- 4 months ago
Have I Got News For You US S03E03 (2025)
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00:00.
00:21Come on TV!
00:22Trophy!
00:25TV!
00:26Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:31I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:32In the news this week...
00:35Stephen Miller and Marco Rubio
00:37await Trump's return from Great Britain.
00:43Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 6 premieres.
00:47On Emberstein tonight,
00:54he's a former Republican congressman from Illinois,
00:56but now he lives on a farm upstate
00:58where he frolics with all the other retired politicians,
01:01or at least that's what my parents told me.
01:03It's Adam Kissinger!
01:06And joining Michael,
01:11she's a comedian, actress, and host of the podcast
01:14Fake the Nation, which is the kind of podcast
01:17that people actually listen to,
01:19not the one that your weird neighbor makes in the basement.
01:21It's Nageen Farsad!
01:27Now, for the biggest stories of the week,
01:29Adam, Ember...
01:31Hi.
01:32...I will show you video clips,
01:33and you tell me, what is the story?
01:37Simple.
01:38Bald man.
01:39This little lady is pointing because she's mad at the FCC!
01:41Yeah.
01:42And you got Jimmy Kimmel.
01:43Jimmy Kimmel.
01:44This is about Jimmy Kimmel getting snatched off the air.
01:49Oh, yeah, points.
01:50You already know what the hell it was.
01:51Jimmy Kimmel!
01:52The story is Jimmy Kimmel Free Speech Cancel Culture,
01:55and if you want to talk about what's going on,
01:57but you also want to keep your job,
01:59here's some advice.
02:00Shut up!
02:01Shut the fuck!
02:02You're all right to take...
02:03Shut up!
02:04Will you?
02:05Shut up!
02:06Shut up!
02:07Shut up!
02:08Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut up!
02:09Does anyone know why ABC decided to shelve
02:13Jimmy Kimmel's show indefinitely?
02:16Because they're cowards?
02:17Hang on.
02:18Oh, my God, this is the FCC.
02:19Hang on.
02:22Uh-oh.
02:23Understood.
02:24Uh, new question.
02:28Why did awful liberal Jimmy Kimmel
02:30get what he deserved?
02:32Uh, what was it that Kimmel supposedly did
02:35that got him in trouble?
02:36Ultimately, what happened is Donald Trump got his feelings hurt,
02:40and when he gets his feelings hurt,
02:42he now uses the government to get his way.
02:44His FCC commissioner made it clear
02:46that he's gonna do his bidding,
02:48and all the other late-night hosts are next,
02:51according to them.
02:52Adam.
02:53No.
02:54We're trying to stay on the air over here.
02:58Let's just look at the-the thing
02:59that offensive, disrespectful liberal
03:02Jimmy Kimmel did.
03:07Yeah.
03:08Let's look at the offensive thing Kimmel said.
03:10You gotta be locked up in jail.
03:11That's the way it has to be now.
03:13Or, uh, involuntary lethal injection.
03:15Yeah.
03:16Or something.
03:17Just kill him.
03:18Not bad. Not bad.
03:19That was the wrong clip.
03:20That was Brian Kill Me talking about killing homeless people.
03:23And he's still employed.
03:24Yeah, yeah.
03:25Can we play the actual Kimmel clip?
03:27Play the actual Kimmel clip.
03:28We hit some new lows over the weekend
03:30with the MAGA gang desperately trying
03:32to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk
03:35as anything other than one of them
03:37and doing everything they can
03:38to score political points from it.
03:40Was that clip offensive?
03:43And remember, no matter how you answer,
03:45you will be fired.
03:46You will be fired.
03:51Things escalated quickly from there.
03:52Uh, let's go through the timeline
03:53of what went down, um, over the week on Wednesday.
03:56Uh, does anyone know what happened earlier in the day
03:59on Wednesday before the Kimmel suspension
04:02came down the pipeline?
04:04A podcast?
04:05Brendan Carr was on and he kind of did a little
04:07be ashamed if something happened
04:09to your little nightly show there
04:10or your little network if, uh...
04:12And so, yeah, he basically was implying,
04:14gosh, ABC better take care of this
04:17because I'd hate to use the power of the government
04:19against them.
04:20Points for Team Amber.
04:21Uh, hours before Kimmel's show was put on pause,
04:23FCC Chairman Brendan Carr was on a right-wing podcast
04:28and had this to say.
04:29I think that it's, it's, it's really sort of past time
04:31that a lot of these licensed broadcasters themselves
04:34push back on Comcast and Disney and say,
04:37listen, we are going to preempt,
04:38we are not gonna run Kimmel anymore
04:41until you straighten this out.
04:43I mean, look, we can do this the easy way
04:45or the hard way.
04:46Is this the easy way?
04:47He's saying, if you don't straighten,
04:50straighten this out, and it's unclear what this is
04:53that he's referring to.
04:54Yeah.
04:55The government will violate your First Amendment
04:58and pull you off the air.
04:59Uh, he didn't say it in those words
05:01because that would be unconstitutional,
05:03but that's what happened and that's the result.
05:06The FCC's in the licensing business
05:08because you don't want two shows on the same spectrum
05:10in the same town.
05:11It's not about content control
05:13and it's not about taking away your First Amendment right.
05:16Right after Carr said that, uh, Nexstar,
05:18a company that owns a lot of the ABC affiliate stations,
05:21said that they were preempting Jimmy Kimmel Live immediately
05:25because of his comments on Charlie Kirk
05:28and that, quote,
05:29continuing to give Mr. Kimmel a broadcast platform
05:32in the communities we serve
05:34is simply not in the public interest at the current time.
05:37At which Carr, from the podcast earlier,
05:40then tweeted,
05:41I want to thank Nexstar for doing the right thing.
05:45Jeez, even the Sopranos are more subtle
05:47when they, like, drive people.
05:49There was one free speech warrior
05:51in the midst of all of this
05:52who stood up for Kimmel by tweeting this online.
05:55They said, quote,
06:08Are you trying to trick us?
06:09Is it someone who's really bad?
06:11You'd think it would be somebody
06:13who hadn't yanked Jimmy Kimmel off the air.
06:18But, in fact, it's Brendan Carr.
06:22Points, points, points over there. Yes!
06:24FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, back in 2022, said that.
06:29Now, look, guys, I'm starting to feel like
06:30there's some hypocrisy going on.
06:32But has someone shown him this tweet?
06:35Maybe this whole thing is just a giant misunderstanding.
06:38I know Brendan Carr.
06:41I served on the committee that oversaw the FCC,
06:43so I knew him in his time there.
06:45And I will say this about him.
06:46He really, really wants to be liked and popular.
06:49And I think he found his way to do it
06:50in a certain community.
06:51Ever since you left politics,
06:53you talk mad shit, and I like that.
06:57I'm out of prison. It's great.
06:59You're about to be back in, though.
07:00I know. It feels like that.
07:02What's Ted Cruz like?
07:03You worked as a Republican
07:07in his White House.
07:08Is there a way to be liked as a Republican
07:10without dirty knees?
07:16Hey, I'll say this.
07:17Look, one of my good friends was John McCain,
07:21and people got to like him because they knew...
07:24People want to know that when you're doing something,
07:26you're doing it because you actually really believe it.
07:28I think people respect that.
07:30What they don't respect is how the Republican Party
07:33has gone from a party that believed in X,
07:35and now, however many years later,
07:37the exact opposite of that.
07:39For example, constantly suing people all the time,
07:42and the Republican Party used to be
07:44against frivolous lawsuits.
07:45So how did ABC react to the news
07:49that a major affiliate group was going to be preempting
07:52one of their more popular programs?
07:55They got together and said,
07:56yeah, we're not going to say your douche shit.
08:00According to Rolling Stone, ABC Disney and affiliates
08:03held emergency meetings, and multiple execs felt
08:06that Kimmel had not actually said anything over the line.
08:11But the threat of Trump retaliation loomed,
08:14or as one ABC insider put it,
08:17they were pissing themselves all day.
08:20Yeah.
08:21Honestly, I would watch that show.
08:24Now, ultimately, ABC did decide to pull Kimmel's show.
08:28Does anyone know how Brendan Carr responded
08:32when CNN Brian Seltzer reached out for comment afterwards?
08:36It was a celebratory response,
08:39not a professional response you would expect
08:41from an FCC chairman.
08:43Seltzer from CNN said on the next quote,
08:45I asked FCC chairman Brendan Carr if he had any new comment
08:49now that ABC has pulled Jimmy Kimmel's show,
08:51and he sent me this gif.
08:54So I don't understand why he would use that graphic
08:57to celebrate an ABC show being taken off the air.
09:00The Office is an NBC show.
09:03If he wanted to respond with an ABC show,
09:05this is what he should have said.
09:07Then I do my...
09:13Sinclair Broadcaster Group also voiced their displeasure.
09:17What did Sinclair ask for from Kimmel
09:20if he wants to be back on their airwaves?
09:23He had to apologize and donate money to TPUSA.
09:29A political organization of which Jimmy Kimmel...
09:32Well, we should be clear.
09:33It's Charlie Kirk's political organization.
09:35It's not just some random organization.
09:38Good. It's for you.
09:45Understood.
09:46I'm sorry.
09:51Sinclair issued a statement on Wednesday saying, quote,
09:55suspension is not enough, and calling on Kimmel
09:58to issue a direct apology to the Kirk family.
10:01Furthermore, we asked Mr. Kimmel to make a meaningful
10:04personal donation to the Kirk family
10:06and Turning Point USA Charlie Kirk's conservative advocacy group.
10:11They also want Jimmy Kimmel to bring back mean tweets
10:14because that was a good bit.
10:16Here's the president in England on Thursday.
10:19Jimmy Kimmel is not a talented person.
10:21He had very bad ratings, and they should have fired him
10:23a long time ago.
10:24So, you know, you can call that free speech or not.
10:27He was fired for lack of talent.
10:29Can I ask... Can I ask a question?
10:31Why is it, ladies, that you can put foundation
10:35so much on your face and completely not blend it in
10:39to everything here and back?
10:41Isn't there a way to at least do some kind of a transition
10:45so that it doesn't look like...
10:47I keep looking at that, I'm like, is nobody telling him?
10:50Like, doesn't he care?
10:52Adam, you know, what we should do
10:54is send him some TikTok tutorials,
10:56because that's what...
10:57I love them!
10:58Yeah, right?
10:59And I think he could really...
11:00He could have a smoky eye by Thursday.
11:02By the time he fires Roy Wood from his job.
11:05Yay!
11:06Either the president think I'm Kenan Thompson.
11:09He don't know who I am.
11:12I'm safe, baby.
11:14So the president says that Jimmy Kimmel has no talent,
11:17and to be fair to President Trump,
11:19if anybody knows talent, that's a man who knows talent.
11:23Green Acres is the place to be
11:26Fond living is the life for me.
11:30Land spreading out so far and wide.
11:34Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.
11:37That's how you connect with rural voters right there.
11:39You get on TV with a pitchfork.
11:41And in case there was any confusion to the Kimmel thing,
11:44the president added even more clarity to the situation
11:46a little later on.
11:47All they do is send Trump.
11:48They're not allowed to do that.
11:49They're an arm of the Democrat Party.
11:50Do you all think that's true?
11:51Do you all think late-night shows
11:52only create a place for liberal dialogue?
11:54Amber, you be over there with Seth Meyers sometimes?
11:56Is 30 Rock just a big-ass liberal building?
11:57Yeah.
11:58Now, look, I'm just an acting school dropout
12:01and a former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
12:03Mm.
12:04Okay.
12:05But it seems to me that's exactly what the First Amendment
12:09says you can do.
12:10You can say whatever you want.
12:12You can argue this 15 years ago,
12:13that maybe conservatives didn't have enough voice
12:14on the media.
12:15Are you kidding me?
12:16You look at a certain 24-hour news channel,
12:19you look at all these podcasts,
12:20you look at usually...
12:21The conservatives said this is one thing
12:22that everyone likes to be in business in these places.
12:25Is that what the question would liberate Savoy hic 1920s is behind
12:26theoa is on TV in?
12:27It's just working.
12:28Now, look...
12:29I'm just a acting school dropout
12:31and a former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
12:32Ooh.
12:33Good, but it seems to me...
12:36That's exactly what the First Amendment says you can do.
12:37You can say whatever you want.
12:39You can argue this 15 years ago
12:40that maybe conservatives didn't have enough voice
12:41on the media.
12:42Conservatives have as much of a voice as anybody has ever had at any point in history,
12:46but they feed on this idea that they're always oppressed.
12:49And there is nobody that's better at being a victim than the president himself.
12:54The most powerful man in the world is a victim of everything and everybody.
13:00And it's exhausting.
13:02Well, if you went bald and had to get a hair transplant, you might be upset too.
13:07So far, the president has targeted CBS, The Wall Street Journal, ABC, and The New York Times.
13:15Question to the panel, do you think this is all part of an overall strategy?
13:20Yeah!
13:21No, duh, Roy, no, duh.
13:23You think that just because he's filed a bunch of lawsuits trying to silence media organizations
13:28and police who they have on the air based on their opinion, that there's an overall strategy to suppress the media?
13:33Well, this is the point, is all of this is about intimidation.
13:38Not a single one of the lawsuits that Donald Trump would ever bring would ever win.
13:43But you intimidate, you threaten corporations, and it's the same with individuals when he threatens jail with individuals
13:49or he threatens an investigation.
13:51Now they have to defend themselves against spurious charges, and that in and of itself is the intimidation.
13:57As a comedian who's gotten, like, very many death threats and stuff like that, I would say, go back to that.
14:05I mean, like, you know what I mean?
14:07Like, instead of carting people off and firing them and whatever, go back to the garden variety, like, digital hate mail.
14:15Well, at least you know people are thinking about you.
14:17In many ways, it's flattering.
14:24What conservative came out on Friday to voice their concerns about the Kimmel situation?
14:31It was one Theodore Raphael Cruz of Texas.
14:37Uh, yes, it was Texas senator and vacation enthusiast during snowstorms.
14:40Ted Cruz, on his podcast verdict, Ted Cruz had this to say about Brendan Carr's threats towards Jimmy Kimmel.
14:50No, no, no, no, no.
14:55Look, look, I like Brendan Carr.
14:56He's a good guy.
14:57He's the chairman of the FCC.
14:58I work closely with him.
15:00But what he said there is dangerous as hell.
15:04You gotta hand it to Ted Cruz right there.
15:06No, you gotta take it right back immediately, because it's Ted Cruz.
15:08But you gotta hand it to Ted Cruz and that one.
15:12That's one of them retweets.
15:13You're like, ah!
15:15These are just the latest skirmishes in the battle over free speech, and that conversation has been at the forefront, of course, since, uh, Charlie Kirk's assassination.
15:23But the reason why Nextstar might be kissing up to the FCC is because Nextstar is trying to get approval for a big merger.
15:30It's $6.2 billion proposed acquisition of Tegna would create a mega company that would reach 80% of television households in the United States.
15:42Follow-up question.
15:43Have I ever heard of Tegna?
15:45No.
15:46I've never heard of Nextstar.
15:47I've never heard of Tegna.
15:48How are these, like, the most important companies in the country?
15:51I've never heard of them.
15:52Because the country is run by silent corporations who live in the shadows and don't want you to know that they're there and actually influencing all of the laws and making everything terrible.
16:02I'm sorry.
16:08I'm the host.
16:08I'm not supposed to have an opinion.
16:11Does anyone watch TV at home anymore?
16:16Like, maybe the silver lining is TV's dying anyway?
16:20I'm sorry.
16:21Are you on TV right now?
16:22I didn't mean, I, it's not dying.
16:26You're doing the right thing.
16:28Stay seated.
16:29More have I got news.
16:30It's coming right out.
16:32I just think if the FCC allows that to go through, man, then we can just say the FCC stands for fucking clown car.
16:43Uh-oh.
16:44Oh, shit.
16:46Hang on.
16:48Brendan Carr.
16:49Hey, what's, hey.
16:50Okay.
16:51Yes.
16:53Apparently, FCC stands for fine, cool, and collected.
16:59Laugh!
17:00Fucking laugh.
17:02The thing that's, I think, is tough is right now, you know, all of media is going through this kind of massive reconfiguration, all these consolidations, everything else.
17:12And right now, if, for that, this is the absolute wrong administration to have at this specific time in media.
17:20Because it's not even about, will they allow monopolies or will they not, it's about, are they going to profit?
17:27There is so much, you know, hands in the pot that are getting paid out of some of this stuff.
17:32And so, for them to just threaten them is absolutely unreal, and it's frightening, because we're going to end up coming out of this administration with the damage that's being done anyway.
17:40But on top of that, these mega, mega companies that will be tough to compete against.
17:45And, despite everything, hate speech is still allowed in this country, or as one person eloquently put it...
17:51You should be allowed to say outrageous things.
17:54You should be allowed to say contrarian things.
17:57Welcome back to Have I Got News For You.
18:07Michael and Nguyen, watch the clip.
18:10Tell me, what is the story?
18:12So, that's the president and a guy who's not going to have his job.
18:16Oh, a Bitcoin.
18:17Okay, I know what that is.
18:18So, crypto.
18:18Oh, a nice hand, a firm one.
18:20It's two white people, very good.
18:22And money.
18:23This could be about literally anything.
18:25Yes, this is every story.
18:28It's like every day.
18:28The story is, the president went to England, came home, and got paid every step of the way.
18:35In other words, Trump is kind of acting like this.
18:38Hey, Mr. Wonderful here.
18:39First of all, thank you, Coco Bear, because I have a labubu.
18:42Oh, my labubu has glasses, too.
18:46Ichiwabakaramba!
18:48You ever hear something you don't know, like, which race should be offended, but, like...
18:51I don't like it when he says labubu.
18:54President Trump went to the UK, where, among other things, he talked trade with Prime Minister
18:59Keir Starmer.
19:00Question, what issue was at the top of Trump's mind when he was heading into the visit?
19:07Epstein.
19:08Oh, wait.
19:08Okay.
19:09Who did this ballroom, and can they do the one we're building in the United States?
19:14Trump's main concern was which castle he'd be sleeping in.
19:19It's the first time this has ever happened, where somebody was honored twice, so it's
19:23a great honor.
19:24And this one's at Windsor.
19:26They've never used Windsor Castle for this before.
19:28They use Buckingham Palace, and I don't want to say one's better than the other, but they
19:33say Windsor Castle is the ultimate, right?
19:35So it's going to be nice.
19:36But basically, I'm there also on trade.
19:39This man should be on a trip 100% of the time.
19:41Oh, yeah.
19:42And each country should take its turn.
19:46Trump may have been honored to stay there, but he certainly wasn't honored by Windsor's
19:50new art installation.
19:52Anti-Trump possesses project some images on there, and what were they of?
19:56As you can probably see from some of these pictures, Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein, Prince
20:01Andrew, and Jeffrey Epstein.
20:03One of your goals in life should be to never have your scandals in IMAX on the side of a
20:10of a building.
20:12That's like what the sphere is going to follow up Oz with.
20:15Earlier this week, the president announced a quote.
20:18We have a deal on TikTok.
20:20This is the app he's wanted the U.S. to control since 2020.
20:23Question, who's the key figure at the heart of the TikTok deal?
20:28Is it Larry Ellison?
20:30Why did you say it all sexy?
20:33Oh, my God.
20:33That's a great question.
20:35I don't know.
20:36A key figure at the center of Trump's TikTok deal is his friend and tech CEO,
20:39Larry Ellison.
20:43Let's see a picture of Larry.
20:44Just, ooh.
20:48Oh, that looked like a dude about to slap you across the face with a glove.
20:53For just a few hours last week, Larry Ellison was briefly the richest person in the world,
20:59but by the end of the day, he fell back to number two like the broke bitch he is.
21:03He definitely looks like the only time he laughs is when he's rubbing his hands together.
21:09So, uh, Larry Ellison and his company Oracle are teaming up with some private equity firms
21:14to take over an 80% stake in TikTok while China will still own 20%.
21:20Does anyone know why there's an 80-20 split and it just doesn't go 100% to an American?
21:26Because China gets to keep the algorithm and not share it with America,
21:32which is the whole reason TikTok was banned in the first place,
21:34because of China's control over the algorithm, of which they still keep.
21:38The only difference now is Donald Trump's friend has an 80% stake in TikTok.
21:42China's cool with it and everybody's rich except us.
21:45Help me understand, what's the problem with the algorithm?
21:47They suppress certain information and bring other information forward.
21:51So it is Twitter.
21:53Yeah, but you see that, like, with the political motive.
21:55So, for instance, during the, you know, the beginning of the Israel-Gaza stuff,
21:59they were heightening a lot of the division there.
22:01And you also see it, try to do a nice TikTok about, uh, Taiwan and see where that gets you.
22:08See how that never goes viral.
22:10And that is the Chinese Communist Party and the government playing around in U.S. domestic politics.
22:17Question.
22:18What Trump relative was in the news this week defending a different Donald deal?
22:24Jermaine.
22:26Can you imagine if there was a Jermaine Trump?
22:29There probably is.
22:32He just don't claim it.
22:34The Trump relative, uh, making money this week is, uh, Eric Trump.
22:39Huh.
22:39No, Eric Trump, the, the Nepo Beavis, as I like to call him.
22:43Oh.
22:44Uh, fun fact about Eric Trump, uh, his high school nickname was literally Chode.
22:50Yes.
22:51This week, the New York Times laid out a timeline of how an investment firm backed by the ruling
22:56family of the UAE deposited $2 billion into the Trump family's crypto company.
23:02Eric is also the public face of that company.
23:04So he went on CNBC this week where Jack Kernan didn't shy away from asking tough questions.
23:10Yeah.
23:11Um, this is today, uh, Eric.
23:13Two big deals.
23:15And, and, and just, you know, I'm sure you, you hear about this all the time.
23:18You've got, um, you've got a way, uh, obviously of, uh, of explaining that, I mean, you've thought
23:25about that when you talk to the president about this or when Don talks about some of
23:29his, uh, investments or, or.
23:33Somebody got to reboot him.
23:34He sounds as nervous about losing his job as I feel about losing my job right now.
23:42Now, a lot of people are claiming foul play and they believe Trump has some dealings within
23:46the crypto company, which he shouldn't as a president.
23:49But Eric has always been on message that his dad has not run this company.
23:54Question.
23:55What indication do we have that his dad might actually be involved with the company?
24:02Oh, is it just like he talks about it all the time and how much money he's making?
24:07Oh, no, it's deeper than that.
24:08It's this gold statue of Trump holding a Bitcoin that went up outside the Capitol building this
24:17week.
24:17First off, that statue looked like they spray painted a Bob's big boy.
24:21Like, wait, wait, wait.
24:23The common thread from the Fed to TikTok to Bitcoin is that Trump is getting paid.
24:29Totally.
24:30The staggering amount of corruption that someday we'll actually read about and care about.
24:35You remember Qatar gave us a $400 million jet that now the government's spending a billion
24:41dollars to upgrade?
24:42Oh, by the way, that Donald Trump gets to take with him and use after he's president of
24:46the United States?
24:47And by the way, we still need a new Air Force One, so he's going to take this little gift
24:51with him.
24:52And then what do we do for the next president, who actually needs an Air Force One, which
24:56should be building right now?
24:57You know that's not going to be your next president.
24:58That's a good point.
25:00That's a good one.
25:01More after the break.
25:01Welcome back.
25:14It's time for Life Curious.
25:16Here's how it goes.
25:17I give you three biographical details about a public figure, but only one is the truth.
25:21You have to guess which one is true and which are hideous, nasty, funky lies.
25:27Let's get started.
25:28Time for three facts about New York City's Republican nominee for mayor, Curtis Sliwa.
25:33Seen here, wondering if his friends were lying when they said, yeah, you can pull off a beret.
25:39Facts about Curtis are, he was the world's sour pickle eating champion four years in a row.
25:47His favorite song is Taps.
25:50He claims he invented Double Dutch.
25:53Which one is the truth?
25:55Oh my God.
25:56Did you say what's Double Dutch?
25:58Yeah, I don't know.
25:59Y'all got, we got to trade.
26:00Is this like a New York thing?
26:02Trade.
26:02Oh, I don't think.
26:04I want him to be the pickle eating champion.
26:07And then I want to challenge him.
26:09Let's do it.
26:10The beret kind of maybe goes with Taps as his favorite song.
26:15I feel like Taps is such a weird thing.
26:18It's so weird.
26:19And he's so weird?
26:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:21I think that works.
26:22Curtis Sliwa was the world's sour pickle eating champion four years in a row.
26:27In fact, there's even a photo of Sliwa competing in a pickle eating contest.
26:33Um, yeah, he's the one with the...
26:36Well, you know which one he is.
26:38Oh, so attractive.
26:39According to the gothiness, he ate 3.8 pounds of pickles.
26:45Oh, that's disgusting.
26:46I got that man beat.
26:47How many pickles do you eat?
26:49For breakfast, I had five.
26:51I'm not kidding.
26:52A breakfast pickle?
26:53Yes!
26:53That's a thing.
26:54They're yummy!
26:56Here's the crazy thing.
26:57Competing in a pickle eating contest is maybe the least weird thing that Curtis Sliwa has
27:02done.
27:03The mayoral candidate is also famous for faking something.
27:06Does anyone know what it is that he faked?
27:10Let's say it at the same time.
27:11One, two, three.
27:13Organism!
27:16I'll give you a hint.
27:18He lied about being a victim of a crime.
27:19What crime?
27:20Oh, did he Juicy Smollett before Juicy Smollett?
27:23Oh, you said Juicy Smollett.
27:25I love that you...
27:25That's a better name.
27:26Yeah, I love that you said the Dave Chappelle version of his name.
27:29Curtis Sliwa lied about his own kidnapping and was forced to admit it during the John Gotti
27:39trial.
27:39Please, please behold this perfect sentence.
27:43Quote, Curtis Sliwa faked his own kidnapping in 1980 and came clean about it when he was
27:49actually kidnapped in 1992.
27:53This guy has to be mayor now.
27:57You know, he's got my vote.
27:59Yeah.
27:59Sour pickle eating champion faked his own kidnapping and then was actually kidnapped?
28:06Yes.
28:06I'm voting for him every day of the week.
28:08Yeah.
28:09Who kidnapped him and why?
28:12That's all the information I have.
28:15Who kidnapped him?
28:16Go home and read up on Raspberry Beret and his kidnapping and get back to me.
28:25Curtis Sliwa was kidnapped and shot by gunmen allegedly hired by John Gotti and barely survived
28:33after jumping out of a moving taxi.
28:36This guy should be mayor of New York.
28:38Time for three facts about White House advisor and minion riding from the inside, Stephen
28:47Miller.
28:48Our facts are, he's an avid metal detectorist.
28:52He only eats mayonnaise.
28:55He refuses to wear a seatbelt in the car.
28:58Which one is the truth team?
29:00Michael, I'll start over here.
29:01You want to go with mayonnaise?
29:02I mean, that's where my heart is.
29:04But I picture him also absolutely refusing to wear a seatbelt.
29:08Yes.
29:09Yeah.
29:10Let's go with seatbelt.
29:11That's great because I think he's an avid metal detectorist.
29:13Yes, he looks like one.
29:15Yes.
29:15Absolutely.
29:16Now, the only way he isn't is because they're usually out in the sun and that man has never
29:22seen the sun.
29:23Right, right, right.
29:24Also, mayonnaise doesn't do well in the sun.
29:27No.
29:27Because he's eating mayonnaise no matter what.
29:29Like, all the time.
29:30Yeah.
29:30According to Stephen Miller's wife, Katie, he only eats mayonnaise.
29:35Oh.
29:36Here's Katie Miller in a conversation with J.D. Vance about their favorite condiments.
29:42I had a buddy who used to eat french fries with mayonnaise.
29:43I thought that was disgusting.
29:44That's the only thing my husband eats?
29:46With french fries or, like, period?
29:48Period.
29:48Okay.
29:49Wow.
29:49I didn't realize.
29:50Yeah, he's only a mayonnaise guy.
29:51It also came out this summer that Donald Trump has a special pet name for Stephen Miller.
29:56The bonus question, anybody want to guess Stephen Miller's pet name around the White House?
30:01Yes.
30:01Baby mayo.
30:03Shiny one.
30:04Bald baby.
30:05Snake that made a wish and then turned into a human.
30:11Here's Trump biographer Michael Wolff with the answer.
30:14Trump calls him Weird Stephen.
30:16Weird Stephen.
30:17Because he is weird, by the way.
30:20According to a profile this week in Rolling Stone, Stephen Miller was so disliked by his colleagues
30:25that they started a rumor about him.
30:28What was the rumor?
30:29That he's got hair everywhere else.
30:33Book, book, shots fired.
30:35We don't give a fuck over here.
30:38According to the article, Stephen Miller's colleagues claimed that he, quote,
30:43liked to play with porcelain dolls.
30:45Oh, that feels so right.
30:48That's so perfect.
30:48Yes.
30:49Porcelain dolls.
30:50That's nice.
30:51I'd like to also personally thank the author of that article because it led to one of the
30:56best headlines in the history of publishing, quote,
30:59White House insists Stephen Miller does not play with dolls.
31:02Yes!
31:05This has been Live Curious.
31:07More after the break.
31:15Welcome back to Have I Got News for You.
31:17This is the Offend-O-Meter, the index of everyone who's made people mad this week.
31:22Teams have to tell us who's the offender, what they did, and who they offended.
31:28Let's see an offender, please, on the screen.
31:31Oh, my Lord.
31:32Somehow that's our FBI director.
31:36Yeah, that's his resting face, Kash Patel.
31:39Yes, that's FBI Director Kash Patel.
31:42Who did Kash Patel offend?
31:44Well, he had his congressional hearing.
31:46Yes, he did.
31:46And he yelled at everybody, and everybody yelled at him.
31:49He yelled at Cory Booker.
31:50Mm-hmm.
31:51Eric Swalwell.
31:52Indeed.
31:53Yeah, and at Janet.
31:53He yelled at everybody.
31:54Mm-hmm.
31:55On Wednesday, he testified in front of the House Judiciary Committee.
31:59Here he is throwing a tantrum in the general direction of Congressman Eric Swalwell, and
32:04all Swalwell did was ask him a simple yes or no question.
32:08Did you ever tell the attorney general that Donald Trump's name is in the Epstein files?
32:13The attorney general and I have had numerous discussions about the entirety of the Epstein
32:17files and the reviews conducted by our team.
32:19The question is simple.
32:20Who did you tell the attorney general that Donald Trump's name is in the Epstein files?
32:27Yes or no?
32:27Why don't you try spelling it out?
32:28Yes or no, Director.
32:30Use the alphabet.
32:30Yes or no?
32:31No?
32:32A, B, C, D, E, F?
32:33Director, it sounds like you don't want to tell us.
32:35Here's a tip.
32:36If you ask somebody a yes or no question, they go, A, B, C, D, E, F, like that.
32:40They don't know the answer.
32:41Can I make a serious point?
32:42Like, the...
32:44I served in Congress 12 years.
32:46We know.
32:47And, uh...
32:47Thank you for your service.
32:50I never could ever imagine a witness of any stature talking back to a senator or even
33:03House member at my time in Congress when the FBI director, not even a cabinet position,
33:09comes in and talks down to sitting members of the House and Senate like that.
33:13He has no respect for the separation of powers.
33:15Absolutely the wrong person for that job.
33:18It's offensive.
33:19How do we make sense of this?
33:23It was all a performance for Donald Trump.
33:26And Donald Trump loved it.
33:27That's all he needed to do.
33:28Also, everyone's, like, doing bits for TikTok clips.
33:33Everything is just a clip now, as opposed to, like, getting anything done.
33:38It's wild.
33:39Here's what I don't understand.
33:40Are you saying they doing that for TikTok just for clips?
33:43Uh-uh.
33:47Adam, if there are these confirmations here, somebody comes in, sits down, and just ball-faced
33:51lies, why can't Congress then do something about that?
33:57They can, but they don't, because the Senate now is basically, here's a history lesson,
34:04the end of the Roman Empire.
34:06The Senate basically existed.
34:07Oh, Jesus Christ.
34:09No, but they don't.
34:09All they care about is making Trump happy.
34:12So that's why Bill Cassidy, you know, can say, I'm very concerned about RFK and his stance
34:17on vaccines, but he promised me he wouldn't ban him.
34:19I'm going to approve him.
34:20And then, all of a sudden, he's doing this, and it's like, well, there's nothing we can
34:23do.
34:24Yeah, there is.
34:24You can cut their funding off.
34:26You can impeach them if they lie to you, but they don't.
34:29They should.
34:30They should.
34:31Let's see your offender.
34:33Who's this offender?
34:34That's old Chode.
34:35That's the five-year boy right there.
34:40Who did old Chode offend this week?
34:42Certainly the Lord.
34:45This week, Eric Trump offended none other than Eric Trump.
34:51Here he is on Fox and Friends speaking about his family's relationship to Charlie Kirk.
34:56He became, obviously, dear friends with Don's.
34:57He became, you know, that's right, probably a second son to my father.
35:03Let's play that again.
35:05He became, you know, that's right, probably a second son to my father.
35:08Now, understand what he's trying to say.
35:10He's trying to say that Charlie Kirk is like a son to his father, and that's how much
35:13in their relationship.
35:14Okay, fine, cool.
35:15But Donald Trump already has a second son.
35:19He's got a third son.
35:20He's got three of them, yeah.
35:21But do you know who his second son is?
35:23Well, Eric Trump.
35:24In this show!
35:26He's trying to say like a son, but he said like a second son.
35:30Are you demoting yourself?
35:31That's so much sadder than anything I have ever said on this show.
35:36Oh, I can top it.
35:38Roll the clip.
35:39I had an older Jamaican guy, probably 75 years old, in very broken English, come up to me
35:43yesterday, and he goes, you know, Mr. Trump, I'm so sorry to hear about Charlie.
35:47He goes, I was, I am Charlie Kirk.
35:48I knew he was lying when he said somebody came up to him.
35:52So, wait, he said a Jamaican guy came up to him in broken English?
35:57Do the accent.
36:00Adam!
36:02Who am I, Chet Hanks?
36:04Absolutely.
36:05You can do the accent.
36:06I can't do the accent.
36:06Oh, no, man.
36:08Me never do nothing but respect to me Jamaican brethren.
36:12That was Offend-O-Meter.
36:22Welcome back.
36:24It's time for Missing Words.
36:27Here's your headline.
36:28Blank rot by cheating scandal.
36:31Spelling bee.
36:32Chess.
36:32Scrabble.
36:34Spelling bee.
36:35Scrabble.
36:36Curling.
36:37Competitive scrabble.
36:39Competitive.
36:39Chess.
36:40Competitive spelling bee.
36:41Competitive style.
36:42Stop wrestling.
36:43You're all wrong.
36:44Double dutch.
36:46Stone skimming championship rocked by cheating scandal.
36:51How?
36:51Apparently, skipping stones across bodies of water is a very serious sport in Scotland.
36:57You know, you take them flat stones and you stick them up.
37:00But in the world of stone skimming, the championships in Isdale,
37:05it was discovered that some of the participants had been deploying stones
37:09that had their rough edges filed off.
37:12Son of a bitch.
37:13Give it a little bit more aerodynamic skippity skip.
37:16It's like the stone was doing steroids.
37:19Yeah.
37:20Now, it's a very difficult story to follow because it's a sport we're not familiar with here in the state.
37:26So, since we're a little confused about what's going on,
37:29here's a local who explains it perfect for us.
37:33The championships are held on Isdale Island in a flooded slate quarry.
37:37Isdale is one of the slate islands which earned her name, as you might have guessed,
37:39due to the slate that they used to quarry there.
37:42Isdale has nae cars and is only accessible via boats.
37:44Before long, it was my turn to stone on the skim of destiny.
37:47I started very strong before quickly feeling miserably with my two other stones.
37:50Known I had nae one, I drown my sorrows in the puffer caffeine.
37:55Couldn't have said it better myself.
37:57Perfect.
37:58Here's your headline.
38:00Australia approves world's first blank for koalas.
38:05Jail.
38:07That'd be cool.
38:08Yeah.
38:09Yo, koalas are kind of assholes.
38:10Mm-hmm.
38:11I'm going to go the other way,
38:13because I believe in the innate goodness of all creatures.
38:17Australia approves world's first public school for koalas.
38:23Let's get them out of that jail pipeline.
38:25Let's get them into school.
38:26Give them some programs.
38:27Maybe some after-school basketball.
38:29I think this could work out great for koalas.
38:32They just need somebody to believe in them.
38:33Yes.
38:34Right, right.
38:35I was going to say,
38:36because they are known to be jerks,
38:39that it would be like,
38:40Australia approves world's first, like,
38:42anger management program for koalas.
38:45Mm.
38:46Australia approves world's first
38:48chlamydia vaccine for koalas.
38:51Yay!
38:52Definitely wasn't going that right.
38:54It is a huge problem.
38:55Apparently, in Australia,
38:57those koalas are up there ro-dogging in the leaves.
39:02Apparently, koalas are, quote,
39:04at risk for infertility and death
39:06due to widespread chlamydia infections.
39:11Yes, Australia known for all the STDs.
39:13You've got the koala chlamydia.
39:16You've got kangaria.
39:19And, of course, you have good dates.
39:22Oh!
39:25Roy!
39:27Oh, my God!
39:29That's the funniest one yet.
39:31Good dates?
39:32Roy!
39:33No, be nice.
39:36That's missing words.
39:37It's more after the break.
39:43Welcome back.
39:44It's time for Which is Higher?
39:46I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news.
39:49You tell me which is higher.
39:52One of the year's most talked-about movies
39:54was Amazon Prime's War of the Worlds,
39:57starring Ice Cube.
39:58Roger Ebert dot com described it as, quote,
40:02Ew.
40:04Which brings us to the question,
40:06which is higher?
40:07The number of days it took to film
40:10Amazon's War of the Worlds
40:12or
40:13the Rotten Tomatoes score?
40:16Ooh.
40:18In my experience,
40:19shooting a major feature film
40:20can often take three, four months.
40:22No, but this movie was pretty much
40:24all Zoom and FaceTime.
40:25Is that true?
40:26Yeah, Ice Cube's at a computer,
40:27the whole movie.
40:28What?
40:29This shit took nine days to film.
40:32The Rotten Tomatoes score,
40:35that was 11.
40:36The answer,
40:38according to producers,
40:39the number of days it took to film
40:41War of the Worlds was 15 days.
40:43Okay.
40:44And the current Rotten Tomatoes score
40:46for 2025's War of the Worlds
40:48is 4%.
40:50Wow!
40:53Wow!
40:54It was filmed in 15 days
40:56during the pandemic,
40:57and it all takes place,
40:58you know,
40:59on Ice Cube's computer screens,
41:00calling, talking to people,
41:01which means most of the movie scenes
41:02is basically this.
41:05Dave, get out of there now!
41:07Dave!
41:08It's on!
41:08No!
41:14And then Ice Cube
41:15looked in the camera and said,
41:16today was a bad day.
41:19That was Witch's Hire.
41:21I want to thank our guest,
41:22former representative Adam Kinzinger,
41:23and Nguyen Fassat.
41:26And of course,
41:27thank you to our team captains,
41:29Amber Ruffin
41:30and Michael Ian Black.
41:34Before we sign off,
41:37here are a few more stories
41:38we're watching.
41:39Hey, we're ordering Shake Shack
41:41for lunch.
41:41You in?
41:42You guys ordering some Shake Shack?
41:51I'm Roy Wood Jr.,
41:52and I'll see you next week
41:53for another episode
41:54of How About That News
41:55for you,
41:55and we still haven't seen
41:57all the Epstein files.
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