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Taskmaster NZ (2020) Season 6 Episode 9
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00:01Pull!
00:12Yes!
00:14Oh, ma'am.
00:16Au revoir!
00:20Yeah!
00:21Oh, no!
00:26Ah!
00:30Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:35My name's Jeremy Wells and I'm descended from a man named Giuseppe Wells, who invented the idea of giving things points.
00:46He raised a family of point-givers who eventually produced me, the greatest point-giver of them all.
00:55And thus, I was chosen to be the Taskmaster.
01:00We are just one episode away from finding out which of our five comedians will win this.
01:10A bust of my head made with asbestos and painted gold with 80% lead-free paint.
01:17But first, we have to find out who will win episode nine. So, let's get things started by introducing the comedians fighting for glory, or at least minimum embarrassment.
01:30It's Alice Neddin!
01:33Three-timer Sal!
01:35Jack Ansett!
01:37Jackie Van Beek!
01:40And Paxus Hardy!
01:42And as always to my left, he's the EA who's just okay.
01:48It's Paul Williams!
01:49What's the prize task tonight, Paul?
01:50Great question, Jeremy.
01:51Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that looks the most like them.
02:04Okay.
02:05Brie, let's start with you. What's the thing that looks the most like you?
02:08Well, Jeremy, I think we can all agree that matching DNA is very close.
02:16So, I brought in my dad.
02:19Aww.
02:23I don't know about you, Jeremy. I think we look pretty close.
02:26Did you just do this so you could make the show pay for your family member to come home from Australia by any chance?
02:32I have no idea what you're talking about, Jeremy.
02:35Jackie, what did you bring in?
02:36Jeremy, I was walking through a store a few weeks ago and came upon an object that literally took my breath away.
02:44It was like looking in the mirror.
02:45I can show you now.
02:47I mean, not only the physical form, I think.
02:53But also, I do have a kind of emanating light that comes from my palm.
02:58When people are around me, they say they see my head kind of glowing with ideas.
03:02And so, I think spiritually and physically, the perfect match.
03:07It does look like you would voice that character in an animated film.
03:11Yeah.
03:12Pax, what have you brought in?
03:14Jeremy, baby, I really struggled with this prize task.
03:18I told my family I need to bring in something that looks like me.
03:20And my eight-year-old ran into her bedroom and she brought out her lion stuffed toy.
03:27And I thought she was bang on.
03:29And I said, can Daddy take that to the show?
03:31And she said, what will happen to it?
03:32And I said, well, if Daddy loses, which is highly likely, the other contestants will have to take it.
03:38And she said, no, Dad, I really would like it if you didn't, because that was a gift from Grandma.
03:43So, I've brought in this.
03:45Yeah, I waited till she went to school and I stole it from her bedroom and...
03:50So, you're putting so little effort into the prize task now, Pax, that you're outsourcing it to your kids.
03:55Yeah. I do still think it resembles me quite closely.
03:59Certainly hairy.
04:01Sometimes the most obvious things are the best things.
04:04Sometimes. Not in this case, but sometimes they are.
04:07Alice, what did you bring in?
04:09You know, I'm a tall person. I'm 5'10".
04:11Gun to my head, 5'9".
04:13But, um...
04:15I recently noticed that I'm out of proportion.
04:18So, I'm all torso.
04:20Like, look at me on this chair right now.
04:21Yeah.
04:22I'm like a head taller than everybody else.
04:24My legs are actually tiny and my arms are actually pretty small and my back's very wide.
04:29So, naturally, I look like a frog.
04:35Just to get the point home, I've done a side-by-side.
04:43That is sexy. That is sexy.
04:45That's very, yeah.
04:46Wow.
04:47That's spot on.
04:48Yeah.
04:49Jack, what have you brought in?
04:50I constantly get compared to this one person, like all the time.
04:54People are always like, oh my god, you look like this guy, right?
04:57This guy, right?
04:58Here he is.
04:59Yeah.
05:01We get it all the time.
05:02He's even here.
05:03Let's bring him out.
05:04We get it all the time.
05:06Holy hell.
05:07It's uncanny.
05:09Oh, speaking of all torsos.
05:13The resemblance is crazy.
05:16I was so worried that you'd brought in David Bain.
05:18Me too.
05:19I was terrified.
05:20Yeah.
05:22Wow.
05:24Alice, I'll be honest, he was not available.
05:28I think we can get a few of the side-by-side comparisons.
05:30That's going to help me judge, to be honest.
05:31Oh, no.
05:32Can we have a look?
05:33Oh, here we go.
05:35Okay.
05:36It's clear.
05:37Jack, one point.
05:38He said he was a bit nervous about coming on the show because he's on his bulking off-season.
05:43So am I.
05:47Pax, two points for you.
05:48There's a similarity there with the hairiness, but that's about where it stops.
05:52Now, Brie, that's freakily similar, but I think three points for you.
05:58Four points for Jackie Van Beek.
06:02Old and waxy, much like the candelabra.
06:06And that's freaky, Alice.
06:09Five points for Alice Sneddon.
06:14Alright, I'm ready for the first task of the show, Paul.
06:16You got it, Jeremy.
06:17Not too hot, not too cold.
06:19This task is just right.
06:27Hi, Paul.
06:28Hello, Brie.
06:29Ooh, Goldilocks.
06:32Goldilocks.
06:34Paul, do you like Goldilocks?
06:36I always felt like she was a bit of a bitch to the three bears.
06:39Like, it's their house.
06:40Yeah.
06:42Pick the right one.
06:43The right one will have a bear in it.
06:46Most bears found wins.
06:48You get one guess per section.
06:50You may not touch the items in any way.
06:53Great.
06:54Okay, your time starts now.
06:55Right, I'm ready to see some contestants.
07:00Try to find some bears, Paul.
07:02It's mama bear, papa bear and baby bear.
07:05And it's up to you to decide who is who.
07:07It's Alice, Brie and Pax.
07:09I feel like this bowl's too big.
07:11This bowl's too small.
07:12This one's just right.
07:14I think it's that one.
07:15I'm gonna go this one.
07:16Big boy.
07:18Come on, Paul.
07:20This is not the right porridge.
07:21It feels like a bear.
07:22There is a bear in the porridge.
07:25There is a bear in the porridge.
07:28It's a good batch.
07:29Yeah, you like a little rolled oats, you little bitch.
07:33That seems unnecessary.
07:34Fair enough.
07:35So where's the bear in this situation?
07:37In the upholstery?
07:38Is there anything on the bottom?
07:39Nothing on the bottom now, I can see.
07:41Let's go little guy.
07:42That one.
07:43I'm gonna go that one.
07:46Paul?
07:47There's no bear in the chair.
07:48The chair does not contain a bear.
07:49Well, I'm gonna pick that one.
07:50Cause I can see the GoPro and I'm just hoping that
07:52is indicative of something.
07:54That one.
07:55This one.
07:57There's no bear in the bed.
07:58In the bed.
07:59The bed does not contain a bear.
08:03There is a bear in the bed.
08:04Come on, Paul.
08:05Can I not touch the items in any way, but...
08:09Hope you feel really big.
08:13Red book.
08:14This little one.
08:15That one.
08:16Shit.
08:17There's no bear in here.
08:19The book does contain a bear.
08:21Too small.
08:22Too big.
08:23Just right.
08:24You're locking those.
08:25Lock it in.
08:26Then...
08:27Let's go little guy.
08:28Bull...
08:29sake.
08:30There is no bear in the shoes.
08:31The shoe contains a bear.
08:32What hat would you wear if you were part of the merry men?
08:33Gotta go feather.
08:34I mean...
08:35Fair enough.
08:36Could you do a jig for us, Paul?
08:38It did make me merry.
08:39Made me merry.
08:40There.
08:41Lock it in.
08:42Don't talk to me.
08:43Don't look at me.
08:44Don't touch me.
08:45That one.
08:46That one.
08:47Let's go with little guy.
08:48That one.
08:49Lock in the slipper.
08:50That one.
08:51Yeah.
08:52It's got to go feather.
08:53I mean...
08:54Fair enough.
08:55Could you do a jig for us, Paul?
08:56It did make me merry.
08:57Made me merry.
08:58There.
08:59Lock it in.
09:00Don't talk to me.
09:01Don't look at me.
09:02Don't touch me.
09:03That one.
09:04That one.
09:05This one.
09:06For sake.
09:07The hat contains a bear.
09:08I am the best person in the world.
09:10In what?
09:11Finding small toy bears.
09:13Let's go with little guy.
09:14Lock in the slipper.
09:16There is a bear in the boot.
09:17There is a bear in the slipper.
09:19There is no bear in the boot.
09:21We ended on a win.
09:22And what do we do when we end on a win, Paul?
09:30Thank you, Pax.
09:31Thanks, man.
09:31Thanks, Paul.
09:35The right one.
09:37What?
09:38The right one will have a bear in it.
09:44Alice, just a wee bit too late figuring that out.
09:49That has to be frustrating.
09:50Yeah, that was excruciating.
09:53So often I would go into these tasks and go,
09:55go on with a good attitude.
09:57Be light and breezy.
09:58Read the thing.
09:59Pay attention.
10:00Everything will go all right.
10:01And then the minute I see Paul,
10:03I just go into a completely different zone.
10:06At one point you said to Paul,
10:07you like a little role though, you little bitch.
10:10I'm just observing what I see in front of me.
10:15So the three of you sort of went with the Pax Asati
10:18strategy of just vibing it out.
10:20Yeah.
10:21It was real frustrating.
10:22And you guys got so many bears though.
10:25Yeah, my vibes were good that day.
10:27Well, at one point you thought you were the best person
10:29in the world.
10:30Yeah.
10:32I still think that.
10:34How do we go in terms of the amount of bears?
10:36Bree, two out of seven.
10:38Alice, one out of seven.
10:41Pax, five out of seven.
10:43Wow.
10:44What the heck?
10:46Join us after the break for more frustrating
10:49last minute realizations.
10:50For example, I could have picked anyone else
10:53to be my assistant, but now it's too late
10:55to do anything about it.
10:57See you after this.
11:08Welcome back to Taskmaster, the show that tricks its contestants
11:16with fiendish puzzles based on wildly complicated ideas
11:20like left and right.
11:22That's right, Jeremy.
11:23So far, we've asked three of our contestants
11:26to point to the right thing.
11:28Up next, it's Goldilocks and the one brunette.
11:31Hold on, so pick the right one.
11:33Oh, see, I thought it was a clue, like the right one.
11:36Is it always the right one?
11:38That is something that you would do.
11:40That is definitely something you would do.
11:41Pick the right one.
11:42Could be a double bluff.
11:44Pick the right one.
11:44Well, I'm not going to do that, or am I?
11:48I'm just going to commit, I reckon,
11:50and do all of the right ones.
11:51I'm just going to go that one, actually.
11:54Porridge contains a bear.
11:56OK, I'm just going to see if my theory is correct.
11:59I'm going to guess this chair.
12:04Yes!
12:05There's a bear!
12:06There is a bear in the chair.
12:09That's interesting.
12:10This one has staples all round.
12:13It has been quite tidily kind of stapled up.
12:16I'm going to go this one.
12:18There is no bear in the chair.
12:22I accuse this of having a bear in it.
12:24The bear could be hidden anywhere.
12:26This is just a guess.
12:28This is a game for idiots.
12:30Yes!
12:31There is a bear in the bed.
12:32I am a genius.
12:33I am a genius.
12:34I'm going to go baby bear.
12:36Oh, man.
12:37There is no bear in the bed.
12:41Sorry, Jackie.
12:42The right book, the right book.
12:44The world of the children, because I love children.
12:47Yes!
12:49The book does not contain a bear.
12:52I accuse these Doc Martens of having the bear in them.
12:57So it's this one.
12:59The shoes do not contain a bear.
13:02OK, the issue I'm having is that there's no logic, OK?
13:05I'm somebody that kind of likes a pattern.
13:07I like a logic.
13:08There's no logic to where the bears are hidden.
13:11I mean, that one.
13:15I accuse this cowboy hat.
13:18Yes!
13:19Yes!
13:20Yes!
13:20The hat contains a bear.
13:25That one.
13:26I'm going this one.
13:27Finally, this slipper.
13:31Yes!
13:32There is a bear in the boot.
13:34Well, it's safe to say I nailed that, eh?
13:36Mm-hmm.
13:37So what have I learned?
13:38I've learned that there's no logic, no thoughts gone into the preparation of this task, clearly.
13:43It's a task for idiots.
13:49So, you figured it out, you then were immediately proven correct, and then you immediately chose the wrong chair.
13:58Oh, I think I worked it out, and then I thought, it's a double bluff, and then I forgot to check the old theory of the right one,
14:06and I completely went from my mind, and I just went by spinning madly in a field.
14:11Well, you said it yourself.
14:12This is a task for idiots.
14:16I'm scared to say this, Jack, but well done.
14:19Oh, thank you.
14:20That was good.
14:21Good on you, man.
14:22That was really good, Jack.
14:23I think the best thing to do is just nod and say thanks.
14:26Oh, yeah, that's what I'm doing.
14:28I'm just, yeah, keeping a little note.
14:30So, let's have a look at the scoring, then, in terms of bears.
14:34Jack, seven out of seven.
14:35Jack, seven out of seven.
14:36Jacky, three out of seven.
14:37Not bad.
14:38You should have got seven, but anyway.
14:39I know.
14:40So, that means one point for Alice, two points for Brie, three points for Jacky, four points for Pax, and five points for Jack Anset.
14:47Okay.
14:50So, how is the scoreboard looking?
14:53Cool.
14:54Incredibly tight.
14:55Three of them are on six, with a one point lead on seven, Jacky Van Beek.
15:02Should we do a series score update?
15:04It's very tight between four of our contestants.
15:08And Pax is having a lot of fun.
15:11I'm just happy to be here.
15:13Out in first on 136, Jacky Van Beek.
15:16Yay!
15:18Right.
15:19Okay.
15:20I'm ready for another task, Paul.
15:22Yes, sir.
15:23Our first task was simple, but this one is elementary, my dear Wells.
15:28Hello Brie.
15:29Paul Williams.
15:30Hello Jack.
15:31No relation to Guy Williams?
15:32No.
15:33No.
15:34How are you?
15:35No.
15:36How are you?
15:37Sorry.
15:38Ooh.
15:39Uh-huh.
15:40Detective.
15:41It's a good look.
15:42Right way.
15:43Right way.
15:45Write and perform an original one minute scene to be included in an imagined musical about the life of Sherlock Holmes.
15:50Your scene must include a musical number and focus on his early childhood.
15:51and focus on his teenage years.
15:52No.
15:53I'm sorry.
15:54Oh.
15:55Uh-huh.
15:56Detective.
15:57It's a good look.
15:58Right way.
15:59Write and perform an original one minute scene to be included in an imagined musical about the life of Sherlock Holmes.
16:14Your scene must include a musical number and focus on his early childhood.
16:18And focus on his teenage years.
16:21On his years at university.
16:24On his life post-graduation.
16:26On his later years at death.
16:29You have one hour.
16:30Okay, your time starts now.
16:32You a big Sherlock Holmes fan?
16:33No.
16:34Like, was he a real person?
16:36No.
16:37This, I like.
16:41I look like Pakistani Gandalf.
16:43Maybe his parents, one of them was having an affair and he was the one who cracked the case.
16:50Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes.
16:55So much better when he did it.
16:57Watson, how could you deceive me?
17:02You dirty, dirty British piece of shit.
17:06Hex, do you think a British Sherlock Holmes would say to Watson, also British, do you think that he would call him a dirty, dirty British piece of shit?
17:21Well, in this imaginary world Sherlock Holmes is Pakistani.
17:24And so he would because, you know, 300 years ago they took us to their land to do work.
17:29And then they realised that was a bad idea because we have weak upper bodies and thin ankles.
17:35Right Paul, I am ready for Holmes, the musical.
17:38Curtains up, light the lights, it's opening night.
17:42Act one, here's his childhood through to his university days.
17:46It's Sherlock Holmes as performed by Brie, Jack and Jackie.
17:50Oh, Mom and Dad.
17:54Oh, I am sad.
17:56Cause I just found out some bad information.
18:00I saw Dad.
18:02With his golfing buddy Brad.
18:05But they were getting different types of hole-in-ones.
18:09How dare you, son?
18:12I was on a run.
18:14When I slipped and fell on top of my friend Brad.
18:18I have proof.
18:20What say you?
18:22To these photos of you and your friend Brad.
18:31I'm sorry, son.
18:33That can't have been fun.
18:36To find out this big secret about me.
18:40Actually, Dad, it felt great.
18:46And really gave me purpose in this world.
18:52Cause you were gay.
18:54Cause I was gay.
18:55I found my way.
18:56I found my way.
18:57I found my way.
18:58I found my way in this world because of you.
19:02Cause you were gay.
19:14Looking out the window, it's a Tuesday.
19:18I found my way.
19:19Stuck in my room.
19:20No friends to play.
19:22Pressure of the world off my shoulders.
19:24I don't wanna be a cop, mama.
19:25Already taught us.
19:26I don't wanna be Sherlock Holmes.
19:27Sherlock Holmes.
19:28Sherlock Holmes.
19:29Sherlock Holmes.
19:30Sherlock Holmes.
19:41Sherlock Holmes.
19:42Sherlock Holmes.
19:43I wanna work in the mines and make a decent wage.
19:47I don't wanna be in the song Maddy's Edge.
19:51I don't want to be Charlotte Combs
19:55Charlotte, punk school, Charlotte Combs
20:00I just want to be...
20:06..me.
20:16Oh!
20:21Tick-tock, tick-tock, I am a university professor
20:26Waiting for Sherlock Holmes
20:30All right, Gov, how do you wish to waste my time today, then?
20:36I read your exam. Yeah?
20:39Why do you answer every question
20:42With just another question?
20:47That's a good question, Gov.
20:51It's right
20:56I spend my life
21:00Asking who, what, when, where, how
21:05This is a turning point for me
21:10Go for it, Sherlock.
21:12Now, I may not make class today, sir
21:17In fact, I may not be back ever
21:19But thanks, yeah?
21:20What a journey through time
21:28Wow
21:29Okay
21:30There's a lot to unpack there
21:32So just to be clear, Bree
21:35His father was having a gay love affair with his best friend called Brad
21:39Yeah, his golf buddy Brad
21:41And he figured out he wanted to be a private investigator
21:44And he was snapped at a place called Gay Club
21:48Very popular back in the 80s
21:50So, Jack, you took over the teenage years
21:53And just to be clear, Sherlock Holmes wanted to earn a decent wage working in some mines
22:00Yeah, man
22:01It was Sherlock Holmes, homeschooled
22:05It was your classic reverse Billy Elliot
22:07Yeah
22:07Ah
22:08Why were you climbing through a window?
22:09So I was escaping into the skies
22:12And I said to Paul, I want you to make it that I'm flying through the sky
22:15But I don't think they had the editing budget
22:17And then Jackie, you were the only person who included dialogue in yours
22:21I was absolutely obsessed with musicals when I was younger
22:24I would spend all of my school holidays like listening to the cassette tape of Annie
22:28And then stopping it and writing down the words
22:30And then I'd perform the entire thing for my parents and their drunk friends
22:34I have to say, when I think of you, I think of musical theatre
22:36Do you?
22:37Yeah
22:37Amazing
22:38When I think of you, I think of candles
22:39Yeah
22:40Thank you
22:41Now, before we get into the second act of this musical
22:44It's time for a quick intermission
22:45So please go purchase an overpriced beverage
22:48Use the bathroom and then return for your seats
22:51We'll see you in a moment
22:54Thank you
23:06Welcome back to Taskmaster
23:08The show that asks the question
23:09What if you took something with the quality of poor high school musical
23:13And put it on the television
23:15The answer?
23:16Six seasons and counting, baby
23:17All right, Paul
23:18I'm ready for the grand conclusion of Sherlock Holmes the musical
23:22We've seen the classic story of Sherlock Holmes so far
23:27Raised by a gay father pining for the mines and dropping out of university
23:31Now it's time for the later years of Sherlock's life
23:35It's Pax Asadi and Alice Sneddon
23:41Job, job, job, job
23:43I need a job, job
23:45Job, job, job, job
23:46I need a job, job
23:48Watson, the officer will see you now
24:05Job, job, job, job, job
24:07I need a job, job
24:09I need a job, job
24:11Watson, the officer will see you now
24:19Job, job, job, job
24:20I hope he doesn't get my job
24:26Job, job, job, job, job
24:28I guess it's just a life of self-employment and independent contracting for me
24:41Good afternoon Holmes
24:42How are we feeling today?
24:44Elementary question Watson
24:46I'm dying
24:47I believe this paralysis didn't come on naturally
24:50Someone Watson
24:52Wants me dead
24:54The clues were there all along
24:57My good friend
24:59Every time you check my chart
25:01The poison slowly doing its work
25:04A jealousy fills your heart
25:07It's true I've always lived in your shadow
25:09Always the sidekick, never the star
25:12But now I'm afraid to say, dear Sherlock
25:14You've gone too far
25:18That's the cue to stop the music
25:20Thank you
25:21I knew it was you Watson
25:22No one will believe you
25:23Oh really?
25:24There's one thing you didn't count on my friend
25:28What's that?
25:29I'm actually a Kiwi bloke from New Zealand
25:34And everyone will believe me
25:36Because everyone around the world
25:37Loves and trusts New Zealanders for no particular reason
25:42Like Taika Waititi and Steven Adams
25:44And for a while Jacinda
25:45But then it went bad for her
25:47Kind of
25:47I'm not sure why
25:48It just did
25:49No, no, no
25:50Watson
25:50Don't
25:53Oh damn we
25:54How did I not see that coming?
25:56Alice and great lyrics there
26:10Job, job, job, job
26:12I need a job, job
26:15It's a catchy tune
26:16It is
26:16It's a really catchy tune
26:18Job, job, job, job
26:20I need a job, job
26:22There's something in it
26:23I will also say in Alice's defence
26:26The camera crew were singing that song for two months
26:31Pax, it's not often that you see West End performers with the lyrics in their hand
26:35I quite like the way you tried to make it relevant to a New Zealand audience
26:41I thought that was quite good
26:42Yeah, I knew that Kiwis sitting at home would see it
26:45I wanted them to feel seen
26:46So I made Sherlock Holmes from Gisborne
26:50Yeah, I didn't think that Sherlock Holmes' last words were going to be
26:53Oy, damn, oy
26:57Okay, so I've got to judge
26:59Just before you do that though, can I just say one thing
27:02Sure
27:02Job, job, job, job
27:05I need a job, job
27:07Found my way
27:08I don't wanna be sure
27:09I found my way
27:10I don't wanna be sure
27:11I don't wanna be sure
27:12Job, job, job
27:14So this is sort of the scene like one day more in Les Mis
27:17It's only one day more
27:19That's exactly what I was thinking
27:21Oh, damn, oy
27:24Okay, look, everybody was good, all right
27:27I liked all of them
27:27But one point for Alice
27:32What?
27:33Someone's gotta get one point, all right?
27:35Never before after receiving one point has it been more relevant to say
27:39Job, job, job, job
27:41I need a job, job
27:43Two points for Pax, maybe just bit off a few too many plot twists at the end
27:48Uh, three points for Jack
27:50Good song, catchy song
27:52Yes
27:52I couldn't quite understand why you were coming out of the window
27:55Because it was a metaphor for flying
28:00Jackie, four points for you
28:02I like the spoken word part
28:03Thank you
28:04And then I gotta say
28:05Very impressed with Brie
28:06Five points for Brie Thomas
28:11I didn't know I had it in me
28:14I am actually ready for another task now
28:16I'd actually prefer it if this one didn't involve any singing
28:18If we're okay
28:19I'll make some calls and see what I can do
28:21Hi Paul
28:29Hello Jackie
28:30Hi Paul
28:31Hello Brie
28:31I'm back for more
28:33Good
28:34We need you to do all the tasks
28:35Yeah, sorry
28:36If you could just keep coming back
28:37Okay
28:37How are you going?
28:38I'm good
28:39How are you?
28:40Not good
28:40What's up?
28:41It's been a really hard 20 months
28:4520 months?
28:46Get a
28:48Get a former contestant to say the phrase
28:51Hippo on a log with a purple wizard hat on
28:55You cannot say any of the words on the blackboard
28:58Got it?
28:59You must let the contestant speak
29:02Every time you speak
29:03You must start with the words Paul is holding on his cue cards
29:07Fastest wins
29:08Your time starts now
29:10How do I get hold of the former contestant for a start?
29:14The telephone
29:15It's an incredible piece of technology
29:16You can basically talk to anyone
29:18Even if they're not immediately around you
29:20Oh look at that
29:22They're all here
29:22How am I going to pick?
29:24I love all these people
29:27News without Google account
29:33I'm assuming that's the hippo
29:34That's the thing
29:35How does that help me in any way?
29:37It doesn't
29:38What have you been struggling with for the last 20 months?
29:47Just life
29:49You know I just have so much darkness inside me
29:55All right let's see our new contestants make some of the old contestants say some words
30:00Hip hip apodermist
30:02It's Brie and Alice
30:04People say Brynley Stent and I look very similar
30:08Hello I'm Bea speaking
30:10Yes but Guy it's Alice
30:12Guy it's Alice?
30:13Yes
30:14Is this Guy Montgomery?
30:15I think this is Matt
30:16No it's um
30:17It's not Guy Montgomery
30:18No
30:19This might be the wrong number
30:20Hello Brynley speaking
30:21Hi Brynley it's Brie
30:23Hey kind of on the clock I am currently doing a task
30:27Is this a part of it that it's the wrong number?
30:29It wasn't meant to be no
30:31Okay Nat this is with all due respect I don't think you're the man for the job
30:34I don't know what the job is but uh if I'm not meant for it then
30:37No oh but now I feel bad okay it we're just gonna do it
30:40Yes yes yes yes yes find something to write down
30:44First word is kind of like rhino but it's not
30:48First word is kind of like rhino but it's not
30:51Not okay hippo hippopotamus
30:53The second word is not off it's off
30:57Um yeah that's perfect and then a really small word
31:01Ah it
31:02Yeah first one yes but that was correct
31:05Like a version of wood what would you call that you'd put it on the fire
31:08Yes
31:09Hippopotamus on a log
31:11No not at all
31:14Okay so I'm assuming that's yeah
31:16Brynley this is why I loved you
31:18Think of a joining word
31:19You'll order a burger and you'll say that
31:22Five
31:23Oh Jesus
31:25Whip whip whip whip
31:26Yes yes Ridley
31:28And then another single letter word we've already used it we're using it again
31:31Hippopotamus on a log with us
31:33Yes okay great that's perfect now run through all the colours of the rainbow but a basic rainbow
31:39Yellow, orange
31:41Green, blue, red
31:43Purple
31:44Yes
31:44Purple
31:45Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes purple
31:49Yes
31:49What do people say about harry potter he's a what
31:52A turf no that's us take it rolling
31:54Yeah it's kind of like that but also it's kind of like that
32:01What do you put on top of your uh head
32:03A hat
32:03Yes yeah yeah and the opposite of off and on
32:09Say the whole sentence again
32:10A hypopotamus on a log with a purple with a tap
32:16Yes it's kind of like that but yes Ridley come on
32:20Perfect oh my god Matt I'm so sorry I was such a bitch at the beginning
32:28So first things first Alice do you think Guy Montgomery would have been better than
32:32Matt Heath at that task because I mean having scored both of them
32:35I can honestly say yes he would have been
32:37Actually he was incredible I know he's a friend of yours so um kind of just keep that in mind
32:45Did I hear you say the word purple there?
32:48I cannot speak to what you have or have not heard
32:53She also said would which is also a banned word
32:57But Brie also broke the rules by saying rhino
33:01I cannot speak to what you did or did not hear
33:04Yeah well let's call it there before we call another former Taskmaster contestant
33:08I wonder if we can spot any other former contestants in the following ads
33:13We'll see you after this
33:27Kia ora anĆ welcome back to Taskmaster where five comedians are competing to win a soft toy
33:33And two new flatmates where are we Paul?
33:35Our comedians were calling up former Taskmaster contestants with the hopes of getting them to say
33:40The phrase hippo on a log with a purple wizard hat on
33:44We've seen Brie and Alice, here's Jack and Pax
33:48I actually think I might go for someone that will have no idea who I am
33:52Who's not going to know me?
33:54I think probably a lot of people
33:55Yeah
33:55He sounds busy
34:12I'm going to try Paul Ego
34:17Hello?
34:17David this is Pax
34:19What's speaking?
34:20Hey Paul it's Timmy here from um The Coast Morning Show
34:23How are you?
34:24I don't care that you just woke up I really need you right now
34:29I'm going to ask you a question all you have to do is give me an answer okay?
34:33What's a big old African animal in water?
34:36It's big it's grey
34:37Oh
34:41Yes but I but I turn the lights off and you turn them
34:46That's but bigger correct
34:47Complete this phrase okay
34:51Yes yes yes
34:53This is another word for a turd
34:56That but bigger
34:57I'm going to go to the pools something my mum
35:01Call my mum
35:02Don't call your mum
35:04Um yeah no not really
35:05You're sounding very legit but you sound very much like Jack Ansett
35:09No I'm not Jack
35:12Ansett
35:12I'm going to go to pools something my friends
35:15Fun with my friends
35:16What do you mean?
35:18I'm going to go to the pool excited with my friends
35:22I think I called the wrong person
35:23Paul nothing in the task says I can't reveal that it's Taskmaster
35:29So let's just get through this
35:30Oh my god
35:31You killed me on my birthday so my head's not really in the game
35:34Is that your birthday?
35:35Happy birthday man
35:36I'm going to go to the pool with my friends
35:40That's that but bigger
35:43I'm going to go to the pool without my friends
35:48That's creepy
35:50What's next to B?
35:52Yeah stop shut up shut your up
35:54What?
35:54Hello Barney
35:57Yes it's kind of like that
35:58What is Gandalf?
35:59Wizard
36:01No not at all
36:03Witch
36:04If I put something on my head I'm wearing a what?
36:08Act
36:08Correct no not at all
36:10Sometimes I turn the light off and sometimes I turn it
36:14On
36:14Paul now say all of that together
36:16Hippo on a log with a purple wizard hat on
36:19Yeah
36:20Put it all together
36:20A purple wizard hat on a purple hippopotamus log
36:28Yes yes yes but do it in order of what we started with
36:33Hippo
36:33A purple with a hat on a hippopotamus
36:42Just going to take that it's mine
36:43Pax did you see the season where david koreos was on taskmaster
36:54Not only did I see the season I'm friends with david koreos and knew that it was a mistake from the beginning
37:01We're two individuals where english was our second language
37:05When it comes to you guys I don't think that's the issue
37:09Jack why did you pretend to be timmy from the coast morning show
37:13I thought that he would be less likely to hang up if he thought it was a game on live radio
37:21Pretty clever right?
37:23He was doing a game but on a tv show
37:26Yeah
37:27Why are we picking this apart?
37:29I don't think you're comfortable in your own skin
37:32I don't think you're comfortable in being who you are
37:35I don't think you've found the real jack
37:36Jackie you're the one wearing a wig
37:39What are you talking about how dare you?
37:41That's a real hair
37:42That's a real hair
37:43That's a real hair
37:43How dare you
37:44Oh I'm so sorry
37:45That's a real hair jack
37:46That is not okay jack
37:48I'm so sorry for presenting
37:50I have been called old and waxy today
37:54And now you accuse me of wearing a wig
37:57I'm sorry it's just very shiny
37:59Get on your knees and apologize jack now
38:01Okay
38:02Do it get on your knees
38:03On your knees
38:05And apologize
38:08Don't touch my shoes
38:09I'm really happy this has overshadowed how shit I was
38:13Oh Pax we remember
38:17Well hold on because there's one person left
38:20Calling in the army of Madeline's army
38:22It's Jackie Van Beek
38:26Hello
38:27Hi Mads it's Jackie
38:29Hi mate how are you?
38:30I'm really good
38:31Yes but I'm on taskmaster
38:35And I need you to help me out a little
38:38Just say these words as I spell them
38:40H-I-P-P-O
38:41Hippo
38:42That's but but bigger
38:44Hippo
38:45That's perfect
38:46O-N
38:46On
38:47Yes but next one
38:50A
38:50A
38:51Yeah it's kind of like that
38:53But yep yep we're going to keep moving on
38:55L-O-G
38:56Log
38:58Yes yes yes yes yes
38:59W-I-T-H
39:01Whish
39:02A no not at all
39:04But yes we are going to carry on
39:06A
39:06A
39:06Exactly it's kind of like that
39:09But here we go
39:10P-U-R-P-L-E
39:12Apple
39:12Um yep W-I-Z-A-R-D
39:16Wizard
39:17That but bigger voice even
39:20This is so great
39:21H-A-T
39:24That's perfect
39:25And lastly O-N
39:29Yes but I couldn't have imagined anything better
39:31That's it and I'll give you a call later to catch up
39:34Love you
39:34Bye
39:35Nailed it
39:39Seeing someone spell out the words
39:41Such an obviously good strategy
39:42I can't believe no one else thought of it
39:44I can't spell or else I would have done it
39:46I don't know if I've said this on the show before
39:48But I did an undergrad B.A. at Victoria University
39:51Majoring in English specialising in linguistics
39:53So something like that
39:54No that's definitely come up on the show before
39:56It has and also Jackie I don't have NCA level 2
39:59Wow
40:00Okay so how are we going to score this because
40:02Well times first
40:03Yeah
40:04Bree 14 minutes 58
40:06But she did say one of the banished words
40:09Alice 5 minutes 48
40:11Ooh whoa
40:12Very speedy she did say two of the banished words
40:15Jack 16 minutes 40 and he said one of the banished words
40:19Oh yeah
40:20Pax didn't complete the task
40:24But he took 21 minutes and 9 seconds
40:27So the time to beat is Alice's 5 48
40:31Jackie took 3 minutes 57
40:33Ooh
40:35Wow
40:36And Jackie was the only person not to say one of the banished words
40:41Yeah okay so I think one point for everybody
40:45Okay
40:46Apart from Jackie Van Beek five points
40:48Okay
40:48Wow
40:48There we go
40:49Wow
40:50Thank you I'll take it I'll take it
40:52So join us after the break for the second to last live task of the season
40:57And while you've got some time why not call your friend and get them to say
41:01Hippo on a log with a purple wizard hat on
41:04How hard could that be we'll see you in a moment
41:06Welcome back to Taskmaster the greatest show on this channel at this time in the history of the world
41:25We're about to head into a live task but first I'd love a cheeky school board update Paul
41:32She's storming away with it with 16 points it's Jackie Van Beek
41:38Would you all head up to the stage please for the live task
41:45All right what's happening here Paul
41:46Jack Ansett please read this task
41:49Okay
41:50Fan your ping pong ball around the race track
41:54First to cross the finish line wins you may not touch your ball in any way
42:01If your ball goes off course Paul will place it back on the starting line
42:08What do you mean off course like do you see this course
42:10Yeah but so you mean if the ball goes off it then Paul will put it at the start
42:14Okay are you ready
42:15On your marks get set
42:20Get out of it Jackie Van Beek
42:22Get out of it Jackie Van Beek
42:24Get out of it Jackie Van Beek
42:25Get out of it oh yeah
42:26Oh god
42:27Oh oh oh oh oh
42:29Oh no
42:32Now's not the time to
42:36Get out of it Jackie Van Beek
42:43Oh Jackie
42:45You cannot stand on the ramp
42:47Don't stand on the ramp
42:49I forgot
42:50Where'd my ball go
42:51Oh it's over here
42:52I forgot
42:58I now see why there's a bench
42:59Why there's a bench
43:01Why there's a bench
43:03Why there's a bench
43:05F*** me
43:07Bree
43:08How did that happen
43:09Oh
43:15I don't know how I ended up there
43:21I can't believe they're still going
43:30Okay come on down everyone and we'll see who's getting the points
43:33Woo
43:37Okay come and sit down
43:39And let's score it Paul
43:41A frantic race
43:43Alice was last one point
43:45Bree second to last two points
43:47Pax managed to go off the side of the ramp
43:49And leapfrog from last place into third place
43:52Three points for Pax
43:53Four points for Jackie
43:54And five points for Jack Ansett
43:56Wow
43:57Five
43:58Yep
43:59That means the winner of episode nine
44:01With twenty points is
44:03JVB Jackie Van Beek
44:08Congratulations Jackie
44:09Your dream has finally come true
44:11Assuming that you had incredibly specific dreams
44:13About the other contestants
44:14Please
44:15Go and collect your prizes
44:20One more episode down
44:21And only one more to go
44:23But what have we learnt
44:24Well
44:25We've learnt never to rely on David Kareos
44:27And we learnt
44:29Job Job Job Job Job Job Job Job Job
44:31But most importantly
44:32We learnt that Jackie Van Beek
44:34Is the winner of episode nine
44:36Welcome back to the season finale of Taskmaster
44:43Marveling these five deeply weird human beings
44:59Huh?
45:00We've seen them fall
45:01Oh then I've got my head
45:03And rise
45:04But mostly fall
45:06What the hell?
45:10Soon it will be over
45:11And you can go on reddit
45:12And complain about how I score things
45:14How I score things
45:15Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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