Taskmaster Season 20 Episode 2

Reality Insight Hub

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Transcript

00:00Oh, no

00:19Nothing's ever straight forward in this stupid house

00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

00:33Hello! Thank you! Thank you!

00:37Welcome to Touchmaster, the great leveller.

00:40Comedians come with their plaudits

00:42on their impressive careers and achievements

00:44and soon realise that in this arena, they're just people.

00:47Simply humans taking on life's challenges.

00:50Which throws up the question I get asked in the street all the time.

00:54Will we, the members of the public, ever get to be on the show?

00:57No. Not on my watch.

01:00Why?

01:01I simply don't want you on it.

01:04Ever.

01:06Leave it!

01:08Line drawn. Let's move on.

01:10Let's meet the people who deserve to be here.

01:12They are...

01:13Anya Magliano!

01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:16Maisie Anna!

01:18Dullaris!

01:20Ruth Shearsmith!

01:22And Sanjeev Bhaskar!

01:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:27And next to me, a lover, a fighter, a bit of a biter.

01:30He's got a wonky tooth and his hair's got much whiter.

01:32LAUGHTER

01:34He's going to get a tall!

01:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:38What are we chatting about?

01:40I've got my first Swiss arm.

01:43LAUGHTER

01:46This guy can do anything.

01:48You want your phone charged, you get it.

01:50Would you like to measure a circumference?

01:54OK, then.

01:56Is it retractable?

01:58Sort...sort of.

01:59Oh, you've got some noodles.

02:01I've got some chopsticks.

02:03There's still some noodles in your teeth.

02:05It's OK.

02:06I've got floss.

02:07LAUGHTER

02:08Would you like everything to be a bit more mysterious?

02:11Yes, please.

02:12Ooh!

02:13LAUGHTER

02:14Wow!

02:16And those are all the functions.

02:18LAUGHTER

02:19And so, on we march.

02:21What's the prize task category, please?

02:24Well, this one could take a while, Greg,

02:26because they've each brought in the object that is hardest to describe.

02:30Ooh!

02:31Most Indescribable wins five points,

02:34and all five objects will go home with the episode winner,

02:37who will then struggle to describe them to whoever they live with.

02:40If they do live with other people,

02:41I haven't asked them about that sort of thing yet.

02:43LAUGHTER

02:44All right, then.

02:45Phil, what's your indescribable object?

02:47Er, I've brought in the, er, the Treaty of Versailles.

02:51LAUGHTER

02:52Here it is.

02:53The actual one.

02:54Yeah, yeah.

02:55I've pulled a few strings.

02:57LAUGHTER

02:58Do you know anything about the Treaty of Versailles?

03:00Well, it's just bringing Versailles together, wasn't it?

03:02You know, like, come on, guys.

03:04Come on, Versailles.

03:05We all want a holiday here.

03:06Yeah.

03:07Let's put our differences aside, reopen the water park,

03:11and let's have a lovely bank holiday Monday.

03:14Are you saying that you can't describe the Treaty of Versailles

03:17because you don't know what it's about?

03:18Yeah.

03:19Yeah, pretty much.

03:21And have you got something that's impossible to describe?

03:24I think you should just show it,

03:25and you tell me if you can describe it.

03:27Ooh, power move.

03:29OK, Greg, try to describe this.

03:31OK.

03:32LAUGHTER

03:33A box of shit?

03:35LAUGHTER

03:38No, it's got other stuff in it.

03:41A lightbulb.

03:42Yeah, but you don't know what lamp it's from.

03:45LAUGHTER

03:47Yeah, she's got me.

03:48Yeah.

03:49I think you're impressed, but you're trying to fight it.

03:52LAUGHTER

03:53What would be my motivation for fighting it?

03:56Childhood.

03:57LAUGHTER

04:02She's right, isn't she, Mum?

04:04LAUGHTER

04:05Maisie?

04:06Yeah, I brought in being in the womb.

04:09LAUGHTER

04:11We've all been there, but can any of us describe it?

04:14Mm.

04:15Can you remember it?

04:16I can't.

04:17Can you describe what it was like when we were there?

04:18I can't.

04:19We weren't in it together, but, like...

04:20LAUGHTER

04:21But, yeah, being in the womb.

04:23So, here is the womb.

04:24LAUGHTER

04:26It's really good.

04:27It's the only prize I want to win.

04:29LAUGHTER

04:30Sanji, can you do better or worse?

04:33Oh, worse.

04:34Let's go.

04:35Just have a look at it, yeah.

04:36Oh.

04:37I mean, is it an electronic game?

04:39Go for it.

04:40Well, it's a fidget toy, isn't it?

04:41Yeah, but that's what it is.

04:43That's not a description of it.

04:44No.

04:45Oh, that's very much a description of it.

04:46No, it isn't.

04:47It's like saying there's a man outside.

04:49Yeah.

04:50Does that describe him?

04:51No.

04:52LAUGHTER

04:53OK, so...

04:54He's right.

04:55A handheld tool for focus and relief.

04:57LAUGHTER

04:58What did I tell you about deleting your internet history?

05:02LAUGHTER

05:03Greece?

05:05I have brought in an item from my Cabinet of Curiosities.

05:09Here is his item.

05:11LAUGHTER

05:13Oh, God.

05:14I absolutely hate it.

05:16LAUGHTER

05:17I'll let you into a secret.

05:18I made it.

05:19Get...

05:20Get out of the table.

05:21LAUGHTER

05:22What is the head?

05:23It was an owl.

05:24LAUGHTER

05:25LAUGHTER

05:26And I took...

05:28I took the face off.

05:30LAUGHTER

05:31I...

05:32I absolutely hate it.

05:34LAUGHTER

05:35OK, we've seen all five.

05:37OK.

05:38Which is the easiest to describe, Greg?

05:40The easiest is...

05:41The well-known Treaty of Messiah.

05:43LAUGHTER

05:44APPLAUSE

05:45The treaty that ended really...

05:46Oh, God.

05:47I was, erm...

05:48Tossing up between, erm...

05:50The box of rubbish and the fidget game.

05:53And I've decided to give fidget game two points,

05:55because it is recognisable as a kind of game.

05:57OK.

05:58Whereas this is just boxes of weird stuff that's not connected,

06:01so it's a little harder to describe three points.

06:03Womb or thing?

06:04Womb or thing?

06:05Womb or thing?

06:06LAUGHTER

06:07I think probably I'll have to give thing four points,

06:09erm, because there are things I recognise about the thing,

06:12but I've got no concept of, erm, being in the womb,

06:14so I must give that five points.

06:15Very good.

06:16Wow.

06:17APPLAUSE

06:18Let's get off with the pass proper, please.

06:21Right away.

06:22And we begin with a quick sense check,

06:24followed by some segregation.

06:27Here we go.

06:28Good luck.

06:29MUSIC PLAYS

06:44Ooh.

06:45Hello.

06:46Hi.

06:47Who's that?

06:48It's Mazer.

06:49Oh.

06:50Who are you?

06:51Anya.

06:52Should I do something?

06:54You should open the task.

06:56Oh, God, right, OK.

06:57Sorry.

06:58This is quite sexy, isn't it?

07:01I feel like I should be putting a coin in a slot

07:04and I get to see you for, like, 30 seconds,

07:06whilst you dance.

07:07LAUGHTER

07:08Right, I'll crack on with it.

07:10LAUGHTER

07:11Identify Alex's five things.

07:14You may only use one sense.

07:16If you choose hearing, you get five points per item.

07:20Smell, four points.

07:22Taste, three points.

07:24Touch, two points.

07:25Sight, one point.

07:27Oh.

07:28Highest total score wins.

07:30You have a maximum of ten minutes.

07:32Your time starts as soon as you have decided

07:34which sense you will be using.

07:36And I'm looking for an adjective and a noun.

07:38An adjective?

07:39I would like you to tell me which sense you're going to be using.

07:41Oh!

07:42And I'm going to go for hearing.

07:44Do you know what the hell?

07:45Just go for hearing.

07:46Oh, yeah?

07:47Yeah.

07:48Go out in a blaze of glory.

07:49I'm going to go smell.

07:50On the board between us, there's a tiny little triangle shape, nose-ish.

07:55Am I going to have to put my nose in the hole?

07:57You're going to have to put your nose in the hole.

07:59Was I going to have to put my tongue in the hole?

08:01You were going to have to put your tongue in the hole.

08:02OK, I think I've made a good decision.

08:03I'm going to go right down the middle.

08:05I'm going to go taste.

08:06I'm going to taste it.

08:07Sure.

08:08I'm going to go taste all the way down.

08:10So, what I need you to do is put the blindfold on,

08:12the nose clip and the ear defenders.

08:14Oh, I'm flipping it.

08:15That's it.

08:16Eye mask is on.

08:18OK, it's on.

08:19Right now, though.

08:20Nose clip on.

08:21Well, what do you think?

08:23APPLAUSE

08:25All these series, and at last,

08:27we finally have a facial glory hole on the show.

08:30Sanjeev, you chose hearing.

08:33Yeah, I did.

08:34And said, because I intend to go out in a blaze of glory.

08:36Absolutely.

08:37I sense you couldn't care less.

08:40Marvellous.

08:41Who are we seeing first?

08:42Well, we're going to see one lone identifier to begin with,

08:45using only her sense of smell.

08:47It is Anya's Magliano's.

08:50Here we go.

08:53Ah-ha!

08:54Please put your nose through the nose hole.

08:56Coming through.

08:58Sniff.

09:01Oh, this is really hard.

09:05I'm going to say, fashionable watch.

09:09Fashionable watch.

09:10Yes.

09:11Item number two.

09:12Yes, please.

09:14Tiny cow.

09:16Tiny cow.

09:18Next item.

09:19It's got hay or something.

09:20It kind of smells like the London Dungeons.

09:23I'm just going to turn it the other way up.

09:24OK.

09:26Sniff.

09:27Oh, less of a smell on that side.

09:29Can I have the first side again, please?

09:32Oh, I...

09:33Oh, God.

09:34This is really frustrating.

09:35You've only got two and a half minutes.

09:36OK.

09:37I'm going to go scarecrow.

09:39OK.

09:40Is that your full answer?

09:41No.

09:42Scriggledy scarecrow.

09:44Scriggledy, is it?

09:45Item four.

09:46Sniff.

09:47Coffee.

09:48Something smells a bit like coffee.

09:49OK.

09:50Cold coffee.

09:51Why do you think it's cold?

09:52Because it smells cold.

09:54Can I have the last item, please?

09:56Here it comes.

09:58Oh, that smells nice.

09:59It smells like yoghurt.

10:00Coconutty yoghurt.

10:02Coconutty yoghurt.

10:03Yeah.

10:04That's the end, Anya.

10:05Well done and goodbye.

10:06OK.

10:07See you one day.

10:08See you one day.

10:09APPLAUSE

10:13Interestingly, away from the context of your face, your nose looks prosthetic, I think.

10:18It looks like a sort of lone soldier going over into the battlefield.

10:22I can't handle this.

10:23I'll go over the top myself.

10:24Yeah.

10:25Stay there, face.

10:26Yeah.

10:28What did she say tiny cow to?

10:29The wet teeth, you thought, was a tiny cow.

10:31Wet teeth!

10:32Wet teeth, yes.

10:33They were wet teeth.

10:34It is disgusting.

10:35They were real wet teeth.

10:37But cows are made of milk.

10:39No, cows have milk in them.

10:42And calcium.

10:43Teeth of calcium in them.

10:44So that's what I was probably picking up on.

10:46Yeah.

10:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.

10:48You've got the calcium coming through your nose.

10:50Anyway, the yoghurt.

10:51She got some points at last.

10:53Yeah.

10:54She chose smell, so it's four points per correct item.

10:56She got the yoghurt.

10:57She said coconut yoghurt.

10:58It wasn't coconut.

10:59It was a plain grey yoghurt.

11:00But we'll give her the four for...

11:02You want to give four?

11:03Oh, God.

11:04Even though it was coconut yoghurt?

11:05Look, mate, we're sticking hair on staplers.

11:07We'll give her the...

11:08LAUGHTER

11:09Next.

11:10Yes, please.

11:11It's Maisie and Rhys, who both have great taste.

11:14Or do they?

11:15LAUGHTER

11:16I'm just going to create a little hole for your mouth.

11:18Excellent.

11:20Oh!

11:21That's my finger.

11:22That's your finger.

11:23That's where your mouth is going to go.

11:25OK, I'm ready.

11:26Right.

11:27I'm going to go into your mouth.

11:28There it is.

11:33Can I kneel?

11:34You do whatever you're comfortable with.

11:35Go.

11:36Are you ready for item number one?

11:37Yes.

11:38Have a taste of this.

11:43Pop it in the mouth?

11:44In your mouth.

11:45I need to get a good grip on its texture.

11:47OK, here it comes.

11:48I'm trying to make it...

11:50There we go.

11:52That's a...

11:53Frozen flannel.

11:54Frozen flannel.

11:55Yeah.

11:56You spent four and a half minutes on item number one.

11:58Oh, my God.

11:59Move on.

12:00OK.

12:01Frozen pot.

12:02I'd ask you to not consume this.

12:03Ready?

12:04Uh-huh.

12:10I don't, er...

12:12I hope they're not teeth, are they?

12:13Do you want me to write down human teeth?

12:15No.

12:17Can't write down teeth.

12:18Uh, feels like they are little plastic beads.

12:23Plastic beads, and I've crossed out human teeth.

12:25Yeah.

12:26Wet beads.

12:27Wet beads.

12:28Yeah.

12:29Item number three.

12:33Could you put it in the mouth?

12:36Hmm, I suppose so.

12:37Go on.

12:42Would you like the other way up?

12:43No, I don't want to do that again.

12:45It's like putting my tongue into a...

12:48A fairy hole.

12:50It's a feather of scissors.

12:51A lovely pair of scissors.

12:53You think we'd let you lick scissors, do you?

12:55No.

12:56A fairy key ring.

12:57A hairy cone.

12:58Lovely.

13:00Good boy.

13:04Is it jam?

13:05What's the word when jam has got bits in it?

13:08Bitty jam.

13:10Caramelised sugar.

13:11Caramelised sugar.

13:12Yeah.

13:13One more item.

13:14Yeah?

13:15Yeah?

13:16I need your mouth.

13:17Oh, yeah.

13:21Is that the hole?

13:22If you want.

13:23Ready?

13:31Here it comes.

13:32There we go.

13:33Oh, I know that.

13:43Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue.

13:46Right, what is it?

13:48I'm going to say a spoonful of yoghurt.

13:50Yoghurt.

13:51It's yoghurt.

13:52It's yoghurt.

13:53I need an adjective.

13:54It's...

13:55Er...

13:56Strawberry yoghurt.

13:57Plain.

13:58It is a strawberry yoghurt.

14:00Greek.

14:02Plain.

14:03They keep...

14:04You can take everything off now.

14:05You may not look this side.

14:07Yeah.

14:11I mean, there are so many disturbing images.

14:14Your mouth coming through my nose...

14:17...eating yoghurt.

14:19Absolutely one of the most horrific things I've ever seen.

14:21There's all sorts of half marks there, I think.

14:24Yeah.

14:25Frozen flannel, frozen cloth.

14:26How many points?

14:27Well, one and a half points each.

14:28One and a half points each.

14:29Yeah.

14:30We've got wet beads or plastic beads.

14:31Or human teeth.

14:32Formally human teeth.

14:33It is extraordinary for him to have got teeth,

14:35so I have to give him something.

14:37We're going one and a half, one and a half again?

14:38Yeah, one and a half.

14:39Give another one and a half.

14:40OK.

14:41Then we've got furry keyring or hairy comb.

14:43Yeah.

14:44So, one and a half each.

14:45Sugar.

14:46It was sticky sprinkles.

14:47Or bitty jam.

14:48Bitty jam.

14:49I don't think bitty jam.

14:50Nothing for bitty jam.

14:51Anything for caramelised sugar?

14:53Come on, we're not breaking things down to their constituents.

14:55So nothing for jam or sugar?

14:56Finally, strawberry yoghurt or plain yoghurt?

14:59Plain yoghurt is the full three points.

15:02Of course it is.

15:03And half marks for strawberry yoghurt?

15:05Yes, of course, because it's not strawberry, but it is yoghurt.

15:07OK.

15:08Great.

15:09I'll get to the point quickly.

15:10It's break time.

15:11Bye.

15:12APPLAUSE

15:13Hello.

15:14Welcome back to Taskmaster.

15:15Before the break, they were trying to work out what five things I had on my side of the divider using only one of their senses.

15:32We've seen Anya guessing with her smell, Maisie and Rhys with their taste.

15:37And now, finally, it's Phil and Sanjeev's turn with their ears.

15:42Oh, God.

15:43It's not going to be at the most convenient height.

15:45Well, I called you up there.

15:47Just tell me where you want me to be.

15:48I just want a great...

15:49Ow!

15:50Right, that looks...

15:51Who is this designed for?

15:52That looks perfect.

15:53What?

15:54Are you ready to start listening?

15:55I'm ready.

15:56Well, here's item number one.

15:57Ready to listen carefully?

15:58Yep.

16:04That could be...

16:05Oh, God.

16:06Is it a mossy walk?

16:08A mossy walk?

16:09Yeah, no, scrap that.

16:11It's a...

16:13It sounds like a scourer.

16:14Like a green scourer.

16:16A green scourer.

16:17A green scourer.

16:18Rough scourer.

16:19It doesn't have to be the colour, does it?

16:20No.

16:21I'm going to go cleaning cloth.

16:22Next item.

16:24Oh, I don't like it.

16:26Dice.

16:27What sort of dice?

16:28Small.

16:29Small dice.

16:30OK.

16:31A brush of some kind?

16:32A brush?

16:33A hard-bristled brush.

16:35A hard-bristled brush.

16:36Yeah.

16:37Right, so we're going down the cleaning route so far.

16:39Yeah.

16:40Item number three.

16:41Yeah, just about.

16:42I don't know.

16:43I don't understand what the rubbing is.

16:44Is it a stapler?

16:45Fabric stapler?

16:46A what stapler?

16:47That's not a thing, is it?

16:48What am I writing down?

16:49Fabric stapler, please.

16:50OK, your ear's a bit low.

16:51That's a grabby thing.

16:52That's a grabby thing.

16:53That sounds like a grabby thing with a spring.

16:54Am I writing down grabby thing?

16:55Yeah, you might as well.

16:56I've got to do better.

16:57Metallic grabby thing.

16:58Metallic grabby thing.

16:59Yeah.

17:00Metallic grabby thing.

17:01Yeah.

17:02Yeah.

17:03Item number four.

17:04Yeah.

17:05Item number four.

17:06Listen very carefully to this.

17:07Oh, fuck.

17:08I don't know.

17:09It's a comb.

17:10No, toothbrush.

17:11What's the adjective?

17:12Child.

17:13I don't know.

17:14It's a comb.

17:15No, toothbrush.

17:16What's the adjective?

17:17Child's toothbrush.

17:18It's a scourer.

17:19Plastic scourer.

17:20Plastic scourer.

17:21Lovely.

17:22Final item.

17:24It's really relaxing.

17:25Sounds like a small fountain.

17:26Yeah.

17:27I've got a metallic grabby thing.

17:28Metallic grabby thing.

17:29Yeah.

17:30It's a metallic grabby thing.

17:31Yeah.

17:32Item number four.

17:33Listen very carefully to this.

17:34Oh, fuck.

17:36I don't know.

17:37There's a comb.

17:38No, toothbrush.

17:39What's the adjective?

17:40Child's toothbrush.

17:41It's a scourer.

17:42A plastic scourer.

17:43A plastic scourer.

17:44Lovely.

17:45Final item.

17:46It's like a small fountain that you find in a massage parlour, apparently.

17:50Yeah, it could be a ping-pong ball.

17:54Could be a ping-pong ball or a bat.

17:56It's a caveter. It's one of those water things,

17:59the duck, the bird that keeps dipping.

18:01Dust toy!

18:02Yeah, that's a straw moving a ping-pong ball in a jar of water.

18:07Wow. Very specific, that one.

18:10Would you like to hear any again?

18:12No. Ever.

18:14Thanks very much.

18:15See you, Sandy.

18:19Well, so I thought it was going to be a total disaster with your first guess,

18:23Mossy Walk.

18:25We've all been on one.

18:27But the big one, he landed the big fish, fabric stapler.

18:30Wow. Just with his ears.

18:34Sandy, hello.

18:35There was a period where you were very still and your head was against it

18:39and I genuinely thought you were fully asleep.

18:41I... I had passed out.

18:44And then I was awoken by a strange noise.

18:47Was it metallic grabby thing?

18:49Yeah, in a way. That does describe a stapler, doesn't it?

18:52I'm going to give you 2.5 marks for metallic grabby thing.

18:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

18:59Well, I guess that means that, Sanjeef, you got 2.5 points,

19:01you're in last place, you get one actual point.

19:03Ah, blaze of glory!

19:05LAUGHTER

19:07Anya, you get 2 points.

19:09Phil, you get 3 points.

19:11Maisie, you come second, you get 4 points.

19:13In first place, he scored 7.5 points.

19:16It's Rhys Shearsmith!

19:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

19:20Who licked human teeth to victory.

19:23Let's see the scoreboard.

19:25Well, we're in familiar territory.

19:27Sanjeef's in last place on 3,

19:28but at the top, it's Rhys and Maisie on 9 points.

19:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

19:33Very good. Another task. Right away, please.

19:37OK, I have the first team task for you, Greg.

19:41And it's going to be super.

19:59Hello, Alex.

20:00Hello, Maisie.

20:02What can you see?

20:04Two ducks in a bath.

20:06It's difficult to remember what was here before, innit?

20:09In a way, yeah.

20:10It is for...

20:12LAUGHTER

20:13Hi.

20:14Hi, Rhys.

20:15How are you?

20:16Yeah, good, thanks.

20:17Nice to meet you.

20:18Nice to meet you.

20:19You all right?

20:20Yeah, yeah, you all right?

20:21Rhys, Maisie, Maisie, Rhys.

20:22Hi, how are you?

20:23Yeah, very well.

20:24Very well.

20:25You're a team.

20:26We're a team!

20:27We're going to be a team.

20:28This is exciting.

20:29Oh, I thought you were a task.

20:30Like, I thought you were...

20:31No, I'm a real person.

20:32Those ducks are wearing the same clothes as me.

20:34So the ducks are all of us.

20:36GASP

20:37Hello.

20:39Hello.

20:40Hello.

20:41I'm Anya.

20:42Hi, Anya.

20:43Nice to meet you.

20:44No way.

20:47Hello.

20:48Oh, hey, guys.

20:49You all right?

20:50Hello, hello, pal.

20:51Hello.

20:52How are you?

20:53First time meeting.

20:54Yeah.

20:55The three of you are a team.

20:56I feel like I'm part of a family, finally.

20:58There's a task behind you.

21:00What?

21:01Oh.

21:02Go on.

21:03Do you want to look at it?

21:04Shall I look at it?

21:05No, you do it.

21:06Each team member must hook a duck.

21:08Silently read the duck's superpower.

21:11Then use that superpower for the next task in ten minutes from now.

21:15At no point may you tell your teammates your superpower.

21:18Your time starts now.

21:20OK, so, let me get this straight.

21:22We've got a superpower that's coming, but we don't say what it is.

21:24We don't know what that is.

21:25And in the meantime, we do hook a duck.

21:26Yes.

21:27You must stay behind that red line, please.

21:28OK.

21:33Pretty cool guy on there.

21:34Yeah.

21:35He's like George Michael, isn't he?

21:38Brightest superpower on the little clipboard.

21:42You have two minutes.

21:44Your time starts now.

21:46Oh, is it meant to be you because of its gap in its teeth?

21:49Oh!

21:51Soz!

21:52Oh, is it actually you?

21:54Got your abs?

21:56On your crotch?

21:57I think that's a good superpower.

22:02Come on.

22:03There we go.

22:04Are you ready?

22:05Yeah.

22:06OK, I've got it.

22:07Who have you got?

22:08Amazing.

22:09Sorry.

22:10Oh, no, Phil!

22:12Don't show each other your superpowers, but have a read.

22:17Rotate slowly and powerfully to thwart evil.

22:23You can morph into George Michael at any given moment.

22:26Turn any family member into a weapon by a look.

22:32Your fingers are a vacuum cleaner.

22:35You can tell when anyone lies.

22:39OK, the next task will start in eight minutes.

22:42Please go into the house and prepare yourselves.

22:44Come on.

22:50I mean, there's a lot going on in this house, isn't there?

22:52But I think I understand.

22:54Mm, they've all got superpowers now.

22:56And they'd previously made up the superpowers themselves.

22:58That's right.

22:59Well, we can see another introduction video if you want.

23:02That's what I was hoping for.

23:03Let's do it.

23:04Here we go.

23:05Come on, race.

23:07Ah, welcome team.

23:10Oh!

23:11I remember this guy.

23:13Yeah.

23:14Shall we go for it?

23:15Let's have a look.

23:16What is that?

23:17It's cake.

23:18Is it Alex on a meringue?

23:19Remove the most flour from the tray without touching flour with your hands

23:23or moving little, little Alex Horne?

23:26If little, little Alex Horne moves at any point, you are disqualified.

23:31Oh, no!

23:32You must take it in turns to remove flour and you must employ your superpowers.

23:37There's a bonus point for the contestant who employs their superpower most effectively.

23:42Most flour in the bowl wins.

23:45You have a maximum of 15 minutes.

23:47Your time starts now.

23:49So you can stop at any time?

23:50Oh.

23:51Oh, right, so we need to know when to tap out.

23:53Exactly.

23:54When you say you can't move him, what about his cape or if it flaps?

23:57Yeah, what if his cape flaps?

23:59Is that movement?

24:00I'm going to be watching his body.

24:02We asked you about the cape flaps.

24:04Can we avoid the term cape flaps?

24:06That's out of the bag.

24:07The cape may flap.

24:12I mean, I'm amazed to watch some adults debating whether cape flaps are movement in a human being.

24:20I enjoyed it.

24:21So it's a very big build-up for this, but we're not going to see what happens until after the break, Greg.

24:24Oh, my God.

24:26End of part two, anyone?

24:27Yes, please.

24:28APPLAUSE

24:29Hello.

24:30Thank you, and welcome back to part three of Taskmaster.

24:43And tonight, I'm going to part three like it's 1999.

24:47Before the break, they each selected a superpower they had previously created,

24:54and now they have to use those powers while removing as much flour as possible

24:58without toppling the super little Alex Horne figurine.

25:01Here's how they all got on.

25:03He can't move, and we've got to get all that flour into there and deploy the superpower.

25:07Yeah.

25:08Do you think that we will be able to do it?

25:09Yeah, defo.

25:10I think you're lying.

25:11Anyway.

25:12What do you mean?

25:13I don't know.

25:14I've just got a feeling.

25:15Look what I've got.

25:19That's good.

25:21Why don't, er...

25:22Sanjeev Zordi.

25:23Yeah, good idea.

25:24Oh, that's good, yeah.

25:25What is the scientific way that he would be not falling?

25:30Well, maybe I can help.

25:32Hello?

25:33Hi.

25:34Is that Andrew?

25:35It is, yes.

25:36Hi.

25:37Er, this is your brother, Phil.

25:39So, er, we've got a tiny version of Alex Horne.

25:45I've got to get the flour away without him moving.

25:48Er, telekinesis?

25:50That's not going to work.

25:52Er, thanks, though.

25:53Is that your half-brother?

25:55Half-brother?

25:56Step-brother?

25:57What made you think we were step-brother?

25:58That's my fault.

25:59Really?

26:00Yeah, yeah.

26:01It just didn't sound right.

26:02I know.

26:03I think we panicked.

26:04How come we've got such good items for this very time?

26:07I know.

26:08I'm really happy here.

26:09Do you think somebody knew what the tasks were?

26:11Do you think there's been some foul play?

26:13No.

26:14And I know that to be true, because...

26:16I know that to be true.

26:18Er...

26:19Can I prepare my superpower to go after Phil?

26:21Do whatever you want.

26:26Is that the superpower?

26:27Yeah.

26:28That's probably the most so far, actually.

26:31Back to Sanjeev.

26:32I've got an idea.

26:33I'm going to use this as a straight hedge, and then we can scoop that without worrying about...

26:37Yeah, yeah.

26:43Hello?

26:44So, Andrew, Sanjeev is using a letter now to move the flower away.

26:47Does that sound like a good idea?

26:48Yes.

26:49Thanks.

26:50See you later.

26:51You are my brother, though, aren't you?

26:52I can confirm I'm your actual brother, yes.

26:54Fully?

26:55Fully.

26:56You don't need to know all the details.

26:57See you, bro.

26:58Oh, that looks good.

26:59That's it.

27:00This is good, Rhys.

27:01You've got a good momentum going.

27:02This is my son.

27:03Come on, boy.

27:04Be good for daddy.

27:05Okay, come on, boy.

27:06This is your son, is it, Phil?

27:07Yeah.

27:08Tarquin.

27:09There's old Tarquin.

27:10He's got his dad's eyes.

27:11Oh, Alex, can I have my big one?

27:12Oh?

27:13Big one, now, please.

27:14That's a suck, is it?

27:15Uh...

27:16You've got seven and a half minutes.

27:17I think I'm going to go for these.

27:18No!

27:19No!

27:20No!

27:21No!

27:22No!

27:23No!

27:24No!

27:25No!

27:26No!

27:27No!

27:28No!

27:29No!

27:30No!

27:31No!

27:32No!

27:33No!

27:34No!

27:35No!

27:36No!

27:37No!

27:38No!

27:39No!

27:40No!

27:41No!

27:42No!

27:43I think we've done quite well, actually.

27:44Well, I'll...

27:45I mean, I've done...

27:46Oh!

27:47Oh!

27:48Oh, no!

27:49Oh, no!

27:52And that's the timer.

27:53Oh!

27:54We're about 15 seconds away from completing the task.

27:57Oh!

27:58I'm happy with that.

27:59Thanks, team.

28:00Bye-bye.

28:01Thanks, guys.

28:02APPLAUSE

28:03I am tempted to spend the whole time discussing

28:09why Anya doubts the bloodline of Phil's family.

28:12LAUGHTER

28:13I just thought the conversation felt quite stilted.

28:16No offence.

28:17Macy, you had a better superpower for the job.

28:20Yeah.

28:21And you were certainly very excited when you realised.

28:23Have we got a stilt?

28:24Yes.

28:25LAUGHTER

28:27But looking at you guys, like, you were really powering ahead.

28:30We were slow, weren't we?

28:31All that chopping into it was good.

28:32Yeah, I think you had a better strategy.

28:33Oh, the slow and steady science-based approach.

28:36Yeah.

28:37Delight to watch.

28:38It was like an Aesop's fable.

28:39It really was.

28:40And I had a little nap in the middle.

28:41LAUGHTER

28:42Both teams absolutely failed.

28:44So it's simply this.

28:45There is a bonus point for the contestant

28:46who employs their superpower most effectively.

28:48Slow, steady, powerful.

28:50I'm going to give Sanjeev the bonus point.

28:52OK, so zero, zero, zero, zero.

28:54One point for Sanjeev!

28:55APPLAUSE

28:56Well done, Sanjeev.

28:57Do you have another task, Alec, please?

29:00I'm sure I can pull one out of the bag for you, Greg.

29:02Here we go.

29:03MUSIC

29:16Lovely floral print.

29:18Your sort of thing.

29:21What's this?

29:22We're in the dome, you've got a bag.

29:23Yeah.

29:24Do I look in it?

29:25What are you looking for?

29:27A task.

29:28You want the task?

29:29Yeah.

29:30Sure.

29:31Make a wish.

29:32Make a wish?

29:34Yeah.

29:35Why would I make a wish?

29:36Make the task appear.

29:38I wish a task appeared.

29:40That's it.

29:41Keep wishing.

29:46Oh!

29:47Oh, my God, that's so magical.

29:49Ah.

29:53Oh, God.

29:54I wish a task would appear.

29:56Oh, my God.

29:58Oh, my God.

29:59LAUGHTER

30:00That's dead impressive.

30:05Funny little way to start the task.

30:07Take the most surprising thing out of this bag.

30:11This is a Mary Poppins thing.

30:13I've just got it.

30:14She had a big bag.

30:15You have a maximum of...

30:1715 minutes.

30:18Your time starts now.

30:20Take the most surprising thing out of this bag.

30:25Take the most surprising thing out of this bag.

30:31Shall I go and get things, put them in, and that'd be a surprise when they come out again?

30:36Exactly that.

30:37Exactly that.

30:42I just don't understand the task.

30:44Take the most surprising thing.

30:47I could put stuff in the bag to take out.

30:50OK.

30:51That's what they do, isn't it?

30:56Fascinating what this show does, isn't it?

30:58I know for a fact that Maisie is an incredibly intelligent woman,

31:02and yet she came across there as a new Coronation Street character

31:06who's adorable but thick.

31:11It's just the pressure.

31:12The pressure.

31:13The pressure.

31:14It just does something to you.

31:15OK.

31:16Let's crack up.

31:17OK.

31:18They've got to take something surprising out of the bag.

31:19Here is Anja and Sanja.

31:22Sanji.

31:26Chicken.

31:27There's a chicken in the bag.

31:28Chicken in the bag.

31:31OK.

31:32Thanks, Anja.

31:34Very surprising.

31:37One more thing.

31:42Oh, there's a can in the chicken in the bag.

31:46You sound surprised.

31:47I am.

31:51I'm going to get a can opener.

31:54Right.

31:56Can't wait.

31:57Ladies and gentlemen.

32:02In the blue corner,

32:04we have...

32:06Ingmar Johansson.

32:09The great Scandinavian boxer.

32:12What do you think might be inside this can?

32:14Beans.

32:17What is it?

32:18Jam.

32:19Jam?

32:21It comes off.

32:22Surprise.

32:24And what will you find

32:28in the great Ingmar Johansson's boxing glove?

32:32I don't know.

32:34His hand.

32:36Thank you, Anja.

32:37Jam in a can in a chicken in a bag.

32:39Let's just check if there's anything inside this jam.

32:42There was a bean in a can.

32:43Mmm.

32:44But by the time that we came around to it,

32:45that was surprising.

32:46Thank you, Anja.

32:47But wait.

32:48Surely there can't be anything inside this little bean.

32:49message.

32:50Inside the bean?

32:51Inside the bean?

32:52Inside the bean.

32:53Greg, I am your daughter.

32:54I knew it.

32:55I knew it.

32:56That's why I was so comfortable seeing your nose.

32:57Yeah.

32:58in my nose.

32:59in my nose.

33:00in my nose.

33:01Yeah.

33:03Majorca 1998.

33:04Tell me about it.

33:05Oh, my God.

33:06Well, they're both good.

33:07I mean, to mention a Swedish boxer.

33:08He won the world title in 59-60.

33:09Yeah.

33:10In my name, it was not a big one.

33:15Yeah.

33:16No, it was a big one.

33:17But yeah, it was a big one.

33:18No, it was a big one.

33:19You got into it.

33:20Oh, Lord, I knew it.

33:21It was fine.

33:22What, who did you get into that?

33:23It was handsome.

33:24It was a big one.

33:25It was a big one.

33:26It was just a great one.

33:27Albert.

33:28Tell me about it.

33:30Oh, my God, well, they're both good.

33:32I mean, to mention a Swedish boxer.

33:35He won the world title in 59-60, something like that.

33:38Yeah, I thought so, yeah. Of course.

33:40I was surprised to have him referenced.

33:42So was I, yeah.

33:43I was surprised that his severed hand was in the club.

33:46And most of all, I was surprised.

33:48I think Sanjeev was enjoying himself during that time.

33:51But I have to say, Anya's one is one of the best things I've ever seen.

33:55So there is that.

33:57I mean, I was impressed when you had jam in a can up a chicken's cloaca.

34:04Before I find out that you're my beloved daughter.

34:08Yeah, it's quite a journey, I think, for both of us.

34:13But it's nice to finally be reunited.

34:15Yeah, it's great. I don't really want to hang out, though.

34:18A boxer and a daughter. Want to see some more?

34:21I want to see more than a boxer and a daughter, all right.

34:23OK, next, it's two people who sound like four people.

34:26Maisie, Adam, Phil, Ellis.

34:32Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

34:37You're looking pretty surprised, Alex.

34:38Right.

34:39Eh?

34:40Eh?

34:41Eh?

34:42Eh?

34:43Eh?

34:44Eh?

34:45Eh?

34:46Eh?

34:47Eh?

34:48Eh?

34:49Eh?

34:50Eh?

34:51Eh?

34:52Eh?

34:53Eh?

34:54Eh?

34:55Eh?

34:56Pondrez-moi de la sac.

34:57Right.

34:58I'll just tip it back, I suppose, is it?

34:59Je ne sais quoi!

35:00Oh, there was a donkey dressed as a chicken in the bag.

35:31Um, Hawaiian bra and an accordion.

35:33Well, I wasn't expecting that.

35:34No!

35:35Thank you, Maisie.

35:36Oh!

35:37Oh!

35:38Oh!

35:39Oh!

35:40Oh!

35:41Oh!

35:42Oh!

35:43Oh!

35:44Surprising?

35:45Well, I thought it might be a fish.

35:47That's not the surprising bit.

35:49Just gotta gut it.

35:55Now that's the surprising bit.

35:58It's great.

35:59There we are.

36:00Well, thank you very much.

36:01So, Maisie was a surprising chicken donkey French Hawaiian accordion player.

36:10Oui.

36:11Yeah.

36:12But I wasn't really that surprised, because I could see you straight away.

36:16Honestly, we can just skip through.

36:18Yeah.

36:19OK, Phil.

36:20Everyone knows that a lot of fishing rods are extendable,

36:23so when you started doing that old trick, I thought,

36:25this is disappointing, this is not at all surprising.

36:27And then when there was a fish on the end of the line,

36:30I thought, that's a bit disappointing.

36:32Yeah.

36:33And that's when you hit me with a big surprise.

36:35You found a photograph of me where I'm quite clearly hammered.

36:39Yeah.

36:40And vulnerable, some would say.

36:42That was the night I was conceived.

36:44LAUGHTER

36:47So, the photo, when you see the photo here, just so you know, Greg,

36:54your teeth there, it's actually your date of birth on your teeth,

36:58and it's your phone number on your arm.

37:00My actual phone number?

37:01Yeah, that's why we blurred it slightly.

37:02Ah, that's good.

37:03But I've got it, Andy, if you want it.

37:05OK, yeah, OK.

37:06It's break time, what's more.

37:08In the final part of the show, the winner will head home

37:10with the Treaty of Versailles tucked under one arm,

37:13a replica womb under the other,

37:15and a deep-rooted sense that time is running out

37:17and they should hold their loved ones that little bit closer.

37:20See you in a minute.

37:21APPLAUSE

37:31Well, goodbye to the final part of the show,

37:34where people are pulling things out of bags.

37:36Yes, they have to do that because you told them to do that

37:39with a typed letter, sealed with wax,

37:41and people very rarely question the logic of what is the main

37:43principle of the show.

37:44There's just one person left to see, and it's Rhys Shearsmith.

37:48A bag, surprising, yes?

37:56Yes.

37:58Ooh!

38:02What is this?

38:15All right, all right.

38:18Dark board?

38:23Oh.

38:27Baby head.

38:28Oh, I'm sorry, but I didn't find anyone to have expected that.

38:35Class came below.

38:36Interesting.

38:37Hit the spot with a bone to pick from the pea-brained baby.

38:43Surprising.

38:45Solve the riddle.

38:46Hit the spot.

38:47Well, this is a target, so...

38:49You know what would...

38:51Target this a plate?

38:52A plate of food that would hit the spot?

38:54Who knows?

38:55Let's see what the next part of the riddle is.

38:58With the bone to pick.

38:59Where is the bone to pick?

39:00We've got a plate.

39:01Perhaps somehow this...

39:04Well, I never.

39:06The bone that becomes a spoon.

39:07I'm sorry, but that's a surprise.

39:10And, er...

39:12The pea-brained baby.

39:13Well, now.

39:14The pea-brained.

39:17Want a petite.

39:23Bit surprising, isn't it?

39:24Oh, yeah.

39:26I wasn't expecting that way.

39:28I wasn't.

39:33Right.

39:34There.

39:35Ain't got anything to go with this.

39:37Anything else in the bag?

39:42Oh, yeah.

39:44Ah, lovely.

39:48I'd say that was...

39:50...very surprising.

39:51Get out.

39:52Yeah, one bag.

39:54Wow.

39:55OK, thanks, Rhys.

39:56See you.

39:57OK.

39:58See you later.

39:59See you.

40:00See you later.

40:02APPLAUSE

40:07That was brilliant.

40:08Brilliant.

40:09So, it's a clown man mopping up baby brains with a baguette.

40:14Yeah, pretty much.

40:15Brilliant.

40:16Wow.

40:17God, what a drama.

40:18It looked extravagant.

40:19OK.

40:20Got some points?

40:21I guess so, yes.

40:22It was a pretty surprising thing.

40:23The bag was.

40:24It was Maisie.

40:25No-one's going to get two points,

40:26because I think there was a considerable jump in quality after Maisie.

40:31Let's say three points to Sanjeev's that I enjoyed immensely.

40:34Right.

40:35Four points to Phil.

40:37And the baby brains and discovering I've got a daughter I couldn't separate.

40:42They both horrified me.

40:45And you're pleased.

40:46And I'm pleased.

40:47And I'm pleased.

40:50Thank you, Daddy.

40:53Five points to Anya and five points to Rhys.

40:58Let us glance at the scores once more.

41:00Yes, well, Anya and Maisie are in joint second on ten,

41:03but in the lead with 14 points is Rhys.

41:05APPLAUSE

41:06OK, please, stay right where you are for the final task of the show!

41:14APPLAUSE

41:24Hello, everyone.

41:25Hello.

41:26Alex, who's going to read the task?

41:28Maisie's going to read the task.

41:29Please, Maisie.

41:33Guess how many things the taskmaster's assistant has on him.

41:37Worst answer is eliminated,

41:39but there is a bonus of five actual points

41:42if you are exactly ten out at any time.

41:46Last player standing wins.

41:49What?

41:50What?

41:52Alex, do you want to explain it?

41:53Yes, there's going to be four rounds.

41:54I'm going to go behind that screen

41:57and come out with some things.

41:58You've got to work out or guess

42:00how many of those things I've got on me.

42:02Right.

42:03OK.

42:04You're ten away at any point.

42:05You get five genuine points for the actual show.

42:07Oh!

42:08Are you ready for...

42:09Oh, hello, Sanji.

42:10Sorry, yes, I may have a nap during this.

42:13Unfortunately, Sanji, even if you're out,

42:15you do have to carry on in case you get this bonus.

42:17Ah.

42:18I know.

42:19Tricky.

42:21Greg, would you like me to go behind the screen?

42:22Go behind the screen!

42:23It's time for round one.

42:24OK.

42:26The first category.

42:27How many babies has Alex got on him?

42:34Can Alex spin around?

42:35Alex can't spin around holding babies.

42:37LAUGHTER

42:38Reveal your baby guesses.

42:4214, 13, 16, 3, 12.

42:45I can tell you that none of you are ten above.

42:48I will now reveal the number of babies that Alex has on him.

42:53Five!

42:54LAUGHTER

42:59Are you so close?

43:01I'm afraid, Phil.

43:03You were the furthest away.

43:05What an emotional rollercoaster!

43:06And so, Phil is eliminated!

43:08Oh!

43:12And will you hold a baby to show you're out?

43:14Of course I won't!

43:16Round two.

43:17The category is...

43:19Forks!

43:21Oh!

43:22God.

43:23Please guess the amount of forks that Alex has on him, starting now.

43:29Phil, you can still guess.

43:30Good, Phil.

43:31I'm all right.

43:32But you get five bonus points.

43:33Oh!

43:34Don't do it!

43:35Oh, God!

43:36I didn't listen.

43:38Please reveal your fork scores now.

43:41We have 23, 13, 18, 16 and 60 from Sanjeev.

43:466-0?

43:47Oh, you've been asleep.

43:48Oh, my God.

43:51I can tell you that no-one has gone exactly ten away.

43:54Exactly ten away from the fork count.

43:56There are 15 forks on the tray.

43:5915?!

44:00But what's under the cloche, Sanjeev?

44:02Could there be 35 forks under here, Sanjeev?

44:06Or 45?

44:07Or 45?

44:08Or 45?

44:13Marble!

44:15Sanjeev, you're eliminated.

44:16There were only 15 forks.

44:17Excellent.

44:19Sanjeev's eliminated!

44:20Who saw that?

44:21We've been into it.

44:26The category for round three is...

44:28Belts!

44:29Oh!

44:30Oh, dear.

44:31How many belts does he have?

44:34Oh, this is...

44:35How are we meant to know?

44:37You're not meant to know, Rhys.

44:41Stop belting!

44:43Please reveal your belt answers.

44:463, 0, 5, 4, 14.

44:49OK, I'll crack straight in and tell you that no-one has got the bonus five points.

44:53No-one is exactly ten away.

44:54And I can reveal the amount of belts Alex has on is...

45:00Whoa!

45:01Only one belt!

45:02It's big!

45:03But it's a karate belt.

45:04Yeah!

45:05Yeah!

45:06Rhys is eliminated!

45:07APPLAUSE

45:15Just like you threw me away.

45:22The final round.

45:23Yes.

45:24Final round, the big one.

45:25The big one?

45:27Birds!

45:32How many birds does Alex have?

45:39Please reveal your bird counts.

45:43Someone here has got exactly ten away.

45:47You get a sweet five points.

45:53Because there are four birds in Alex.

45:56Rhys takes five points.

45:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

46:04And so, Anya wins the task.

46:06Oh!

46:07You also get five points!

46:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

46:18What a rush!

46:20Wow!

46:21It was almost too mysterious.

46:23Oh, my God.

46:24The adrenaline...

46:26The adrenaline's coursing through my veins.

46:28Well, Phil was the worst of it.

46:29He gets one point.

46:30Sanjeev got two points.

46:31Maisie, four.

46:32Anya, five.

46:33But Rhys, he grabbed the bonus five points.

46:35He gets a total of eight points!

46:37Well done, Rhys.

46:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

46:41Scoreboard?

46:42Yes.

46:43Well, it means that in joint last place,

46:44it's Phil and Sanjeev on nine,

46:46but with a huge 22 points,

46:48the winner is Rhys Shearsmith!

46:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

46:52Rhys Shearsmith has won!

46:54Please hear it to the stage in playing your things

46:57the 100 play!

47:01It's Rhys!

47:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

47:04Thank you!

47:05espa the importa

47:07mi

47:09committee

47:10O

47:11o

47:13m

47:14o

47:17o

47:20o

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