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Taskmaster NZ S06E01

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00:00Oh
00:30Tēnā koutou katoa, nau mai, haere mai and welcome to a brand new season of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:43My name is Jeremy Wells and every year as part of my charity work in the Big Buddy Little Buddy program
00:49I arrange for five comedians to spend time with my little buddy Paul here
00:54completing a series of tasks that feel surprisingly high stakes
00:58considering the fact that none of this matters in the slightest.
01:03These comedians aren't just here out of the goodness of their hearts
01:06they're here for this
01:08my golden head.
01:11So let's introduce the five comedians who for the next ten weeks will be gaining points and losing dignity.
01:19Please put your hands together for Alice Sneddon
01:23Brie Thomas L
01:26Jack Ansett
01:29Jackie Bambi
01:31and Pat Sasati
01:34and joining me as always is the man who calls me his best friend for life
01:40and who I'm proud to call an occasional colleague
01:43it's my assistant ladies and gentlemen Paul Williams
01:46How's it going Paul?
01:52Paul has taken a two month vow of silence
02:02So how long has he got to go?
02:05So how long has he got to go?
02:07I'm good
02:08Okay
02:09Thank you Lachlan
02:12Wow
02:15Good to be back
02:17That monk's name is Lachlan?
02:19Yeah
02:20Yeah
02:21Wow
02:22First up as always we'll be beginning with the prize task
02:27Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that gives them the most street cred
02:33and whoever wins tonight's episode will take home all five things and the respect of the streets
02:40What did you bring in Alice?
02:42There's nothing that gives you more street cred than drugs
02:46But I wasn't allowed to bring in any of those so I thought what's second best
02:53and that is a list of people who both do drugs and are successful
03:00But what's incredible about the list is the company I'm in
03:04Up the top Elon Musk
03:06Wow
03:08So obviously this list was created a while ago where that was actually a bigger get
03:13Number four Barack Obama
03:15And then coming in at number three Alice Sneddon
03:18How did you end up on this list?
03:21Have you openly been a weed smoker?
03:24Yeah
03:25Have you openly been successful?
03:27Oh Pax
03:28That's actually something I prefer to keep private
03:32Brie what did you bring in?
03:34Look Jeremy I thought what gives me the most street cred it's my personalised number plates
03:39Oh
03:40Oh my god
03:42Flashdoll
03:43I wish I was joking
03:45Yeah
03:46So you do realise that if you don't win this prize task
03:50Those number plates go to the person who wins the episode
03:53And that's why I think everyone will let me win tonight
03:57And I would actually like to withdraw from competition
04:00Jack what did you bring in?
04:02I emailed New Zealand's longest running soap opera Shortland Street
04:07And I asked if I could be on an episode and they said yes and I got an actual street cred
04:12There we are
04:13There you go
04:14Thank you
04:15Congratulations
04:16Very impressive
04:17I also have been on the street
04:20I've also been on the street
04:22Oh for f**k sakes
04:23Has anyone not been on Shortland Street?
04:25Everyone's been, everyone here has probably been on Shortland Street
04:27Hey hey hey
04:28Anyone in the audience been on Shortland Street?
04:30Yeah there's a few that are on too
04:31Jackie what did you bring in for the prize task?
04:36So I freaked and I went to the internet and I just typed in like you know what could give me street cred
04:43It said there are a few ways you can get street cred without being in a gang
04:48So I thought great
04:49Always be honest in your business interactions
04:53No one wants to buy molly from a guy who's known to cut it with meth
04:57So that's good
05:00This is my research
05:01But, but, but, but, but, but, here we go
05:03A better idea is not trying to get street cred
05:07It doesn't really get you anywhere later in life
05:10I'm 49
05:11It's way safer, more profitable and ultimately more respectable to stay on the straightish and narrowish
05:18So I actually, yeah I chose to put up reading glasses to kind of go against the street cred
05:27Oh
05:29Weirdly I still think this is better than Jack's
05:31Oh, 100%! 100%!
05:34Pax what did you bring in?
05:36Something that I think gives you a lot of street cred is breaking and entering
05:41And I've stolen something that you may recognise
05:45Oh
05:46Oh
05:47Oh
05:48Oh
05:49Oh
05:50Oh
05:51Oh is right
05:52Oh
05:53What happened to the bat?
05:54Where's the, where's the bat gone?
05:56You broke it, you broke it
05:57There's only 200 of those in existence, well there were when they were made
06:01Yeah, it was already like that
06:03I also have footage of me stealing it if you'd like to see that
06:07Could have you not at least stole the Mike Hosking puppet?
06:10No, I found that terrifying
06:13I feel really guilty and I have to show you, I did more
06:19Oh you are
06:20Oh that's what he's doing
06:23I just couldn't resist, I couldn't resist
06:28It's gonna be hard for me to judge this
06:31Who do I give one point to? It's hard to know who not to give one point to
06:35I think I'm gonna go Jackie's glasses one, two points for Brie and the number plates
06:43That's fair
06:44God help me three points for Jack
06:46Easy tiger
06:47I'm gonna go four points for Alice
06:50And it was an impressive effort from you Pax despite the fact that you've stolen one of my most treasured possessions
06:56Five points for Pax
07:02Okay enough admin
07:03I'm ready for the first proper task of the show Paul
07:06Sure thing Jeremy
07:07Oh my god I'm so nervous
07:08In a Taskmaster New Zealand first
07:11This season our contestants completed some of their tasks at a new location
07:16That location?
07:18Rainbow's End
07:20New Zealand's best and only theme park
07:24Here is one of those tasks and this one has our contestants bouncing off the walls
07:30Ah
07:38Is that you Paul?
07:40Yeah
07:41Hello Paul
07:42Hello Brie
07:43Hello Alice
07:44Hello Paul
07:45Hello Jackie
07:51I just wanted to keep it traditional
07:53Alrighty here we go
07:56With one roll bounce this ball off the walls as many times as possible before knocking over the toilet paper tower
08:07You may not touch the ball in any manner once you have rolled it
08:12Most times the ball hits a wall before it knocks over the tower wins
08:16You have 18 minutes to prepare and then one official attempt
08:20To signal your official attempt say the phrase let the good times roll before rolling your ball
08:26Your time starts now
08:28Okay that's a piece of piss
08:29You can practice but you have one official roll
08:32And I can use these?
08:33Mhm
08:34That is what they're for
08:35Okay
08:36Alright thank you Paul
08:42Seems pretty simple
08:44I guess we need to address a couple of things firstly
08:46Jack
08:47Yeah
08:48Any reason why you're dressed like David Bain representing Dunedin in Top Town 1986
08:53Wow
08:54Wow
08:55Jeremy I'd argue I'm always dressed like David Bain
08:58Um
08:59Um
09:00Yeah I actually dressed as a runner
09:02Did that not come across?
09:04He used to do a paper run
09:06Um
09:09I actually auditioned to be a young David Bain in the David Bain TV show
09:14Yeah
09:15I don't know if you've ever been in a waiting room full of David Bain lookalikes
09:19Before
09:20But um
09:21Yeah
09:22There haven't been that many Bains in one room since 1994
09:25But anyway
09:26Um
09:27Sorry
09:28Okay
09:29Okay Paul
09:30Whose blue roll bowling are we gonna see first?
09:33What do Mad Men, Scream 4 and the Lego Movie all have in common?
09:37It's Alison Brie
09:38Woo
09:39Woo
09:40Well I'm just gonna give it a go
09:41I just wanna give it a tone and not touch any of this stuff
09:46No that's not gonna work okay
09:48Well that was shit
09:50No okay
09:51Do I have to get that Paul?
09:52Ideally
09:53Oh shit
09:54I'm gonna make like a tunnel and then just whip it
10:00Paul
10:01If ever my ass doesn't look good you tell me okay
10:04Okay
10:12This is what tradies must feel like on the job
10:14Yeah
10:15Hard days work
10:16You've been going for about seven minutes
10:18Okay what do you reckon?
10:19That looks pretty good
10:20I could have a practice right now
10:21Yes
10:22This a practice?
10:27Oh shit
10:28You little shit
10:29What am I missing?
10:34On that time you missed the tower
10:44Well that wasn't good was it?
10:50There's quite a lot of wall touches
10:51Yeah okay cool
10:52Great we'll do one
10:53What's the phrase?
10:54What's the phrase?
10:55Let the good times roll!
10:59That's one
11:00That's two
11:01That's three
11:02That's four
11:03That's one
11:04That's six
11:05Let the good times roll
11:06Okay so task number one
11:19How many tasks are we going to expect you to be starting with the words let's give this a home?
11:26I'm afraid too many
11:28I can't tell you how confident I was going into this and how already that confidence is shattered
11:38Wow
11:39Bri, seven minutes doing a task and you're talking about a hard day's work
11:44I've got asthma but I was genuinely puffed and I was like how can I stop from running as many times and I just thought make it more narrow and hopefully get more bounces obviously planned in turn out
11:56You know that's life
11:58That's actually beautiful
11:59Yeah thank you
12:00I like that
12:01That's an inspiration to all kids out there with asthma
12:04Yeah
12:05So Bri obviously built walls
12:08Thoughts on that?
12:09I think that's fine
12:10Okay
12:11I felt like that was okay
12:12So just to clarify Paul how many wall touches have we got for Alice and Bri?
12:16Uh Bri, four
12:18Four?
12:19Alice?
12:20Yes
12:21Are you sure?
12:22Yes
12:23Fair enough
12:26Wow
12:27Back down quickly there
12:29Alice, eight
12:30Oh wow
12:31Okay
12:32Alright good news it's time for the first ad break of the season
12:36Make sure you savour every moment because after this there's only 39 more to go
12:42See you soon
12:43Welcome back to the season six premiere of Castmaster Museum
13:02Where were we Paul?
13:03Our five contestants are attempting to bounce a ball off some walls as many times as possible before knocking over a toilet paper tower
13:11Up next it's time for a PB&J sandwich
13:15Pax, Ball and Jackie
13:17So you're gonna move the tower?
13:19Yeah
13:20Where are you moving it to?
13:21Don't talk to me right now Paul
13:23I feel like I need probably about 200 more of these
13:26Okay
13:27Is that a possibility?
13:28No
13:29You're not a yes guy
13:30Oh sorry
13:31But I would argue yes I am
13:33So you're building your own walls?
13:35Yeah
13:36My therapist told me that I need to stop building walls
13:38Or else my marriage is destined to fail
13:40So you're still building walls?
13:42Yeah
13:43My marriage
13:44It's going well actually
13:45Okay
13:46We did it recently my wife and I
13:47Did what?
13:48Sex Paul we did sex
13:52Wow
13:58What are you doing?
14:00I'm frozen in panic
14:02Okay how to let the good times
14:03What?
14:04Gotta gotta
14:05Gotta let the good times?
14:07I don't know sayings
14:08I don't know white people sayings
14:09Oh just let the good times roll
14:20Let the good times roll
14:28Got that one
14:30Kind of touching it
14:31Two
14:32Two
14:33Three
14:34Four
14:35Come on you ripper
14:37Bang
14:39There is a rage within me Paul
14:40That is a torrent right now
14:45There is a rage within me Paul
14:46That is a torrent right now
14:47Thank you
14:48Thank you
14:49Alison Brie you must be feeling a lot better about your attempts now
14:50Oh my god I feel so smug
14:52Alice and Bri, you must be feeling a lot better about your attempts now.
15:03Oh my god, I feel so smug.
15:06My marriage has gotten worse since then.
15:10I mean, Pax.
15:11I know.
15:13I mean, I didn't think that you were smart, but I didn't think you were that stupid.
15:16I panicked, I didn't think it through.
15:19I was thinking about sex and my wife.
15:21It distracted me.
15:22My memory is so short that I, just watching that now, I was like, this is going so well.
15:28I was like, oh my god, I could be the winner.
15:29And I'd forgotten that I didn't get any of the toilet paper wrong.
15:33That was like a live experience for me just then.
15:35That was heartbreaking.
15:36The good news for everybody is there's one more attempt.
15:39Oh, shit.
15:40All he has to do is knock over the tower for a podium finish.
15:44It's Jack Ansett.
15:48Hi, mum.
15:49Is your mum going to watch this?
15:50No, she hates this show.
15:51Is that the no vaping sign?
16:05Where's that ball?
16:07Oh, gosh.
16:09Where did I put the ball?
16:10Have you heard on the ball?
16:11Oh.
16:15Where's the ball?
16:16Oh, no.
16:19I've lost the ball.
16:21No!
16:21I've lost the ball!
16:23You've got five minutes.
16:25This is part of it.
16:26This is your little, these are your little tricks.
16:28You've hidden it.
16:29Where would they have hidden the ball?
16:30You.
16:31Where's the ball?
16:32Hey, hey, hey!
16:34Where's the ball?
16:35$300.
16:36You've got 93 seconds.
16:3893.
16:42I will reimburse this.
16:44That might damage someone's drink bottle.
16:46These people don't care.
16:47I offer that guy $300.
16:48They honestly couldn't care less.
16:50He might want to get out of the way, Paul.
16:52Let the good times rule!
16:54You're talking to the ball!
17:19I looked there!
17:21He did not.
17:22He did not.
17:22Hey, Jeremy, what were you saying about me being not that bright?
17:26I have been thinking about this so much, whether you took the ball or whether you didn't take the ball.
17:32I looked everywhere.
17:33I looked in the bushes.
17:35I think it's clear there's one place you didn't look.
17:38I will also say, Zane, our crew member's drink bottle, costs $79.90.
17:44And Jack never reimbursed.
17:47Jack.
17:48So this is pretty clear to me, Jack gets zero because he didn't even roll a ball.
17:53The fact that Jackie and Pax didn't knock over the tower.
17:57Oh, I hit those concrete walls.
17:59Well, Jacky also did hit the tower.
18:01Yes!
18:01She hit the tower, but it didn't knock over.
18:03So I think Pax should get one.
18:07Okay.
18:07I think Jackie should probably get two.
18:10Okay.
18:10Happy with that.
18:11And then we go up a lot to Bree, who should get four.
18:14Yep.
18:15And then I think it's fair to say that Alice should definitely get five.
18:18Wow.
18:18Wow.
18:19Yeah.
18:19That makes sense.
18:23So, Paul, where does that leave the points for this episode so far?
18:28Out in front with nine points, Alice Sneddon.
18:34Let's get to the next task.
18:35Let me address the elephant in the room and stop beating around the bush.
18:39Once in a blue moon, a task comes along that is truly not a piece of cake.
18:43Will our contestants hit the ground running, pass with flying colors, and end up on cloud nine?
18:47Or will they drop the ball, bark up the wrong tree, shoot themselves in the foot,
18:51throw the towel in, and watch five points go up in smoke?
18:54Here it is.
18:55Hey, Paul.
19:06Hello, Alice.
19:07Paul.
19:08Hello, Bree.
19:09Oh, dear.
19:10This is a mess.
19:11Oh, no.
19:12Don't get upset.
19:20Okay.
19:21Here we go.
19:22Film an origin story for your favorite idiom.
19:25You have 40 minutes.
19:27Your time starts now.
19:30Idiom.
19:30What is an idiom?
19:32Like a saying.
19:33Mm-hmm.
19:33Like, don't go crying over spilt milk.
19:36Are there any that you use a lot?
19:37Kick it in the dick.
19:38Have you heard of that one?
19:39No.
19:40Can you just type in, like, examples of idioms, please?
19:43Okay.
19:44Break a leg.
19:45Beat around the bush.
19:46Cut somebody some slack.
19:48Cutting corners.
19:49Just slow down.
19:50Easy does it.
19:51You could have said easy does it.
19:54None of these are working for me.
19:55Okay.
19:56I want you to Google random idiom generator.
19:59Okay.
20:00Generate me a random idiom.
20:01That's the one we're doing.
20:02Go.
20:04Flea market.
20:10I was interested that two contestants' first instincts when they see spilt milk on a table
20:16is to table suck.
20:18And I'm lactose intolerant.
20:20Yeah.
20:21Also, also, that was PVA glue.
20:24I was quite relieved.
20:25I'm ready for some idiom origins, Paul.
20:35Who is going to start us off?
20:37Alice in the hand is with Sneddon the bush.
20:40It's Alice Sneddon.
20:41All right, lads.
20:45Big day today.
20:46Okay, you know, we're T-minus 15 seconds away from launch.
20:50Here we go.
20:52Certain there's a problem.
20:53What?
20:54Williams.
20:56Houston, we have a problem.
20:57Williams, speak to me.
20:58I'm sorry, sir.
20:59I'm really struggling here.
21:00I just can't get my sock on.
21:03Well, get it on now.
21:04What's wrong?
21:04Come on, hurry up.
21:05I know it sounds crazy, but it's really hard.
21:08Like, I'm not very flexible, and I'm, like, lying on my back, and I'm all strapped in.
21:12We're T-minus 5 seconds.
21:13It's really tough.
21:15Damn it, boy.
21:16It's not rocket science.
21:19It's true.
21:20We lost them all.
21:36So you lost Paul in an unfortunate incident, and then your first thought was, I'm going on smoker.
21:44Yeah, I was smoking the whole time, but back in the day at NASA, they encouraged that.
21:49Yeah.
21:49Because smoking actually helped you fly.
21:51Yeah.
21:51Interesting bit for me was, you had issues with your sock.
21:55I couldn't get my sock on.
21:56You already seemed to have a sock on.
21:58Yes, that is correct.
21:59I mean, that was mainly, I just didn't want people to see my feet.
22:02Yeah, that was a creative difference that Paul and I had.
22:05I really wanted him to get his feet out, and he declined.
22:09Currently on WikiFeet, my feet are at a 3.5, so if you're at home, if you could help get those numbers up.
22:16I can think of one way, mate, that you would have really driven that score up.
22:20Okay, who's that even, who are we going to see next?
22:23She has an amazing bird's kill to stone's throne ratio.
22:27It's Jackie Van Beek.
22:30Damn it.
22:31Damn it.
22:32Damn it.
22:32Hello, Barry.
22:33Oh, hi, Cheryl.
22:35Well, what's this poor sod done, then, eh?
22:37Well, you know, technically nothing, but, you know, I've just got so much frustration,
22:41because, basically, I'm addicted to killing, and I can't sleep unless I kill somebody.
22:47I've not slept in a week.
22:48But it's not fair.
22:49Like, well, if he's done nothing that's just a poor, innocent bloke?
22:52Yeah, but you're not hearing me.
22:53I can't sleep, Cheryl.
22:54Yeah, I'm hearing you.
22:56I'll tell you what.
22:57I want you to stop killing people, stop killing innocents, and I want you to give my sack a nice big hit.
23:03You want me to hit the sack?
23:04Yeah.
23:09Three times, that's it.
23:10How do you feel?
23:13Oh, my gosh.
23:15He's fallen asleep.
23:17Look at this, would you?
23:18I think you're going to be free.
23:20I think everything's going to be okay.
23:22Oh, okay.
23:23And that, my friends, is the origin story.
23:27Of Hit the Sack.
23:33Very good, Jackie.
23:34Very good.
23:36Really good.
23:37Beautiful.
23:38Some fascinating character development there.
23:41Just give us the origin stories of, is it Barry and Cheryl?
23:44Yes.
23:44Is that right?
23:45Yeah, so Cheryl was an old wise hag that lived in the woodlands.
23:51And Barry was a very aggressive executioner.
23:54I feel like there was chemistry there.
23:56I think so, too.
23:57Yeah.
23:58I felt it.
23:58I felt like Paul fell asleep in quite a horny way.
24:01Wow.
24:02I was disappointed at the end that Cheryl broke the fourth wall, because how obvious did you need to make it?
24:09It's educational, it's educational, so of course the audience need, as I'm doing right now, you know, you speak to them and there's a rapport, so it's like we put on a brilliant piece of cinema, but we also educate.
24:22It's a relationship.
24:24We've got three more origin stories to go, but first, it's time to watch the origin stories of some excellent goods and services.
24:30We'll see you after the break.
24:31Welcome back to Taskmaster, the only show on television brave enough to show Paul Williams burning to death.
24:52Where were we, Paul?
24:52Our contestants are showing us the origin stories of idioms.
24:57Up next, proving that the apple doesn't fall far from the brie, it's Brie Thomas-L.
25:03Come on, Tenzing, we've done it, the summit of Everest, and look, I just got 10,000 steps.
25:13Congrats.
25:14Only one thing left to do.
25:18Yes, Tenzing, I've done it, my greatest achievement ever, yes, let's go.
25:29You kicked me in the dick.
25:30You're right, you're right, Tenzing, I indeed kicked it in the dick.
25:36Me, Sir Edmund Hillary, dick kicker.
25:45Firstly, I'd like to say what a beautiful tribute to the great Sir Edmund Hillary and the great Tenzing Norgay.
25:51The first thing I did, and I'm not joking, is got back to the room and googled whether Sir Edmund was dead or not,
25:58because I was so worried about him singing.
26:02Did she actually kick you in the private parts? It was good acting.
26:04It was a bit of movie magic, yeah.
26:07He shoved a pillow down his pants.
26:09Oh, so you committed to that.
26:11Yeah, it was a small pillow, but there was a pillow.
26:13Yeah.
26:15Some pretty brave casting, I'd say, of Tenzing there, you know.
26:18I would have thought that you'd get a Nepalese actor for that.
26:21I can famously do any accent, and people say, Paul, you can't do a Japanese accent, and I'm like, you don't believe I'm that capable?
26:33Invercargill accent, go.
26:37Purple.
26:37It's bang on.
26:41Yeah, pretty good.
26:41It's actually bang on.
26:43Pretty good.
26:43That was really good.
26:44You nailed it.
26:45Whose idiom origin story are we seeing next, Paul?
26:48It's raining packs and dogs.
26:49It's Pax Asati.
26:52Oh, my favourite place in the world, the Avondale Markets.
26:56Well, well, well, my old nemesis.
27:00You know that this used to be my table when I would deal fleas and sell fleas to people.
27:06The flea industry collapsed.
27:07Why would I ever want a flea?
27:09I don't know.
27:09You want to make your dog thinner, you cover it in fleas.
27:13It'll lose a bunch of blood, and it'll be a thinner, sexier dog.
27:16Oh, okay.
27:17Yeah.
27:18I do want my dog to be sexy.
27:20I'm going to start my own market, and we're going to deal in all types of very small insects.
27:29What are you going to call this thing?
27:32I guess I'm just going to call it a flea market.
27:37That'll make sense by 2003.
27:53Okay, so plenty to unpack there.
27:55Can you explain the glasses?
27:56Uh, not really, no.
27:59I found them on my way to shoot the scene, and I put them on.
28:03I thought they were meant to indicate that you were a flea.
28:06Yeah.
28:07They were meant to indicate that I was a flea.
28:10Flea market is not an idiom.
28:12We're all ignoring the elephant in the room.
28:14That's a good idiom.
28:15I wouldn't want to say it, but I agree with that one bit.
28:20Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
28:22I just cursed all of you, okay?
28:25And all your children.
28:26It's my daughter's birthday.
28:27I'm so sorry.
28:29It's my daughter's 18th birthday, and I am here.
28:31I can't take it back.
28:34So, it is technically a noun.
28:38Well, you made an incredible film for the origin of a noun.
28:41Yeah.
28:42I reckon you'd win if it was that category.
28:44Makes sense.
28:45We've still got Jack to go.
28:46Yes, he's a jack of all trades, master of all trades.
28:50It's Jack Anstead.
28:54Okay, Paul, I've got an idea.
28:55Let's go for a walk.
28:57Go for a walk?
28:57Yeah.
28:58You've only got 26 minutes.
28:59Well, hurry up.
29:00Come on.
29:00Okay.
29:01Yeah, come on.
29:02Let's go.
29:04So, do you have an idea?
29:06An idea?
29:06Yeah.
29:07Yeah, I've got an idea, Paul.
29:08Yeah.
29:09Well, we're just enjoying a nice walk together right now.
29:13What was that?
29:14I don't know.
29:14Just the kind of thing friends do.
29:17Okay.
29:18Take a step back, Paul.
29:22Woo!
29:24Wow.
29:25I really think we should get back on task.
29:27Get back on task?
29:27Yeah.
29:28Okay.
29:31Yeah.
29:36Oh.
29:44Okay.
29:44Yep.
29:45Give in.
29:46I really feel like we should get back on task.
29:48Yeah, okay.
29:48Let's call.
29:49Sorry about that.
29:50Yeah.
29:51Um, you're almost out of time to do the task.
29:58Hey, Paul.
29:59Look at me.
30:02Slow and steady wins the race.
30:09Beautiful.
30:09What a twist at the end.
30:12What a twist.
30:13So, what we had there was a romantic walk.
30:16You played some golf.
30:18You had a shirtless wrestle.
30:20Yes.
30:20I like that.
30:21Then you had a romantic meal for two.
30:23Yes.
30:24Correct.
30:24That's the origin of slow and steady wins the race.
30:27You don't know that?
30:28So, I did look up the origin and it's from a pretty famous race between a tortoise and
30:34a hare.
30:34Yep.
30:35Oh.
30:35Don't think this was going to go this way.
30:37Out of interest, which way did you see it going?
30:39Everyone would applaud and standing ovation.
30:43Five points, to be honest with you, Alice.
30:46So, in terms of marking, I'm going to give one point to Pax.
30:51It wasn't even an idiom.
30:53Two points to you, Jack.
30:55For the shirtless wrestling, because I thought that was quite good.
30:57I did love that.
30:58Yeah.
30:58Great.
30:59I'll give you three points, because unfortunately, you besmirched a national icon.
31:03Four points for Jackie.
31:04Great character development there.
31:06And Alice, that gives you five points at the end.
31:09Well deserved.
31:09Wonderful.
31:10Well deserved.
31:11Wow.
31:12So, now it's time for one of my favourite commonly used phrases.
31:15We'll see you after the break.
31:17Bye for now.
31:30Welcome back to Taskmaster.
31:32If you've just joined us, you are late, and I'm afraid you're going to have to stay behind
31:36after this episode and help us clean up the studio.
31:39Now, it's time for another task, Paul, I believe.
31:41It sure is, Jeremy.
31:42And this one's a whole lot of fun.
31:51Oh.
31:52You may not touch the balloon in any way, other than popping it with the pen.
32:04You may not touch the string or the tissues in any way, other than cutting the tissues with
32:20the scissors.
32:21You may not touch the whole wall, the whole wall, or the whole wall, in any way.
32:28Gosh.
32:29So this is the whole wall.
32:30Yeah.
32:31I'll move.
32:32I assumed that.
32:33Fastest winds.
32:34Your time starts now.
32:35Far out.
32:36This is a bit of fun, isn't it?
32:39What's happening here?
32:40So it's...
32:41So it's helium?
32:42Mhm.
32:43So it'll go up to the sky?
32:44If the tissues are lighter.
32:45Got it.
32:46Have you got it, Alice?
32:47There's quite a lot in this task.
32:48Yeah.
32:49It's one of the more confusing ones that we've done.
32:50Balloons, gaps through holes.
32:51A lot going on, yeah.
32:52Yeah, tissues on the bottom.
32:53Yeah.
32:54It's also one I had no idea if it's possible.
32:55I mean, the word that really kind of springs out to me when I re-watch that is fastest.
33:14That's the word that sticks with me, just to say.
33:16That's beautiful.
33:17And it...
33:18Does it...
33:19Does it stick with you in a positive or negative way?
33:21Incredibly positive.
33:22But just that word.
33:25Alright.
33:26Shall we see the first one?
33:27It's the three contestants who don't have Jack in their name.
33:30Brie, Alice and Pax.
33:32Who comes up with this shit, Paul?
33:34It's not shit.
33:36Come on.
33:38Is this what you wanted?
33:40Me down on all fours cutting tissue like this?
33:42I told you we needed a fire.
33:43Okay, come on.
33:44Oh, oh!
33:45No, no, come back to me!
33:59It's too heavy again.
34:00I know, Paul.
34:02Yes!
34:03Yes!
34:04Yes!
34:05Okay.
34:06Okay, I went through the hole.
34:07I did.
34:08Through the hole.
34:09Through the hole.
34:10Through the hole.
34:11Through the hole.
34:13Oh, no!
34:14Oh, no!
34:15I know, Paul.
34:22Yes!
34:25Yes, OK.
34:29OK, went through the hole.
34:30I did.
34:34It's through the hole.
34:41Oh, no!
34:42Oh, no, what do I do now?
34:44I think the tissue's got quite heavy.
34:46Yeah, no shit, Paul.
34:52No!
34:54How does science work?
34:59If I had a baby, this is what I'd sound like.
35:12Go in the jar?
35:14No!
35:20Is it in the jar?
35:22No.
35:22Did anyone actually get the balloon in the jar?
35:41Out of those three, no.
35:43Alice, you grabbing the jar was brilliant.
35:46Yeah, unfortunately it didn't lead to success.
35:48Or, because I'm actually quite afraid of, well I don't like loud noises that catch me off guard, so...
35:55Ah!
35:59She's not lying.
36:01Sorry.
36:02I mean, it was you that popped it.
36:04Yeah, I got a big fright though.
36:07Yeah, as I popped it, I think I actually moved the jar away.
36:11Whose attempt are we going to see next, Paul?
36:13In this task, the jar is key.
36:15It's Jarkey Van Beek.
36:18Everyone!
36:24If he's not a slave, please do it!
36:29And...
36:30Stop the clock.
36:55Maybe not the most entertaining, but certainly fastest, I would guess.
36:59Clinical. You would describe that as clinical.
37:01You know what I thought? To be entirely honest, I did think, I bet everyone else's videos are going to be fun and entertaining and crazy and zany.
37:11Mine's going to win.
37:14Mine wasn't any of that anyway, and it's still lost.
37:17I would trade what I did for what you did any day.
37:19I think I've fallen in love with you.
37:22Okay, how long did that take, Jackie?
37:23It was very fast. Two minutes and eight seconds.
37:27Wow.
37:27Unbelievable.
37:28Who have we got left, Paul?
37:30Continuing his trend of always going last, it's Jack Anset.
37:36Okay.
37:41Oh.
37:43Oh, my God.
37:45Ah!
37:49Wow.
37:50Is that supposed to happen?
37:51Is what supposed to happen?
37:52Is that supposed to pop?
37:54I mean, you were the one doing it.
37:55Oh, it's in the water.
37:57Oh, great.
38:03Look at that.
38:06Paul, can you hold this while I say, come around the corner?
38:09Thanks.
38:09It's amazing how things like this just work out sometimes.
38:12Yeah.
38:17Wow.
38:17Oh, it's off the clock.
38:19It's off the clock.
38:19It's pretty good.
38:22You're smiling.
38:24It's pretty good.
38:25You seem genuinely surprised that a helium balloon, when you cut the string, goes up to
38:35the ceiling.
38:35I was worried for a moment that you were going to lose the balloon.
38:38I genuinely thought, oh, no, he's going to, but no, but you've got it.
38:40No, no, no.
38:41Just a fight from some fate of the gods that landed in the fishbowl and voila.
38:47Wow, this is like a make-a-wish.
38:48Okay, so Jackie's time was two minutes and eight seconds.
38:55Incredible.
38:56Jack, one minute 49.
38:58Wow.
38:59Yeah, but still, it's not everything, is it?
39:04Was fastest not the key word?
39:05Fastest wins.
39:07I'm sorry, but can I just say, horrific.
39:13This one's not too hard to judge, to be honest, because I think there's two categories.
39:17There's the people who got the balloon in the jar, and there's the people who didn't.
39:21So, zero points for those guys.
39:24Okay.
39:24Okay, so that's four points for Jackie and five points for Jack.
39:29Okay.
39:29Wow.
39:30How good does that feel?
39:32You've been there.
39:33You've been there.
39:33I've been there.
39:34It feels good.
39:35It feels good.
39:36That is the end of part four.
39:37Come back soon to see which of our comedians will win a pair of old reading glasses and some
39:421970s Pace Bowler memorabilia.
39:45The stakes could not be higher.
39:47We'll see you just after this.
40:02Welcome back to the last bit of the first F of the sixth season of Taskmaster.
40:07Now, we've just got one live task to go, but before we get there, Paul,
40:12can I have a scoreboard update, please?
40:14Leading the pack with 14 points, Alice Sneddon.
40:21All right, you guys, if you can please now head up to the stage for your first live task
40:26of the season.
40:30All right, Paul, who's going to read out the task?
40:33Paxasadi.
40:34Throw fish into the barrel.
40:36Most fish successfully thrown into the barrel wins.
40:39You have 30 seconds, minus the number of fish you wish to throw.
40:43You may throw the same fish more than once.
40:46You must throw from the spot and must not move the spot or barrel.
40:51Okay, from the top?
40:52I can't understand anything you've just said.
40:54Yeah.
40:55I'm starting to see how you couldn't find the ball.
41:00Please pick up your blackboards, write the amount of fish, and then minus that number
41:05from 30, and that's your time.
41:07Oh, no.
41:07All right, so 10 fish, 10 seconds.
41:09No, 10 fish, 20 seconds.
41:1110 fish would be 20 seconds.
41:12Stop! Stop it!
41:13Yeah.
41:13Stay in school, kids.
41:15Oh, shit.
41:16So if I'm going four fish, no chips.
41:19No chips.
41:19If I go four fish, no chips, how many seconds?
41:2226 seconds.
41:24On the count of three, reveal your fish.
41:26One, two, three.
41:28I love how Paul's entered angry teacher phase.
41:32We're going to throw an order of the scoreboard.
41:36Everyone except Alice, please take a seat on the bench.
41:39Alice selected 15 fish in 15 seconds.
41:43Begin.
41:45Oh.
41:46Oh.
41:4810 seconds.
41:508 seconds.
41:526 seconds.
41:544 seconds.
41:55Oh, no.
41:57Oh, no.
41:58Alice scored two fish.
42:02Up next, Jackie Van Beek.
42:06Are you going to do a backflip?
42:08Yeah.
42:094 fish, 26 seconds.
42:11This is her Olympics.
42:133, 2, 1, fish.
42:17Oh.
42:20I forgot she can run.
42:21No, no, no.
42:23Do I have to come back up here?
42:24You've got to throw from there.
42:25Oh, I didn't know that.
42:26I didn't know that.
42:27No, Jackie.
42:2710 seconds.
42:317, 6.
42:36Don't get them.
42:37Don't get them.
42:38Don't get them.
42:38Jackie, don't get them.
42:38Jackie, don't get them.
42:39Oh.
42:39Jackie scored zero fish.
42:41Up next, Jack Anset.
42:44Five fish, 25 seconds.
42:463, 2, 1, fish.
42:51Oh, for f*** sake.
42:54Yay!
42:57Pop them in, pop them in.
42:58Just pop them in.
42:59Pop them in.
43:01You've got 10 seconds.
43:02Thanks.
43:03Don't panic.
43:07Don't panic.
43:07Don't panic.
43:102 seconds.
43:11Yeah, chill.
43:14Nice chewing.
43:15Nice chewing.
43:16Jack scored 2 fish.
43:18Up next, Brie Tomasel.
43:19Go, Brie.
43:20Brie selected 15 seconds and 15 fish.
43:233, 2, 1, begin.
43:26A lot of gusto.
43:30To the left.
43:31To the left.
43:32To the right.
43:34Oh.
43:35Oh.
43:36What?
43:37What?
43:37Oh.
43:383 seconds.
43:41Oh, yeah!
43:41Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
43:43Oh, that was great.
43:44Brie scored 2 fish.
43:46Last up, Pax Asadi.
43:48Pax selected 15 fish in 15 seconds.
43:513, 2, 1, fish.
43:54LeBron.
43:55Oh, yes.
43:55No.
43:57Kobe.
43:57Oh, no.
43:59Yes, Pax.
44:02Wow.
44:08What an arsehole.
44:12All right, everyone.
44:13Come on down and we'll see how that's affected the scores.
44:19All right, Paul.
44:20I am ready to find out who won the live task and who won the episode.
44:25Okay, so in terms of fish, Jackie, zero fish, Alice, Brie and Jack, all two fish each.
44:31And the winner, with three fish, out of three throws, Pax Asadi.
44:36Incredible.
44:38You can't be stopped.
44:39One point for Jackie.
44:40Okay.
44:41Three points for Jack, Brie and Alice and five points for Pax.
44:45Okay.
44:47Thank you, Charles Master.
44:48Yeah.
44:48Can I get that footage of me throwing fish, by the way?
44:51It's going to go on TV.
44:52Oh, yeah, cool.
44:53Oh, right.
44:53Oh, yeah, sick, sick, sick.
44:55That means the winner of episode one, with 17 points, is Alice Sneddon.
45:03Congratulations, Alice.
45:05Please hit up to the stage and enjoy your newfound street credentials.
45:10We are already 10% through the series.
45:13But what have we learned from episode one?
45:16Well, we learned that Alice Sneddon is one better than Barack Obama.
45:19If you can't find a ball, then we haven't hidden it.
45:22Most importantly, we've learned that the winner of episode one is Alice Sneddon.
45:29Mate wa.
45:30We'll see you next time.
45:31You cannot get through this without crying.
45:54Oh, g'day, guys.
45:55G'day, Paul.
45:56How's this?
45:57I miss my kids.
45:57I'm so sorry about what happened.
46:01I'm so sorry about this.
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