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Have I Got News for You US S04E09
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00:08RUY WOOD JR.:
00:19Yeah!
00:21Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:23I am RUY WOOD JR.
00:25In the news this week.
00:27RUY WOOD JR.:
00:28Despite leadership shake-up, Kennedy Center still booking major acts.
00:33RUY WOOD JR.:
00:39A quick look at Americans checking their 401Ks.
00:44RUY WOOD JR.:
00:47Don Jr.'s morning regimen revealed.
00:50Fentanyl, heroin, meth, and cocaine.
00:53RUY WOOD JR.:
00:54On Emberstein Tonight, he's a comedian.
00:55He's been on Kimmel, NPR, and Comedy Central.
00:57And he's known for hilariously calling out racism wherever he sees it.
01:02Michael, maybe you should leave now.
01:05Uh, it's Hari Kondabolu.
01:09And joining team Michael, he's an award-winning journalist who has won three Edward R. Murrow
01:15Awards and hosted NPR's All Things Considered until last year when I assume he ran out of things to consider.
01:22It's Hari Shapiro!
01:26Now for the biggest stories of the week.
01:29Amber, Hari, watch the clips.
01:32Tell me, what is the story?
01:34RUY WOOD JR.: Okay, this is our best friend.
01:36And that is a map.
01:38Straight up Hormuz.
01:39RUY WOOD JR.: The doors are closed.
01:40So I'm just gonna say this story is about how everyone hates us and they're right.
01:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:47I agree with that.
01:48Yes, the story is Donald Trump goes to war with the world and people abroad are not fans of it.
01:54But how's it going here at home?
01:56If you could say something to President Trump and he was gonna hear you right now, what would it be?
02:01You're a worthless pile of s***.
02:05And you voted for him how many times?
02:07That was three times.
02:08That was my bad.
02:10Apparently, I'm an idiot.
02:14RUY WOOD JR.:
02:14The most Amish person in America.
02:18Three times.
02:19Now as the war continues, President Trump seems perpetually surprised that Iran is actually
02:24fighting back during a war.
02:27Uh, so now Trump, a man who seems to burn bridges while he's only halfway across the bridge,
02:34has finally realized, oh dear, I need help from other countries.
02:38How's that getting help from other countries going?
02:40Yeah, apparently when you do stuff without asking people, they don't want to help you afterwards.
02:44Here's Dan Abash with how some of our allies responded.
02:47Germany, this war has nothing to do with NATO. It's not NATO's war.
02:50UK, we will not be drawn into the wider war.
02:53Italy, Italy is not part of the conflict.
02:55Australia, we will not be sending a ship to the Strait of Hormuz.
02:58Japan, we are proceeding with consideration.
03:01We are considering his Japanese for, fuck you.
03:06When Trump met with the Japanese Prime Minister,
03:09Sanai Takeshi, what happened in the meeting?
03:12He thought it would be a great idea to make a joke about bombing Pearl Harbor.
03:17Why didn't you tell US allies, uh, in Europe and Asia, like Japan,
03:23about the war before attacking Iran?
03:25We didn't tell anybody about it because we wanted surprise.
03:29Who knows better about surprise than Japan, okay?
03:33Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor, okay?
03:37Right?
03:38To be fair, he got some laughs in the room.
03:40He got like two groans.
03:42I'll take it.
03:44Also love, he did the joke, it bombed, and then he goes, right?
03:50Ladies, you know what I'm talking about, right?
03:52He made the attack without telling the other countries.
03:55Because normally in war, you go, hey, I'm gonna go over there and punch him in the face.
03:58Make sure you got my back.
03:59But Trump, instead, punched people in the face and then came back and go, hey,
04:03I just punched him in the face.
04:05Would you mind helping me fight me?
04:08Here he is hedging his bets.
04:10We have the strongest military by far in the world.
04:12We don't need them.
04:14But it's interesting.
04:16I'm almost doing it in some cases, not because we need them,
04:18but because I want to find out how they react.
04:20Oh, he's going through the stages of grief.
04:22That's denied.
04:25According to Trump, it'll be, quote,
04:27very bad for the future of NATO if they don't help us.
04:31He's gonna bomb NATO.
04:34He's gonna bomb the hell out of NATO.
04:35Britain's former chief of the defense staff doesn't want NATO to get pulled into this war.
04:40NATO was created as a underlying four times defensive alliance.
04:44It was not an alliance that was designed for one of the allies to go on a war of choice
04:49and then oblige everybody else to follow.
04:51Is that red thing his heart rate?
04:55So now Trump's in a bit of a pickle.
04:57He started a war that no one wants to help in,
04:59and there's no clear way out of that war.
05:01But Trump is a scrappy guy who's always overcome adversity,
05:04and he's overcome adversity all by himself.
05:07He doesn't need people.
05:08Is Donald Trump a self-made man?
05:14The truth of the matter is that Donald Trump sees himself as self-made.
05:18In 2015, he was asked this question at an election town hall.
05:22With the exception of your family, have you ever been told no?
05:26It has not been easy for me. And, you know, I started off in Brooklyn.
05:29My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.
05:33The only thing he made himself was that color.
05:38That's great.
05:41From the very moment Donald Trump has started in business,
05:44there has always been somebody there to bail him out when he failed.
05:49And he has failed a lot. In fact, Wikipedia has a whole category called
05:55businesses of Donald Trump that went bankrupt.
05:58And it has 24 separate pages.
06:03Question to the panel. What is your favorite failed Donald Trump business?
06:08I like the Trump Taj Mahal going down. That was always a big one.
06:11The casino, the Atlantic City.
06:13Yeah, because on behalf of India, fuck you.
06:17Well, of all the failed Trump businesses, there was this one.
06:21The Sharper Image is one of my favorite stores with fantastic products of all kinds.
06:27That's why I'm thrilled they agree with me. Trump's stakes are the world's greatest stakes,
06:32and I mean that in every sense of the word. How many senses of the word are there?
06:39The bigger question is, why are you buying a stake at an electronic store?
06:44According to the former CEO of Sharper Image, quote,
06:48we literally sold almost no stakes.
06:52In every sense of the word.
06:55So the man who failed at casinos, failed at hotels, failed at stakes has gotten us into a war
07:00that he promised he would never start, and now he's resorting to what he always does when things
07:05aren't going his way. He blames other people. Does anyone know which one of our allies Trump threw
07:11under the bus on Wednesday night? He posted this long-truth social rant about Israel bombing an oil
07:18and gas field that was jointly owned by Qatar and Iran, and Qatar is a U.S. ally, and he
07:23said Israel
07:24will never do that again, and Qatar, we're not going to bomb any more oil and gas fields, and
07:28tsk, tsk, shame on you.
07:30That is correct. Points to you, Ari, it was Israel. Wednesday night on Truth Social,
07:36Trump posted, quote, Israel, out of anger for what has taken place in the Middle East,
07:40has violently lashed out at a major facility in Iran. The United States knew nothing about this
07:46particular attack.
07:48This particular.
07:49You know how bad it's got to be for Trump to distance himself from you?
07:52He's still kicking with Rudy Giuliani.
07:56So Trump is, uh, cornered. He's alienated his allies, angered his supporters, and
08:01even some of his own staff won't back him up. There's only one option.
08:05Here's the president on Wednesday.
08:07I wonder what would happen if we, quote,
08:09finished off what's left of the Iranian terror state and let the countries that use it,
08:13we don't, be responsible for the so-called straight. That would get some of our non-responsive
08:18allies in gear and fast, President DJT.
08:21He misspelled straight.
08:24Maybe it's like a Gulf of America type situation.
08:27Right, right, right.
08:27Yeah. So from now on, that will be how it is spelled.
08:33Michael and Ari, watch the clip. Tell me, what is the story?
08:37Capitol Hill.
08:37Okay. Oh, that's that guy, Bruce Wayne.
08:40Mark Wayne Mullen.
08:40I'm gonna go with Bruce Wayne.
08:42And then Cruella de Vil.
08:43Yes, of course.
08:45Cash Patel.
08:46Yeah. Tulsi Gabbard, Cash Patel, went to the Capitol, and like all meetings with, uh,
08:52Trump officials talking to congresspeople, it did not go well.
08:55The story is, while Trump's focus is on other countries, the Senate was focused
08:59on domestic matters this last week. At the confirmation hearing for Trump's nominee to head
09:05of the Department of Homeland Security, Senator Mark Wayne Mullen. Looked like a business casual
09:10woodchuck right there.
09:13He says there's gonna be three more weeks of winter.
09:15Yeah. Three more weeks of winter.
09:18Confirmation hearing is to hold a prospective appointee's feet to the fire.
09:21And there's nobody better to do the scrutinizing than Iowa Senator Joni Ertz.
09:26I am going to say to the president, I am really upset that he has made your nomination.
09:32Why? Because I will be losing from the Senate one of the best friends that I have here, truly.
09:43Siri, play end of the road by boys to men.
09:48One person really seemed to lead the charge against Senator Mullen in the hearing.
09:53Which Republican was it?
09:55Was it Rand Paul?
09:56The only senator who has his barber to make him look like the dude from The Bear.
10:00Look at that haircut.
10:01Senator Paul gave a hard no vote against Mullen, adding, quote,
10:06I think there are anger issues.
10:09You did many interviews in which you justified the violence as historically justified by precedents,
10:14such as caning and dueling.
10:16What I was simply pointing out is some of the rules that still apply to this body.
10:21Uh, for instance, uh, dueling with two consenting adults is still there.
10:26Uh, I was pointing out what is still acceptable.
10:28It's been illegal for 170 years.
10:30There's no precedent for legal dueling.
10:34We should bring back dueling.
10:36But only between two consenting adults.
10:38Well, question, does anyone know where Rand and Mark Wayne's conflicts began?
10:44When Rand Paul's neighbor beat the shit out of him and Mark Wayne Lohan said to Rand Paul,
10:51you asshole, you probably deserved it.
10:53Point!
10:54Yes, indeed.
10:55Rand Paul's people, Mark Wayne goes all the way back to 2017 after Rand was assaulted by his neighbor
11:01in a property line dispute.
11:03After that, Mark Wayne repeatedly told a group of voters that he
11:06understood completely why his neighbor might want to attack Senator Paul.
11:12I don't know the details of this dispute with a neighbor,
11:14but I've lived in Washington and covered politics long enough to be able to say,
11:18he is, let's just say, not one of the most beloved senators on Capitol Hill.
11:23Why?
11:23Well, I think you might want to ask his neighbor.
11:27There seems to be another element of Mark Wayne's past that is, uh,
11:32coming back to Harnham right now.
11:33Uh, what part of Mullen's backstory is still being brought into question?
11:38He was a stripper.
11:39No.
11:40What would be Mark Wayne Mullen's stripper name?
11:43Mark Wayne full-on?
11:46What?
11:49Mark Wayne considered Mullen full-on, like a full-on...
11:52Like a boner?
11:53Like a boner, yeah.
11:54Oh.
11:55Okay.
11:55Earlier this month, Mark Wayne went on Fox News to defend our attacks on Iran, and he said this...
12:00War is ugly.
12:01It smells bad.
12:02And if anybody's ever been there and been able to smell the-the-the-the war that's happened around
12:09you and taste it and fill it in your nostrils and hear it, it's something that you'll never forget.
12:14Fact check true.
12:15Yeah, okay.
12:17But can you taste it?
12:18Can you taste the war?
12:19I personally have never tasted it, but maybe he's been in wars that I haven't covered as a journalist,
12:22so I'm not gonna...
12:23I'm not gonna yuck his yum.
12:29After seeing Mark Wayne talk about the smell of war, uh, New York rep and two-time Bronze Star recipient,
12:36Pat Ryan shared the clip and asked, quote,
12:39Hey, Senator Mullen, what the actual fuck are you talking about?
12:42Did I miss a part of your bio where you served in combat or served in uniform at all?
12:48Call of Duty doesn't count.
12:52Bigger question.
12:53Did Rand Paul's strategy work?
12:55One of the most reliable rules of presidential nominations is if you want to get somebody confirmed,
13:00pick a senator, because senators confirm their own.
13:02That's the rule.
13:03So if Senator Mark Wayne Mullen does not get confirmed as Secretary of Homeland Security
13:08because of a beef between Rand Paul and his neighbor, that is bonkers.
13:12You would need some kind of turncoat Democrat to vote for Mark Wayne Mullen for this thing to proceed,
13:18and I don't think that's gonna happen.
13:22What?
13:23Mark Wayne Mullen is moving on to the fantasy suites, a.k.a. the Republican Senate,
13:28because the deciding vote to approve Mark Wayne Mullen came from a Democratic senator,
13:36Pennsylvania king of the drawstring, John Fetterman.
13:41Oh, no.
13:43Right. John Fetterman dressed like a daddy and got custody of his kids.
13:48He just wears sweatshirts, right? It's just a range of sweatshirts.
13:51It's his thing.
13:52It wasn't just Mark Wayne Mullen.
13:53Who else found themselves in the hot seat before the Senate this week?
13:57There was Tulsi, and there was Cash.
13:59Yes, it was Tulsi Gabbard, a.k.a. the national intelligence director,
14:02and she's like one of the mommas at a rough parent teacher conferences.
14:06Your child is a piece of shit.
14:11Now, question to the panel. Why might Tulsi be so evasive in her answers about the U.S. strikes on
14:17Iran?
14:18Because the president keeps making claims about why we went to war with Iran, and everything that
14:26he's saying is contradicted by the report that our director of national intelligence submitted
14:32to the Congress and to the president.
14:34Here's what Tulsi Gabbard campaigned on back in 2020.
14:38He's on the brink of launching a very stupid and costly war with Iran.
14:42We have to stop President Trump from starting a war with Iran and risk direct U.S. conflict with Russia.
14:48Conflict that could easily lead to nuclear war. The U.S. must not go to war with Iran.
14:54And by not go to war, she meant we should go to war with Iran.
15:00That was 2020, Roy. Things are different now.
15:03Wow. Tulsi's testimony was part of a hearing on global threats where we also heard from FBI
15:08director Cash Patel looking like he's trying to get the waiter's attention, but the waiter is
15:13ignoring him on purpose.
15:15On Thursday, the House Select Intelligence Committee had questions for Cash over his firing
15:20of the firing of some FBI agents. Question on, why were the firing of those FBI agents so concerning?
15:27Because they would have come in handy. We're at war with Iran and they could have helped.
15:31Points!
15:32I did it!
15:35Cash fired the agents in charge of monitoring threats from Iran.
15:41These last two stories have been rough, man. Tulsi Gabbard's a Hindu. This guy's an Indian. It's like, what did
15:46I do?
15:48Did you always know his first name, full name was Cash Yap?
15:51Yeah.
15:52It's like when you find out like your homeboy's name is T-Bone, but his real name is like Douglas.
15:56You're like, really?
15:58Do you think his dad wanted to name him Money Talks?
16:05But instead, they went with Cash Yap?
16:12The big question people have for Cash Patel this week is, what are those?
16:18Oh.
16:19All week, people have been roasting the custom one-of-a-kind Nike duck lows that director Patel
16:24debuted at a seminar. Let's take a closer look at these sneakers. I don't know if there are any
16:28hypebeasts out there watching, but these are custom. The number nine is specific because Cash is the
16:34ninth FBI director. And if you look on the tongue, it has his personal K dollar sign H logo. The
16:41right
16:42shoe on the back there, that's the FBI model. And then the left shoe has the Punisher skull because
16:49he's just a giant fucking dork. Like, why? I just have to say, I don't like Cash Patel. I don't
16:55like what he does. But I like that he's having fun. Like, I'm gonna get sneakers with my name on
17:02him.
17:03He's showing up to hockey games. He's popping champagne. He's getting silly shoes made. It's a good time.
17:10This is what you would do if you were FBI director.
17:14100%. Never vote for me. Never. We'll be right back.
17:24Welcome back. It's time for the offender meter. Teams have to tell us who's the offender,
17:29what they did and who they offended. Put an offender on the screen, please.
17:33Who's that offender team? Is that John Oliver?
17:38After, like, eight whoppers, maybe. See, I'm a radio guy. I recognize people's voices.
17:43No idea what anyone looks like. Oh, well, this guy sounds like this.
17:47That is Massachusetts federal judge Brian Murphy. Who do you all suspect that
17:53Judge Brian Murphy offended? Did he talk shit about Ben Affleck?
17:58Brian Murphy offended HHS director RFK Jr. Seen here telling children that Sprite causes lupus.
18:08How did Judge Murphy offend RFK Jr.? Did he strike down a vaccine policy,
18:13saying it was not founded in science? Point!
18:18On Monday, Judge Murphy blocked RFK from policy changes that were recommended by his handpicked
18:23advisory committee, or as Greg Kelly put it. Okay. So, um, we'll have to give kids 72 vaccines
18:30all over again? Is that what's going on here? What was that music?
18:37That was Indiana Jones running from the boulder music.
18:40The vaccines are coming. You've got to run.
18:44Uh, the judge said that RFK and his advisory committee on immunization
18:49practices had made, quote, arbitrary and capricious changes to the childhood vaccine schedule.
18:57And as part of his decision, Judge Murphy brought up one very specific case involving
19:03which musical fan base? Is it the K-pop people?
19:07Oh, this is, this is domestic, baby. Is it, um, Insane Clown Posse?
19:14Juggalos!
19:15Boys!
19:15Oh!
19:17Oh!
19:17Oh!
19:19Are you for real?
19:20I'm just throwing up shit from half court.
19:23In one part of the ruling, Murphy cited Parsons versus United States Department of Justice,
19:28which was a case where the Juggalos tried to fight their designation as a gang.
19:33At this point, I'd rather have the Insane Clown Posse in charge of HHS and...
19:38Oh, that's right.
19:38...RFK Jr., but at least we now know they have an interest in science.
19:43Water, fire, air and dirt. Fucking magnets. How do they work?
19:48You're asking all the real questions.
19:50Fucking magnets.
19:51They don't want to tell you about the magnets. It just works.
19:54You're not allowed to ask those questions.
19:56We ain't allowed.
19:57Why is it weird that RFK Jr. made a bunch of changes to the vaccine schedule?
20:02When he was confirmed, they're like, are you going to change the vaccine schedule? He's like,
20:05nah, I'm good. And then he did it. Just like Donald Trump said, I'm not going to go to war
20:09with Iran. And then he did.
20:10During his confirmation hearings, Kennedy said he wouldn't change the existing vaccine
20:14recommendations.
20:15Senator, I support vaccines. I support the childhood schedule. I will do that.
20:23I mean, the worm might have eaten the part of his brain that remembers saying that.
20:28What if that was the worm talking?
20:31One committee member, Dr. Kirk Milhone, seen here asking what it's going to take to get you into
20:36a new Dodge Stratus.
20:40Dr. Milhone is a pediatric cardiologist who has suggested
20:44that all childhood vaccines, including shots against polio and measles, should be optional
20:49because the diseases no longer pose the dangers they once did.
20:54Oh, I wonder why they no longer pose that danger.
20:57Maybe because they were eradicated by vaccines. Kennedy and his team have been wreaking havoc
21:02on vaccines in this country since taking over, uh, reducing the number of recommended routine
21:07immunizations children receive from 17 to 11.
21:11Which diseases does the CDC no longer recommend vaccines for?
21:18Is it gonorrhea?
21:19Yeah.
21:19Cooties?
21:20Mumps, measles.
21:22Rickets.
21:22Some of the illnesses that the CDC no longer recommends children get regularly vaccinated for
21:27are hepatitis A, hepatitis B, rotavirus, influenza, and COVID.
21:33Oh, hmm.
21:33Yes, those diseases build character. You got to catch them.
21:38Uh, a new Axios poll says that 70% of Americans have little
21:43or no trust in health information from Kennedy.
21:48I just think it's hard to take medical advice from a guy that sounds like that.
21:52Like, he sounds like he's dying.
21:54He does not.
21:57Uh, does anyone know what other battle RFK Jr. was fighting right before Judge Murphy handed
22:04down this week's decision?
22:06Was he wrestling a shark?
22:07He very well could have been wrestling a shark.
22:10Uh, here's a video the secretary posted last weekend.
22:13And here we go. The crowd is on their feet. What an entrance. Muscle takes on the stack.
22:19What power. A huge suplex. What a slam. This is incredible.
22:25That's gotta be A.I.
22:26I'm okay with him fighting Twinkies.
22:29Twinkies don't mold. That's not normal.
22:33Some of my best friends are Twinkies.
22:37Let's see your offender.
22:40Oh, these guys.
22:41Oh, they're the children of the corn.
22:45Is the corn Elon Musk?
22:48Yes.
22:48Yes, these two are Justin Fox and Nate Kavanaugh.
22:52Who did they offend?
22:55They offended you and I, my darling.
22:57Keep going, why?
22:58They dismantled DEI.
23:00And they were talking about what qualifies as DEI.
23:06And their answers were basically anything that has anything to do with anyone who is not white.
23:16Any fucking thing.
23:17It was, it was, it was a bit of a master class. Sorry, master race class.
23:26Yes, Justin and Nate offended former government employees by working for Doge and getting a lot of people fired.
23:33Now, Doge is back in the news, uh, thanks to this.
23:37Former employees of Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency in the hot seat tonight.
23:41Deposition videos from January tied to a civil lawsuit going viral online.
23:46Former Doge staffer, Nathan Kavanaugh there, looked like he just got his first couple pubic hairs.
23:54It's always a special day. You remember that first two, three pubic hairs?
23:57It was like, still waiting.
24:00This is the guy who weighed in on how the government was spending his money.
24:04He was a staffer at Doge. Uh, how did Nathan decide what was and wasn't DEI?
24:10He played roulette in whatever came up black. Nathan said he made personal judgment calls on
24:16what was and wasn't DEI. And lawyers then asked him if that even made sense.
24:22Do you think it's inappropriate in any way that someone in their 20s with no experience with grants
24:29for federal government was making personal judgment calls about what grants to cancel?
24:34Um, no, I don't think it's inappropriate.
24:39Why not? Um, I think
24:43a person can have enough judgment from reading books.
24:47What books would you have read that would have informed your opinion on what grants to
24:50cancel based on DEI? There were no books.
24:57But I know what DEI is. I am aware. I understand how to detect DEI. I watched
25:02two episodes of Martin and two episodes of Frasier.
25:06Frasier, white Frasier. That's like the whitest.
25:10Yeah, you gotta have a control.
25:13You watch Frasier to understand the whiteness and then you move over to Martin.
25:17Uh, it turns out though they weren't using books to inform their cuts over at Doge.
25:22What did they base their cuts on?
25:25I feel like they used ChatGPT.
25:28Wait! Oh no!
25:30Survey says...
25:32Fox said he used ChatGPT to help identify and eliminate DEI programs.
25:38I don't like the word eliminate there.
25:39This meant, for example, that Doge canceled a grant for a museum's new HVAC system because ChatGPT
25:46mistakenly flagged it as DEI. Panel, do you think Kavanaugh regrets that people lost their jobs because of him?
25:55No. I think he regrets not having a top or bottom lip.
26:02No, he does not regret it. Check it out.
26:05You don't regret that people might have lost important income to support their lives?
26:12No. I think it was more important to reduce the federal deficit from $2 trillion to close to zero.
26:18Did you reduce the federal deficit?
26:20No, we didn't.
26:21Where's Rand Paul's neighbor when you need him?
26:25But despite not accomplishing anything, Nathan still has fans.
26:30Question, who's still a fan of old Nate Dogg out there in the world?
26:33Uh, Jake Paul.
26:35Power Boys.
26:36Kid Rock.
26:37Nick Fuentes.
26:39Frasier from Frasier.
26:41Don't put this on Kelsey Grammar. Don't you do that to Kelsey Grammar.
26:45Boy, you better Google Kelsey Grammar.
26:49Google it.
26:50No.
26:50Yes.
26:51The dog is, too. That's the crazy one.
26:55Uh, it is Elon Musk who's still a fan of Nate Kavanaugh.
27:00Elon posted a clip of Nathan and said it was,
27:01quote,
27:04legendarily based.
27:05First off, don't talk like that, Elon.
27:08Elon Musk makes me wish Mandela was meaner to the whites when he got out of prison.
27:14He was all like, truth and reconciliation.
27:16Truth and reconciliation.
27:18This is what happened.
27:20That was a friend of me, though.
27:34Welcome back.
27:35It is time for Missing Words.
27:40Here's your headline.
27:41This innovative Chinese robot can make you a blank.
27:45A star.
27:48Can make you a delicious breakfast,
27:51but then 10 minutes later, you're hungry again.
27:53Oh.
27:55It rhymes with star, Amber.
27:56I'll give you that.
27:57It can make you a car.
27:59It can make you go far.
28:01It can open your jar.
28:03This innovative Chinese robot can make you a centaur.
28:07I'm sorry, what?
28:08Yes, a centaur.
28:10Don't act like y'all don't know about the horse.
28:11Change the bottom of my body to a horse body?
28:14The centaur.
28:15You know, you got the horse.
28:16You got the horse booty.
28:18You got the four legs.
28:18That's what I'm saying.
28:19Yeah.
28:20I'm me.
28:21The bottom is pony.
28:23Okay, yeah.
28:23I thought you just meant the two-leg centaur, like the pupit.
28:26Oh, no, no, no, no.
28:27That would be ridiculous.
28:33In a new paper published by the
28:34International Journal of Robotics Research,
28:36a team of Chinese engineers say that their proposed human centaur system
28:41helps with weight distribution for people who have to carry heavy things.
28:44And let's just see it in action first.
28:52Do you need to get like a special centaur lock for when you park it outside,
28:58you know, and you don't want your centaur to get stolen?
29:01Yeah.
29:02First off, you're not going to take your centaur and lock it up outside.
29:05You're going to take that centaur inside, because this thing takes the stairs.
29:18That's going to get you killed.
29:22Does anyone know why a San Jose robot made headlines this week?
29:26I think one of those Waymo delivery cubes ran over a duck.
29:34Okay.
29:35The robot in San Jose made headlines because he wouldn't stop dancing while he trashed a restaurant.
29:42Oh.
29:43The staff tried their best to get the employee under control.
29:59The last time I did that, I kept saying, I'm good.
30:02I'm good.
30:03Here's your headline.
30:04Judge dismisses lawsuit from diner who claimed blank.
30:08Who claimed that that hair was yours.
30:14Judge dismisses lawsuit from diner who claimed taco shop salsa was too spicy.
30:19Oh.
30:20Oh, no.
30:21Ah, yes.
30:22Not everybody's built to live mouse.
30:26Roy, is there any indication if the person who did the suing was white?
30:31Do I recall that that person was from, like, Switzerland or something like that?
30:34Germany.
30:35Yes.
30:35Yes.
30:36After trying the green salsa at Los Tacos No. 1, a Times Square taco spot in 2024,
30:42German tourists said he suffered, quote, severe physical symptoms.
30:48Here's the story.
30:49According to the complaint, Faisal Manz said his tongue burned and his blood pressure soared
30:54after eating the green salsa. The judge, though, dismissed the claim, saying Manz
31:00never inquired about the salsa before eating it. The restaurant argued,
31:04Salsa is often spicy.
31:09We've been tourists in other countries, and you be watching other people, how they do
31:12their shit, but, okay, I'm...
31:13It's Germany, it's not Mars.
31:16After the tourist told a reporter to try the dangerous salsa for himself,
31:21the reporter found, quote, the salsa was just... wasn't that spicy.
31:28Yes, probably a Latino reporter, Denise Habanero.
31:33Uh...
31:33The salsa suit was one of three separate lawsuits the man filed against New York
31:40area businesses...
31:41Wow.
31:41...after his six-day visit.
31:43Mr. Manz also sued a New Jersey Walmart for discrimination.
31:47Who's the third group that he sued?
31:49Black people.
31:51This is an official organization that has a defined...
31:55NAACP.
31:58FDNY.
31:59He also sued the NYPD.
32:02Oh.
32:03Mr. Manz sued the NYPD for $10 million.
32:06FD says he tried to report a crime and police failed to respond to his 911 call in a timely
32:12manner.
32:13Was the crime that the salsa was too spicy?
32:16I've never been pro-police brutality until this story.
32:22That's Missing Words.
32:23We're after the break.
32:35Welcome back.
32:37It's time for Meet in the Middle, where we find common ground between two different people.
32:42All right.
32:42On one side, we have John Fetterman, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Mark Levin, and Hugh Hefner.
32:49And on the other side, there's Katie Britt, Nellie, Secretary of Veteran Affairs Doug Collins,
32:54and Winnie the Pooh.
32:56First up, we've got Insane Brown Posse.
32:59Which two of these people worked for UPS? Team Michael.
33:03So, John Fetterman...
33:04He still looks like he works for UPS.
33:06Yeah, definitely John Fetterman.
33:09And...
33:09Katie Britt?
33:10Yep.
33:11Okay.
33:11We're gonna go Fetterman and Katie Britt.
33:13Okay.
33:13Fetterman's big enough to carry multiple packages.
33:17He's like Frankenstein.
33:18He could do it.
33:20Yep.
33:21John Fetterman and Nellie both worked for UPS.
33:26John Fetterman posted this throwback pic of him driving a UPS truck back in the day.
33:32Oh, my God.
33:33What happened?
33:35Why is his body so big and his head is so small?
33:41So, Fetterman worked for UPS, as did Nellie.
33:44Oh.
33:44My first job that actually paid better was UPS.
33:48And that's the one I like to say I took pride in because, you know, that was like nine bucks
33:52an hour.
33:53I thought I was the man.
33:54Yeah.
33:55That's a lot.
33:57All right.
33:58Let's do we're here, we're cheer, get used to it.
34:02Which two of these people were high school cheerleaders, team Amber?
34:06Well, Hefner probably was.
34:08That's possible.
34:10And I would say girl lady.
34:12Yeah.
34:13Yeah, I agree with that.
34:14I want to say Doug Collins.
34:16Great.
34:16And Doug Collins on the right.
34:17And I like the idea of Mark Levin in a little skirt so much that I want to go with
34:23Mark Levin.
34:24I don't need to know that.
34:26Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Katie Britt were high school cheerleaders.
34:31RBG?
34:32And according to her yearbook from James Madison High School in Brooklyn,
34:36Justice Ginsburg was a member of the Twirlers.
34:40Oh.
34:41Yeah, she was in the Twirlers for just a little too long and people were like,
34:45shouldn't you stop twirling?
34:47And she was like, nah, I'm going to keep twirling.
34:49But yeah, if you quit twirling now before you die, then we could get some new younger twirlers in.
34:57Next up, we've got, holy scrap.
34:59Which two of these people were really, really into scrapbooking?
35:04I would say squinty guy.
35:06Okay.
35:07Glasses.
35:07Glasses left.
35:08And glasses right.
35:11For some reason, I know that Hugh Hefner, in his later years, was big into scrapbooking.
35:18That was a thing that he would do with his many wives.
35:21Oh.
35:21So Doug Collins and Hugh Hefner.
35:23Hugh Hefner and Secretary of Veteran Affairs, Doug Collins,
35:27were both into scrapbooking.
35:29Before Collins was elected to Congress in 2012, he actually owned a scrapbooking company.
35:35And Hugh Hefner was really into scrapbooking, uh, Michael.
35:39Here's a picture of Hef with the scrapbooks.
35:41Oh.
35:42Wow.
35:43There is some blackmail fodder there.
35:45Yeah, you know them pages stuck together, though.
35:47They can't get the blackmail fodder.
36:04Musil?
36:05Hugh Hefner and Fat Joe were both addicted to Diet Pepsi.
36:10At his peak, Hugh Hefner was drinking up to 30 Diet Pepsis a day.
36:17Oh.
36:1730.
36:18And not only was Hugh Hefner drinking up to 30 a day, so was Fat Joe.
36:23I got a problem.
36:25Mm-hmm.
36:2530, 40 a day.
36:27Jeez, damn.
36:27Let me tell you something.
36:28If I went to the doctor, God forbid, and they told me, yo, you have a problem due to Diet
36:33Pepsi,
36:34I got to take the shit on the chip.
36:36I got to just be like, I knew I was just doing too much with them Diet Pepsis.
36:44I feel like if your worst vices are Diet Pepsi and scrapbooking,
36:49your life is a little more boring than I thought Hugh Hefner's life was.
36:53We didn't get to Mark Levin and Winnie the Pooh,
36:56but between the rumors about Levin and Pooh's friendship with Piglet,
37:00both of them are associated with a tiny hog.
37:02More after the break.
37:12Welcome back.
37:13It's time for Which Is Higher?
37:15I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news.
37:18You tell me, Which Is Higher?
37:21Now, uh, St. Patrick's Day was, uh, this week, so it's the perfect time if you're
37:26at the house, kick back and, uh, re-watch the entire Leprechaun movie franchise.
37:31Oh.
37:32I rocked with Warwick Davis and the Leprechauns,
37:34which brings us to the question, Which Is Higher?
37:37The number of films where Warwick Davis played the title role in the Leprechaun movie franchise,
37:43or the total number of Mission Impossible movies?
37:48I think it's Tom Cruise.
37:49I think it's Tom Cruise, and I've always thought that.
37:52Okay.
37:53So you think there's more Mission Impossible movies than Leprechaun movies with Warwick Davis?
37:57That's right.
37:58Okay. Team Michael.
37:59I feel like this is a trick question. I feel like, obviously, there's more Mission Impossible movies,
38:03which makes me think it's actually the Leprechaun.
38:05How many, how many Mission Impossibles do you see?
38:07Like, six?
38:08Seven?
38:08There's at least eight, if not 20.
38:10I didn't know.
38:12Uh, the number of films where Warwick Davis plays the title role in the Leprechaun movie franchise is
38:17six.
38:18Ooh.
38:19And the total number of Mission Impossible movies is eight.
38:22Ah.
38:22So the number of Mission Impossible movies is indeed higher.
38:26Um, now, if you don't know the Leprechaun movie franchise, I know there's some young'uns in
38:30here. You watch all this new stuff on TikTok. Leprechaun is a beautiful franchise about a
38:34little evil green dude, and he run around, and all he want is his gold.
38:42Question. Which of these is a real Leprechaun movie title? Is it Leprechaun over the Rainbow,
38:49Leprechaun versus Gnome, or Leprechaun in the Hood? Team Michael.
38:53It's got to be Leprechaun in the Hood, right?
38:55Really?
38:55I want it to be Leprechaun in the Hood.
38:56Someone would make that?
38:57Yes.
38:58They would make that.
38:58I had a long night, and I didn't know what else to watch.
39:03The answer is Leprechaun in the Hood.
39:08Yes, the real movie is Leprechaun in the Hood.
39:12Question. In Leprechaun in the Hood, this is just for you, all right? Nobody.
39:18In Leprechaun in the Hood, does the Leprechaun wrap?
39:23I want the answer to be yes. I'm gonna say yes.
39:25Yes. Damn right he does.
39:30Will you show us the rap?
39:31It's fine that he raps in the movie, okay? But we aren't going to be showing that.
39:37All right? All right? We don't want, no one wants to see it. Let's just skip to flip your
39:43fucking card over and read the next thing. I can't live like this.
39:48Leprechaun wrap it.
39:49From the Emerald Isle to your place in the Hood. I'm the man of green, come to do no good.
39:53Flip in the Hood, come to do no good.
39:56Lep in the Hood?
39:59I don't like this job or the people here.
40:05That was Butch's Hire. We'll be right back.
40:11Time for a game called Who's That Baby? All right, let's see that baby.
40:17Oh, the baby.
40:19First clue, they are not eligible to run for president. They played a kindergarten teacher
40:24in a movie. And they are probably the only California governor who can bitch press 500 pounds.
40:29Wow. Gavin Newsom.
40:33It's Arnold Schwarzenegger.
40:35Yes, it is Arnold Schwarzenegger. And you can...
40:38Oh, same expression.
40:40Ran out of muscle milk.
40:41Nowadays, every celebrity is selling something. They always have commercials and they're influencing us
40:46and doing endorsements. Oh, Arnold had a commercial over there out there in Japan. I'm going to show
40:51you a few seconds of an Arnold Schwarzenegger commercial. And I want you all to tell me what product
40:57you think it's selling.
41:05What is that ad selling?
41:08Deodorant.
41:08The pants.
41:10Here's what the Arnold Schwarzenegger commercial was selling.
41:23The yen was strong.
41:26That was Who's That Baby? I want to thank our guests, Harry Kondabolu and Ari Shapiro.
41:32And of course, thank you to our team, Captains Amber Ruffin and Michael Liam Black.
41:37Here are a few more stories we're watching.
41:40Man spoils the end of Conclave.
41:50I'm Roy Wood Jr., and I'll see you next week for another episode of Have I Got News For You.
41:54And I'm available to be the new Bachelorette tonight.
41:58Thank you guys for joining us.
41:59We'll see you next week for another episode of Frozen Hebron Coffee with дополнительisticity.
41:59Trr. Tch.
42:04Tch.
42:04You
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