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TVTranscript
00:00.
00:21Come on, TV!
00:23Come on, TV!
00:25TV!
00:26TV!
00:29Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:31I'm Roy Wood Jr. in the news this week.
00:36Stephen Miller and Marco Rubio await Trump's return from Great Britain.
00:43Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 6 premieres.
00:47On Amberstein tonight, he's a former Republican congressman from Illinois, but now he lives on a forum upstate where he frolics with all the other retired politicians.
01:02Or at least that's what my parents told me.
01:03It's Adam Kissinger!
01:09And joining Michael, she's a comedian, actress, and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, which is the kind of podcast that people actually listen to, not the one that your weird neighbor makes in the basement.
01:21It's Nageen Farsad!
01:23Hey!
01:27Now for the biggest stories of the week.
01:30Adam, Amber.
01:31Hi.
01:32I will show you video clips and you tell me what is the story.
01:37Simple.
01:38Bald man.
01:39This little lady is pointing because she's mad at the FCC.
01:42Yeah.
01:43And you got Jimmy Kimmel.
01:45This is about Jimmy Kimmel getting snatched off the air.
01:49Oh yeah, points.
01:50You already know what the hell that was.
01:51Yay!
01:53The story is Jimmy Kimmel free speech cancel culture.
01:56And if you want to talk about what's going on, but you also want to keep your job, here's some advice.
02:01Shut up!
02:02Shut the fuck!
02:04Shut up!
02:06Shut up!
02:07Shut up!
02:08Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut, shut up!
02:10Does anyone know why ABC decided to shelve Jimmy Kimmel's show indefinitely?
02:17Those are cowards?
02:18Oh, my God, this is the FCC.
02:19Hang on.
02:22Uh-oh.
02:23Understood.
02:25Uh, new question.
02:29Why did awful liberal Jimmy Kimmel get what he deserved?
02:34Uh, what was it that Kimmel supposedly did that got him in trouble?
02:38Ultimately what happened is Donald Trump got his feelings hurt.
02:41And when he gets his feelings hurt, he now uses the government to get his way, his FCC commissioner made it clear that he's going to do his bidding.
02:49And all the other late night hosts are next, according to them.
02:52Adam, we're trying to stay on the air over here.
02:58Let's just look at the thing that offensive disrespectful liberal Jimmy Kimmel did.
03:03Yeah.
03:04Let's look at the offensive thing Kimmel said.
03:05You've got to be locked up in gym.
03:06That's the way it has to be now.
03:07Or, uh, involuntary lethal injection.
03:08Yep.
03:09Or something.
03:10Just kill him.
03:11My bad.
03:12My bad.
03:13That was the wrong clip.
03:14That was...
03:15That was Brian killing me.
03:16Talking about killing homeless people.
03:17And he's still employed.
03:18Yeah, yeah.
03:19Yeah.
03:20Can we play the actual Kimmel clip?
03:21Play the actual Kimmel clip.
03:22We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize
03:27this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them.
03:32And doing everything they can to score political points from it.
03:37Was that clip offensive and remaining offensive?
03:42And remember, no matter how you answer, you will be fired.
03:47Things escalated quickly from there.
03:52Uh, let's go through the timeline of what went down, um, over the week on Wednesday.
03:56Uh, does anyone know what happened earlier in the day on Wednesday before the Kimmel suspension
04:02came down the pipeline?
04:04A podcast?
04:05Brendan Carr was on and he kind of did a little be ashamed if something happened to your little nightly show there
04:10or your little network if, uh...
04:12And so, yeah, he basically was implying, gosh, ABC better take care of this.
04:17Because I'd hate to use the power of the government against them.
04:19Points for Team Amber.
04:20Uh, hours before Kimmel's show was put on pause, FCC chairman Brendan Carr was on a right-wing podcast and had this to say.
04:29I think that it's, it's, it's really sort of past time that a lot of these licensed broadcasters themselves
04:34push back on Comcast and Disney and say, listen, we are going to preempt.
04:38We are not going to run Kimmel anymore until you straighten this out.
04:43I mean, look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.
04:45Is this the easy way?
04:47He's saying if you don't straighten, straighten this out and it's unclear what this is that he's referring to.
04:54Yeah.
04:55The government will violate your First Amendment and pull you off the air.
04:59Uh, he didn't say it in those words because that would be unconstitutional.
05:03But that's what happened and that's the result.
05:06The FCC is in the licensing business because you don't want two shows on the same spectrum in the same town.
05:11It's not about content control and it's not about taking away your First Amendment right.
05:16Right after Carr said that, uh, Nexstar, a company that owns a lot of the ABC affiliate stations,
05:21said that they were preempting Jimmy Kimmel Live immediately because of his comments on Charlie Kirk
05:27and that, quote, continuing to give Mr. Kimmel a broadcast platform in the communities we serve
05:33is simply not in the public interest at the current time.
05:37At which Carr, from the podcast earlier, then tweeted,
05:41I want to thank Nexstar for doing the right thing.
05:45Jeez, even the Sopranos are more subtle when they, like, drive people.
05:49There was one free speech warrior in the midst of all of this
05:52who stood up for Kimmel by tweeting this online.
05:55They said, quote,
05:56political satire is one of the oldest and most important forms of free speech.
06:01That's why people in influential positions have always targeted it for censorship.
06:07Are you trying to trick us? Is it someone who's really bad?
06:11You'd think it would be somebody who hadn't yanked Jimmy Kimmel off the air.
06:18But in fact, it's Brendan Carr.
06:22Points, points, points over there. Yes.
06:24FCC chairman Brendan Carr back in 2022 said that.
06:29Now, look, guys, I'm starting to feel like there's some hypocrisy going on.
06:32But has someone shown him this tweet?
06:35Maybe this whole thing is just a giant misunderstanding.
06:38I know Brendan Carr. I served on the committee that oversaw the FCC.
06:43So I knew him in his time there. And I will say this about him.
06:46He really, really wants to be liked and popular.
06:49And I think he found his way to do it in a certain community.
06:51Ever since you left politics, you talk mad shit, and I like that.
06:57I'm out of prison. It's great.
06:59You're about to be back in, though.
07:00I know. It feels like that.
07:02What's Ted Cruz like?
07:03You work as a Republican in this White House.
07:08Is there a way to be liked as a Republican without dirty knees?
07:15Hey!
07:16I'll say this. Look.
07:18One of my good friends was John McCain.
07:21And people got to like him because they knew...
07:24People want to know that when you're doing something,
07:26you're doing it because you actually really believe it.
07:28I think people respect that.
07:30What they don't respect is how the Republican Party
07:33has gone from a party that believed in X,
07:35and now, however many years later, the exact opposite of that.
07:38For example, constantly suing people all the time.
07:42And the Republican Party used to be against frivolous lawsuits.
07:45So, how did ABC react to the news that a major affiliate group
07:51was going to be preempting one of their more popular programs?
07:55They got together and said,
07:56yeah, we're not going to say your douche shit.
08:00According to Rolling Stone, ABC Disney and affiliates
08:03held emergency meetings, and multiple execs felt that Kimmel
08:07had not actually said anything over the line,
08:11but the threat of Trump retaliation loomed,
08:14or as one ABC insider put it,
08:17they were pissing themselves all day.
08:20Yeah.
08:21Honestly, I would watch that show.
08:24Now, ultimately, ABC did decide to pull Kimmel's show.
08:28Uh, does anyone know how Brendan Carr responded
08:32when CNN Brian Seltzer reached out for comment afterwards?
08:36It was a celebratory response, not a professional response.
08:40you would expect from an FCC chairman.
08:43Seltzer from CNN, uh, said our next quote,
08:45I asked FCC chairman Brendan Carr if he had any new comment
08:49now that ABC has pulled Jimmy Kimmel's show,
08:51and he sent me this gift.
08:54So, I don't understand why he would use that graphic
08:57to celebrate an ABC show being taken off the air.
09:00The office is an NBC show.
09:03If he wanted to respond with an ABC show,
09:05this is what he should have sent.
09:07Uh, Sinclair Broadcaster Group also voiced their displeasure.
09:17What did Sinclair ask for from Kimmel
09:20if he wants to be back on their airwaves?
09:23He had to apologize and donate money to TPUSA,
09:29a political organization of which Jimmy Kimmel...
09:32Well, we should be clear. It's Charlie Kirk's political organization.
09:35It's not just some random organization.
09:38Good. It's for you.
09:45Understood.
09:46I'm sorry.
09:50Sinclair issued a statement on Wednesday saying, quote,
09:54Suspension is not enough, and calling on Kimmel
09:57to issue a direct apology to the Kirk family.
10:00Furthermore, we asked Mr. Kimmel to make a meaningful,
10:03personal donation to the Kirk family
10:05and Turning Point USA Charlie Kirk's conservative advocacy group.
10:10They also want Jimmy Kimmel to bring back mean tweets,
10:13because that was a good bit on that show.
10:16Here's the president in England on Thursday.
10:18Jimmy Kimmel is not a talented person.
10:21He had very bad ratings,
10:22and they should have fired him a long time ago.
10:24So, you know, you can call that free speech or not.
10:27He was fired for lack of talent.
10:29Can I ask? Can I ask a question?
10:31Why is it, ladies, that you can put foundation
10:34so much on your face and completely not blended in
10:38to everything here and back?
10:40Isn't there a way to at least do some kind of a transition
10:44so that it doesn't look like?
10:46I keep looking at that, I'm like,
10:48is nobody telling him?
10:50Like, doesn't he care?
10:52Adam, you know, what we should do
10:53is send him some TikTok tutorials.
10:56Because that's what...
10:57I love them!
10:58Yeah, right?
10:59He could have a smoky eye by Thursday.
11:01By the time he fires Roy Wood from his job.
11:05Yay!
11:07Did the president think I'm Kenan Thompson?
11:09He don't know who I am.
11:12I'm safe, baby.
11:14So the president says that Jimmy Kimmel has no talent.
11:17And to be fair to President Trump,
11:19if anybody knows talent, that's a man who knows talent.
11:23Green Acres is the place to be.
11:26Farm living is the life for me.
11:30Land spreading out so far and wide.
11:34Keep Manhattan.
11:35Just give me that countryside.
11:37That's how you connect with rural voters right there.
11:40Get on TV with a pitchfork.
11:45And in case there was any confusion to the Kimmel thing,
11:49the president added even more clarity
11:51to the situation a little later on.
11:53All they do is...
11:54They're not allowed to do that.
11:56They're an arm of the Democrat Party.
11:58Do you all think that's true?
11:59Do you all think late night shows
12:01only create a place for liberal dialogue?
12:03Amber, you be over there with Seth Meyers sometimes?
12:05Is it a...
12:06Is 30 Rock just a big-ass liberal building?
12:09Yes.
12:14Now, I'm just a acting school dropout
12:18and a former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
12:20Mm.
12:21Okay.
12:22But it seems to me that's exactly what the First Amendment says you can do.
12:26You can say whatever you want.
12:29You can argue this 15 years ago
12:31that maybe conservatives didn't have enough voice on the media.
12:34Are you kidding me?
12:36You look at a certain 24-hour news channel,
12:39you look at all these podcasts,
12:41conservatives have as much of a voice as anybody has ever had
12:45at any point in history, but they feed on this idea
12:48that they're always oppressed.
12:50And there is nobody that's better at being a victim
12:53than the president himself.
12:54The most powerful man in the world
12:56is a victim of everything and everybody.
13:00And it's exhausting.
13:02Well, if you went bald and had to get a hair transplant,
13:06you might be upset, too.
13:08Yeah.
13:09So far, the president has targeted CBS,
13:11The Wall Street Journal, ABC, and The New York Times.
13:14Uh, question to the panel.
13:16Do you think this is all part of an overall strategy?
13:20Yeah!
13:21No, duh, Roy. No, duh.
13:23You think that just because he's filed a bunch of lawsuits
13:26trying to silence media organizations and police
13:28who they have on the air based on their opinion
13:30that there's an overall strategy to suppress the media?
13:34Well, this is the point,
13:36is all of this is about intimidation.
13:38Not a single one of the lawsuits
13:40that Donald Trump would ever bring would ever win.
13:43But you intimidate, you threaten corporations,
13:45and it's the same with individuals
13:47when he threatens jail with individuals
13:49or he threatens an investigation.
13:51Now they have to defend themselves
13:52against spurious charges,
13:54and that in and of itself is the intimidation.
13:57As a comedian who's gotten, like, very many death threats
14:00and stuff like that,
14:02I would say, go back to that!
14:05I mean, like, you know what I mean?
14:07Like, instead of carting people off
14:09and firing them and whatever,
14:11go back to the garden variety, like, digital hate mail.
14:15Well, at least you know people are thinking about you.
14:17In many ways, it's flattering.
14:23What conservative came out on Friday
14:27to voice their concerns about the Kimmel situation?
14:31It was one Theodore Rafael Cruz of Texas.
14:36Uh, yes, it was Texas senator
14:38and vacation enthusiast during snowstorms.
14:40Ted Cruz!
14:42Ted Cruz!
14:43On his podcast verdict,
14:45Ted Cruz had this to say
14:47about Brendan Carr's threats towards Jimmy Kimmel.
14:50No.
14:51No.
14:52No.
14:53No.
14:54No.
14:55No.
14:56Look, look, I like Brendan Carr.
14:57He's a good guy.
14:58He's the chairman of the FCC.
14:59I work closely with him.
15:00But what he said there is dangerous as hell.
15:04You gotta hand it to Ted Cruz right there.
15:06No, you gotta take it right back immediately,
15:07because it's Ted Cruz.
15:08But you gotta hand it to Ted Cruz on that one.
15:12That's one of them retweets.
15:13You're like...
15:14These are just the latest skirmishes
15:17in the battle over free speech,
15:19and that conversation has been at the forefront,
15:21of course, since, uh, Charlie Kirk's assassination.
15:24But the reason why Nextstar
15:25might be kissing up to the FCC
15:27is because Nextstar is trying to get approval
15:29for a big merger.
15:30It's $6.2 billion proposed acquisition of Tegna
15:35would create a mega company
15:37that would reach 80% of television households
15:40in the United States.
15:42Follow-up question.
15:43Have I ever heard of Tegna?
15:45No.
15:46I've never heard of Nextstar.
15:47I've never heard of Tegna.
15:48How are these, like,
15:49the most important companies in the country?
15:51Because...
15:52I've never heard of them.
15:53Because the country is run by silent corporations
15:55who live in the shadows
15:56and don't want you to know that they're there
15:58and actually influencing all of the laws
16:00and making everything terrible.
16:07I'm sorry. I'm the host.
16:08I'm not supposed to have an opinion.
16:11Does anyone watch TV at home anymore?
16:15Like, maybe the silver lining is TV's dying anyway?
16:20Sorry.
16:21Sorry.
16:22Are you a TV right now?
16:23I didn't mean...
16:25It's not dying.
16:26You're doing the right thing.
16:28Stay seated.
16:29More have I got news meetings coming right out.
16:35I just think if the FCC allows that to go through, man,
16:38then we can just say the FCC stands for fucking clown car.
16:41Yeah.
16:44Uh-oh.
16:45Oh, shit.
16:47Hang on.
16:48Brendan Carr.
16:49Hey, what's...
16:50Hey.
16:51Okay.
16:52Yes.
16:53Apparently, FCC stands for fine, cool, and collected.
17:00Laugh!
17:01Fucking laugh!
17:03The thing that I think is tough is right now, you know,
17:06all of media is going through this kind of massive reconfiguration,
17:10all these consolidations, everything else.
17:12And right now, for that,
17:14this is the absolute wrong administration to have
17:18at this specific time in media,
17:21because it's not even about,
17:22will they allow monopolies or will they not?
17:25It's about, are they going to profit?
17:27There is so much, you know, hands in the pot
17:30that are getting paid out of some of this stuff,
17:32and so for them to just threaten them is absolutely unreal,
17:35and it's frightening,
17:36because we're going to end up coming out of this administration
17:38with the damage that's being done anyway,
17:40but on top of that,
17:41these mega, mega companies
17:43that will be tough to compete against.
17:45And, despite everything,
17:47hate speech is still allowed in this country,
17:49or as one person eloquently put it...
17:51You should be allowed to say outrageous things.
17:54You should be allowed to say contrarian things.
18:05Welcome back to Have I Got News For You.
18:07Michael, in the game.
18:09Watch the clip.
18:10Tell me, what is the story?
18:12So that's the president
18:14and a guy who's not going to have his job very long.
18:16Oh, a Bitcoin.
18:17Okay, I know what that is.
18:18So crypto. Oh, a nice hand.
18:19A firm one.
18:20It's two white people, very good.
18:22Oh.
18:23And money.
18:24This could be about literally anything.
18:25Everything.
18:26Yes, this is every story.
18:27It's like every day.
18:28The story is the president went to England,
18:31came home,
18:32and got paid every step of the way.
18:35In other words,
18:36Trump is kind of acting like this.
18:38Hey, Mr. Wonderful here.
18:39First of all, thank you, Coco Bear,
18:41because I have a labubu.
18:42Oh!
18:43My labubu has glasses, too.
18:45Ichiwawakaramba!
18:47You ever hear something you don't know,
18:49like, which race should be offended,
18:50but, like...
18:51I don't like it when he says labubu.
18:54President Trump went to the UK,
18:56where, among other things,
18:57he talked trade with Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
19:00Question,
19:01what issue was at the top of Trump's mind
19:04when he was heading into the visit?
19:07Epstein.
19:08Oh, wait.
19:09Who did this ballroom,
19:11and can they do the one we're building
19:13in the United States?
19:14Trump's main concern
19:16was which castle he'd be sleeping in.
19:20It's the first time this has ever happened,
19:22where somebody was honored twice,
19:23so it's a great honor.
19:24And this one's at Windsor.
19:26They've never used Windsor Castle for this before.
19:28They use Buckingham Palace.
19:30And I don't want to say one's better than the other,
19:33but they say Windsor Castle is the ultimate, right?
19:35So it's gonna be nice.
19:36But basically, I'm there also on trade.
19:39This man should be on a trip 100% of the time.
19:41Oh, yeah.
19:42And each country should take its turn.
19:45Trump may have been honored to stay there,
19:48but he certainly wasn't honored by Windsor's new art installation.
19:52Anti-Trump possesses project some images on there,
19:55and what were they of?
19:56As you can probably see from some of these pictures,
19:58Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew,
20:01and Jeffrey Epstein.
20:03One of your goals in life should be to never have your scandals in IMAX on the side of a building.
20:12That's like what the sphere is gonna follow up Oz with.
20:15Earlier this week, the president announced a quote,
20:18We have a deal on TikTok.
20:20This is the app he's wanted the U.S. to control since 2020.
20:23Question, who's the key figure at the heart of the TikTok deal?
20:28Is it, um, Larry Ellison?
20:30I don't know.
20:31Why did you say it all sexy?
20:32I...
20:33Oh, my God, that's a great question.
20:35I don't know.
20:36A key figure at the center of Trump's TikTok deal
20:38is his friend and tech CEO, Larry Ellison.
20:41Oh!
20:43Let's see a picture of Larry.
20:45Just, ooh.
20:46Oh, that looked like a dude about to slap you across the face with a glove last time.
20:53For just a few hours last week, Larry Ellison was briefly the richest person in the world,
20:59but by the end of the day, he fell back to number two like the broke bitch he is.
21:03He definitely looks like the only time he laughs is when he's rubbing his hands together.
21:09So, uh, Larry Ellison and his company, Oracle,
21:12are teaming up with some private equity firms to take over an 80% stake in TikTok while China will still own 20%.
21:21Does anyone know why there's an 80-20 split and it just doesn't go 100% to an American?
21:26Because China gets to keep the algorithm and not share it with America,
21:32which is the whole reason TikTok was banned in the first place because of China's control over the algorithm,
21:37of which they still keep.
21:38The only difference now is Donald Trump's friend has an 80% stake in TikTok.
21:42Okay.
21:43China's cool with it and everybody's rich except us.
21:45Help me understand, what's the problem with the algorithm?
21:47They suppress certain information and bring other information forward.
21:51So does Twitter.
21:52You saw that...
21:53Yeah, but you see that, like, with the political motives.
21:55So, for instance, during the, you know, the beginning of the Israel-Gaza stuff,
21:59they were heightening a lot of the division there.
22:02And you also see it...
22:03Try to do a nice TikTok about, uh, Taiwan and see where that gets you.
22:08See how that never goes viral.
22:10Viral views.
22:11And that is the Chinese Communist Party and the government
22:14playing around in U.S. domestic politics.
22:17Question.
22:18What Trump relative was in the news this week
22:21defending a different Donald deal?
22:24Jermaine.
22:27Can you imagine if there was a Jermaine Trump?
22:31There probably is.
22:32He just don't claim one.
22:35The Trump relative, uh, making money this week is, uh, Eric Trump.
22:39Oh.
22:40No, Eric Trump, the...
22:41the Nepo Beavis, as I like to call him.
22:44Uh, fun fact about Eric Trump.
22:46Uh, his high school nickname was literally Chode.
22:50Yes.
22:51This week, the New York Times laid out a timeline
22:53of how an investment firm backed by the ruling family
22:56of the UAE deposited two billion dollars
22:59into the Trump family's crypto company.
23:01Eric is also the public face of that company,
23:04so he went on CNBC this week,
23:06where Jack Kernan didn't shy away from asking tough questions.
23:10Um, this is today, uh, Eric.
23:13Two big deals inter...
23:15And, and just, you know,
23:16I'm sure you, you hear about this all the time.
23:18You've got, um, you've got a way, uh, obviously,
23:21of, uh, of explaining that...
23:24I mean, you've thought about this.
23:25When you talk to the president about this,
23:27or when Don talks about some of his, uh, investments.
23:30Uh, uh, uh, uh...
23:32Somebody got to reboot him.
23:35He sounds as nervous about losing his job...
23:39Yeah.
23:40...as I feel about losing my job right now.
23:42Now, a lot of people are claiming foul play,
23:44and they believe Trump has some dealings
23:45within the crypto company,
23:47which he shouldn't as a president,
23:49but Eric has always been on message
23:51that his dad has not run this company.
23:54Question.
23:55What indication do we have
23:57that his dad might actually be involved
24:00with the company?
24:02Oh, is it just, like, he talks about it all the time
24:05and how much money he's making?
24:07Oh, no, it's deeper than that.
24:09It's this gold statue
24:11of Trump holding a Bitcoin
24:14that went up outside the Capitol building this week.
24:17First off, that statue looked like
24:19they spray-painted a Bob's big boy.
24:21Like...
24:24The common thread from the Fed
24:26to TikTok to Bitcoin
24:27is that Trump is getting paid.
24:29Totally.
24:30The staggering amount of corruption
24:32that someday we'll actually read about
24:34and care about.
24:35You remember Qatar gave us a $400 million jet
24:39that now the government's
24:40spending a billion dollars to upgrade?
24:42Oh, by the way, that Donald Trump
24:43gets to take with him and use
24:45after he's president of the United States?
24:47And by the way, we still need a new Air Force One,
24:50so he's gonna take this little gift with him,
24:52and then what do we do for the next president,
24:54who actually needs an Air Force One,
24:56which we should be building right now?
24:57You know that's not gonna be a next president.
24:58That's a good point.
25:00That's a good one.
25:01More after the break.
25:05Welcome back.
25:06It's time for Lie Curious.
25:07Here's how it goes.
25:08I give you three biographical details
25:09about a public figure,
25:10but only one is the truth.
25:11You have to guess which one is true
25:12and which are hideous, nasty, funky lies.
25:14Let's get started.
25:15Time for three facts about New York City's Republican nominee
25:19for mayor Curtis Sliwa.
25:20Seen here, wondering if his friends were lying
25:24when they said, yeah, you can pull off a beret.
25:26A facts about Curtis Sliwa.
25:27He was the world sour pickle eating champion
25:28four years in a row.
25:29His favorite song is Taps.
25:30He claims he invented Double Dutch.
25:31Which one is the truth?
25:32Oh, my God.
25:45Oh, my God.
25:46I love seeing your friends.
25:47Come on, let's tell you the truth.
25:49How about you?
25:50He claims he invented double dutch. Which one is the truth? Oh my god
25:56Did you say what's double dutch? Yeah, I don't know y'all got we got a trade
26:05Want him to be the pickle-eating champion
26:09The beret kind of maybe goes with taps as his favorite song
26:15I feel like taps is such a weird
26:17It's so weird and he's so weird. Yeah. Yeah, I think that works. Curtis Sliwa was the world's sour
26:27In fact, there's even a photo of Sliwa competing in a pickle-eating contest
26:34Yeah, he's the one with the
26:36Well, you know which one he is
26:39According to the Dothanus he ate 3.8 pounds of pickles
26:47How many pickles do you eat? For breakfast? I had five. I'm not kidding
26:56It's a crazy thing competing in a pickle-eating contest is maybe the least weird thing that Curtis Sliwa has done
27:03The mayoral candidate is also famous for faking something. Does anyone know what it is that he faked?
27:10Let's say it at the same time one two three
27:16I'll give you a hint he lied about being a victim of a crime what crime oh, did he juicy Smollett before
27:22Mugged juicy Smollett. Oh, you said juicy. That's a better name. Yeah, look at you said the Dave Chappelle version of his name
27:29It's a better name
27:31Curtis Sliwa lied about his own kidnapping
27:34Yes, and was forced to admit it during the John Gotti trial
27:39Please please behold this perfect sentence quote
27:43Curtis Sliwa faked his own kidnapping in 1980 and came clean about it when he was actually
27:50Kidnapped
27:52In 1992
27:55This guy has to be mayor now
27:57You know, he's got my vote. Yeah, sour pickle eating champion
28:02Faked his own kidnapping and then was actually kidnapped. Yes. I'm voting for him every day of the week
28:09Who kidnapped him and why that's all the information I have?
28:13Who kidnapped him go home and read up on raspberry beret and his kidnap?
28:22And get back to me
28:25Curtis Sliwa was kidnapped and
28:28Shot by gunmen allegedly hired by John Gotti and barely survived after jumping out of a moving
28:35Taxi this guy should be mayor of New York
28:38Time for three facts about White House advisor and minion riding from the inside
28:46Steven Miller our facts are he's an avid metal detectorist
28:52He only eats mayonnaise
28:55He refuses to wear a seat belt in the car. Which one is the truth team Michael? I'll start over here. You want to go with mayonnaise?
29:01I mean, that's where my heart is
29:03Yeah, but I picture him also absolutely refusing to wear a seat belt. Yes
29:09Yeah, let's go with seat belt. That's great because I think he's an avid metal detector. Yes, he looks like one
29:15Yes, absolutely. Now the only way he isn't is because they're usually out in the Sun and that man has never seen a seat belt
29:23Right, right, right. Also mayonnaise doesn't do well in the Sun. No
29:27Yeah, because we eat mayonnaise no matter what like all the time
29:30Yeah, according to Stephen Miller's wife Katie. He only eats mayonnaise
29:36Here's Katie Miller in a conversation with JD Vance about their favorite condiments
29:41I had a buddy used to eat french fries and mayonnaise. I thought that was disgusting
29:44It's the only thing my husband needs with french fries or like period period okay, wow
29:49Yeah, he's only a mayonnaise guy. It also came out this summer that Donald Trump has a special pet name
29:55For Stephen Miller bonus question
29:58Anybody want to guess Stephen Miller's pet name around the White House? Yes baby mayo shiny one
30:04Bald baby
30:06Wish and then turned into a human
30:10Here's Trump biographer Michael Wolff with the answer trump calls him weird Stephen weird Stephen because he is weird by the way
30:20According to a profile this week in rolling stone Stephen Miller was so disliked by his colleagues that they started a rumor about him
30:28What was the rumor that he's got hair everywhere else?
30:34Shots fired
30:38According to the article Stephen Miller's colleagues claimed that he quote like to play with porcelain dolls
30:46Oh, that feels so right
30:51I'd like to also personally thank the author of that article because it led to one of the best headlines in the history of publishing
30:58Quote white house insists Stephen Miller does not play with dogs
31:02Yes
31:05This has been like curious more after the break
31:15Welcome back to have I got news for you
31:17This is the offend-o-meter the index of everyone who's made people mad this week
31:22Teams have to tell us who's the offender what they did and who they offended
31:28Let's see an offender please on the screen
31:30Somehow that's our fbi director
31:36Yeah, that's his resting face cash patel
31:39Yes, that's fbi director cash patel. Who did cash patel offend?
31:43Uh, well, he had his congressional hearing
31:46Yes
31:46And he yelled at everybody and everybody yelled at him
31:49He yelled at cory booker
31:51Eric swalwell
31:52Indeed, yeah, and the janitor he yelled at everybody
31:55Wednesday, he testified in front of the house judiciary committee
31:59Here he is throwing a tantrum in the general direction of congressman eric swalwell
32:03And all swalwell did was ask him a simple yes
32:07Or no question
32:08Did you ever tell the attorney general that donald trump's name is in the epstein files the attorney general?
32:14And I've had numerous discussions about the entirety of the epstein files and the reviews conducted by our team
32:19The question is simple
32:20Who can tell the
32:23Attorney general that donald trump's name is in the epstein files? Yes or no?
32:27Why don't you try spelling it out?
32:28Yes or no director use the alphabet?
32:30Yes or no?
32:31No, a b c
32:32Director
32:33It sounds like you don't want to tell us
32:35Here's a tip if you ask somebody a yes or no question
32:37They go a b c d e f like that
32:40I don't know the answer
32:41Can I make a serious point like the
32:44I served in congress 12 years we know and uh
32:49Thank you for your service
32:55I never could ever imagine a witness of any stature talking back to a senator or even house member of my time in congress
33:05When the fbi director not even a cabinet position comes in and talks down to sitting members of the house and senate like that
33:12He has no respect for the separation of powers absolutely the wrong person for that job
33:18It's offensive
33:20How do we make sense of this it was all a performance for donald trump and donald trump loved it
33:27That's all I needed to do
33:28Also there everyone's like doing bits for tick-tock clips
33:33Everything is just a clip now as opposed to like getting anything done
33:38It's wild
33:39Here's what I don't understand
33:40You're saying they're doing that for tick-tock just for clips
33:46Adam if there is confirmation here somebody comes in sits down and just ball-faced lies
33:51Yeah, why can't congress then do something about that they can
33:59But they don't because the senate now is basically here's a history lesson the the end of the roman empire the senate
34:06Oh, jesus christ
34:08No, but they don't all they care about is making trump happy so that's why bill cassidy you know can say i'm very concerned about rfk and his stance on vaccines
34:17But he promised me he wouldn't ban him i'm gonna approve him and then all of a sudden
34:21He's doing this and it's like well there's nothing we could do the other is you can cut their funding off
34:26You can impeach them if they lie to you but they don't
34:29They should
34:31Let's see your offender who's this offender that's old chode
34:37That's the five-year boy right there
34:40Who did old chode offend this week certainly the lord
34:43This week eric trump offended none other than eric trump
34:51Here he is on fox and friends speaking about his family's relationship to charlie kirk
34:55He became obviously dear friends of don's he became you know that's right probably a second son to my father
35:03Let's play that again he became you know that's right probably a second son to my father now understand what he's trying to say
35:10He's trying to say that charlie kirk is like a son to his father and that's how much in their relationship okay fine cool
35:15But donald trump already has
35:17A second son
35:18He's got a third son
35:19He's got three of them
35:20But do you know who his second son is
35:22Well
35:23Eric trump
35:24He's this chode
35:26He's trying to say like a son but he said like a second son
35:29He's like you demoting yourself
35:31That's so much sadder than anything i have ever said on this show
35:37Oh, I can top it roll the clip
35:39I had a older jamaican guy probably 75 years old and very broken english come up to me yesterday and he goes you know mr
35:45Trump i'm so sorry to hear about charlie he goes i was i am charlie kirk
35:49I knew he was lying when he said somebody came up to him
35:53He said a jamaican guy
35:55Came up to him in broken english do the accent
35:57Oh
36:02Who am i chet hanks
36:05You can do the accent i can't do the accent oh no man
36:09Nothing but respect to me jamaican brethren
36:14That was a fender meter we'll be right back
36:22Welcome back it's time for missing words here's your headline
36:27Blank rocked by cheating scandal spelling bee chess
36:32scrabble
36:35Scrabble curling
36:37Competitive scrabble competitive chess competitive spelling bee competitive style
36:43You're all wrong double dutch
36:45Stone skimming championship
36:48Rocked by cheating scandal how
36:51Apparently skipping stones across bodies of water is a very serious sport in scotland you know you take
36:57them flat stone
37:00But in the world of stone skimming the championships in easedale
37:05It was discovered that some of the participants had been deploying stones that had their rough edges filed off
37:13Give it a little bit more aerodynamic skippity skip it's like the stone was doing steroids
37:18Yeah
37:19Yeah
37:19Yeah
37:20Now
37:21It's it's a very difficult story to follow because it's a sport we're not familiar with here in the state
37:26So since we're a little confused about what's going on here's a local who explains it perfect for us
37:33The championships are held on easedale island in a flooded slate quarry
37:36Easdale is one of the slate islands which earned her name as you might have guessed due to the slate that they used to quarry there
37:41Easdale has nae cars and is only accessible via boats before long it was my turn to stone on the skim of destiny
37:47I started very strong before quickly feeling miserably with my two other stones
37:50Knowing I had any one I drown my sorrows in the puffer caffeine
37:56Couldn't have said it better myself
37:57Perfect
37:58All right, here's your headline
38:00Australia approves world's first blank for koalas
38:05Jail
38:07That'd be cool
38:08Yeah
38:08Yo koalas are kind of assholes
38:11I'm gonna go the other way
38:13Because I believe in the innate goodness of all creatures
38:17Australia approves world's first public school for koalas
38:23Let's get them out of that jail pipeline
38:24Let's get them into school give them some programs maybe some after-school basketball
38:29I think this could work out great for koalas
38:32They just need somebody to believe in them
38:33Yes
38:34Right
38:34Right
38:35I was gonna say because they are known to be jerks
38:39That it would be like Australia approves world's first like anger management program for koalas
38:46Australia approves world's first chlamydia vaccine for koalas
38:51Yes
38:53Definitely wasn't going that way
38:54It is a huge problem apparently in Australia those koalas are
38:58Up there raw dogging in the leaves
39:02Apparently koalas are quote at risk for infertility and death due to widespread
39:08chlamydia infections
39:11Yes, Australia known for all the stds you got koala
39:15chlamydia you got kangaria
39:19Of course you have good dates
39:20Oh
39:22Oh
39:24Oh
39:28Oh my god
39:29That's the funniest one yet
39:30Good dates
39:32What are you?
39:33No, be nice
39:35That's missing words more after the break
39:37Welcome back it's time for which is higher i'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news you tell me
39:50Which is higher one of the year's most talked about movies was amazon prime's war of the worlds starring ice cube
39:58roger ebert.com described it as quote
40:02ew
40:04Which brings us to the question which is higher the number of days it took to film
40:10amazon's war of the worlds
40:13or
40:14the rotten tomato score
40:18In my experience shooting a major feature film can often take three four months
40:22No, but this movie was pretty much all zoom and facetime ice cube yeah ice cubes at a computer the whole movie
40:27What this shit took nine days to film
40:32The rotten tomato score that was 11. the answer according to producers the number of days it took to film war of the worlds was 15 days
40:43Okay, what and the current rotten tomato score for 2025's war of the worlds is four percent
40:50wow
40:53wow
40:55It was filmed in 15 days during the pandemic and it all takes place you know on ice cubes computer screens calling talking to people
41:00Which means most of the movie scenes is basically this
41:04And then ice cube looked in the camera and said today was a bad day
41:19That was which is higher i want to thank our guests former representative adam kinzinger and the game facade
41:25And of course thank you to our team captains amber ruffin and michael leon black
41:34Before we sign off here are a few more stories we're watching hey we're ordering shake shack for lunch you in
41:42You guys ordering some shake shack
41:51I'm roy leon jr and i'll see you next week for another episode of how about that news for you
41:55And we still haven't seen all the epstein files
41:59You
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