- 1 week ago
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TVTranscript
00:00:00I'll see you next time
00:00:30Ladies and gentlemen, Bruce Forsyth
00:00:40Thank you so much
00:00:56Thank you very much indeed
00:00:57Nice to see you, to see you
00:00:59And welcome to my big night
00:01:03And it could be a very big night, you know
00:01:05If we've played our Easter cards right
00:01:07And we've certainly got a full deck for you
00:01:10Joan Collins is here
00:01:12I hope she's not looking for a new stud
00:01:16Back or front
00:01:21Susan George is here
00:01:27She will not leave me alone
00:01:32Do you know she's been to my dressing room four times today?
00:01:34Four times!
00:01:35And twice for a cup of sugar
00:01:36But then Juliet Prowse is here!
00:01:41Yes!
00:01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:01:44She's nearly here
00:01:47She's nearly here because, you know, London Weekend Television have been so kind
00:01:50And so thoughtful
00:01:51They've actually flown Juliet Prowse over from America
00:01:54Especially from my show
00:01:56Flown it over specially
00:01:58By Tiger Moth
00:01:59She should arrive any minute at Luton Airport
00:02:03If the wind's in the right direction
00:02:05And if she's only had 14 fuel stops
00:02:07The things people would do to work with me
00:02:11And Madeleine Bell is here
00:02:13Oh, yes!
00:02:16And I know Madeleine was here because she's been here for 12 hours
00:02:20Because she's having her hair plaited
00:02:22And girls, this Bo Derek thing's catching on, isn't it?
00:02:25But be careful
00:02:26I was at a disco the other night
00:02:27One of these girls had the Bo Derek thing
00:02:29I twirled around a couple of days
00:02:30And she went right through the ceiling
00:02:31Tired into a human helicopter
00:02:34Just like that, you know
00:02:36But be careful, girls
00:02:36Because, you know, you're liable to have this Bo Derek thing all done
00:02:39And your boyfriend says, get knotted
00:02:41I mean, it could be
00:02:41Over as quick as that
00:02:43Carol Channing is here
00:02:45What a funny lady
00:02:51I mean, she only has to open her voice
00:02:53You know, I've been opening her mouth
00:02:55All right, so I made a mistake
00:02:57So did you for coming
00:03:00Start that
00:03:04But what a
00:03:05I mean, that voice of hers
00:03:07I mean, you know, what does it sound?
00:03:08It sounds like
00:03:09Sounds like a sexy sheet of sandpaper
00:03:11And that's difficult to say
00:03:13When you've had a drink
00:03:13And I've had a drink
00:03:16Because Reginald Bozenkett's here
00:03:18Nice guy, Reggie
00:03:23And you know, he took me out for a drink before the show
00:03:25The case comes up next Tuesday
00:03:26And my very dear and very close friend
00:03:30Jimmy Tarbuck is here
00:03:32Yes!
00:03:33I mean, he's a very dear friend
00:03:38A very close friend
00:03:39But I'd like to say publicly
00:03:40Right here and now
00:03:41Jimmy Tarbuck has a great act
00:03:44Mine
00:03:45But he did win it at a game of golf
00:03:49You know, and a good goal from Jimmy
00:03:50Apart from the language
00:03:51A good golfer
00:03:52And always been a swinger
00:03:53His case comes up next Thursday
00:03:55But anyway, here they all are
00:03:56Joan Collins
00:03:57Susan George
00:03:58Juliet Prouse
00:03:59Madeline Bell
00:04:00Carol Channing
00:04:01Reginald Bozenkett
00:04:02Jimmy Tarbuck
00:04:03I didn't realise there were so many people out of work
00:04:05Oh, one other thing
00:04:08I do have two choreographers for my show
00:04:10One for my left foot
00:04:12One for my right
00:04:13No, it's because we have two kind of different styles of dancing
00:04:16So if you see me doing anything
00:04:18Anything like this
00:04:20That's all the Norman Maine dancing, you see
00:04:28He has this thing about
00:04:29He loves doing steps where he looks over his shoulder
00:04:31I think he's a lifetime of wondering
00:04:33Whether anybody's following him or not
00:04:34Mind you, with his walk
00:04:37He should be the last to be surprised
00:04:38And Brian Rogers
00:04:41So if you see any of these kind of steps in the show
00:04:44All that stuff
00:04:45That's Brian Rogers' stuff
00:04:47He's got a thing about touching himself
00:04:48Mind you, it's catching on
00:04:53Now, if you see me do this
00:04:56That's all mine
00:05:00Mainly because nobody else wanted it
00:05:03But there we are
00:05:04Now, it's a long time since we've done a big night
00:05:07And I always used to enjoy question time at the start of the show
00:05:10And so we're going to start off with question time
00:05:12Like we always used to
00:05:13So, anybody got a question tonight?
00:05:15Anybody got a question?
00:05:16Yes, you, the lady in the floral dress there
00:05:19The black, in the black
00:05:20The number, yes
00:05:20The lady at the end there
00:05:21Okay, dear
00:05:22What's your question?
00:05:23What was Susan George
00:05:25Doing in your dressing room
00:05:26The other two times she was in there?
00:05:28Well, that was just a joke, dear
00:05:36I would pick her to start with
00:05:43No, you see
00:05:46Well, I will tell you
00:05:48I will tell you
00:05:49The other two times she came
00:05:50Was for a saucer of milk
00:05:52And I'd do anything for a saucer of milk
00:05:56Well, anybody got another question?
00:05:57Another question, quick
00:05:58How about you?
00:05:59The gentleman in the beard
00:06:00Down the front here
00:06:01Okay
00:06:01Have you ever turned down a film or a song
00:06:03And then later regretted it?
00:06:05Well, I don't really know
00:06:06I've regretted asking you that question
00:06:22No, I've had a couple of
00:06:27I'm going over this side in a minute
00:06:31What with her up there
00:06:32And him down there
00:06:33I can't win
00:06:33No, I've had a couple of chances
00:06:35Similar to that
00:06:36I've had a couple of chances of films
00:06:39A couple of films
00:06:39Big film parts
00:06:40I nearly got
00:06:41And at the last minute
00:06:42They got somebody
00:06:43Because they always look for big film stars
00:06:45To do these things
00:06:46And not being a film star
00:06:49I've missed two very good parts
00:06:51Which I'd be wrong for me to say
00:06:52Who it was
00:06:53Because Larry Olivia would be very
00:06:55Thank you very much
00:06:58What do you do for a living?
00:06:59And what's your name, by the way?
00:07:00Engineer
00:07:00John Best
00:07:01Your name's Engineer
00:07:02You what?
00:07:05I'm an engineer
00:07:06Oh, you're an engineer
00:07:07So the voice doesn't affect your work
00:07:08Well, that's fine
00:07:09Okay, fine
00:07:14Let's try over this side
00:07:14Anybody got a question?
00:07:15Yes, sir
00:07:16You with the suntan
00:07:17Have you ever forgotten the words of a song you're singing?
00:07:19Yes
00:07:19And I think I'm going to go to that tonight
00:07:21Yes, many, many times
00:07:24You know, you can get a thing about a certain song
00:07:27And this is why, you know
00:07:29It's good to tape things beforehand sometimes
00:07:32If you can
00:07:32If it's that kind of a number that you can
00:07:34But it's very easy to forget
00:07:36So the more you do rehearse
00:07:39The better for certain things
00:07:40Are you in the business, sir?
00:07:41What do you do?
00:07:42No
00:07:42I'm a store manager
00:07:43You're a store manager?
00:07:45Where do you do this, sir?
00:07:46Pardon?
00:07:46Where do you do...
00:07:48Must get my nose fixed
00:07:52Where do you manage this store, sir?
00:07:58Enstrond
00:07:58Enstrond
00:08:00Enstrond
00:08:02Enstrond, I do
00:08:03I will come from
00:08:06Fine, yes, okay
00:08:08I'm coming back over this side again
00:08:12Anyway, thank you very much
00:08:14To your friends
00:08:15Thank you very much
00:08:16Thank you, Marina
00:08:19Well, now
00:08:20You know we have many, many stars in our show
00:08:24And I don't want to take up any of their time
00:08:26But before we sort of get into meeting them all
00:08:28I would like to sing for you now
00:08:30A little song
00:08:31Probably one of the nicest songs written
00:08:33In the last 10 or 12 years
00:08:36Have you seen my brother?
00:08:48No, I haven't seen your brother
00:08:50Do you know what my brother looks like?
00:08:52No
00:08:53Well, how do you know you ain't seen him then?
00:08:57Who do you think you are?
00:08:59That's my business
00:09:00Well, business looks as though it's pretty good at the moment
00:09:02I don't mind about that
00:09:04Have you seen my brother?
00:09:05Well, wait a minute
00:09:06What's he like?
00:09:07Uh, booze and greyhounds
00:09:08I mean, what does he look like?
00:09:13A boozy greyhound
00:09:15Because I know all those songs
00:09:16So don't start all those with me
00:09:18All right then
00:09:18What's the matter, a warm night?
00:09:20No, you're trying
00:09:20Anyway, I haven't seen him
00:09:27Yes
00:09:28But you look a bit familiar
00:09:29Are you a Londoner?
00:09:31Of course I'm a Londoner
00:09:32I'm from Golders Brown
00:09:33Golders Brown
00:09:38You mean golders green
00:09:39You haven't been there
00:09:40My gazette
00:09:41We're taking over
00:09:42Anyway, what are you doing here?
00:09:44What is he looking like?
00:09:45I'm trying to sing a song
00:09:46My brother's a singer
00:09:47Oh, is he any good?
00:09:48He's better than you
00:09:49Well, have you ever heard me sing?
00:09:53No
00:09:53Well, how do you know he's better than me then?
00:09:54You see?
00:09:55I know all those, son
00:09:56Don't go all through those
00:09:57No, but you like my brother
00:09:58He's a good egg
00:09:58Well, we all know where eggs come from
00:10:00Now, would you mind going, please?
00:10:02Hold on a minute
00:10:03Hold on a minute
00:10:03You've got a big piece of cotton
00:10:04Hang on down the back
00:10:05Right down your back there
00:10:05Really?
00:10:06Oh, will you pick it off for me?
00:10:09I should, Coco
00:10:10My family haven't picked cotton
00:10:11For over a hundred years
00:10:12Now, look, I've only met you for a couple of minutes
00:10:22And I'm sick of the sight of you
00:10:24Clear off
00:10:25All right, as soon as you put it so nice, I'll go
00:10:27But you see my brother
00:10:28You will give me a call, won't you?
00:10:28I'll call you
00:10:29Right
00:10:30I won't tell you what I'll call you
00:10:31But I'll call you
00:10:32Right, just clear off and get off
00:10:33All right, then
00:10:34I'm sorry about that, ladies
00:10:35Now, please, please
00:10:36Don't
00:10:37Don't, please
00:10:38But the song I've chosen is
00:10:41A Neil Sadaka number
00:10:42And it's called
00:10:43The Hungry Years
00:10:45Oi!
00:10:53You've seen my brother?
00:10:56Have I seen his brother?
00:10:58I asked you first
00:10:59Look, if I've got to go all through this again
00:11:02I want a repeat fee now
00:11:04Money up front
00:11:05Tell the producer whoever he is
00:11:06He's all right, my brother
00:11:08He's a good boy
00:11:09He's a regular guy
00:11:10Yeah, so he has all brown
00:11:11Who doesn't?
00:11:15Listen here, Rin Tin Chin
00:11:17Rin Tin Chin
00:11:22How dare you?
00:11:23Oh, and about
00:11:24And about
00:11:24And about
00:11:25I've just copped a boat
00:11:26I know who you are
00:11:27Copped a boat?
00:11:27Well, you didn't copped a boat
00:11:28Yeah, yeah
00:11:28I saw your one-man show, mate
00:11:30Oh, really?
00:11:31Yeah
00:11:32It was a laugh
00:11:33Oh, thank you
00:11:34Or was it two laughs?
00:11:37What was that lovely bit you played on the piano?
00:11:39What was that?
00:11:40I play many things on the piano
00:11:41It's something
00:11:42Yeah, something I notice
00:11:43You never play on the black notes, man
00:11:48I never play on the black notes, man
00:11:54Of course I played on the
00:11:55I must have played on the black notes
00:11:57That was a tribute to Winifred Apwell
00:11:59You're more Welsh than you
00:12:01Anyway
00:12:04What do you know about
00:12:05I suppose you think it's easy
00:12:06To do a one-man show, don't you?
00:12:08You think it's easy
00:12:08Listen, mate
00:12:09I could do what you do
00:12:10I'm fully qualified
00:12:11Fully qualified
00:12:11I'm in the Singers Union
00:12:12Musicians Union
00:12:13Comedians Union
00:12:14The Mimers Union
00:12:16Well, right now
00:12:16I wish you were in the Soviet Union
00:12:18You and your brother
00:12:20In a salt mine
00:12:21Have you seen it?
00:12:23No, I haven't
00:12:23Get out
00:12:24Get back in your basket
00:12:38Play with your chewy bone
00:12:40Right, well, ladies and gentlemen
00:12:42As I said before
00:12:42A lovely little song
00:12:43It's probably one of the nicest
00:12:45Oi!
00:12:47Have you seen my brother?
00:12:50No, I mean our brother
00:12:52My brother?
00:12:55Yeah
00:12:55You mean that there's
00:12:56There's three of you?
00:12:57Oh, yeah
00:12:57You mean your poor mother
00:12:59Went through this three times?
00:13:00Well, I haven't seen him
00:13:02Do you know what my brother looks like?
00:13:03Don't you start all that again, son
00:13:04I know all those
00:13:06I told you
00:13:06Now, look, look, look
00:13:07We've just made an arrangement
00:13:08And meet our brother here
00:13:09Because we're doing a show
00:13:10For Thames TV
00:13:11Exactly
00:13:11Well, this isn't Thames TV
00:13:13This is London Weekend TV
00:13:15Nah, look
00:13:16It's got to be Thames TV
00:13:17It's on the Thames, isn't it?
00:13:18Well, I'm wearing woolen socks
00:13:20But I'm not a sheep, am I?
00:13:24This is London Weekend Television
00:13:26What's the name of your act?
00:13:28The Three Degrees
00:13:29Three Degrees?
00:13:33They're girls
00:13:34That's why Thames Television
00:13:36Wants to shave our moustaches off
00:13:37Excuse me, excuse me
00:13:39Why don't we get him to be our brother?
00:13:42That's a good idea, son
00:13:43He might have hidden talent
00:13:44And if he has
00:13:45He's kept it hidden for years
00:13:46You know
00:13:52When you come to think of it
00:13:53That Dr Livingston
00:13:54Has got a lot to answer for
00:13:56I've got an idea
00:13:58In actual fact
00:13:59I get all the ideas
00:13:59For our group
00:14:00Oh, all the ideas
00:14:01I write all the songs
00:14:02Alright, well, look
00:14:02Do all the arrangements
00:14:03If you can do an idea
00:14:05If you can get an idea
00:14:05How to get rid
00:14:06How to get rid of
00:14:07The pair
00:14:08What's your idea?
00:14:34My idea is
00:14:35If you be our brother
00:14:35For a little while
00:14:36We can do a number together
00:14:37The three of us
00:14:38Yeah, go on, go on
00:14:39Well, look
00:14:39If I stand in for your brother
00:14:40You got me, son?
00:14:42If I stand in for your brother
00:14:44Will you then go?
00:14:46Okay
00:14:47Right, ladies and gentlemen
00:14:48The Three Degrees
00:14:50Southern Comfort
00:15:03Choose those blues away
00:15:06Oh, when the soothing
00:15:07Southern customs
00:15:09It's called Carolina Day
00:15:11And when the Dixie cotton blossoms
00:15:14In that gentle southern wreath
00:15:17There's no cure like
00:15:18Checking into
00:15:20A sort of hospitality
00:15:22Everybody come on
00:15:24Everybody come on
00:15:26Oh, southern comfort
00:15:33Shuffles off them blues
00:15:36Oh, we're the healthiest southern portion
00:15:39Of black-eyed bees and kids
00:15:41When she shows her southern temper
00:15:44How the southern cooking smells
00:15:47Don't look out for southern trouble
00:15:50Oh, when you ring those southern bells
00:15:52Southern beauty
00:15:55Southern style
00:15:58She's got sugar in her body
00:16:00She's got molasses in her smile
00:16:03Southern music
00:16:06Hallelujah and amen
00:16:09For that sultry southern mouth that says
00:16:12The south should rise again
00:16:14Everybody come on
00:16:16Oh, southern comfort
00:16:22Whispers high on
00:16:25High on
00:16:25And no Yankee, drugstore, cowboy
00:16:28Is gonna beat her southern drawl
00:16:31Cause with the heat of a northern passion
00:16:33That's the fire of the southern pride
00:16:36It's too close for southern comfort
00:16:38And it comes out southern pride
00:16:41Southern music
00:16:44Southern style
00:16:46She's got sugar in her body
00:16:49She's got molasses in her smile
00:16:52Southern music
00:16:55Hallelujah and amen
00:16:57For that sultry southern mouth that says
00:17:00The south should rise again
00:17:02Southern music
00:17:03Southern music
00:17:04Southern beauty
00:17:05Southern style
00:17:07Southern style
00:17:08She's got sugar in her body
00:17:11She's got molasses in her smile
00:17:13Southern music
00:17:14Southern music
00:17:15Hallelujah and amen
00:17:17For that sultry southern mouth that says
00:17:22The south should rise again
00:17:24Southern music
00:17:26All aleluia and amen
00:17:30Man and soldiers on the mountain says
00:17:33The sun should rise again
00:17:35The sun should rise again
00:17:38The sun should rise again
00:17:40The sun should rise again
00:17:56You know, lads, a bit of hostility at the start there and everything, but it's been a lot of fun to work with it, really.
00:18:05Thank you. But you know, all the way through that, you know what I felt like? What? What? A bovril sandwich.
00:18:10I think we've been insulted. I do, so you've worked very hard on this, you know, for fellas who don't get much work.
00:18:19Thank you. Derek Griffith and Kenny Lynch, ladies and gentlemen.
00:18:24Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
00:18:32Fine, we're now to get on with the show, ladies and gentlemen.
00:18:35It's how she rides again!
00:18:42Have you seen your two brothers?
00:18:45Right, well now, I said there was going to be some of this, you know, in the show and it's coming up now, a Brian Rogers routine.
00:19:00You know, and there's one step to look out for, boys. Look out for this step. And at home as well.
00:19:04The girls, they sort of come forward and they're sort of like this.
00:19:08And they do this thing with the pelvis. They do this.
00:19:13Matter of fact, I was rehearsing this the other day and my case comes up next Friday.
00:19:17Anyway, I don't know what they're trying to say, but it's Brian Rogers' body language.
00:19:33yards Movement
00:19:36You'll never know how much I love you
00:19:40Now, Vince wins
00:19:45You'll never know how much you love you
00:19:48We know all things I used to be
00:19:56You'll never know how much I love you
00:20:03You'll never know how much, how much, how much, how much, how much, how much, how much
00:20:08You'll never know the reason
00:20:11The silly, simple reason
00:20:14Why I need you so, why I love you
00:20:18I love you so
00:20:26I love you so
00:20:56I love you so
00:21:26You'll never know how much I love you
00:21:43You'll never know how much I care
00:21:46You'll never know how much I want you
00:21:50You'll never know how much, how much, how much, how much, how much, how much, how much, how much
00:21:56You'll never know how much, how much, how much, how much
00:21:56You'll never know how much, how much, how much, how much
00:21:56You'll never know how much, how much, how much, how much
00:21:56All the things I used to dream of
00:21:59Don't know what the words he'd ever say
00:22:03You'll never know how much I love you
00:22:06You'll never know how much
00:22:22Well, forgive me if I'm getting a little excited
00:22:26But now you're going to enjoy
00:22:28One of the most exciting performers we have
00:22:30Ladies and gentlemen, meet Miss Madeline Bell
00:22:33Sounds like music when you whisper in my ear
00:22:45The melody you're playing
00:22:47Ooh, it sounds so very clear
00:22:49Let it play on
00:22:50Let the music fade on
00:22:54Playin' in the mornin', play it play that night
00:23:00Anytime you feel the need, honey, it's all right
00:23:03Let it play
00:23:04Let the music play on
00:23:09Let it play
00:23:12Come on, baby
00:23:13Come on, baby
00:23:14Let the music play on
00:23:16Now, let it play
00:23:19Play on
00:23:20Let the music fade
00:23:22Why don't you
00:23:22Play on
00:23:24Let the music fade
00:23:25Come on and
00:23:26Play on
00:23:28Let the music fade
00:23:29Let it play
00:23:30Let it play
00:23:34Let it play on
00:23:35Every time you love me
00:23:38Sweet harmony
00:23:40Feel your mind
00:23:42And next night I hear us and please
00:23:44Let it play
00:23:45Let it play
00:23:45Let the music fade
00:23:49Let it play
00:23:50Let it play
00:23:52Come on, baby
00:23:53Come on, baby
00:23:54Come on, baby
00:23:54Let the music fade
00:23:56Let the music fade
00:23:56Now, I say
00:23:59Play on
00:23:59Play on
00:24:00Make the music fade
00:24:02Play on
00:24:03Play on
00:24:04Play on
00:24:05Let the music fade
00:24:06Come on, baby
00:24:07Play on
00:24:07Play on
00:24:08Play on
00:24:09Play on
00:24:10Play on
00:24:11Play on
00:24:12Let the music fade
00:24:13Let it play
00:24:14Yeah
00:24:16Yeah
00:24:29Come on, baby
00:24:30Come on, baby
00:24:31Let the music fade
00:24:33Let the music fade
00:24:34Play on
00:24:35Play on
00:24:37Why don't you
00:24:39Play on
00:24:40Play on
00:24:41Play on
00:24:41Let the music fade
00:24:42Come on and
00:24:43Play on
00:24:44Let the music fade
00:24:46Play on
00:24:47Let it play
00:24:48Yeah
00:24:52Whoooo
00:24:55Come on, play on
00:24:55Come on
00:24:57Let me hear that music
00:24:58Come on, baby
00:24:59Let me hear it play
00:25:01Come on, play on, come on
00:25:03Let me hear that music
00:25:05Come on, play on, come on
00:25:10Let the music play
00:25:12Come on, play on, come on
00:25:14Let the music play
00:25:15Come on, play on, come on
00:25:17Let the music play
00:25:20Let the music play
00:25:29Hey, Madeleine. Hey, babe. Do you know that was so, that was so, it was so-so.
00:25:40Hi, Sam.
00:25:41Hiya, babe.
00:25:43Oh, how you been?
00:25:45Do you know when they called me in Hollywood and said there was a chance of us doing something together,
00:25:49it was such a thrill, I almost fell off my throne.
00:25:55Well, it's a thrill for me too, Sam.
00:25:57That's what I meant, a thrill for you.
00:25:59What I like about you is you're too, you're too...
00:26:03Too much?
00:26:04No, not enough.
00:26:06You just did.
00:26:08Tell me something, what happened to those ten musicians you came in with?
00:26:12I don't see them in the orchestra.
00:26:14Oh, the ten, the ten guys?
00:26:15Yes.
00:26:16The ten guys, oh, and that, they were not musicians.
00:26:20Oh, really?
00:26:20They are security guards.
00:26:22One for each finger.
00:26:24Tell me, do you sleep with them on?
00:26:26Oh, oh, you bet, you bet.
00:26:28I tried not to once, but by the time I take them all off, it was time to get up and put
00:26:32them all on again.
00:26:34Well, now the great moment has arrived.
00:26:36You're leaving already.
00:26:37No, no, no, no, no.
00:26:39I've decided you're good enough to do a number with me.
00:26:42Mm-hmm.
00:26:43How about that?
00:26:46Madeline, you did it again.
00:26:47Mm-hmm.
00:26:48And I'm going to tell my very, very dear friend, Harry Seacombe, that you are using his material.
00:26:52Take a pinch of Maddie.
00:26:58And a bit of Sammy.
00:27:00Maddie, touch a new leg.
00:27:03And you find your recipe for a get-along scene.
00:27:07Jesus Christ, superstar.
00:27:10Who are you?
00:27:10What do you think you are?
00:27:13Hey there.
00:27:14You with the whites of your eyes.
00:27:16Who are you talking to?
00:27:17Are you trying to make a fool of me?
00:27:19Yeah.
00:27:20Cause that wouldn't be too wise.
00:27:23You are the sunshine of your life.
00:27:26Sammy, Sammy.
00:27:28That's why you'll always be around you.
00:27:31Well, I must admit, I is the apple of my eyes.
00:27:37And no one could love you more than you do.
00:27:42And my poor pups are banged up.
00:27:45Bright shiny rings, jinglinger.
00:27:48Borbles, bangles.
00:27:50I walk a million miles.
00:27:52I walk a million miles.
00:27:54Ask me how do I feel.
00:27:57Ask me what do I think of your singing.
00:27:59What do you think of my singing?
00:28:00Well, sir, all I can say is the Madeline Bell is so swinging.
00:28:05Billy, it's time.
00:28:06It seems we're passing strangers now.
00:28:13Funny how things can change.
00:28:17This is Sarah Vaughan.
00:28:18We were so inseparable.
00:28:22Now you're acting very strange.
00:28:27Billy Eckstein.
00:28:27And Sarah Vaughan.
00:28:28The hands I used to touch
00:28:31Don't even wave at all
00:28:36How I miss those lips
00:28:40You'll never know
00:28:44If you return to me
00:28:48Speak my name
00:28:50Because what's more
00:28:53You might find
00:28:55Life there and there
00:28:59Strangers get below us
00:29:09I get too hungry
00:29:22For dinner at eight
00:29:24She loves the theater
00:29:26But never ever comes late
00:29:28And I never bother
00:29:30With people I hate
00:29:32That is why the lady is a trend
00:29:35I like the free
00:29:37Fresh
00:29:38Wind in my hair
00:29:40Life without care
00:29:42Are they plaits?
00:29:43No, rats
00:29:44Hates California
00:29:46It's cold and it's down
00:29:48That's why the lady
00:29:50I said the lady
00:29:52That's why the lady is a
00:29:54Lady is a trend
00:30:11Well it's
00:30:22It's, uh, it's been real.
00:30:25It's been better.
00:30:27I'm thinking, Sammy, who's in part two of the show?
00:30:31I don't know, but this is going to be very hard to follow.
00:30:52Welcome back, and it's time now to play our new game, All-Star Secrets.
00:31:16One of the stars, one of the stars you've just seen,
00:31:18can thank the Trades Description Act for causing them to appear on television
00:31:22soaked inside and out.
00:31:25Is it the luscious Joan Collins?
00:31:27The loquacious Reggie Bozenkett?
00:31:31The luminous Carol Channing?
00:31:33The loony Jimmy Tarver?
00:31:35Or the lovely Susan George?
00:31:37We'll find out as we play All-Star Secrets.
00:31:41Well, now, welcome stars, and thank you for letting us use your secrets.
00:31:44And now let's find out the identity of our soaked celebrity.
00:31:48Which one was it?
00:31:54Joan!
00:31:56Me?
00:31:56It was you!
00:31:57Oh!
00:31:57Well, will you explain this?
00:31:59Will you explain this?
00:32:00Oh, well, I'd be delighted to.
00:32:01First of all, I was doing a commercial for an aperitif.
00:32:05Yes.
00:32:05A very pretty pink commercial.
00:32:06Oh, we think we know the one, don't we?
00:32:09Yes.
00:32:10We think we know the one.
00:32:11You know the one.
00:32:12Yes, we know the one.
00:32:12They're very good.
00:32:13They are good.
00:32:14I walked on the set the first day expecting to be given a glass of raspberry juice or the
00:32:18usual pink-colored liquid because I've done a lot of movies and I'm never allowed to have
00:32:21whiskey or brandy or champagne or anything that I would really like to have.
00:32:25And they give me this drink, which I knock back at half past eight in the morning and
00:32:28get a lot of it.
00:32:29I'm like, this is really good.
00:32:30What is this?
00:32:31And so they said, this is it.
00:32:32This is the real stuff.
00:32:33So I said, well, I don't really think I should be drinking this.
00:32:35You know, couldn't you give me some raspberry juice?
00:32:37And they said, oh, no.
00:32:39The Trade Descriptions Act says that you absolutely have to drink the real stuff.
00:32:42Really?
00:32:43I said, you realize we're going to be doing this a few times.
00:32:46So anyway, we did it 10 or 11 times.
00:32:48Each time I got more and more struggled.
00:32:51I'm enjoying it more and more and the drink is going all over me.
00:32:54By this time, I don't care.
00:32:55By about half past 11, I said, if you want me to continue doing this, you're going to have
00:33:00to give me some coffee and you're going to have to give me some raspberry juice because
00:33:04otherwise that is the end of me for the day.
00:33:06And in actual fact, they actually had to do it.
00:33:08And I had the worst hangover I've ever had by lunchtime.
00:33:11What a wonderful.
00:33:12That's incredible.
00:33:14That's lovely.
00:33:15Lovely.
00:33:16Well, that's the kind of bizarre secret you are going to hear revealed on All Star Secrets.
00:33:22And now let's meet the three contestants who will try and decide whose tonight's secrets
00:33:27are about.
00:33:28There we are.
00:33:28We have our contestants.
00:33:29Welcome, Malcolm.
00:33:30Malcolm, who is it?
00:33:32Hi, I'm Malcolm Davis and I come from Newport, Gwent and I'm a toy designer.
00:33:36You are?
00:33:37Yes.
00:33:37Lovely and thank you for being with us.
00:33:38Malcolm and now it's Malcolm.
00:33:43I've just noticed Malcolm Allison.
00:33:47I've just noticed that.
00:33:48Allison, what is it?
00:33:49I'm Allison Black from a little village.
00:33:51Oh, dear God.
00:33:51Are you?
00:33:52Yes.
00:33:53You where, darling?
00:33:53A little village near Edinburgh, Turfiken.
00:33:56Yes.
00:33:57And I'm a bottling hall supervisor in a whisky bond.
00:34:01Well, thank you for being with us as well, darling.
00:34:04Lovely.
00:34:05And Bill on the end there.
00:34:07Who are you?
00:34:07And tell us a bit.
00:34:08I'm Bill Mulholme.
00:34:09I'm from Bangor and County Down and I'm a machinery cost manager in a cigarette factory.
00:34:14Jolly good.
00:34:14Well, thank you again for being with us and good luck, all of you.
00:34:17Good luck all.
00:34:18Now, this is how All Star Secrets works.
00:34:21Each time I reveal a secret, it will be your job to decide which of the panellists that secret is about.
00:34:27But before you make up your mind, I ask one of the stars to give their advice as to who they think it is.
00:34:34Then, it will be up to you to decide for yourself how to use that advice.
00:34:39Because every time you choose the correct star, you'll win some money.
00:34:43And each secret is worth £150.
00:34:45All right, then?
00:34:45And if you want to play the game at home, please do.
00:34:48And if you want to have a little bet, who's to know?
00:34:51All right?
00:34:52Here is our first secret.
00:34:55One of tonight's stars confessed they have a terrible fear of flying.
00:34:59So much so, they actually hitchhiked over a hundred miles just to avoid a ride in a helicopter.
00:35:06Now, it's not you, Carol, but who do you think hates flying?
00:35:12Who looks the most frightened of all of us?
00:35:16Let's see.
00:35:17And refused, took a hitchhike instead of a...
00:35:20Hitchhike a hundred miles instead of a helicopter.
00:35:24Hitchhiking's dangerous.
00:35:25Yeah, it is dangerous.
00:35:26I'll bet Susan George has the nerve to do it.
00:35:31Really?
00:35:32Yes.
00:35:32The nerve to hitchhike?
00:35:34The nerve to hitchhike.
00:35:36The nerve to hitchhike.
00:35:37I mean, it's so much easier to fly.
00:35:39That's conventional.
00:35:40Yes, but she's got the nerve to hitchhike.
00:35:42I do know what you mean, Carol.
00:35:42I think she uses it as an excuse to meet exciting friends.
00:35:45All right, then.
00:35:46So you think...
00:35:47Okay, over to our contestant.
00:35:49Now, you think it's Susan.
00:35:50Okay, you're looking for the star who has terrible fear of flying and hitchhike over a hundred miles
00:35:55to avoid a helicopter ride.
00:35:57All right, then.
00:35:58And remember, the secret is worth 150 pounds.
00:36:00If all three of you are correct, you each get 50 pounds.
00:36:03If two of you know the answer, well, you'll get 75 pounds each.
00:36:06But if one of you has the correct answer, you will win the entire 150.
00:36:11All right, then.
00:36:11So pick a star and pop up your pick.
00:36:16Pop up your pick.
00:36:17So it's Reggie, Jimmy and Joan.
00:36:20Malcolm, why did you go for Reggie?
00:36:22Well, he's backed out of so many other things.
00:36:24I thought he'd back out of flying as well.
00:36:29Would you like to take him to task for that?
00:36:31Who's making the jokes around you?
00:36:33I don't know.
00:36:34But, you know, the get-up is the suit and everything.
00:36:36I'm sure he's a club comic.
00:36:37I really do.
00:36:38So, you've made your choices.
00:36:40So who actually does have a fear of flying?
00:36:43Let's see.
00:36:46Yes.
00:36:47Yes, I'm not surprised.
00:36:49It's Jimmy.
00:36:51We all know this, all the boys, everybody knows it.
00:36:54But tell us about this, Jimmy.
00:36:55I didn't hear about the helicopter bit.
00:36:56Well, what happened, it was when Liverpool got to the cup final
00:36:59for the first time in 1965.
00:37:02And it ran into extra time.
00:37:04And he and St John scored the winning goal, but in extra time.
00:37:06And I was on a show in Coventry with Frankie Vaughan.
00:37:09And Frank and I were at the match.
00:37:10And Frank is one of the gentlemen of show business.
00:37:13He's always in the theatre an hour before he has to go on.
00:37:15Yes.
00:37:15Always immaculately dressed, not like me or Bruce.
00:37:18And we walk in five minutes before we go on,
00:37:20put the suits on and we're on.
00:37:21Yes, we do.
00:37:22So anyway, so anyway, I've got in this taxi and we've got,
00:37:26I thought they were getting me a big helicopter to fly to Coventry
00:37:29in one of those Airsea Rescue ones.
00:37:31Yes, yes.
00:37:31It was a bubble car with a rotor on top.
00:37:35I'm one of those hoorahs with the moustache.
00:37:36And hello, sir, just drop in, we'll nip you up there.
00:37:39It won't take a minute.
00:37:39I said, on your bloody own, you will.
00:37:41And I don't know if Frank was a bit nervous or not,
00:37:45but Frank said, well, I'd better stick with him.
00:37:50So anyway, we...
00:37:51Kicked a hole in the bubble.
00:37:52Exactly.
00:37:53So we're going up the M1 in this poor old taxi driver's car
00:37:56who's only spoken to take us to Elstry Airdrome.
00:37:58And the car, everything went on it.
00:38:02So we've had to hitchhike.
00:38:03Now, you've no idea how fast those cars are going up the M1
00:38:06till you stood on that parapet trying to do this.
00:38:09Frank's getting nervous, so for a laugh, I said to him,
00:38:12they don't recognise you, kick your leg.
00:38:16So a car pulled in, and as God is my judge,
00:38:19there was a lady in front who had a baby in her arms,
00:38:22was very pregnant again, there was two soldiers in the back,
00:38:25and all of a sudden, getting in the car is Frankie Vaughan.
00:38:28This woman's eyes has gone...
00:38:29And she's looking like this, and the husband's asked,
00:38:31could you drop us at Coventry?
00:38:33We've got in, and Frank's going, hello, dear.
00:38:35And she's going, oh, Mr Vaughan.
00:38:37I'm saying, give her a song, Frank.
00:38:39Go on, I think.
00:38:41And that was my trip up the motorway.
00:38:43That's a lovely story, a lovely story.
00:38:46Beautiful.
00:38:49Well, now, let's...
00:38:52Oh, yes, Alison, you won £150, darling,
00:38:55so you're right in the lead.
00:38:56Malcolm and Bill, you're trailing with nothing.
00:38:57But there we are, lots more secrets.
00:38:59Here we go.
00:38:59It's a good thing that someone on the panel went into show business,
00:39:03because they were once fired from their job at a bakery,
00:39:06because they were caught picking fruit out of the fairy cakes.
00:39:11There we are.
00:39:12Well, now, it's not you, Reggie.
00:39:13You're relieved to know.
00:39:14All right, then.
00:39:15It's not you, Reg.
00:39:16But who do you think is the illegal fruit picker?
00:39:20No doubt about it at all.
00:39:22Oh.
00:39:22It can't be Tarbuck, because he's belting up the M1.
00:39:25It can't be the divine Carol, because she's too slim to pick fruit.
00:39:30It could be Susan.
00:39:32It could be Joan.
00:39:34I suspect it's Susan.
00:39:37You think she's a little fruit picker?
00:39:40All right, then.
00:39:41Will they pick?
00:39:43Yeah.
00:39:43Well, you can tell them which way you like.
00:39:46Right, so there we are.
00:39:47You're looking for the star who got fired from stealing fruit from fairy cakes,
00:39:52so pick your star.
00:39:53You've already picked, have you?
00:39:54And pop up your pick.
00:39:56What's wrong with yours, Malcolm?
00:39:58It's funny.
00:39:59Yeah, it's funny.
00:40:01Yeah, I think he's got the right wail as well.
00:40:04Yeah, you know what I mean, Reg?
00:40:05Yeah, Reg, go in when you like with him.
00:40:06Right.
00:40:08Any time you like, go in at him.
00:40:10Right.
00:40:11Okay, so Susan Carol, and two for Carol.
00:40:13Why did you pick Carol, Alison?
00:40:15Oh, I think she's lovely.
00:40:16I think she would like, you know, picking fruit and all this type of thing.
00:40:21All right, then.
00:40:22Okay.
00:40:23All right.
00:40:23Well, let's see who was fired for picking the fruit out of the fairy cakes.
00:40:28And it was Carol.
00:40:29Oh, what, Carol.
00:40:31Yes.
00:40:31Well done, you too.
00:40:33Well done, you too.
00:40:36Well, darling, now tell us all about it.
00:40:38What did Alison win?
00:40:40What's that?
00:40:40What did Alison win?
00:40:42She won another 75 pounds.
00:40:44Oh, isn't that nice?
00:40:46Well, you're not getting a rake-off.
00:40:47Don't get so excited about it.
00:40:49You're more interested in the fairy cakes, Carol.
00:40:51Yes, because I've never heard of a fairy cake.
00:40:54No, in America, we call them blueberry muffins.
00:40:57Oh.
00:40:57Yes.
00:41:01Well, while you're over here, please, they're fairy cakes.
00:41:03Because all the fairies eat them.
00:41:06Yes, I worked in Macy's department store.
00:41:10You know, the big one in New York City?
00:41:11Oh, yes.
00:41:12Yes.
00:41:12Yes.
00:41:12Just around the factory, from Selfridges.
00:41:14Just around the factory.
00:41:14No, no, no, no.
00:41:15It's in New York City.
00:41:16Yes, I do know where you moved out.
00:41:17Yes, you know.
00:41:17Yes, fine.
00:41:18So.
00:41:18Well, tell us about it.
00:41:19Yeah, well, I worked in the bake shop.
00:41:21And the bake shop, they used to bring down, I was very hungry, you see, Bruce, because
00:41:26my father's allowance that he was helping me with to get started in the theater, I spent
00:41:29it all in theater tickets.
00:41:30So, they brought down the fairy cakes, you call them?
00:41:34Yes, fairy cakes.
00:41:34Well, they brought down the blueberry muffins.
00:41:37And I used to eat the fruit out of the fairy cakes.
00:41:41And what it is, is, you see, the fruit would fall out, the blueberries would fall out onto
00:41:45the tray.
00:41:46Yes.
00:41:46And so I thought, well, good, I can eat those blueberries, because they fell out of the muffins,
00:41:49so I ate the blueberries.
00:41:50And then I thought, well, this blueberry could have fallen out of this muffin.
00:41:54And then I found that if I took a wire coat hanger, you know, where it hooks onto the...
00:41:57Oh, yes.
00:41:57Yeah, well, if I straightened it out, it would go into the blueberry muffin, into the fairy
00:42:01cake, and it would get out the blueberry muffin, and take it out and drop it.
00:42:04So I ate those, and then I was, they told me that you were going to, I was going to be
00:42:07fired for, um, um, because they were holes in the blueberry muffins.
00:42:12And so, then I...
00:42:14Mind you, don't slip off the chair, dear.
00:42:17I'm getting a bag of nerves here.
00:42:18I mean, one more slip, and you've had it, love.
00:42:22There's no blueberry muffins here, you know.
00:42:25Do you want to know about the, the, the, eating the fruit out of the fairy cake?
00:42:29Yes, sir.
00:42:29Tell them about the blueberry muffins.
00:42:30Go on, tell them.
00:42:31Yes, that's right.
00:42:32So, they were very sorry to have to fire me, Bruce, and I was very sorry because I enjoyed
00:42:38my job, and they said that really, I was the very fastest one on that counter, and the reason
00:42:41that I was the fastest is that I did enjoy it, so I made it a piece of choreography, because
00:42:45I didn't yet have a job in the theater, and I was trying.
00:42:47So, I made it a piece of choreography, and what happened is that the counter was here,
00:42:52you see, and there was the, here was the lemon pie that the lady wanted, and over here
00:42:57were flat pieces of cardboard where you fold up the four sides, and that made a box, and
00:43:01then you put the lid down.
00:43:02So, over here is the string that you tie the box with, and here is the cash register.
00:43:07So, I would take glissade, two-je-te, glissade, lemon pie.
00:43:11Take the lemon pie, put it in the cardboard boxes.
00:43:14Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
00:43:16Four sides go up, put the lid down, take the lid, go table A, turn into the string,
00:43:21put the string around here, put the string around here, make a tie, put a bow here,
00:43:25bring it to the cash register, then the sales text, and then one more thing, and the
00:43:30American flag comes up, and the lady gets her lemon pie.
00:43:34Great love!
00:43:37Oh, my darling, you must, you must turn it into a musical.
00:43:47A musical?
00:43:48Yes.
00:43:48Yes.
00:43:49Yes, okay, darling, fine, well, that was lovely.
00:43:51Is she getting more, is she getting more money than the rest of us?
00:43:53Yes.
00:43:55You've been with the ad-libs, you know, didn't you?
00:43:58I take it, this has become a series, has it?
00:44:01Yes, now.
00:44:02Right, okay, well, there we are, you are way out in the lead there, Alison,
00:44:06£225, Bill Yornick's with £75 and still Malcolm, you've still got to get off the deck.
00:44:11All right, then, but here we go.
00:44:12I love doing this show, because I can get to the bottom of things, like clearing up the
00:44:17rumour about one of our celebrities who was accused of hating animals.
00:44:21Now, it's not you, Susan, but, I mean, you could bring out the beast in me, but who, who do you think, who do you think got accused of hating animals?
00:44:31Got accused of it?
00:44:32Not actually hating them, but accused of it.
00:44:34Um, I would immediately, I wouldn't think it were Joan, I wouldn't think it were Carol, I wouldn't think either one of them, as, as women, as I know them, I wouldn't think either one of them would, it's got to be one of the chaps, I would think.
00:44:49And, and, they were falsely accused.
00:44:55Falsely accused.
00:44:56Falsely accused.
00:44:58Well, I would think somebody, everybody seems to have falsely accused Mr. Bosonkit of everything.
00:45:02It might be Mr. Boson.
00:45:05Very well put.
00:45:06Yay!
00:45:08Yes, yes, especially the fit of the red shirt there.
00:45:10You think it's Reggie.
00:45:12Okay, then, well, now, don't forget, you're looking for the star who was for, you've picked your star, have you?
00:45:15No, all right, then, pick your star, and pop up your pick when you're ready.
00:45:20Okay, two for Reggie, one for Joan.
00:45:23Let's see who got falsely accused of hating animals.
00:45:28All right, it was Reggie.
00:45:30It was Reggie, so Reggie, tell us.
00:45:32Well, it was part of my job, um, I am actually on the advisory panel of the World Wildlife Fund, and I'm really, really, yes, because you're wearing a lynx coat, however, we've had words about that.
00:45:42Um, but, Joey, it was during the, you know, when the firemen strike last year, and I was newscasting, and the Green Goddess people took over,
00:45:54and the dear little old grey-haired lady rang them up and said that her cat was stuck up a tree, and could they come get it down, which they duly did.
00:46:04And she was so grateful that she, um, asked them in for tea and buns.
00:46:09This is an absolutely true story.
00:46:11It's very, and there was, there was a long conference at ITN.
00:46:16The editor said, you can tell this story if you do not move so much as an eyelash when you're telling it.
00:46:24And, um, what happened was, when they got it down, and they'd had their tea and buns, they reversed out of the drive and ran over it.
00:46:35I did not move, I did not move so much as an eyelash, but, uh, it is widely reported that I, I roared with laughter, which I didn't.
00:46:46I would like to put this story straight, and it is not true that they slipped it under the door with a note of apology.
00:47:01Very good.
00:47:03All right, then, there we are.
00:47:04So, you've got now 300, Alison.
00:47:06Oh, hey, Alison, Malcolm's off the mark there, and you've got 75, you're level pegging with Bill.
00:47:11So, here we go, and this is the last secret coming up.
00:47:14One of the celebrities loves to play practical jokes, like the time they conned a good friend and left the man speechless while thousands of people listened.
00:47:23Now, it's not you, Joan, but who do you think would con somebody and leave them speechless with thousands of people looking on?
00:47:30Con somebody?
00:47:31Yeah, who's a practical joke.
00:47:32Oh, I can't pick on Reggie again.
00:47:35He's been everything.
00:47:37Um, I think, it wouldn't have been you, no.
00:47:39I would say, I would say that this, um, might be somebody who had been working a lot in the theatre, perhaps, and, um, the person I can think of has been working the most in the theatre is Miss Channing.
00:47:54I think it's Carol.
00:47:55You think it's Carol?
00:47:56Yes.
00:47:56All right, then, I think it's Carol.
00:47:57So, who do you think it is, then?
00:47:59Who do you think it is?
00:48:00Who's a bit of a con artist?
00:48:02Oh, here we are.
00:48:07It's the face, isn't it?
00:48:08It's the face.
00:48:08It's the giveaway.
00:48:09It really is.
00:48:10All right, then.
00:48:11So, you've made up your mind.
00:48:12So, let's find out who was the person who conned somebody and left them to face thousands of people.
00:48:18All right.
00:48:18Yes!
00:48:19Of course.
00:48:20It's got to be, hasn't it?
00:48:20It's got to be.
00:48:22All right.
00:48:24All right.
00:48:25What did you do?
00:48:26Well, I was in Swansea for a week on a show, and I was asked to go into the local radio station,
00:48:31and they had a phone in, and they said all the people phone in from Wales, had a little chat and all that,
00:48:35and I went on, and it was fine, and the next day they said to me,
00:48:38would Kenny Lynch come on the next day?
00:48:40I said, certainly.
00:48:41So, I phoned Lynch up.
00:48:42I said, look, they want you on the next day, and Lynch loves all that,
00:48:45talking to the public on the phone, and everyone loves Lynch.
00:48:48So, he's gone in, hasn't he?
00:48:49He's on the radio.
00:48:50Now, I know all the form, so I'm laying in bed in the hotel,
00:48:53so I phoned the radio station in Swansea.
00:48:56So, they said, yes.
00:48:56I said, this is Di Evans here.
00:48:58I said, I'd like to speak to Mr Lynch.
00:49:00They said, oh, yes, where are you from?
00:49:01Well, I couldn't think of anywhere in Wales.
00:49:02I said, uh, Ponty.
00:49:04I'm from Ponty.
00:49:05So, on he come.
00:49:06You know Lynch, he's lovely.
00:49:07Everyone loves him.
00:49:07He goes, hello, Mr Evans.
00:49:08I said, hello, Kenny.
00:49:10I said, uh, were you in Porthcall about two years ago,
00:49:13and he'd been on a club with me in Porthcall.
00:49:16Oh, yes, he said.
00:49:16I was there with Jim in Porthcall.
00:49:18Lovely place.
00:49:19Lovely people are well.
00:49:20She loves everyone, didn't she?
00:49:21I said, yes, you met my daughter.
00:49:23Well, all of a sudden, he's taken a stump out.
00:49:28He went, uh, I met lots of people.
00:49:30I met lots of people.
00:49:32I said, well, be a man.
00:49:34Pop round and see her and the baby.
00:49:36Oh.
00:49:43Thank you, Jim.
00:49:45That's great.
00:49:46Well, there we are.
00:49:47So, uh, in joint second place, we have Malcolm and Bill with £125,
00:49:52but you are our overall winner, Alison, and congratulations.
00:49:56You can go for the bonus prize.
00:49:58Come to Brucey.
00:49:59Well played.
00:50:00Come to Brucey.
00:50:00Well, you're the overall winner, but you have a chance now to go for our bonus prize,
00:50:10and it is the video recorder.
00:50:13Have you got one of these?
00:50:14No, I haven't.
00:50:14They really are marvellous.
00:50:15You can go out and have all the programmes taped when you come home and be playing them back.
00:50:18Now, you've just, you've learnt an awful lot about our celebrities tonight.
00:50:23Now, one of them won this trophy, you see.
00:50:26It's a Monty Python Award, 1971, and it says on the bottom,
00:50:31Clean Hands on Healthy Bodies Trophy.
00:50:34All right, then?
00:50:35Now, that is the trophy.
00:50:37It's a little bit of a giggle in a way, but everything, but I mean, that is it.
00:50:41You see, with a broken arm here, they got it in some old junk shop or somewhere.
00:50:45But who do you think, out of our panel, could possibly have been given that by the Monty Python crowd?
00:50:51And, you know, you've got ten seconds to make up your mind,
00:50:54and you make up your minds at home as well.
00:50:56Who do you think it is?
00:51:06OK.
00:51:07I think John Collins.
00:51:09You think it's Joan?
00:51:10Mm-hmm.
00:51:12Well, who is it?
00:51:13Let's see who it is.
00:51:18It was...
00:51:19It was...
00:51:19It was ready.
00:51:22I'm sorry.
00:51:22You see, it's a shame.
00:51:26But you're still our overall winner, and you won £350.
00:51:30And I know you're going to stay and sort of thank the stars that have helped you,
00:51:33as I'm going to thank them now.
00:51:34We have Joan, Reggie, Carol, Jimmy, Susan.
00:51:38Here we are.
00:51:39Thank you for being with us.
00:51:40And we hope you've enjoyed this relaxed game show with a difference,
00:51:46but don't go away because in part three we have the all-action segment
00:51:50with long-limbed Juliette Prowse.
00:51:53Don't go away.
00:51:53APPLAUSE
00:51:54And we'll be right back.
00:51:55APPLAUSE
00:52:25I'm not, I'm liable to stray, to cut the strings and spread my wings and quietly fly away.
00:52:40So why do the ladies love me?
00:52:49I don't know why the ladies love me.
00:52:57Adorable, I'm not, deplorable, maybe.
00:53:06I kiss the girls and make them cry
00:53:12John Derrick style, that's me
00:53:15So why do they all adore me?
00:53:24As you can see
00:53:27They all adore me
00:53:33Perhaps one clue
00:53:40I love the ladies
00:53:44I really do
00:53:48Dependable, it's not
00:53:51Dependable, I doubt
00:53:55But still I think that he's a thing
00:54:01No girl can do without
00:54:04And arrogant, I'm not
00:54:10He's not
00:54:27But arrogant, I am
00:54:31He is
00:54:32Do I care what they think of me?
00:54:36Don't give a damn
00:54:39And that's why the ladies love me
00:54:47I mean, god damn
00:54:51They really love me
00:54:55We've grown accustomed to his face
00:54:59Perhaps
00:55:00I do know why
00:55:05The ladies love me
00:55:10And so do I
00:55:15So who's the lucky one tonight then?
00:55:38Juliet
00:55:41Ladies and gentlemen
00:55:42Miss Juliet
00:55:43Pratt
00:55:44Hi darling, you're here
00:55:47You're here
00:55:48But come over there
00:55:49I can see a couple of stools
00:55:50Come
00:55:52Okay
00:55:53Sit yourself up there
00:55:54Thank you
00:55:55And there we are
00:55:55That's right
00:55:55Oh, by the way
00:55:57I'm sorry I didn't meet you at the airport
00:55:59No
00:55:59Oh, forgive me
00:56:00But you know, I dant
00:56:01At the moment, I dant
00:56:02Well, you see
00:56:03You've only got to show up at an airport
00:56:05To meet someone
00:56:05In this country at the moment
00:56:06And before you know where you are
00:56:08Tongues will wag
00:56:09You'd ever talk about us?
00:56:12Well, I would for a start
00:56:13I've got such a nerve up on me
00:56:15But tell me
00:56:15Is it the same in America?
00:56:17Oh, yes
00:56:18That's definitely one thing
00:56:19We do have in common
00:56:20Gossip
00:56:21If mentioned in the gossip pages
00:56:25Some are prone to angry rages
00:56:27Cause they fear their reputations slayed
00:56:32And it's true beyond disputin'
00:56:34When a paper puts the boot in
00:56:37And says you're a slob
00:56:39Who falls down on the job
00:56:41That's the ultimate accolade
00:56:45So let Rook and Dempster have a ball
00:56:49You gotta be big
00:56:52To be there at all
00:56:56Gossip all the latest
00:57:00Gossip up to datest
00:57:02On the personalities of today
00:57:05Roddy L in a fit of pique
00:57:08Refused to street while he must speak
00:57:10Unless they pay his royalty
00:57:12He says nay
00:57:13Well, one way or the other
00:57:16Leave it to his brother
00:57:18He'll make the gossip columns
00:57:20Come what may
00:57:21Never say die
00:57:22Prince Charles to wed
00:57:23The story's phony
00:57:25He much prefers
00:57:27His polo pony
00:57:29As long as they spell your name
00:57:31Right, it's okay
00:57:32Gossip all the latest
00:57:39Gossip up to datest
00:57:41On the personalities of today
00:57:44Margaret Trudeau let out a squeal
00:57:48Said Ryan O'Neill is my ideal
00:57:50She kept tryin' to get that Ryan to play
00:57:53But she couldn't date him
00:57:55Ended up with Tatum
00:57:57She'll make the gossip columns
00:57:59Come what may
00:58:01When asked to comment
00:58:03She said shove it
00:58:04And quote me
00:58:06Cos Pierre will love it
00:58:08As long as they spell your name right
00:58:11It's okay
00:58:12So let them print their tittle tattle
00:58:15Don't get angry
00:58:18Don't get rattled
00:58:20Well, I can't stand it
00:58:22When they put a double T-E
00:58:23At the end of my name
00:58:24What, Prowse it?
00:58:27I'd rather like it
00:58:28But look, when they put an E
00:58:30On the end of my name
00:58:31I go raving mad
00:58:32Yeah, but if you didn't have an E
00:58:34It would be Bruck
00:58:35Bruck?
00:58:36Yeah
00:58:36No, I meant at the end of Forsyth
00:58:38Could you imagine that?
00:58:40What?
00:58:40What?
00:58:41Here for one night only
00:58:42Bruck
00:58:43And Prowse it
00:58:44As long as they spell your name right
00:58:47It's okay
00:58:48As long as they spell your name right
00:58:51It's okay
00:58:52You know, we didn't
00:58:58We didn't ask you to come all this way
00:59:01Just for a bit of gossip
00:59:02No
00:59:02As, you know, as nice and entertaining as it was
00:59:05Enjoyable
00:59:05Enjoyable
00:59:06But look, what we want you to do
00:59:08We'd love you to do one of your dance numbers
00:59:11You know, the sort that you're so famous for
00:59:14Oh, okay
00:59:14Will you?
00:59:15Yeah
00:59:15All right, I'm going to have you
00:59:16Just slip off that stool
00:59:17Slip down there
00:59:19And slip into something a bit more danceable
00:59:21You know, with a
00:59:22You know, okay
00:59:23And that'll be
00:59:25Take your time
00:59:25Take your time
00:59:26I'll hold the fort
00:59:27That's what I'm here for
00:59:28I'll hold the fort
00:59:29All right, then
00:59:30Isn't she a darling?
00:59:32And what I like
00:59:33Such a professional
00:59:33Oh, she's changed
00:59:35Ladies and gentlemen
00:59:36Miss Juliet Prowse
00:59:38There's a voice in the lonesome way
00:59:51There's a voice in the lonesome way
00:59:59Free and easy
01:00:06That's my style
01:00:09How to do me
01:00:12Watch me smile
01:00:15Farewell me
01:00:18After a while
01:00:21Cause I got a room
01:00:26And any place
01:00:29I might
01:00:32Is home
01:00:34Sweet and water
01:00:41Cherry wine
01:00:44Thank you kindly
01:00:47Suits me fine
01:00:50Kansas City
01:00:53Caroline
01:00:56That's my home
01:01:00And any place
01:01:05I have my hat
01:01:08Well, it's home
01:01:10Birds roosting in the trees
01:01:19Get up and go
01:01:22And the going cruise
01:01:25That's how it ought to be
01:01:30I get up too
01:01:33When your spirit moves me
01:01:38When your spirit moves me
01:01:40If you will
01:02:03know
01:02:04That's how it ought to be
01:04:37Yeah, yeah, that'll do, that one.
01:04:39Yeah, with the clogs, it'll look lovely.
01:04:40Okay?
01:04:41And come back, darling.
01:04:43Take your time.
01:04:44Take your time.
01:04:45That's what I'm here for.
01:04:46All right, then.
01:04:47But it'll be nice to have a little chat.
01:04:49Isn't she adorable?
01:04:50You see what I mean?
01:04:50And as I said before, such a professional, you know, and she makes rugs in her spare time.
01:04:56Reggie Bozenpitz put his name down for one.
01:04:59You know, and she really is.
01:05:01And those legs, oh, you've changed already, yeah?
01:05:04The way those legs of yours go up and sometimes they nearly don't come down again.
01:05:07It really isn't that.
01:05:09Do you know, it's so lovely to have you back in the country again.
01:05:12Oh, it's good to be back.
01:05:13It really is.
01:05:13When was it the last time we worked together?
01:05:15Oh, it must be about ten years now.
01:05:17And of course, a lot has happened in the last ten years.
01:05:21I mean, I've got five years older for a start.
01:05:23But look, forget about all that.
01:05:25Did you get the flowers I sent to your dressing room?
01:05:28Flowers?
01:05:29The flowers?
01:05:30No.
01:05:31But you know what I did get?
01:05:33A tub of margarine.
01:05:34A tub of margarine?
01:05:38I said interflora.
01:05:41Get interflora.
01:05:43Forget it.
01:05:44But anyway, the margarine will come in handy.
01:05:46I mean, you can tell you're not on the battle.
01:05:48I mean, you've got such a marvellous shape.
01:05:50You really have.
01:05:50I mean, being a dancer, I suppose you have to keep in great.
01:05:53Good physical shape.
01:05:54Sure do.
01:05:54But you know something?
01:05:56You look pretty good yourself.
01:05:57Really?
01:05:58Really?
01:05:58You sure do.
01:05:58Do you diet?
01:06:00Diet?
01:06:00I'd rather starve.
01:06:02I'm very fussy about my food.
01:06:03I mean, after all, we are what we eat.
01:06:07Hmm.
01:06:08Don't you get tired living on ham?
01:06:11There's no need to be cheeky.
01:06:14No need to be cheeky.
01:06:14There's only one thing that stops Shirley MacLean from doing this show.
01:06:17Oh, what's that?
01:06:18She hates the sight of me.
01:06:20But, look, getting back to you, you know, you are in good shape.
01:06:24Have you got a secret about this at all?
01:06:26Mm-hmm.
01:06:27Yoga.
01:06:28Me too.
01:06:29I have a raspberry one every morning.
01:06:32No, Bruce.
01:06:33No, no, no, no.
01:06:34Yoga.
01:06:35Oh.
01:06:35Yoga.
01:06:36Oh, yoga.
01:06:37Yeah.
01:06:37Have you ever tried it?
01:06:38Oh, yes, as a matter of fact.
01:06:39I tried the lotus position once.
01:06:42Oh, yes?
01:06:43The trouble is I kept falling to the bottom of the lake.
01:06:45Well, sinking to the bottom?
01:06:47Will you stop that heavy breathing?
01:06:49For goodness sake, you don't help.
01:06:51Yes.
01:06:52I kept sinking to the bottom of the lake.
01:06:54They're still there.
01:06:54Right.
01:06:55Yes.
01:06:56Anyway, I'm pleased to hear that you like yogurt.
01:06:58Do you know that I make my own?
01:06:59Do you?
01:07:00Well, just about everyone in Hollywood does.
01:07:02Oh.
01:07:02All you do is get a glass of milk and Marty Feldman to stare at it.
01:07:07It's the yogurt.
01:07:08Right.
01:07:08Good old Marty.
01:07:09But let's get back to dancing.
01:07:11Do you think there's anything missing in dancing today?
01:07:14Oh, yes, Bruce.
01:07:15The romance has all gone out of it.
01:07:17You're so right.
01:07:18The romance has gone.
01:07:20Well, let's put it back in.
01:07:21Hmm?
01:07:22Who's to stop us?
01:07:23And what's more, who's to know?
01:07:25Who's to know?
01:07:32Play a song for dancing
01:07:51All night long for dancing
01:07:54Foxtrot, Bossa Nova
01:07:56Watch my feet take over
01:08:00Play for me for dancing
01:08:03One, two, three, for dancing
01:08:06While I slide and slip in
01:08:09Fancy steps like dipping
01:08:12When the hips are moving
01:08:15Things begin improving
01:08:18With the limbs in action
01:08:21Instant satisfaction
01:08:24That's the menu
01:08:27When you know how
01:08:30So for me
01:08:32The answer is
01:08:34To be a dancer
01:08:37When the beats
01:08:39In spite of your feet
01:08:40Cannot get tired
01:08:43Make it strong for dancing
01:08:46All night long for dancing
01:08:49Play a song for dancing
01:08:52And now
01:08:53guitar solo
01:09:23I love to dance every single dance
01:09:32When I'm holding you in my arms
01:09:37No need to speak, just cheek to cheek
01:09:44To be polite as a feather
01:09:48We're even breathing together
01:09:51And as we travel across the floor
01:09:56Seems it's more like floating on air
01:10:01Come and dance with me
01:10:06You and I could be
01:10:09Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire
01:10:13Tell the band to blow
01:10:19Every tune they know
01:10:21And throw in a tango or two
01:10:25How I love to dance
01:10:30Every single dance
01:10:33When the girl in my arms
01:10:37Is you
01:10:41I love to dance every single dance
01:10:51When you're holding me in your arms
01:10:57Every girl needs someone who needs
01:11:04No harm forgetting the sweet talk
01:11:08When we are letting our feet talk
01:11:11Whenever I hear the music start
01:11:15Baby, you're the partner I choose
01:11:21You were born to be
01:11:25Cheek to cheek with me
01:11:28A girl, Maury, can shine your shoes
01:11:33Round and round we go
01:11:38Is there ground below?
01:11:41This feeling's too good to be true
01:11:45How I love to dance every single dance
01:11:52When the man in my arms
01:11:56Is you
01:12:00You're born to be
01:12:04You're even born to be
01:12:21You're日本
01:12:23God
01:12:24You're evaporating
01:12:26And life
01:12:27You're heaven
01:12:30How I love to dance
01:12:44Every single dance
01:12:47When the man in my arms
01:12:50When the girl in my arms
01:12:54It's you
01:12:59I love to dance
01:13:04I love to dance
01:13:18I love to dance
01:13:20Through another chorus
01:13:23Fiannese or Latin
01:13:26Keep it smooth and saggy
01:13:29Slow step, slow then quick beat
01:13:32Drummer hits that kick beat
01:13:34When I hear that rhythm
01:13:37Everything goes with her
01:13:40If I hold her tightly
01:13:43Ease the tempo slightly
01:13:45As I whisper to her
01:13:48Let the lyric woo her
01:13:51Dancing helps
01:13:54Romancing you'll see
01:13:57Dancing on a dime step
01:14:00Every take your time step
01:14:02On and on we're walking
01:14:05Parties do the talking
01:14:08Make it strong
01:14:09Make it strong
01:14:10For dancing
01:14:11All night long
01:14:15For dancing
01:14:16Play a song
01:14:21For dancing for me
01:14:26To sing
01:14:37Was he taking a kiff?
01:14:38Oh Juliet
01:14:45Come back and see us again, Sue.
01:14:47Okay.
01:14:47Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Juliet Pratt.
01:14:56In fact, I'd like to thank everyone for appearing on the show,
01:15:00and I hope it's been a big night for you.
01:15:15A true musician plays through all the rainy days
01:15:27And every song suffires
01:15:31He takes the stage by storm
01:15:36And keeps the music warm
01:15:40Until his luck arrives
01:15:45Then a melody appears
01:15:51Taking him past the weather-beaten years
01:15:57I made it through the rain
01:16:03And kept my songs protected
01:16:06I made it through the rain
01:16:10And played my point of view
01:16:13I made it through the rain
01:16:16And found myself respected
01:16:19By the others who got rained on too
01:16:25And made it through
01:16:29No matter how it rains
01:16:35No matter how it rains
01:16:37A singer entertains
01:16:40A music must be made
01:16:45Before you draw the rain
01:16:51Before you draw the crowd
01:16:53And start your own parade
01:16:59And start your own parade
01:17:01Then you play the clouds away
01:17:03Waiting, waiting until you hear your music say
01:17:09I made it through the rain
01:17:11I made it through the rain
01:17:13I made it through the rain
01:17:14I kept my songs protected
01:17:17I made it through the rain
01:17:20I played my point of view
01:17:22I played my point of view
01:17:23I made it through
01:17:27I found myself respected
01:17:29I found myself respected
01:17:30I found myself respected
01:17:31By the others who
01:17:32The others who got rained on too
01:17:36And made it through
01:17:39And made it through
01:17:43And made it through
01:17:45And made it through
01:17:50And made it through
01:17:52And made it through
01:17:54Good night, everybody.
01:18:04Good night, everybody.
01:18:34Good night, everybody.
01:18:35Good night, everybody.
01:18:36Good night, everybody.
01:18:37Good night, everybody.
01:18:38Good night, everybody.
01:18:39Good night, everybody.
01:18:40Good night, everybody.
01:18:41Good night, everybody.
01:18:42Good night, everybody.
01:18:43Good night, everybody.
01:18:44Good night, everybody.
01:18:45Good night, everybody.
01:18:46Good night, everybody.
01:18:47Good night, everybody.
01:18:48Good night, everybody.
01:18:49Good night, everybody.
01:18:50Good night, everybody.
01:18:51Good night, everybody.
01:18:52Good night, everybody.
01:18:53Good night, everybody.
01:18:54Good night, everybody.
01:18:55Good night, everybody.
01:18:56Good night, everybody.
01:18:57Good night, everybody.
01:18:58Good night, everybody.
01:18:59Good night, everybody.
01:19:00Good night, everybody.
01:19:01Good night, everybody.
01:19:02Good night, everybody.
01:19:03Good night, everybody.
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