Middle Child Syndrome, Explained: The Kid Who Gets Forgotten...

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Go to http://uncommongoods.com/thetake to get 15% off your next gift!📺Born too late to be the first born and too early to be the baby of the family, middle children often get stuck in a...

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00:00With siblings, there's usually the responsible older child that gets away with everything younger

00:05child, and then there's the middle child. Born too late to be the firstborn and too early to be the

00:11baby of the family, middle children often get stuck in a kind of limbo, loved but forgotten

00:17or ignored, no matter how much they might try to make themselves an equal part of the family.

00:24That means hello in Chinese. I studied so much even though I wasn't allowed to go with y'all.

00:28Being the middle child can lead to one becoming a bit of a black sheep,

00:32their outcast nature at home bleeding out into the rest of their life.

00:35Many middle children on screen are actually the geniuses of their families,

00:40a surprisingly pervasive subtrope.

00:42I wish you was never even born!

00:44They were trying to make one with a brain!

00:46And even given all of their struggles in childhood, middle children can actually have a good shot at

00:51ending up the most well-adjusted adults out of their siblings. It's time to give middle children

00:56their moment in the spotlight. So let's unpack this trope.

01:00Stereotypes associated with birth order have long existed,

01:03and psychotherapist Alfred Alder developed his own theory around the specifics of how

01:08when you're born into your family can affect you as you grow and develop.

01:11It's different with me. I'm a star.

01:14Well la-dee-da!

01:15What is happening?

01:16It means that Marsha's getting to be a pain in the neck!

01:19Oh. Well la-dee-da!

01:21The older children are often seen as, or forced to be, the responsible ones. And as we analyzed in

01:26our video on the eldest daughter, she's usually made into essentially another parent. The oldest

01:31child also gets a, however brief, moment of living as an only child before the others show up,

01:37and so can form a special connection with their parents in a way that the others aren't able to

01:41in the same way. The younger siblings enjoy all of the perks of being the babies of the family.

01:47Their parents have usually become more laxed as they've had more kids, so less pressure is put

01:52on the youngest to be perfect and responsible. And because they're the babies, they're often able

01:57to weasel their way out of responsibilities or consequences because in their parents' eyes,

02:01they can't do wrong. And often, the parents feel that one of the older children is actually at fault

02:06for not looking after them. The youngest children also get to have a certain level of comfort that

02:11arises from knowing that there's always someone looking out for them, be it a parent or sibling.

02:16You are not leaving this table until you tell your sister that you love her.

02:20Middle children, on the other hand, get stuck in, well, the middle. They don't have the power or

02:24responsibility of the oldest sibling, but they also don't have the freedom of the younger sibling.

02:29There's nothing like two days at the hospital to make you appreciate your own home.

02:33Give me that! Oh my god! I'm the one who figured out they were wrong, remember?

02:37Well, if you're such a genius, why didn't you figure it out sooner? Nothing like 10 seconds at home

02:41to make you appreciate the hospital. While the older sibling might get attention for

02:45either their responsible nature, or being the first in the family to do something,

02:49or even for acting out in the face of everything put on their shoulders,

02:53and the younger sibling can get attention for just about anything,

02:57the middle child often feels lost in the shuffle.

02:59She's like a self-cleaning oven.

03:01This, unsurprisingly, can often lead to life feeling like a competition between the siblings,

03:06where they have to battle it out on the daily for love and resources.

03:10I like watching Jesse get in trouble. It makes my bird twitch.

03:14Ew, Judy! Get out of here!

03:16Who the hell is a bird?

03:17And this is, of course, a particularly hard uphill battle for the middle child,

03:21as they already feel like they're starting from the bottom.

03:24It can also become a problem when the other children are keenly aware of their own position

03:28and advantages, and use that to get the better of the middle child.

03:32Why is it so hard to get you Russos to do something nice for each other?

03:35Because when you're doing something nice for someone, your guard is down,

03:38and that's when another Russo will come right behind you and trip you.

03:41Given all of this, it's not surprising that middle children don't always have the best time as kids.

03:47You want to know what the best thing about childhood is?

03:49At some point it stops.

03:51Feeling forgotten about or overlooked can lead to the middle child going to extremes

03:56in an attempt to get attention from their family.

03:58This could be in the form of acting out or closing themselves off.

04:01Though often on screen, it comes out in the form of a snarky wit that they use to throw

04:06jabs at everyone else in the family. If they can't get attention, they can at least make themselves

04:10laugh and maybe knock another sibling down a few pegs in the process.

04:14It's not easy being the smart ones in this family.

04:16Don't compare us! Your last English paper came back with a Garfield sticker on it that said way to go!

04:22And this is a key position of the middle child. Because they exist in that neutral,

04:27often ignored middle ground, they're able to observe the rest of their family from a bit of a remove,

04:33allowing them to see and better understand everyone else's inner workings and flaws.

04:38Who do you think you're talking to?

04:40Mama, I know you. I know you to be a nasty, jealous, scheming child.

04:46Feeling left out or like no one else notices your true potential can be heartbreaking as a child,

04:52and lead one to becoming rather jaded. We often see middle children on screen going down some very

04:58dark paths in attempts to feel like they're in control of something, like they have power in

05:03some part of their lives. From Edmund momentarily going to the dark side,

05:07to Game of Thrones' Stannis Baratheon making so many terrible choices.

05:13The choice is no choice at all. He must fulfill his destiny and become who he is meant to be.

05:21Even if they're not pulled into the total darkness, the middle child can often still feel

05:26like they're under immense pressure to do something to claim their own space in the family.

05:31Because no one else is usually paying too much mind to what's happening to the middle child,

05:35they're often left to their own devices to decide what to do with their life and

05:38how to make an impact. This can lead to them just giving up and going with the flow.

05:43But most often, especially on screen, this leads to them becoming intense overachievers as a

05:49way to stand apart from their siblings.

05:51Luke has a giant project due tomorrow for school that he hasn't even started,

05:54and Hailey just informed me she needs 40 cupcakes for her school fundraiser.

05:57I'd like to point out I completed all my assignments on my own and on time.

06:02Oh my god.

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07:39Being the overlooked genius of the family is a major subtrope of a middle child we see on screen.

07:44Sometimes the families do appreciate an attempt to foster the middle child's smarts,

07:48like with Laura on Family Matters.

07:50You're exacerbating the problem instead of ameliorating it.

07:54I am not.

07:57But just to be sure, I'm going downstairs to check the dictionary.

08:00But most often, the middle child's apparent genius just leads to more problems.

08:06Malcolm of Malcolm in the Middle is the archetypal smart middle child.

08:09His smarts make him stand out from the family,

08:11but he often feels like it makes him weird rather than superior.

08:15Around here, being smart is exactly like being radioactive.

08:19And while he's good at school, he often still has a hard time understanding his family,

08:24and they're just as confused about him.

08:26Is Malcolm a robot?

08:28No son, he's just smart.

08:30Very, very, very, very, very, very smart.

08:34His parents want him to be able to do great things with his abilities,

08:37especially his mother Lois.

08:38But because he's so different from them,

08:41they often feel like they don't know how to really give him the help and attention he needs.

08:45And they've got a lot to focus on with their other kids.

08:48The genius middle child's parents are often well aware of their smarts,

08:53but this actually leads to them leaving the middle children to their own devices even more,

08:57because they feel like the other children they have need more help,

09:01while the genius middle child can handle everything themselves.

09:04Modern Family's Alex is the poster child for this.

09:07Get straight A's for 10 years, spend your summers building houses,

09:10drag your cello to school every day, write the perfect essay, and for what?

09:16Because her older sister Haley was often getting into trouble,

09:18and her younger brother Luke was often up to something,

09:22Alex was left to her own devices to figure out how to make her big dreams a reality.

09:27She took it upon herself to overachieve to a wild degree.

09:31And while everyone in her family obviously knew that she was super smart,

09:34no one really understood how much work she was putting in until she had a full-on mental breakdown.

09:41There is a 16-year-old science prodigy studying cancer research at Johns Hopkins!

09:4516! What am I doing? I'm eating cake!

09:47No, no, no!

09:48No!

09:49No!

09:50It took her totally coming apart at the seams for her parents to finally take the time to understand

09:56just how much pressure she was under, and realize that just because she figured out how to take

10:01care of herself doesn't mean that she should've just been left alone to deal with everything in her

10:06life.

10:07I had no idea the kind of pressure you're under. Honey, I was just you for two hours, I could barely

10:12hold it together. I don't know how you don't have a meltdown every day.

10:16While there are certainly parts of being a middle child that can be less than stellar,

10:20it can also actually set those middle children up for success in a number of ways.

10:25While their younger siblings might never learn to truly be responsible for themselves,

10:30because they're always used to someone else being there to pick up the slack or take the blame,

10:34and their older siblings might burn out early on from the stress of being responsible for so

10:39much so young, the middle children can sometimes skate right through the middle and actually come

10:44out the other side as the most well-adjusted of their siblings.

10:48I know now I need a purpose. That's what I've learned. I can't just lead one of those purposeless lives.

10:56And while feeling ignored by those closest to you can certainly leave lasting scars,

11:01the ability to fly under the radar also allows middle children a different kind of freedom to try out

11:07new things, experiment, and start to figure out what they truly want out of life.

11:11I have regular woman panties, where the string goes up my crack, I have tits, I do sex,

11:17I'm carving my own path.

11:20Since no one else is going to draw them a roadmap or help them along,

11:23they begin working on finding their own way from a young age.

11:27I want to use science to improve the world, like I did in Antarctica.

11:31Back off you disgusting snow chicken!

11:33While being overlooked may have meant that they had to learn to fend for themselves,

11:37they can still form close bonds with their siblings, even if they don't always see eye to eye.

11:43Because of that remove from which they were able to view the family,

11:46the middle child is also able to see the important bigger picture.

11:51Because in the end, you're my sister.

11:52And one day only we will remember Sybil.

11:57Until at last, our shared memories will mean more than our mutual dislike.

12:03Middle children might have an uphill battle to get the attention they need and the respect they deserve,

12:08but that doesn't mean that they're not an important part of their families.

12:12Growing up in the middle of everything gives them a different perspective on the world,

12:16and a key set of skills for surviving it.

12:19It's time we let the middle children have their moment, and give them the appreciation they deserve.

12:24Something happening in this house is actually about me.

12:28That's the take! Click here to watch the video we think you'll love,

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