- 5 months ago
Friends make life fun!
But when does “enjoying the moment” cross the line into overspending? Have you ever noticed that your wallet feels a little too light after one too many outings, or that your savings don’t seem to grow because you’re always splitting bills, paying for rides, or saying yes to every hangout plan?
But when does “enjoying the moment” cross the line into overspending? Have you ever noticed that your wallet feels a little too light after one too many outings, or that your savings don’t seem to grow because you’re always splitting bills, paying for rides, or saying yes to every hangout plan?
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00:00Oh yeah, you know, over the weekend, I took a helicopter ride to Bali with my friend.
00:04Alright, okay.
00:05Okay, this is not my gang.
00:07Okay.
00:08Maybe there's like a certain level of embarrassment that comes with actually saying that.
00:12Yeah.
00:12Say like, hey, you know, if you can't afford it, then like don't do it or don't go.
00:18Might sound really like crass to say, but that's just like leech behavior, right?
00:24There's no point working, saving and sacrificing so much for the future.
00:29Yeah.
00:29And then foregoing everything now.
00:30I just don't think it's worth it.
00:31Just like being miserable for like 30 years.
00:33Yeah, exactly.
00:39What's up, guys?
00:39Welcome back to The Money Goal.
00:41My name is Emir and I have Yasmin again with me today.
00:44How are you, Yasmin?
00:45I'm good.
00:46I'm good.
00:46I'm good.
00:47Okay, another problem today.
00:48Yes, another problem.
00:49Yeah, it's not that good.
00:51But hopefully you can help me again.
00:53So social life, social life stuff.
00:57So like, I don't go out every single day to go hang out with my friends.
01:02But like, of course, I, you know, try to find like a work-life balance.
01:07For sure.
01:07Yeah, so I do like to spend time with my friends, like especially during the weekends, just to de-stress and relax.
01:16So whether it's like a karaoke night or like just like hanging out like at a restaurant or playing pickleball or whatever, you know.
01:26But what I've been finding is that obviously, because I want to go do these things, like I want to do activities.
01:34Like I don't want to just like hang out at someone's house or have people over at like my house.
01:39Like I actually want to go out and do stuff.
01:41So like, how do I, I guess, get to do all of that without overspending?
01:47Okay.
01:48But are you spending too much now?
01:50You're okay.
01:51I mean, I feel like I'm still okay.
01:53But I think the potential to like tip over is like always there.
01:58You know what I mean?
01:59Because like, again, it's like activity after activity after activity, right?
02:04So like, I mean, at the moment it's like, yeah, sports, sports stuff.
02:08And honestly, that's, that, that can really accumulate, right?
02:11Like going to like, yeah, renting out like a pickle court.
02:14Yeah, people are so expensive as well.
02:15Yeah, that's the thing.
02:17That's not something, I, I didn't think it would be as expensive as I thought.
02:22And like, there are people who are like fighting for these.
02:25Yeah, I know, right?
02:26It's crazy.
02:27It is insane.
02:27Pedal is even more expensive.
02:29Oh, is it?
02:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:30I think pickleball is like 70 bucks an hour.
02:32Pedal is like 150 bucks an hour, which is crazy.
02:35And do you want to talk about your golfing as well?
02:37No, no, no, I don't take golf.
02:38I take three sports.
02:41But yeah, I mean, like even things like that, where it's like, you want to do group activities.
02:45So like naturally, a lot of people think about sports and yeah, it costs something, right?
02:50Okay.
02:50So I think first of all, spending money on experiences or hanging out with friends, I think is one
02:56of the best ways to spend money, right?
02:58Compared to being more materialistic and just buying stuff, right?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I mean, I guess to each their own.
03:02But for me, I would rather spend it hanging out with friends.
03:04But of course, it can get too much, which again, then just goes back to managing your
03:10budget and stuff like that.
03:12But I think one of the biggest factors when it comes to overspending in social events is
03:17the crowd that you hang out with, right?
03:20Interesting.
03:21Yeah.
03:22So a good thing is my friends, my group of friends, they are a bit more...
03:27Chill.
03:28Yeah.
03:28They're a bit more chill.
03:29You know, they don't like to spend too much money.
03:30They're a bit more, you know, penny pinching, which I mean, it's not that it's bad, but
03:35at least we get to do things cheap, right?
03:37We get to do free things.
03:37So our best sessions are actually just lay parking at the mamak.
03:41Right.
03:41Yeah.
03:42A lot of times you just lay park at the mamak and it doesn't cost a lot, right?
03:44We just order food, order drinks and then we just sit there for the whole night completely
03:48free.
03:48Or sometimes we will just play games.
03:50I guess this is more of a guy thing.
03:52Games, it's actually pretty cheap because you buy it once and then you spend so much time
03:58playing it.
03:58Yeah.
03:58So that's cheap.
03:59But I know that sometimes people get a bit, I guess, influenced or pushed by their friends
04:05to, you know, do the more expensive things, right?
04:09Wait, what's that pickleball place called in KLGZ?
04:12Pickle Social Club or something like that.
04:14Yeah.
04:14Yeah.
04:14Yeah.
04:14Like a more atas place.
04:16People take pictures and then the restaurants are like fancy 40 ringgit meals.
04:20So I think some people, they can't afford it.
04:24But because their circle of friends are people who either can't afford it or they're just
04:29more reckless with money.
04:30So they tend to go to these more expensive places.
04:32And I think that's when things get a bit bad, right?
04:36I've had this experience as well in uni.
04:38It's a bit crazy.
04:40It's a bit crazy.
04:41But for real, this was like early on in uni days.
04:43And I was trying to find my group of friends, my gang back then, right?
04:47Everybody was new.
04:48People didn't really know each other.
04:49So I started hanging out with this group of people.
04:51And then I remember one long weekend, we all came back after the long weekend.
04:57And then one of them were like, oh, yeah, you know, over the weekend, I took a helicopter
05:01ride to Bali with my friends.
05:02All right.
05:03Okay.
05:04Okay.
05:04This is not my gang then.
05:06Okay.
05:07Yeah.
05:07But I really think choosing friends, I know it sounds a bit weird, but choosing friends
05:12that are within the same sort of level as you when it comes to your income and your
05:17affordability and stuff, I think it's very important.
05:19I think hanging around too much with people that either like to spend too much money or
05:25you know, spend more than you can afford can be very bad.
05:28Yeah.
05:28So I think that's one thing that people need to look out for.
05:30I've made a video about this.
05:32I know it sounds very weird, right?
05:33But I think choosing your friends is one of the most important things in personal finance.
05:38So choosing your partner is probably number one because, you know, your partner, you
05:41do everything with them, but your friends, I think they matter as well.
05:44Yeah.
05:44Yeah.
05:44Because I think there is like a certain peer pressure that you feel, especially if you're
05:52hanging out, again, with like what you said, right?
05:54A group of friends that maybe can afford to, you know, take a helicopter to Bali and like,
06:03and you know, you know, for yourself that you just, you just can't do that, right?
06:09But there's this, I guess, especially people like in our generation, like we feel that FOMO
06:14quite a bit.
06:15So we like want to be a part of the experience.
06:17You want to fit in, right?
06:18Yeah.
06:18But then at the same time, like we, we can't.
06:22Yeah.
06:22Right.
06:22Yeah.
06:23And yeah, I think, yeah, peer pressure is quite a huge issue with like our generation.
06:28It is.
06:28It is.
06:28Yeah.
06:29I actually know people.
06:30So it's not just about hanging out expensive places, right?
06:34It gets to the point where if all of your friends are driving nice German cars, I know
06:40people who are like, to fit in, I need to have a nice car as well.
06:44So it goes to that extent, which I think is really bad.
06:47Because of course, like if you do one-off karaoke, pickleball, expensive places or an expensive
06:52night up, yeah, it hurts, but it's not the end of the world.
06:56But when you get to the level where I need to have a similar kind of car to them, even
07:00though I can't afford it, then I think that's when it gets really bad.
07:03Yeah.
07:04Yeah.
07:05I think that's also, you're right.
07:06That's where it gets like really dangerous because I mean, at the moment, like, yeah,
07:11I feel like, yeah, I want to like, you know, go to this restaurant in the,
07:17center of KL or whatever, but then like, you don't want to get to the point of like,
07:21yeah, I want this particular car or this particular house or this particular kind of holiday.
07:28Just to fit in, right?
07:29Yeah.
07:29Because at the end of the day, like, if your friend can afford the Maldives, that's cool.
07:35And if you can't, there's so many options, honestly.
07:38Yeah.
07:38Like the Maldives is not the only option that there is if you want to go on a beach holiday,
07:42right?
07:42For example.
07:44Yeah.
07:45Yeah.
07:45Yeah.
07:45That's why I think it all comes down to choosing your friends, right?
07:49If, for example, they want to do expensive things and you still want to hang out with them,
07:53you can always just propose, hey, but I don't really have money this time around.
07:56I'm a bit tight this month.
07:58Can we do something a bit cheaper?
07:59Maybe there's like a certain level of embarrassment that comes with actually saying that.
08:03Yeah.
08:04I guess so.
08:05But I would then say if, I mean, my next point to that was that if you feel embarrassed for not being able to afford it,
08:13or if you feel embarrassed or they make fun of you because of the car you have compared to theirs, then...
08:19Those are not your friends.
08:20Exactly.
08:20Is that really the right kind of friends you want to hang around, right?
08:23Yeah.
08:23Yeah.
08:23I think that's the important distinction here.
08:26Because if they were really your friends, right?
08:28If someone grew up with you, let's say, from childhood and they really understood you,
08:32I doubt they'll be like, oh, you know, if you can't afford this, then, you know, what are you doing?
08:38You know, aren't you working?
08:39Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
08:40And like, just piggybacking on that as well.
08:43I actually knew someone, like, I don't really know him anymore, but a couple of years back,
08:49he lives quite like a simple life.
08:53He doesn't really have, like, a full-time job.
08:57He has, like, a part-time job.
08:59And he was a part of a group of friends who, they were, like, finance bros.
09:05They were, yeah, they were in, like, crypto or they were in consultancy.
09:10So they could afford a lot more.
09:16And he obviously just could not afford to do some of the things that they wanted to do.
09:22Yep.
09:23And it got to the point where, like, his friends would actually pay for a lot of the things that...
09:31For him?
09:32Yeah, for him.
09:33And I personally started feeling like as though he started taking advantage of that.
09:40Ah.
09:40Because at first, they were just paying for meals.
09:44Mm-hmm.
09:44Again, just really, like, simple stuff, you know.
09:47Like, b'lunche lah, b'lunche makken.
09:49Yep.
09:49But then eventually, they started paying for flight tickets.
09:53Mm-hmm.
09:53And that's what I started finding out about.
09:54They were paying for flight tickets, paying for train tickets.
09:58And then whenever, so his group of friends didn't live in KL.
10:03Mm-hmm.
10:04And whenever he wanted to go visit them in London.
10:10Yeah.
10:11They would pay for all of that.
10:13Okay.
10:14And he would stay with them.
10:15And the thing is, he wouldn't stay for, like, a week.
10:17He would stay for, like, a month.
10:19A lot of them.
10:19Okay.
10:20Two months.
10:21Yeah.
10:22That's crazy.
10:22And essentially not contribute to their rent, like, whatsoever.
10:27And he would do this multiple times a year.
10:29And they were fine with it?
10:30They were just...
10:31No, they weren't fine with it.
10:32But, again, it had accumulated.
10:34Like, they had been, I guess, putting in a little...
10:39I mean, doing these, like, simple little things along the way as the years go by.
10:44And then eventually it just became...
10:46It just grew and grew and grew into that.
10:49Yeah.
10:49And I remember I did say, like, hey, you know, if you can't afford it, then, like, don't do it.
10:57Or don't go.
10:58Or, like, you know, like, why do you have to go to London?
11:01Yeah.
11:02I get what you mean.
11:03Yeah.
11:04And he was just like, well, I mean, they're willing.
11:08They're offering.
11:09Yeah.
11:09And I'm like, how can you, like, take advantage of that kindness?
11:16Maybe, okay, the first, you know, time, second time.
11:19But, like, for me as well, it's like, how do you...
11:22After a certain point, like, how can you ask for them to, you know, finance?
11:27Essentially, like, fund your life.
11:30Yep.
11:31You're asking for help to fund a life that you currently don't have the means to have.
11:37Yep.
11:38So, just to keep up with your friends.
11:40Yeah.
11:41I mean, I completely agree.
11:42I feel like if it was, let's say, bachelor's party, one-off, and one person can't afford it,
11:46and, okay, fine, we'll help you change it, and then it's fine.
11:49Totally.
11:50It's a one-off thing.
11:50But if it gets to a consistent thing, I mean, one is, like you said, they are taking advantage
11:54of other people.
11:55But number two, even if, let's say, your friends are willing to pay for all of these kind of things,
12:01you'll get accustomed to that lifestyle.
12:03And when you're not with them, how can you then suddenly, you know, how can you go from
12:07fine dining, lunch with my friends, to dinner at, you know, gerai tepi jalan?
12:13Yeah.
12:13You know, your whole lifestyle sort of goes up artificially, not from your own income
12:19or from your own cash flow, whatever it is, it's from other people, yeah.
12:23Yeah.
12:23So, in the end of the day, it won't be sustainable, right?
12:25Yeah.
12:26Yeah.
12:27I mean, yeah, I thought that that was something that was really scary, but, yeah, that particular
12:31person and that particular group of friends, that's just how they function like that for,
12:36like, quite a few years now.
12:39And is it still ongoing?
12:41I don't actually know.
12:43I don't actually know if it's ongoing, but I hope, I hope that it's not ongoing because,
12:50like, really simply put, and it might sound really, like, crass to say, but that's just,
12:56like, leech behavior, right?
12:57Like, you know, you have friends who are kind enough to, you know, buy things for you here
13:04and there, but then, because you're, essentially, you've set yourself up for failure, right?
13:10Yeah.
13:10Like you said, artificially created this lifestyle for yourself that you can't even sustain.
13:16Like, having that peer pressure, it's just that that particular dynamic, his friends
13:21were, like, willing to fund that, yeah, that lifestyle, so.
13:27That's probably a one-off though.
13:28I think for most people, I would say, don't get pushed into it and then pay for it yourself
13:32if you can't afford it, right?
13:33Yeah, absolutely.
13:34So, I guess, in that vein then, how do we stay away from, like, all of that?
13:39How can we budget for ourselves without, I guess, sacrificing too much on our social life?
13:48Because, like, I think it is important to have a social life of some sort.
13:52For sure, I agree, yeah.
13:53Yeah, work hard, you know, play hard.
13:55Yeah.
13:56Not work hard, play harder.
13:57I don't agree with work hard, play harder, but work hard, play hard, right?
14:00You got to reward yourself and...
14:03I mean, social life is still super important, right?
14:05Yeah, super important.
14:05There's no point just working.
14:06I always say, there's no point working, saving, and sacrificing so much for the future.
14:11Yeah.
14:11And then foregoing everything now.
14:13I just don't think it's worth it.
14:13You have to find that better.
14:13Just, like, being miserable for, like, 30 years.
14:15Yeah, exactly.
14:16And then after 30 years, you're like, what am I going to do now?
14:18I have no friends.
14:19I don't know how to do anything.
14:20Yeah.
14:20So, I guess finding that balance is all about priority.
14:23So, how much you want to allocate towards entertainment, leisure, hanging out with friends, social life,
14:28it's completely up to you.
14:28It depends on how much you prioritize it, right?
14:31Some people will say, hey, my friends are all very chill.
14:35Our sessions are very cheap, so I don't have to put too much budget there.
14:37Whereas, if you know that your friends like to spend a lot, then you have to think,
14:41are you willing to sacrifice other things to keep up with them?
14:44For example, maybe spend less on food, eat cheaper on normal working days, stop drinking coffee, right?
14:50All these things.
14:51It's all about prioritizing, you know, where you allocate your mind towards.
14:55Yeah.
14:56And I think, like, something that's really important as well is to just be, like, honest with your friends.
15:01You shouldn't feel embarrassed if you can't afford, like, a particular, I don't know, like,
15:07a weekend getaway, you know, for that particular month.
15:10I think that's a conversation that's worth having with your friends.
15:12And I hope that your friends don't judge you as well for not being able to go on that holiday
15:17or go for that event or whatever have you, right?
15:22Yep, yep, yep.
15:22And if they judge you, then...
15:24Find another group of friends.
15:25That's it, that's it, that's it.
15:27Anyway, so there are some stories that I want to get into already.
15:33So, the first one is...
15:37Every week after work, my colleagues would ask,
15:40Do you want to go to work?
15:41Okay.
15:42I didn't want to be the odd one out, so I always said yes.
15:45First, it was dinner, then dessert, then karaoke, all in one night.
15:50By the end of the month, I checked my banking app and nearly fainted.
15:53600 ringgit gone just from Lepa Sessions.
15:56Okay.
15:57That was more than half my rent.
15:59I realized I was spending more to keep up appearances than for my own enjoyment.
16:02And these days, I still hang out, but I plan ahead.
16:05If I know I've got one big night out, I skip the other small outings.
16:08Sometimes, I even suggest cheaper options like potluck at someone's house.
16:13Surprisingly, my friends were relieved as well.
16:15Turns out, I wasn't the only one feeling the pinch.
16:18What's a polite way to say no to friends without feeling guilty?
16:21And how can you set limits without killing the fun?
16:23Okay.
16:24Okay.
16:24Honestly, when it comes to how to say no without feeling guilty, I don't know.
16:29Maybe you can answer that.
16:29I'm not sure.
16:30But I would say, don't be afraid to say no.
16:34Yeah.
16:35I think a lot of people feel, I don't know, guilt or, you know, you feel like a party pooper
16:39by saying no.
16:40But if you can't afford it, I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with saying no.
16:44Yeah.
16:44You know, if you really can't do it, just say no.
16:46I don't know how to say it politely.
16:48Yeah.
16:48No.
16:49No.
16:49Just say no.
16:50Yeah.
16:51I mean, I'm also, I mean, just looking at the story as well, just because you can't
16:57do it this like particular month doesn't mean that you can't do it next month or like
17:01the month after.
17:02If you know that, okay, you and your friends want to go on like a trip, then like save in
17:07advance.
17:07Like it doesn't have to happen there and then.
17:09Right.
17:10So it may not be a solid no.
17:12It's just a no for now.
17:14Right.
17:14Yeah.
17:15Actually, that's a really good point.
17:18So I have this friend.
17:19Okay, fine.
17:20I have been playing golf and I have this friend who is a bit more of a fresh grad, I guess.
17:24And sometimes I'll be like, hey, let's go to the course this weekend.
17:26It's like, yeah, sure.
17:27Let's do it.
17:28And then during the week, I'll be like, hey, let's go to the range.
17:30And he'd be like, you know, if you want me to go to the course this weekend, then I
17:34can't go to the range because I need to save money for that.
17:36So I think that approach is right.
17:38And you don't have to say yes to everything.
17:39Yeah.
17:40Just like you said.
17:40Yeah.
17:40Yeah, exactly.
17:41And yeah, it may be a no for now, but like it might be a no.
17:45It might be a yes like next week or the week after that.
17:48So there isn't any need to like feel that FOMO.
17:51And also if you discuss like with your friends, right?
17:53Like, hey, you know, like there's just been a lot going on recently.
17:58Like why don't we all just like chill like this week and then like we go again next week.
18:02Honestly, I think that's cool.
18:05Yeah, that's cool.
18:05That's cool.
18:06Alrighty.
18:07Second story.
18:07When my uni friends planned a short trip, I didn't want to be left behind.
18:12They were all excited and I didn't want to be the only one saying no.
18:15So I went along swiping my card for hotels, transport, food and activities.
18:21By the time I came home, the trip had cost me almost 900 ringgit.
18:25Okay.
18:25Instead of feeling refreshed, I came back broke, anxious and dreading the next credit card bill.
18:31Now I've learned to be honest.
18:32If I can't afford a trip, I just tell my friends up front.
18:36Sometimes I suggest alternatives like like a local day trip or just a picnic.
18:41True friends will understand.
18:42And honestly, the memories matter more than the fancy than the fancy hotels or Instagram shots.
18:47Yeah.
18:47How do you decide which social events or trips are worth spending on and which ones to skip?
18:52Oh, that's a good one.
18:53Yeah.
18:53Because to me, it's like, I think they're all worth it.
18:59I think this one is again, it's a personal.
19:01Yeah, it's a personal preference.
19:02It really depends on what you guys.
19:04And also like, how often are you guys going on holiday?
19:07Like you've got to prioritize like which ones.
19:10I mean, if you're going on holiday like once a month or like once every two months, then
19:13you've got to like evaluate your entire life just too much.
19:16Yeah.
19:17Yeah.
19:18But I feel like even with this, just based on the story, right?
19:20They said they went on holiday and then now they're 900 bucks in the hole because they
19:23didn't want to say no.
19:24I think, first of all, it's good.
19:26It's just 900 bucks.
19:27Like it's not the end of the world.
19:29You can recover from that, make sacrifices for the next three months or whatever.
19:34I mean, it depends.
19:34If it's 900 ringgit to bantong, then you've messed up.
19:38You've paid what you think.
19:38You've really messed up.
19:40Yeah.
19:41But I feel like with these things, I mean, surely you would know in advance, right?
19:45You would know in advance.
19:46So just start saving towards it.
19:47Yeah.
19:48Or start having a separate fund for your holidays.
19:50If you know that your friends like to do these things, just set a separate fund.
19:53Always be prepared for it rather than, you know, live your life like normal without any
19:57savings.
19:58And then when you want friends on holiday, you're like, oh, I've got to swipe my card,
20:01you know?
20:02You can always just plan these things ahead.
20:03No, absolutely.
20:04I'm going on a trip with my friend to China next year.
20:10And yeah, I've just been saving for it, even though it's like next year.
20:16Um, I'm also not the kind of person to sort of like do like a spontaneous, like girl's
20:21trip to like Bangkok, you know, like in two weeks time, like I don't do that.
20:26Um, and honestly, if I was offered that, you know, going for like a trip to Bangkok in
20:32like two weeks or like planning a trip to China and like next year, I would take that trip
20:36to China next year for sure.
20:39Because I think that's something that is an experience that's almost irreplaceable.
20:43Whereas like that two week, you know, that trip to Bangkok in two weeks time or whatever,
20:48it just sounds, it just feels like just like a weekend getaway and that weekend getaway
20:51doesn't have to be in Bangkok.
20:54You know, if you still want to do a weekend getaway, you can do one within the country
20:58or, um, yeah, uh, you can find like an alternative, right?
21:03Do like a staycation or like whatever.
21:05But like, yeah, like my trip to China, that's worth it to me.
21:11That's worth it to me.
21:11There we go with prioritization, right?
21:12I think it's impossible for, I can't tell you which one is more important, right?
21:16So it's completely up to you guys.
21:19You just got to decide for yourself and then stick to your budget, right?
21:22Of course, if you can afford both, go for it.
21:24But if you can't, then you got to decide which one's more important to you.
21:27Alrighty.
21:27Well, before we wrap things up, I suppose, like, um, yeah, do you have any, like, last
21:34pieces of advice and like, um, yeah, how to deal with friends and how to deal with balancing
21:41that, like, fun aspect and like your finances?
21:45Yeah.
21:45It's really responsible.
21:46Yeah.
21:46I think, I guess just to wrap it all up.
21:48Um, first of all, like I said, I think social life is important to me.
21:52It's one of the best ways to spend your money.
21:56Um, but you also need to be realistic, you know, with your budget, right?
22:00It really depends on how much you're earning, how much you can afford to spend and don't
22:04be afraid to say no, right?
22:05You don't have to say yes to everything.
22:07You can just say no.
22:08If you feel like your friends are being a bit too pushy or if you feel like they are spending
22:12a bit too much, just speak to them about it.
22:14Most of the times I would say they probably would understand where you're coming from.
22:17And if you don't, or if they don't, then find new friends.
22:20They're probably not good for you.
22:22Right.
22:23Cool.
22:23Thanks, Jasmine.
22:24Nice talking to you.
22:25I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and I hope you guys don't get too tempted by your
22:28friends to take that trip every single month.
22:31See you guys in the next one.
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