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Gogglebox Ireland S11 E03
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FunTranscript
00:00So, here is Dating 101 now, it's a conversation I had in grandeur yesterday.
00:05How are you handsome? Why thank you. How are you? I reply.
00:10I'm in A&E with my nan since 10am, other than that I'm okay lol.
00:15Then I got another message saying hey. I wrote back saying I hope all is okay.
00:21Yes she's been kept in for a few days but she's doing okay.
00:25Now I went on to this app to meet a man, there's a strong chance I'm going to his grandmother's funeral.
00:30Oh shut up, my show's on.
00:33Oh! Uh oh!
00:37Oh my god! Oh he's doing it in the tip!
00:40Oh my god! No, no, no! Jesus Christ, he don't give you Andy Warhol.
00:45Oh why is he doing this? A wooga.
00:50He's whipping this loot out now.
00:52I take it all back. A girl is a genius.
01:00In the week when nearly a quarter of a million people descended on Offaly to plough some fields, we watched loads of great telly.
01:09Channel 4 had us reminiscing about our school days on Sunday.
01:13Oh, I could tell you stories about school, boy.
01:19I remember getting suspended from school years ago and I had a ball.
01:23Sky Atlantic immersed us into the gritty underworld of some bin men.
01:28I'm real into this. Yeah, it's good.
01:33Oh no!
01:35Is he alright?
01:36No.
01:37And E4 was back with some more dramatic blind dates on Sunday.
01:42When I was younger, I never really got the attention of any girls because I wasn't that sexy guy.
01:47Tell me about it.
01:48I was exactly the same.
01:49God, I was four foot nothing.
01:52People just put coats on me.
01:58In Mullhuddart...
01:59Do you know me big pink fish? Me pretty fish?
02:02Meet Sophie, her sister Chloe and their best friend, Caleb.
02:06I wasn't in the tank and sometimes like she hides behind the bushes or something so I was like alright I'll just give her a minute.
02:11And I went to Vietnam and I was like, where the fuck is this fish?
02:15But I read that...
02:17They jump.
02:20Fish is gone.
02:21And I've searched the whole room and I went down to my nanny and I was like, nanny, ha ha!
02:25Have you seen the fish?
02:26I was like, where's the fish?
02:28How do you lose a fish?
02:29How do you lose a fish?
02:30And she was like, no.
02:31And I thought she just didn't want to tell me in case I'd be upset.
02:33Do you know that it died?
02:34Like I was like, alright.
02:35Do you know what I mean?
02:36I was like, nanny, did my fish die and you took it out?
02:38And she was like, no.
02:39Do you know what I mean?
02:40She was like, I seen it earlier on.
02:42So I think there's a dead fish somewhere in my room.
02:44But I looked.
02:45Did you not look?
02:46Yeah, I looked.
02:47Did you look behind where the tank is?
02:48I can't pull that out.
02:49What?
02:50How can't you pull it out?
02:51Because there's a load of water on top of it.
02:53It's very heavy.
02:55This week, we checked in with the residents of the country's most famous fictitious suburb on RTE1.
03:02Hey!
03:05No.
03:06I guarantee you every house you can see in those opening credits is worth about $750,000.
03:12Oh, oh, oh, oh.
03:14Love it, love it.
03:15Oh, shit.
03:16Is this what I think this is?
03:17Oh, my favourite.
03:18Oh.
03:19We caught up with pregnant Hayley, who was visited by her angry ex and baby daddy, James.
03:26Hey!
03:29Ah, the ex.
03:30Uh-oh.
03:31She's not even supposed to be there, Jax.
03:32You're breaking the protection order.
03:33Screw the protection order!
03:35Screw you!
03:36What is it to do?
03:37Stay a certain amount away from her?
03:38Yeah, normally you're not allowed to contact them and you have to stay a certain distance.
03:42He's not doing a great job in her living room.
03:43No, I think he's violating both.
03:45You keep talking.
03:47I will give this straight to the guards.
03:49Oh, yeah.
03:50Well, here's something for the guards.
03:52She's a lying, conniving bitch.
03:54Everything that she's said about me is a trumped-up charge.
03:57No surprise given she comes from a family full of lone sharks and addicts.
04:00You shut your mouth!
04:01Oh, there's her true colours.
04:03Less Mother Earth, more fish wife.
04:05What's wrong with her?
04:06Is she having a wife?
04:07A wien?
04:08Yeah.
04:09Babby.
04:10Not a wien.
04:11Baby.
04:12A wien?
04:13Oh, she's gone into labour.
04:14Who could have predicted it?
04:15Fish wife?
04:17What the fuck am I watching?
04:19My waters.
04:21They just broke.
04:22Uh-oh.
04:23Uh-oh.
04:24Her was spoken.
04:25What do I do?
04:26Tell me.
04:27Just go.
04:28You're in labour.
04:29Oh, now you're all being nice to her.
04:30Oh, yeah.
04:31And they calling her a bitch and everything two seconds ago.
04:33I'll bring the car out.
04:35Why, all of a sudden, is she trusting him?
04:38She's in labour, Laura.
04:40She's not thinking straight.
04:41Yeah.
04:45Will you come on?
04:46What is wrong with him?
04:47Do you think she could be lying to get him to go away?
04:49I actually couldn't give a fuck.
04:51Meanwhile, across town, we got to witness wedding bells for locals, Doug and Erica.
04:57Are they getting married in someone's sitting room?
04:59The day before, she was running off with another fella.
05:02Every day with you makes me feel so warm and safe.
05:06It's a place I never want to live.
05:10Uh-oh.
05:11There he is.
05:12That's who she was supposed to run away with.
05:15What's going on?
05:17The dirty slapper.
05:20It was a one-off, I swear.
05:23Ah, lovely.
05:24If you'd have told me it was one-off, I'd have said it's all off.
05:27Yeah, bye-bye.
05:28Why would she even say that?
05:29I'd be milling stuff across at him.
05:31Doug.
05:34Wait.
05:36Ah, that's the hell.
05:38Doug, come back.
05:40Doug!
05:42Was that the back of a shop?
05:45Pee!
05:47Let me out your mind, pig!
05:52Oh, Jesus.
05:53Doug!
05:55Oh!
05:56Fast, it's the other one.
05:57Oh, look, I knew this was going to happen.
05:58Doug!
05:59Who's going to...?
06:01Oh, Jesus Christ!
06:03Oh, for crying out loud. For crying out loud.
06:14He matters.
06:19The care!
06:20Oh!
06:21That's all it takes.
06:22That's all it takes.
06:24That's all it takes.
06:27That's all it takes.
06:28Are you okay?
06:29Don't mind fucking him!
06:31It's the phone of a cop.
06:32Do something!
06:34All the waters!
06:35Or is it petrol?
06:36Or is it petrol?
06:38Oh, Jesus.
06:40Oh, no, that car's gonna go up.
06:42This petrol leak is getting worse.
06:44Where the hell are the emergency services?
06:46Listen, listen.
06:48Hang on, Hayley.
06:50I was keeping talk.
06:52The three of them are just like,
06:54will we get a cup of tea?
06:56Oh, hurry up!
06:58There we go.
07:00Get her out.
07:02Get her out.
07:04Blow up now. Blow up.
07:06I got you.
07:08Oh, prickly.
07:12Boom.
07:14Oh, wow.
07:16Ah, lads.
07:20What the fuck?
07:22Later, the show took us to visit Hayley
07:24in the hospital.
07:26About today, I have something I wanted to say.
07:28Thank you so much.
07:30You saved Hayley's life.
07:32If it wasn't for you getting her out of the car,
07:34she'd be lying in the morning working on a hospital bed.
07:36Today you're a hero for her.
07:38I would strangle him.
07:40He's the reason.
07:42Sharon all right.
07:44Well, I was just wondering if I could have a moment alone with her.
07:46No.
07:47Oh.
07:48We'll go and get coffee.
07:49Could you take her with you?
07:50I'd go, I'd go gladly.
07:52He's hardly going to turn off the life support.
07:54Fuckin' idiot.
07:56It's good that they got her bag and her phone out of the car before it exploded.
08:08Delete.
08:09You bad egg.
08:10He's a bit wicked, isn't he?
08:12Oh my God.
08:13Jesus Christ.
08:14I love Versity.
08:15No, no, I'm never ever watching Versity with you again.
08:17Oh, can I have that in writing?
08:18Yeah.
08:19Please.
08:20You're a pain, honest to God.
08:21I can't stand soaps.
08:22Janet, I swear you're a fuckin' hemorrhoid.
08:25In Dundalk.
08:26What about you getting bullied on the PlayStation?
08:27I'm not over it.
08:28David and his wife, Sarah.
08:29Not getting bullied on it.
08:30It's just...
08:31David, there was a man in Russia.
08:32What did I translate it to?
08:33You are bad at this game.
08:34They just, they don't like if you're playing and you beat them.
08:37And they'll send you, like, a message going, like, you shit.
08:40Someone actually messaged me.
08:41I don't know.
08:42I don't know.
08:43I don't know.
08:44I don't know.
08:45I don't know.
08:46I don't know.
08:47I don't know.
08:48I don't know.
08:49I don't know.
08:50I don't know.
08:51I don't know.
08:52I don't know.
08:53You shit.
08:54Someone actually messaged me.
08:55I'd rather watch paint dry than play with you again.
08:57You're getting bullied on it.
08:59It's kind of weird because I'm 32 years old.
09:02It's just these kids messaging me saying how bad I am and everything, like.
09:06I felt, I felt, like, bad for you.
09:08Like, I felt pity for you.
09:09I, when I do see them, I delete a lot of them because I don't want to see them.
09:13On Sunday night, E4 brought us a brand new installment of their experimental dating series.
09:20I know my soulmate is out there.
09:22I just haven't met them yet.
09:24Yes!
09:25Is it Married of our site?
09:26Is it?
09:27It is turnip.
09:29I love this because it's just a bunch of narcissists all coming together.
09:33The first to enter the experiment is 31-year-old Sarah.
09:37It's me.
09:38I'm 31 and I'm Sarah.
09:39You wear the same types of jackets.
09:40I would wear a blazer, yeah.
09:41I just love a bad boy.
09:44Tattoos, big belts.
09:46A bit of a scumbag.
09:47A little bit of a scumbag.
09:48A little bit of a scumbag.
09:49A little bit of a scumbag.
09:50It's not like a scumbag, what?
09:51There's a lot of pressure on women because of the biological clock to be getting married
09:54by a certain age.
09:55Are you asking me questions now or something?
09:57Relax, you are not becoming a grandfather any time soon.
10:00I can guarantee you that.
10:02My perfect husband would be someone who can match my energy, who can have fun with me,
10:09a big heart.
10:10Ah, he looks like he has a big heart.
10:12If he doesn't look like what, I would usually go for.
10:15It doesn't matter.
10:16I'm going to be open-minded.
10:17I love him already.
10:18He's real cute, isn't he?
10:19I love him already.
10:20My favourite thing to do is to make people smile.
10:22Aw!
10:23How would you not be embarrassed, though?
10:25Absolutely not.
10:26Yeah, mate, you know, you went on Bleeding Telly to get a wife.
10:29No.
10:30Why would you be embarrassed?
10:31When I was younger, I never really got the attention of any girls because I wasn't that
10:35sexy guy.
10:36Tell me about it.
10:37I was exactly the same.
10:38God, I was four foot nothing.
10:41People just put coats on me.
10:43I'm a hopeless romantic.
10:45I just love to make the person I'm with feel like a princess, feel like a queen.
10:48There has to be a catch.
10:50Maybe he's got really sweaty hands.
10:52We watched through our fingers as we witnessed Dean waiting at the top of the aisle.
10:57Here comes the bride.
10:59Oh, I hope he likes her.
11:04I wouldn't even go on a blind date, let alone a blind marriage.
11:07Like when you went on first dates?
11:09That was awful, yeah.
11:10I forgot about that.
11:11You literally went on a blind date on television.
11:15Oh, my God.
11:16He's so cute.
11:17Oh, my God.
11:18What's your name?
11:19Sarah.
11:20What's your name?
11:21Sarah.
11:22What's your name?
11:23My name's Dean.
11:24Dean.
11:25She didn't even know your name.
11:26They don't know their names.
11:27That's what I'm saying.
11:28They meet at the top of the altar.
11:29She's smiling.
11:30She's looking at me and I think, this is the woman for me.
11:32It started off good.
11:33The personality's there.
11:34I hope she's feeling the same.
11:35Does she like him?
11:36No, I don't fancy Dean.
11:37What'd I tell you?
11:38Oh, she's just like Dean.
11:39Didn't she say she's not going for a look?
11:40I'm so sorry.
11:41I should have went.
11:42She got the egg?
11:43Oh, shit.
11:44Don't marry her, Dean.
11:45I don't know anything about you yet, but I can't wait to discover all the idiosyncrasies
11:48that make you who you are.
11:49And there's something I've prepared.
11:50Oh, I'm excited.
11:51Oh, here we go.
11:52When I saw you in that dress today, I was like Dean.
11:53Oh, I'm so sorry.
11:54I'm so sorry.
11:55I'm so sorry.
11:56I'm so sorry.
11:57I'm so sorry.
11:58I'm so sorry.
11:59I'm sorry.
12:00I'm sorry.
12:01I'm sorry.
12:02I'm sorry.
12:03I'm sorry.
12:04I'm sorry.
12:05I'm sorry.
12:06I'm sorry.
12:07I'm sorry.
12:08I'm sorry.
12:09I'm sorry.
12:10Why are you in that dress today?
12:11You did more than take my breath away.
12:13Oh, he's got a wrath.
12:16All my fears alleviate.
12:18I know we're gonna be okay.
12:20No.
12:21Oh, lad.
12:22Is this actually happening?
12:24Everybody sing with me.
12:25What?
12:26When I say wed, you say ding.
12:28Wed.
12:29Wed.
12:30When I say wed, you say ding.
12:31Wed.
12:32When I say d, you say vorst.
12:33You say leave, I say now.
12:35I feel sorry for him.
12:37I don't.
12:38I did up until that point.
12:39It was way better than I could have ever hoped.
12:42This is my type of lady.
12:43Aww.
12:44I don't think so.
12:45I'm gonna be completely honest.
12:47I don't wanna rip his clothes off.
12:49Oh.
12:50She's a looks person.
12:54She already said that.
12:56But she said she'll go past the look.
12:58After the ceremony, we waited to see if Dean could turn things around at the afters.
13:03What's happening now?
13:04Oh, what's this gobshake gonna do?
13:05What is about to happen right now?
13:06So, yes.
13:07Daddy's not going singing again.
13:08Oh, Dean.
13:09It's been two minutes.
13:10I was rooting for you.
13:11I know you don't know me that well yet.
13:12Yes.
13:13I wanted to paint a picture of what I see.
13:15What love can be.
13:16We've done enough extracurricular activities.
13:17We're done, please.
13:18Let's sit down and throw another fire.
13:31See me down with a hot hot cocoa with you.
13:35I want a divorce, too.
13:38I admire the courage but I'm getting sick.
13:44I can't all become young!
13:48I can see why we've been matched. I can't.
13:52She's not there. That's all.
13:56She went into it knowing I'm not gonna know what he looks like,
13:58I'm not gonna know how he is.
14:00And then she's there sobbing and all, like, hop on.
14:02It was your choice to go on the show, grow up.
14:04The awkward couples are always my favourite, though.
14:06I know it's terrible,
14:07because I'm literally watching two people suffer.
14:09You're such an evil usher.
14:10I can't wait to watch the rest of that now.
14:18Book Delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
14:28Book Delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
14:37In a thigh.
14:38All this gym stuff you're doing.
14:40Yeah, because I have a long bicep.
14:41You still can't get arms like me.
14:43The gruffer teeth.
14:44Sure, I don't have a long bicep, I have a half of one.
14:47One and a half biceps.
14:48What is that?
14:50You're like Popeye.
14:51That's what happens when you have an accident with a bulldozer.
14:54And the bulldozer won.
14:56Alex, you've got bigger guns than your daddy now.
14:58No, you haven't.
14:59Not at all.
15:00Mine are harder than yours.
15:02Look.
15:03Look, yeah, I'm not.
15:04Oh, Lord, like knots on tread, look.
15:06Okay, girlies.
15:07Slow down there.
15:08Let me just...
15:09Shut up.
15:10Go away.
15:11Oh, yeah.
15:12Have a look at that.
15:13That's just because you're skinny, man.
15:14Of course, you'd use the arm with the scribbles all over.
15:16Every time you come back, we have an arm wrestle to see if you got stronger or win it.
15:20Every single time.
15:21Every time I come back from the gym, after my muscles have been fatigued.
15:24Wap out.
15:25Wap out.
15:26That's the excuse of the day.
15:27And every time your sister beats you.
15:29Wap out.
15:30On Sunday night, Channel 4 took us back inside a very famous school.
15:36Welcome to the world of education.
15:39Educating Yorkshire.
15:40Was that a good accent?
15:41That was pretty good.
15:42Oh, I could tell you stories about school, boy.
15:46In the programme, we followed the day-to-day school life of a 12-year-old student named Jacob.
15:52He's not known to be one of Year 8's more reserved students.
15:56This room is very hot.
15:57He seems like fun, doesn't he?
15:59Chad.
16:00Yeah, that's blue, that one.
16:01So it's Chad?
16:02Voice is off.
16:03Hands up.
16:04It's Chad.
16:05Chad?
16:06Is it Chad?
16:07Is it Chad?
16:08I think it's Chad.
16:09I know my flags.
16:10You do know your flags.
16:11Listen to your handsome little boy.
16:13Yeah!
16:14I have to say, I love a class clown.
16:18Well, you're lucky enough you have one of them here sitting with you.
16:20I know.
16:21Clearly.
16:22Because that's all I get told at the parent-teacher meetings.
16:24I usually just shout out what I'm thinking a bit too much.
16:29If they followed me around school, it would not make good TV.
16:34But then we were also different people to what we were in school.
16:37We wouldn't have been friends in school.
16:39No, probably not.
16:40You didn't even hesitate there, look.
16:42Right, so I'm a little bit concerned about your negatives.
16:45You're the highest in year eight.
16:46Oh, my.
16:47Nox and Bod.
16:48Yeah, it is.
16:49Oh, God, the poor boy.
16:50Did you ever go on report card in school?
16:52Yeah.
16:53Did you?
16:54Yeah.
16:55I was never told you were on report cards.
16:57Yeah, you were supposed to get them signed by your parents as well.
17:00At the end of every day.
17:01Were you?
17:02I learned four of them.
17:03I learned four of them.
17:04Out of mum's signature in like second year, boy.
17:05What can we do to help you out a little bit?
17:08I don't know.
17:09Because I know I can do it.
17:12I just sometimes can't.
17:13I feel really bad for him.
17:16Hmm.
17:17I feel like they're trying to make him like everyone else.
17:19Mm-hmm.
17:20And he's just not.
17:21Who do you support?
17:22Yes.
17:23Leicester.
17:24Everton.
17:25Yeah.
17:26Everton?
17:27Yeah.
17:28Why Everton?
17:29My dad did.
17:30Because my dad did.
17:31Where's dad?
17:32Over the last few years, Jacob's lost several close family members.
17:37Aww.
17:38I just want to hug him now.
17:40I've worked with numerous kids that have lost family in different circumstances.
17:47I was 14 when dad died.
17:50Because I missed like a few days and obviously you're going back into school and like you can't
17:53take these things in.
17:54Like my junior set results were crap.
17:56I think I have ADHD but it's not confirmed yet.
18:01There's more children coming out with autism and ADHD and you need regular breaks in order to get them focused.
18:10It's been discovered that Jacob's been filming on his phone all day around school.
18:15Oh, Jacob.
18:16Oh no.
18:17He can't be doing that.
18:18If there's anything on there of nudity, we can't see it.
18:21Is anyone naked?
18:22No.
18:23He wasn't, he wasn't taking it serious.
18:24Oh, so who ratted on him?
18:25Sorry, no.
18:26If I went, if I went on to someone's Snapchat and saw me getting changed in the back of the room.
18:28Yeah, but he said no one's getting changed in the back of the room.
18:29Although.
18:30You're suspended.
18:31Oh no.
18:32Your mum's going to be fuming.
18:33I remember getting suspended from school years ago and I had a ball, so it didn't work for me.
18:52There's just something I see in that face and those eyes that just wants to just be accepted.
19:00just be accepted god bless him both me and kevin adhd but we can't just use that as an excuse if
19:07we're dickheads like but she had a bit of support of course i know that i know that you had a stable
19:13environment later we rooted for jacob as he was given a second chance i actually think they're
19:19very fond of him oh they are yeah because they can see that he's a good old kid at the back of it all
19:24see you later are you gonna go straight out then don't kick anything no child walks into a school
19:33and wants to misbehave there's always a reason for behavior i've never seen teachers being so
19:41passionate yeah yeah it's very hard in situations not to take your job home with you i know that's
19:47why i'd never be like a zookeeper or anything i'd have them all living with me all those animals
19:52if you could go back in the time machine now would you go back to when like i was in second
19:56year or something no i was able to cry on demand at the parent-teacher meetings did you cry at
20:02parent-teacher meetings oh yeah oh absolutely we weren't that bad for what to get the sympathy
20:08of the teacher why the could you do that if they were giving out about you i'd do my best
20:13just crocodile tears fucking tell me bye
20:21in cork what do you call an irish lesbian dale and her wife dawn an irish lesbian gaelic
20:31where are you getting these from all right quick fire tell me a dad joke go
20:42oh god you're normally really good at this i don't know any
20:47you're the queen of dad jokes you're panicking you're panicking i don't know that one joke is
20:56coming to my brain
20:56donnie one not two
21:10on thursday rte one took us house hunting on the west coast of ireland i'm maggie malloy and i'm back
21:17on the hunt for ireland's best value properties i love maggie cheap irish houses she's great she's
21:23the world's happiest estate agent even in a tough housing market it's still possible to find your
21:29ideal cheap irish home jacks is gonna be so good for us i need the inspo you wouldn't do a fixer of
21:37no i would i think if it's in the budget why not this week i'm meeting graham o'brien and his
21:43fiance elenia de mauro elenia is originally from italy and works as a dance teacher why would you
21:50move from italy to ireland sorry our budget is 150 000 150 000. you wouldn't even get a stamp in
22:00dublin for that in the show we followed graham and elena's frugal search for a fixer-upper it has
22:06a guide price of 120 000 euro this is awful this looks like someone died multiple times but i like
22:12her walking into like a place where someone got murdered being like i can set up a lovely little
22:16chat in here what kind of a feel are you getting off it nice very close to galway so please make me
22:22happy that's perfect isn't it no for me it wouldn't be it just looks like the old sitting room part of
22:31the chimney there looks like there's some kind of issue sitting room looks shit this thing needs to be
22:38torn down to the foundations imagine i got somewhere like that nowadays but we're spending all of our
22:43saturdays over in my house if you bought the place this remote you would see me twice a year
22:50looks like it was the old kitchen yeah i would say so who means that color i had that green in the
22:55kitchen at one stage at least the bathroom is indoors yeah and it's decent space finally we see the
23:02bathroom yeah it's actually right it's a right size oh look at this we have double hours here oh my god
23:09can i just say that stain at the back of the wall looks like someone blew their hole out yeah the
23:14world's largest shit explosion that's where the toilet was i can see myself here i can picture myself
23:20here with you she's not from italy she is lying to us she's putting on that accent why would you do that
23:26i don't know she's trying to get his money okay well we have more houses to see we hit the road okay
23:34option one give it a ranking out of ten
23:39five later the program gave us a nosy at yet another structurally sound homestead this secluded
23:47derelict cottage is well under budget with a guy price of 95 000 euro that looks more haunted than the
23:54last it's cheaper though there's a leprechaun house is it what is this a house for ants is it a house
23:59for leprechauns we have the yards we've all of the outbuildings surrounding us and around 0.8 of an
24:06acre of land she's a haircut you trust that's it as well fedelma yeah yeah certain name no she just
24:12looks like a fedelma there's nothing in front of us he's a toilet no yeah no there is no inside toilet
24:20there is no inside toilet next squatting out the window and all hardly that'd be wild
24:27why do you have to say it like that so you need that extension the nail marks on the wall someone
24:34scratched the shit out of them walls that frighten the life hour it's on the market for 95 000
24:39but they're very open to negotiation on that out of ten makes sense no connor about two that was
24:46horrible i prefer the first one i am more for the first one but i love even the second one okay and
24:53i'd be the reverse they better give an update i don't want to be left on the edge here
24:59that's it oh i'm sick do you know what i don't understand what do you not understand
25:06this show doesn't give me the same satisfaction as like watching grand designs where you get like
25:10an end result it's just like yeah we had a look hopefully it goes well from
25:23book delivery sponsors google box ireland
25:28book delivery sponsors google box ireland
25:30in dunlairi you know obviously you can use the phone to if you put up someone's face you can open
25:40it right yes yes friends david and john but the phone detects when your face has lost a bit of its
25:48pigment if i come over and find you dead right yeah you've been dead let's say a day so you're cold
25:53so i'm like okay you immediately go to my drawers exactly so you're dead a day i'm like i'm gonna take
25:57an hour i'm gonna have a look around the place right and i want to have a look at your phone as
26:00well to go through all the messages that i need to delete but if i hold the phone up to your face
26:05you're dead and cold so if the phone not unlock no the biometrics won't unlock it so you have to
26:10put a bit of bring along a little bit of makeup and you put a bit of rouge on the face so that the
26:15biometrics pick up what looks like blood flow again and it'll open the phone so just if you ever kill
26:20someone just know that see it now like donald coming into my my dead body and you doing a full face of
26:24makeup on me on thursday the news on rte1 told us that our next door neighbor was having some
26:31visitors look here we go yep now the final day of the u.s president's state visit to the uk is
26:38underway why are they hosting that feckin eejit donald trump is like the ultimate american visitor
26:45you don't want do you know what i mean like it reminds me of back in the day when like a really
26:49fucking pain and the whole yank was coming it was the high point of this state visit attended
26:57by notable figures from the world of politics business and media i'm actually so disappointed
27:02in kate she's there isn't she she's sitting beside him at last night state banquet in windsor castle
27:08the u.s president described his visit to the uk as one of the highest honors of his life this was the
27:15second state visit and uh that's the first and uh charlie boy where's the cheeseburgers where's the
27:22big macs i am enraged by this people are dying they're having this big banquet like how if this
27:28oh how much does that cost i'd love to know for king charles careful diplomatic language was used
27:34about the needs to support ukraine how are charles's fingers june today as tyranny once again
27:42threatens europe does tyranny threaten europe are we we and our allies stand together in support of
27:52ukraine he speaks with dignity the other fellow's only a trump dignity seems like a posh prick to me
27:59king charles as much as i hate the royal family he kind of a cool royal in a way well he he's i suppose
28:05he's kind of liberal yeah for a king but didn't he think plans could talk yeah yeah in the early hours of
28:11the morning donald trump posted on social media to welcome news back in america that abc had decided
28:18to take the u.s talk show host jimmy kimmel off air indefinitely over comments he made about the
28:25killing of conservative activist charlie kirk we are moving into an authoritarian dystopian society i have
28:32seen this in the handmade stuff doesn't end well no it doesn't jimmy kimmel's not good man no i don't
28:38even like jimmy kimmel but i'm on his side this time he's not funny at all like but it's not fair
28:42kirk got shot for the shite he was saying and he got fired for the shite he was saying yeah free
28:47speech some free speech country then oh it's free speech as long as you're saying what i like yeah
28:52donald trump described it as great news for america adding that the host had zero talent he's a no
28:59talent he's got no talent that's why he was fine do you really think that donald trump's actually uh
29:04tweeting himself yeah do you think he's sitting there tweeting yeah he definitely is really he's
29:10ahead on him like 100 percent donald trump will then board air force one and leave the uk bringing
29:15to an end this historic second state visit good riddance as a result of king charles doing what
29:21he did england will get an awful lot of more business from trump simply because he licked his
29:26arse and that's what trump loves in donegal sisters barbara and janet i was going to oncology
29:35yesterday yeah and uh it was good news good by time delighted and but they're keeping me on the
29:41medication of course um but in january i'm going to be eight years cancer free he said keep it up
29:49when he says would you have a healthy lifestyle i said i'm not going through all that
29:53i do whatever i want i go wherever i want i drink and eat whatever i want you've said that so i'm
29:58over the moon about it so roll on keep rolling keep going this week we streamed a documentary on
30:04netflix that had us all a little at sea
30:10the fuck is that cruise ship i'd love to go on a cruise now no would you not
30:15poop poop cruise i hate when americans say poop it's such a funny word it's so stupid
30:28in the show we got to see a very big boat and it's very excitable passengers would you go on a
30:33cruise outside yeah i did it was wonderful oh i wouldn't no no i was getting married it was my
30:41bachelorette party just tag on a cruise the car about crack we all talked about it and discussed
30:47and decided that a cruise would be a fun way to celebrate let's go turns off cruises we've one
30:51booked i know have a beautiful day on the car will triumph day two stay packed now now that would that
31:00would i would that would not be my yeah i would like to do a gay cruise but i don't think it'd be
31:04very good for my self-esteem those they are awful dave those circuit parties oh no i wouldn't want
31:09one of them no like nice drag no later we watched as the passengers got a very unwelcome wake-up call
31:17i just remember opening my eyes and like looking around it pitch black like what is going on
31:23we're not i think we hit an iceberg oh the ship is on fire
31:31oh while everyone was trying to figure out what to do i would be looking for the life jacket and the
31:36boat the boat suddenly it went dark on the bridge everything's out oh look at her eyebrows
31:47and then somebody realized that the toilets weren't working
31:54you need power for poop we had to come up with a plan this is not in the manual
31:58so folks you do need to do a number one everybody you can do it in the shower absolutely not i'm
32:08jumping off how could you pee in the shower everyone's peed in the shower what we're gonna
32:16do is we're gonna deliver some red bags to all of the bathrooms on board and if you do need to do a
32:23number two we ask that you please do it in the red bag oh my god like what if you're in the middle
32:29of a number one and you're like oh surprise number two do you mean yeah that's the only option that we
32:35had do it in a plastic bag what would you do if you had a shank in the bag would you shake it at
32:41highland and pick it up with the bag or just aim for the bag i guarantee my bowels would start rumbling
32:48the second of the announcement i need a poo i'm like des hold the bag she would you know
32:57she'd make me hold that around our arse people were throwing their red bags on the life boards
33:03somebody threw the poop bag and and the wind blew it back on somebody on the sitting on the open deck
33:14you dirty sucker the group next to us in tent city it was a newlywed husband and wife and they were
33:19having sex right in front of me on the on the chair riding yes get me on a cruise well that's
33:26that's just nasty because no one's washed in like five days aren't they fucking human beings
33:33my jokes aren't they they just turn into animals we are animals suddenly the weather
33:40turned for the worse oh no
33:46and that's the moment everything's spilled oh all that poop
33:50it's like you think it can't get worse and then it gets worse imagine everything that goes in a
33:57toilet right piss all of it it's just you know it's everywhere oh my gosh look look look look oh mighty
34:07god oh this is disgusting oh we were in excrement oh just sink that ship literally
34:25at that point i was like just get me off the ship i would not be able for this time walking in piss
34:32in a hall not only piss piss that's soaked into a carpet a spongy floored piss sponge after eight
34:39traumatic days we finally got to see the stricken cruiser reach dry land can you imagine the
34:46fucking bang off the air coming in that harbor passengers were given a full refund transportation
34:52expense and 500 payment i'd be delighted with that full of that's horrific that's traumatic
34:59i haven't need that we've often walked through ships i have never walked through ship did you
35:04ever wean yourself accidentally yeah yeah yeah so that's walking in your ryan your your ryan
35:10yeah but not everybody's your ryan come in until you put plastic bags on your feet you'd be grand
35:21book delivery sponsors google box ireland
35:23book delivery sponsors google box ireland
35:35in betty's town so we went to the sauna when i was in finland right connor and his sister emma
35:42but it was a naked sauna and it was full of old men and women i'm one of the lads that was in there
35:48collapsed right and there was this man this finnish man in the nip who was the first aid guy comes
35:56running over right and i was like oh what is that meant to symbolize i can't take this situation
36:03seriously and he's bending over this poor chap on the ground imagine blacking out at a sauna and you
36:09wake up and there's an old man's penis in your face because he was like squatting over him to make
36:14sure he was like breathing or whatever that was traumatizing and that was traumatizing for me
36:18can i imagine how it felt for the man how do you think i feel right now on wednesday morning a simple
36:24question on virgin media one really hit home well hello there hello hello hello everybody hello hello
36:32there cat dilly i like el bender he seems to fit well it's it's a good fit with cat
36:39oh it's not holly and phil anymore no what how long ago was that ages ago he got he was in trouble
36:45i'll tell you what is an argument that definitely happens in our house i don't know about yours
36:49and that's around the dishwasher and how appallingly some people in my family continue to stack it
36:55despite the expert advice they get from me oh i have so much to say about this i have so much to talk
37:01about this you are the worst person when it comes to the dishwasher the dishwasher can't even
37:05function when you load it it's a joke 61 of us argue over the stacking of dishwasher we don't argue
37:14but we have words you load the dishwasher so bad mom it's not even funny at least alex doesn't just
37:23doesn't load it at all but you load it so bad are we going to throw to our expert so it's not just me
37:29telling you this this is our expert grace pharrell she looks like she's going to burst into an irish
37:34dance or something she's looking for us as well she's dressed like a haunted doll grace you can
37:39talk us through uh the do's and don'ts of stacking your dishwasher is that a dishwasher expert mother
37:44of god you can make a career out of this oh what out of like teaching i mean she's a professional
37:50i'm going to tell you the right way to do it while still maybe expressing a little bit of your
37:54personality i'm not watching this about a bleeding dishwasher it's away from fecking dishes we want yeah
38:01a bit of peace so i'm going to start with a question that lots of people always have and
38:06it's do you need to pre-rinse dishes before you put them in the dishwasher now my answer is generally
38:12no thank you i've been saying that for years i don't care what they say if it was up to dad we
38:17we fully wash the dishes before we put them into the dishwasher rinse them is all i ask now i say
38:22anything that you drink out of would go in the top shelf i come in from work and there's
38:27fucking glasses everywhere how many glasses are i being it does he have in like six hours emma i
38:32checked this thing you left a buttered knife in there from 8am just rest in there very important
38:38actually is if you have plastics i would put that in the top yeah obviously she's don't say obviously
38:44because you don't do this you don't you put pots and pans up there like and then the thing can't
38:50close sarah and you whack the door and then you just think all the things in there are going to move
38:55down and then function somehow it's bullshit i do kick the door a little sometimes like little
39:02plates like this are also fine i mean don't sort of stack them too close together what i never
39:07understood was the cereal bowl in the top shelf what's that about yeah okay nice lunatic anything
39:17that's really dirty you want to be putting in the bottom i would put them at the sides so that they're
39:23not obstructing oh no that's fucking no that's the plate drawer that is terrible that is so stupid
39:29that's the only place you can get the big plates she's doing it wrong this expert isn't greater she's
39:34not there's still plenty of space to get your cutlery yeah i think this is probably some of the
39:38stupidest tv i've ever seen in my life cutlery cutlery which way around you put the cutlery yeah up uh
39:46like thing up not down knives should always go facing down okay knives always face down
39:54yeah you put them in like daggers and i'll go in to then unload it my hands getting ripped apart
40:01because you've just put all the sharp things pointing this way and the little baby spoons going
40:05down great can you just throw the dishwasher tablet in oh well this is a tricky one if you can i would
40:11put it in the drawer i mean if you can't put it in the little drawer then yes you can chuck it in
40:16i do that the odds i throw it in like a bomb sometimes see if i pack it really bad i put one
40:20in the little dishwasher hole i just throw an extra one in on the bottom you're murdering the environment
40:25and you're murdering our electricity bill doing that every week yeah but i'm happy no i'm not
40:34in carlo mates greg john and eric how would you make a new friend i wouldn't but how like
40:44the last thing i do like making friends at this age is impossible yeah but who wants to
40:51no i'm not saying if i had no friends by now i'm happy enough yeah that's fair what are you doing
40:57well what are you into yeah like soccer and all but how would you make a friend well like the work
41:02friends count no they're kind of like an actual friend they'd hang around with outside yeah i don't
41:07know if i'd want to do that like like the same thing like i've enough i have enough fucking yorks to go
41:12to like imagine that more yorks in yeah that's true yeah fair this week we caught up with the first
41:19episode of sky atlantic's gritty new crime drama oh macro flow is it i love him i love him we watched
41:29as a weary agent brandis was called into work what do you mean concessions your side
41:36itself in the ass with no lube wow they want me to put together a task force i know i'm sorry he's a
41:44man of short stature but he brings a lot of moxie it's the weirdest review of an actor i've ever heard
41:49in my life what's the job sorry there's been a spate of home invasions through dea informants we
41:55know of at least nine houses that have been hit and of those nine seven belong to members of a
42:01motorcycle gang well surely the drug leaders didn't report her robbery like yeah they took our drug money
42:08unfair there is no limit to the amount of tv shows i'll watch about an old down on his look detective
42:15solving the case yeah i love it in the show we met a group of bin men looking to clean up
42:20in more ways than one that one there careful so basically these guys are working but they're keeping
42:30an eye on these drug dealers so they're thinking of rubbing them basically there's a period of my
42:36life where i actually wanted to be a bin man you know what happened the smell was too much
42:44we watched as the bin men ditched their truck and went for a nice evening drive oh jesus that's scary
42:52and these are gonna rob drug dealers that's not a good news no
42:55what do you think boys do sit down with these every now and then they do have asked the lads
43:02of work when they one of the lads said when they're treating themselves oh
43:12where's the money it's been causing all the problems huh oh i felt that let him put his penis away
43:19where's the money where's the money i i know that voice i know that voice i know you man he's your
43:26band mom where's the money just give them the money uh no this is not a bank look oh now you're
43:37really fucked oh oh jesus i would shit myself this is fucking down tits up
43:44you're actually gonna break my finger
44:00i'm real into this yeah it's good oh no is he all right no
44:07behind you oh
44:24jesus this is wild
44:31does this mean that we can't trust the bin men i know our bin men are sound it's not in our bins
44:36anyway food and tampons
44:42is he checking this easier life yeah there's like your brains around the wall
44:59oh this just keeps getting worse are you my dad's french
45:06did you hear fireworks what the fuck oh my god
45:12you've seen their faces no you can't kill him leave shave your hair and your beard he won't know
45:17shoot him no david you have to shoot him later we could barely watch as agent brandis arrived to comb
45:25over the crime scene please don't tell me they killed that little boy
45:32if this is a dead child
45:37but there's no child they took the boy they never did they this is up yeah
45:44oh my god no way
45:56oh thank god this is your home now you're gonna have to adopt him and make him into a tiny gang member
46:01no no you shouldn't no tiny gang member
46:03they become two dads the new movies they're being progressive parents that's a rogue plot
46:14laughter suspense and daring feats abound as contestants test limits while celebrities predict
46:20their results family entertainment guaranteed you bet on tour continue saturday at eight on virgin
46:26media play and one
46:47you
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