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Being the ‘baby’ of the family is usually seen as a major win, scoring you all of the attention and none of the consequences. But it turns out that being the youngest sibling isn’t always...
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00:00Being the baby of the family is usually seen as a major win,
00:03scoring you all of the attention and none of the consequences.
00:07Sometimes, I just like to toss a grenade and run away.
00:10But it turns out that being the youngest sibling isn't always sunshine and rainbows.
00:14For all of the many positives that can come with being the youngest,
00:17there are also some surprising downsides that don't get talked about nearly as often.
00:22So let's take a deeper look at youngest child syndrome in movies and TV versus real life
00:27to get a better understanding of the full reality.
00:30Good and bad of being the last born child.
00:33As we've unpacked in our other videos so far in this series,
00:36there's a strongly held notion that birth order directly influences a child's behavior and personality.
00:41Of all of the different options, eldest children, middle children, only children,
00:46for many, it seems like the youngest children have it the best by far.
00:49And some research seems to suggest that this is true to a certain degree.
00:53A 2021 study found that youngest children tended to be the most social,
00:57the most resilient, and the least likely to have general difficulties.
01:01But why?
01:02Youngest children's outlook is, like all children,
01:04shaped greatly by their family environment growing up.
01:07This can lead to a whole host of negative outcomes,
01:10even for the youngest, which we'll dive into in a moment.
01:12But the last born children, especially on screen,
01:18often benefit from a number of positive factors that stem directly from their being the youngest child in the family.
01:23Their parents already have experience raising at least one other child,
01:27so they're better able to prepare for and plan around the youngest child and their needs.
01:31Because the parents have already been through the rollercoaster of child development with the older sibling or siblings,
01:36they've had time to learn the ropes so that they can better guide the youngest child through these stages,
01:41and also help foster the best outcome.
01:44While eldest children are often made to feel like the first pancake,
01:47a trial run to figure out how to do things correctly the next time,
01:51youngest children are on the other end of the spectrum.
01:54Youngest children also often, though not always,
01:56have older siblings around to help care for them,
01:59so they get additional love and support.
02:01A major stereotype about youngest children is that they're able to get away with everything.
02:06While the parents might have been quite strict with the older children,
02:09by the time the youngest is born,
02:10they've had time to loosen up and accept that they can't control everything,
02:14and often are just a lot more tired and burnt out after raising multiple kids.
02:18And so while the older children might have been made to feel like their every move was being made under a microscope,
02:23the youngest are more free to push boundaries and make mistakes without suffering severe consequences,
02:29or sometimes any consequences at all.
02:31I know how to push buttons to get what I want.
02:33And what I want is to see a puppet show.
02:36Because they're seen as the baby,
02:38even as they grow older,
02:40authority figures often give them a lot more leeway because they're seen as young and still learning.
02:45Even when the older children might have been expected to behave differently at the same age,
02:49this can unsurprisingly lead to some resentment from the older siblings,
02:54who feel like the youngest is allowed to be,
02:56and sometimes even encouraged to be,
02:58self-centered and focused solely on themselves
03:00without having to think about anyone else or the bigger picture.
03:03Sucks to be you, Janine,
03:04but the point of this game is to survive.
03:07And you can't do that if you're taking care of everybody.
03:09So shocking.
03:11Well, what's that supposed to mean?
03:12On screen, all of this is often played as fun.
03:15The mischievous younger sibling pulling pranks and wreaking havoc to add some wackiness to a story.
03:20And this is certainly how it can play out in real life, too,
03:22with the youngest children providing some much-needed spirit-lifting to family dynamics.
03:26But these kinds of tropes around youngest children can also elide some less jovial realities about being the last-born child.
03:34While there is a lot to love about being the youngest sibling,
03:37it can often split down two parenting paths that definitely don't always feel like a win.
03:42The first, at first, can often come across as a positive.
03:45When the youngest child is singled out as the favorite,
03:47this favoritism can come just by virtue of them being the baby or from being the one the parents were waiting for,
03:54where parents keep having children until they get the one that fits a certain type.
03:57For example, we often see this in families of all girls trying until they finally get a son.
04:02This can seem like an ideal, getting to be the center of attention and affection.
04:06But it can also lead to the youngest child being suffocated by helicopter parents
04:11who don't ever want to let their baby grow up.
04:14Where are we going?
04:14A small study group of friends.
04:16Otherwise known as an orgy.
04:18Mr. Stratford is just a party.
04:20And hell is just a sauna.
04:22On the other hand, sometimes being the last-born leads to the exact opposite,
04:26with the youngest child essentially being forgotten.
04:29We see this often in chaotic households on screen,
04:32where amidst the madness, the youngest child is often left to their own devices
04:36to figure out how to fend for themselves.
04:38These parents have already raised multiple children,
04:40and at a certain point have just started to assume that the younger children
04:44will just pick up everything from their older siblings.
04:47Hey, and don't ditch your little brother.
04:48I don't want him getting kidnapped.
04:50Yeah, mom, that would be terrible.
04:52So they don't actually need to parent that much.
04:55In reality, this often leads to the parenting duties falling to the older children,
04:59almost always the eldest daughter, as we discussed in our video on that phenomenon.
05:03This can also lead to more resentment on the part of the older siblings,
05:06who become parentified without anyone asking how they feel about things,
05:10and can lead to the youngest child feeling out of place or like an unwanted third wheel.
05:15What happens if you tell mom and dad about this, Sam?
05:17Don't put Ariel in the garbage disposal.
05:19There are also the cases that are a direct flip of the first type,
05:22where an older sibling is the favorite or main parental focus,
05:26and so the youngest child is neglected.
05:28One extreme version of this can be found in My Sister's Keeper,
05:31where youngest child Anna was conceived specifically to become a living donor
05:34for her older sister with leukemia,
05:36and had to attempt to sue her parents to become medically emancipated
05:40so that she could safely and healthily live her own life.
05:44In addition to all of that,
05:45being the youngest can lead to a number of personal issues that they have to learn to cope with.
05:50The annoying younger sibling is a long-standing trope,
05:53where the younger child is made to feel obnoxious or even like a burden
05:56because they want to be involved in things
05:58or need more help because they're younger.
06:01Because they're constantly around people who are older than them,
06:04it can lead to them wanting to be involved in those same things.
06:07But because they're younger,
06:08this attempt to tag along can feel more like an added burden
06:11to the older sibling than a space for connection.
06:14On Buffy the Vampire Slayer,
06:15Buffy's younger sister Dawn often wanted to do what she could
06:18to help the Scooby gang in their quest,
06:20but was instead made to feel like she was a liability
06:22because she was younger than everyone else.
06:24Until she was able to grow into her own
06:26and carve out her own space in the group as she grew up.
06:29Or on the other end of the spectrum,
06:31younger siblings can feel like they are being held back by their older siblings
06:35because their parents base what the youngest is allowed to do
06:37on what the oldest has done.
06:39People expect me to be there.
06:41Cat's not going, you're not going.
06:43Why can't you be normal?
06:45Define normal.
06:46Youngest children are often seen as naive or even incompetent,
06:50not necessarily because they are,
06:52but just because they're always being compared to their older siblings
06:55with more life experience.
06:57This means that they can have a hard time ever being taken seriously.
07:00Always having others to look to when questions or conflicts arise
07:03can also mean that they can have a difficult time
07:05making those kinds of decisions on their own as they grow older.
07:08Youngest children can also have difficulty taking responsibility for things
07:12because they're so used to other people taking the blame
07:15or getting hit with the consequences.
07:16And if they've gotten used to someone else
07:18always being around to clean up their messes,
07:20they can have a hard time figuring out how to pick up the pieces on their own.
07:24Constantly feeling like they're being compared to their older siblings
07:27and coming up short can also lead to a lot of stress.
07:31People had hopes for you and they gave up on me.
07:34And because they haven't always been given the tools
07:35to deal with those kinds of big negative feelings,
07:38they can instead develop a habit of running away from their problems.
07:41Yeah, fine then.
07:43I couldn't take it.
07:44I couldn't handle it.
07:46So I ran.
07:46On Abbott Elementary, we found out that Janine has a rather strained relationship
07:51with her younger sister Aisha.
07:52They grew up in a pretty chaotic household
07:55and ended up dealing with it in different ways.
07:57Janine was seen as the smart one with a good future ahead of her
08:00and so followed that path.
08:02But Aisha felt less than in comparison
08:04and like she didn't have a clear path in life.
08:07So she instead tried to escape,
08:10which did get her away from the stress of their mother,
08:12but also meant that she lost her relationship with Janine.
08:16I get why you left mom.
08:20I do.
08:22It just kind of felt like you left me too.
08:24Thankfully, once they were finally able to have an open
08:27and honest conversation about their problems,
08:29the pair were able to begin repairing their relationship.
08:32I came through.
08:33I didn't even realize you knew where I worked.
08:35I mean, yeah, it's like the biggest part of your life.
08:37I do listen, you know.
08:38For youngest children, a lot of their life growing up
08:41can feel out of their control.
08:43They can feel crushed by their parents' expectations or behavior,
08:47trapped in sibling chaos,
08:48and unable to have any real control over anything
08:51because they're just the baby.
08:53This can sometimes lead to the youngest feeling the need
08:55to be the peacemaker of their family,
08:57trying to do whatever they can to calm all of that chaos.
09:00And as we see with Christina and his three daughters,
09:03that drive can continue well into adulthood.
09:05And while it can, of course, be positive,
09:07having someone there to cool everyone down
09:09and remind them that their family is important.
09:11Christina, can you explain what this is all about?
09:13I'm not sure.
09:14Okay, dude, don't play.
09:14Yeah, f*** you.
09:15Hey, hey, hey, everyone stop.
09:17It does have a major emotional toll
09:19that often isn't fully appreciated.
09:22We also sometimes see the youngest going
09:24for a more direct and total form of control in adulthood.
09:27The Bears' carmy is a great example of this.
09:29His family life was immensely chaotic,
09:31and so initially his goal in adulthood was just to get out.
09:34He was seen as the one with a bright future ahead of him.
09:37But also as the one who left the family behind.
09:40While everyone else stayed close,
09:42he went off to culinary school
09:43and worked in kitchens far away
09:44and didn't visit home very often because...
09:47This is why I didn't want to come home.
09:49This is why.
09:49Oh, f*** you.
09:51Oh.
09:51What?
09:52What the f*** would you say that?
09:53Oh, f*** what's that time?
09:55Whatever, okay?
09:56After his brother passed,
09:57carmy felt compelled to not only keep the restaurant alive,
10:00but to, in his mind, improve it.
10:02I want to fix this place.
10:04I was asking you to.
10:06On top of the already existing pressure
10:08of taking up his brother's mantle and debt,
10:10he also added his own extra level of stress
10:12by aiming to elevate the simple sandwich shop into fine cuisine.
10:16In this, we can see how the fixer-younger sibling
10:19can allow their nature to drive their lives to the extreme,
10:23attempting to not only make things better or good,
10:25but perfect.
10:26I think it's very clear that me trying to fix the restaurant
10:29was me trying to fix whatever was happening with my brother.
10:33Over the seasons,
10:34we've seen how this has helped carmy build something great,
10:37but also how it's come at a great emotional cost.
10:40Friends Monica is also known for her need to be in control.
10:44I'm the hostess.
10:46Not those guys.
10:48I'm always the hostess.
10:49Growing up,
10:50she was always treated as second best
10:52compared to her older brother Ross,
10:54and mocked for everything about her life choices,
10:56including her weight.
10:58This turned into her seeking control over herself,
11:00her image,
11:01and everything in her orbit to a major degree in adulthood.
11:04You're not dressed yet?
11:05We're supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes!
11:09Well, and clearly not a minute sooner.
11:11She feels like if she can just control everything,
11:14make everything go just exactly how she thinks it should,
11:16then she can erase all of the stress and anxiety
11:19for not only herself,
11:20but her friends too.
11:21You're the first guest at Hotel Monica.
11:23Yeah.
11:24Um, you just have to tell me
11:25how you like your eggs in the morning.
11:26Oh, I thought I would bring them to you,
11:27you know, in bed.
11:29Her perfectionism is a function
11:30of how she felt she needed to behave to be lovable,
11:33given how she was treated as the youngest sibling
11:35and only girl.
11:36You know, everyone wants a different kind of potato,
11:38so I'm making different kinds of potatoes.
11:41You know, does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want?
11:44No!
11:45While being the youngest sibling
11:46can lead to a lot of stress,
11:48it can also lead to a lot of positive outcomes too.
11:52Having had the opportunity to watch their older siblings grow up,
11:55try and fail,
11:56and work their way through life
11:57can give the youngest sibling a leg up in their own life.
12:00They don't have to feel like they're totally in uncharted waters
12:03or having to figure things out all by themselves.
12:05Amy March of Little Women, for example,
12:07is rather pragmatic as an adult,
12:09after fitting the bratty baby sibling trope to a T in childhood.
12:12And this is thanks to her smarts,
12:14but also because she got to watch
12:16her older sister's lives play out
12:18and then begin making her own decisions
12:20about her own life based on what she'd learned.
12:22Younger siblings also get the chance
12:24to find ways to use the traits and skills
12:26they picked up from their older siblings
12:27to build a happy life for themselves in adulthood
12:30and also sometimes even be the one
12:32to help out their older siblings.
12:33That's for making my day bleed!
12:35That's for my sister!
12:38And that's for me!
12:39And having had to learn how to deal
12:41with different personalities growing up
12:43often means that they're good with people,
12:45like every other sibling regardless of birth order
12:48and even the only children.
12:50Youngest children have their own good
12:51and bad experiences to deal with.
12:53Their resilience and confidence
12:54can help them do this in a positive way,
12:56building a better life for not only themselves,
12:59but everyone else they love too.
13:01That's the take!
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