Bruce Forsyth's Big Night (1978) S01E06 - Sammy Davis Jnr, Francoise Pascal, Kenny Everett, Phil Parkes - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00:00Yes, it's Bruce Forsyth's Big Night.

00:00:21With Beat the Goalie.

00:00:24The final of the Disco Championship.

00:00:28This week's Joke Boat.

00:00:31And special guest Sammy Davis Jr.

00:00:38Ladies and gentlemen, Bruce Forsyth.

00:00:51Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.

00:00:54Good evening ladies, gentlemen, children, nice to see you, to see you...

00:00:58Nights.

00:00:59It could be a very...

00:01:01Thinights.

00:01:02When?

00:01:03Tonight.

00:01:04Then no, no, nothing.

00:01:05Come on!

00:01:06I don't know where you are, you may be near or far, so let's get the network together.

00:01:17It's Saturday night.

00:01:18You know, a lot of people think that before the show I prime the audience and I rehearse all

00:01:22that shouting backwards and forwards a bit.

00:01:24Well, believe me, nothing could be further from the...

00:01:26It always takes me totally by...

00:01:27Surprise!

00:01:28In fact, the opening of the show is absolutely...

00:01:29Solentaneous!

00:01:30And completely...

00:01:31And...

00:01:32Yeah, that's true, isn't it?

00:01:33Melody!

00:01:34Yeah, I'll get it!

00:01:35I'll get it!

00:01:36I'll get it!

00:01:37Oh, I'm very funny!

00:01:38All right!

00:01:39Doing private jokes.

00:01:40We have a rather hostile audience here this evening, ladies and gentlemen.

00:01:44As you can tell, they're a tip-top audience, so they look as though they fell off the top

00:01:46of a tip.

00:01:47It's the big night in on ITV.

00:01:48I can't see you, but you can see me on the network.

00:01:49Every Saturday night.

00:01:50I'll get it!

00:01:51I'll get it!

00:01:52I'll get it!

00:01:53I'll get it!

00:01:54Oh, I'm very funny!

00:01:55All right!

00:01:56Doing private jokes.

00:01:58We have a rather hostile audience here this evening, ladies and gentlemen.

00:02:01As you can tell, they're a tip-top audience, so they look as though they fell off the

00:02:05top of a tip.

00:02:07It's the big night in on ITV.

00:02:10I can't see you, but you can see me on the network.

00:02:14Every Saturday night.

00:02:17Got the whole of the network together tonight.

00:02:27All right!

00:02:29I know you're acting a very hostile audience, but I'm still going to do question time.

00:02:34All right, then.

00:02:35Say what they like.

00:02:36Ten out of ten for bravery, this kid.

00:02:38So, we're gonna put the lights up.

00:02:39Up go the lights.

00:02:40And don't talk until the microphone actually gets to you.

00:02:44All right, then.

00:02:45Because we've had a lot of fun with this in the last couple of weeks.

00:02:47Anybody got a question?

00:02:48Yeah, the lady there.

00:02:49Yes, in the blue number.

00:02:50Oh, yes.

00:02:51One I didn't see her before.

00:02:52Rather nice, yes.

00:02:53What have you got, dear?

00:02:54I mean, not what have you got, but what question have you got?

00:02:57Bruce, can you remember the first joke you ever told on stage?

00:03:01Oh, no, darling.

00:03:02I can remember the first laugh I ever got.

00:03:04Well, that's good.

00:03:06But it wasn't a joke.

00:03:08And funnily enough, as you know now, I don't tell jokes.

00:03:11You know, I never really get on a stage and tell a joke about, you know,

00:03:14the Irishman or the Englishman or the Scotsman, you know.

00:03:16I don't do jokes.

00:03:17I mean, I fiddle around with words.

00:03:19This is why I like doing this.

00:03:20I'd rather do this than stand up and tell you loads of jokes that you've heard before

00:03:24and you'd laugh again at because of the magnetism.

00:03:29Don't get unruly.

00:03:31But you see, my first laugh, I'll never forget this,

00:03:34was when I was doing an amateur variety show when I was about 12 years of age.

00:03:38And I said to before, I used to do these Saturn suit numbers and all this sort of thing.

00:03:41And wherever you went, you always had a different pianist.

00:03:44And they were always a woman with a straw hat on.

00:03:47You see?

00:03:48Sitting there like this, you go.

00:03:54Well, this particular thing, you see, I was dancing away there

00:03:58and I used to do a thing at my end of my head.

00:04:00I'd be dancing away and doing all this thing.

00:04:10And then, after the first chorus, I would go into my wings.

00:04:14You see, now my wings were things like this.

00:04:16So it was a different temper.

00:04:20So when the pianist was going...

00:04:23And I was going...

00:04:26And she was going...

00:04:28And I stopped dancing and I walked over and said,

00:04:31You!

00:04:33What?

00:04:34I said, play my music faster.

00:04:36I said, keep up with me, for goodness sake, you silly old crow.

00:04:40And the audience laughed and I was rude to this woman

00:04:43and she laughed and she nearly fell off the piano.

00:04:46And we finished together and it got a laugh.

00:04:48And I think it was just...

00:04:49It was like, I suppose, a bullfighter getting his first taste of blood, I suppose.

00:04:53But I was rude to the lady, but it didn't matter that I was rude to her.

00:04:56The audience laughed at it.

00:04:58So that was my first laugh, dear.

00:04:59Very nice.

00:05:00All right then?

00:05:01Yes.

00:05:02Oh, that was quite reminiscent, wasn't it?

00:05:04That was quite emotional then.

00:05:05Any other questions?

00:05:06Yes, you, the lady on the end there of row three there.

00:05:09Yes?

00:05:10Next door to Lylee.

00:05:12And you got a question, Lylee?

00:05:13Did you see Nick Valdo's hole in one?

00:05:16I thought you didn't see mine.

00:05:19Anybody else got a question?

00:05:21Wait, anybody else?

00:05:22Yes, you did.

00:05:23The young girl.

00:05:24The young girl down the front row there in the brown dress.

00:05:26And she had the dog earlier on.

00:05:28Right.

00:05:29Yes, dear, what would you want to know?

00:05:30I blush a lot.

00:05:31Do you ever blush?

00:05:32Yes.

00:05:33I still blush now, but not as much as I did, you know, ten years ago when I was 13.

00:05:40I used to blush a lot as a child.

00:05:42I was, you know, I'd have to walk into a room and if anybody looked at me,

00:05:45well, my Aunty Dal's here tonight, she'll tell you.

00:05:47I used to blush, especially if they used to get me to sing in the front room

00:05:50with all the relations stuck there.

00:05:52You know, and I had my set in suits and all that.

00:05:54I'd say, go and put your set in suit on and sing for the relations, you know.

00:05:57And I'd go,

00:06:00And I would flash up like mad, actually.

00:06:02But there's not much of a cure of that.

00:06:04I think it's a thing that you do get out of.

00:06:06And then with women, of course, you get rid of the blushes and then you get the flushes.

00:06:13The hot flashes, you see.

00:06:14When you do get rid of them, make the most of them

00:06:17because the hot flashes are right behind them, you know.

00:06:19It is a bit us here tonight, isn't it?

00:06:21But what's your name, dear?

00:06:22Christina.

00:06:23Christina.

00:06:24And have you got a boyfriend?

00:06:25Does he make you blush?

00:06:26Oh, yes.

00:06:28Why, what does he do?

00:06:30Shut up!

00:06:32I can ask questions as well, you know.

00:06:34Anyway, fine.

00:06:36He's not with you tonight?

00:06:37No.

00:06:38Oh, it could be a big night.

00:06:39Right, okay.

00:06:40Any other questions?

00:06:41One more.

00:06:42One more question.

00:06:43One more question.

00:06:44One with the thing, yes.

00:06:45In the face.

00:06:46Right.

00:06:47Have you a secret ambition?

00:06:48Speak up.

00:06:49What can I hear?

00:06:50What?

00:06:51Have you a secret ambition that is as yet unfulfilled?

00:06:53Oh.

00:06:55Well, I've got lots of ambitions still left, I suppose.

00:06:57I'd like to do my one-man show around the world.

00:07:00You know.

00:07:01I'd like to see other people suffer.

00:07:03Have you any ambitions, dear?

00:07:04Yes, I'd like to go on a cruise.

00:07:06Would you really?

00:07:07Yes, I would.

00:07:08Oh, and is that your husband?

00:07:09Yes, he is.

00:07:10Do you want to go on a cruise, sir?

00:07:11Yes, please.

00:07:18Well, we've run out of prizes this week.

00:07:21What a sauce, isn't it?

00:07:23Where would you like to go on your cruise?

00:07:25I don't really mind.

00:07:27Oh, really? Do you mind?

00:07:28Yeah, it's a world cruise.

00:07:30Oh, you want to go on the world cruise?

00:07:32All right, then. Do you know any jokes, sir?

00:07:33Maybe you'd like to be a Joker of the Week,

00:07:35because, you know, we've given away some fantastic prizes.

00:07:37Do you know any jokes?

00:07:39Not really.

00:07:40Imagine you've got the right voice, sir.

00:07:43When you start talking like that,

00:07:45they're going to laugh their heads.

00:07:48Anyway, I think that's all right.

00:07:49Thank you for all your questions.

00:07:50That was a lot of fun.

00:07:52Thank you very much indeed.

00:07:54Look, and now...

00:07:55And now, here is where we put the boot in,

00:07:59in the nicest possible way.

00:08:00The boot belongs to our bionic striker.

00:08:03And there it is.

00:08:04That's the apparatus.

00:08:05There's the ball going in.

00:08:07There it is.

00:08:08It's all controlled there.

00:08:09Up it goes, and then, bang.

00:08:12There it is.

00:08:13And it does come out quite a thing.

00:08:14Anyway, the game is, of course, beat the goalie.

00:08:17The goalie himself, transferred for one night only

00:08:19from Queez Park Rangers,

00:08:20we welcome...

00:08:21Phil Pucks.

00:08:23Yes!

00:08:27Oh, dear.

00:08:31Well, you are a...

00:08:32You are a...

00:08:33I mean, I've seen you many times on the television.

00:08:35They say you're a big guy, but you really are.

00:08:36I mean, how high is the goal post up here?

00:08:39Do you have to stretch very much?

00:08:42No, no.

00:08:42You don't?

00:08:42You don't have to jump or talk?

00:08:43I'm one of the lucky ones.

00:08:44One of the lucky ones?

00:08:45Yeah.

00:08:45But what about getting down for the quick ones?

00:08:48Well, I sometimes struggle.

00:08:49That's a bit of a struggle.

00:08:50Right.

00:08:50Well, now, I always ask this to our professional goalkeepers.

00:08:53You know, there must be one game that stands out in your mind

00:08:55more than anything else.

00:08:57And what would that be?

00:08:58Oh, it's probably the game when I played against Portugal for England.

00:09:01Oh, yes.

00:09:02Oh, that's right.

00:09:02Very memorable.

00:09:03Got Elf Ramsey the second.

00:09:06But it was a great game for you.

00:09:08It was a great game, yes.

00:09:08Phil, thank you for being with us.

00:09:09And if you're just getting the goal now, all right then.

00:09:12And do your job, because they really do come at you.

00:09:14And, by the way, you know, to tell you once again,

00:09:17we selected our children for...

00:09:19Not our children, our young people, they are, really,

00:09:21from the TV Times contest that we ran.

00:09:24OK?

00:09:24We had so many winners that we had to sort of draw out the hat every week

00:09:28to find out who is going to actually play our game.

00:09:31So I think we're ready now.

00:09:33So if I can just sort of get on the line,

00:09:35we'll see what's happening.

00:09:37Who's there?

00:09:38Mark.

00:09:39Oh, Mark, yeah.

00:09:39Mark, what is it?

00:09:41Easterbrook.

00:09:41Oh, Mark Easterbrook.

00:09:43And how old are you, Mark?

00:09:4414.

00:09:44Oh, fine.

00:09:45And where do you live?

00:09:46Cardiff.

00:09:46Oh, in Cardiff.

00:09:47Whereabouts?

00:09:48Poutmower.

00:09:49Where?

00:09:50Whitchurch.

00:09:51Oh, Whitchurch.

00:09:52Oh, yeah.

00:09:52And is that the school you go to?

00:09:53Yeah.

00:09:54In Whitchurch?

00:09:54I see.

00:09:55And how's your dad?

00:09:56He's fine.

00:09:57And what does he do?

00:09:58Er, he's been working in Saudi Arabia.

00:10:01Oh, has he really?

00:10:01Oh, does your mum keep the supper hot?

00:10:04Yeah.

00:10:06I see.

00:10:06What does he do?

00:10:08He's a civil engineer.

00:10:09Oh, yeah.

00:10:10Well, it pays to be.

00:10:11Er, have you any brothers or sisters?

00:10:14Any brothers?

00:10:15Er, yeah.

00:10:16What's his name?

00:10:16Guy.

00:10:17What?

00:10:18Guy.

00:10:18Oh, but he was busy last weekend, wasn't he?

00:10:21All right, Mark.

00:10:22Now, you know the rules, don't you?

00:10:23Mm.

00:10:23All right, then.

00:10:24So, I mean, you just say to the left or to the right

00:10:26and the bionic striker will do whatever you, whatever you say,

00:10:29but don't forget to say shoot and good luck.

00:10:31Don't forget it's against the clock.

00:10:33This could be for you or it could be against you,

00:10:35but you're the first off.

00:10:36OK, then, off you go, starting from now.

00:10:39Right.

00:10:41Up.

00:10:42Up.

00:10:43Shoot.

00:10:44Oh, you missed the goal altogether.

00:10:47Missed the goal altogether.

00:10:49That's a shame.

00:10:50Well, Mark, thank you for being with us anyway.

00:10:52Bye-bye now.

00:10:53Bye.

00:10:53Bye-bye now.

00:10:54Love to the family.

00:10:55Who's there now?

00:10:55Susan.

00:10:56Hello, Susan.

00:10:57Susan what?

00:10:58Dufton.

00:10:59Dufton?

00:10:59Yeah.

00:11:00Dufton.

00:11:01Right.

00:11:01And how old are you, Dufton?

00:11:02Fourteen.

00:11:03Fourteen.

00:11:04And where'd you come from?

00:11:05Billings.

00:11:06Billings?

00:11:07Yes.

00:11:07Oh, Billings, where's that?

00:11:08Between St Helens and Wigan.

00:11:10Oh, near Wigan?

00:11:11Yes.

00:11:11Oh, that figures.

00:11:12Dufton, from Wigan.

00:11:14Never know where I am.

00:11:15What school do you go to?

00:11:16St Peter's.

00:11:16I see.

00:11:17Any hobbies?

00:11:18Yes.

00:11:19What's that?

00:11:19Collecting pictures of Liverpool.

00:11:21Oh, what, the football team?

00:11:22Yes.

00:11:23I see.

00:11:23And any ambitions?

00:11:25Yes, to meet the players.

00:11:26Of the Liverpool football team?

00:11:28Yes.

00:11:28I see.

00:11:28Any pets?

00:11:29Don't tell me.

00:11:30Yeah, the Liverpool football team.

00:11:32How long have you been a fan of Liverpool?

00:11:34All my life.

00:11:34All your life?

00:11:35Well, that's not long, is it?

00:11:37Fourteen.

00:11:38They dramatise everything, don't they, kids?

00:11:40All my life.

00:11:41Oh, my God.

00:11:42What a hard time you must have had.

00:11:44Any hates at all, Susan?

00:11:46Yes.

00:11:46What's that?

00:11:47Manchester United.

00:11:51You're getting all the laughs down here.

00:11:53I don't know what's happening up there.

00:11:54All right then.

00:11:55Okay, Susan.

00:11:55Now, off we go.

00:11:56You know the rules?

00:11:57Yes.

00:11:57And two girls have won this two weeks running, so it's not really a boys' game, but there

00:12:01we are.

00:12:02Off we go.

00:12:03Good luck to you starting from now.

00:12:04Right.

00:12:05Right.

00:12:06Right.

00:12:07Cheers.

00:12:07Oh, yeah.

00:12:08Oh!

00:12:09What happened there?

00:12:11No?

00:12:11You didn't score.

00:12:12Didn't score.

00:12:13Bad luck, Susan.

00:12:14Bad luck, my darling, but stay on the line because you never know.

00:12:17All right then?

00:12:17Now, who have we got now?

00:12:19Roger.

00:12:20Roger?

00:12:20Oh, yeah.

00:12:20Well, Roger.

00:12:21Yeah.

00:12:21Has your boys broke, Roger?

00:12:24Yeah.

00:12:24I thought it had, yeah.

00:12:26Difficult for a few weeks, ain't it?

00:12:29I know how you feel, son.

00:12:31Right.

00:12:31Now, Roger, Indian.

00:12:32Is it Indian?

00:12:33Hindin.

00:12:34Hindin.

00:12:35Right.

00:12:36And how old are you, Roger?

00:12:37Fourteen.

00:12:38And where do you live?

00:12:39In Bromley, in Kent.

00:12:40I see.

00:12:41And what school?

00:12:42Dulwich College.

00:12:43Oh, Dulwich.

00:12:43That's very nice that I visited there once, and it is a beautiful college.

00:12:46Did you win a scholarship at all?

00:12:47Yes.

00:12:48You did.

00:12:48You're a very clever lad, and I'm sure you're enjoying it there.

00:12:51Are you?

00:12:52Yes.

00:12:52Good.

00:12:52And how's your mum?

00:12:53It's all right.

00:12:54And your dad?

00:12:56Weren't too thrilled about that, were you?

00:12:58What about dad?

00:12:59Is he all right?

00:12:59Yeah.

00:13:00Good.

00:13:00What does he do?

00:13:01He's an accountant.

00:13:01I see.

00:13:02Fine.

00:13:02And where does he do this?

00:13:04In Woolwich.

00:13:04What?

00:13:05In Woolwich.

00:13:05Oh, I didn't ask who he was with.

00:13:07I asked where he did it.

00:13:12In Woolwich.

00:13:12Oh, Woolwich.

00:13:13Oh, so he is with the Woolwich.

00:13:14And you're with the Dulwich.

00:13:16Yeah.

00:13:17I just thought of that.

00:13:19Oh, yeah, all right.

00:13:22Any ambitions, Roger?

00:13:23Not really.

00:13:24Not really.

00:13:25All right.

00:13:25Well, you've got loads of time, and you're a lovely college to make up your mind.

00:13:27Now, you know the rules?

00:13:28Yes.

00:13:28Off we go.

00:13:29The goal hasn't been scored yet, so you've got everything to win and nothing really to

00:13:32lose at the moment.

00:13:33So, here we go, starting from now.

00:13:35Right.

00:13:38Shoot.

00:13:40Yes!

00:13:41One goal, and what was the time?

00:13:42The time was 5.18.

00:13:44Very good indeed, so stay right there, Roger.

00:13:47All right then, now, who have we got on the line now?

00:13:48Melanie.

00:13:49Hello, Melanie.

00:13:50Yes, Melanie what?

00:13:51Hugh.

00:13:51Melody, Hugh.

00:13:52What are you laughing at?

00:13:53You haven't even started yet.

00:13:54How old are you?

00:13:5514.

00:13:56Where do you live?

00:13:57West Midlands.

00:13:58Where's Midlands?

00:13:59What part, dear?

00:13:59Tiverdale.

00:14:00Where?

00:14:01Tiverdale.

00:14:02Tiverdale?

00:14:02Yeah.

00:14:03Where's that near?

00:14:03Tiverdale.

00:14:04Dudley.

00:14:05Where?

00:14:05Dudley.

00:14:06Tiverdale near?

00:14:07Have you got a bus stop?

00:14:11What school do you go to, love?

00:14:13Tiverdale Comp.

00:14:14What?

00:14:14Tiverdale Comp.

00:14:16Tiverdale Comp?

00:14:17I see, you've got any pavements there, haven't you?

00:14:20Tell me, have you got electricity or are you watching this in the dark?

00:14:25Any pets at all, Melody?

00:14:27Yeah, a canary.

00:14:28What's the canary called?

00:14:30Percy.

00:14:31Oh, Percy.

00:14:32Oh, yeah, did you buy him in a pet shop?

00:14:34Yeah.

00:14:34Yeah, was he going cheap?

00:14:38LAUGHTER

00:14:38We're ready to count.

00:14:42Melody, are you ready with the rules, dear?

00:14:43Yeah.

00:14:44OK, you've got 5.18 to beat.

00:14:475.18 to beat.

00:14:49OK, starting from now.

00:14:51Right.

00:14:53Fire.

00:14:54Oh, you've got it easy.

00:14:56You've got it bad luck, Melody.

00:14:57But lovely to talk to you, dear.

00:14:59Now, Roger, are you still there?

00:15:00Yes.

00:15:01All right, then.

00:15:02Roger Hinden, you are our winner from Bromley in Kent.

00:15:05And would you like to come along next week and spend a day with us here in the studio?

00:15:08Yes.

00:15:08Have a nice time.

00:15:09Jolly good.

00:15:10We look forward to seeing you then.

00:15:11Bye-bye, Roger.

00:15:12And congratulations.

00:15:13Bye.

00:15:13Well done.

00:15:13Bye-bye.

00:15:14Bye-bye.

00:15:15That's it.

00:15:16Bit of fun.

00:15:20And our thanks once again, in goal, Mr. Phil Pucks.

00:15:25Thank you, Phil.

00:15:28Good.

00:15:30Without any of you, we come to last week's winner.

00:15:33But before we actually meet again last week's winner, let's meet our celebrity goalkeeper

00:15:38of the week.

00:15:39Yes, Mr. Kenny Everett.

00:15:41I love...

00:15:54You're taking it serious, aren't you, kid?

00:15:59I love the carpet slippers with the little bobbles.

00:16:02Does Lionel know you borrowed those?

00:16:05That really is.

00:16:06Now, tell me, Kenny, tell me, do you ever play football at all for the showbiz people or

00:16:11I don't know anything about it at all.

00:16:12You don't know anything about it at all?

00:16:13Somebody's going to win a lot tonight.

00:16:16Well, anyway, we thank you very much.

00:16:18And we'd like to just come over here a minute and meet the young lady who won £50 last week

00:16:22on the show, but he's going on to win a sort of a...

00:16:25You haven't got problems.

00:16:28Anyway.

00:16:30Ladies and gentlemen, and Kenny, meet the winner of last week, Janet Butler.

00:16:34Here we are.

00:16:38All right.

00:16:39Well, congratulations, because you've won one prize, and that's Kenny.

00:16:44Now, look, you haven't got much to beat, have you?

00:16:46You've got to get two past him, haven't you?

00:16:48You know, two past him in 20 seconds, actually.

00:16:51But you've got three shots altogether.

00:16:52Kenny, thank you again for being with us.

00:16:54So get into the goal, Ken, and we'll be off.

00:16:56All right then, Janet.

00:16:56I'm over here, my darling.

00:16:58What does he have been like?

00:17:00There we are.

00:17:01Let's start.

00:17:03Fine.

00:17:03You've got two goals to get out of three.

00:17:07I mean, three goals, one out of three balls, in 20 seconds, or under.

00:17:11Okay then.

00:17:12So there's Kenny.

00:17:15What a target.

00:17:16I mean, hard to see you fill part there.

00:17:19I mean, look at him fidgeting.

00:17:21All right then.

00:17:22Are you ready, Ken?

00:17:23Are you ready, Ken?

00:17:27All right then.

00:17:28Starting from now.

00:17:30Way to go.

00:17:43Oh, well done, Ken.

00:17:44Keep it like that, son.

00:17:46Yes.

00:17:46If only you knew, wait till he sees this later on.

00:17:48Right.

00:17:49Okay.

00:17:49We've got loads of time left.

00:17:51I know we've got loads of time left.

00:17:53I know we've got loads of time left.

00:17:54I know we've got loads of time left.

00:17:55I know we've got loads of time left.

00:17:56Okay.

00:17:56Here we go then.

00:18:00Right.

00:18:01Getting from the net, you fool.

00:18:04Right.

00:18:04Okay.

00:18:05Starting from now.

00:18:10Oh, that's it.

00:18:12That's it.

00:18:13You don't have to go anymore.

00:18:15Well done.

00:18:17Well done.

00:18:18I think he was definitely on your side.

00:18:20Now come over here and meet the rashometer.

00:18:22This is the rashometer.

00:18:24Now, which one would you like to win?

00:18:26I'd like a stereo, I think.

00:18:28You'd like the stereo?

00:18:29Okay, then.

00:18:29You'd like the stereo.

00:18:30All right, then.

00:18:31Well, now, there's the basher.

00:18:32All right, then.

00:18:33And it's quite heavy, but give it a real good bash.

00:18:35I mean, you do have to give it a good bash to get up the top there.

00:18:37All right, then.

00:18:38Away you go in your own time.

00:18:40All right, Janet.

00:18:40All right.

00:18:44Luggage.

00:18:44You don't want luggage, do you?

00:18:46All right, help the little girl.

00:18:47Shall I help her?

00:18:48Yes!

00:18:49You want the stereo?

00:18:50Right, we've got two.

00:18:52All right.

00:18:53Give us a bit of room here.

00:18:54You definitely want the stereo.

00:18:56I don't want to make a fool of myself.

00:19:00All right, stereo coming up.

00:19:02Stereo.

00:19:02All right.

00:19:03The stereo's on your mind, right?

00:19:17Over here you come.

00:19:19Don't we have the stereo?

00:19:21Have you got the stereo?

00:19:22All right.

00:19:23All right.

00:19:24All right.

00:19:25All right.

00:19:26All right.

00:19:27There we are.

00:19:28Here we go.

00:19:29Yes.

00:19:31Oh!

00:19:31And Phil, there's Phil.

00:19:37And here's the £50 that we won last week.

00:19:40Phil, it's been a bit of a night, hasn't it, for you?

00:19:42Are you pleased?

00:19:43Well, we're pleased for you.

00:19:44And thank you again, Phil.

00:19:45And thank you, Kenny.

00:19:46Look at the contrast between them.

00:19:49Thank you so much, all of you.

00:19:50OK, come on.

00:19:51Hey!

00:19:52Now, while they all go, for a quick rubdown and half an orange, we'll take the break.

00:20:05We'll be back in a moment with Anthea, this week's Jokers, and the grand final of our disco

00:20:10dancing championship.

00:20:11See you soon.

00:20:12Welcome back.

00:20:39And let's meet her, let's greet her, and by her, I mean the lovely Anthea.

00:20:54Hello, Bruce.

00:20:55Hello, everyone.

00:20:56Hello, my darling.

00:20:56Now, look, let's get it over with this week.

00:20:58What are you going to do this week?

00:20:59Bruce, the musical bit last week, with the musical bots, didn't it go well?

00:21:05Oh, yes.

00:21:05It went like clockwork.

00:21:08Well, this week I'm staying with music.

00:21:10Oh, are you?

00:21:10Yes, I'm staying with music.

00:21:12And this, this is my instrument.

00:21:16That?

00:21:16Yes.

00:21:17Oh.

00:21:18Ladies and gentlemen, Anthea Redfern on the musical stick.

00:21:23Bruce, this is not a stick.

00:21:25It's a baton.

00:21:26Oh.

00:21:27And I'm going to conduct.

00:21:28Conduct?

00:21:29Yes, conduct.

00:21:29Well, if you're going to conduct, I've got a request.

00:21:33Stop.

00:21:35Just be quiet, will you?

00:21:36And listen.

00:21:38We have.

00:21:48It's not a sparkler.

00:21:49It's not a sparkler.

00:21:56It's not a sparkler.

00:21:58It's not a sparkler.

00:22:11We couldn't hear the orchestra.

00:22:24Oh, boys.

00:22:30Can you go and get the jokers, please?

00:22:33Just go and get the jokers.

00:22:35Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

00:22:36It is time for us to try and find our joker of the week.

00:22:39Now, once again, we've scoured the whole of Great Britain

00:22:42and we've invited some gentlemen along

00:22:44to come along and tell us their favourite joke.

00:22:46This is always a bit of a nerve-wracking experience for them,

00:22:49so let's...

00:22:50Yes, our first joker is there,

00:22:51so let's welcome our first joker, who is it?

00:22:58And who is this?

00:22:59And this is George Wits.

00:23:01Wits? George Wits?

00:23:03Are your family here?

00:23:04No, not at all.

00:23:05Oh, no, so you haven't got your wits about you?

00:23:06No.

00:23:09And Mr and Mrs Wits have been married for 14 years.

00:23:13Oh, and you're still in love?

00:23:14Yes.

00:23:15Oh, that's lovely.

00:23:16Well, that's a long time for two wits to woo.

00:23:22That deserves a round of applause, but never mind.

00:23:24There we are.

00:23:25OK, never mind.

00:23:26No, don't, don't, don't, don't.

00:23:27Put your elbow on there.

00:23:28It's a face, you'd be like you to face the audience like that.

00:23:30All right, then.

00:23:31Well, George, feel free.

00:23:32Away you go.

00:23:32Right, there's a company of cavalry on patrol in the desert, you see?

00:23:35Yes, yes.

00:23:36They're riding along quite merrily.

00:23:37Yes.

00:23:37And all of a sudden, over the hill comes the Indians screaming and shouting and firing quite merrily.

00:23:42Yeah.

00:23:42And all of a sudden, there's a big melee right in the middle of the desert.

00:23:46And the cavalry are getting quite a heavy hammering, you see?

00:23:48And they get reduced to about 12 blokes.

00:23:50Yeah.

00:23:50So the lieutenant in charge thinks, well, this is no good.

00:23:52He says, well, we'll have to try and get out of it.

00:23:54So they mount up, and away they go, outrunning the Indians, which they managed to do after

00:23:58a certain time.

00:23:59The Indians just wrap in and thin out, you see?

00:24:00Yes.

00:24:01Anyway, they're going along, and the lieutenant thinks, well, we'll have to start looking for

00:24:04some cover.

00:24:05And they suddenly come across these old huts by a railway line, you see?

00:24:08Yeah.

00:24:09He thinks, well, that'll have to do.

00:24:11So they all jump off, getting amongst the huts.

00:24:13And the lieutenant's way in this situation.

00:24:15He says, still a bit bare and open.

00:24:17He says, there's not much cover here.

00:24:18So he gets hold of the side and says, you'll have to go and look for some more cover.

00:24:21He says, it's not very good here at all.

00:24:22So away they go, looking, there's still not much around.

00:24:26But the one bloke stumbles across this hut full of melting chocolate, you see?

00:24:30So he goes back and tells the lieutenant, he says, all I can find, he says, is this hut

00:24:33of melting chocolate.

00:24:34Yeah.

00:24:34He says, well, that'll have to do.

00:24:35We haven't got much, so get the blokes on it, get the huts covered in chocolate, you

00:24:39see?

00:24:39So the way they go, covering the huts with chocolate.

00:24:41And up on the hill, there's the old trusty Indian scout, you see, peering down, watching

00:24:45them doing this.

00:24:46And when he realizes what they're doing, pouring his chocolate over the huts, he bursts out laughing.

00:24:50He says, look at that mediates down there, covering huts with chocolate.

00:24:53So he jumps on his horse, bursting himself with laughter, rides along to tell the chief,

00:24:57you see?

00:24:57Gets to the hut, the camp, sorry.

00:25:00Falls off his horse, he's still laughing, and stumbles into the chief's wig, and he

00:25:03goes, chief, chief, he said, I found the Indians.

00:25:05I found the cavalry, I found the cavalry, he said, but you're not going to believe what

00:25:08they're doing.

00:25:09You're just not going to believe what they're doing.

00:25:10He says, steady down, steady down.

00:25:12He says, where are they, and what are they doing?

00:25:14He says, huts, oh, railway huts.

00:25:17Ooh, cavalry, take, no man, they can't be there.

00:25:19The charge.

00:25:23Yes.

00:25:24Oh, well done, Georgie.

00:25:26Oh, listen to that.

00:25:28They like it.

00:25:297, 13, 20, 27, 34.

00:25:32Well done indeed, George.

00:25:33Thank you very much for being with us.

00:25:35Stay right there.

00:25:35And who have we got now?

00:25:36Anthea?

00:25:36And who's this?

00:25:43And this is Lenny Mullane.

00:25:45Oh, where's the lamppost?

00:25:46Terrific.

00:25:47Oh, my own Lenny Mullane, boys.

00:25:51My own, Lily knew that one, didn't you?

00:25:53Come on, Lily, my own Lenny Mullane.

00:25:57She's drunk.

00:26:00He's 40, married, and he's a chauffeur and lives in London.

00:26:03Oh, do you?

00:26:04Yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:26:05He was born in the Lambeth War.

00:26:07Oh, well, fancy your mother going out dancing on a night like that?

00:26:10A shadow.

00:26:13His wife is Moira, and he has her name tattooed on his arm.

00:26:16Oh, yes.

00:26:17Have you got any more anywhere else?

00:26:18No, not really.

00:26:19No, not really.

00:26:21She's a barmaid.

00:26:22She's a barmaid.

00:26:22Oh, she's a barmaid, and you're a chauffeur?

00:26:24Sure.

00:26:24Oh, you ever drive people to drink?

00:26:25Not really.

00:26:26Sorry.

00:26:27All right, sometimes.

00:26:27Anyway, welcome to us, Lenny there.

00:26:29Just put your elbow right there, my laddo, and away you go.

00:26:32All right, then, face a bit round this way, if you will.

00:26:34Is it a bar?

00:26:35Eh?

00:26:35A bar.

00:26:35Is it a bar, yes?

00:26:37Have a drink.

00:26:38Have a drink.

00:26:46Thank you very much indeed.

00:26:47That's lovely.

00:26:48We'll keep it there all the way through.

00:26:4912 years old.

00:26:50It's not a grunt.

00:26:5012 years?

00:26:50No, it's real good stuff.

00:26:51That is 12 years old.

00:26:52Right.

00:26:55He's cheating, isn't he, already?

00:26:57Yes.

00:26:57Away you go, Lenny.

00:27:00Raver goes into a pub.

00:27:01A raver?

00:27:02Yeah.

00:27:03A fella goes into a pub.

00:27:03Oh, a fella.

00:27:05A fella behind the jump.

00:27:08A fella behind the jump says, uh, good evening.

00:27:11He says, hello, dear.

00:27:12How are you going?

00:27:13All right.

00:27:18He says, what can I get you?

00:27:20He says, could I have a large gin and toll it, please?

00:27:22Ice and lemon.

00:27:22He says, don't turn you back on that lot of time.

00:27:32The large gin and toll it plays ice and lemon.

00:27:34Yeah.

00:27:35Give him the drink.

00:27:37He said, by the way, he said, a fella wasn't here looking for you.

00:27:40For me, he said.

00:27:42Fella looking for me, he said, no.

00:27:44Don't nobody in here, he said.

00:27:48Yeah, I said, a fella come in here looking at the glass eye.

00:27:50Glass eye.

00:27:52Yeah, he's got a hump on his back.

00:27:55Hump on his back, glass eye.

00:27:56Looking for me.

00:27:57No, he said, no.

00:28:00Yeah, he's got a withered arm.

00:28:02Withered arm, glass eye, I'm on his back looking for me.

00:28:05No.

00:28:06No, no, no.

00:28:07Not round, dear, he said.

00:28:09No, no, no, no.

00:28:11Drags his leg, drags his leg.

00:28:14Drags his leg.

00:28:15Withered arm.

00:28:16Glass eye.

00:28:17Hump on his back.

00:28:18Yeah, he asked for you.

00:28:19Red here.

00:28:20Oh, you mean ginger.

00:28:21Oh, look at this.

00:28:32Ten, nineteen, twenty-seven, thirty-six, forty-six.

00:28:36That's a very high score.

00:28:37Thank you very much indeed, Manny.

00:28:39That'll take a bit of beating, I'll tell you that.

00:28:41And what have we got now, Anthea?

00:28:42This is Al Allen.

00:28:50Al Allen, yes.

00:28:50He comes from Hedonsford and is a technical sales rep.

00:28:54I see, yes, good.

00:28:55His wife, Shirley, is a sewing machinist but was once a professional dancer.

00:28:59Oh, oh, so she went from dancing to singers.

00:29:02Yes.

00:29:03Yes, that's right.

00:29:03Go on, go on.

00:29:09His parents are called William Thomas and Gertrude.

00:29:12Oh, you've got three parents.

00:29:14Oh, most of us have got two.

00:29:16Oh, you've got two as well.

00:29:17Oh, good.

00:29:18It's William Thomas, yes, I know his brother.

00:29:20Anyway, carry on.

00:29:24Don't be like that.

00:29:25Right, anyway, how are you?

00:29:26All right, just lean yourself there.

00:29:29Oh, by the way, don't take that off with you.

00:29:30But Al Allen from Hedonsford, away you go.

00:29:32This fellow had been out of work for weeks.

00:29:34Yes.

00:29:35He's walking past a zoo and actually saw a notice board,

00:29:38big strong man wanted, £100 a week.

00:29:41Yes.

00:29:42He thinks that sounds a bit tasty.

00:29:43He's in the zoo, goes to the zookeeper's office,

00:29:46knocks the door, come in.

00:29:48He goes in, he said, I've got about the job, £100 a week.

00:29:51He said, well, sit down.

00:29:53He said, I've come to the point.

00:29:54He says, what it is, our gorilla's died.

00:29:57He says, in actual fact, you want a big strapping lad,

00:29:59just like yourself, dress him up in a gorilla suit,

00:30:02so you can go in his cage, all you've got to do

00:30:04is act like a gorilla, and we'll give you £100 a week.

00:30:07When do we start?

00:30:08He said, well, tomorrow.

00:30:09He says, lovely.

00:30:11Comes back at 9 o'clock in the morning,

00:30:13they dress him up in a gorilla skin,

00:30:15the fellow's jumping about and moving like this,

00:30:17swinging on the bar, they said, beautiful,

00:30:19you've got a month to practice,

00:30:21and after that month, we'll tell you

00:30:23whether you've got the job finally.

00:30:24Yeah.

00:30:24He carries on.

00:30:26Six months later, he's just getting a little bit bored

00:30:29with the job, with people coming up,

00:30:30and he's got to jump about like this,

00:30:32and when they've gone, he sits down and has a fag.

00:30:37Anyway, at the end,

00:30:38he's leaning up against the bars, reading a newspaper.

00:30:41Of course, a crowd of people gathering round the back of him,

00:30:45looking at this gorilla and reading the newspaper.

00:30:47The zookeeper comes out of his office,

00:30:49sees what's all the commotion about,

00:30:50runs down, pokes him in the ribs,

00:30:52says, jump on the bars, everybody's looking at you.

00:30:55So he jumps for the bars,

00:30:56misses the bar,

00:30:57falls against the adjoining cage door,

00:30:59and it opens.

00:31:00In comes the biggest, ferocious lion

00:31:02you've ever seen in your life,

00:31:05roaring its head off.

00:31:07Of course, the gorilla's petrified.

00:31:09He's clapped up against the bar,

00:31:10shouting, help, I don't want the job,

00:31:12let me out, let me out.

00:31:13The lion pounces on him,

00:31:15pins him to the ground,

00:31:16looks in his eyes and says,

00:31:17if you don't shut up,

00:31:18you'll get us all the sack.

00:31:22Well done, well done.

00:31:23Yes.

00:31:25Oh.

00:31:27How about last eight?

00:31:2914, 20, 27, 33, I believe.

00:31:31So how's he done with him tonight, Anthea?

00:31:33And Lenny Mullane has won,

00:31:35or Mullaney has won, with 46 points.

00:31:38Well, I thought he would.

00:31:3946, that's very good.

00:31:40And here's your trophy.

00:31:47It's a Brucie trophy,

00:31:49not to be confused with any other trophy

00:31:51given to anyone at any time,

00:31:53going back to the year dot.

00:31:55It is a Brucie.

00:31:56All right then, that's all it is,

00:31:57a Brucie, with our love.

00:31:59I'm making a bit more of that

00:31:59because people, you know,

00:32:00are going off.

00:32:01But then all our losers

00:32:02will be getting the silver.

00:32:03Brucie, the same thing.

00:32:05Never been another Brucie like that,

00:32:06ever given to anyone,

00:32:07anywhere, at any time.

00:32:08But thank you very much, Claire.

00:32:09Well, now, what also has he won?

00:32:11Oh, well, this week he's also got a choice

00:32:13of a 22-inch coloured television set

00:32:16or a music centre.

00:32:18Oh.

00:32:18Nice to have a choice.

00:32:19Yeah, it is, isn't it?

00:32:20I know.

00:32:23Well, what do you think?

00:32:24I mean, music centre.

00:32:25You'll have the music centre,

00:32:26you don't want the television centre.

00:32:27Well, the music centre is all yours,

00:32:28but you haven't finished yet

00:32:29because we're going to do a little...

00:32:31It's not going to be a double act this week,

00:32:32but we're going to do

00:32:33a little semi-kind of sketch

00:32:34with a very, very charming lady

00:32:36I'm sure you'll be pleased to work with.

00:32:38Would you do that?

00:32:38Sure, sure.

00:32:39It could be a bit of fun.

00:32:40Yeah, that's fine.

00:32:40Thank you very much indeed.

00:32:41Lenny Mullane, we'll see you later.

00:32:43APPLAUSE

00:32:44Yes, it's time for the final

00:32:50of the United Kingdom Disco Championships.

00:32:52These are the three finalists,

00:32:54and tonight we are going to declare the winner.

00:32:56The three are...

00:32:57Grant Santino,

00:32:59Maria Eldridge,

00:33:01and Tony Evans.

00:33:04APPLAUSE

00:33:04Who's won?

00:33:10Well, that's the difficult decision

00:33:11facing tonight's judges.

00:33:13Who are...

00:33:14Creator of the hot gossip dance group,

00:33:16Arlene Phillips.

00:33:18APPLAUSE

00:33:19World professional dancing champion,

00:33:23Peter Maxwell.

00:33:24APPLAUSE

00:33:24Singer and cabaret artist,

00:33:29Curly Gates.

00:33:30APPLAUSE

00:33:31Award-winning band leader,

00:33:34Ray McVeigh.

00:33:34APPLAUSE

00:33:35And the dancing and stinging star,

00:33:39Peter Gordino.

00:33:40APPLAUSE

00:33:40OK, the judges decided on the winner

00:33:44earlier today.

00:33:45And here now to give us the news

00:33:47is the organiser of the championships

00:33:49and the judges.

00:33:50From EMI, we welcome Mr Peter Smith.

00:33:54APPLAUSE

00:33:55Thank you for being with us.

00:33:59All right, then.

00:33:59And thank you for all your help.

00:34:01Lovely.

00:34:02Now, ladies and gentlemen,

00:34:03I'm going to announce the second runner-up,

00:34:05then the first runner-up,

00:34:06and then the winner.

00:34:08So I'm starting with the second runner-up,

00:34:10the third prize,

00:34:11who gets £350.

00:34:13It is Maria Eldredge.

00:34:17APPLAUSE

00:34:17Well done, darling.

00:34:21Congratulations.

00:34:22Bad luck.

00:34:23Here we are.

00:34:24The first runner-up,

00:34:26second prize,

00:34:27who receives £750,

00:34:30is Tony Evans.

00:34:32APPLAUSE

00:34:33Well done, family.

00:34:36Bad luck.

00:34:38Bad luck.

00:34:39Well, that leaves the winner.

00:34:41You know who the winner is?

00:34:42The winner is Grant Santino,

00:34:44but he has won £3,100 in cash.

00:34:48He has won a trip to Las Vegas for two

00:34:52and £500 spending money.

00:34:55He has won 100 albums.

00:34:59And then he's won six pairs of Levi trousers.

00:35:03LAUGHTER

00:35:04He's won a place in the World Disco Dancing Championship

00:35:10later this year.

00:35:11We wish you good luck,

00:35:12and please dance for us,

00:35:14Grant Santino.

00:35:15APPLAUSE

00:35:16It's a shame to complain,

00:35:20but we gotta have a life more than that.

00:35:25It's a shame to complain,

00:35:26but we gotta have a life more than that.

00:35:32It's a shame to complain,

00:35:33It's a shame to complain, but we've got to have a life more than love.

00:35:56For your information, we need more loving.

00:36:00To help the situation, get to have loving.

00:36:03To keep the world together, we need more loving.

00:36:07We've got to stick together, get to have loving.

00:36:20It's a shame to complain, but we've got to have a life more than love.

00:36:23It's a shame to complain, but we've got to have a life more than love.

00:36:27It's a shame to complain, but we've got to have a life more than love.

00:36:32It's a shame to complain, but we've got to have a life more than love.

00:36:36And I'm glad you know some of those steps I used to do in the old days you've copied.

00:36:45That one you're the overbitten, the picking up the handkerchief I used to do when I was a kid.

00:36:50And do you know, you've been marvellous over the weeks.

00:36:54In fact, you all have, all the kids.

00:36:55It's been a marvellous contest to witness, and you've worked very hard as we can all see.

00:36:59It's totally good. I could have worn a real one, but never mind.

00:37:02Ladies and gentlemen, now it's a great thrill for us to welcome to our show the gentleman who's going to present the trophy.

00:37:08And someone, well, he's Mr. Show Business. I've worked for him for many years, for many different things.

00:37:12And I know you're going to be very thrilled tonight to receive the trophy from Lord Delfont.

00:37:30I forgot to mention you are the chairman of EMI, which is the most important reason why you're here.

00:37:43Apart from, you know, I think it's so marvellous for you to be presenting the prize because, you know, you started your early days in show business as a hoover or as a dancer.

00:37:52That's true.

00:37:53I mean, the whole family did a dancing act.

00:37:55Yes, yes. And I've always been very, very keen on any sort of dancing.

00:37:58I think it's the most fantastic way to let yourself go.

00:38:02Exactly. And I mean, the styles have changed from what we used to do, all that stuff.

00:38:05Oh, yes.

00:38:07There we are. But that's why I think it's marvellous.

00:38:09You know, you don't, you don't, because Bernie, I mean, we've known, you don't mind if I call you Bernie.

00:38:13Not at all.

00:38:14No. Lord Bernie, it really...

00:38:17We've done loads of things over the years.

00:38:19And that's why I think it's so nice to have a dancing thing going right the way through,

00:38:23right from the top of EMI, the chairman, right down to Grant Santino here.

00:38:29Congratulations. And, Claire, have we got the trophy?

00:38:32I think we have.

00:38:34And Bernie, if you'd like to give it to Grant.

00:38:37I can see you're very thrilled with this, and I'm delighted because I have a great feeling for all dancing.

00:38:54I think dancers are a tremendous asset. Wherever you see them, it's always inspiring.

00:38:59And I'm sure you've gone to great things. It may not be dance, it may be other things.

00:39:03But my wish you all the success in the world. I'm delighted for you.

00:39:06I hope you'll be very, very happy in the future.

00:39:08Thank you very much. Very well.

00:39:10Thank you. Thank you again.

00:39:12You're welcome. And thank you.

00:39:14We are lovely to see you. It really is. Come on. Come on.

00:39:17Thank you. Thank you, Stoney.

00:39:26Well, still to come, our Jota finale plus, of course, the great Sammy Davis, Jr.

00:39:34See you soon.

00:39:35Thank you, Stoney.

00:39:56And now, ladies and gentlemen, with the help of these cue cards, just like this, a saucy interlude entitled Entente Caudillard, starring Forsythe and Mullane.

00:40:10This is it. This could be a very, very big night. You are going to meet the most beautiful actress. And I'll tell you something. What's more, she's all yours.

00:40:25Thanks very much.

00:40:27Go on.

00:40:29Where? Oh, sorry.

00:40:31Sorry, Bruce.

00:40:32Do you want to start again?

00:40:34Yes, please.

00:40:35Yeah, all right, then. I'll do the last bit. Now you're going to meet the most beautiful actress. And she's all yours.

00:40:39Well, what's wrong with her?

00:40:41What do you mean?

00:40:42Nothing's wrong with her at all. This girl is dynamite.

00:40:45Don't tell me she's gone off.

00:40:47What's the matter? Don't you trust me? Now, would I really try and embarrass you in front of millions of people?

00:40:52No, of course you wouldn't, Bruce.

00:40:54He's more stupid than I thought.

00:40:56Anyway, listen to me. This girl would take your breath away.

00:41:00What, is she a wrestler?

00:41:06You don't have to like the jokes. All you've got to do is say it.

00:41:09Is she fat, then?

00:41:10It is a fat...

00:41:12Is she what?

00:41:13Is she fat, then?

00:41:14Not one bit.

00:41:16What bit's that, then?

00:41:18Now, look, will you give over and trust me and stop doing that?

00:41:22There may be people looking in. Right.

00:41:24I'll tell you...

00:41:25I'll tell you one thing.

00:41:26This girl has got cracking legs.

00:41:28Has she tried ointment?

00:41:29Brilliant!

00:41:30Has she tried ointment?

00:41:31How dare you indeed.

00:41:32Look out. Look out.

00:41:33Here she comes.

00:41:34Isn't she lovely?

00:41:36Hello, my darling.

00:41:47Oh, may I say, it's delightful to see you. It really is.

00:41:50Oh, hello, Bruce.

00:41:52Oh, I don't think I've had the pleasure.

00:41:55Well, I don't think you're going to get it either way.

00:41:58Anyway, go on.

00:41:59Say hello to her. Say hello to her. Go on.

00:42:01Oh, sorry.

00:42:02Good evening, Francois.

00:42:05Francois?

00:42:06That's a boy's name, Francois.

00:42:08She's a girl. Can't you see she's a girl?

00:42:09Would a fella look like that?

00:42:11What kind of fellas do you go out with?

00:42:13For goodness sake, we made fat ones.

00:42:17It's Francois.

00:42:19Francois.

00:42:20Say good evening, Francois.

00:42:21Good evening, Francois.

00:42:23That's better.

00:42:24Lovely.

00:42:25That'll do for now.

00:42:26Right.

00:42:27Pascal.

00:42:28May I say how much I enjoy watching you on TV and mind your language?

00:42:32In fact, you know, I turn you on every Saturday.

00:42:35Don't kid yourself.

00:42:38Oh, don't kid yourself.

00:42:41Look, I think she's playing a bit hard to get.

00:42:43We'll have to work at it.

00:42:44All right?

00:42:45Now we're...

00:42:46Oh.

00:42:47Tell me, Bruce, who's your friend?

00:42:50Oh, he's so very sexy.

00:42:52So cool, so dear.

00:42:55Oh, I've waited so long to meet you.

00:43:00So cool, so dear, waited so long, you make him sound like a cup of British Royal tea.

00:43:05Look, you're not even staring at him either.

00:43:07Come on.

00:43:08Come on, get in there.

00:43:09Come on, come on.

00:43:10Oh, I love a man who is so rugged.

00:43:14Oh.

00:43:15Oh.

00:43:16Ta very much.

00:43:21Ta very much.

00:43:22You don't chat up a French girl like that.

00:43:24Ta very much.

00:43:25Say it in French.

00:43:26Say it in French.

00:43:27Ta very much.

00:43:28Ta very much.

00:43:29Yes.

00:43:30Yes.

00:43:31You say it in French.

00:43:33You read the lines.

00:43:35Stop making up your own shit.

00:43:37Yes.

00:43:38Yes.

00:43:39Yes.

00:43:40Yes.

00:43:41Yes.

00:43:42Yes.

00:43:43Uh.

00:43:44Oh.

00:43:45Now.

00:43:46You might get another one here as well.

00:43:47Anyway.

00:43:48Come on, say it in French.

00:43:51Mmm.

00:43:52Ta very much.

00:43:53No!

00:43:54There is your line there.

00:43:55In French.

00:43:56Look at the top line.

00:43:57In French.

00:43:58Go on.

00:43:59Murky both.

00:44:09Merci beaucoup.

00:44:10That's fantastic.

00:44:12You do not find me attractive?

00:44:14Like how?

00:44:17Would you mind turning the cards over?

00:44:19Sorry to disturb you.

00:44:23What you've got to do is stand there and flick them over, all right?

00:44:26It's like Helen of Troy or Aphrodite.

00:44:29And put your pork pies down when you're doing this, all right?

00:44:32Say something to him in French, for goodness sake.

00:44:34Say a French name.

00:44:35A French name.

00:44:36That's not a French name.

00:44:37Comment est-ce que tu as?

00:44:37Merde-Long.

00:44:40Pat de Grosse.

00:44:50That's the last time.

00:44:54And this is a public warning.

00:44:57A French name.

00:44:58French name.

00:44:59Read it.

00:44:59French name.

00:45:00A French name?

00:45:01Yeah, a French name.

00:45:02Yes, go on.

00:45:02Yes, off you go.

00:45:03We've got a French name.

00:45:04Go on.

00:45:04The Hunchback on Rotterdam.

00:45:05Now.

00:45:07Excuse me, Francois.

00:45:09I do apologise for him.

00:45:10Now, look here.

00:45:10You're doing this all wrong.

00:45:12It's no good having a sex drive if you don't know how to turn the ignition on.

00:45:15Now, look.

00:45:16I'll show you what to do.

00:45:17Do as I do.

00:45:17All right, then?

00:45:18Now, first of all, take the hand gently.

00:45:20No, not mine.

00:45:24No, not mine.

00:45:26Look, we're going to do as I do.

00:45:28Right.

00:45:29It's a pity we could have been such good friends.

00:45:47And first of all, you see, I know you're so right.

00:45:50First of all, you see, watch, watch.

00:45:52Enchanté.

00:45:55Merci.

00:45:56There you are.

00:45:56Now you.

00:46:01Oh, you too.

00:46:03Very good.

00:46:04Very, very good.

00:46:05Now, now.

00:46:06The embrace.

00:46:08Oh.

00:46:11Mmm.

00:46:11Ah.

00:46:13Do a sigh at the same time.

00:46:14It helps.

00:46:21I said a sigh, not a shiver.

00:46:22Right.

00:46:24Now, the kiss.

00:46:25Get out.

00:46:50That's slowed you down a bit, hasn't it?

00:47:05Now, hey, look.

00:47:06You're really affected, I tell you.

00:47:08Just a minute.

00:47:09The right French phrase now.

00:47:11You could be away here.

00:47:12Just a minute.

00:47:14This could be a very big night.

00:47:15Hold on.

00:47:16Say what I do and you're away here.

00:47:17I'll tell you that.

00:47:18Right.

00:47:18What?

00:47:18Ma chérie.

00:47:19Ma chérie.

00:47:21Permettez-moi.

00:47:22Permettez-moi.

00:47:25De tater.

00:47:26De tater.

00:47:28Voici troïe.

00:47:30Versi terri.

00:47:32Voici troïe.

00:47:34Versi terri.

00:47:36Et me dire.

00:47:38Et me dire.

00:47:40Si elles sont assez fraîches.

00:47:44Si elles me dors assez fraîches.

00:47:46What did I say to her?

00:47:57François, what did I say?

00:48:00Well, I don't know, it all went wrong here.

00:48:01Oh, just, oh, sorry.

00:48:04You see, it was the wrong phrase.

00:48:06This is what you say when you go to help you go shopping.

00:48:09Oh, yeah.

00:48:10Well, you see, what you said was, excuse me, may I feel your pumpkins to see if they're fresh?

00:48:16I'm sorry, I really am, Lily.

00:48:20I wouldn't have heard that, but we've still got the song.

00:48:22All right, then, might get us out of trouble.

00:48:24Right.

00:48:25Travelling along, chantilly song.

00:48:34Two, three, four, side by side.

00:48:41Three, four, side by side.

00:48:45Yes!

00:48:45Oh!

00:48:46Yes!

00:48:47Yes!

00:48:48Yes!

00:48:49Yes!

00:48:50Come on!

00:48:50Yes!

00:48:51You're lovely, darling.

00:48:52And thank you.

00:48:53Don't stop.

00:49:01Thank you, guys.

00:49:05Well, you're a sweetheart.

00:49:06Hello, my darling.

00:49:07Hello, my darling.

00:49:08Oh, who's this?

00:49:09This is his wife, Moira.

00:49:10Oh!

00:49:11Oh!

00:49:12Where does she get you home?

00:49:15Thank you, darling, for doing that.

00:49:17Anyway.

00:49:18And what's your name, my darling?

00:49:19Moira.

00:49:20Moira.

00:49:20Oh, of course.

00:49:21We know about that earlier on.

00:49:22And you're in the barmaid.

00:49:24You're the barmaid.

00:49:25Oh, lovely.

00:49:26Well, thank you for being with us.

00:49:27Is he funny at home like this?

00:49:28Yes, all the time.

00:49:29Well, don't you?

00:49:30Well, he's a very funny man.

00:49:31I'll tell you something.

00:49:32He really has.

00:49:33There's a special little kind of style about him as well.

00:49:35He's a little impish face.

00:49:37A little pixie.

00:49:39OK.

00:49:40But now, we've come to the big crunch,

00:49:41because you've done marvellous for us tonight.

00:49:43You now have to answer some questions to win

00:49:45what we think is a marvellous prize.

00:49:47So, you know, it was a trip to Las Vegas last week.

00:49:49Who knows what it will be this week.

00:49:51But, you know, you have to answer questions on three categories.

00:49:54Either film comedy, television comedy, or radio comedy.

00:49:58Now, would you like to think about that for just a second?

00:50:01What would you like?

00:50:02Television.

00:50:03Television comedy?

00:50:04That all right with you, Moira?

00:50:05It is.

00:50:06OK.

00:50:07We'll get shoulder to shoulder.

00:50:08Claire, could we have the questions on television comedy?

00:50:10Thank you, my darling.

00:50:11Beautifully done.

00:50:12Now, then.

00:50:13Notice the new envelopes.

00:50:20Here we go, then.

00:50:21The first question coming up now about television.

00:50:24And we can't help you anywhere with this.

00:50:26OK, then.

00:50:27And please the audience as well.

00:50:28Please keep quiet.

00:50:29Whose catchphrase is,

00:50:30Oh, you are awful, but I like you?

00:50:33Dick Emery.

00:50:34Dick Emery.

00:50:35Well done.

00:50:36And the character's name?

00:50:37Do you know the character?

00:50:38Well, I think we'll give you that.

00:50:40It's Dick Emery and the character is Mandy.

00:50:42Mandy.

00:50:43I didn't know that.

00:50:44I was a bit confused about that.

00:50:45But I think that is good enough.

00:50:46Dick Emery.

00:50:47The second one.

00:50:48Bartholomew and Wiseman are the real name of which famous British comedy team?

00:50:54Bartholomew and Wiseman.

00:50:56What famous British comedy team would that be?

00:51:00Morecambe and Wise.

00:51:01Morecambe and Wise.

00:51:02You're absolutely right.

00:51:03But please, you must keep quiet over there.

00:51:05We do have to be strict about this.

00:51:06Otherwise, the whole thing will go up the chute.

00:51:08The last...

00:51:09And the last one.

00:51:14What was the name of the landlord played by Leonard Rossiter in Rising Damp?

00:51:20Er...

00:51:21Digby.

00:51:22Think again.

00:51:23Rigby.

00:51:24Rigby.

00:51:25Again.

00:51:26Rigby?

00:51:27Digby?

00:51:28Well, it's...

00:51:29Rigby?

00:51:30Digby?

00:51:31Well, rig...

00:51:32Put an S in the middle.

00:51:33Rigsby!

00:51:34Well done.

00:51:35Well done, indeed.

00:51:36There we are.

00:51:39Well, our winner last week went to Las Vegas.

00:51:44You are going to have a ten-day trip to Hollywood.

00:51:48All right.

00:51:49You'll stay at the Hilton Hotel.

00:51:51Got carpets.

00:51:53In the Beverly Hills, we'll lay on tours of film and television studios for you.

00:51:59You'll make a special trip to Disneyland.

00:52:01And believe me, you don't have to be a kid to enjoy that.

00:52:04It's the most wonderful place in the world.

00:52:06I'll tell you, you'll enjoy that.

00:52:07We'll pay your expenses and give you $100 a day spending money while you're there.

00:52:12And, Lenny, you've been a marvellous trupper.

00:52:14I mean, you've got a lot of laughs.

00:52:15You can serve every mile of the journey.

00:52:18And thank you, my darling.

00:52:19Moira, we'll have a drink after.

00:52:21OK?

00:52:22Super.

00:52:23Thank you again, Lenny.

00:52:24Come on.

00:52:25Hey!

00:52:27Well done.

00:52:28Well done, Lenny.

00:52:29We'll be back in a moment with the sensational Sammy Davis Jr.

00:52:34Don't miss it.

00:52:35Please don't go away.

00:52:36APPLAUSE

00:52:37Ladies and gentlemen, Sammy Davis.

00:52:39APPLAUSE

00:52:40Ladies and gentlemen, Sammy Davis Jr.

00:52:42APPLAUSE

00:53:02Ladies and gentlemen, Sammy Davis Jr.

00:53:06For once in my life, I got someone who needs me.

00:53:24Someone I've needed so long.

00:53:27For once, unafraid, I can go where life needs me.

00:53:32Yeah, I'm gonna be strong for once.

00:53:36I can touch what my heart used to dream of.

00:53:40Long before I knew someone warm like you

00:53:47Would make my dreams come true.

00:53:51La, la, la, la.

00:53:52For once in my life, I won't let sorrow hurt me.

00:53:56Not like it hurt me before.

00:53:59I found me someone I know won't desert me.

00:54:04I'll never be alone anymore.

00:54:06For once, I can say, it's fine, they can't take it.

00:54:11Long as God's love, I'm gonna make it.

00:54:14For once in my life, I got someone who needs me.

00:54:20Someone I've needed so long.

00:54:22Oh, once in my life, I got someone who needs me.

00:54:27Someone I've needed so long.

00:54:29Oh, I'm gonna pray.

00:54:31Go where life needs me.

00:54:33I'm gonna be strong.

00:54:35For once, I can touch what my heart used to dream of.

00:54:41This is a dreamer long before I knew someone warm like you

00:54:48Would make my dreams, make my dreams, make my dreams come true

00:54:57What's in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me, not like it hurt me before

00:55:05I'll call me someone that I know won't desert me

00:55:09I will never, I will never be alone anymore

00:55:12So once I can change, it's mine, you better not take it

00:55:17As long as I've got the love, I'm gonna make it

00:55:20For once in my life, I got trouble who needs

00:55:24So once I can change, it's mine, you better not take it

00:55:31As long as I've got love, I'm gonna make it

00:55:35For once in my life, I got trouble who needs

00:55:39La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

00:55:42Once in my life, I got someone

00:55:45I've got someone

00:55:49I got someone

00:55:53Who, I said, who needs me

00:56:03When you're ringing, it's mine, you better not take it

00:56:08If you're screaming

00:56:10So once in my life, that's it

00:56:14At the helm of this wonderful band

00:56:39And then, for me, my man, Mr. George Rhodes

00:56:42Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd please a time

00:56:44This next song, I'm very happy to say

00:56:53Two friends of mine are responsible

00:56:55For my having the privilege of introducing it

00:56:58At home

00:56:59In the colonies

00:57:01Mr. Don Black, the composer

00:57:07And a tremendously terrific guy and singer

00:57:11Mr. Matt Monroe

00:57:12Which I'm very proud to say

00:57:14One of my claims to fame in 48 years in show business

00:57:17Is the fact that I'm taller than he is

00:57:20We'd like to do Matt's song

00:57:23In my heyday

00:57:42Young girls wrote to me

00:57:46Everybody seemed to have time

00:57:49To devote to me

00:57:52Everybody I saw

00:57:56All swore they knew me

00:57:59Once upon a song

00:58:02Main attraction

00:58:06Couldn't buy a seat

00:58:09The celebrity

00:58:12Celebrities would die to me

00:58:16I had every act you laid

00:58:20Bestowed on me

00:58:22And so you see

00:58:25If I never sing

00:58:29Another song

00:58:34It shouldn't bother me

00:58:40I've had my share

00:58:42I've had my share

00:58:43Of fame

00:58:45You'd know my name

00:58:48If I never sing

00:58:52Another song

00:58:57Or take another vow

00:59:02I wasn't fine

00:59:04I wasn't fine

00:59:05But I don't know

00:59:10How

00:59:12Always posing

00:59:17But you love it all

00:59:19But you love it all

00:59:22Though you have to learn to act

00:59:25Like you're above it all

00:59:27Everything I did

00:59:30The world applauded

00:59:32The world applauded

00:59:33Once upon a start

00:59:37Frame citations

00:59:42Hang on every wall

00:59:44Got a scrapbook full of quotes

00:59:48I can't recall them

00:59:50I can't recall them all

00:59:52There were times I felt

00:59:54The world belonged to me

00:59:57And so you see

01:00:01If I never sing

01:00:05Another song

01:00:10It shouldn't bother me

01:00:15I've had my share

01:00:20Of fame

01:00:21You know my name

01:00:24If I never sing

01:00:28Another song

01:00:34Or take another vow

01:00:39I would get by

01:00:42But I don't know

01:00:45But I don't know

01:00:46How

01:00:48La, la, la, la, la, la

01:00:52La, la, la, la, la

01:00:57La, la, la, la, la

01:00:59La, la, la, la, la

01:01:02I've had my share

01:01:05Of fame

01:01:07You know my name

01:01:11La, la, la, la, la, la

01:01:26La, la, la, la, la

01:01:28Le, le, le, yeah

01:01:34Le, le, le, la, la, la, la, la

01:01:54You've done a great time.

01:01:56Thank you very much.

01:01:56You guys play the beautifully.

01:01:58Thank you, guys.

01:01:59Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

01:02:01I would like to.

01:02:09I would like to this night, since I'm on a roll, I would like to do now a thing that I've been doing every time I come to England.

01:02:18This is one of those numbers.

01:02:20Thanks for coming.

01:02:21Bruce!

01:02:23Bruce, what are you doing here?

01:02:26What am I doing here?

01:02:30Yes, I mean, what are you doing here?

01:02:32For an hour and a half, I've been warming this lot up.

01:02:34You know, I've kept them on the boil for the big build-up for you.

01:02:36Didn't anybody tell you this was my show?

01:02:38If they had, if they had, would I have been here?

01:02:41Oh, just a minute.

01:02:48Hardly the start to an intimate chat bit that we're going to do now.

01:02:52No, no.

01:02:52Yes, an intimate chat.

01:02:54An intimate chat.

01:02:55Come on.

01:02:56Look, he's got goblets.

01:03:03He's got the goblets and the whole thing.

01:03:05This is a surprise, you see.

01:03:06Now, I've never been on your show in America.

01:03:09No.

01:03:09But I know all about it.

01:03:10And you have the silver goblets.

01:03:12Right.

01:03:12And you have the Dubonnet.

01:03:15Yes.

01:03:16Right?

01:03:16Is that right?

01:03:17That's absolutely correct.

01:03:18And the Perrier water?

01:03:19Yes.

01:03:20Is that too much?

01:03:21That's marvellous.

01:03:22Let me see.

01:03:23Perrier water.

01:03:24Marvellous bouquet.

01:03:25Wrong side of the hill.

01:03:28Is that enough?

01:03:29That's enough?

01:03:29Marvellous.

01:03:30Would you like some ice?

01:03:31No, this is marvellous.

01:03:32It's monogrammed.

01:03:33I may be able to make a necklace out of it.

01:03:40I know.

01:03:40There we are.

01:03:41Just one?

01:03:41Just one.

01:03:42That's fine.

01:03:43Well, welcome, Sam.

01:03:44You know, I can't believe it's 18 years ago since we, you know, I mean, we first met

01:03:50in that raw variety show at the Victoria Palace, it was.

01:03:54Yes, it was.

01:03:55I was trying to think of it the other week or so ago.

01:03:57I know.

01:03:58And Nat King Cole was also on the bill.

01:04:01Yes, it was a great bill.

01:04:02Charlie Drake.

01:04:03And Charlie Drake was on it?

01:04:04Right.

01:04:05I followed Charlie Drake on the stage.

01:04:07Did you really?

01:04:08Yes.

01:04:08And he did the balloon thing.

01:04:10Oh, that lovely balloon bit, yeah.

01:04:11Yes.

01:04:12And I had to, it took me four days just to step around the balloons, you know.

01:04:17It was a great thrill.

01:04:19It was.

01:04:19Well, to, well, good night, lads.

01:04:25Was it something we said?

01:04:27Yes.

01:04:32It could have been worse.

01:04:36It could have been them.

01:04:36It could have been worse.

01:04:37It could have been them.

01:04:40We've had that before.

01:04:41Let's face it.

01:04:42We've gone through it.

01:04:42At the same raw variety show.

01:04:45No, but that was a weekend I will never forget because meeting Nat King Cole and you in the

01:04:50same weekend was one of the big thrills because I'd just started at the Palladium and Nat was

01:04:55one of the biggest gentlemen I think I've ever met and I assure you.

01:04:58He was a gentle man.

01:05:00Yeah, he really was.

01:05:01A gentle man.

01:05:01He really was.

01:05:02And it's the only time that evening, I knew Nat 20, 25 years, and that was the only time,

01:05:09Bruce, that he really was shook up because Nat, not only was that, that wasn't any facade

01:05:16with him.

01:05:16No, no.

01:05:17He was cool.

01:05:18He invented cool.

01:05:19Yeah, yeah.

01:05:20And, you know, nothing disturbed him.

01:05:21A drunk, people fighting in a nightclub, nothing would disturb him.

01:05:25He'd go on.

01:05:26But I remember that after he did his bit, he went on early, came back.

01:05:30He walked in the dressing room, we were dressing together, and he had two fingers of scotch,

01:05:36and he never drank.

01:05:37Really?

01:05:38He was just, he was shaking.

01:05:40He had two fingers of scotch, that seemed to have cooled him down, and we were all looking

01:05:43at Nat like this.

01:05:45You know.

01:05:46Yeah.

01:05:46And he did this, which he did all the time.

01:05:49That's right.

01:05:49This way.

01:05:50And he said, day out there.

01:05:55That was his great comment.

01:05:58Oh, thank you.

01:06:00That's beautiful.

01:06:01Well, now, what amazed me that night is you did the Royal Variety Show, and you were a

01:06:06tremendous hit.

01:06:07A great, great big hit, and we look forward to you coming over for quite a few years, and

01:06:11when you actually sort of descended upon us, we couldn't believe it.

01:06:14But you went straight from there, and you opened at the Begale on the same night.

01:06:19Yes.

01:06:19Of the Royal Variety.

01:06:20Now, have you always driven yourself that hard?

01:06:22I mean, to do a Royal Variety Show is one thing, but then to go and open in a club on

01:06:26the same night.

01:06:27Well, let me tell you something.

01:06:28Some almost 20 years later, I would never do that today.

01:06:31No.

01:06:32No, I didn't.

01:06:33It was insanity.

01:06:34Yes, you've learned since then.

01:06:35Oh, I've learned a great deal.

01:06:36But I tell you what it did do.

01:06:38Yeah.

01:06:38From the reception that the audience was kind enough to give me, it was such a lift.

01:06:43Yeah.

01:06:43I walked into the Begale, and I was 6'4", and weighed 240 pounds.

01:06:49He really took all the momentum with me.

01:06:52Lovely.

01:06:53Well, now, I'd like to ask you a question.

01:06:54I'm going to do a bit of name-dropping here, if you don't mind.

01:06:57All right.

01:06:57Frank Sinatra was over recently, and he worked at the Festival Hall, and he's still in great

01:07:03voice.

01:07:04Where did you actually meet Frank?

01:07:05Where was your first meeting with Frank?

01:07:07My first meeting with Sinatra was in Detroit, Michigan, in the early 40s.

01:07:13Yeah.

01:07:13He was still with Tommy Dorsey's band, and he was about to leave.

01:07:17He left like six or eight weeks after this particular engagement, and we went in as a

01:07:23sub-act.

01:07:24My dad, my uncle, and myself, we were supposed to tip-tap and toe, the great dancing act,

01:07:30was supposed to be on the bill.

01:07:32Something happened.

01:07:33They didn't make the date, and they got a local act, and we were living in Detroit at

01:07:37the time, and we took tip-tap and toe's place, and it was a split week, as we call

01:07:42it, like a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you know.

01:07:44And I walked in, and that's where I met Buddy Rich, and I met all of the Dorsey

01:07:50greats, you know.

01:07:51And Frank and I, and he liked me, he said, you know, and we just sort of hit it off.

01:07:57And from that point on, you know, we've had our ups and downs, I think, as any two guys

01:08:02will have.

01:08:03You know, but as I like to say, he cared long before it was fashionable to care.

01:08:11I know, I know what you mean.

01:08:12You know what I mean.

01:08:12Yeah, yeah.

01:08:13You know, and he opened up a lot of doors for me, you know.

01:08:15He did.

01:08:17Love it.

01:08:18Well, now, I'd also like to know, and I'm sure I'm speaking for a lot of other people

01:08:21as well, Dean Martin only came over here once, and that was with Jerry Lewis, you know.

01:08:27And there again, they didn't have good reviews on it, but I'd love to know why Dean, why

01:08:30do you think Dean has never come over here?

01:08:32Because he would be so loved, and I know he probably doesn't need the money.

01:08:36None of you need the money, really.

01:08:37But I mean...

01:08:38Don't worry, the check's in the post.

01:08:43All this, all this, and no matches, for goodness sake.

01:08:53We're the gold matches.

01:08:55Yes.

01:08:56Oh, now I know why you wanted a match.

01:08:59She's a good match.

01:09:00Yeah.

01:09:01Yeah, like my five.

01:09:03Right.

01:09:05He's going to come out.

01:09:07But Dean, why do you think he's never been over?

01:09:09Have you any idea of why?

01:09:10Well, Dean is not a goer, you know.

01:09:13It's hard to get him to leave Las Vegas to go to Los Angeles, where he lives.

01:09:22Once you get him to Vegas, he stays there, and he's like this.

01:09:25But in the old days, when he and Jerry were together, they did all the nightclubs, but

01:09:29as Dean got older, his main ambition in life is to get up at 8 o'clock in the morning, play

01:09:3618 holes of golf every day, some days 36 holes.

01:09:40Oh, he loves golf.

01:09:40I know, I've seen him play golf.

01:09:41He plays golf constantly.

01:09:43He travels around.

01:09:45His buddies are non-show business people.

01:09:47Yeah, yeah.

01:09:48And they're, you know, mostly businessmen.

01:09:51And he travels in a completely separate world from, say, Frank or myself or any of our contemporaries.

01:09:58Oh, I see.

01:09:58Yes, that's what you mean.

01:09:59And he really doesn't like doing Las Vegas.

01:10:03No.

01:10:03You know, he really hates to do it.

01:10:04And he walks on and does 45 minutes, and that's the end of it.

01:10:07One show a night.

01:10:08Well, I play golf with his son a lot in Los Angeles.

01:10:11And funnily enough, we went to see Dean work in Vegas.

01:10:14Anthony and I went to see him work.

01:10:16And the plane was waiting, because you've all got your planes.

01:10:18It's funny, Vegas, but as soon as they finish, their plane is waiting, not their cab.

01:10:23Their plane.

01:10:23The plane didn't come to hold it.

01:10:26Right.

01:10:28You see, which is only just, I mean, he could have stayed another night, but he had to get on the, he wanted to go straight out of the stage door, onto the plane, and get home.

01:10:35Straight away.

01:10:36You know, after the end of the week.

01:10:37But, you know, we've heard many rumours about why he won't come over here, why he doesn't feel like it.

01:10:41You know, we did hear one rumour that he may be a bit scared of being charged duty on his liver through the customs.

01:10:47I didn't mean to catch you on the swallows.

01:11:02On the swallows.

01:11:03OK, we've seen the rings.

01:11:04Who said he was going to be pleasant?

01:11:20That was a quick round, you know?

01:11:23Now, you know, actually, the rings does lead into the next thing I want to ask you, because, you know, you are a big spender.

01:11:29You've always been a big spender.

01:11:31Yes.

01:11:31And, I mean, I was reading a little bit about you, and actually, I mean, I know a lot about you, but there's always something you don't know about a person.

01:11:38And I hear that your teeth.

01:11:41Yes.

01:11:44No, they are real teeth.

01:11:46I wasn't going to say anything like that.

01:11:47They are teeth, but, I mean, you've had $9,000 worth of work.

01:11:51Yeah.

01:11:52In those teeth.

01:11:53Which accounts for the reason why I smile all the time.

01:11:55Yeah, exactly.

01:11:58Which camera can we zoom in on?

01:12:00I would like to see the teeth.

01:12:01Can we get, yeah.

01:12:06That's about, that's about 6,000 pounds.

01:12:09About 6,000.

01:12:10Could I have a close of my teeth, please?

01:12:141958, eight shillings.

01:12:16Next one.

01:12:16I must say something about the big spending.

01:12:25When we first met, I was living the way I live today.

01:12:29My lifestyle has never changed.

01:12:30The only thing that I can say now is I now can afford to live that way.

01:12:36In the old days, I could never.

01:12:38Now, the minute you walked in the joint, I knew you were a man of distinction.

01:12:43You wouldn't trap me like that.

01:12:50I was going to change you onto something else, but you went into it.

01:12:52Go ahead.

01:12:53Well, now, Sam, I'd like to talk about impressions.

01:12:56I really would, because if...

01:12:59What's the matter?

01:12:59I would like to talk about impressions you have made, a fairly good-sized career out of impersonating me.

01:13:10Yes, yes, you have.

01:13:13Yes, you have.

01:13:15No, I mean that.

01:13:17Putting your nose down like you didn't do anything.

01:13:24It doesn't hurt your nose.

01:13:26It doesn't hurt when you push it down like...

01:13:28I don't push it.

01:13:28Well, then switch chairs with me over here.

01:13:31Switch chairs with me.

01:13:32If you've got a few impressions, then I want you to switch chairs.

01:13:37Didn't he do well?

01:13:40Good game.

01:13:42Good game.

01:13:44Ooh, what a cool.

01:13:48Okay, now, here's the one I love that you do.

01:13:51Nice to see you.

01:13:53To see you.

01:13:56Nice.

01:14:02And remember, I'm in charge.

01:14:07How embarrassing.

01:14:09How embarrassing.

01:14:10Now, can I do you, then?

01:14:11Can I do you?

01:14:12I'd love to see you.

01:14:13I think you'd do the best me in the world.

01:14:15Do you really?

01:14:16Oh, it's lovely, sir.

01:14:18We're just...

01:14:19Yes, we can.

01:14:19Oh.

01:14:28How about that for a little piggy?

01:14:29I've got this off the mayor of Slough.

01:14:40I'll be with you in a minute.

01:14:43I'll be with you in a minute.

01:14:44I'll be with you in a minute.

01:14:47I need all the props, you see.

01:14:49I'll be with you in a minute.

01:14:50I need all the props, you see.

01:14:51I'd just like to say, sincerely.

01:15:00I'd just like to say, sincerely.

01:15:01Sincerely.

01:15:03I'd just like to say, Bruce, that you're not only a great all-round performer.

01:15:15You're a great all-round human being.

01:15:21In that, you bring a precious gift of laughter to people in this troubled world.

01:15:27Brucey.

01:15:30If I may single out just one tiny facet of your talented genius, it would be your impression

01:15:44of me.

01:15:44It's going to be one of the greatest impressions of all time.

01:15:50Or even longer than that.

01:15:51I'm doing it.

01:15:54You are, my love, and I love the way you do that.

01:16:06Even though you enjoy life, you know.

01:16:08When I did the impression, I think, at the Prince of Wales, and you were at the rehearsal,

01:16:12and I did the first time I ever did my impression of you there, and in the end, he fell off his

01:16:18seat and he's up and down the aisle crawling with laughter.

01:16:22You know, because it's one thing to do an impersonation like, you know, we're both into impressions.

01:16:26Yeah.

01:16:28And I used to do Sinatra, and I tried to do it right here on the nose.

01:16:32Now, what happened is what you do is you take someone who is, because when the people see

01:16:38this, I'm not talking about you and your family and my family having lunch together or dinner

01:16:42together.

01:16:43But this image is bigger than life.

01:16:45Now, you carved a caricature.

01:16:46Caricature, yeah.

01:16:47And that's beautiful.

01:16:48That's what I always try.

01:16:49I am highly complimented by that.

01:16:50Oh, that's lovely.

01:16:51I want everybody to know that.

01:16:52I think that is really marvelous.

01:16:54Well, now, we're all so born about this idea.

01:16:55When were you actually born?

01:16:56I was born in 19...

01:16:57Come on.

01:16:58I thought it was my eye for a minute.

01:17:15I thought it was my eye for a minute.

01:17:21Ah!

01:17:22Ah!

01:17:23Ah!

01:17:24Ah!

01:17:25Ah!

01:17:26Ah!

01:17:27Ah!

01:17:28Ah!

01:17:29Ah!

01:17:30Ah!

01:17:31Ah!

01:17:32Ah!

01:17:33Ah!

01:17:34Ah!

01:17:35Ah!

01:17:36Ah!

01:17:37Ah!

01:17:38Ah!

01:17:39Ah!

01:17:401925.

01:17:411925, you were born, and when did you go into the business?

01:17:44I went in, ah, I won my first amateur contest when I was three years old.

01:17:481928?

01:17:49Yes.

01:17:50I knew you had the edge on me.

01:17:51But I thought I'd say that, because later on we're going to do stuff, and I don't want

01:17:57people to make too many comparisons, but, you know...

01:18:00You know, Sammy, the vaudeville things that I used to love seeing, you know, and we both

01:18:09grew up in vaudeville, and I used to love it when the two guys used to do a sort of a

01:18:13song and dance number.

01:18:14One would have a microphone.

01:18:15Yes.

01:18:16One would dance, and I just wondered if we could just kick back around a bit to just

01:18:20finish with.

01:18:21You mean go back to the old days?

01:18:22Go back to the old days, just the way it was done.

01:18:24Not too old, but, you know...

01:18:25Okay.

01:18:26You've got a song picked out, obviously.

01:18:27Yeah, we've got a song.

01:18:28Alright then?

01:18:29Okay, what's the song?

01:18:30Uh, Just In Time.

01:18:31Yeah, I know.

01:18:32I thought you'd, you know...

01:18:33I think it could work.

01:18:34Let's move over here.

01:18:35And, uh, fine.

01:18:36Just have a...

01:18:37Now, uh, you're the guest.

01:18:38Do you like something?

01:18:39No, I am the guest, but it is your show.

01:18:40No, I am the guest, but it is your show.

01:18:41You feel free.

01:18:42Just in time.

01:18:43I found you just in time.

01:18:45Before you came, my time was running low.

01:19:04I was lost, the losing dice were tossed.

01:19:14Ha, ha!

01:19:15My bridge is all her cross.

01:19:18No place to go.

01:19:23Now you're here.

01:19:27And now I know just where I'm going.

01:19:32No more doubts open.

01:19:35Dance!

01:19:36I'm on my way.

01:19:39Because love came just in time.

01:19:43I'm on you just in time.

01:19:46I'm on you just in time.

01:19:48You saved my heavenly life that lucky day.

01:19:56Well, now you're here.

01:20:00And now I know just where I'm going.

01:20:05No, no, no more doubt or prayers.

01:20:09I'm on my way.

01:20:14Because love came just in time.

01:20:18I'll have you until you die

01:20:22Before you take my, my love

01:20:28Change my lonely

01:20:32Change my life

01:20:34That lovely day

01:20:48I'll have you until you die

01:21:12I'm getting too old for this change

01:21:14It was fine

01:21:16I mean the skipping around there you were like a little old Jewish guy

01:21:20I don't want this

01:21:22Come as a shock, but I am

01:21:24A little old Jew

01:21:30I usually sing a little song at the end of the show

01:21:32And on this occasion

01:21:34No, no, please

01:21:36It's the goodnight song, but please stay

01:21:38We've got a board over there with a few words

01:21:40One of those

01:21:46We hope

01:21:48We've helped to make your Saturday

01:21:50Of fun and time just doesn't matter day

01:21:56Tomorrow

01:21:58Never

01:22:00Ever comes

01:22:02At least that's what they say

01:22:06I hope they're wrong

01:22:08And it's not too long

01:22:12Until we spend

01:22:14Another

01:22:16Another

01:22:18Saturday

01:22:20With

01:22:22You

01:22:24You

01:22:26Goodnight everybody

01:22:28I'm never doing this show again

01:22:30You

01:22:32I'm never doing this

01:22:34You're never doing this

01:22:36You're never doing this show

01:22:38You're never doing this show again

01:22:40We always, always give one of these to the losers.

01:22:49We have a joker thing, you see.

01:22:51All the losers we give.

01:22:52All the losers.

01:22:54But from your hands, I feel like a winner.

01:22:57Oh, how lovely.

01:22:58Good night, everybody.

01:22:59Good night.

01:23:10Good night.

01:23:40Good night.

01:24:10Good night.

01:24:16Good night.

01:24:19Good night.

01:24:20Good night.

01:24:24Yeah.

Bruce Forsyth's Big Night (1978) S01E06 - Sammy Davis Jnr, Francoise Pascal, Kenny Everett, Phil Parkes

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