How Are You It's Alan (Partridge) Season 1 Episode 2

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Transcript

00:00One that flows from the teats of this wonderful beast.

00:03The glorious kingdom of Saudi Arabia

00:05enjoys a thriving camel milk sector,

00:08with products including milk, cheese, yoghurt,

00:11gelato, leban, and other derivatives.

00:14I've tried them all, and I can tell you

00:16they really are delicious. Cheers.

00:22That kind of thing? Go again?

00:24I'll do as many as you like until I have pleased you.

00:26I spent 12 months in Saudi

00:28fronting everything from Happy Birthday Crown Prince

00:31to today at the Riyadh Stock Exchange.

00:33But far from selling my mouth to the highest bidder,

00:35I talk because it makes me feel good.

00:38Which makes me wonder,

00:40could talking be the key to better mental health?

00:43Welcome to How Are You?

00:46It's Alan Partridge.

00:49How are you?

00:53The final, then, of the year nine 200 meters,

00:55Naismith, Velocottsin, John Atwell, Wu, and Douglas Hyde.

01:00In this series, I'm exploring the mental health of the nation

01:03in association with Flench & Son tanning centres.

01:06Today I'm lending my commentary skills

01:09to the annual sports gala at All Hallows School in Norfolk.

01:12The borders here come from a long line of stiff upper lips,

01:15and I'm wondering, has not talking about their problems

01:19ever done them any harm?

01:21Good to see a few handshakes,

01:22the firm grip of beautifully brought-up boys.

01:24When they tame their marks, of course, the conviviality ends.

01:27The school motto,

01:28triumphant et invictus, never being more pertinent,

01:32Latin for triumphant and unconquered,

01:34which some see as a bit hateful,

01:36but you don't produce the leaders of tomorrow

01:38with mottos about being kind and helpful to people you don't know.

01:42And they take their marks,

01:44the year nine 200 meter dash,

01:46sponsored by Hibiscus Wealth Management,

01:48shaping dreams, securing futures.

01:51Lesser schools use a klaxon.

01:53Here, of course, we're allowed to use a starting pistol,

01:55safe in the knowledge,

01:57but they won't fall into the wrong hands

01:59and be used to hold up a post office and they're off!

02:01All these boys racing with each other,

02:03but they've already won the race of life

02:04by going to a fee-paying school.

02:05Douglas Hyde in the lead.

02:06Douglas Hyde looks about 25 years old,

02:08obviously post pubescent.

02:09Nothing wrong with that.

02:10Douglas Hyde wins the race.

02:11For the boys,

02:12it's a chance to both strive for sporting excellence

02:15and glimpse parents they've not seen since the Easter holidays.

02:18Parents who've worked up a thirst

02:20do pay a visit to the champagne tent,

02:23sponsored by Jupiter Asset Management,

02:25recruiting the best and brightest for a better tomorrow.

02:29And anyone who thinks that sounds a bit stuffy,

02:32let me tell you there'll also be a live performance

02:35from five-piece school rock band Riot Shield,

02:39and they'll be performing in the Benjamin Britten Music Centre.

02:43Some see boarding school as a way of subcontracting parenting

02:46to strangers, and whilst that's literally true,

02:49what do you rather have?

02:50A mopey Joe traipsing round the house,

02:52leaving the lids off jars,

02:54or a well-connected asset who adds value to the family?

02:57Ask them what they feel,

02:59and I'm sure they'll say that feelings are something

03:01to lock in a tiffin box under the bed,

03:03along with biscuits and letters from Mum.

03:05No, they do just fine with their stiff upper lips.

03:08Our country's future is safe

03:10in the hands of these wonderful fee-paying boys.

03:13Cheers!

03:14Cheers!

03:15And how dare their parents be made to pay VAT!

03:20Personally, I love to talk,

03:22whether it's to an audience of millions,

03:24or an audience of one.

03:25Here I am recording personalised messages for fans.

03:28Happy 49th birthday, Penelope!

03:31What a day!

03:32To get your decree nysi from your divorce

03:34and planning permission for your barn conversion

03:36on the same day, gotta be sweet!

03:39Hello, Sheila!

03:40I know you can't be here,

03:41but Brian's told me to show you the chickens.

03:43There's a ginger one pecking at my toe.

03:45Look at that.

03:46There's a sort of tan one.

03:48Okay.

03:49That's it.

03:51A hundred quid.

03:53It's a nice little earner,

03:54but what's interesting is how willing people are

03:56to talk about almost any subject apart from mental health.

04:00So what does the data say?

04:02In a fascinating study by Pairtree Analytics,

04:05when asked if they found it hard to talk about their problems,

04:0875% said they did.

04:1012% said they didn't know,

04:12which is a pointless answer.

04:14And Norfolk is more affected than most

04:16with farmers feeling the least able to open up.

04:19But then who want to spend an afternoon talking to a farmer?

04:24And yet the view among psychologists

04:26is that only if we learn to talk

04:28can we address the mental health problems that dog us.

04:31To learn more, I've come to Norwich Cathedral.

04:33I adore Norwich Cathedral.

04:35The Dean rarely grants permission to film here,

04:37but I've been given special dispensation

04:39because I'm both a proud patron

04:41and the voice of the visitor's audio guide.

04:43A far cry from modern churches

04:45which look more like shoe shops or spaceships.

04:47One of several local attractions to feature my voice.

04:50Get out of the way.

04:51Including a fleet of grocery vans

04:53and the lift at Norwich Library.

04:55Second floor.

04:56Which went less well

04:57due to a milkshake repeating on me in the booth.

05:00But I'm not here to educate sightseers.

05:03I've come to learn about the language of mental health.

05:06And in Dr. Marion Boyle,

05:08I'll be talking to an actual expert

05:10rather than just a confident person with a podcast.

05:13Dr. Marion.

05:14Thanks so much, Van.

05:16Shush!

05:17You're glaring at me,

05:18but I'm not being rude

05:19because that's the name of your new book, isn't it?

05:21That's right.

05:22It's called Shush!

05:23Finding Placid Amid the Noise and the Haste.

05:25And it's really just an exploration

05:27into our mental health and our well-being.

05:30Yes, because mental health can mean different things

05:32to different people, can't it?

05:33From anxiety disorders right through to dissociative conditions

05:36such as paranoid schizophrenia.

05:37Well, that's a very good way of putting it.

05:39Well, thank you.

05:40I've got it off the internet.

05:41We should be looking after our minds

05:43in the same way that we look after our bodies.

05:45If you have indigestion, you can pop a Rennie.

05:48But when it comes to this,

05:50you can't just go to the bathroom cabinet,

05:52take out some mental cream and rub it on your head.

05:55Well, no, of course.

05:56But what we do have is antidepressants.

05:58Oh, yeah, I've forgotten about those.

05:59Are they any good?

06:00Well, they can be.

06:01But, of course, you do make a very good point.

06:02Cheers.

06:03Which is that up until recently,

06:05some of the language surrounding mental health and wellbeing

06:08hasn't always been very helpful.

06:10What were once medical terms

06:11are now words you would only ever use

06:13to a learner driver.

06:14Imbecile.

06:15Lunatic.

06:16And up until very recently,

06:18we used to use the word idiot as a clinical term.

06:21I mean, it's horrific to think that a GP

06:24could have called you into his surgery,

06:26sat you down and said,

06:27the results have come back.

06:28They're not what we would have hoped.

06:30There's no easy way of putting this,

06:32but I'm sorry to have to tell you,

06:33you're an idiot.

06:35Of course, and that's why the terminology

06:36is so, so important.

06:38OCD, ADHD, bipolar,

06:41and it is just to get rid of that stigma,

06:43if you like.

06:44Absolutely, and not before time.

06:45Time was when OCD would be house-proud or fussy.

06:49ADHD would have been ants in the pants.

06:52Bipolar disorder would have been moody.

06:55When my assistant has her panic attacks,

06:57I think most people would say she's flapping or in the tis.

07:02Do you mind me saying that you don't blink?

07:05It had been a useful meeting with the doctor,

07:07even though I later found out her book was self-published

07:10and she'd got her degree

07:11from the University of Central Lancashire.

07:15How are you?

07:19So that's the theory.

07:21But does talking really help us surmount problems?

07:24Time to put it to the test in a familiar high-stress situation.

07:28What you're about to watch is a controlled experiment.

07:30I'm with my assistant.

07:32She's an unskilled worker in her early 70s

07:34in the middle to low-income bracket.

07:37She's of sound mind, in good health,

07:39and not under the influence of any prescription medication,

07:42apart from something for IBS and cod liver oil

07:45as a rear-guard action against arthritis.

07:48But nothing for anxiety.

07:50We both agreed we wouldn't want to compromise her concentration.

07:57Relax your jaw.

07:58My assistant, whose driving style is best described as flustered hesitancy,

08:02will be taking the short drive into Norwich twice.

08:04Down into second.

08:05The first with me talking about the flaws in her driving,

08:07the second in silence.

08:08Don't punch your teeth.

08:11Which will prove fastest.

08:17Easy, easy tiger.

08:19Yeah, that wasn't bad, was it?

08:21Easy.

08:22You're a little too heavy on the throttle,

08:24a little too heavy on the brake.

08:26You do suffer from pedal panic, Lynn.

08:28That's the thing.

08:29Remember, it's a three-pedal dance.

08:31Be in harmony with the car.

08:32The Japanese have a word for it,

08:34but I can't remember what it is.

08:36You can pop her into third, if you want.

08:39I was just doing that.

08:41You're panicking, Lynn.

08:43Breathe.

08:44You're allowed to breathe.

08:46Wrong lane.

08:47Sometimes I feel like I'm a driving examiner, you know.

08:51When I want you to do an emergency stop,

08:53I will tap the dashboard.

08:54Wait!

08:55What the f*** are you doing?

08:57After a frank exchange of views and a muttered apology,

09:00we continued the drive and reached Norwich.

09:02This time, rather than expressing myself,

09:08I'll be keeping silent and comparing the difference.

09:12And while the atmosphere was markedly more frosty,

09:15what would it mean for her time?

09:18Oh, that's interesting.

09:19The drive had been quicker than when I'd been providing guidance,

09:22but that may have been just her trying to make a point,

09:24which sadly voids the experiment.

09:26What the f*** is she doing?

09:31How are you?

09:37In 2023, I sunk a large portion of my savings

09:40into a start-up that generates AI video.

09:46Yet, prompted to show Alan Partridge in a yurt with Carol Vorderman,

09:50or Alan Partridge flies a jetpack over Norfolk,

09:53the results are incredibly poor.

09:55The company whose software struggles to animate movement

09:57and is unable to do hands

09:59was named one to watch

10:01in the business pages of the Norwich Gazette.

10:04But AI is a useful metaphor for what each of us do in our own lives,

10:08artificially generating different versions of ourselves

10:11to pass off as the real thing.

10:13There's Business Alan.

10:14Tough Alan.

10:16Sexy Alan.

10:17Grandad Alan.

10:18Beefy Alan.

10:19Cool Alan.

10:20Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, and there are more Alans.

10:28At home with my neighbour and lover Katrina, I tend to be laid back, Alan,

10:33shooting the breeze at my tripedal breakfast bar and helping out where I can.

10:37If you're filling your car up later, can you do mine as well?

10:40You want me to drive my car to a petrol station and then do the same with yours?

10:45Might as well.

10:46Yeah, I'm there anyway, aren't I?

10:48But you'll have to go back tonight.

10:49Leave it.

10:50But to get to the heart of who we really are, experts say the key is to talk about our feelings.

10:56So how do we do it?

10:58For taciturn, emotionally stunted people, e.g. from Eton or Scotland,

11:04speaking about your emotions can be a daunting experience.

11:07One useful exercise is to talk about something else,

11:11be it cookery or soccer or the Second World War.

11:14After time, you'll develop a muscle memory for chat,

11:17at which point you can jump off and tell people why you're so fed up.

11:21One man I know went from speaking about cathedrals to his erectile dysfunction in about four minutes,

11:27and that's the quickest I've seen it done.

11:29To try this idea out, I'm heading to a book group,

11:32although I've arrived slightly late because the woman now showing me in gave me the wrong postcode.

11:36Hello, everyone.

11:37Joining our group just for today.

11:39While men enjoy reading books, women enjoy talking about them.

11:43It's a sociable and collegiate way to boost their well-being while finding out if they like the book they've just read.

11:48This week, Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan.

11:51No relation to Kevin, which I skim read in the car.

11:54She wrong-foots you, though, doesn't she?

11:57Like, showing the brutality of the Magdalene laundries through the eyes of a man.

12:03I thought, hmm, I'm not sure about that.

12:05Bit of a bold choice.

12:07Fabra's bold.

12:08I did think there was a sweetness to it, though.

12:10The Christmas bit where they're decorating the...

12:12Tree.

12:13No, it's the cake.

12:14It is the cake.

12:15I just wanted to reach into the book and hug her.

12:18Felt like Bridget Jones, but turbocharged.

12:23Yeah, probably what you meant to say is Bridget Jones, but supercharged rather than turbocharged,

12:29because that way you eliminate the turbo lag.

12:32But I absolutely get the gist of what you ladies are trying to say.

12:35I know you're not a lady.

12:36You understood what I meant, didn't you?

12:38Yeah, turbo lag.

12:39Turbo lag, precisely, yeah.

12:41To my surprise, I found talking about books immensely enjoyable,

12:45and I soon found myself fully engaged despite the fact that it had been a long day.

12:49I think it's more of a novella than a novel, but all the same, I didn't feel shortchanged.

12:53Pardon me?

12:55You're absolutely right there, Susan.

12:57I would agree.

12:57I felt it was...

12:58Well, these bookworms might look like they're just discussing novels,

13:02but a regular attendee will see a different dynamic at play.

13:05One in which Cynthia gets to flex the grey matter,

13:08which lies dormant when she's around her estate agent husband,

13:12and Susan gets to forget all about her drink-drive conviction,

13:15in which a police horse died.

13:16And, yeah, she's doing fine.

13:22What do you do in a woman's book group?

13:24I just haven't read this.

13:26It's a great book.

13:27You read it?

13:28Yeah.

13:28It's good.

13:29It's a good book.

13:30Yeah.

13:30So what are we going to read next week, do you think, guys?

13:41Do you have any suggestions?

13:43Yes.

13:43Ice Station Zebra by Alistair MacLean.

13:45It's about a Russian submarine with nuclear warheads

13:49hidden beneath the polar ice caps.

13:51And you think, that's crazy.

13:53But it was later discovered that there was a Soviet submarine

13:58hidden beneath the polar ice caps with nuclear warheads.

14:02And so you think, well, did Alistair MacLean predict the future,

14:05or did the Russians read Ice Station Zebra and think,

14:08let's do, that's a good idea.

14:10Yeah, but when you think about how the Soviets nearly destroyed

14:16the world, it makes a shiver go down your spine.

14:19But does it make a shiver go down your women's spines?

14:22I relished the chance to talk, but the important thing about

14:25any social event is knowing just the right time to leave.

14:28You all right?

14:29Yeah, I just think if you're going to run a book group,

14:31you have a moral duty to tell people you're going to provide

14:35white wine so they don't turn up with an empty stomach.

14:38Well, you know, just do some sandwiches.

14:40Stupid burglars.

14:43How are you?

14:49But what if talking isn't the answer?

14:51What if the best way to process your feelings

14:53isn't to be grown up about it, but to do the opposite?

14:57After all, children don't sit around talking about their feelings,

15:00yet you don't see depressed eight-year-olds staring at women

15:03in hotel bars.

15:05Instead, they play.

15:07To explore this further, I've come to the estate I grew up on,

15:11where childhood friend Jez Chaudry, who's thinking about getting

15:14a bigger house number, has agreed to spend the afternoon with me

15:17for the fee.

15:18They say, show me a seven-year-old boy, and I'll show you the man.

15:28Although there's got to be a better way of phrasing that.

15:31That man was me, and I wanted to rediscover him.

15:34And so we set off on vintage cycles, hired in an ironic way by Shoreditch

15:40millennials, but which we were able to enjoy at face value.

15:43I was keen to reminisce about the freedom and hijinks of our salad days,

15:47but in the end couldn't, because Jez wanted to tell me about how

15:50interesting his job was.

15:51I'm in digital marketing for Pfizer.

15:54Yeah, I love it.

15:54Yeah, I've got a great team.

15:56Licensed to develop digital marketing strategy,

15:58but also individual campaigns.

16:00When he was a child, he wanted to be an astronaut.

16:03But maybe the happiness I experienced when I was seven

16:05exists only in my mind.

16:08In fact, life wasn't always rosy.

16:10I was punched on three occasions outside a chip shop

16:12by a 13-year-old girl.

16:14I think this is her now.

16:16Or this.

16:17Do you remember Mickey has stabilisers on his bike

16:21even when he was 12?

16:23Softie.

16:24Mickey.

16:25Yeah.

16:26He still lives around here.

16:27Yeah?

16:29Yeah.

16:29So did Bill Pinson.

16:30He's gone now.

16:31Quite a few of our cars have gone now.

16:33Yeah.

16:33There was about six of them in a row.

16:35It was cancer, cancer, stroke, cancer, suicide, choked.

16:41Yeah.

16:43I think Bill just fell over, didn't he?

16:44Oh, you heard about that?

16:45Yeah.

16:45I was invited to the funeral, but it clashed

16:47with the National TV Awards, so...

16:50Wow, you were in the National TV Awards?

16:52No, I was just watching it on TV, but, yeah.

16:55It's a shame, because he was a nice guy.

16:57Big heart.

16:58Yeah, big heart, big portions.

17:01Jess, do you ever look back on those days

17:03and think, you know, maybe we were happier then?

17:05Sometimes, yeah.

17:07Lying on grass where sunlight dapples,

17:10enjoying apples and boyish grapples

17:12on those forever afternoons.

17:14That's really nice, so...

17:16Grazy knees and rows of cheek,

17:19we'd ride our bikes up to the creek.

17:22Trousers short, but days so long

17:24on those forever afternoons.

17:29Then Bill said bye,

17:30but why, we cry.

17:32Tis late, Bill sighed,

17:33but soon we'll ride on another forever afternoon.

17:36A few minutes more, oh, let's explore

17:39till ten past four

17:41when bums are sore

17:42on this forever afternoon.

17:44And when next we came to call on Bill,

17:47his mother's eyes began to fill.

17:49Where's Bill, said I?

17:52She began to sigh.

17:55Bill went off to die.

17:58But why?

17:59Because 50 years went by.

18:02Oh, what we'd give

18:03to see Bill live.

18:05We'd knock on doors,

18:07then ride in fours,

18:08pedals without a cause,

18:10one more forever afternoon.

18:13Oh, shit, I don't know why I wrote it.

18:15You're just going to leave that there?

18:17No, I'll pick it up.

18:18But no recreation of the good old days

18:21would be complete

18:21without our other childhood friend,

18:23Mickey Allsop.

18:24You all right?

18:25Yeah, I'm fine.

18:26I was doing a wheelie.

18:27This is the wrong house.

18:29I think it's this one.

18:30Yeah, I know.

18:43Hello, Mrs. Allsop.

18:45Uh, is Mickey in?

18:47He's in the other room.

18:48Oh, right.

18:50Is he watching TV?

18:52He's doing his account.

18:54Of course you're his wife.

18:56Okay, tell him we'll be, uh,

18:58down on the green if he's got, uh,

19:00wants to join us in about half an hour.

19:02It's just a, it's just sort of a reunion.

19:05Yeah, tell him to where he's trained us.

19:07Thanks.

19:09And so, for a fleeting moment,

19:11we were seven again,

19:12when the dreams we had as children

19:14were still possible.

19:16Maybe you will join NASA.

19:18Maybe you should become the chairman of ICI.

19:22Maybe you can marry your cousin.

19:24I've been waiting for so long

19:28So going out and sing the song

19:32Oh, don't crack up

19:35Bet you're afraid

19:37Steve on starts

19:39Throw up your mental train

19:43So, uh, what do you want to do now?

19:49Well, we were just saying

19:50we might go for a pint

19:51if you fancy joining us

19:52I'm not sure

19:53I might cycle around a bit more

19:54Heard some lads saying

19:55they were building a ramp

19:57Might go and check it out

19:58Oh, if you change your mind

19:59Nah

20:00How are your parents?

20:02They're both dead

20:03Ah, yeah

20:04And yours?

20:05Same

20:05Yeah, mine too

20:06See ya

20:07But one last forever afternoon

20:11had made me realise

20:13not only that I should make my poem

20:14Song for the Biker Boys

20:16available as a free download

20:17for private schools

20:19but also that reaching out

20:21and talking

20:21have brought me real mental health benefits

20:24And now, having found my voice

20:29I'm going to use it for good

20:31I'm going to take that voice

20:32and put it into the mouth

20:33of someone who needs it

20:34more than I do

20:35a woman

20:36Because for too long

20:37people like me

20:38have put the men into mental

20:40and the he into health

20:42Well, not anymore

20:43I've had my run-ins with Mumsnet

20:46but it remains a great way

20:48to find women with a grievance

20:49While browsing one day

20:51I was touched by the story

20:52of a woman dismissed by her employer

20:54when she'd raised her mental concerns

20:55So I arranged to meet her

20:57in some remote woodland

20:58Leona

21:00I want to take you back

21:02to a very painful time

21:03It's summer 2023

21:05Britain is sweltering

21:07in record temperatures

21:08HS2 has just been cancelled

21:10correctly

21:10in my view

21:11Why would you want to get

21:12to the north quicker?

21:13And for Leona Maguire

21:15that's you

21:15you've just landed

21:17your dream job

21:18as an administrator

21:19for CXG Technologies

21:21Tell me what happened

21:22Well, I'm not a very loud person

21:25So

21:25Just do speak up a little

21:26I'm not very outgoing

21:28and they were very demanding

21:29They were sort of

21:30that ex-public school type

21:32very sort of

21:33full of themselves

21:34And I imagine

21:35for a quiet woman

21:36like you

21:36and you are quiet

21:37really quiet

21:38I can imagine

21:40that abrasive

21:41underqualified

21:43overconfident

21:44I want to say

21:45twattery

21:46must have been

21:47quite overwhelming

21:48Well, yeah

21:49I started to struggle

21:50with anxiety

21:51and then I

21:52missed the odd day

21:53and of course

21:53the bosses didn't like that

21:54They do try and speak up

21:56OK, sorry

21:56and then

21:57they gave me all these reasons

21:58but I just think

22:00that they couldn't be bothered

22:00with me

22:01And that's not on

22:02because

22:03I'm an employer

22:04I have staff

22:05and sometimes

22:06she's unwell

22:07or has a personal issue

22:09and obviously

22:09your first thought is

22:10oh great

22:11looks like I'm picking up

22:12my own dry cleaning then

22:13but as an employer

22:14you have a duty of care

22:16so you say

22:17alright, take the day off

22:18just come in early tomorrow

22:19to make up the time you lost

22:20but they didn't do that

22:21No, no

22:22they called me in

22:23and they told me

22:24that my services

22:25were no longer required

22:26even though

22:27the week before

22:28I had asked to speak

22:29to a counsellor

22:30And they definitely heard you

22:31Yeah

22:32but when I asked them

22:33if that was the reason why

22:35they didn't really elaborate

22:36Well, they're going to

22:37elaborate today, Leona

22:38because I'm going to

22:39bang some heads together

22:40In fact, I'm going to

22:41bang so many heads together

22:42it's going to be like

22:43human conkers

22:44You ready?

22:45I think so

22:45Alright, remember volume

22:46Do you have conkers in Ireland?

22:48OK, now this is your story

22:55Alright, so I'll go over there

22:57and pin them down

22:57and then you give that speech

22:59everything you said

23:00in that incredibly moving voicemail

23:02Oh, I wasn't sure that you got that

23:04Yeah, I just didn't reply

23:05OK, well

23:07the hardest thing was

23:09coming home with no job

23:10and telling my son

23:12that Disneyland had been cancelled

23:13OK, now make it personal

23:15Use his name

23:15What's his name?

23:16Taig

23:18Yes

23:18Yeah, don't use his name

23:19OK, well he's being very brave

23:21and

23:22No, no, don't say he's brave

23:23You're brave

23:24He's broken

23:25And what are you not going to do?

23:27Erm, speak quietly

23:29Pardon?

23:29Speak quietly

23:30What else aren't you going to do?

23:32Be bullied

23:33Finally!

23:35Time for the sting

23:36Wearing a hidden camera

23:38disguised as a standard dental brooch

23:40I'm infiltrating an investor open day

23:43And you're going to see

23:43why I set up this company

23:45A public showdown

23:46designed to achieve

23:47maximum embarrassment

23:48for this guy

23:49The man who sacked Leona

23:51smug CEO

23:52Craig Gardner

23:54Wearing what people like him

23:56call a gilet

23:57and people like me

23:58call a body warmer

24:00Within the next four years

24:01Maybe even sooner

24:02Just wanted to ask about

24:03the recently discontinued

24:04LM unit

24:05The LM unit

24:07Yeah, it was a multifunctional appliance

24:08just didn't realise

24:09it was disposable

24:10Now I'm not aware of the LM unit

24:12There's one over there

24:13Come on

24:14LM

24:15Leona Maguire

24:16OK, got it

24:17Yeah, you decommissioned the unit

24:18earlier this year

24:19Threw in a skip

24:20with a load of hard drives

24:21and the bottom half of a shop dummy

24:23Do you normally terminate

24:24people's employment

24:25without due process?

24:26Don't talk over me

24:27just because you went to public school

24:28You know, you may be able to

24:30drown out a timid woman

24:31with a thin voice

24:31Not so easy when it's a

24:32professional broadcaster, is it?

24:34We tried the switchboard already

24:35Her name is Leona Maguire

24:37You know who she is

24:38You see, I can talk

24:39I can listen at the same time

24:39It comes from having talk back in my eye

24:41while presenting live TV

24:42I can go on all afternoon

24:44Thank you

24:45You know, it doesn't matter

24:46how many fancy websites you have

24:48or high-tech computer backpacks

24:52or whatever it is

24:52It's a jet suit

24:53What, like a jet pack?

24:56We prefer to say jet suit

24:57Wow

24:58What?

25:00Can these actually fly?

25:02Yeah

25:02My son Tighe has been broken

25:06Yeah, she's a very brave woman

25:08Do you need specialist skills

25:09to operate it, or?

25:11You can pick it up

25:11in a couple of hours

25:12Huh

25:13What, me?

25:18A tete-a-tete with Leona

25:20confirmed what I already knew

25:22that this was something

25:23I had to do

25:24to give her story

25:25the hearing it deserved

25:26Now, do you think

25:27if I put on one of these

25:28so-called jet packs

25:29I'll help shine a light

25:30on people like you?

25:32I don't know

25:34Because I think it will

25:36I just don't see

25:38what that has to do

25:39Yeah, but otherwise

25:40all you've got is

25:40middle-aged woman

25:41gets the sack

25:42You introduce the jet pack

25:44and bam, you've got it

25:44You see?

25:46Do you see now

25:46how I'm trying to help you?

25:50Yeah

25:50Right, good

25:51Let's get the jet pack

25:52Okay

25:54Has Dan Snow had a go at this?

25:57No

25:57Good, good

25:58And Ben Fogle?

26:00No

26:00Great

26:01So if Fogle or Snow

26:03get in touch

26:04just delay getting back to them

26:05so that it doesn't actually happen

26:07Okay, I'm ready to fly

26:10And while my microphone

26:13may have caught

26:14some gentle exuberance

26:15women's mental health

26:16was never far from my mind

26:18That is absolutely awesome

26:27Absolutely awesome

26:30Oh, that's for these costs

26:35Can I tell you something?

26:37I'm definitely getting one of these

26:39Sell your house

26:44Sell the kids

26:45but get one before they ban it

26:47because I'll tell you what they say

26:48Yeah

26:48Producing throttle for controlled descent

26:55onto Range Rover Roof

26:57Ladder required

26:59Well, for Leona

27:01it's very much mission accomplished

27:02my flight drew attention

27:03to her plight

27:04in that regard

27:05very much

27:05a plight flight

27:06But it was whilst I was airborne

27:08flying like an eagle

27:10I realised

27:10the weightlessness I felt

27:12from jet propulsion

27:13was nothing compared

27:14to the weightlessness

27:15we all feel

27:16when we unburden ourselves

27:17let our feelings out

27:19Jesus

27:19and just talk

27:21Goodbye

27:21We'll see you next time

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