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Gogglebox Ireland (2016) Season 11 Episode 8
#GoggleboxIreland
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FunTranscript
00:00This programme contains discussion of adult themes that some viewers may find distressing. Viewer discretion is advised.
00:07When is Halloween? Cos the schools were closed yesterday and them kids were out tricking and treating and it's not Halloween.
00:14Halloween's on Friday. Eh. Hmm.
00:18Them kids was out last night, the other night, tricking and treating.
00:22Anyway, I turn the lights off, I'm not at home, fuck em. I buy the sweets, eat them myself, I'm not at home.
00:27What is that? God dammit!
00:33See what I mean? Always go for it.
00:35Oh.
00:36What did you do that for?
00:38Why did you touch it, you fool?
00:39Does that look alright?
00:41It's like that in my day.
00:43I'd have a ball doing that.
00:48Are you scared or something? I just can't get over this, like.
00:51I love mad shit like this.
00:58In the week when Carrick on Shannon was named Ireland's tidiest town, we watched loads of great telly.
01:06The Late Late Show took us into the West on Friday.
01:09Who the fuck are they?
01:10Oh God, that's Westlife, I think.
01:12It feels like we're back in 1999 again. It's just crazy the reaction that the gigs we've got.
01:17I feel old.
01:20You are old.
01:21We got a crash course on how to save a life from BBC One.
01:24So you've been out for your 80th birthday?
01:26Yeah, three glasses of wine, all afternoon.
01:29I wonder did you have just three glasses of wine, my friend?
01:32Take some deep breaths from it. I know, darling, I know.
01:35Oh, I thought that was someone putting their hand over it. It's her own hand.
01:38And Virgin on Demand took us to a trad session hosted by some vampires.
01:43It's an Irish song.
01:44I know, it is an Irish song, Dad. It's a good song.
01:50You, bite me if you want to, Joop.
01:53Do you think it's weird to unplug your microwave and your kettle when you're not using it?
02:06Connor and his sister, Emma.
02:08No.
02:09You'd do that?
02:11Unplug it?
02:12Yeah.
02:13No.
02:14So you think it's weird?
02:15Why do you?
02:16Yeah, why would you unplug your kettle and your microwave? Just keep them plugged in.
02:19That's what I'm saying.
02:20I had this debate during the week and the fella was like,
02:23of course I unplug my microwave. Why wouldn't I unplug my microwave?
02:26I'm like, why would you unplug your microwave?
02:28I just think that's so old fashioned.
02:30Well, it maybe is. Maybe it has an old gaff.
02:32But like, do you unplug your fridge when you're not using it? Do you know what I mean?
02:35We're in the same line of argument here.
02:37But you always need the fridge on, though.
02:39Of course you always leave the fridge on.
02:41That's what I'm saying, though.
02:43What?
02:45This week, we settled in to celebrate three decades of E4's flagship soap.
02:53Oh, I'm traumatized.
02:54Every fucking night at 6 o'clock being forced to watch this with Emma.
02:58It's like the shit one in UK.
02:59Oh, is it?
03:00Yeah.
03:01We're gathered here today to celebrate the love and commitment of Tony and Diane.
03:05She'd been waiting on this fucking long time because when I was in secondary school,
03:08I'm pretty sure he was going out with her.
03:10Okay, nothing spells disaster like a soap wedding.
03:13With the wedding ongoing, the show took us to an airfield to see serial killer Jez get up to no good.
03:19It's Jeremy Blake, the bad guy of Hollyoaks.
03:22He's coming around the corner now with his little handkerchief.
03:24Hi.
03:26He looks like he just came from Peter Marks.
03:28Could you help me?
03:29Hello?
03:30Oh?
03:31Take ahoy, Viz.
03:33You be grand.
03:34You get in anywhere.
03:35We also got acquainted with Claire, who was waiting to be reunited with a loved one in the hope of fleeing the village.
03:45Tori?
03:46Try again.
03:47Why is there a hangar in Hollyoaks?
03:50What in the name of God is going on?
03:53She's safe.
03:54That's how she's going to stay.
03:56This is green screen CGI.
03:58Look at this, Connor.
03:59She's literally presenting the fucking weather.
04:02Here's my son!
04:04Claire!
04:05He's done?
04:06Oh, shit!
04:07Does she have a knife?
04:08Or is it a gun?
04:09You took my child.
04:10So I am going to take yours!
04:13No!
04:14In with the karate chop.
04:18Oh.
04:19In your face, EastEnders.
04:22You've killed my mother!
04:26Wrong show.
04:27Oh, maybe I love Hollyoaks.
04:31Meanwhile, at the wedding.
04:36You know, you could have had any woman you wanted, yeah?
04:39But you chose my wife, didn't you?
04:41There's about 40 storylines going on at this.
04:43What?
04:44I don't know.
04:45Something lying to me!
04:46You reap what you sow!
04:47You reap what you blink sow!
04:48I know you did!
04:49Because you're Morgan's dad!
04:50Dun, dun, dun!
04:51Is that true?
04:52Is it Tony?
04:53Of course it's not.
04:54I'm so sorry, but it is.
04:55You're telling me!
04:56You're telling me!
04:57There was an affair!
04:58And she went to the wedding!
04:59Anyone else in the village slept with my husband?
05:00Me!
05:01Oh!
05:02I slept with your husband!
05:03Yes!
05:04Me!
05:05Is there someone?
05:06Tony got me pregnant!
05:07Tony's been at it!
05:08There can't be a woman left in Hollyoaks!
05:09Back at the airfield, we saw Claire's getaway plan take flight!
05:12You are not cleared for takeoff!
05:14Oh!
05:15You're telling me!
05:16You're telling me!
05:17There was an affair!
05:18And she went to the wedding!
05:19Anyone else in the village slept with my husband?
05:20Me!
05:21Oh!
05:22I slept with your husband!
05:23Yes!
05:24Me!
05:25Oh!
05:26I slept with your husband!
05:27Yes!
05:28Me!
05:29Is there someone?
05:30Tony got me pregnant!
05:31Tony's been at it!
05:32There can't be a woman left in Hollyoaks!
05:33He's cleared for takeoff!
05:34I can't!
05:37It's like a scene from a James Bond film, innit?
05:41You're alive!
05:43It's gonna be a bumpy ride!
05:46I'm sorry, did she just notice him in the plane now?
05:48Did you really believe you could double-cross me?
05:51I tried to be on James Bond, but they didn't want me!
05:54You're alive!
05:56It's gonna be a bumpy ride!
05:58This is the best TV show I've ever seen in my life!
06:01It's gonna be caught!
06:02Then I will!
06:03Oi!
06:04What is she doing?
06:06She's wrestling the pilot of our plane mid-ear!
06:10What?
06:11Oh shit!
06:12Jesus Christ!
06:13What was that?
06:14Like, years ago, soaps were like, trying to be true to life, you know, like, you know,
06:27people were down and fucking in bits and depressed and all.
06:31As things took another twist, we saw groom Tony attempt to salvage his big day.
06:39What?
06:42Why is there a sniper?
06:44Oh my God!
06:45The plane is gonna crash into the wedding!
06:47Oh, I'd love it!
06:48Oh!
06:49Oh!
06:50Oh!
06:51Oh!
06:52Oh!
06:53Oh!
06:54Oh!
06:55What is going on in this show?
06:57I can't keep up! I can't keep up!
07:02Everyone's getting blasted by shift!
07:03Where's the sniper gone?
07:04What happened to him?
07:05Is he still around?
07:06Oh!
07:07Jesus Christ!
07:11Oh, Jesus!
07:12She's gone!
07:13When is this gonna end?
07:14It's just like one disaster after another!
07:17Steve!
07:19Will you look after me, plants?
07:21I hope...
07:26What?
07:30What's this?
07:31Sorry!
07:38Finn!
07:39Yeah!
07:40That was excellent!
07:41Oh, man!
07:42Yeah, fantastic!
07:43Hey!
07:44That's television!
07:48In the Liberties...
07:50Look at that!
07:52That's soup, is it?
07:53Friends, Tracy and Anita.
07:56I don't know what...
07:57No, I wasn't eating soup.
07:58It could be Anne.
08:00I'm scruff!
08:02Absolute scruff!
08:03I take me bra off at night and there'll be more food lodged.
08:07In me than anything else.
08:08I know.
08:09I can nearly tell you what I had for breakfast, aren't you, didn't I?
08:11I know.
08:12I know.
08:13Desperate.
08:14Well, I'd rather be scruffy than pissy-crissy.
08:16Yeah, well, I'm not pissy-crissy, thank God.
08:18Yeah, no, because you have a new one.
08:19I have a new one.
08:20Ah.
08:22And I usually...
08:23I'd be a bit of a pissy-crissy if I didn't wear the tan of ladies.
08:26Especially when you're laughing.
08:27On Saturday, RTE1 brought us news of a fancy-do taking place in Dublin Castle.
08:33After a resounding election win, Catherine Connolly...
08:36You up, Catherine Connolly!
08:37...vows to be an inclusive president for all.
08:40Everyone knew she was gonna get it.
08:42At last, it's all over.
08:44Now, is she Utter on the Heron now?
08:51Is that her title, or...?
08:52No, it's pronounced Utter-reiter.
08:54Because she's a woman?
08:56Yeah.
08:57Yeah.
08:58Is that right?
08:59Utter-reiter in the Heron.
09:00Yeah.
09:01Make sure you say that to everyone.
09:02You don't.
09:03You're taking the piss out of me now, the pair of you.
09:04What does that mean?
09:05What you're saying?
09:06It's ice cream.
09:07It's ice cream.
09:08Fuck off.
09:09Let's.
09:10Take a look now at the final result from all 43 constituencies.
09:14Catherine Connolly with 914,000...
09:17Oh, wow!
09:18Yeah, but that's a landslide.
09:20Bertie had to go for that, he would've walked it.
09:22Heather Humphries received 424,987...
09:27Get you drunk, get you drunk, drug on my humps, my humps, my humps, my heathery humps.
09:33Jim Gavin, who withdrew from the campaign, was on 7.2%.
09:38Some people still voted for him, even though he wasn't fucking running.
09:41I voted for him.
09:42Why?
09:43I don't know.
09:44Turnout at 45.8% is lower than last year's general election, regardless of what people vote.
09:51Yeah.
09:52They should be going to vote.
09:53Too much blood on our flag.
09:55I hereby declare Catherine Connolly elected to the office of President of Ireland.
10:02Well, there's the 10th president of Ireland.
10:05I will be an inclusive president for all of you, and I regard it as an absolute honour the vote I've been giving.
10:13I love that she looks like an ordinary person.
10:15Do you know what I mean?
10:16I think she's going to make an excellent president.
10:18She's gracious, she's well-spoken.
10:20But I would've voted for Geldof.
10:22Why would you vote for Bertie?
10:25Better than those two that are there.
10:26Why would you?
10:27A record number of spoiled or invalid votes have been recorded.
10:30An indication of dissatisfaction among the electorate.
10:33None of the above.
10:34Oh no.
10:35Spoiled.
10:36The amount of people who go out posting on TikTok, I spoiled my vote, I spoiled my vote scarlet for you.
10:41With voters citing a motley of reasons for this deliberate action.
10:45The choice was there, didn't suit us, we spoiled the vote.
10:48Nothing says use your voice for democracy like ruining your chance to vote.
10:52And also, if you spoiled your vote, it's the same as just not voting, because it'd still just go down to Heather and Catherine.
10:59The whole campaign about spoiling your vote this year in this election was an order to let the government know.
11:06We are voters, we come out to vote, but we don't want to vote for any of the candidates that you have lined up for us this time.
11:15That is Saturday's 9 o'clock news on the night Ireland elected its 10th president, Catherine Connolly.
11:21Well, she's the president now and we have to like it or bloody lumped it.
11:25We don't want to put up with it, but...
11:26And that's it.
11:27She might grow on us.
11:45In Kilkenny...
11:51Did you know you can do the Macarena to any song on the planet?
11:55The Saunders family.
11:57Pick any song you want.
11:59Any song.
12:00Okay, Waterloo.
12:01Sing it.
12:02No, not sing it.
12:03You can sing it.
12:04Come on.
12:05I'm free to do wonderful.
12:08Do the did it did to do waterloo.
12:12And you love me forevermore.
12:15Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.
12:18Hang on, hang on.
12:20I'll give you a song.
12:21I won't sing it.
12:22You sing it.
12:23Kibouchy Blackened Hands.
12:24Come on.
12:25Oh, fuck.
12:26Come on.
12:27C'mon.
12:28Come on.
12:29I was born and a little sweet friend,
12:30My noses used to be,
12:31And a little evil sweet friend walked all over.
12:33On Thursday night, the return of an RTE 2 show locked us in a County Maith pub with these lads.
12:45Oh, I love these two. Yes! No, we're not watching it again, are we? Fuck off.
12:51Hello and welcome to the two Johnnies late night lock-in.
12:54I dreamt about this fellow under the right once.
12:57What? Johnny B.
12:59Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for one of the greatest quizzes of all time. It's...
13:04The Parish Quiz!
13:07Yay! The Parish Quiz does be the crack.
13:10And our first parish up today is Nerney in the County of Kildare and representing them is the one and only Tyke Furlong.
13:17I'm Tyke!
13:19Isn't Tyke Furlong like a name? Is that someone?
13:22From the County of Limerick and representing Khalidi is Aisling Magnar. How are you?
13:27Who are you supporting? The Khalidi's out there? Nornies?
13:32Don't care.
13:33Here we go, here's your question.
13:34Hi Pyke, Gillian here from the shop.
13:36I feel like this is a hostage video.
13:38Can you tell us which local farmer sells us these potatoes?
13:42How the fuck you supposed to know that?
13:45John Byrne. John Byrne.
13:47Country people know everyone.
13:50And the answer is the Byrnes.
13:52John, to be specific.
13:54Yeah.
13:55Okay, over to Khalidi for your question.
13:56What title did I get the night I collected the most money in the Ashworth Tavern in 1997?
14:04Can we get subtitles on him? Because I can't understand a word of what he's saying.
14:08Jim is the mayor of Khalidi.
14:11Yeah.
14:12The Lord Mayor of Khalidi.
14:14Oh!
14:15Good girl.
14:16Hi Tig.
14:17Hi Tig.
14:18My question for you.
14:19What's the name of this burger?
14:20It was discontinued because it was too hard to eat.
14:23That's a heart attack.
14:24The leaning tower of fucking learning.
14:26No better man for it Tig, I'd say.
14:28You call him fat?
14:30Not the fat child.
14:31Oh my god.
14:32That burger was called the Bog Man's Burger.
14:35The Bog Man's Burger.
14:37Let's find out if you're right Tig.
14:39And the answer is the Bog Monster Burger.
14:42Because when I finish it, I'm going to be spending most of the day on the bog.
14:46What did Jesus hell is really this all about?
14:49As tensions really ramped up, we saw the quiz go to a tiebreaker question.
14:55Davey Russell.
14:56Who's he then?
14:57Davey Russell, champion jockey.
14:59Our question is, now he's retired, what weight is he?
15:0312 stow, 90 kilo.
15:0588 kg.
15:0788 kg.
15:0888 is way off anyway, he's not that big.
15:1185 kg.
15:12Now this is the fat shaming show, why are they weighing this man?
15:1588 kg, which means Tig is the winner.
15:18Are you serious?
15:20I told you.
15:21Here is the moment to choose, okay?
15:23In one of them is the trip to Vegas, in the other is the bag of spuds.
15:26We got this one.
15:27No, the other one.
15:28What's it going to be?
15:30A bag of spuds.
15:31You know what, it's a win-win for Tig.
15:33Who doesn't want a bag of spuds in this economy?
15:36Later, we watched, as a Johnny caught up with a rose.
15:39How are you enjoying the show so far?
15:43No, I'm in hell.
15:45Tonight we are looking for Mr. Lock-In and we need a judge.
15:49Oh.
15:50You up for it?
15:51Yep.
15:52Alright, I'll hand you over to Johnny number one, Johnny Smacks.
15:54Number one, what's your name, where are you from?
15:55Simon from Navin.
15:56You're Simon from Navin?
15:57From Navin and he's wearing a Dublin jersey, are you?
15:59What is your talent, Simon from Navin?
16:02I can put my faith in my mouth.
16:04What a fucking weird talent.
16:06No, no, I don't think I want to see that.
16:08No.
16:09No.
16:10Why?
16:11Why?
16:12Why do you know this?
16:15Fuck me, did you have only two?
16:18No!
16:19You still have a knuckle there and a knuckle there.
16:22Now, come over to me and I'll get the lip over.
16:26What is your talent?
16:28What is your talent, Cian?
16:29I can do a little bit of fast maths.
16:31Fast maths?
16:3265 by 89.
16:3465 by 89, Cian.
16:365785.
16:37That's impressive!
16:39He was brilliant.
16:42No, you have to get these bits in.
16:44Come here and I'll help you.
16:46Come here and I'll help you.
16:48Who are you going to crown as Mr. Lock-In with this amazing sash?
16:51The first one.
16:52Mr. Matts.
16:53No, Mr. Matts had an actual talent.
16:55Oh, quick maths!
16:56Yes!
16:57Thanks very much.
16:59He's like, to be...
17:00To be shift?
17:01Yeah, because those are transferable skills.
17:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:04The rest of you are just horsing around.
17:06Have a great night.
17:07We'll see you again.
17:08Find yourselves.
17:09Good luck.
17:10You should do that now.
17:11Are you?
17:12Yeah.
17:13You locked you?
17:14No.
17:15Not so.
17:20In Dundalk...
17:21I've seen something really weird today.
17:23Right, go ahead.
17:24David and his wife, Sarah.
17:27A priest in like a full white dress driving his car.
17:32What do you mean?
17:33He was just driving his car.
17:34Like fully off the cloth?
17:36Yeah.
17:37And he was just way off to do mass?
17:39Well, he was driving...
17:40How do you think he usually gets to places, though?
17:41Where's he going?
17:42He lives in the church.
17:43Does he live in the church, Sarah?
17:45I just find it weird that priests drive, though.
17:47Like, to preschool, he has to go to a mechanic, like...
17:51Yeah, like normal people.
17:52I just can't imagine that.
17:53What do you think they do, float places?
17:55They'll levitate around in their big white gown.
17:57Fucking Aladdin.
17:58It honestly took me aback.
17:59I stood there and I said, that is so weird.
18:01On Monday, Channel 4 gave us a timely look
18:04at how some very small suppliers
18:06are tackling our ever-growing shopping bills.
18:09For decades, the big-name supermarkets
18:11have dominated the high street.
18:13Did you ever have to walk around and eat it
18:15and add up in your head how much things...
18:18And prices are soaring.
18:20It's scary when I'm walking up to the toes.
18:22We spend about, what, double what we had spent
18:24five years ago to get the same amount.
18:27Enter the discount disruptors,
18:29taking us beyond the shelves
18:31to reveal the secrets of super-cheap shopping.
18:35The healthier you eat as well,
18:36the more expensive the shop is.
18:37Absolutely.
18:38Have you ever seen the price of cereal?
18:40Yeah!
18:41What's that about?
18:45Do you remember you bought, like,
18:4670 boxes of jellies and musgraves
18:48and then just never ate them?
18:49It's too many.
18:50The show took us to Wales
18:52to meet an entrepreneur
18:53with a unique approach
18:54to taking on the supermarkets.
18:56Something like what we have in love.
18:57Five rump, sirloin,
18:59the chicken steaks,
19:00that one for £40, is it?
19:01I've got it, my lovely, yes!
19:03I don't know if I'd want to
19:04buy me in our Facebook marketplace.
19:06A lot of this is happening here in Donegal.
19:08Yeah.
19:09The meat packs.
19:10Meet the Meat Meister.
19:12The Meat Meister?
19:13That's my bio.
19:14A.K.A. Dawn Brightwell,
19:16the super force that is Dawn's bargain meat packs.
19:20It's like Avon, except meat.
19:22Meat.
19:23There's either messages coming for meat
19:24orders at two, three o'clock in the morning.
19:26What?
19:27You'd sound to piss off
19:28if someone's texting you
19:29half two in the morning for a chicken fillet,
19:30wouldn't you?
19:31Let's keep all the costs down
19:32and then the consumer at the other end
19:34can benefit from the low price.
19:36Good mind on her all the same.
19:38Where is she getting this meat from, though?
19:40And she's looking...
19:41I don't know about this.
19:42And the orders that come in
19:43are packed by her son Tyler
19:46at the wholesalers in Yorkshire.
19:48I've had to rank the meats.
19:49I've taught about this, by the way.
19:51I've taught about this.
19:52Of course.
19:53Lamb.
19:54Then duck.
19:55Then beef.
19:56Then pork.
19:57Then chicken.
19:58Chicken's a flop for me.
19:59That's the only one I can eat.
20:00Despite the low prices,
20:02Dawn says all of the meat is welfare checked.
20:05How low are we talking?
20:07Because I'm interested now.
20:09The pack that Dawn calls a bulk bundle
20:12contains nine items
20:14and includes
20:15chops, steaks, pork belly, chicken and sausages.
20:19At cost, 45 quid.
20:21What?
20:22Whereabouts are they where you go fly over and fly back?
20:25I just know the old ones going,
20:27fuck Dawn's put up another deal,
20:28I better get it quick.
20:29And the poor husband sitting at home going,
20:31we already have 20 fucking kilos of pork loins.
20:34Before she's even created the pack,
20:36Dawn heads to the hills for a bit of alfresco advertising.
20:40Why have we come to a field to talk about the meat?
20:42Massive ham shanks just being delivered.
20:44Then we are doing you a kilo of your minted lamb nibbler ribs.
20:49You're all going crazy on these.
20:51She's kind of like Del Boy.
20:53Why is she in the middle of a field doing that?
20:56She probably wants to get out of the house.
20:57She's taking calls all day.
20:58You don't know.
20:59Later, we saw a couple of Dawn's customers
21:02take delivery of her Facebook famous meat packages.
21:06Are you expecting meat?
21:07It's like back in the day when you used to have a milkman call.
21:10Did she have a milkman?
21:11No.
21:12We had a milkman, a breadman, a fishman.
21:14And I'm pretty sure there was a cheese fella at one stage.
21:17Is that why all your sisters look different?
21:19Oh, thank you so much.
21:22You're welcome.
21:24How many people is she fucking feeding?
21:25Like a small army in this house.
21:27Look, this kid's going to have about seven pork chops now for the week.
21:34We've got some burgers.
21:36No fat bullet steaks.
21:37And then we've got fry steak.
21:39How could you need this much food?
21:41You wouldn't need that for a restaurant, Sarah.
21:43I've got all this for £100.
21:45Oh, that's £100?
21:47When I first heard she selling meat on Facebook, I was like,
21:50that's fucking strange.
21:51But I've been sold just because she's such a businesswoman
21:54and she knows her stuff.
21:55I feel like I'm going to catch, like, E. Coli or something.
21:57But you know what?
21:58I'm supporting her local business.
21:59It's worth it. I'm supporting her.
22:00Yeah.
22:01The brain is constantly ticking of what I can do with me,
22:05what I can make a pack out of,
22:07and what name I can give that pack.
22:09That is what I live and break for.
22:10She looks wrecked after that day, doesn't she?
22:12I'm going to say she is.
22:13Her hair is all over.
22:14Wool eyebrows dragged down her face.
22:16Yeah, I'm just living on my own,
22:20not in my interest to go out and bulk buy,
22:23do you know what I mean?
22:24Yeah.
22:25But what a brilliant, brilliant mind.
22:28Book delivery sponsors Gucklebox Ireland.
22:40Book delivery sponsors Gucklebox Ireland.
22:43In Limerick.
22:44Did you take Fudge to the vet?
22:49No, I didn't.
22:50Alex did.
22:51Oh, did you?
22:52Yeah.
22:53The Ryans.
22:54Fudge had a little trip to the vet this week.
22:57He had his M.O.T.
22:58He had his M.O.T.
22:59So he had a mani-pedi and a mani-pedi,
23:02is what they call it.
23:04He had his arse all done.
23:06You butchered his arsehole with his scissors.
23:09No, no, no.
23:10I did that too, but no.
23:11He got a thumb right up his eye.
23:13He got his anal gland done.
23:15Oh, what do you mean?
23:16Would you stop saying anal gland?
23:18There's a gland up there and it needs to be cleaned up.
23:20Matt, would you stop saying anal gland?
23:22It's true.
23:23It's disgusting.
23:24And what else did he get done?
23:25Just say something about his butt.
23:26Just say his butt needs to be looked at.
23:27Well, he got his butt done, so.
23:28Right.
23:29He got his butt done.
23:30He got his toenails done.
23:31He got his fingernails done.
23:32And he got wormed.
23:33He got a prostate exam.
23:35On Friday, RTE1's Late Late Show treated us to an evening
23:40with Ireland's best-known boy band.
23:43Oh, late.
23:44Oh.
23:45Very good.
23:46Yeah.
23:47Your buddies?
23:52Come on, Conor.
23:53Get your groove on.
23:54Oh, yeah.
23:56Patrick Keelty.
23:57We love him.
23:58Woo!
23:59I like this.
24:00I cannot get...
24:02Who the fuck are they?
24:04Conor, that's Westlife, I think.
24:07Whoa.
24:08Westlife.
24:09They look the same.
24:11Yes, they look the same.
24:12What are they doing again?
24:14No, this is...
24:15Westlife?
24:16Let's take that, isn't it?
24:18It feels like we're back in 1999 again.
24:20It's just crazy the reaction that the gigs have got.
24:23I feel old.
24:24You are old.
24:25Who's missing from there, by the way?
24:28The men that died.
24:29And, you know, I always remember the first tour on Flying The Wings, we went out on a big
24:34kind of frame, the five of us out over the audience where people could nearly touch us
24:37and pull our shoes off.
24:38I remember that.
24:39I remember queuing for their very first concert and we were only 11 or something at the time
24:42and we got the bus into town, the last bus into town at like half 11 that night.
24:46That's so cute.
24:47And then I got grounded and my dad took the tickets off me.
24:50We were really living the life of a pop star at that point, you know?
24:53I might be getting mixed up with Boyzone.
24:55Is it?
24:56They're not Boyzone, are they?
24:57No, it's not Boyzone.
24:58That's their Westlife.
24:59During the interview, we saw Patrick head into the audience to meet some of the trio's
25:05superfans.
25:06So what have you got?
25:07What have you got?
25:08This is the merch.
25:09We've got some of the original merch, lads.
25:11Awww.
25:12She got dolls and all.
25:13Okay.
25:14Oh, wow.
25:15It's a bit biased, but you sing.
25:16Oh, lord.
25:17There's a doll.
25:18Sweet mother.
25:19Can you hear it?
25:20I swear to you my love would remain and I swear to love her again.
25:27Yeah.
25:28Oh, he has a voice like butter.
25:29He has a good voice in films.
25:30Yeah.
25:31Slide over there, look.
25:32And she's got...
25:33Look.
25:34They're so baffling as a band, though, because the people that are going to see these are
25:40like 56-year-old women and then 20-something-year-old women.
25:43Why is their demographic those two groups of people?
25:46Generational trauma.
25:47Yeah.
25:48Look, we've got Westlife.
25:49Chocolate bars.
25:50Oh, yeah.
25:51Where are these from?
25:52How old is the chocolate bar?
25:53What's the best before on these?
25:552002.
25:562002.
25:57Jesus, that must be pure rotten.
25:59Fucking hell, Louis Welsh busted his bollocks for these fellas, innit?
26:02Yes.
26:03And, of course, the main thing that you're the proud owner of are these bad boys.
26:08So...
26:09No, not the knickers.
26:10Oh, no.
26:11What?
26:12Oh, God.
26:13Who owns these?
26:14These are Cian's.
26:15She's a Cian fan.
26:16So, hold on, you're the Cian doll and you have my underwear.
26:19And just the new ones.
26:21And just the new ones.
26:22Oh!
26:24Oh!
26:26Who are the other ones gonna have a fucking fist fight in the car park now?
26:29And Joe Paddy all of them, you came on.
26:32Kiti, cop yourself on.
26:34The value of them have just plummeted.
26:36Yes!
26:37I've after saving them for 25 years and he gets his fucking cock and ball all over them get them off
26:43Okay, they're primed they're ready to go one more time the mighty west line. Oh, there we go
27:00His trousers are more baggy than the other two. They're not a man's pair trousers
27:06He could have a testicle problem
27:12Remember the words
27:19Jesus come back to me my youth is my teens
27:30Something new what I'm a do without you
27:33Ow, I nearly knocked me on two, ow
27:36Ow, your head is so big
27:41In Dun Laoghaire
27:43I know my ex-girlfriend
27:45It was that was like we had gone for one second
27:49One second
27:50Friends, David and John
27:53I told you about her before now
27:54Oh, we haven't spoken much about your ex-girlfriend Dave
27:57Well, that's because I blocked that out of my head
27:59But I remember going to the cinema and I was really nervous because I went to the shift
28:02And I drank a lot of vodka beforehand
28:05Went in, scored her
28:07Went to the toilet
28:08Blacked out in the toilet
28:09Came back and then sat next to someone else in a different cinema
28:12And she went to the bathroom
28:15It was about half an hour back
28:17And then I turned her in
28:18And then you decided to be gay because you realised women won't put up with that behaviour
28:22Yeah
28:22Gays will think it's hilarious
28:23Yeah
28:24Last Tuesday, BBC One gave us an eye-opening look at life on the front lines
28:30The ambulance service must decide who gets help
28:33Can I get you covered up?
28:34Blah, blah, blah
28:35And who must wait?
28:37I say that's so stressful being in the dispatch room and having six or seven different calls
28:42And having to try and prioritise them
28:47But every time I see an ambulance I kind of say a little prayer
28:50Yeah, for whatever the situation is
28:53The show took us on a revealing ride-along with paramedics Bailey and Phoebe
28:59Hiya
29:00Hiya
29:01Who've we come for?
29:02I've been out today, I'll be quite honest
29:04It's 80th birthday
29:06So you've been out for your 80th birthday?
29:08Yeah, I've had three glasses of wine all afternoon
29:11I wonder did you have just three glasses of wine my friend
29:15And I got to there and I got tremendous pain in my leg
29:18Oh, she had a fall
29:20And I went down
29:20Fine
29:21I don't move it, it's so fed up
29:23Please don't move it
29:24I won't move it
29:25I won't move it
29:26Oh, the poor lady
29:28She's in pain
29:29Do you remember in the hospital when I broke my foot?
29:31Yes
29:32And they gave me a paracetamol for five hours
29:34Two paracetamol
29:35Yeah
29:35Yes, I do remember because I was the one that was listening to you roaring in my ear
29:39And just take some deep breaths from it
29:42I know darling, I know
29:44Oh, I thought that was someone putting their fucking hand over it
29:46It's her own hand
29:47Ah, dear
29:48You've got your bit of freedom, you've got your respite that you want to see
29:51Yeah, a bit of respite
29:52That'd be me ma'am
29:56Make sure you do that now and make sure that's done
29:59And if I tried this when I come out
30:00And then we'd have to go
30:01All right, all right
30:03Anne will be taken three miles to Bradford Royal Infirmary for x-rays on her hip
30:08You know, you know, you know, so old man
30:11You know, yeah
30:11Ah
30:12Yeah, ambulances are always so warm
30:15Like even when I were in the ambulance with you
30:17I was like, my God, it's roasting in here
30:20It's so sicky
30:21Yeah, you were shivering
30:23Yeah
30:23Later, the show gave us a sobering look at modern society
30:28As yet another call came in
30:30You're saying he's suicidal
30:32He's going to send me a picture of himself self-harming
30:36That's a call for help, isn't it?
30:39The people at the call centres are unbelievable as well
30:41Some people always think that they're being rude
30:43But it's all because they're trying to get as much information
30:46And get things sorted for you as quick as possible
30:48I think it's a sheltered living, isn't it?
30:51Yeah, it's like it's important
30:52It's sheltered sort of housing
30:54That wouldn't be an easy thing to walk into now, I'll tell you
30:57No
30:58I haven't seen you for ages
31:00I've had an air cut
31:01I have had an air cut, mate
31:03It's an old man
31:04I'm going to show you something
31:06I want to be spiced for you in the evening
31:08Oh, what? What have you done?
31:16That's just a new one
31:17Oh!
31:18Oh!
31:20I don't really open that
31:21They're taking all my knives off
31:23Oh, God, I love them
31:25You never really think of that kind of a thing with elderly people, like, do you?
31:30This is shutting down
31:32Are they shutting this place down?
31:33I don't know where I'm going
31:35That's what he's worried about
31:36So he's doing that and
31:38Yeah, poor man
31:39To kind of forget about the poor boy
31:40Oh!
31:41I'll put on to show people
31:44I'm all right
31:45But they're down
31:47I'm sad
31:48Right now, Darren, do you want to end your life?
31:52Yeah, I do
31:52Okay
31:57He's fucking brilliant, by the way
32:00Yeah, he's really nice
32:01He's very, like, calm and patient as well
32:04This ain't you
32:05This ain't the Darren I know
32:08You're gonna
32:09I know
32:10And you're struggling
32:10I can see that
32:12Bailey's tone is really good, isn't it?
32:14I'm worried
32:15And it's not nice to see
32:16I'm worried
32:17I know you are
32:18And I want you to let us take you up to hospital
32:24Are you going to come with us?
32:25Can I get you some real great?
32:27Whatever you want
32:29Okay, don't forget them into the ambulance, boy
32:31It's not nice, I'll be honest
32:33It's not nice seeing you like this
32:35There you go, man
32:38People like that just need connection
32:40They need community
32:41Darren will be taken the two miles to Bradford Royal Infirmary
32:45Where specialists will carry out a mental health assessment
32:48It's talked about so much
32:50I think the response and the system out there
32:54Like they handle it is worse than ever
32:56Yeah, well in Ireland it's terrible
32:58It's horrific
33:00I haven't been going to Darren for years
33:02I've never heard him say that he needs more support
33:06So for me it was such a big change in him
33:08I was shocked by it
33:09Yeah, that's true
33:11It was sad
33:13I'm getting sad now actually
33:14It took it out of him, didn't it?
33:16He was getting upset, the poor man
33:19And you'll see him again after
33:22You'll sort him out
33:25Maybe I shouldn't go into social care, honestly
33:27I don't know how the fuck I ain't going to work
33:32It's weird ever since my stuff and we're past it
33:35and you were amazing and you really helped me out
33:38But I remember going in and I told you it'll be taken more serious the second time
33:44Well, that's a risky move, isn't it?
33:47Yeah
33:47But that still angers me and I know of people who've gone down the same route
33:53and they haven't been as lucky as I am
33:56Like they're gone, like, you know
33:58Don't be crying
33:59Sorry
33:59You're making me cry, stop
34:03Yeah
34:03It's just really scary when you ask for help and you don't get it
34:06Yeah
34:09You alright?
34:09Yeah
34:11Love you
34:20Book delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland
34:25Book delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland
34:35In Mulhuderd
34:36Would you ever let anyone suck your tongue?
34:39Sophie, her sister Chloe and their best friend, Caleb
34:43I asked Issy, would he suck my toe?
34:44Not in like a weird way
34:46We were just sitting in bed and I was like, suck my toe
34:48How is there a normal way to like, suck a toe?
34:50Like, not in a sexual way
34:51I was like, suck my toe
34:53And he was like, no
34:55And I was really annoyed
34:56So he said, no
34:57He was like, feet are disgusted and all
34:58But I'm so
35:00I feel like I want someone to do it now
35:02In saying that, I've done that
35:04Like, Nathan's just been sitting there on his computer
35:05And I'd be like, give me that
35:07And he's like, no
35:07And I was like, please
35:08And he was like, no
35:09And then I'd just be like, no
35:11And Nick, does what, you beg to suck his toe?
35:13No, I'd just like be messing
35:14I'd be like, give me that foot
35:15Yeah, do you know what I mean?
35:16Yeah
35:16Just suck the fucking toe
35:19What's the big deal?
35:20Would you do it?
35:21She's not answering, that means yes
35:24That means yes
35:25On Saturday, TLC got us reacquainted
35:31With the specialist subject of one American doctor
35:37Bim-f-fuck are your dolls, baby
35:39What do you mean?
35:40You love doing it
35:42I love doing it
35:43I don't like when I have to watch huge extractions
35:45Of things that shouldn't have been built up in someone's body
35:48My name's Shad
35:49I'm 50 years old
35:50And I got a big nasty cyst on the back of my head
35:53That's popped open
35:56It's like a ball
35:58Like a boy ball
36:00What's wrong with the boy balls you've seen?
36:02I haven't seen any
36:05Liar
36:05Do you want to get something done with that?
36:07Ten years ago I noticed a little dime-sized bump on the back of my head
36:11Oh my god
36:13I went to the doctor
36:15He said that's a pocket of fluid
36:17It looks like it needs its own hat
36:19When my kids started noticing it
36:21Then they started getting worried
36:23Now I know we might be old school
36:25But like when you have a gaping wound that smells like death
36:28And looks like scrambled eggs
36:29Something's not right
36:30The show gave us an eye-popping look at Dr. Li's first meeting with Shad
36:35How are you?
36:36Does it ooze?
36:38Yeah
36:39Okay so let me take a look at it
36:41Looks a lot like a pilar cyst
36:43Because there's a little bit of like
36:44I feel like stretching a tissue
36:46Like it was much bigger before it has kind of settled down
36:49Looks like a pram
36:50I'm not in prams anymore
36:52My plan here is to really try to clean
36:54Numb this up obviously
36:55And clean out all the contents inside
36:57And try to get that sack out
36:59Fuck me
37:00You can see into his brain
37:01It kind of looks like a little pac-man
37:03No
37:04There really is a lot of dried up contents
37:07That are kind of like hard as a rock there
37:09And so how can I pull these off easily?
37:11You can pop my pimple
37:17She looks too happy for it
37:19Hello
37:20Hello
37:21You made it in
37:22You're excited about this
37:23I feel like you are
37:23Oh yeah
37:24Like is American healthcare so bad
37:26That the only way to get your pimple popped
37:28Is to go on television
37:29Short answer yes
37:30Okay just a little baby pinch
37:31Just a baby pinch
37:33I'm not watching this part now
37:34This is the most disgusting part
37:35Just a part I love
37:37Okay so let's see here
37:39You have a lot of stuff inside there
37:41I actually can feel that pain
37:47Your face tells me no
37:48I don't need to watch it
37:50She's cutting it off
37:51Do you know I would like that as a job
37:54Really?
37:54Yeah
37:57Ah lads
37:58No maybe I wouldn't
37:59I don't know
37:59I have to really scrape a lot of these contents out
38:02And even the surface of the skin is really damaged
38:06Oh I can smell the trunatelli
38:09Oh christ
38:10Oh my god
38:11Oh my god
38:11I looked at the wrong time
38:13I'm scraping off some of the cyst pieces
38:15And it's kind of
38:19This is a tough one actually
38:20Christ
38:22Like that doesn't even look like a pimple
38:24That is not a pimple
38:25That's a hole in someone's head that's infected
38:28It's not a pimple
38:29Okay I think I got out as much of this cyst as I could
38:34How far is she going to excavate down?
38:36Probably just fucking teeth
38:38Later the show took us back to Shad's place
38:40To give us a heads up on his recovery
38:43Fist is all gone
38:44Oh look
38:45What?
38:46Oh my god
38:47Oh look it looks way better
38:49Jesus Christ
38:52That was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen
38:55And I've watched disgusting things
38:57I am
38:57Have you?
38:58Yeah
38:58Like what?
38:59Like crazy anatomy
39:00Like they show you a lot of like surgeries and stuff
39:02That is all not true
39:03It's not real is this
39:04That's the difference
39:05The only thing that would have made that worse
39:07If they were extracting a bit of hair from the wound
39:09That freaks me out the most
39:10Do you know like ingrown hair?
39:12Do you ever watch those videos on TikTok?
39:14Why?
39:14Where I keep pulling?
39:15No
39:15I watch best of Britney Spears dances
39:21In Cork
39:23So right
39:24I like
39:25We're living in a world of zombies
39:27Right zombies
39:27Walking dead life
39:29And I get bitten
39:30Are you going to kill me?
39:31Iffa
39:32And her daddy
39:33Pawdy
39:34Absolutely
39:34100%
39:36I'm doing you a favour
39:36I'm doing you a favour
39:37Do you think I should let you wander forever in this endless hell?
39:41Ah no
39:41But you can lock me up somewhere
39:43I'd be doing a lot of
39:44I'd be doing a lot of pure love
39:45Oh daddy
39:46That's not love
39:47It is
39:47Finding a cure would be love like?
39:49Well
39:50There's no cure there
39:51Taking my head off wouldn't be
39:52The cure is
39:53Good luck and thanks
39:57This week
39:59Virgin on Demand
40:00Treated us to a night with some music loving vampires
40:03In the year's hottest horror film
40:06There are legends of people
40:08Born with the gift of making music so true
40:12It can pierce the veil between life and death
40:16It's kind of about selling your soul to the devil for musical talent
40:19Oh is it?
40:20Yeah
40:21This gift can bring healing to their communities
40:26But it also attracts evil
40:30The devil's music
40:32Riding music
40:36Sinners like us John
40:38Isn't this the thing where that music went viral during the summer?
40:41The film took us on a riotous night out at a mississippi speakeasy in prohibition era America
40:54Has a bit of a groove to it
40:55I throw my knickers on
40:58This is what music's missing now
41:00Feeling
41:01And vampires
41:01And vampires
41:05With good lyrics
41:06Yeah but he's obviously probably singing about the slave trade and the civil war
41:10I know yeah but there's loads of stressful stuff we could sing about
41:13Not comparative Dave
41:17Oh listen to that
41:19It's cool
41:24The best thing before this they've summoned the demon by playing the bad music
41:31They're the vampires Helen
41:36Do you know what they're looking for?
41:38Dinner on a show
41:39Hi there
41:40Good evening
41:41How may I help you folks?
41:42Oh we heard tale of a party
41:44So easy to stop a vampire though
41:46You just have to say you're not welcome
41:49Like every doorman ever when I tried to get into a nightclub when I was young
41:52You and Amanda's coming in now would you
41:55You're vampires and we know
41:57Bloodtirsty vampires
42:00You fellas must be the owners of this establishment
42:02They're twins
42:03They're both played by Michael B Jordan
42:05Love him
42:06He's gorgeous
42:07That's right
42:08And you are
42:09Name's Remick
42:10This here's Joan and Bert
42:12An Irish fucking vampire
42:14I love it
42:14Yeah
42:15Can't we just
42:16For one night
42:18Just all be family
42:19He's pushing so hard
42:20I'd be like why'd you want to get in here so much
42:22Yeah
42:24You don't need to do that sir
42:26We'll be on our way
42:27Do they know vampires are real?
42:29No
42:29They don't know anything's up yet
42:31We got a little glimpse of local girl Mary's unfortunate encounter with the vampires
42:36Oh now you must have me confused
42:40I'm sad as all but I don't need no saving
42:43Yes
42:44Yes you do
42:47You all do
42:48This is Mary
42:49No
42:49Mary
42:50She's a vampire
42:57Ah Jesus
42:58Do you have to be bit on the neck to be turned into a vampire?
43:01I was just about to ask
43:01Yeah
43:02Or if you were running away and he caught you on the arse
43:04That still counts
43:07So she's a vampire now
43:09Oh no
43:10You're gonna let me in
43:11Don't let her in
43:12Come on
43:14Oh man
43:14No
43:19Go out there and tell them to do something
43:21Would you let her bite you?
43:22Huh?
43:23Would you let her bite you?
43:24Would you?
43:25Lass
43:29Oh no
43:30She's gonna bite your willy now watch
43:35She's eating him
43:39Stop
43:41Wait
43:44I'll be back so slim
43:45I wouldn't fancy being a vampire
43:47You literally can't go to the beach
43:48You can't eat garlic bread
43:49The two main bits of life
43:49Later as we saw main characters smoke deal with the body of the undead
44:06We were treated to a surprisingly familiar song
44:09They're playing music
44:10I cut a stout black thorn
44:15Is this an Irish song?
44:16I know it is an Irish song dad
44:17It's a good song
44:22If you were inside now you'd be like
44:24Ah the vampire's having great crime now
44:26Will we go out for a look?
44:31Here I'd like it out there and dance with you
44:34Bite me if you want to you
44:40You
44:42Well apart from the biting and the blood sucking
44:44They seem like
44:45They'll crack
44:45Yeah the vampires but they'll crack
44:47They do yeah
44:47Lovely bunch
44:50Come on in you mother fucker
44:52Oh fuck she's after inviting them all in
44:55No
44:59Jesus
45:00Fuck
45:02Put the tea down
45:03Yes finally
45:13How much blood do you need though like like when's enough
45:16That's the thing it's like Chinese when's enough enough you keep eating it you know you don't
45:19It's not like Chinese Sarah
45:21It is though
45:21It's not
45:25Look Jesus he's flying in Everton
45:27You will taste the sweet pain of death
45:34We will make beautiful music together
45:39See these monologues is always what gets the villains killed
45:47Yes
45:50Good riddance to you bye
45:51Oh
45:53Oh
45:54Oh and the sun is
45:55Yes
45:56Come on son come on
46:01So really and truly we could have all just waited for the sun
46:04I don't we all just exhausted ourselves
46:06It's just a lesson in patience
46:08Honestly
46:11I tell you if we went with the fucking sun to come up in Mullingar
46:14We'd be fucking waiting forever
46:16This would be a vampires fucking paradise
46:18If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this program please visit our support
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