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Have I Got News for You (US) Season 3 Episode 3
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00:00.
00:21Come on, TV.
00:22Come on, TV.
00:23Come on, TV.
00:25Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:31I'm Roy Wood Jr. in the news this week.
00:34Stephen Miller and Marco Rubio
00:37await Trump's return from Great Britain.
00:43Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 6 premieres.
00:47On every scene tonight,
00:54he's a former Republican congressman from Illinois,
00:56but now he lives on a farm upstate
00:58where he frolics with all the other retired politicians,
01:01or at least that's what my parents told me.
01:03It's Adam Kissinger.
01:09And joining Michael,
01:11she's a comedian, actress, and host of the podcast
01:14Fake the Nation, which is the kind of podcast
01:17that people actually listen to,
01:19not the one that your weird neighbor makes in the basement.
01:21It's Nageen Farsad.
01:27Now, for the biggest stories of the week, Adam, Amber.
01:31Hi.
01:32I will show you video clips,
01:33and you tell me, what is the story?
01:37Simple.
01:38Bald man.
01:39This little lady is pointing because she's mad at the FCC.
01:41Yeah.
01:42And you got Jimmy Kimmel.
01:44Jimmy Kimmel.
01:45This is about
01:46Jimmy Kimmel getting snatched off the air.
01:50Oh, yeah, points.
01:51You all already know what the hell that was.
01:52Yay!
01:53The story is Jimmy Kimmel Free Speech Cancer Culture,
01:56and if you want to talk about what's going on,
01:58but you also want to keep your job,
02:00here's some advice.
02:01Shut up!
02:02Shut the fuck!
02:03You're all right.
02:04Shut up!
02:05Will you?
02:06Shut up!
02:07Shut up!
02:08Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut up!
02:10Does anyone know why ABC decided to shelve Jimmy Kimmel's show indefinitely?
02:16Those are cowards?
02:17Hang on.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:19This is the FCC.
02:20Hang on.
02:21Uh-oh.
02:22Understood.
02:23Uh, new question.
02:25Why did awful liberal Jimmy Kimmel get what he deserved?
02:31Uh, what was it that Kimmel supposedly did that got him in trouble?
02:37Ultimately, what happened is Donald Trump got his feelings hurt,
02:41and when he gets his feelings hurt, he now uses the government to get his way.
02:45His FCC commissioner made it clear that he's gonna do his bidding,
02:48and all the other late-night hosts are next, according to them.
02:52Adam, we're trying to stay on the air over here.
02:57Let's just look at the-the thing that offensive, disrespectful liberal Jimmy Kimmel did.
03:07Yeah.
03:08Let's look at the offensive thing Kimmel said.
03:10You gotta be locked up in Jim.
03:11That's the way it has to be now.
03:12Or, uh, involuntary lethal injection.
03:14Yep.
03:15Or something.
03:16Uh, just kill him.
03:17My bad, my bad.
03:18That was the wrong clip.
03:19That was-
03:20That was Brian Kill Me talking about killing homeless people.
03:23And he's still employed.
03:24Yeah, yeah.
03:25Can we play the actual Kimmel clip?
03:27Play the actual Kimmel clip.
03:28We hit some new lows over the weekend,
03:30with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize
03:33this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them,
03:37and doing everything they can to score political points from it.
03:40Was that clip offensive?
03:43And remember, no matter how you answer, you will be fired.
03:47Things escalated quickly from there.
03:52Uh, let's go through the timeline of what went down, um, over the week on Wednesday.
03:56Uh, does anyone know what happened earlier in the day on Wednesday,
04:00before the Kimmel suspension came down the pipeline?
04:04A podcast?
04:05Brendan Carr was on, and he kinda did a little,
04:07be ashamed if something happened to your little nightly show there,
04:10or your little network, if, uh...
04:12And so, yeah, he basically was implying,
04:14gosh, ABC better take care of this,
04:17because I'd hate to use the power of the government against him.
04:19Points for Team Amber.
04:20Uh, hours before Kimmel's show was put on pause,
04:23FCC Chairman Brendan Carr was on a right-wing podcast and had this to say.
04:29I think that it's, it's, it's really sort of past time that a lot of these licensed broadcasters themselves
04:34push back on Comcast and Disney and say, listen, we are going to preempt,
04:38we are not gonna run Kimmel anymore until you straighten this out.
04:43I mean, look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.
04:45Is this the easy way?
04:48He's saying, if you don't straighten, straighten this out,
04:51and it's unclear what this is that he's referring to,
04:54the government will violate your First Amendment and pull you off the air.
04:59Uh, he didn't say it in those words, because that would be unconstitutional,
05:02but that's what happened, and that's the result.
05:05The FCC's in the licensing business because you don't want two shows on the same spectrum in the same town.
05:11It's not about content control, and it's not about taking away your First Amendment right.
05:16Right after Carr said that, uh, Nexstar, a company that owns a lot of the ABC affiliate stations,
05:21said that they were preempting Jimmy Kimmel Live immediately because of his comments on Charlie Kirk
05:27and that, quote,
05:29continuing to give Mr. Kimmel a broadcast platform in the communities we serve
05:34is simply not in the public interest at the current time.
05:37At which Carr, from the podcast earlier, then tweeted,
05:41I want to thank Nexstar for doing the right thing.
05:45Jeez, even the Sopranos are more subtle when they, like, drive people.
05:49There was one free speech warrior in the midst of all of this
05:52who stood up for Kimmel by tweeting this online.
05:55They said, quote,
05:57political satire is one of the oldest and most important forms of free speech.
06:01That's why people in influential positions have always targeted it for censorship.
06:07Are you trying to trick us? Is it someone who's really bad?
06:11You'd think it would be somebody who hadn't yanked Jimmy Kimmel off the air.
06:18But, in fact, it's Brendan Carr.
06:22Points, points, points over there. Yes!
06:24FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, back in 2022, said that...
06:29Now, look, guys, I'm starting to feel like there's some hypocrisy going on.
06:32But has someone shown him this tweet?
06:35Maybe this whole thing is just a giant misunderstanding.
06:38I know Brendan Carr. I served on the committee that oversaw the FCC.
06:43So I knew him in his time there. And I will say this about him.
06:46He really, really wants to be liked and popular.
06:49And I think he found his way to do it in a certain community.
06:51Ever since you left politics, you talk mad shit, and I like that.
06:57I'm out of prison. It's great.
06:59You're about to be back in, though.
07:00I know. It feels like that.
07:02What's Ted Cruz like?
07:03You worked as a Republican in this White House.
07:07Is there a way to be liked as a Republican without dirty knees?
07:12Hey! I'll say this. Look.
07:17One of my good friends was John McCain, and people got to like him
07:22because they knew...
07:23People want to know that when you're doing something,
07:25you're doing it because you actually really believe it.
07:28I think people respect that. What they don't respect
07:31is how the Republican Party has gone from a party that believed in X,
07:35and now, however many years later, the exact opposite of that.
07:38For example, constantly suing people all the time,
07:42and the Republican Party used to be against frivolous lawsuits.
07:45So, how did ABC react to the news that a major affiliate group
07:51was going to be preempting one of their more popular programs?
07:55They got together and said,
07:56yeah, we're not gonna say or do shit.
08:00According to Rolling Stone, ABC Disney and affiliates held emergency meetings,
08:04and multiple execs felt that Kimmel had not actually said anything over the line.
08:11But the threat of Trump retaliation loomed, or as one ABC insider put it,
08:17they were pissing themselves all day.
08:20Yeah.
08:21Honestly, I would watch that show.
08:24Now, ultimately, ABC did decide to pull Kimmel's show.
08:28Uh, does anyone know how Brendan Carr responded
08:32when CNN Brian Seltzer reached out for comment afterwards?
08:36It was a celebratory response, not a professional response
08:40you would expect from an FCC chairman.
08:42Seltzer from CNN, uh, said on XQuote,
08:45I asked FCC chairman Brendan Carr if he had any new comment
08:48now that ABC has pulled Jimmy Kimmel's show,
08:51and he sent me this gif.
08:54So, I don't understand why he would use that graphic
08:56to celebrate an ABC show being taken off the air.
09:00The Office is an NBC show.
09:03If he wanted to respond with an ABC show,
09:05this is what he should have sent.
09:07Then I do my...
09:13A Sinclair broadcast group also voiced their displeasure.
09:17What did Sinclair ask for from Kimmel
09:20if he wants to be back on their airwaves?
09:23He had to apologize and donate money to TPUSA,
09:29a political organization of which Jimmy Kimmel...
09:32Well, we should be clear. It's Charlie Kirk's political organization.
09:35It's not just some random organization.
09:38Yeah. It's for you.
09:45Understood.
09:46I'm sorry.
09:50Sinclair issued a statement on Wednesday saying, quote,
09:55suspension is not enough, and calling on Kimmel to issue a direct apology to the Kirk family.
10:01Furthermore, we asked Mr. Kimmel to make a meaningful personal donation to the Kirk family
10:06and Turning Point USA, Charlie Kirk's conservative advocacy group.
10:11They also want Jimmy Kimmel to bring back mean tweets because that was a good bit.
10:16Here's the president in England on Thursday.
10:19Jimmy Kimmel is not a talented person.
10:21He had very bad ratings and they should have fired him a long time ago.
10:24So, you know, you can call that free speech or not.
10:27He was fired for lack of talent.
10:29Can I ask... Can I ask a question?
10:31Why is it, ladies, that you can put foundation so much on your face
10:36and completely not blend it in to everything here and back?
10:40Isn't there a way to at least do some kind of a transition
10:44so that it doesn't look like...
10:46I keep looking at that, I'm like, is nobody telling him?
10:50Like, does it care?
10:52Adam, you know, what we should do is send him some TikTok tutorials.
10:56Because that's what...
10:57I love them!
10:58Yeah, right?
10:59And I think he could really...
11:00He could have a smoky eye by Thursday.
11:02By the time he fires Roy Wood from his job.
11:05Yay!
11:06Either the president think I'm Kenan Thompson.
11:09He don't know who I am.
11:12I'm safe, baby.
11:14So, the president says that Jimmy Kimmel has no talent.
11:17And to be fair to President Trump, if anybody knows talent,
11:20that's a man who knows talent.
11:23Green acres is the place to be.
11:26Farm living is the life for me.
11:30Land spreading out so far and wide.
11:34Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.
11:37That's how you connect with rural voters right there.
11:40Get on TV with a pitchfork.
11:42And in case there was any confusion to the Kimmel thing,
11:49the president added even more clarity to the situation
11:52a little later on.
11:53All they do is send Trump.
11:54They're not allowed to do that.
11:56They're an arm of the Democrat Party.
11:58Do you all think that's true?
11:59Do you all think late-night shows only create a place
12:01for liberal dialogue?
12:03Amber, you be over there with Seth Meyers sometimes.
12:05Is 30 Rock just a big-ass liberal building?
12:08Yeah.
12:14Now, I'm just an acting school dropout
12:18and a former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
12:20Ooh.
12:21Okay.
12:22But it seems to me that's exactly what the First Amendment says
12:25you can do.
12:26You can say whatever you want.
12:28You can argue this 15 years ago
12:31that maybe conservatives didn't have enough voice
12:33on the media.
12:34Are you kidding me?
12:36You look at a certain 24-hour news channel,
12:39you look at all these podcasts,
12:41conservatives have as much of a voice
12:43as anybody has ever had at any point in history,
12:46but they feed on this idea
12:48that they're always oppressed.
12:50And there is nobody that's better at being a victim
12:53than the president himself.
12:54The most powerful man in the world
12:56is a victim of everything.
12:59And everybody.
13:00And it's exhausting.
13:02Well, if you went bald and had to get a hair transplant,
13:06you might be upset, too.
13:08Yeah.
13:09So far, the president has targeted CBS,
13:11The Wall Street Journal, ABC,
13:13and The New York Times.
13:15Question to the panel.
13:16Do you think this is all part of an overall strategy?
13:20Yeah.
13:21No, duh, Roy. No, duh.
13:23You think that just because he's filed a bunch of lawsuits
13:26trying to silence media organizations and police
13:28who they have on the air based on their opinion,
13:30that there's an overall strategy to suppress the media?
13:34Well, this is the point, is all of this is about intimidation.
13:38Not a single one of the lawsuits that Donald Trump would ever bring would ever win.
13:43But you intimidate, you threaten corporations, and it's the same with individuals
13:47when he threatens jail with individuals or he threatens an investigation.
13:51Now they have to defend themselves against spurious charges.
13:54And that, in and of itself, is the intimidation.
13:57As a comedian who's gotten, like, very many death threats and stuff like that,
14:02I would say, go back to that.
14:05I mean, like, you know what I mean?
14:07Like, instead of carting people off and firing them and whatever,
14:11go back to the garden variety, like, digital hate mail.
14:15Well, at least you know people are thinking about you.
14:21In many ways, that's flattering.
14:23What conservative came out on Friday to voice their concerns about the Kimmel situation?
14:31It was one Theodore Rafael Cruz of Texas.
14:36Uh, yes, it was Texas senator and vacation enthusiast during snowstorms.
14:41Ted Cruz.
14:43On his podcast verdict, Ted Cruz had this to say about Brendan Carr's threats towards Jimmy Kimmel.
14:50No.
14:51No.
14:52No.
14:53No.
14:54No.
14:55No.
14:56Look, look, I like Brendan Carr.
14:57He's a good guy.
14:58He's the chairman of the FCC.
14:59I work closely with him.
15:00But what he said there is dangerous as hell.
15:04You got to hand it to Ted Cruz right there.
15:06No, you got to take it right back immediately, because it's Ted Cruz.
15:09But you got to hand it to Ted Cruz on that one.
15:12That's one of them retweets.
15:13You're like...
15:14These are just the latest skirmishes in the battle over free speech.
15:19And that conversation has been at the forefront, of course, since Charlie Kirk's assassination.
15:24But the reason why Nexstar might be kissing up to the FCC is because Nexstar is trying to get approval for a big merger.
15:30Its $6.2 billion proposed acquisition of Tegna would create a mega company that would reach 80% of television households in the United States.
15:42Follow-up question.
15:43Have I ever heard of Tegna?
15:45No.
15:46I've never heard of Nexstar.
15:47I've never heard of Tegna.
15:48How are these like the most important companies in the country?
15:51I've never heard of them.
15:52Because the country is run by silent corporations who live in the shadows and don't want you to know that they're there and actually influencing all of the laws and making everything terrible.
16:07I'm sorry.
16:08I'm the host.
16:09I'm not supposed to have an opinion.
16:12Does anyone watch TV at home anymore?
16:16Like maybe the silver lining is TV's dying anyway?
16:20I'm sorry.
16:21Are you on TV right now?
16:22I didn't mean...
16:24It's not dying.
16:26You're doing the right thing.
16:28Stay seated.
16:29More have I got news.
16:30It's coming right out.
16:34I just think if the FCC allows that to go through, man, then we can just say the FCC stands for fucking clown car.
16:41Yeah.
16:43Uh-oh.
16:44Oh, shit.
16:46Hang on.
16:48Brendan Carr.
16:49Let's see.
16:50Hey.
16:51Okay.
16:52Yes.
16:53Apparently, FCC stands for fine, cool, and collected.
17:00Laugh!
17:01Fucking laugh.
17:03The thing that I think is tough is right now, you know, all of media is going through this kind of massive reconfiguration, all these consolidations, everything else.
17:12And right now, if for that, this is the absolute wrong administration to have at this specific time in media, because it's not even about will they allow monopolies or will they not?
17:25It's about, are they gonna profit?
17:27There is so much, you know, hands in the pot that are getting paid out of some of this stuff.
17:32And so for them to just threaten them is absolutely unreal.
17:35And it's frightening because we're gonna end up coming out of this administration with the damage that's being done anyway.
17:40But on top of that, these mega, mega companies that will be tough to compete against.
17:45And despite everything, hate speech is still allowed in this country.
17:49Or as one person eloquently put it,
17:51You should be allowed to say outrageous things.
17:54You should be allowed to say contrarian things.
18:05Welcome back to Have I Got News For You.
18:07Michael, in the game, watch the clip.
18:09Tell me, what is the story?
18:12So that's the president and a guy who's not gonna have his job very long.
18:16Oh, a Bitcoin.
18:17Okay, I know what that is.
18:18So crypto, oh, a nice hand, a firm one.
18:20Two white people, very good.
18:22Oh.
18:23And money.
18:24This could be about literally anything.
18:25Everything, yeah.
18:26Yes, this is every story.
18:27It's like every day.
18:28The story is the president went to England, came home, and got paid every step of the way.
18:35In other words, Trump is kind of acting like this.
18:38Hey, Mr. Wonderful here.
18:39First of all, thank you, Coco Bear, because I have a labubu.
18:42Oh, my labubu has glasses too.
18:45Ichiwawakaramba!
18:47You ever hear something you don't know, like, which race should be offended, but like...
18:51I don't like it when he says labubu.
18:54President Trump went to the UK, uh, where, among other things, he talked trade with Prime Minister Kiara Starmer.
19:00Question, what issue was at the top of Trump's mind when he was heading into the visit?
19:07Epstein.
19:08Oh, wait.
19:09Okay.
19:10Who did this ballroom, and can they do the one we're building in the United States?
19:14Trump's main concern was which castle he'd be sleeping in.
19:20It's the first time this has ever happened where somebody was honored twice, so it's a great honor.
19:24And this one's at Windsor.
19:26They've never used Windsor Castle for this before.
19:28They use Buckingham Palace.
19:30And I don't want to say one's better than the other, but they say Windsor Castle is the ultimate, right?
19:35So it's going to be nice.
19:36But basically, I'm there also on trade.
19:39This man should be on a trip 100% of the time.
19:41Oh, yeah.
19:42And each country should take its turn.
19:45Trump may have been honored to stay there, but he certainly wasn't honored by Windsor's new art installation.
19:52Anti-Trump possesses project some images on there, and what were they of?
19:56As you can probably see from some of these pictures, Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and Jeffrey Epstein.
20:03One of your goals in life should be to never have your scandals in IMAX on the side of a building.
20:11That's like what the sphere is going to follow up Oz with.
20:15Earlier this week, the president announced a quote.
20:18We have a deal on TikTok.
20:20This is the app he's wanted the U.S. to control since 2020.
20:23Question, who's the key figure at the heart of the TikTok deal?
20:28Is it, um, Larry Ellison?
20:30I don't know.
20:31Why did you say it all sexy?
20:32I...
20:33Oh, my God.
20:34That's a great question.
20:35I don't know.
20:36A key figure at the center of Trump's TikTok deal is his friend and tech CEO, Larry Ellison.
20:40Oh!
20:41Let's see a picture of Larry.
20:42Just...
20:43Ooh.
20:44Oh.
20:45That look like a dude about to slap you across the face with a glove.
20:50For just a few hours last week, Larry Ellison was briefly the richest person in the world,
20:59but by the end of the day, he fell back to number two like the broke bitch he is.
21:03He definitely looks like the only time he laughs is when he's rubbing his hands together.
21:10So, uh, Larry Ellison and his company, Oracle, are teaming up with some private equity firms
21:14to take over an 80% stake in TikTok while China will still own 20%.
21:20Does anyone know why there's an 80-20 split and it just doesn't go 100% to an American?
21:25Did you know?
21:26Because China gets to keep the algorithm and not share it with America,
21:31which is the whole reason TikTok was banned in the first place,
21:34because of China's control over the algorithm, of which they still keep.
21:38The only difference now is Donald Trump's friend has an 80% stake in TikTok.
21:42Okay.
21:43China's cool with it and everybody's rich except us.
21:45Help me understand.
21:46What's the problem with the algorithm?
21:47They suppress certain information and bring other information forward.
21:51So does Twitter.
21:52You saw that.
21:53Yeah, but you see that, like, with the political motives.
21:55So, for instance, during the, you know, the beginning of the Israel-Gaza stuff,
21:59they were heightening a lot of the division there.
22:02And you also see it, try to do a nice TikTok about Taiwan and see where that gets you.
22:08See how that never goes viral.
22:10Viral views.
22:11And that is the Chinese Communist Party and the government playing around in U.S. domestic politics.
22:17Question.
22:18What Trump relative was in the news this week defending a different Donald deal?
22:24Jermaine.
22:27Can you imagine if there was a Jermaine Trump?
22:31There probably is.
22:32He just don't claim it.
22:35The Trump relative, uh, making money this week is, uh, Eric Trump.
22:39Huh.
22:40No, Eric Trump, the, the Nepo Beavis, as I like to call him.
22:43Oh.
22:44Oh.
22:45Uh, fun fact about Eric Trump, uh, his high school nickname was literally Chode.
22:50Yes.
22:52This week, the New York Times laid out a timeline of how an investment firm
22:55backed by the ruling family of the UAE deposited $2 billion into the Trump family's crypto company.
23:02Eric is also the public face of that company, so he went on CNBC this week,
23:06where Jack Kernan didn't shy away from asking tough questions.
23:10Um, this is today, uh, Eric.
23:13Two big deals, and, and, and just, you know, I'm sure you, you hear about this all the time.
23:18You've got, um, you've got a way, uh, obviously, of, uh, of explaining that, I mean, you've thought about this.
23:25When you talk to the president about this, or when Don talks about some of his, uh, investments.
23:30Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...
23:32Somebody got to reboot him!
23:35He sounds as nervous about losing his job as I feel about losing my job right now.
23:42Now, a lot of people are claiming foul play, and they believe Trump has some dealings within the crypto company,
23:47which he shouldn't as a president, but Eric has always been on message that his dad has not run this company.
23:53Question.
23:55What indication do we have that his dad might actually be involved with the company?
24:02Oh, is it just, like, he talks about it all the time, and how much money he's making?
24:07Oh, no, it's deeper than that.
24:08It's this gold statue of Trump holding a Bitcoin that went up outside the Capitol building this week.
24:17First off, that statue looked like they spray painted a Bob's big boy.
24:21Like, wait, wait, wait.
24:23The common thread from the Fed to TikTok to Bitcoin is that Trump is getting paid.
24:29Totally.
24:30The staggering amount of corruption that someday we'll actually read about and care about.
24:35You remember Qatar gave us a $400 million jet that now the government's spending a billion dollars to upgrade?
24:42Oh, by the way, that Donald Trump gets to take with him and use after he's president of the United States?
24:47And, by the way, we still need a new Air Force One, so he's gonna take this little gift with him,
24:52and then what do we do for the next president, who actually needs an Air Force One, which we should be building right now?
24:57You know that's not gonna be a next president.
24:58That's a good point.
24:59That's a good one.
25:00More after the break.
25:01Welcome back.
25:02It's time for Lie Curious.
25:03Here's how it goes.
25:04I give you three biographical details about a public figure, but only one is the truth.
25:21You have to guess which one is true and which are hideous, nasty, funky lies.
25:27Let's get started.
25:28Time for three facts about New York City's Republican nominee for mayor, Curtis Sliwa.
25:34Seen here, wondering if his friends were lying when they said, yeah, you can pull off a beret.
25:40Our facts about Curtis are, he was the world's sour pickle eating champion four years in a row.
25:47Oh, yeah.
25:48His favorite song is Taps.
25:50He claims he invented Double Dutch.
25:53Double Dutch.
25:54Which one is the truth?
25:55Oh, my God.
25:56Did you say what's Double Dutch?
25:58Yeah, I don't know.
25:59Y'all got, we gotta trade.
26:00Is this like a New York thing?
26:01Trade.
26:02Trade.
26:03I want him to be the pickle eating champion.
26:07Yeah, let's do it.
26:08And then I wanna challenge him.
26:09Let's do it.
26:10The beret kind of maybe goes with Taps as his favorite song.
26:15I feel like Taps is such a weird thing.
26:18It's so weird.
26:19And he's so weird?
26:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:21I think that works.
26:22Curtis Sliwa was the world's sour pickle eating champion four years ago.
26:25Oh.
26:26In fact, there's even a photo of Sliwa competing in a pickle eating contest.
26:33Um, yeah, he's the one with the...
26:36Well, you know which one he is.
26:38Oh, so attractive.
26:39According to the Gothamist, he ate 3.8 pounds of pickles.
26:45Oh!
26:46I got that man beat.
26:47Disgusting.
26:48How many pickles do you eat?
26:49For breakfast, I had five.
26:51I'm not kidding.
26:52A breakfast pickle?
26:53Yes!
26:54That's a steak!
26:55They're yummy!
26:56Here's the crazy thing.
26:57Competing in a pickle eating contest is maybe the least weird thing that Curtis Sliwa has done.
27:03The mayoral candidate is also famous for faking something.
27:06Does anyone know what it is that he faked?
27:10Let's say it at the same time.
27:11One, two, three.
27:12Organism!
27:13He's already asked.
27:14I'll give you a hint.
27:17He lied about being a victim of a crime.
27:19What crime?
27:20Oh, did he Juicy Smollett before Juicy Smollett?
27:23Oh, you said Juicy Smollett.
27:25I love that you...
27:26That's a better name.
27:27I love that you said the Dave Chappelle version of his name.
27:29I said the Dave Chappelle version!
27:31Curtis Sliwa lied about his own kidnapping.
27:34Yes!
27:35And was forced to admit it during the John Gotti trial.
27:39What?
27:40Please, please behold this perfect sentence.
27:43Quote, Curtis Sliwa faked his own kidnapping in 1980 and came clean about it when he was
27:50actually kidnapped in 1992.
27:55This guy has to be mayor now.
27:57You know, he's got my vote.
27:59Yeah.
28:00Sour pickle eating champion faked his own kidnapping and then was actually kidnapped?
28:06Yes.
28:07I'm voting for him every day of the week.
28:09Yeah.
28:10Who kidnapped him and why?
28:12That's all the information I have.
28:13Who kidnapped him?
28:14Go home and read up on Raspberry Beret and his kidnapping and get back to me.
28:25Curtis Sliwa was kidnapped and shot by gunmen allegedly hired by John Gotti and barely survived
28:33after jumping out of a moving taxi.
28:36Nice.
28:37This guy should be mayor of New York.
28:38Time for three facts about White House advisor and minion riding from the inside.
28:46Stephen Miller.
28:48Stephen Miller.
28:49Our facts are, he's an avid metal detectorist.
28:52He only eats mayonnaise.
28:55He refuses to wear a seatbelt in the car.
28:58Which one is the truth team?
29:00Michael, I'll start over here.
29:01You want to go with mayonnaise?
29:02I mean, that's where my heart is.
29:03Yeah.
29:04But I picture him also absolutely refusing to wear a seatbelt.
29:08Yes.
29:09Yeah.
29:10Let's go with seatbelt.
29:11That's great because I think he's an avid metal detectorist.
29:14Yes, he looks like one.
29:15Yes.
29:16Absolutely.
29:17Now, the only way he isn't is because they're usually out in the sun and that man has never
29:22seen the sun.
29:23Right, right, right.
29:24Also, mayonnaise doesn't do well in the sun.
29:26No.
29:27Because he's eating mayonnaise no matter what.
29:29Like, all the time.
29:30Yeah.
29:31According to Stephen Miller's wife, Katie, he only eats mayonnaise.
29:35Oh.
29:36Here's Katie Miller in a conversation with J.D. Vance about their favorite condiments.
29:42I had a buddy who used to eat french fries with mayonnaise.
29:44I thought that was disgusting.
29:45That's the only thing my husband eats?
29:46With french fries or, like, period?
29:48Period.
29:49Okay.
29:50Wow.
29:51I didn't realize.
29:52Yeah.
29:53He's only a mayonnaise guy.
29:54It also came out this summer that Donald Trump has a special pet name for Stephen Miller.
29:57Bonus question.
29:58Anybody want to guess Stephen Miller's pet name around the White House?
30:01Yes.
30:02Baby mayo.
30:03Shiny one.
30:04Bald baby.
30:05Little snake that made a wish and then turned into a human.
30:09Just...
30:10Here's Trump biographer Michael Wolff with the answer.
30:14Trump calls him Weird Stephen.
30:16Weird Stephen.
30:17Because he is weird, by the way.
30:19According to a profile this week in Rolling Stone, Stephen Miller was so disliked by his colleagues
30:25that they started a rumor about him.
30:28What was the rumor?
30:29That he's got hair everywhere else?
30:32Book, book, shots fired!
30:35We don't give a fuck over here!
30:38According to the article, Stephen Miller's colleagues claim that he, quote, liked to play
30:44with porcelain dolls.
30:45Oh, that feels so right.
30:46That's so perfect.
30:47Yes.
30:48Porcelain dolls.
30:49That's nice.
30:50I'd like to also personally thank the author of that article because it led to one of the
30:56best headlines in the history of publishing, quote, White House insists Stephen Miller does
31:01not play with dolls.
31:02Yes!
31:03This has been, like, Curious.
31:06More after the break.
31:15Welcome back to Have I Got News For You.
31:18This is the Offend-O-Meter, the index of everyone who's made people mad this week.
31:22Teams have to tell us who's the offender, what they did, and who they offended.
31:28Let's see an offender, please, on the screen.
31:31Oh, my lord!
31:34Somehow that's our FBI director.
31:36Yeah.
31:37That's his resting face, Kash Patel.
31:40Yes, that's FBI Director Kash Patel.
31:42Who did Kash Patel offend?
31:44Well, he had his congressional hearing.
31:46Yes, he did.
31:47And he yelled at everybody, and everybody yelled at him.
31:49He yelled at Cory Booker.
31:50Mm-hmm.
31:51Eric Swalwell.
31:52Indeed.
31:53Yeah, and at Janet.
31:54He yelled at everybody.
31:55Mm-hmm.
31:56He testified in front of the House Judiciary Committee.
31:59Here he is throwing a tantrum in the general direction of Congressman Eric Swalwell.
32:03And all Swalwell did was ask him a simple yes or no question.
32:08Did you ever tell the Attorney General that Donald Trump's name is in the Epstein files?
32:13The Attorney General and I have had numerous discussions about the entirety of the Epstein files
32:17and the reviews conducted by our team.
32:19The question is simple.
32:20The question is simple.
32:21Who can be?
32:22Did you tell the Attorney General that Donald Trump's name is in the Epstein files?
32:26Yes or no?
32:27Why don't you try spelling it out?
32:28Yes or no, Director?
32:29Use the alphabet.
32:30Yes or no?
32:31No?
32:32A, B, C, D, E, F?
32:33Don't want to do it?
32:34It sounds like you don't want to tell us.
32:35Here's a tip.
32:36If you ask somebody a yes or no question, they go, A, B, C, D, E, F?
32:40They don't know the answer.
32:41Can I make a serious point?
32:43Like, the...
32:44I served in Congress 12 years.
32:46We know.
32:47And, uh...
32:49Thank you for your service!
32:55I never could ever imagine a witness of any stature talking back to a Senator
33:03or even House member in my time in Congress.
33:06When the FBI director, not even a cabinet position, comes in and talks down to sitting
33:11members of the House and Senate like that, he has no respect for the separation of powers.
33:15Absolutely the wrong person for that job.
33:18It's offensive.
33:20How do we make sense of this?
33:23It was all a performance for Donald Trump.
33:26And Donald Trump loved it.
33:27That's all he needed to do.
33:28Also, everyone's, like, doing bits for TikTok clips.
33:33Everything is just a clip now, as opposed to, like, getting anything done.
33:38It's wild.
33:39Here's what I don't understand.
33:40You're saying they're doing that for TikTok?
33:42Just for clips?
33:43Uh-uh.
33:47Adam, if Jamie's confirmation here, somebody comes in, sits down, and just ball-faced lies.
33:52Yeah.
33:53Why can't Congress then do something about that?
33:57They can, but they don't, because the Senate now is basically, here's a history lesson,
34:04the end of the Roman Empire.
34:06The Senate basically existed.
34:07Oh, Jesus Christ.
34:09No, but they don't.
34:10All they care about is making Trump happy.
34:12So that's why Bill Cassidy, you know, can say, I'm very concerned about RFK and his stance
34:17on vaccines, but he promised me he wouldn't ban him.
34:19I'm gonna approve him.
34:20And then, all of a sudden, he's doing this, and it's like, well, there's nothing we can do.
34:24Yeah, there is.
34:25If you cut their funding off, you can impeach them if they lie to you.
34:28But they don't.
34:29They should.
34:30They should.
34:32Let's see your offender.
34:33Who's this offender?
34:34That's Ol' Chode.
34:36Yeah.
34:37That's the five-year boy right there.
34:40Who did Ol' Chode offend this week?
34:42Certainly the Lord.
34:44This week, Eric Trump offended none other than Eric Trump.
34:50Oh.
34:51Here he is on Fox & Friends speaking about his family's relationship to Charlie Kirk.
34:55He became, obviously, dear friends of Don's.
34:57He became, you know, that's right, probably a second son to my father.
35:03Let's play that again.
35:05He became, you know, that's right, probably a second son to my father.
35:08Now, understand what he's trying to say.
35:09Wow.
35:10He's trying to say that Charlie Kirk is like a son to his father, and that's how much
35:13in their relationship.
35:14Okay, fine, cool.
35:15But Donald Trump already has a second son.
35:18He's got a third son.
35:19In fact, he's got three of them, yeah.
35:20But do you know who his second son is?
35:21Well, Eric Trump.
35:22He's this Chode!
35:23He's trying to say, like a son, but he said, like a second son is like, you demoting yourself.
35:33That's so much sadder than anything I have ever said on this show.
35:36Oh, I can top it.
35:38Roll the clip.
35:39I had an older Jamaican guy, probably 75 years old, in very broken English, come up to
35:43me yesterday, and he goes, you know, Mr. Trump, I'm so sorry to hear about Charlie.
35:46He goes, I was, I am Charlie Kirk.
35:49I knew he was lying when he said somebody came up to him.
35:52So, wait, he said a Jamaican guy came up to him in broken English?
35:57Do the accent.
36:00Adam!
36:02Who am I, Chet Hanks?
36:04Absolutely.
36:05You can do the accent.
36:06I can't do the accent.
36:07Oh, no, man.
36:08We never do nothing but respect to me Jamaican brethren.
36:14That was Offender Meter.
36:19Welcome back.
36:22It's time for Missing Words.
36:26Here's your headline.
36:27Blank Rocked by Cheating Scandal.
36:30Spelling Bee.
36:31Chess.
36:32Scrabble.
36:33Spelling Bee.
36:34Scrabble.
36:35Curling.
36:36Competitive Scrabble.
36:37Competitive Chess.
36:38Competitive Spelling Bee.
36:39Competitive Style.
36:40Stop.
36:41You're all wrong.
36:42Double Dutch.
36:43Stone Skimming Championship Rocked by Cheating Scandal.
36:47How?
36:48Apparently, skipping stones across bodies of water is a very serious sport in Scotland.
36:53Mm-hmm.
36:54You know, you take them flat stones, and you stick them up, up, up, up.
36:55Uh-huh.
36:56But in the world of stone skimming, the championships in Easdale, it was discovered that some of the
37:08had been deploying stones that had their rough edges filed off.
37:12Son of a bitch.
37:13Give it a little bit more aerodynamic skippity-skip.
37:16It's like the stone was doing steroids.
37:18Oh.
37:19Yeah.
37:20Now, it's a very difficult story to follow because it's a sport we're not familiar with here in the state.
37:27So, since we're a little confused about what's going on, here's a local who explains it perfect for us.
37:33The championships are held on Easdale Island in a flooded slate quarry.
37:36Easdale is one of the slate islands which earned her name, as you might have guessed, due to the slate that they used to quarry there.
37:41Easdale has no cars and is only accessible via boats.
37:44Before long, it was my turn to stone on the skim of destiny.
37:47I started very strong before quickly feeling miserably with my two other stones.
37:50Knowing I had any one, I drowned my sorrows in the puffer caffeine.
37:54Couldn't have said it better myself.
37:57Perfect.
37:58Uh, here's your headline.
38:00Australia approves world's first blank for koalas.
38:05Jail.
38:07That'd be cool.
38:08Yeah.
38:09Yo, koalas are kind of assholes.
38:10Mm-hmm.
38:11I'm gonna go the other way because I believe in the innate goodness of all creatures.
38:17Australia approves world's first public school for koalas.
38:21Let's get them out of that jail pipeline.
38:24Let's get them into school, give them some programs, maybe some after-school basketball.
38:29I think this could work out great for koalas.
38:31They just need somebody to believe in them.
38:33Yes.
38:34Right, right.
38:35I was gonna say, because they are known to be jerks, that it would be like Australia approves world's first, like, anger management program for koalas.
38:45Hmm.
38:46Australia approves world's first chlamydia vaccine for koalas.
38:51Yay!
38:52Nice.
38:53Definitely wasn't going that way.
38:54It is a huge problem.
38:55Apparently, in Australia, those koalas are up there road-dogging in the leaves.
39:00Apparently, koalas are, quote, at risk for infertility and death due to widespread chlamydia infections.
39:10Oh.
39:11Yes.
39:12Australia known for all the STDs.
39:13You got the koala, chlamydia, you got kangaria.
39:17And, of course, you have good dates.
39:21Oh!
39:22Oh!
39:23Oh!
39:24Oh!
39:25Oh!
39:26Oh!
39:27Oh!
39:28Oh, my God!
39:29That's the funniest one yet.
39:31Today?
39:32No.
39:33No.
39:34Be nice.
39:35That's missing words.
39:36More after the break.
39:44Welcome back.
39:45It's time for Witch's Hire.
39:46I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news.
39:49You tell me, which is higher?
39:52One of the year's most talked-about movies was Amazon Prime's War of the Worlds, starring Ice Cube.
39:58Roger Ebert.com described it as, quote,
40:02Ew.
40:04Which brings us to the question, which is higher?
40:07The number of days it took to film Amazon's War of the Worlds or the Rotten Tomatoes score?
40:16Ooh.
40:17Ooh.
40:18In my experience, shooting a major feature film can often take three, four months.
40:22No, but this movie was pretty much all Zoom and FaceTime.
40:25Is that true?
40:26Yeah, Ice Cube was at a computer the whole movie.
40:28What?
40:29This shit took nine days to film.
40:33The Rotten Tomatoes score?
40:34That was 11.
40:3611.
40:37The answer.
40:38According to producers, the number of days it took to film War of the Worlds was 15 days.
40:43Okay.
40:44What?
40:45And the current Rotten Tomatoes score for 2025's War of the Worlds is 4%.
40:50Wow.
40:51Wow.
40:52Wow.
40:53Wow.
40:54It was filmed in 15 days during the pandemic, and it all takes place, you know, on Ice Cube's
40:59computer screens, calling, talking to people, which means most of the movie scenes is basically
41:04this.
41:05Dave, get out of there now!
41:06Dave!
41:07It's on!
41:08No!
41:09No!
41:10And then Ice Cube looked in the camera and said, today was a bad day.
41:19That was Witch's Hire.
41:21I want to thank our guests, former representative Adam Kinzinger and Mageem Persat.
41:25And, of course, thank you to our team captains, Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black.
41:32Before we sign off, here are a few more stories we're watching.
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