- 1 week ago
The Happy Mess Method - Season 1 Episode 5
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00:00You alright?
00:10I'm so tired.
00:12For what?
00:14Kelly, it was like having two Sabrinas all day yesterday.
00:17That should give you energy.
00:18I need a nap.
00:19We don't have time for a nap.
00:21We've got a game plan.
00:22We got this call from Andrew because Kelly keeps the house too clean.
00:27We just need to make that house like a real mess.
00:29Oh, I can't do that.
00:31But you're right.
00:32The fact that she doesn't want the house to look like there are kids there,
00:35I want that to change.
00:36Yeah, I'd love for her to be able to take on a little bit more of Andrew's viewpoint.
00:40I love that, I do.
00:41Just take it down like a little notch so they can enjoy life together.
00:45Alright, let's take a look at what's going on in there.
00:49Hey baby, what you doing?
00:50Um, just picking up.
00:52I'm going to take the kids to the playground when they come.
00:54Um, I just want to pick up this room and get it all back in the guest room and just get everything out of this space that's a toy.
01:02Okay, how much longer do you think it's going to take?
01:05Um, I don't know, 15 minutes?
01:07Like, don't wait for me.
01:08Bye.
01:09He wanted to spend time with the kids.
01:13That's exactly why he's called us.
01:15Well, who else is going to clean?
01:16Maybe there's a bit of learned helplessness on Andrew's side too because he knows she's going to do all the work.
01:22What Andrew doesn't realize is that by not offering to help Kelly keep the home neat and tidy,
01:26it's creating a cycle where she feels like she has no choice but to do it all.
01:29And then inherently, she doesn't feel like she has the option of being able to take time to spend with him and the kids,
01:34which is the one thing that he wants.
01:36I just need you guys to play for a little bit quietly.
01:38I'm going to do a couple emails, and then when I have my work call...
01:42How many emails?
01:44Maybe 10 emails.
01:46How does she do any work in this office?
01:49I'm going to have a work call, and then when I have my call, I need you guys to go play downstairs.
01:55Come on, this is dumb.
01:58She needs a lock on that door.
02:01That's a lot to manage.
02:02Yeah, because she's the one that wants to be tiny.
02:05She wants everything to be under control.
02:07She's doing all the managing, and she has to sort of play the, like, you know...
02:11The house manager.
02:13Yeah.
02:14And I think she wants to be the fun mom, too.
02:16If we give Kelly permission to let go, do you think she'll take it?
02:20I don't know. I hope so.
02:22I guess we'll see.
02:23What do you think Kelly's doing right now?
02:39I think she's probably cleaning.
02:40The truth is, a lot of people who need to control their environment and how it looks feel like other things are out of their control.
02:46Hello!
02:47How you doing?
02:48And studies have shown that people actually turn to these repetitive behaviors like cleaning as a way of maintaining that feeling of constant control.
02:56Did you spend any time last night cleaning at all?
02:59Yes.
03:00That's why it's so important to slowly implement change that eases you into adopting these new behaviors and letting go.
03:06As much as a clean house makes me feel relaxed, the pressure to get to that, it's a lot, and I'm sure you feel the same way.
03:13Definitely.
03:14I want to get to a place where I care less about a lot of those things.
03:19I love that.
03:20I just don't know how to get there.
03:22What we want to do is give you some different perfection zones, areas of the house where you need them to be perfect, and then we figure out ways where we give you permission to be a little bit messy within those zones.
03:34This method is called Baby Steps.
03:37Whether you're on the cleaner side of things or the messier side of things, it can be really hard to step outside of your comfort zone, especially when you've had the same habits for years.
03:46And although it's pretty easy to just tell somebody to chill out.
03:49Yeah, I think we've had that conversation a few times.
03:52It's a lot better to just ease somebody into a new habit.
03:55Otherwise, if it's too big of a change, you get overwhelmed and you just give up.
03:59So if you're like me or Kelly who are on the neater side, you can start implementing small, medium, and large perfection zones where you start to introduce a little bit of a mess.
04:08Whether it's a smaller zone like misaligned bowls in the cupboard or a larger zone like leaving a bit of a mess in your primary bedroom.
04:15And if you're on the messier side of the spectrum, you can create imperfection zones in areas that need to be tidier.
04:20So your smaller zone could be making sure the bowls are always stacked properly.
04:25I think he missed one.
04:27Good.
04:32Better.
04:35First impressions.
04:37A little scared.
04:39All we're trying to do is bring you a few tiny little baby steps closer towards the middle.
04:44So we want to identify your perfection zone.
04:46We'll do it in three steps too.
04:48So is there something small around the house that can drive you crazy if it's not where it should be?
04:53This room is a big one.
04:55I need to have the pillows perfectly in the corners.
04:58So like if this was like, that would drive you crazy?
05:01Yes.
05:02Yeah.
05:03Oh, that's too far.
05:05Now that's driving me crazy.
05:07Crossed a line.
05:08We've crossed a line.
05:09It's hard to change long habits, old habits.
05:12So I'm a little worried about it, but knowing that I only have to take it one baby step at a time feels manageable.
05:20So maybe one of the baby steps for this particular zone is at the end of the night, one of the pillows is askew before you go to bed.
05:30Just let it be.
05:31Just see.
05:32Try it on.
05:33I think you can do anything.
05:34I can try.
05:35Just try.
05:36Because I'm sure he'd rather you come up to bed sooner.
05:38Sorry, baby.
05:39Right?
05:40Damn.
05:42You're welcome.
05:43I mean, you know, I'm not too old of a dog.
05:46I might be able to learn some new tricks, so I'm willing to be tested a little bit.
05:50Okay, so if this is the small, what would you say is medium?
05:53Probably, like, the dining room area.
05:55Okay, can we go in?
05:56Probably next, yep.
05:57Okay.
05:58Let's walk through that.
05:59I hope that Kelly can realize our whole method is about not being perfect.
06:03If we give you a method and you fail at it, that's okay.
06:06That's fine.
06:07So if you're not perfect at being imperfect, that's okay, too.
06:13What drives you crazy in this space?
06:15Pretty much any time the kids bring out their toys, because it's like our hang area, walk area, I want it back in the playroom.
06:22Even in my house, where I like to have everything polished, Olivia has toys in the living room.
06:27I just have, like, huge baskets on each side of the sofa so she can throw things in.
06:32Listen, a basket in the room sounds like a good compromise.
06:37Can I test your limits?
06:38Sure.
06:39Okay, come with me.
06:40Okay, let's do this.
06:41Can we also play with the toys?
06:42Yes, of course.
06:43What do you want to play with?
06:44The great thing about baskets and bins is that they are low-maintenance storage options.
06:49There's no lids, so there's no psychological impediment.
06:52There's no reason to not just chuck stuff in there, especially if you're a kid.
06:55And they're decorative, so it's not much of an eyesore for somebody as particular as Kelly.
07:00Where are you going to put those?
07:02Let's say the night's done, kids just played with this stuff, gonna go upstairs?
07:07I mean, can I just put it back in the bin but we'll leave the bin in the room?
07:11Yes!
07:12Okay.
07:13Yes!
07:14Yeah, leaving the toys out in this room overnight will definitely be a challenge.
07:17It sounds like a good compromise.
07:20I'm okay with leaving the bins out, for sure.
07:22So, if the pillows were small, the toys in the living room is medium, what would be large?
07:27Probably the upstairs playroom.
07:30Okay, and that's where the girls are now?
07:31Yes.
07:32Can we go say hi?
07:33Sure.
07:34Okay, let's go.
07:35Kelly's large perfection zone is the toy room.
07:39And I would love to be able to turn this perfection zone into a chill imperfection zone.
07:49Hello, girls!
07:51Hi!
07:52This is Sabrina.
07:54Hi!
07:55And this is Jen.
07:56Hello!
07:57You guys are so cute!
07:58What are you guys working on?
07:59Are you reading a book, sweetie?
08:01Yeah.
08:02Where do the books go?
08:04What?
08:05I don't know!
08:08So, this is the kind of mess that sort of drives you crazy?
08:11Yeah.
08:12And then I try and get to my desk, so I have to clean it up first.
08:15And often times it's even bigger than this.
08:17Yeah.
08:18I will say that part of the baby steps is like resisting tidying, like a tiny bit.
08:23So, think about maybe what tiny amount of chaos you would be okay with.
08:28Baby, maybe you could leave some of those things on the floor tonight.
08:31As long as I can clear a pathway to my desk, I can maybe be okay with that.
08:35That's a baby step!
08:36Choosing a perfection zone in your house, something like a kid's room, a storage room, a garage,
08:41that tends to typically get messy anyway.
08:44It's giving yourself a little bit of freedom to push your boundaries.
08:47And you're relieving yourself of the stress of feeling like you have to keep it perfect.
08:51So, we've got throw pillows, we've got the living room, we have the playroom.
08:55To just identify other zones of perfection around the house where maybe, you know, you could...
09:01Relax.
09:02Relax like a little bit around like your routine.
09:05I'm a little worried about having to be messier.
09:09We'll see you tomorrow.
09:10Okay.
09:11All right.
09:12Bye guys.
09:13Bye.
09:14Baby steps.
09:15That's all they're asking for.
09:16What do you think?
09:17Maybe for one night Mama doesn't do any cleaning?
09:19Yeah.
09:20I will do my best, but it'll be new for me.
09:23Maybe you clean up instead of me.
09:25I will, like, clean.
09:26I will wrap into that.
09:28Why?
09:29Mama Lane.
09:30How do you think they did that as well work last night?
09:43I think Kelly probably tidied everything.
09:45You think?
09:46Yeah.
09:47It feels like it was gonna be quite difficult for her, and I think that's why these baby steps
09:52are gonna be so important for her.
09:54We gotta get them both to make baby steps.
09:56It's not fair in any relationship where the expectations of cleaning falls onto one person's
10:01shoulder, even if that person is the one who's bothered by the mess.
10:04I understand there's an extreme to being too clean.
10:07There's also an extreme to being too chill.
10:09And by Andrew not contributing, he's essentially saying to Kelly that her needs don't matter that much.
10:13And when those little resentments occur and start to build up...
10:16Hi!
10:17Hi!
10:18Hello again!
10:19How are you?
10:20It can be very difficult to find the motivation to make any changes at all.
10:23So how was your night?
10:24I want to hear all about it.
10:26We poured a glass of wine and tried to, like, think about your homework.
10:31I see your pillows.
10:34They are askew, if you notice.
10:36A little.
10:37A little.
10:38How did it feel?
10:39Since I feel like I kind of had, like, an expert's permission to let it go, it felt
10:44a little bit okay.
10:45How are the toys in the other room?
10:47Can I take a look?
10:48Yep.
10:49Did you leave them?
10:50I did.
10:53The boxes are out.
10:54Yay!
10:55They are!
10:56I am so proud of you.
10:58Congratulations.
10:59And drawings, too!
11:01I left the art out, you know.
11:04She was still working on it, so I thought maybe she can continue it later today.
11:10Who are you and what did you do with Kelly?
11:13I am shocked.
11:14I'm shocked that she left all that stuff out all night.
11:17This is a very large win.
11:19Do the victory dance.
11:21Did it feel at all different this morning?
11:26Kelly did really well yesterday.
11:28I give her a lot of credit, but she's got her limits, so we'll see if this keeps up.
11:33We don't want to push too hard.
11:34We get it.
11:35Yes.
11:36Like, even if it just lasts for, you know, 48 hours, you've tried something new.
11:39Thanks, guys.
11:40I'm giving myself some credit that I'm doing the work, and hopefully we'll be a happier
11:46family because of it.
11:48Can I head upstairs?
11:49Sure.
11:50You know what I was thinking about this morning?
11:53Do you happen to have a basket?
11:54I do.
11:55Can you grab it?
11:56Yes.
11:57I have, like, a little tip.
12:04So I was thinking, and it doesn't, it's not going to necessarily be this basket, that
12:09if we leave, like, a basket here, and it'll be all the way up basket.
12:13There are toys in the downstairs room, there are toys in the upstairs room, so Kelly's going
12:17back and forth, but she doesn't need to be going up and down all day.
12:21So you just throw things in there that need to go upstairs, and once a day, maybe for you
12:25twice a day, you can bring the whole basket up instead of running up.
12:29It's going to save you time and stress.
12:31I end up stacking things.
12:32Right?
12:33Here, here, here, here.
12:34I know.
12:35I'm the same way.
12:36The on the way up basket is great for somebody like Kelly, because it's still contained, it's
12:41going to get up there, but it's not in plain view.
12:43I love that idea.
12:44Are you going to be okay with that?
12:46Yeah, I think, I think so.
12:48We'll make it a cute basket.
12:49Yeah.
12:50Come on, let's go up.
12:53I think having a basket at the bottom of the stairs as a forever staple seems doable.
12:59I love the idea that not everything needs to be put away.
13:01It can just be put in a spot, and we can clean it up from time to time.
13:06Maybe sometimes you can take the basket out.
13:08Maybe sometimes.
13:09Oh, yay!
13:11They're still out.
13:12Wow.
13:13They're still out.
13:14I will say it still looks marvelously neat for a playroom.
13:19But I love that you, like, fell asleep with this.
13:22Something as simple as just letting the toys stay out overnight seems like a simple task,
13:26but for somebody like Kelly, taking those steps to implement real change can be difficult
13:30to overcome.
13:31It's going to take a real conscious effort on her part to be able to learn how to give up
13:35control and just relax a little bit.
13:37It's time to have fun.
13:38Yeah.
13:39Jen's got a little surprise for you.
13:40Uh-oh.
13:41I've never had anyone react to fun that way.
13:43Kelly.
13:44Kelly.
13:45Yeah.
13:46Normally, we like to take you beyond the mess because there's a mess in the house, and
13:50people are stressed about it, and we want to get them away.
13:52In your case, there is no mess, really.
13:54I feel like the mess is more, maybe, like, in your mind than it is in the house.
14:00So we want to get you away from that feeling, and you and I are going to go hop in a wetsuit.
14:05Not the same one.
14:06We've got two.
14:07We're going to go to the beach.
14:08We're going to go boogie boarding.
14:09Oh.
14:10Going beyond the mess is going to be so key for Kelly because she's been so wrapped up
14:15in her cleaning that she's forgotten to take the time to be present in all the other areas
14:19of her life.
14:20Have you ever been?
14:21It's been a minute.
14:22And I want to get her to a place where she can just remember to be more in the moment
14:26and experience the unpredictability of nature and all the joys that it can bring.
14:30We're going to the beach?
14:31No.
14:32You're going to stay with Sabrina.
14:33Yes.
14:34And we've got a couple of things that we're going to ask you to do as well.
14:37So now I'm going to play while he's going to work?
14:39Yeah.
14:40I don't know about this.
14:42It's going to be fun.
14:43We've all got to make sacrifices.
14:45When I woke up today, I didn't realize that I was going to be boogie boarding.
14:51So when you do more, I get to do less.
14:53I'm a little nervous, though, about what Sabrina has in store for me.
14:57I know that baby steps eventually turn into big steps.
15:01And I don't know if I'm really prepared for those.
15:03We'll see.
15:04Let's go.
15:05Let's get your witsuits on.
15:06Great.
15:07All right.
15:08Let's get ready to have some fun.
15:09See how you do, Jen.
15:10Wipe out.
15:18Oh, my God.
15:19It's so pretty.
15:20It really is.
15:27Okay.
15:28This is amazing.
15:29Doesn't the water feel really good?
15:30I'm into it.
15:31Kelly lives right around the corner from the beach, but she is so busy cleaning and organizing
15:35that she doesn't even get a chance to enjoy it.
15:37I can't believe you would ever choose to tidy over coming here.
15:42And just spending a little bit of extra time in nature can have so many benefits.
15:45It can decrease your blood pressure.
15:47It can enhance your immune system functioning.
15:49And overall, it just puts you in a better mood.
15:51Oh, my gosh.
15:52Look at that wave.
15:53We should try and catch something like that.
15:55For Kelly, this might involve going in the ocean.
15:57But for someone else, it might be going for a hike or just a walk around the block.
16:01It's all about taking time to disconnect, be in nature, and be in the present moment.
16:12When we started talking to Sabrina and Jen, I never would have guessed that going in the ocean in a witsuit was part of the plan.
16:22And I was definitely apprehensive.
16:25But I had so much more fun boogie boarding than I thought I would.
16:30That was actually so fun.
16:32Yes.
16:33Are you going to be a beach bum from now on?
16:34I don't know.
16:35I need to do this more often.
16:37Yes.
16:38I did not think I would see this side of Kelly today.
16:41I'm excited for Kelly to translate this sense of fun and spontaneity into her life going forward.
16:47I feel blissed out.
16:49Do you wish that you were cleaning instead right now?
16:51No.
16:53Me neither.
16:57All right, so while the girls are boogie boarding, we're going to get to boogie on the cleaning.
17:02So I think Kelly did a good job with her baby steps.
17:06And I know because I am Kelly in my house, maintaining the house while working and being a mom is stressful.
17:12So I want you to sort of get into a routine of helping a little bit more of the things that drive her crazy so she doesn't have to do it.
17:18Sure.
17:19Even though having the house tidy is less of a priority for Andrew, him not sharing any of the responsibilities is creating a lose-lose situation for Kelly.
17:27Because her only two options are accepting the mess or taking time away from her family to clean.
17:32What do you think, like, spots sort of on a daily basis stress her out?
17:36It really starts at the front door.
17:38Yeah.
17:39We come in with the kids from the playground or the beach.
17:41We take everything off.
17:42There's sandy clothes.
17:43Right.
17:44And we just sort of shower out there and leave them to dry.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Until, say, somehow get cleaned up.
17:50Yes, by Kelly.
17:51Probably.
17:52Probably.
17:53So maybe you could take that on.
17:54That's probably one area where I could maybe take a baby step.
17:59Can we go out there now?
18:00Sure.
18:01Let's see what this is.
18:02Yeah, I can see how this could create some stress coming home from the grocery store and seeing this.
18:07Yeah.
18:08The key is finding simple things that Andrew can do to pitch in and then sticking to those responsibilities on a daily basis.
18:14So this is how it normally is?
18:15Yeah, perfect towel drying rack.
18:17I don't think that's what it's more.
18:19So maybe we can clean this up before they get back from boogie boarding.
18:22We?
18:23That's like me and you.
18:24Yeah, that's right.
18:25Okay.
18:26This is a team effort.
18:27All right, all right, all right.
18:28Kelly doesn't want to walk to the front door of her house and immediately be welcomed with clutter.
18:33That's just going to put her in a bad mood.
18:35So I want Andrew to understand, sometimes it's not about how much you clean.
18:38It's about being consistent so your partner knows this is something you will always take care of.
18:42What other areas do you think in the house we could pass through?
18:44The kitchen for sure.
18:45Okay.
18:46I do almost all the cooking in the house.
18:48And...
18:49You like to cook, not clean.
18:50I guess that's true.
18:51Yeah.
18:52And eat.
18:53Right.
18:54Cook, eat, no clean.
18:55All right, let's go over there.
18:56I like cooking with a lot of fruits and vegetables.
18:58Yeah.
18:59So I ended up leaving a lot of the fruits and vegetables out over there to ripen.
19:03So how would she normally want to have it?
19:05She would normally want to make sure everything is tightly in the bowl.
19:10But why don't you just put it in the bowl when you get home from the grocery store?
19:14I just think it's not really a big deal.
19:17We have to meet in the middle.
19:19It's like I don't need you to make everything perfect.
19:21With two kids, there's no chance the house can always be perfect.
19:24But it's all about balance.
19:26If Andrew does a little more, that means Kelly gets to do a little less.
19:30And that means they all get to spend more time together.
19:33I have to head back upstairs.
19:34I also saw some of your clothes here on the chair.
19:36So maybe you could put these away too.
19:38What do I do if I get a little cold?
19:40You get them out of your closet.
19:41Okay, Sabrina.
19:42I know, I know.
19:43Grab your stuff because you guys aren't staying here tonight.
19:45I have to finish the rooms.
19:47Okay, exciting.
19:48Awesome.
19:49This is gonna be fun.
19:50Even though we're not dealing with a ton of mess in these two rooms,
19:52there's still a lot of work to do to get ready for tomorrow.
19:55We're completely switching the functionality of these two rooms.
19:58I got a new rug so we could take this one out.
20:02I understand Kelly.
20:03I couldn't imagine releasing control to let somebody redo my space.
20:10So I hope she's gonna like it.
20:12But honestly, with people who love to be in control, you just never know.
20:16Oh my gosh.
20:21Cheers.
20:25Ah.
20:26That was so nice.
20:27So relaxing.
20:28I mean, you know, once you get here, it's all worth it.
20:31Yeah.
20:32I feel like that's the thing.
20:33It's just like leaving the house.
20:34Right.
20:35And like leaving all of that behind.
20:36Right.
20:37And going like the dish will be there when you get back.
20:40That thought has never crossed my mind.
20:42But I think the point is like being out in the waves, you have to relinquish control, right?
20:46It's the ocean.
20:47And I feel like it's kind of scary, but there's something also so freeing and letting go.
20:54Definitely.
20:56I would say that there are definitely controlled parts to my personality.
21:00And I think also just having little kids.
21:03I probably try to control things that I can because so much of my life is not in my control.
21:10But when I first met Andrew, I was probably a little bit more spontaneous and I can jump in the ocean more often.
21:17And we could probably remember a little bit more of the pre-mom Kelly.
21:22Yeah.
21:23And bring her back.
21:24She's in there.
21:25She's fun.
21:26A little bit.
21:27She's ready to play.
21:28In the beginning, I was a little bit concerned that Sabrina and Jen were trying to change who I am in my core.
21:33But I realize now they're just bringing out a little bit of me that was already in there and help me have a little bit more fun in life and enjoy my family a little bit more.
21:44I found you guys.
21:46Come join our beach picnic.
21:47This is amazing.
21:48So much fun.
21:49How is organizing?
21:50Well, I have good news.
21:52Andrew did the dishes, fixed the front porch.
21:54There's no towels, no laundry.
21:56Wow.
21:57And I think I'm going to buy a wetsuit tonight.
21:59Really?
22:00Yeah, it was a blast.
22:01We are changing people's lives.
22:02I never in a million years thought that you were going to get her in the water, let alone say that she's going to start boogie boarding.
22:08That is the magic of going beyond the mess.
22:11I've already made a lot of progress, too, in the room.
22:13So will you come back with me to finish up?
22:15A hundred percent.
22:16Let's go.
22:17All right.
22:18Enjoy.
22:19Enjoy the last day we stand inside.
22:20Soak it in.
22:21Oh.
22:22Am I allowed to change out of my wetsuit before we go back to the food?
22:24I'll allow it.
22:25Okay, good.
22:26Okay, so are we ready?
22:27Yes.
22:28Oh, you did the combo?
22:30I want to have a couple stuffed animals in the ball pit.
22:31Just as like, you know, you can break the rules.
22:32Yeah.
22:33Let's break all the rules.
22:34Life is crazy sometimes.
22:35I am positive that Andrew, laid back surfer guy that he is, is going to love whatever we've
22:41done.
22:42Kelly, I'm still not so sure.
22:43I'm feeling so excited to see what Jen and Sabrina have done with our house.
22:44But I'm, of course, nervous because I'm a very particular person.
22:45And change is always going to happen.
22:46I'm feeling so excited to see what Jen and Sabrina have done with our house.
22:51But I'm, of course, nervous because I'm a very particular person and change is always
22:52hard.
22:53I guess that's the part that maybe makes me a little nervous.
22:54Welcome home.
22:55Hello.
22:56Hello.
22:57Hello.
22:58Hi.
22:59Hi.
23:00Hi.
23:01Hi.
23:02Hi.
23:03Hi.
23:04Hi.
23:05Hi.
23:06Hi.
23:07Hi.
23:08Hi.
23:09Hi.
23:10Hi.
23:11Hi.
23:12Hi.
23:13Hi.
23:15Hi.
23:16Hi.
23:17Hi.
23:18Hi.
23:19Hi.
23:20Hi.
23:21Hi.
23:22Hi.
23:23Hi.
23:24How are you guys feeling?
23:25All the feelings.
23:26Okay, we got one.
23:27Actually, you know what?
23:28I have a little surprise for you and your sister in the living room.
23:31You want to see it?
23:32Even though Kelly and Andrew want us to focus on the office and playroom, in the interest
23:36of helping Kelly continue to make baby steps, we have a pre-revealed surprise.
23:41What do you think?
23:42Is that your own easel vibe?
23:44Kelly, I know you're probably like, what?
23:47Actually, it looks like kids live here, right?
23:49Mm-hmm.
23:50I think it's great.
23:51Yeah.
23:52Listen, they want to be around us.
23:53They've got a place for their toys, but they're not all over the place.
23:55If you notice, there are bins of toys in here, too.
23:58They're very small bins.
24:03And they're organized.
24:04So you're okay with it?
24:05You know, having some toys out here, maybe they'll be a little more well-behaved while
24:11we can be cooking or having a glass of wine.
24:14And if you want to have a fancy dinner party or like a cocktail hour, these fold and you
24:19can put them right underneath the sofa.
24:21Maybe I should take back what I said in the beginning about wanting it to look like kids
24:24don't live here because clearly they do and we love them so much.
24:29Okay, will you guys play and draw some stuff while I show Mommy and Daddy their new office space?
24:35Okay?
24:36Draw me a pretty picture.
24:37I'm okay with them having some baskets and their art easels.
24:41And I'm so happy that Kelly and I are now on the same page and have found a way to let them live
24:47their lives and control the mess a little bit.
24:50Can't wait to see what you guys draw.
24:52I bet you guys can't wait to see the room.
24:53Can't wait.
24:54Let's go.
24:55All right.
24:56Kelly is particular.
24:58She's going to have some opinions about what we've done.
25:00Here we go.
25:01Ready?
25:02Oh, yes.
25:03Can I hold your hand?
25:04Sure.
25:05I don't know how this is going to go.
25:11Oh, my God.
25:16Oh, my God.
25:19I love it.
25:20Oh, my God.
25:26Is this what you were expecting?
25:29So much better.
25:30So much better.
25:32Everything.
25:37Like, every little detail.
25:39Oh, my gosh.
25:40And can you believe it's the same bed from before?
25:42The colors.
25:43It doesn't even look anything.
25:44Can you believe it?
25:45Yeah.
25:46People often don't realize how easy it is to take a piece you already own and just freshen
25:50it up by restyling it.
25:51Everything is styled with textures, very calming colors, and often adding those little details
25:58like throw pillows or decorative blanket can really elevate a room's vibe and purpose.
26:02Oh, my God.
26:03This desk setup is perfect.
26:05So now you have your own desk, all of your office accessories, everything is nice and organized.
26:14The most important thing that we did in the downstairs room was we gave Kelly her own separate toy-free space where she can work.
26:23Distraction-free and clutter-free.
26:26Oh, my God.
26:27And your moms aren't there, too.
26:29Oh!
26:30Obviously, we wanted to have, you know, the stuff that was meaningful to you.
26:33Wow.
26:34When my family comes to visit, they'll be very comfier.
26:36I was definitely scared.
26:37I was feeling like it might not be up to my taste, but I'm thrilled with what they came up with.
26:47I am so hard to please.
26:49And you guys did it.
26:50No.
26:51Like, I am completely flabbergasted at how perfect this is.
26:55You have your own space now, and Kelly, you deserve it.
26:58I think it's great that Kelly has a place that she's the only one who needs to come in here.
27:02Oh, my gosh.
27:03And you can have her work set up, have quiet.
27:05Now this room is yours.
27:06You can keep it as you like.
27:07I'm just in awe.
27:08I'm so relieved that Kelly's loving everything so far, but I have no idea how she's going
27:12to feel about the girls' playroom.
27:14Girls!
27:15You ready?
27:17Compared to how the playroom was before, there's actually a lot more stuff in it now.
27:23So I'm just hoping she's going to be okay with that.
27:26Let's go, guys.
27:28Wow.
27:29Oh, my.
27:30Oh, my gosh.
27:31Look at this, girls.
27:32What?
27:33That's the biggest bear I've ever seen in my whole life.
27:35I know.
27:36He's cozy.
27:37Yay!
27:38It's so much more than I ever imagined.
27:42I'm ecstatic.
27:43I'm ecstatic.
27:44Cowboy hat.
27:45Yeah!
27:46You can hang like costumes over here.
27:47We've got a lot of hair and stuff in the morning.
27:48I'm so excited.
27:49I'm so excited.
27:50I'm so excited.
27:51Oh, my gosh.
27:52Oh, my gosh.
27:53Look at this, girls.
27:54What?
27:55That's the biggest bear I've ever seen in my whole life.
27:56I know.
27:57He's cozy.
27:58Yay!
27:59so much more than I ever imagined.
28:06I'm ecstatic.
28:08Cowboy hat!
28:10Yes!
28:11You can hang, like, costumes over here.
28:14We wanted to make sure that costumes were also highlighted in the space.
28:17Oh, and there's a mirror, so you can, like, try on your costumes and then see.
28:21I know it bothered you a lot, Kelly, when the girls would just dump it out.
28:24Yeah.
28:25It'd be a big pile on the floor.
28:26Now they're displayed.
28:27Very important.
28:28Um, so we're...
28:29No, you got it down.
28:33It is easy.
28:34I love how they each have their own spaces, so they don't need to fight over things.
28:40Girls, those are your separate hooks.
28:42Hang what you want.
28:43Don't touch each other's stuff.
28:45In addition to the hanging costumes, we elevated the costume storage by adding pink underbed boxes.
28:51They're easy for the girls to find and easy for them to just tuck away when they're done playing.
28:55Those bookcases are so incredible.
28:57It turns.
28:58So you can easily find the books you want.
29:00There's just so many books on there that it's a little heavy.
29:03Yeah.
29:04Oh, my gosh.
29:05This is so much easier for them.
29:06We can group them by categories.
29:07Yeah, you can categorize them.
29:08You can organize the books.
29:09You can organize the books.
29:10Yep.
29:11There's like a gymnastics mat under the rug, guys.
29:14So it was really important for us to put the floor tiles here, not only because I know the girls love gymnastics and having a really soft place to just play.
29:24But for you, if anything ever gets torn or ripped, you just pop one tile out and you put the next one in.
29:30I love the padding on the floor and, you know, part of playing is being sweet and quiet. Part of playing is tumbling around and it's great for that.
29:39Look it.
29:40You've been climbing the balls.
29:41Get in there.
29:42Oh, my gosh.
29:43What do you think?
29:44Oh, my gosh.
29:46I'm picking the ball in.
29:51The balls are going to get everywhere.
29:52You don't have to fall around and, like, pick them back up.
29:55We can let this room hopefully be messy.
29:58You know, and girls, what's so nice about this new space, it's all yours.
30:02And since Mama's desk isn't here anymore, you don't have to keep it clean all the time.
30:07Oh, what do you think?
30:09We're so happy.
30:10Come on.
30:11Yes.
30:12We're so happy you can make a mess this year.
30:13Make a mess.
30:14That's what it's for.
30:16It's pretty perfect.
30:17They've never had a place in the house that's just theirs.
30:20They can do whatever they want with it.
30:22And if I need to, I can close the door.
30:24Jen and I are so proud of you just taking the baby steps.
30:28You've made such progress just in the days that we've been here.
30:32Kelly really seems like a changed woman.
30:34I can see she's made some real steps to allow a little bit more mess around the house.
30:38And that's really inspired me to maybe take a few baby steps as well.
30:42So whether it's the throw pillow, whether it's this room, just remember, you know, it's okay to let go a little bit.
30:48A lot of this process is about letting go.
30:51Yes.
30:52Letting go of control, letting go of stuff.
30:55Yeah.
30:56The whole house doesn't have to be tidy for you to have fun.
30:59When you get stressed, go to the beach, get a little sandy.
31:02That was great.
31:03I learned through this process that it's good to find the balance between cleaning and having fun.
31:09And both can happen and both should happen.
31:12And I'm happy for that change.
31:14All right.
31:15You guys enjoy your space.
31:16Thank you again for letting us think come in.
31:20Bye guys.
31:21Playing the new playroom a little bit.
31:23Let's play.
31:25Are you ready to meet Sherry, our next client?
31:35Yeah.
31:36This morning, I'm lucky I made it out of the house.
31:39Why? What happened?
31:40It was just like chaos.
31:42Olivia's breakfast, lunch.
31:43She didn't make her bed.
31:45I was almost late to work because I was cleaning.
31:48I read about how parents pick up and tidy after their kids like 28 times a week on average.
31:53It's way more than that.
31:55I probably pick up after 28 times a day.
31:57Are you average though?
31:58Oh, right.
32:02But can you imagine how often Sherry has to pick up after her kids?
32:06She runs a daycare center from her house and she has five kids of her own.
32:09That's like 28 times an hour.
32:11That's a lot.
32:16My name is Sherry.
32:17I'm a single mother of five kids and I run my daycare here in my home.
32:20How are you?
32:21How are you?
32:22This space is pretty chaotic at times.
32:25Okay.
32:26I try to create a clean space that's neat and tidy.
32:30But I would say it's definitely a challenge.
32:39It's kind of an eyesore to have a pack and play in the middle of like where you're trying to watch TV.
32:45I think I'm doing a good job balancing it all.
32:49However, I always feel this pull to try to please my own kids while at the same time serving the daycare kids.
32:56I need to get help from Sabrina and Jen.
32:59I would like my kids to be proud of the space while at the daycare to feel like they'd be proud of coming in here to learn every day.
33:06All right.
33:07Sherry said to meet her in the back because the kids are back there.
33:09Oh, yay.
33:10We get to see the kids.
33:11So exciting.
33:12Whether you have a full house like Sherry or you run a business out of your home, it's really easy to get overwhelmed trying to organize your space.
33:24We're a cute neighborhood.
33:25Yeah.
33:26When you're managing a space that has two separate functions, it's really important to find a method that allows for practicality and simplicity.
33:33And that's where we come in.
33:35I know you want to be in my lap too.
33:37Hello.
33:38Hi, Sherry.
33:39Hi.
33:40Hello.
33:41Yes.
33:42Say hello.
33:43Hi.
33:44How long have you had this daycare for seven years?
33:46I started my daycare after the death of my dad and the layoff under my professional job.
33:51I wanted to stay at home with the kids and also get back to my community.
33:54You have kids of your own as well.
33:56Yeah, I do.
33:57Like in addition to the daycare.
33:58Yes, I do range in age 17, 17, 16, 13, and 8.
34:01You have your hands full.
34:03We do.
34:04It's a non-stop go, go, go.
34:06It's always something to do.
34:08I only have one daughter and sometimes I feel like I'm overwhelmed.
34:12I couldn't imagine running a daycare with eight infants and having five kids.
34:16That's a lot.
34:17What space do you need help with?
34:19I need help with my family room and daycare inside.
34:21Okay, can we take a look?
34:22Yeah, let's go.
34:23The kids.
34:24We'll be right back, okay?
34:25Okay, guys.
34:27She just gives, gives, gives.
34:29So I'm so excited we're able to give back to her.
34:31Let's put all the stars back in the bucket.
34:34Is it through here?
34:35Yep, right through here.
34:37Whoa.
34:48Is it through here?
34:49Yep, right through here.
34:50Whoa.
34:51Whoa.
34:54All right.
34:55Kid stuff.
34:56Welcome, welcome, welcome.
34:58What is this room considered?
35:00So this is our mud room, but it's supposed to be my office.
35:05Your office?
35:06Your office.
35:07Yeah.
35:08This is your office.
35:09This is my office.
35:10Sherry.
35:11I know.
35:12In the process of taking care of everyone else, sometimes it's like, I'm kind of put to the
35:14bottom of the to-do list.
35:15Yeah.
35:16This is where you like do paperwork?
35:17Where?
35:18As long as I kind of like sit like wherever I can.
35:21When I was researching my book, I found a lot of stuff about the benefits of a messy desk.
35:26People like Einstein, for example.
35:28Very messy.
35:29But Sherry doesn't even have a desk where she can be messy.
35:31There's not even a place for her to sit.
35:33So this is all like paperwork that you need.
35:35The files will hide you.
35:36It has all of our kids' personal items.
35:38So these are your business files.
35:39Yeah.
35:40Okay.
35:41In and around.
35:42Business and personal.
35:43Maybe unfinished projects.
35:44Like, I have a basket up here of like art projects that I was doing.
35:48And then this is like mail and things like that, that I've attempted to go through, but
35:51I haven't got a chance to finish.
35:53Oh, we've all got baskets like this.
35:54Yeah.
35:55When you're working with a tiny space that has to hold a lot of items, it can get really
35:59tricky to figure out where to store things.
36:01And if you're somebody like Sherry who works from home and has to organize a lot of paperwork,
36:05a good tip is to use a scanning app on your phone.
36:07You can scan all the important paperwork that you don't necessarily have to physically hold
36:11onto and then just keep the ones that must stay.
36:14Would you like to keep this your office?
36:15Like, I have to share every space in the house.
36:17So it's like my little zen space.
36:20But I would like to be able to sit here and actually take care of business in this area as well.
36:25And this space would be just for you?
36:27Just for me in the perfect world.
36:28Okay, great.
36:29Can we look at the main room?
36:30Yeah, let's go.
36:31I like zen room better than mud room, I have to admit.
36:34It's big.
36:36This room's massive.
36:37Welcome to my humble abode.
36:38So this is a daycare space?
36:40Yes.
36:41This is our breakfast nook slash play space, our art table.
36:46We have those cubbies right behind you guys.
36:48That's where we store our daycare kids stuff during the day.
36:50Yep.
36:51This also doubles as my coffee table.
36:54Oh my goodness.
36:55Terry.
36:56You know I love a multi-functional piece of furniture.
36:59But I think we could do better than a daycare table doubling as a coffee table.
37:03What's happening with the desk area?
37:06Well, we have my computer here, even though my office is down there.
37:10Then we have our sections here for learning.
37:13So we have like puzzles, manipulatives, blocks.
37:17Oh yeah, there's all kinds of stuff.
37:19Mm-hmm.
37:20Do your kids play sports?
37:21There's all these trophies here.
37:22Yes.
37:23We're a track family.
37:24Nice.
37:25That's awesome.
37:26We run track, we play football, basketball.
37:27You name it, we do it.
37:28You too?
37:29You run?
37:30Well, years ago.
37:31Okay.
37:32I don't currently run, but I run after them.
37:34That's right.
37:35You do run?
37:36I do.
37:37Do you get any help from the kids for tidying?
37:39Like how are they with helping?
37:40Yeah, are the kids helpful?
37:41I think all of them try to be helpful in their own right.
37:44But then it all falls back on me to figure it all out.
37:47Do you feel like the daycare stuff is sort of overwhelming the personal stuff?
37:51Definitely.
37:52Oh my goodness.
37:53Yeah, that's my biggest problem is trying to combine the daycare and my personal life.
37:58Because when I first opened the daycare, all the kids were little.
38:00So it kind of all kind of blended together.
38:02But now that the children are getting older, I feel so guilty because my kids don't really
38:06have a space in this space because they're not comfortable in this space anymore.
38:09So they voiced that concern to you?
38:11Definitely.
38:12We see this dynamic a lot.
38:14Tensions can really start to build when you've got a shared space and there's one person
38:18or a group of people that start kind of taking over and then everyone else just feels
38:22pushed to the side.
38:23And Sherry's kids resenting the daycare is just an extreme version of that.
38:26This room has gotten away from you just because you're growing your business.
38:31The kids are growing.
38:32Yeah.
38:33You're super busy.
38:34And there's just a lot of stuff that has to be in here.
38:36We need to find a way to give the kids a space that's designated just for them in the living
38:41room so they have a feeling of ownership so they don't feel like they're just living in
38:44a daycare.
38:45But you watch TV here with the kids too?
38:47Yes, and we can.
38:48The problem is that we don't have enough room for everyone to sit down.
38:51So sometimes I'll just sit on the floor.
38:54You sit on the floor?
38:55I just let them have the couch and I'll just sit on the floor.
38:58Everything you're doing is selfless.
39:00Yeah, that's kind of like my heart is just always to help others and so that's kind of
39:05my why.
39:06That I feel bad that I can't make everyone happy.
39:09I know, but you're going to.
39:10You are.
39:11And we're going to make you happy.
39:12I'm so excited.
39:13As a mom, you often feel guilty about so many things and you always feel like you cannot
39:18do enough for your kids.
39:19So I'm so elated that finally I'm about to get some support that I need.
39:24One of the things that we love to do, especially in a space like this where there's so many
39:28people using it for so many different purposes, is if it's okay with you, we put in surveillance
39:33cameras.
39:34We'll just take a little look at how you operate in the space, how your kids operate in the space.
39:38Great.
39:39Because when we can visually see how all 14 people use this space, we'll be able to come
39:43up with better solutions that are customized for you.
39:46Sure.
39:47So that's okay?
39:48Yeah.
39:49Great.
39:50And then we'll come back tomorrow and this place is going to start coming together.
39:52I'm so excited.
39:53It's been a long time since I've met someone as deserving as Sherry is, which is why it's
39:58really important for us to get the space to work for her.
40:01And it's not going to be easy because this needs to be a multifunctional space where Sherry can
40:05run her daycare, her kids can feel at home, and Sherry has a place where she can relax.
40:09Thank you so much.
40:14Yeah, that's a lot of functionality for one space.
40:16We've got a lot of work to do.
40:18I'll see you tomorrow.
40:19Bye.
40:35Bye.
41:05Bye.
41:06Bye.
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