How Are You It's Alan (Partridge) Season 1 Episode 4

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Transcript

00:00I'm Alan Partridge, and in this series, sponsored by Flench & Son Tanning Centre,

00:04feel down, get brown, I'm exploring the mental health of the nation.

00:09This week, I'll be finding out what the great outdoors can do for our noggins,

00:13as I once again ask, how are you?

00:16It's Alan Partridge.

00:19I love to be outdoors.

00:22Back in Norwich, I'm often found pottering around making short videos for the tourist board

00:26using a 365-degree stick camera given to me during my time in Saudi Arabia

00:32by His Excellency the Crown Prince's chauffeur.

00:36I like to see wattle and daub buildings.

00:38To me, there's just something about the fresh air and the exercise.

00:41Hello. See you later. I hate these flowers.

00:44Seems to be good for the soul.

00:45Visited only upon terrorist suspects.

00:48And while the tourist board reserves the right to edit down my videos...

00:52He's my favourite.

00:53...being out and about centres and settles me.

00:56He's definitely my favourite. You know who isn't?

00:58Oh.

01:00But in this episode, I'm going to experiment on a bigger canvas

01:03and have come to the Peak District alone

01:06with nothing more than my stick camera and obviously clothes

01:09to explore the mental health benefits of surrounding yourself in nature.

01:19Studies show that the great outdoors can do wonders for your mental health.

01:24As much as 84 percent.

01:26Today, I'm climbing Man Tor, a 17-foot-hundred high hill in the Peak District,

01:35which, according to the guidebook, boasts incredible views.

01:40And on a clear day, it says you can see as far as Manchester.

01:44Although it doesn't explain, uh, why you'd want to.

01:47Starting at Castleton, day one will see me climb the mighty Man Tor and walk the Great Bridge.

01:55After a good sleep and wash, I'll spend a second day scaling the district's highest peak, Kinder Scout.

02:00Hello. Fellow aviators.

02:04How you doing?

02:05Good. Have you ever flown on a jetpack?

02:07I know a guy who has.

02:10You're looking at them.

02:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

02:16Up, up, up, up, up, and away, like my beautiful balloon.

02:21Do you think that's good for mental health?

02:24Do you think flying's good for mental health?

02:28Enjoy the freedom of flight for trying not to worry the sheep, they'll miscarry.

02:34I'm so glad I came here.

02:41My partner, Katrina, was dead right.

02:43She said, go away for the weekend, climb a big mountain by yourself.

02:47Er, I guess she just gets me.

02:50Yeah, so I've come away on my own, and she's gone away to Paris with my best friend, Darryl.

02:56Yeah, it's friends, it's friends.

03:00The badminton partners, er, and I've said myself, you know, he covers a lot of ground by the baseline,

03:05she's got a wicked drop shot, it just works.

03:08There's supposed to be four of them, but two of them had to pull out because of very, very long Covid.

03:13So it's just, er, just Darryl and Katrina in Paris.

03:17The City of Lovers, my hairdresser says, is that just a stupid thing to say?

03:22It's not just for lovers.

03:25You get school trips go there, they're not all having sex with each other.

03:28I mean, occasionally a line will be crossed, you get some bearded sixth formers these days.

03:35And some very busty students.

03:37But, er, this assumption that every couple that goes to Paris is going to be banging the

03:42bejesus out of each other, it's just, er, it's just, er, childish.

03:48Darryl and Katrina are badminton partners, and they want us to try out some different courts,

03:53and that's the end of it.

03:58Spending time alone in nature, though boring, allows our minds the freedom to roam,

04:03to dwell on anything from your daughter being gay, to whether you'd have been good at presenting

04:07natural history shows.

04:09A million billion years ago, this was probably bits of dinosaur.

04:15Now though, just horrible soil.

04:19We all come from it, and we all go back to it.

04:22This is nature's ring road.

04:28The end of the first morning's walking, and though I'd only been out in nature for a couple

04:32of hours, already there was a definite sense of tension easing, as I absorbed the majesty

04:38and infinite variety of the natural world.

04:41It was good egg.

04:45What a charming village church.

04:52Oh, it's wonderful, er, respectful, of course, in the house of God, to lower your voice,

05:08just as you would in a library or a museum, the same volume one might begin at while having

05:16a late-night row with your wife in a tent.

05:19Where are you?

05:23Where are you, eh?

05:25I know he's up there.

05:27Oh, yes.

05:28I'm sure he's looking down on you right now.

05:30He hears everything.

05:31Yeah.

05:32And I know he's in here.

05:34That faint smell of ammonia, that's from his excrement.

05:39God?

05:40The bat.

05:41I see!

05:42Right.

05:43The bat.

05:44Right, of course, yes.

05:45I was going to say, I'm not sure God excretes anything.

05:47Only love.

05:51So why are you counting bats?

05:52The roof needs repair, but there's a maternity colony up there.

05:55And they're protected under UK law, so the work will have to wait.

05:59It's funny, isn't it, how the church has to go to rack and ruin

06:01just so some bats can make more bats.

06:03I just saw one there, Winter Cross.

06:05They are awful.

06:06They are easily my least favourite bird.

06:08Skin for wings but no feathers.

06:10Why?

06:11I've studied bats for 20 years, and I...

06:13I believe there's as much God's creatures as you or me.

06:15Mm.

06:16It's like the song says, isn't it?

06:17The Lord God made them all.

06:18All creatures great and small.

06:19It's my favourite hymn.

06:21Yeah.

06:22It is.

06:23Nice hymn.

06:24Goes on a bit, though, I find.

06:25You know, just...

06:26I mean, all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small,

06:28all things wise and wonderful.

06:30The Lord God made them all.

06:31Then the verse goes on to list individually all the things

06:33that the chorus tells you you're made all of,

06:35so I just think it's just over-egged.

06:37Yeah.

06:38Maybe I thought of it like that.

06:39It's a bit like Ross Kempis telling you you've seen all the Batman films

06:41and then listing them all on a long car journey.

06:43Batman.

06:44Batman Returns.

06:45Batman Forever.

06:46Yeah, I know, Ross.

06:47You've seen them all.

06:48Batman and Robin.

06:49Batman Begins.

06:50The Dark Knight.

06:51The Dark Knight Rises.

06:52Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ross.

06:53I know.

06:54We get it.

06:55We get it.

06:56Batman versus Superman.

06:57The Batman.

06:58Lego Batman.

06:59For Christ's sakes, Ross, stop saying Batman.

07:00Grow up.

07:01Sometimes tell the kids that I'm Batman.

07:03Yeah, but you only say it once, right?

07:05Just at the start.

07:06Yeah, that's fine.

07:07You can hold one if you want.

07:09A bat?

07:12Yeah.

07:13Why would I want to hold a bat?

07:15Broke its wing.

07:16Good.

07:17So it can't fly and drink blood from a cow

07:19or drink the blood from the neck of a woman,

07:21if it's Dracula.

07:22That's totally different.

07:23Okay.

07:24You know, a lot of the children,

07:25they're scared at first, but they get over it.

07:26Yeah, I'll get over it.

07:27Yeah, fine.

07:28Hold your hands out, then.

07:30Yeah, like a book.

07:32Sorry, I was...

07:33For some reason, I thought you meant like Jesus.

07:35Got any concerns, you can ask me a question.

07:37Yeah, okay.

07:38Um...

07:39Could it give me rabies?

07:40No.

07:41Could it give me TB?

07:42No.

07:43Could it give me...

07:44I want to say botulism?

07:45No.

07:46Could it give me any, and I mean any form of AIDS?

07:49No.

07:50Will it bite me?

07:51No.

07:52Could it bite me?

07:53No.

07:54Could it lick me?

07:55In theory, yes.

07:56Is it tongue rough?

07:57No.

07:58Is it tongue hot?

07:59Honestly, I don't know.

08:00Is it heavy?

08:01No.

08:02Does it stink?

08:03No.

08:04Does it stink a little bit?

08:05Maybe.

08:06Will it do this?

08:07It won't do that.

08:08Um...

08:09Do you want to hold the bat?

08:10All right, all right.

08:11You hold the stick, I'll stroke the bird.

08:12There you are, look.

08:14What's his name?

08:15Kieran.

08:16Oh, what's your name?

08:18Kieran.

08:19I've got to go now, Kieran.

08:24Bye.

08:25Bye!

08:28Now, walls, not ice cream or sausages, but actual walls,

08:32I think would be a great topic for a documentary.

08:35The BBC wouldn't commission it because it doesn't have trans drug addicts,

08:38but as a topic for a phoning, I think it would be second to none.

08:41What's your favourite wall?

08:42Dry stone?

08:44Post and rail?

08:45Partition?

08:47Load-bearing?

08:48Great of China?

08:49Whaling?

08:50Berlin?

08:52And Adrian's?

08:53What's your favourite type of wall?

08:54A crinkle-crankle wall.

08:56The shape of it provides lateral stability without the need for buttresses.

09:01Got it.

09:02So, why doesn't your girlfriend play badminton in Paris with you?

09:05Because I like to play squash.

09:07Look up crinkle-crankle wall.

09:15I think the tavern I'm supposed to be staying at is in that direction.

09:18It's very hard to tell.

09:22Excuse me.

09:23I wonder if you could help me out.

09:25I'm trying to locate a pub, and I know it's over there, but everywhere looks the same.

09:30I've heard of going snow-blind.

09:32Well, I think I'm going green-blind.

09:34Do you mind if I borrow your binoculars?

09:36Yeah.

09:38As in, yeah, I mind.

09:39What, so I can't borrow them?

09:40Well, I don't know you.

09:42I'm out there.

09:43Look, it's a personal item that I put on my face.

09:45Aha!

09:48Okay.

09:49And a man comes up to me, making noises, wanting to smear his eyes and fingers on them first.

09:53It's basic hygiene, mate.

10:02What an odd man.

10:05What a cross man.

10:08What a shit man.

10:10It's funny.

10:11If someone had done that to me in ordinary life, I'd follow them, wait until they were having a wee, and then push them over.

10:18But out here, in nature, it just didn't seem to matter.

10:21And whilst it's easy to get a bit lost if your phone dies because your assistant didn't charge it,

10:26the vantage point I reached revealed the quiet grandeur of the Derbyshire Hills.

10:31Each with its own story, its own history, and together an enduring testament to the power of nature to inspire and uplift.

10:40I told her to fucking charge it.

10:426pm, and with a slightly dirty bottom, I've reached the hind and harrow in Upper Booth, my digs for the night.

10:50Step through this door, and you step back in time.

10:53The unisex toilets and gender fluid bar staff, the alcohol-free gin baffling,

10:59and generally humorless attitude of the clientele are all very well for a city bar.

11:05But if you want to knees up round the old Joanna, don't go there.

11:08Hear, hear.

11:09Give me a warm fire, warm beer, the warm smell of dog, and a warm welcome from the regulars.

11:16Trevor here has offered to buy a pint for this weary traveller.

11:19Sadly, in a city bar, the offer of a free drink would come with the subtext of sex.

11:24But here, it's just two regular fellas having a chinwag over the pint.

11:28Same again, Trevor.

11:29Why not?

11:31Trevor here is an amateur historian.

11:33And I believe this place was once a popular haunt for highwaymen.

11:37Oh, very much so.

11:38There were rich pickings along these roads for the unscrupulous thief.

11:42It's incredible, isn't it, that someone looking for people with a few bob would come to what is effectively Derby.

11:48Yeah, the Pink District is steeped in stories, myths and monsters.

11:52Legend has it that the spirits come out at night.

11:55And that's not just Bill when he starts on the gin.

11:59Despite a habit of passing off pre-prepared sentences as spontaneous thought,

12:03Trevor proved to be genial company.

12:06There you go. Keep the change.

12:07Oh, thanks.

12:08Right, how much was it?

12:0910.80. He gave me 20.

12:11Oh, er...

12:13Don't worry about it.

12:14Do you know what? Keep it.

12:16Yeah.

12:17Right, you could do a lot worse and stay here.

12:19A tavern like this would be beyond the means of most travellers.

12:22Many would stay in a bothy.

12:25That's a stone hut without warmth, light or comfort.

12:29Reminds me of living with the ex-wife.

12:32Yes, my ex-wife kept a good home.

12:34She was just emotionally toxic.

12:36She's nothing in Christmas.

12:38Oh, yes.

12:39A bothy is not of the calibre of a place you'd find on Airbnb.

12:43Yeah, although some of those aren't all they're cracked up to be.

12:45I once stayed at an Airbnb that had no knives.

12:48Spent all evening trying to cut up lamb chops with the side of a spoon.

12:51My God, I gave it a bad review.

12:53And the next day they texted me saying,

12:55there's a tray of knives under the bed.

12:57And I'm supposed to know.

12:58It's £1.10 for crisps.

12:59Right.

13:00Er...

13:01Haven't got the 10p.

13:03They're £1.10 though.

13:04That's the thing.

13:05Okay.

13:06Er...

13:07Right.

13:08It was £5 minimum car payment.

13:09Okay.

13:10Well...

13:11I mean, it's 10p.

13:13I can just put them back.

13:17Okay, fine.

13:18And are the bar staff normally this friendly?

13:20Is this still about the crisps?

13:22I find it incredible that you were gifted nearly £10,

13:25and you act like nothing happened.

13:27I said thank you.

13:28Yeah.

13:29When I needed a favour, I get zilch.

13:30You want me to pay for your crisps with my money?

13:32Ten pence out of the £9.20 I gave you.

13:35Yeah, gave.

13:36It belongs to me.

13:37Sir, money them tips.

13:38Sorry.

13:39Don't remember asking you.

13:40Do you know how much your barmaid earns?

13:42She's got three kids to support.

13:43I've got three grandchildren to support,

13:46and she's taken the Christmas money.

13:48Yeah?

13:49You want to play that game?

13:50You give them three quid each?

13:51It's a WH Smith gift token.

13:53Three quid?

13:54Yeah, you can get a couple of pencils for that.

13:56After a frank exchange of views,

13:58I enjoyed an early night,

14:00albeit with an open penknife in my hand.

14:07Day two of my mental health hike in the Peak District,

14:10and today I'll be scaling its highest hill, Kinder Scout.

14:15Sometimes think about how my life might have turned out

14:20had I taken a different path.

14:24I can imagine myself up here,

14:26up here as a shepherd,

14:28perhaps dressed in a woolen jerkin,

14:33salvaged from the carcass of a dead sheep,

14:37because I wouldn't want to waste the wool.

14:39A woolen hat,

14:41trousers, also made of wool,

14:44and perhaps some sheepskin boots,

14:47taken from a different part of the sheep,

14:51so that I would be dressed almost completely.

14:56Not as a sheep, but in sheep.

15:00Those clouds look a bit like sheep.

15:04God, I'm bored.

15:07The last time I came to the Peak District

15:09was as a presenter of Tea Time magazine show This Time,

15:12where I reported on blacksmith Ron Eccles' fight

15:15to keep his ancient craft alive.

15:17There's something wonderfully elemental

15:19about watching a blacksmith at work.

15:21If you see Sean Bean or Liam Neeson hammering an anvil in a drama,

15:25you know you're in for a treat, even on ITV.

15:27But traditional craftsmanship is something that we don't see very often.

15:31Now everything's done for you.

15:33We're losing the skills that have been handed down to us over centuries.

15:37And I tell you, once it's gone, it's gone.

15:40Yeah, you see these people, don't you,

15:42queuing round the block for the latest trainers

15:44or working in an Apple store.

15:46And yet, if Britain came under a cyber attack from...

15:48China.

15:49...the EU or Ireland, you think they would come a cropper?

15:52They'd starve to death.

15:53Yeah, good.

15:54I thought a blacksmith would be more like Liam Neeson,

15:56but you're quite chatty, aren't you?

15:57So are you.

15:58Yeah, well, the survivors are going to need someone

16:00to man the airwaves.

16:02I'm Alan Partridge.

16:03Don't forget, if a relative or loved one has just died,

16:05to burn the corpse immediately before decomposition,

16:08because if those maggots hatch into blue bottles

16:10and the plague becomes airborne,

16:12then we're all for it.

16:13This is Shania Twain, and you're still the one I want.

16:16I wonder if she made it.

16:17I believe she had a ranch with some horses.

16:19I'm sure she'll be fine.

16:21But even without a prime-time TV show,

16:23there's always the chance to meet new people

16:25and learn new skills.

16:27This morning, I've happened across a farmer

16:29who spent the last half hour telling me

16:31about the ancient craft of sheepherding,

16:33which he says takes decades to master.

16:36So it's settled, steady, and what?

16:38Come by.

16:39Got it. Give me the whistle.

16:40Come by.

16:41Come by.

16:42Walk on.

16:43Have you done this before?

16:44No.

16:45Walk on.

16:46Steady.

16:47Steady.

16:48Walk on.

16:49Steady.

16:50Steady.

16:51Walk on.

16:52Steady.

16:53Steady.

16:54Walk on.

16:55Are you sure you've never done this before?

16:56Yep.

16:57Steady.

16:58There we go.

16:59Okay.

17:00Settle.

17:01Settle.

17:02Settle.

17:03Settle.

17:04Settle.

17:05Very good.

17:06I found that quite easy.

17:08Really?

17:09Yeah.

17:10Do you ever use any part-time herders or shepherds?

17:13You know?

17:14Yeah, if you've got a day off or something,

17:16you know, I can just talk more about it later.

17:20Yeah, yeah.

17:21Yeah, I found that quite easy.

17:24A fun morning.

17:25And while I was later upbraided for strapping a camera to a sheep,

17:28as far as I could tell, the sheep liked it.

17:33I'm walking along a sheep trail as opposed to a human path.

17:37I think it was a Chinese man who once said,

17:39if you follow in the footsteps of a sheep,

17:41eventually it will lead you to a sheep.

17:46A Chinese man said that to me outside the O2

17:49after a Coldplay concert.

17:51And he had a camper van.

17:53Asked me to pop inside.

17:55Uh, popped inside.

17:57Um, and then immediately regretted it because...

18:00Because, uh...

18:10He is of my soul

18:16No for all her soul

18:23Young, joyless and desolored

18:30For ever

18:34But for ever and all

18:48Who will my holy king

19:00What the hell is this?

19:02Oh, hello.

19:03This is choirmaster Robin Gaskell.

19:05He and his youth choir dressed as businessmen

19:07have come to this cave to take advantage

19:09of its incredible acoustics

19:11and because the church they normally sing in

19:13is having its pews and kneelers wiped clean.

19:15When I heard that singing,

19:16I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

19:18I mean, I'm glad I haven't.

19:20And I'm sure you've got a few more years left in you.

19:22Yeah, I hope so.

19:23And so have you

19:24because you're not that young either.

19:26And besides, a gypsy told me

19:27I was going to live till I was 90.

19:29Really?

19:30Yes.

19:31And she was right about my wife cheating on me.

19:32So...

19:33You must be proud as punch of this lot.

19:35Mm-hmm.

19:36Well, you should tell them then.

19:38They could be out there sniffing glue, but they're not.

19:40I mean, they might do later,

19:41but right now they're here lifting people's spirits.

19:43They certainly lifted mine

19:44because I didn't have a very nice breakfast.

19:49And, erm...

19:51And all the parents, they know you bring their kids here?

19:53Yes.

19:54Yeah, good, good.

19:58When people talk about Stonehenge

20:00as if it's the only henge,

20:02I allow myself a quiet chuckle.

20:05I mean, throw a stick in Derbyshire

20:07and you hit a henge.

20:09I want to throw a stick at a goat.

20:11Excuse me?

20:12What?

20:13Can you...

20:14Okay, my name's Alan.

20:16What's your name?

20:17Jeff.

20:18Jeff.

20:19Am I all right to call you Jeff, Jeff?

20:20Yeah.

20:21Thanks, Jeff.

20:22Are you a paramedic?

20:23I'm not a paramedic,

20:24but I'm using the intonation of a paramedic.

20:25Is that okay, Jeff?

20:26Thanks, Jeff.

20:27I've broken my leg.

20:28Hey, hey, hey, look at me.

20:29No one's broken any legs, all right?

20:31No, I have, look.

20:32Ooh, that's a broken leg.

20:34Jeff, I want you to look at me.

20:35Whatever you do,

20:36keep your head as still as possible.

20:39Why, do you think I've broken my neck?

20:40No, no, you've got a nugget of sheep shit by your ear.

20:42Right, let's take a look.

20:43Pulse, good.

20:44Temp, good.

20:46Open mouth.

20:47Mouth, good.

20:48Say R.

20:49R, good.

20:50Stick your tongue out.

20:51Bit further, bit further.

20:53Fucking hell, you've got a long tongue.

20:55How many fingers am I holding up?

20:56Two.

20:57Four.

20:58Two.

20:59One.

21:00Shit, I've just given you my pen number.

21:01Can you call Mountain Rescue?

21:03Here, use my Blue Harbour gilet as a cushion.

21:06And you can use my fleece, also Blue Harbour, as a blanket.

21:11There we go.

21:12You look like you've got four arms now.

21:14In case you lack energy, I've stripped a Kit Kat to the waist,

21:18placed into the palm of your hands.

21:19If you can't chew it, suck it.

21:21If you need more energy, take your trousers off and suck him some more.

21:25And you wouldn't know it because of how helpful I'm being,

21:28but just to confirm, I think you and I both know

21:33that you're the person who wouldn't lend me the binoculars yesterday.

21:37It wasn't anything personal.

21:39I just have an anxiety regarding my face.

21:41No, I don't hold a grudge.

21:42I don't hold a grudge.

21:43Pardon?

21:44I didn't say anything.

21:45That's all right.

21:46I thought I had a thank you.

21:47If I'd known it was you, I would have lent you my binoculars.

21:49Why?

21:50Because celebrities don't have dirty eyes.

21:53I'll leave you with that, Geoff.

21:55This is when a proper hiking shoe is essential.

21:58If I was wearing a fashion trainer,

22:00I wouldn't be as half as able to gallop as I am here.

22:05I'm zigzagging to minimize the downward trajectory.

22:13So it says...

22:15Oh!

22:16Oh!

22:17Oh!

22:18Oh!

22:19Recovered.

22:20Nice one, Alan.

22:21Oh!

22:22Oh!

22:23Oh!

22:24Oh!

22:25Oh!

22:26Oh!

22:27Which service do you require?

22:28Helicopter, please.

22:29Injured man located.

22:30Is this an ambulance you need?

22:31A flying one, yes.

22:32Where are you?

22:33Peak District National Park, two clicks north of Castleton.

22:37That's Castleton, Charlie, Alpha, Sausage, Tango, Lima.

22:42Right.

22:43I've got it.

22:44Can you tell me exactly what happened?

22:45I can, but I've just realized I used the word sausage

22:47instead of Sierra for the phonetic alphabet.

22:49But that's because I'm hungry and I had sausage for breakfast.

22:52Just in the helicopter.

22:53Scramble, scramble.

22:54Sorry, I'm thinking about breakfast again.

22:58I injured my knee playing rugby.

22:59She was my physio.

23:00Yeah, my girlfriend's in Paris and my best friend.

23:02Oh, well.

23:03Nah, it's fine.

23:04They play badminton together and they've never played on any French courts before,

23:08so I think they wanted to go over and check out a few of those.

23:11You want some water, Walter?

23:12No, you're all right.

23:13It's just the hygiene thing again.

23:15Like with the binoculars yesterday.

23:17If you knew how many germs were in your saliva.

23:19I don't dribble down the spout when I drink from it.

23:21If your lips have touched it, your saliva will be in it.

23:23Yes, but not sufficient to carry a viral load.

23:26Oh, right, okay, so I must have imagined the Covid epidemic

23:28that killed over seven million people.

23:30You've got more chance of catching germs when you touch a doorknob,

23:33but I'll bet you still do that.

23:34Touching a doorknob is unavoidable risk.

23:36Sharing a bottle is not.

23:37I'm doing a documentary on mental health,

23:39but I'll tell you something, mate, you're potty.

23:40French badminton courts are no different to British ones.

23:42A badminton court is a badminton court.

23:48I don't accept that.

23:58Pacing's this way.

24:00I want to show if you guys are going to come with an EC-15 or an AS-355.

24:04355, where is it?

24:06You can tell that by the lack of vertical stabiliser on the tail boot,

24:09which means it will struggle with crosswind.

24:11Pacing's this way.

24:12But on the plus side, much more aerodynamic.

24:15But you'll know that already.

24:17Did you know that already?

24:19Yeah!

24:20And roughly when did it happen, Geoff?

24:23Patient was found at 1,400 hours.

24:25About 2 o'clock, Geoff.

24:27Yeah, I think so, yeah.

24:28Kept the patient still.

24:29Administered two fingers of a chocolate wafer bar.

24:31Orally.

24:32And have you been sick, Geoff?

24:33No, I didn't think so.

24:34Cream of chicken soup.

24:35Administered for hydration.

24:36Patient was unreceptive.

24:37OK, we're going to get you out of here.

24:38Geoff, get you on a stretcher, all right?

24:40OK.

24:41Get him on the Whirlybird.

24:42Releasing Blue Harbour.

24:43One, two, three.

24:44Ah!

24:45You want me in the front or the back?

24:47You can't come with that.

24:48Happy to ride soccer.

24:50Right, you can't come with that.

24:51Happy to ride soccer.

24:53Happy to ride soccer!

24:56It's funny.

24:57I came to the great outdoors to fix a head.

25:01I left having fixed a leg.

25:02Although I'm told the chap will need to use a cane.

25:06And of course we couldn't do what we do

25:08if it weren't for the help of ordinary people

25:10doing extraordinary things.

25:12And that's why we award Citizen Bravery Awards.

25:16First, Daniel Allison.

25:17In January, Daniel's dad had a heart attack.

25:20Daniel managed to perform CPR whilst waiting for the air ambulance.

25:26Daniel.

25:34Next, Alan Partridge.

25:37Just this month, Alan ran for half a mile to Core Mountain Rescue

25:42after finding an injured hiker.

25:44Alan.

25:57Members of the press.

25:59Lord Mayor Robert, Lady Mergenine,

26:02and the RWPC lady here.

26:07People ask me, why is Britain great?

26:10I tell them, it's the heroes.

26:14Me, I am not a hero.

26:17Any big strong man would have done what I did.

26:20The real heroes are the brave men and women of Mountain Rescue

26:24and their patron, His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales, himself a former helicopter rescue man.

26:31I know Prince Andrew also takes an interest, having once been a helicopter pilot himself,

26:36although he takes more of a backseat role these days.

26:39Still, a consummate pilot.

26:42He knows how to handle an unruly bird even when taking heavy flack during turbulence.

26:47The trick is to get as far away from the storm as possible.

26:51I'm sorry about that.

26:52Someone said that would be funny.

26:53I don't think it is.

26:54I think it's awful what he did.

26:56That simply salutes a gifted pilot and a world-class trade envoy.

27:01His friendship with a rich, dead, bad man notwithstanding.

27:06As for Geoff, the chap whose life I saved, it's funny.

27:11He thinks I helped him, but he's healed something in me.

27:16So I don't want to hear any more of this Alan Partridge is a hero.

27:21Alan Partridge puts his life on the line nonsense.

27:24They're just empty words.

27:27The words that really meant something aren't on a certificate.

27:30They come from my ten-year-old godson, Chris Tarver,

27:33who, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, said,

27:36I want to be like Alan, a hero.

27:39His dad said to him,

27:40But I only told you Alan had found an injured man.

27:43You didn't hear the end of the story.

27:45I didn't need to, replied the boy,

27:48because I knew as soon as Alan found him...

27:54he was going to be all right.

27:58I want this helicopter.

28:13And if you're feeling kind of sad, come over to my house.

28:18I'll make you some chicken soup,

28:21and I'll be asking these simple questions.

28:25How are you?

28:27How am I?

28:29How is he?

28:30How is she?

28:32How are they?

28:34How?

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