waterworld.
39:08Waterworld.
39:09Yeah.
39:10The attraction is Waterworld, a live sea war spectacular.
39:14It's so popular that they have it all over the world.
39:17There's not only one in California.
39:18There's also one in Japan.
39:22There's one in Singapore.
39:28And also Beijing.
39:30And on Valentine's Day in 2001, some people even got married at Waterworld as part of a 1,000-couple mass wedding.
39:45Yes.
39:47Babe, I love you.
39:48Let's get married on the set of a movie that...
39:51About the end of the world?
39:52I want to know what the bodyguard ride would be.
39:55It's just you get into a big white man's arms.
40:00Cares you around.
40:05That was Odd One Out.
40:11Welcome back.
40:12It's time for Witch's Hire.
40:14I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news if you tell me Witch's Hire.
40:18The running time of last weekend's number one movie, Taylor Swift, the official release party of a showgirl.
40:25Or the running time of the 1995 cult classic, Showgirls.
40:30Ooh.
40:31Yeah, I mean, let's go with Showgirls the original, right?
40:33Because, I mean, something's got to beat out Taylor.
40:35We think Showgirls.
40:36We think it's going to beat off Taylor.
40:40I think we should go with Taylor Swift.
40:42And I think that that's true because Taylor Swift is a concert, right?
40:47It's not a concert.
40:48What is it?
40:49It's a big long ad for Taylor Swift's album.
40:51It's an ad?
40:52Well, no.
40:53It made like $50 million at the box office.
40:55It's like a program.
40:56What is it?
40:57No one knows what it is.
40:59What is this?
41:01It's like, it's like a music video.
41:03Okay, it's...
41:04Give me a fucking answer.
41:05Taylor Swift!
41:07Taylor Swift!
41:08The running time of Taylor Swift, the official release party of a Showgirl, is 89 minutes.
41:14And the running time of Showgirls is 131 minutes.
41:18Yeah.
41:19So the running time of Showgirls...
41:20Told ya.
41:21...is higher.
41:22I want to thank our guests tonight, Kara Swisher and Zaynab Johnson.
41:28And of course, thank you to our team captains, Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black.
41:34Before we sign off, here are a few more stories we are watching.
41:39Swinger Couple asks you over for dinner and more.
41:45It was the biggest bagel you've ever seen.
41:48And locks as far as the eye could see.
41:55I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:56And I'll see you next week for another episode of How I Got News For You.
41:59And we still haven't seen all the Epstein files.
42:04Good night.
42:09Good night.
42:10How are you?
42:11I'm okay.
42:13Good night.
42:14You are back.
42:15Oh, I get back.
42:16I've heard you go.
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