- 2 days ago
This week on The Money Goal, Emir explores the struggles and strength of the sandwich generation, and how we can manage the weight of responsibility with a little more balance.
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00:00Imagine if you have to support your parents, then I'm like, oh my god, I support my parents, how can I have kids?
00:04So, I just won't have kids.
00:06When it comes to helping kids and the elderly, I always prioritise kids.
00:11When you were working on a high salary, you did enjoy your holidays and you did enjoy your handbags.
00:15And those were your choices, right?
00:17It's already a start to kecam here.
00:19I mean, honestly, you can't even think about savings now.
00:21And unfortunately, I feel that most people in this situation, this is how they get into debt.
00:25Like, oh, my salary now is $3,500 and I give my sibling $500 a month each.
00:29And I was like, whoa!
00:35What's up, guys?
00:36Welcome back to another episode of The Money Goal.
00:38My name is Ymir and I have Aisha with me again.
00:41I'm here.
00:42Hello, Aisha.
00:43Hi.
00:44Okay, so this week, I want to talk about sun regeneration.
00:49I know you've heard about it because you told me about it one time, I think.
00:52A few episodes ago.
00:53Yeah, so I was hanging out with my friend recently.
00:56This is how it suddenly started that I want to ask you.
00:59I will sit down with you and talk.
01:00So I haven't seen my friend quite a while because he was my friend in high school.
01:05Okay.
01:06So we went to a wedding recently and caught up with each other.
01:09So he's married.
01:10He has two kids.
01:11Okay.
01:12Very cute kids, by the way.
01:14Okay.
01:14Same age as you, right?
01:15You are?
01:16Same age as me, yeah.
01:17Eight.
01:1829 this year.
01:1929 this year.
01:20Okay.
01:20Yeah, we're almost 30.
01:21So he has...
01:22Two kids.
01:23Two kids.
01:24One is four and the younger one is two.
01:27Okay.
01:28So they're two years apart in kindergarten.
01:31So a lot of commitments.
01:32A lot.
01:33I heard...
01:34I mean, not that I have kids.
01:36But I heard it's a lot of money.
01:38I heard it's a lot of money.
01:38Money.
01:39Diapers.
01:40Formula.
01:41Because the younger one still, you know, home susu and all.
01:44And if you don't have...
01:45Your wife is working, you have daycare.
01:47Yeah.
01:48So his wife does not work.
01:52Okay.
01:53But she does take care of his mom.
01:58Okay.
01:59Because his mom currently suffers from diabetes.
02:03Okay.
02:04And he also recently lost his father.
02:07Okay.
02:07Yeah.
02:08So his wife had to take care of the mother.
02:12So they do send the kids to daycare.
02:14Yeah.
02:14Because she can only handle...
02:16Oh.
02:16Yeah.
02:18Ooh.
02:18That's expensive.
02:19Yes.
02:20Okay.
02:20And also he's paying, you know, his mom's medical bills.
02:24Also his kids' school bills.
02:27Okay.
02:27And also supporting his wife.
02:29And he's actually living in Kier in KL.
02:32Okay.
02:32Works in marketing.
02:34But he earns $5,000 a month.
02:36Okay.
02:36And he's supporting basically himself.
02:38Himself.
02:39Two kids.
02:39Two kids.
02:40His wife and his mom.
02:41His mom.
02:41So family of five on one income.
02:43Yeah.
02:43Okay.
02:43So his mom's medical bills, he told me, was around $1,000 a month.
02:48Okay.
02:48For ubat and all.
02:49You have to pay for...
02:50Is it?
02:51Yeah.
02:52That's like free.
02:52I don't know.
02:53I don't know.
02:54Okay.
02:54Okay.
02:54But $1,000.
02:55Therapy.
02:56Okay.
02:56He did say that's like therapy something.
03:00Yeah.
03:00Because he recently got into the hospital.
03:04Okay.
03:04Yeah.
03:04And his kids, he spent almost $1,200 for like diapers and school.
03:12Okay.
03:13A month.
03:13Okay.
03:14I'm better than what I've heard from my colleagues.
03:16But maybe they're just sending to more expensive places.
03:18I don't know.
03:18But okay.
03:19Okay.
03:19And then house and car, I feel he told me it was around $1,800.
03:25Oh, that's his whole salary gone though.
03:28Yeah.
03:28So, salary generation for us, I feel like I've only heard it for our generation so far
03:37because it feels like now in this time that it's harder for people like us to get a good salary
03:49that can actually support your mom or your sibling.
03:54And your siblings, if they're younger, it's hard for them to get a job.
03:57Yeah.
03:57So, sometimes you have to pay for them.
03:59Okay.
03:59Yeah.
04:00I've seen people that have to take care of their younger siblings as well.
04:03I think that's...
04:03Yeah.
04:04School especially, if they go to uni, you have to give them the blanching.
04:07Yeah.
04:07I've got money, right?
04:08Yeah.
04:08I've seen.
04:09I've seen.
04:09And also a lot of these people, their parents are already retired.
04:13Yep.
04:13Yeah.
04:14So, they also have to support their parents.
04:16So, mostly the ones that I've heard that is in this situation is mostly from our generation.
04:23Yeah.
04:24Yeah.
04:24Yeah.
04:24I feel like you know more about Sandwich Generation.
04:27I mean, I'm not.
04:28Okay.
04:29Yeah.
04:29I'm not Sandwich Generation.
04:30But...
04:31You're not lucky.
04:32I am not.
04:32Because I don't have kids.
04:33Yeah.
04:34Yeah.
04:34You're right.
04:34Yeah.
04:35Okay.
04:35So, basically, for those of you guys who don't know, Sandwich Generation is essentially
04:39where you, as an individual, you have to support your parents and your children, your
04:45own family, right?
04:46So, that's why we call it Sandwich Generation.
04:48Because you're in between two generations and then you're supporting them both.
04:51And, of course, it's not easy, right?
04:53I think a lot of people complain that having kids is difficult.
04:56I mean, some people are single and they already complain, oh my God, things are so expensive
04:59and they're just paying for themselves.
05:01Imagine having to pay for two different generations on top of that.
05:04It is a very tricky situation.
05:06And, honestly, it's unlucky if you're in that position.
05:10Yeah.
05:10But, one thing that you can do is to make sure that your kids never get into this position.
05:15I know a lot of people, even people that are older, they say, I don't need to save
05:19for retirement because, you know, I have kids.
05:20That's my retirement, right?
05:21It's fine.
05:22I'll spend all my money now and then when I don't have any more money, my kids have
05:25money.
05:26I feel like that's something the previous generation would say.
05:29Yeah.
05:29Like, my mom's mom.
05:31Oh, really?
05:31Yeah.
05:32Oh, no, no.
05:32I think there are people...
05:33Not my mom, la.
05:33Oh, I think there are people in our generation now who, their parents, which is essentially
05:38same generation as your parents, they say that.
05:40Oh.
05:40They say that, yeah.
05:41Oh, okay.
05:42My kids will take care of me.
05:43It's fine.
05:43Because, you know, I paid for them growing up, so I expect them to pay for me when I'm
05:47older as well.
05:48But it makes it very tough, la.
05:49It makes it very tough.
05:50Honestly, I think one of the reasons that basically the world has a declining population
05:55now is because, yeah.
05:57Do you know that a lot of Malaysians, I don't know if you noticed, la.
05:59People our age, less and less people have kids, basically.
06:03Yeah.
06:03Right?
06:03Compared to our parents, right?
06:04Compared, yes.
06:05I mean, one, of course, we have higher standards, la.
06:07We want to be more comfortable and stuff.
06:09Whereas back in the days, it's like, I'll just have kids and then hope one of them becomes
06:12LeBron James or something.
06:13I mean, because I'm not getting what I want, you know?
06:17Exactly.
06:17Like, I cannot afford to spend on me, so how am I going to...
06:21Exactly.
06:21...spend on other people?
06:22That's what a lot of people think.
06:23And then, imagine if you have to support your parents.
06:26Then I'm like, oh my god, I have to support my parents, how can I have kids?
06:28So, I just won't have kids.
06:30But yeah, this is basically what sandwich generation is like, la.
06:35So, for me personally, my goal, I want to make sure my kids, no problems.
06:38I'll sort of talk myself.
06:39Yeah, because my friend also told me, like, I asked him, how does he feel about this?
06:45And he's like, he has tried, you know, saying no to his kids if they want to go somewhere
06:52or you want to buy something.
06:54He also has tried saying no to his mom juga.
06:58Because sometimes old people kind of want to walk, walk, and he said, like, oh, cannot
07:04like this month, maybe next month.
07:05Because, you know, your bill, we have to pay this bill first, we have to prioritize other
07:10things first.
07:11But at the end, he feels like no matter how many times that he said no to his parents or
07:16to his kids, he still does not have that extra money to spend on them the month after.
07:26Because he doesn't have savings at this time.
07:29He cannot even save money.
07:30And he's kind of struggling, like, 5,000, and you have, like, a whole household.
07:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:38Buy groceries, buy food, he has insurance, he has bills.
07:43So, yeah, that's the thing that he's worried about.
07:46And he's trying to figure out how he can, you know, maybe increase his...
07:53Basically make the situation better.
07:55Yeah.
07:55Yeah.
07:57I think I'll address, like, two things.
07:59But the first thing is, of course, I think necessities have to be first, right?
08:03Basic needs first before any...
08:06I wouldn't even say luxuries, but anything that's not necessary.
08:09Like, let's say eating in more expensive places or going holidays and stuff, right?
08:14I have a view on this as well, which is a bit harsh.
08:18But when it comes to helping kids and the elderly, I always prioritize kids for the reason
08:27that my thinking, my rationality, at least, is that I always want to help the people who
08:31didn't have a choice first.
08:32So, our kids came into this world.
08:34And it's not like they could have studied hard and became a doctor and earned their own
08:37money, right?
08:37They're, like, four years old.
08:38They literally cannot do anything about it.
08:40This is the situation they're born in.
08:41So, I always help them first.
08:42Whereas, when it comes to parents, I mean, of course, they raised us and everything.
08:47Times were tough, right?
08:48But they did have a choice, right?
08:49They did have a choice to save up and prepare themselves for retirement, right?
08:53You know what?
08:53I get you.
08:54I get you.
08:54I get you.
08:55I told my mom that as well.
08:56So, I am giving my mom an allowance to everyone now just to support her a bit, make sure her
09:00retirement savings last a bit longer.
09:02But I told her, you know, I don't expect you to leave any money for me.
09:05You can spend all your money.
09:07Just make sure that you have enough for yourself.
09:10And if you run out, you will only get necessities.
09:13That's it.
09:13Because I have to prioritize my own family down the line and everything, right?
09:16And I know, yeah, maybe I want to pay for more expensive education and stuff for my
09:20kids.
09:20But I think, again, it's not like they can go and earn their own money to get a better
09:24education, right?
09:25So, I will give them what they need.
09:26I mean, you're trying to break the cycle.
09:28So, by prioritizing your kids, you'll make sure that one day they have a better future,
09:34get a better job, earn bigger salaries, so they can support themselves.
09:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:39Yeah.
09:40And I did tell my mom.
09:41The good thing about my mom is she's a bit reasonable.
09:43She understands.
09:44So, I was like, I mean, I know you supported us.
09:48You're racist and everything.
09:49But when you were working on a high salary, you did enjoy your holidays and you did enjoy
09:52your handbags.
09:53And those were your choices, right?
09:54Everybody, it's time to kecam here.
09:58This is your inner comment.
09:59If I had unlimited money, I'll support everyone, of course.
10:01But yeah.
10:03But going back to your friend's situation, honestly, it's super tricky.
10:06I don't think, I mean, you're talking about the cost.
10:08There's nothing you can do, right?
10:10The mom's treatment.
10:12What can you do, right?
10:13Your kids, you have to have diapers for them.
10:16They still need to go to daycare and stuff.
10:18He really only has two options.
10:20One is, of course, he needs to go up his income.
10:22I don't know how much time he has to...
10:25That's the only thing that I kind of like told him.
10:28I feel like you need to change your job and find a place that pays you better.
10:32Yeah.
10:32Or, I don't know, your wife can do like side income.
10:35Yeah.
10:36So, that's exactly what I was going to say.
10:37I feel bad telling him that because I'm not in his situation, right?
10:40Okay, then if I were him, if I were an issue...
10:44If you were an issue, what would you do, eh, man?
10:46I will, of course, try and up my income, for sure.
10:49I will do the best that I can.
10:51But I will also tell my wife, maybe you should go get a job.
10:55Okay, not side income, right?
10:58Okay, it can be side income, whatever, whatever.
10:59But I think she has room to get a job.
11:02Because I thought initially when you talked about this,
11:05that she was taking care of the kids and the mom.
11:06Which means that technically she's saving money instead of hiring a babysitter
11:12or instead of going to daycare, she's saving that money.
11:14But since the kids have to go to daycare anyway,
11:16basically all she's saving now is the cost of taking care of his mom, right?
11:21Which, if she can find a job for, let's say, RM4,000 salary,
11:24they can just hire a helper for RM2,000,
11:28get the helper to take care of the mom,
11:30and there's still an extra RM2,000 for the whole family.
11:33Which will help lah.
11:34Again, I know some people will say,
11:36oh, but then, you know, a helper and my wife helping my mom is different.
11:40But if I was in his shoes lah, that's what I would do.
11:43That's what E-May would do, guys.
11:44That's what I would do.
11:46You guys don't have to do this, but you should.
11:50But what about savings though?
11:52If he wants to start saving, do you think it's possible?
11:55What would you do?
11:56How would you do it?
11:57Again, I don't know his exact spending,
11:59but we talk about his house, car, mom, children, RM5,000 salary.
12:03Yeah, RM5,000, and then all I know is that RM1,000 for his mom, RM1,000 for his kids,
12:10and RM1,000 for his kids, and RM1,000 for his kids.
12:11Yeah, that's RM4,000.
12:13Yeah, I know.
12:14That's nothing.
12:14That's why I was like, well, maybe you got the math wrong.
12:17No.
12:17Because RM5,000, okay, assuming RM5,000 is gross,
12:20your net is RM4,300?
12:22Net RM4,300?
12:23That's...
12:25Yeah.
12:26Yeah, it's really tight.
12:27It's really tight.
12:27That's why, I mean, honestly, you can't even think about savings now.
12:30And unfortunately, I feel that most people in this situation,
12:33this is how they get into debt, right?
12:35One month...
12:36Okay, let's say, let's say, now you barely have enough, right?
12:39And you're surviving, surviving, surviving.
12:41One month that suddenly your car needs to go to the workshop,
12:44you don't have anything more for that, so you have to take a loan.
12:47And this is how people get into that trap, la.
12:49Yeah, which is why I feel like either, you know,
12:54pull the kids out of daycare and say,
12:55hey, I need my wife to take, I need you to take care of them
12:58because that's going to save me $1,000 a month or whatever it is.
13:02Or...
13:02I also told him because he's...
13:05Right now, he is the only one taking care of his mom
13:07because he's the eldest.
13:09Okay.
13:09But he does have three other siblings.
13:11Oh.
13:12Yeah.
13:13So I did tell him that probably you can share the cost with your siblings,
13:19but he said that he didn't want to ask
13:21because they also didn't offer.
13:24Okay, okay, okay.
13:25So I'm like, you know, maybe that could help.
13:30Actually, yeah, for sure.
13:31Elder sibling things, right?
13:33Okay.
13:33They feel responsible, I feel like.
13:35Yeah, they feel responsible.
13:35I think definitely lah.
13:37Three siblings is a lot.
13:39Yeah.
13:39To sort of help split this cost, right?
13:41To help support the mom.
13:42I think I would do that.
13:44Again, if I was an issue, I would definitely ask.
13:47I did it as well.
13:48So initially, one of my siblings wasn't giving an allowance to my mom.
13:55At the point.
13:55And I told her, like, I think you should.
13:58I mean, I know your salary.
14:00I know you have a nice lifestyle.
14:02But you need to give some to mom.
14:04I think this is just an elder side.
14:06I mean, I'm not the oldest.
14:07My sister's older than me.
14:09I'm the oldest.
14:10Oh, yeah.
14:10I'm not responsible.
14:13Yeah.
14:13I feel like the safest way to prepare yourself, this is not when you're already in the situation.
14:20But for you to actually prepare yourself, probably you have to actually plan your expenses.
14:25How much you can spend for your parents.
14:28How much you can spend for your children, your family.
14:30And how much you can spend for yourself.
14:32You should maybe split that cost first.
14:35And then I feel like the most important thing is to just have a medical insurance for everybody.
14:41Because you don't know what's going to happen, kan?
14:43Because you didn't know that your mother was going to suddenly get diabetes.
14:49She does not have an insurance.
14:50That's what he already made.
14:52Yeah.
14:52Because she didn't work.
14:55His father was the only one working.
14:58Okay.
14:59So they didn't take any insurance for his mom.
15:01So now they have to pay everything out of pocket because she does not have an insurance plan.
15:05Yeah.
15:06So I feel like before you get into being into like this sunrich generation, maybe it's having the knowledge or awareness on how you can avoid and prepare yourself.
15:19Yeah.
15:19Yeah.
15:19That's true.
15:20That's true.
15:20I think savings also could help.
15:23Yeah.
15:24If you are aware, if you know.
15:26Yeah, for sure.
15:26One thing that I did tell my mom is you need to keep your medical insurance, whatever it is.
15:30Yeah.
15:30Because like you said, you have your EPF money now.
15:33It can last you X number of years.
15:35But if anything were to happen to you, that entire savings could go towards medical bills.
15:40Yeah.
15:40And also insurance can help.
15:42For sure.
15:42It does not.
15:43It didn't feel like it's helping now.
15:44Because like I said in like first earlier.
15:47It feels like you're wasting money, right?
15:48I paid like $250 every month.
15:51Yeah.
15:51For the past five years, I've never used it.
15:54It's a good thing if you don't use it.
15:55It means you're not sick.
15:56Yeah.
15:56So at first I feel like, oh, I'm just paying for nothing.
16:00But now that I've met a lot of people who has been in situations where suddenly they accident, sakit kaki, they tiba-tiba dapat penyakit all of a sudden.
16:09And I'm like, oh, actually.
16:11Yeah.
16:11It helps.
16:12It does, for sure.
16:14It helps.
16:15For sure.
16:16Yeah.
16:17Let's do like a quick story.
16:19And then after that, we can wrap up with a takeaway that you can like simplify for all our viewers.
16:23Let's do it.
16:24Okay.
16:24So the first story, the double pressure paycheck.
16:29I'm the eldest child, so I give my parents a fixed amount every month to cover their groceries and bills.
16:35On top of that, my daughter's school fees and daycare cost almost the same amount.
16:40By the time my salary comes in, more than half is already gone.
16:44It feels like I'm working just to pass the money around.
16:47I love my family, but sometimes I wonder, when is it my turn to save for myself?
16:52So her question is, how can someone set boundaries without feeling like they're letting their family down?
16:59Okay.
17:00This one, people got to kecap me again.
17:03I'm ready.
17:05Actually, I've seen a lot of posts like this.
17:06I think Malaysians are, I don't know if it's a Malaysian thing.
17:08I think you are very kind.
17:09Very kind, very kind.
17:10For sure.
17:10I've seen posts of like these guys, basically in a similar situation, like, oh, my salary
17:17now is $3,500 and I give my sibling $500 a month each.
17:21And I was like, whoa.
17:22And people were initially thinking, oh, is it because, you know, your siblings don't have
17:26money?
17:26It's like, oh no, they have money.
17:27It's just that I feel responsible as the eldest brother.
17:30I know it's nice.
17:33It's nice to support your parents, to support your siblings, but you need to have to talk
17:37with them, right?
17:37And to me, at least, if you're struggling and your family is not struggling, like they
17:45won't without your money, then I will talk to them and say, hey, I'm in a tight spot
17:49now.
17:50Can we reduce the allowance temporarily until I get a better job or until I build X amount
17:55of savings?
17:56I would definitely do that.
17:57I think your friend's situation is different because the mom is like, really, she can't
18:01do anything about it, right?
18:02But I know a lot of people where, you know, their parents even have jobs still, or they
18:06have a lot of retirement savings.
18:08They just feel like, I need to get...
18:09Get belanja, like, okay, this is for you to like go makan, enjoy yourself.
18:14Which is nice, which is nice, but only do it when you're, when you can.
18:17When you can afford it.
18:19Exactly.
18:19Pay for yourself first, put yourself first.
18:21For sure.
18:22Last year, my dad suddenly needed surgery.
18:24And the hospital bill was way higher than we expected.
18:27My siblings and I had to pull together our savings and even swipe my credit card just
18:33to cover my part.
18:35That debt took me months to clear.
18:37After that, I realized that we can't just hope for the best when it comes to parents'
18:40medical needs.
18:41Now I'm actively looking into better medical coverage for them, but it's tough balancing
18:46the premiums with my own expenses.
18:48The question is, what's the best way to prepare for these sudden big expenses without falling
18:54into debt?
18:55Emergency funds, essentially.
18:57Yeah.
18:57That's why you have emergency funds so that you don't get into debt.
19:00But again, it's either you pull your siblings to pay for the insurance premiums ahead of
19:06time.
19:07Or if you guys really can't afford it, then I would definitely go to public healthcare.
19:10Even if you're parents, I know you will feel bad because it's not so comfortable, not
19:15as nice as private healthcare.
19:16But again, if you can't afford it, then it is what it is.
19:19It is what it is.
19:20So you just have to start saving.
19:21Exactly.
19:21Like, if you're already in trouble, you cannot do anything about it if you cannot afford it.
19:28So you just have to know to manage your savings so that when these things come, you'll
19:36be prepared.
19:37Yeah, exactly.
19:38Exactly.
19:39Let's wrap it up with some takeaways, tips.
19:42Sandwich generation.
19:43First of all, I would say selfish, but prioritize yourself first.
19:47You know, you can't help other people forever if you don't have your own finances sorted out.
19:51And then number two takeaway is if you are someone who is in sandwich generation now,
19:55just do your part to make sure that your kids are not in this position.
19:58Save for yourself for retirement, save for your healthcare in the future so that your
20:01kids can just focus on themselves.
20:03Yeah.
20:03Like what?
20:04Airlines punya tools.
20:06Exactly.
20:07The mask on your face first.
20:08Before you put it on for other people, exactly.
20:10Hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
20:12Thanks, Ayesha.
20:12Nice talking to you again.
20:13Thank you, man.
20:13And see you in the next one.
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