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00:00Hi, diddle-dee-dee, an actor's life for me.
00:07Oh, but this too, too solid flesh.
00:11That high-supporting the silver cane.
00:15Next.
00:16A watcher from the diamond chain.
00:18Fair boy or honest, son's a face.
00:21Great.
00:21Next.
00:22Hi, diddle-dee-dee-dee, you sleep till after two.
00:25When the bullman bears his deal to rage.
00:27Next.
00:28You problem a man with a big cigar.
00:30You tore the world in a great big car.
00:32You dine on chicken and caviar.
00:34My naked villainy and she must say, yeah, yeah, I know next.
00:41An actor's life for me.
00:43An actor's life for me.
00:46Diddle-dee-dee, diddle-dee-dee-dee, diddle-dee-dee, diddle-dee-dee, diddle-dee-dee.
00:52Oh, well, that was a lovely evening.
00:56And it's lovely to see you.
00:58And I thought you were super dear.
01:01Thanks, Mum.
01:02There you go, son.
01:03Oh.
01:04My own wee boy on the professional stage playing Shakespeare.
01:09It was only a fringe production, Gene.
01:11So what?
01:12You're a clever boy.
01:14I thought you were great, Robbie.
01:17Hey, Robert.
01:19Why did you leave out that to be or not to be speech?
01:22I love that one.
01:24Ah, I was playing Macbeth, Mum.
01:27That's Hamlet.
01:29Oh.
01:30Your mother knows nothing about the theatre.
01:31But, er, what about the critics, sir?
01:35Do they not bother coming to a little fringe production like yours?
01:38Actually, we had a bloke from The Times in.
01:40Oh, The Times?
01:42What did he say?
01:44Er, he thought, er, Robbie shouldn't have attempted a Scottish accent.
01:49For goodness sake, are they not hopeless?
01:53Well, I thought you weren't bad, Robert.
01:57Not bad at all.
01:58You're learning.
02:00Thanks, Dad.
02:02But you're not as good as Duncan MacLeish, though.
02:04Oh, he was the best Macbeth I've ever seen.
02:06Who's Duncan MacLeish?
02:08He's our local policeman.
02:10From the Strathmore Players.
02:13Remember?
02:14Duncan MacLeish better than me.
02:16I saw that production.
02:17It was terrible.
02:18He was superb.
02:20Played the part brilliantly.
02:21He did the to be or not to be speech.
02:23Yes, well, he did get a wee bit muddled up here and there,
02:27but at least he didn't mumble like you young actors today.
02:30And he looked right.
02:32He looked like a king.
02:33He looked like a policeman.
02:34He'd his helmet on in the first scene.
02:37Well, come straight from duty, you can't blame him for that.
02:39But he could have taught you a thing or two.
02:42Here, bathroom's through there, Sue, isn't it?
02:44Yeah, that's right, Gordon, that door there.
02:48Robbie?
02:49Well, just cos he's chairman of the Strathmore Players,
02:51he thinks he's Sir Peter Hall.
02:52Look, not bad, Robbie.
02:54You're learning.
02:56Silly old.
02:56Now, now, Robert.
02:58Well.
02:59So, what are you up to next?
03:01Have you got any other parts lined up?
03:03We're going to go on holiday.
03:05Oh, that's nice.
03:06Yeah, he finishes in a month and it's the end of term for me,
03:09so we're going away for a bit.
03:10Oh.
03:11I'm not.
03:13I need to be available.
03:14I reckon when this part finishes, I could be in demand.
03:17You're never in demand.
03:18Oh, come on, Robbie.
03:21Don't do this to me again.
03:23You know, you won't go away in case some job turns up.
03:25It's pathetic.
03:26We haven't had a holiday in two years.
03:28We have.
03:29I did some location filming.
03:31Sue came with me.
03:32A little thing set in Moscow, Mum.
03:34Oh, Moscow?
03:36It was shot in Bradford.
03:39Three days in Bradford in February is not my idea of an annual holiday.
03:44Well, I liked it.
03:46You promised we'd go away.
03:47I've changed my mind.
03:49Just because your dad's upset, you don't take it out on me.
03:52Dad?
03:52It's got nothing to do with my dad.
03:54Just because he's hurt your precious ego, you've got to show who's boss, haven't you?
03:58That's just so typical of you.
03:59You're such a kid.
04:00Oh, well, fine.
04:01Go ahead and book the holiday.
04:02Drag me away when I'm about to become a megastar.
04:05See if I care.
04:07Right.
04:07I will.
04:10Well, it's lovely to see you.
04:12I don't believe it.
04:16I do not believe it.
04:18Unknown amateur Duncan MacLeish has been cast as Rob Roy in Ridley Scott's new film.
04:22Shooting begins next week.
04:24Yes, isn't it?
04:25Marvellous, old boy.
04:27But I'm trying to sign him up.
04:29Ridley saw him play Macbeth, apparently, and preferred him to all the professionals he saw.
04:34And he saw every Scottish actor who could possibly play the part.
04:38He never saw me.
04:43Yes, well, I don't think he was looking for someone like you.
04:46The part called for a Scottish actor in his late 20s of medium build and six foot three in height.
04:51That is me!
04:53Yes, but...
04:54Why didn't you put me up for it?
04:55There was no point.
04:56Get away on holiday next week when they start filming.
04:59And Sue told me you'd be unavailable.
05:01I knew I would be in demand.
05:02I told her, but no, she's got to go ahead and...
05:05God, that part is perfect for me and now PC Plod's playing it.
05:10Oh, no, Robert.
05:11Bloody Sue.
05:12Bloody holiday.
05:14Going somewhere nice?
05:15Bloody grease.
05:16So, are there any other great parts that I'm missing out on next week?
05:22Nope.
05:23Nothing at all, old boy.
05:25Nothing.
05:25Well, no, nothing.
05:27What?
05:28What, Desmond?
05:29Well, a TV producer was interested in you, but I wouldn't recommend it.
05:35It's a terrible part.
05:36What is it, Desmond?
05:37It's a night shoot next Monday.
05:40A deformed gravedigger.
05:41Two lines.
05:45In an adaptation of a Barbara Cartland novel for Sky Television.
05:50I'll do it.
05:52Don't be silly.
05:53You're going on holiday.
05:54I'll do it.
05:55I'm sick and tired of people telling me what I can and cannot do.
05:58I'll decide.
06:00Get him on the phone, Desmond, and tell him I'm available.
06:02Robert?
06:03I don't even have to cancel the holiday, not if it's Monday.
06:07I can just go a day later.
06:09Brenda, get me Sky Television, would you?
06:12You'll tell Sue, will you?
06:14Yeah, don't you worry about her.
06:15I'll handle Sue.
06:17No problem.
06:20Uh, Sue?
06:22I can't decide which one of these to take.
06:25Oh, I can't wait for Monday morning.
06:27Yeah.
06:28At last.
06:30A proper holiday.
06:31No hitches, no hold-ups.
06:33Just the two of us.
06:34Mmm.
06:37Er, Sue.
06:40I think there's something I ought to tell you.
06:42What?
06:44I think I prefer that one.
06:47Oh, I do love you.
06:48Oh.
06:49I'll try it on eggs.
06:50It's a bit.
06:51Yeah.
06:51The general public think that medium moguls are somehow different from ordinary folk.
07:03What were you not, really?
07:05Er, oh, do excuse me.
07:08Oh, 543.
07:09Desmond, listen, it's Robert.
07:10Oh, I'm so glad you rang, old boy.
07:12I've got the details of the filming schedule for you.
07:15Good.
07:15And the contract's all fixed.
07:18Nothing to worry about.
07:20How did Sue take the news about the holiday?
07:23Er, well, actually, that's what I was ringing about, Desmond.
07:26You have told her?
07:29Well, no.
07:30I couldn't, Desmond.
07:31She's so excited about this holiday.
07:32I couldn't do it to her.
07:34Oh, for goodness sake.
07:35Well, couldn't you get him to recast?
07:36It's only the part of a deformed grave digger.
07:39What?
07:40You've instructed me to get you this part.
07:42Well, yes, I know.
07:43No way can I get him to recast.
07:44I have a reputation to maintain.
07:46Desmond, if I tell Sue that I'm delaying her holiday for Barbara Cartland, she'll kill me.
07:51Well, you'll have to tell her something.
07:53They start shooting in Highgate, and a car will pick you up at Ealing Station at midnight on Monday.
07:58So be there.
08:02Sorry about that, Mr McLeish.
08:05Hey, what do you think?
08:23It's fine.
08:25Well, just say if you don't like it, Robert.
08:27I don't want anything to spoil this holiday.
08:29No, nor me.
08:33Oh, no.
08:35Oh, no.
08:36What?
08:37Oh, no.
08:39What is it?
08:41You'd better see for yourself.
08:43Third one down.
08:47Collins, Edward.
08:49Dearest husband of Sheila and father of Jessica.
08:52Died suddenly on the 13th.
08:54I'm sorry, I don't understand.
08:56You wouldn't, but...
08:57But that man was my father.
09:02What?
09:03Your father?
09:06Never told you this before, Sue, but...
09:08My real parents had me adopted.
09:11They were very young.
09:12Certainly were.
09:13It says here, died suddenly on the 13th, aged 36.
09:17That means he had you when he was eight.
09:23No, no, no, no, no.
09:24It's the fourth one down.
09:25Ronald Collins.
09:27Sorry.
09:28I'm just a bit shocked, that's all.
09:32Ronald Collins.
09:34Dearest husband of Lynne and father of Barry.
09:37Died peacefully after a short illness.
09:40That's the one.
09:42Oh.
09:43I'm sorry, Robbie, I really am.
09:45That's terrible.
09:46It's very distressing.
09:48When does it say the funeral is?
09:50Um, oh, Monday afternoon.
09:54He really is your father, then?
09:57Mm-hm.
09:58So Gordon and Jean adopted you?
10:00Mm-hm.
10:02Why don't you believe me?
10:04No, it's not that.
10:05It's just that...
10:06I'm sure I could remember Jean saying you were an extremely easy...
10:09early birth.
10:13Yeah, well, I was.
10:14She didn't have to have me, did she?
10:19That's her way of talking about it.
10:21It's very traumatic.
10:23You know, Gordon and Jean adopted me
10:25when they found they couldn't have children of their own.
10:28So your brothers are adopted, then?
10:31Well, yeah, yeah, of course.
10:33And it explains such a lot.
10:36You know, it explains why I don't get on with Gordon.
10:41Cos he's not my real dad.
10:43And why that critic thought my Scottish accent was a bit odd.
10:47Cos I'm not really Scottish.
10:49It makes sense when you think about it.
10:53When does it say the funeral is?
10:55Monday.
10:57Well, I think you ought to go to it, Robbie.
10:58No, no, no, I don't want to ruin the holiday.
11:02Oh, well, maybe you're right.
11:04I mean...
11:05You know, he is very important to me,
11:08and he is my dad, and...
11:11You know, if I could just go to Donald's funeral, I'd feel...
11:14Ronald's funeral?
11:15Ronald's funeral, I'd feel a lot better.
11:19And, I mean, you know, it didn't ruin the holiday, you know?
11:23Well, you could still fly out on the Monday,
11:25because I don't want to spoil your holiday for you.
11:29And I could go to the funeral in the afternoon,
11:33then have a quiet night here, on my own,
11:36recovering...
11:38emotionally.
11:40And then I could join you on the Tuesday.
11:43I mean, that would be all right, wouldn't it?
11:44Well, of course it would.
11:46I mean, of course you must go to the funeral, Robbie.
11:48Yeah.
11:50Yeah, you're right.
11:51And I must come with you.
11:55And obviously, I can't let you go alone.
11:59You can.
12:01No, you're going to need me,
12:03because Monday's going to be a very upsetting and traumatic day for you.
12:07I know.
12:08Oh!
12:08I'll be working late tonight, so don't bother to cook.
12:16What?
12:17Not even for myself?
12:20What's the matter?
12:23Robert's off to Greece today.
12:25Aye, well.
12:27Well, I thought you might like to give him a wee phone.
12:29Wish him luck.
12:30His girlfriend's taking him on holiday.
12:32How much more luck does he need?
12:34You know what I mean.
12:36Why can't you be nicer to him?
12:38Oh, not that again.
12:40Well, telling him he's not bad as Macbeth.
12:43Could you not lie a wee bit?
12:45I was lying.
12:46I thought he was terrible.
12:48Gordon, you're too cold towards him.
12:50You always have been, ever since he was born.
12:53I sometimes think you don't care for him at all.
12:55All right, all right.
12:56I'll give them a ring if it makes you happy.
13:05Damn.
13:10Hello?
13:11Hello, Sue.
13:12Can I have a quick word with Robert?
13:13It's Gordon here.
13:15Gordon, it's a bit awkward right now.
13:17He's in the car.
13:17We're just about to dash off to a funeral.
13:19A funeral?
13:20I thought you were going on holiday.
13:22Yeah, we've put it off a day.
13:23You might as well know, it's his father's funeral.
13:35He's what?
13:37His father.
13:38You know, his real father.
13:40Robbie's told me he's not your son.
13:45Has he?
13:46I know you've had your ups and downs,
13:48but I must say, I think it's terrific
13:50the way you've treated him as your own.
13:52Oh.
13:52Look, I'm sorry.
13:54I bet it's, uh...
13:55It's been great.
13:56Okay, bye.
14:01Aye, bye-bye.
14:14It was a lovely service, wasn't it?
14:16Oh.
14:17Can I go now?
14:19It's quite upsetting, really.
14:20Hey, your wreath looks nice.
14:23Oh.
14:25Very upsetting, really.
14:28It cost me 60 quid, that wreath.
14:3060?
14:31When?
14:32You said family flowers only.
14:35You are family, Robbie.
14:37I mean, he was your dad.
14:39You owe it to your dad.
14:41I owe it to the bank now.
14:42Can we go, please?
14:49Don't you want to speak to your mother?
14:51No.
14:52I don't think it would be right.
14:55She looks very dignified, doesn't she?
14:57Mm.
14:59Very elegant.
15:01Mm.
15:01Well, I must say, I never expected her to be Chinese.
15:10Mm.
15:12Because, I mean, you don't look at all Chinese.
15:16Yeah, I'd probably take after my father.
15:20Your brother looks Chinese.
15:22Mm.
15:23Robbie?
15:25I mean...
15:25Do you think I'm stupid?
15:30That woman is not your mother.
15:33I mean, come on, what's going on?
15:35You're lying to me, aren't you?
15:38I can't believe you just said that.
15:43You think I would lie about something like this?
15:46You think I would be sick enough to drag you down to someone else's funeral?
15:51Yes.
15:52Oh, hello.
15:57Friends of the family, are you?
16:00I'm Mrs Dobbs.
16:01I live next door, and this is my friend Mrs J.
16:07Teas back at Lynn's place.
16:09Come on.
16:09Oh, thank you, but we really have to get off.
16:13Sad, isn't it?
16:15Very sad.
16:16Yes, well, especially for Lynn and Barry,
16:19because, well, there's only the two of them now.
16:22They've not another relative in the whole world.
16:24No.
16:25Well, except for, um,
16:28Barry's half-brother.
16:30Well, you know, Ronald's son.
16:33The one who was adopted at birth.
16:38You know,
16:39I thought everyone knew,
16:42yes, Ronald had this fling with a woman up the road,
16:45and he stinks,
16:47and they had a son.
16:48I'm sorry.
16:54Of course.
16:55No-one's seen him since then.
16:58Probably doesn't even know that Ronald's died.
17:01We don't know where he is.
17:03Actually, Mrs Dobbs,
17:04I've got some news for you.
17:06No, sir.
17:07We do know where he is.
17:09He's here.
17:11No.
17:11Oh, my God.
17:14After all this time.
17:18Yes.
17:20It's me.
17:23Well, bye.
17:25What?
17:25We can't go now.
17:27Yes, we can.
17:28Mrs Dobbs?
17:29Yes, yes.
17:29This, uh, Wendy Sphinx, Robert's mother,
17:32where is she now?
17:33Oh.
17:34I'm afraid she's dead, dear.
17:37Well, thank God for that.
17:41She's missed this.
17:43Very upsetting day.
17:46Oh.
17:47Oh, you poor thing.
17:50What a dear boy you are.
17:52Oh, Lynn is going to be ever so excited to meet you.
17:56What?
17:57Oh, yes, dear.
17:58What?
17:59Oh, yes.
18:00What?
18:01You must come back for a cup of tea.
18:03Uh, no, no, no, no.
18:04Really, thank you.
18:05Definitely.
18:06No.
18:06No.
18:07No.
18:08So your mother was that Sphinx woman, eh?
18:12Well, it makes me sick!
18:17Barry!
18:19Oh!
18:23Oh, what?
18:25Hope he's not having one of his turns.
18:27Oh, no!
18:29Barry!
18:30Oh, yes, well, he's got a bit of a problem.
18:32Um, you know.
18:35It's hereditary, apparently.
18:37Yes.
18:39He gets it from Ronald.
18:41Hereditary?
18:44What are you looking at me for?
18:45Well, it's only an imbalance, dear, and it causes all these extreme mood changes.
18:51Oh, Robbie, you get those.
18:53I do not get those!
18:55I was just saying the other day how moody he is.
18:57Hmm.
18:58Well, luckily, they got Barry on a course of treatment now, but...
19:03Oh!
19:04If you ask me, it's too late.
19:06It is.
19:07He's already spent some time inside for a salt.
19:11Yeah.
19:12Phil, excuse me, lad.
19:13He's not feeling too good.
19:14I'd better go to the loo.
19:15Oh, what?
19:16He's upstairs off of the landing, dear.
19:18Yeah.
19:25Barry!
19:27Hi.
19:27Ah, just got up to the loo.
19:31It's up there.
19:32Yeah?
19:32Yeah, I know.
19:33I'll find it, thanks.
19:35Mum says I've got to treat you like a brother.
19:37Good.
19:38Yeah.
19:38So, can you lend me some money?
19:42What?
19:43That's what brothers do, isn't it?
19:45Help each other out.
19:46Fifty quid should do.
19:48Mm, a bit strapped for cash at the moment, Baz.
19:51Yeah.
19:51Thought you might be.
19:54Because that's why you're real, isn't it?
19:56To get hold of Dad's money.
20:00I like your tie.
20:02It's very tie-ish.
20:03Well, you're not going to.
20:06You're not in the will.
20:08And don't you try and change it.
20:10Because if you do, there'll be another death in the family.
20:18Got that?
20:21Brother.
20:23It is best not to take the risk.
20:25No, well, I suppose you're right.
20:28Oh, Robbie.
20:30Are you feeling better?
20:32Uh, no, I think we ought to go.
20:34I don't feel too good.
20:35You know, a long day tomorrow, what with a holiday.
20:38I think we should cancel the holiday, Robert.
20:41What?
20:42Sue tells me you may have Ronald's problem.
20:45It is best not to fly.
20:46It's the pressure.
20:47It's too risky.
20:49Oh.
20:51You poor dear.
20:53Oh, Lynn's got a psychiatrist who you can visit for the tests.
20:56A Dr. Schwartz.
20:57You must control this thing.
20:59When my Barry becomes over-excited, he is terrible.
21:03No, really?
21:05He has no control.
21:06I have even caught him sleepwalking in the streets.
21:10That's right.
21:11He almost got run over, Robbie.
21:13Almost?
21:15Isn't life cruel?
21:18Lynn says you need eight hours sleep a night and good, healthy living.
21:22Oh, great.
21:22I expect I could manage that.
21:23Oh, God, what's this?
21:28Goat's milk, Robert.
21:29Goat's milk?
21:31The doctor says it is best for Barry.
21:32It is high in protein.
21:34Oh, it's high in smell.
21:37Diet's very important, Robbie.
21:39Plenty of fresh vegetables, Sue, and meat with very high protein levels, especially pig's brains.
21:45Pig's brains?
21:46Okay.
21:47Pig's brains, not okay.
21:48Please have some in the kitchen you can take home.
21:50Oh, thanks.
21:51There, there, dear.
21:53It's all for the best.
21:54You also need vitamin B12 supplements.
21:58Barry gets that from a liver injection once a week in his bottom.
22:02Oh, my God.
22:04So you give that to him too, yes?
22:06I certainly will, yeah.
22:07So have you got all that, Robert?
22:08Mmm.
22:10It's pig's brains and vegetables washed down with a pint of goat's milk and a pound of liver pumped up my bottom.
22:19And you wonder why Barry's mad.
22:23So, it's an early night for you, okay?
22:32Mmm.
22:33You heard what you said.
22:34You need your sleep.
22:35So off you go to bed, Robbie.
22:37I'll get your supper ready.
22:38Mmm.
22:39Hey, wasn't it kind of lint, give us these?
22:44Now, what about veggies or salad?
22:46What do you want to eat this with?
22:47My eyes closed.
22:51Go on, off you go.
22:52Oh, five, four, three.
23:08Desmond, it's Robert.
23:09Did you listen to my message?
23:10Yes, I did.
23:11Robert, you are mad, pretending to be adopted or never possessed you.
23:15I was in a panic.
23:16It was the best I could come up with at the time.
23:18Listen, Desmond, I'm really sorry, but I cannot do this filming tonight.
23:22Sue's still with me.
23:23I can't get rid of her.
23:24I'm having the worst day of my life.
23:27She's cooking me pig's brains at the moment.
23:29I'm very sorry, Robert, but you've got to do the filming.
23:33There's no way out of it.
23:35But don't you worry about Sue and this Dr. Schwartz.
23:38I'll sort it out.
23:39It'll give me an opportunity to use my considerable acting talent.
23:42What?
23:43Leave it to me.
23:44You make sure you get that car by 12.
23:59Miss Bishop, this is Heinrich Schwartz.
24:14Mrs. Lynn Collins asked me to ring you to get in touch with you, good get.
24:19Herr Dr. Schwartz, is it?
24:21Yeah.
24:22You need not worry about Robert.
24:24His father had him at birth tested, so he does not have the illness, so he does not need the treatment, nor the pig's brains eat.
24:36Ah, das ist sehr beruhigend, Herr Dr. Schwartz.
24:43Ich bin sehr nervös gewesen wegen Robert, verstehen Sie?
24:47I'm sorry, I do not German speak.
24:52You are German.
24:53Yeah, but German with bad memory.
24:58I forget it all.
25:02Desmond, this is pathetic.
25:03Robert's put you up to this, hasn't he?
25:05What?
25:06Look, I know he won't admit his ill, but he is, and I'm trying to help him.
25:10I see.
25:11So please, don't interfere.
25:13I see.
25:13I see.
25:13I see.
25:13I see.
25:13I see.
25:13I see.
25:13I see.
25:14I see.
25:15I see.
25:15I see.
25:15I see.
25:16I see.
25:16I see.
25:17I see.
25:18I see.
25:20I see.
25:21I see.
25:22I see.
25:23I see.
25:23I see.
25:24I see.
25:25I see.
25:26I see.
25:27I see.
25:28I see.
25:29I see.
25:30I see.
25:31I see.
25:32I see.
25:33I see.
25:34I see.
25:35I see.
25:36I see.
25:37I see.
25:38I see.
25:39I see.
25:40I see.
25:41I see.
25:42I see.
25:43I see.
25:44I see.
25:45I see.
25:46I see.
25:47I see.
25:48.
26:01Robbie?
26:04Robbie?
26:08Oh, God.
26:10Robbie!
26:12Heee!
26:13I've got to look out for some missing nutter, his dad's just died and he might be sleepwalking.
26:22Excuse me, sir.
26:23Hang on, I'll check he's awake.
26:24Oh.
26:25Oh.
26:26Oh.
26:27Oh.
26:28Oh.
26:29Oh.
26:30Oh.
26:31Oh.
26:32Oh.
26:33Oh.
26:34Oh.
26:35Oh.
26:36Oh.
26:37Oh.
26:38Oh.
26:39Oh.
26:40Oh.
26:41Oh, Mr. Robert Nielsen.
26:46Yes?
26:47I wonder if you could come with us, sir.
26:52Well, actually, I'm in a bit of a hurry, I've got to get into the cemetery, I'm a grave digger
26:56and...
26:57Oh, God, he's gonna dig up his dad!
27:00Grab him.
27:01I know you don't understand, I'm being filmed.
27:03It's for television.
27:04Of course you are, sir.
27:05Delusions of grand, dearie.
27:06In we get, sir.
27:07Thanks, I'll look after him.
27:09Yeah, thanks!
27:10Thanks.
27:12What have you been up to, Robert?
27:14Nothing.
27:15It's the illness, Sue.
27:17Sleepwalking.
27:18What, you got dressed in your sleep?
27:20The mysteries of the human mind.
27:22Who can explain that?
27:23You've certainly got some explaining to do.
27:25Come on, there's someone here to see you.
27:31Oh, Robert!
27:33Oh, God.
27:35Right, I want to know what's going on here, boy.
27:37What do you mean by telling Sue that I'm not your father?
27:40I've had it out with your mother, she denies everything.
27:47I've never been with another man.
27:50How could you say such things?
27:53I mean, look at the state here.
27:55I should be at work, but oh, no, I've had to drive all the way down here,
27:58breaking every speed limit so she can sort it out with you.
28:00Well, come on, what's going on?
28:03Made it all up, that's all.
28:07You what?
28:08You made it up?
28:09Yeah, everything.
28:12I'd got a job lined up, so I had to delay the holidays,
28:15so I pretended that I had another family so that I could go to the funeral,
28:18so that I could do the job tonight.
28:21That's all.
28:23So, Ronald's not your father?
28:25No.
28:26And you're not illegitimate?
28:27No.
28:28Just a bastard?
28:29Yes.
28:31With a sore face?
28:33What?
28:34No.
28:36Oh!
28:37Oh!
28:38Oh!
28:39A heist of attenance
28:42And the pain of the two
28:43And the pain you came
28:44Hi, diddle-dee-doo
28:46You sleep till after two
28:48You promenade with a big cigar
28:50You tour the world
28:51And a great big car
28:52You die on children
28:53And beyond
28:54An actor's life for you
28:56If we could pick and choose
28:59And nature wasn't a factor
29:01We had a bit of news
29:03I think the life of an actor
29:05Hi, diddle-dee-doo
29:07You sleep till after two
29:09You promenade with a big cigar
29:12You tour the world
29:13And a great big car
29:14You die on children
29:15But you are
29:16An actor's life for me
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