- hace 5 meses
El rey decide hacer una alianza entre Inglaterra y España, casando a su hijo Edmund con la infanta española. Pero él intenta impedir su matrimonio concertado.
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00:00Noble prince, your secret love note has won my heart.
00:26The castle of my body is yours by right of conquest.
00:32Come, come now, let your tongue sink into my pit and let your hands take possession of the walls of my breasts, because I am yours, only yours.
00:47And I am yours.
00:49Oh, Edmund! I thought you were my brother.
00:56The black viper.
01:26The beard of the Spanish Infanta.
01:32In 1492, after the death of Randolph XII of Saxony and the breaking of the Treaty on Insects, confusion reigned in Europe.
01:45Borders, even languages, changed.
01:48Men were killed by their own people, and women were raped by soldiers of up to seven different nationalities every week.
01:57The courts of Europe were bustling with activity, and none more so than that of England.
02:03Without letting them take...
02:05Yes, My Lord.
02:05The Swiss are cowards. We lure them to the castle and crush them all mercilessly.
02:10My lord, news.
02:12The Swiss have invaded France.
02:14Excellent!
02:15Wissex, while they are away, take ten thousand men and sack Geneva.
02:20But they are our allies.
02:23Oh, yeah. Well, then you dress them up as Germans, okay?
02:28Chiswick, remind me to send flowers to the King of France on the death of his son.
02:32The one you murdered, My Lord?
02:34Yes, yes, that one. Father?
02:36Milord.
02:37Do you want to get out of the way?
02:38Harry, equally gentle art of diplomacy.
02:44You know where the real secret of diplomacy is, don't you?
02:48Not really, Father, but I'd like to know.
02:50There.
02:53Did you swear?
02:54Because down there I find nothing, nothing interesting.
02:57So explain to me, what's that for?
03:00Well, for a couple of things.
03:02Correct, and one of them is...
03:04Better not mention it.
03:05Exact!
03:06And the other is fornication.
03:08And without fornication there are no marriages.
03:11And without marriages there is no diplomacy.
03:13I think I understand now.
03:15Perfect, I'll explain it to you in more detail.
03:17You see, son, I have decided to ally myself with a nation that is highly threatening to France.
03:22And the answer is...
03:23Chiswick.
03:25Spain.
03:26And the best way to cement an alliance is with marriage.
03:30So I've decided that you should marry the young Spanish princess.
03:36Congratulations, my.
03:36Thank you, thank you.
03:38Honestly, I don't think I can.
03:43That?
03:46Why not?
03:47Because I'm already engaged.
03:49As?
03:50And with whom?
03:51With Princess Leia of Hungary and Grand Duchess Ursula of Brandenburg and with the Queen
03:56Bougulfa of Iceland and Countess Caroline of Luxembourg, Bertha of Flanders, Bertha of Brussels, Bernarda of Saxe-Coburg and Jezebel of Estonia.
04:06No.
04:07No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:09I was referring to Bertha of Saxe-Coburg and Jeremiah of Estonia.
04:14Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.
04:17But if I don't have a son to marry her, the whole plan falls apart.
04:22Majesty?
04:24That?
04:24Do you have another son, my lord?
04:29That?
04:31Oh my God, of course, he's right.
04:35The creep?
04:37What's it called?
04:38Edmund, My Lord.
04:39Yes, Osmond.
04:41Osmond can marry the Infanta!
04:43Wonderful!
04:44Then with the Spanish Alliance we will be able to massacre the Swiss and the French.
04:50Hurrah!
04:51Splitting them completely in half!
04:53Hurrah!
04:54Preferably by separating the top half of the devil!
05:09Good morning.
05:10Good morning.
05:11Good morning.
05:14My God, what happened to you?
05:19Ah, yes, well, well, well, yes.
05:23They are love bites.
05:25Well, they look like dogs.
05:29Well, yes, yes, she was a little wild.
05:33Really, Milord?
05:34Yeah.
05:34It would be a fight or death, wouldn't it?
05:36Yes, yes.
05:36As my bubble-faced tutor used to say, make love and be happy, because tomorrow you might
05:42catch some contagious and disgusting disease.
05:45Well, I'd swear they were dog bites.
05:50They are not dog bites.
05:53And she was very attractive.
05:55Yes, with a wet nose and fur.
05:58No, okay.
05:59She was a woman.
06:01Okay, Milord.
06:03Good.
06:04Now it is clear.
06:06Percy, what do we have for today?
06:15Well, Milord, I had first thought that we might be able to get a couple of prisoners out and the truth is that
06:24I think Baldrick is right.
06:25They look like dog bites.
06:26Yes, okay, okay.
06:28They are dog bites, they are dog bites.
06:30I've been bitten by a dog.
06:31A woman pushed me off the wall because she thought I was horribly ugly.
06:34And a rabid dog attacked me.
06:36Does that satisfy you?
06:37Yes, my lord, yes.
06:38Perfect.
06:39Excellent.
06:39Well.
06:40Okay.
06:42Let's see, Percy, you were saying...
06:44Yes, My Lord.
06:45I thought we could...
06:46Wasn't she a woman?
06:47No, it was a dog, it was a dog, it was a huge dog.
06:50Wow, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
06:51Yes, of course, My Lord.
06:52Clear!
06:53It's Harry who gets all the women.
06:55It's true.
06:56Enough!
06:57Don't mention women in my presence again.
06:59And to the dogs.
07:00Neither, and shut up.
07:03I don't want to see a woman again.
07:05If anyone wants to talk to me, you can let her know.
07:08The black viper is a poisonous reptile and women are its prey.
07:15Forward!
07:17Unless you're a woman, in which case you'll be jumping out the window with your dog.
07:21My lord, I bring you a message.
07:23Yes, you are obviously a messenger.
07:26You are engaged to be married to the Infanta Maria of Spain.
07:31That?
07:32My lord, I bring you a message.
07:34You are engaged...
07:35Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
07:37No.
07:39Come on, come on, out.
07:40Out!
07:42Out!
07:43Out!
07:44Out!
07:44Out!
07:46Out!
07:49Well, guys, have you heard?
07:53I'm going to marry the Spanish princess.
07:57Yes, My Lord.
07:58Do you want me to let her know?
07:59About what?
08:00The black viper is a poisonous reptile.
08:03No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:06This woman is not like the other Persis.
08:09She is a young and beautiful royal princess.
08:13I can imagine what that Spanish princess must be like.
08:19Out!
08:20Out!
08:29Out!
08:30Out!
08:30Out!
08:30Get out, turcastle!
08:31Out!
08:32Out!
08:32Out!
08:32Out!
08:32Out!
08:33Out!
08:33Out!
08:33Out!
08:33Out!
08:34Out!
08:34Out!
08:34Out!
08:40In Spanish it means welcome to our castle.
08:44I hope you find the drains to your liking.
08:47Here you go.
08:47I've written this to you to help you break the ice with the Infanta.
08:51By the way, I don't think you've met Princess Caroline of Luxembourg.
08:56No.
08:57How are you, young lady?
08:59Good luck.
09:01Welcome to Notre Chateau, Caroline.
09:04Luxembourg.
09:05Have you ever seen someone so seething with jealousy?
09:09No never.
09:10Boil, boil.
09:11If it continues to boil like this much longer, it will become a boil.
09:16Valdry.
09:16What are you saying?
09:18My Lord.
09:19Yes, what's up?
09:19Do you know that they say the Infanta's eyes are more beautiful than the famous Galveston stone?
09:27As?
09:29The famous Galveston Stone, my Lord.
09:33What is that?
09:34Well, it's a famous bluestone and it comes from Galveston.
09:44I understand now.
09:45And what happens?
09:48It may be that the princess's eyes are much bluer.
09:51I understand.
09:52And have you seen that stone?
09:54No, no, not in person, my Lord.
09:57But I know a couple of guys who have seen it and they say it's very, very, very blue.
10:01And have those guys seen the Infanta's eyes?
10:04Well, I don't think so, my Lord.
10:06Neither do you, I suppose.
10:08Well no, my Lord.
10:08What you're telling me, Percy, is that a stone you've never seen is slightly less blue than eyes you've never seen.
10:20Well yes, my Lord.
10:22Percy, I find being as useful as a hole in the head.
10:26A feeling I think you're familiar with.
10:29Why don't you have, don't you have a brain?
10:31Hello.
10:32Hello.
10:33Hello.
10:34I'm waiting for the arrival of a beautiful, ravishing princess.
10:39Leave me alone, I'm trying to talk.
10:41While you cluck like a lame hen.
10:45I'm trying...
10:46You are the true love of my life, my love, my love.
10:49That?
10:50What is this guy?
10:51If it were a...
10:53You are my only love.
10:54I want to kiss you, kiss you and hug you.
10:57Oh, I love the Infanta!
10:59I am the princess.
11:00What? Does he have a beard now?
11:03It must be Jeremiah of history.
11:05Let's see how we say goodbye.
11:07Yes of course.
11:09That?
11:12I have waited for this moment all my life.
11:15I've been waiting for this moment all my life.
11:19Your nose is smaller than expected.
11:22Your nose is smaller than I expected.
11:26I have suffered the same disappointment.
11:28Same disunion.
11:29Oh, my love, my love.
11:32My love, my love.
11:41I like your lips.
11:43I like your lips.
11:46Are you going to give this thing about your body that interests me?
11:49But it's the rest of your body that interests me.
11:58I want you to tear him to pieces and smash his weapons.
12:01My lord, news.
12:02That?
12:03The Infanta of Spain has arrived.
12:04Oh, good news!
12:06We will soon have Spain in our power.
12:08My lord, news.
12:08That?
12:09The King of France greets you.
12:10Oh, good news!
12:11My diplomacy triumphs!
12:14My lord, news.
12:14That?
12:15Lord Wissex is dead.
12:16Ah!
12:19That's not good news.
12:21What do you say, my lord?
12:22I don't like.
12:23Bring me another piece of news.
12:24Sorry, my lord.
12:25I don't like that news.
12:27Bring me another piece of news.
12:28Yes, my lord.
12:34My lord, news.
12:35That?
12:36Lord Wissex is not dead.
12:37Ah!
12:38Good news.
12:40May there be joy and celebration.
12:41Let joy reign.
12:42Yes, my lord.
12:43Ah, yes.
12:44Tell Osmond that to strengthen ties with Spain,
12:48will get married tomorrow.
12:49Yes, my lord.
12:53Chiswick, bring fresh horses.
13:00My God, in 24 hours I'll be married to a little girl.
13:04But you can't lock her outside.
13:07You are quite right.
13:12That will at least stop him for a few minutes.
13:14One second, my lord.
13:17I think I have a plan to save you from this marriage.
13:21Yes, a ridiculous plan.
13:22Admit it, Percy.
13:24Well, yes, yes, you're right.
13:26Percy, tell me anyway.
13:29Oh, no need to bother me, my lord.
13:31Percy, please tell me your plan.
13:34Tell me about it.
13:35Tell me about it.
13:36OK.
13:37Well, I'm going to the Infanta's room.
13:40and I tell him that you have gone crazy.
13:44He approaches the door and you go out to meet him dressed as a pig.
13:51So, and this is important, instead of saying oink, oink, you say moo.
14:05And then?
14:05Then he'll know you're crazy and leave.
14:13Oh, you didn't have to bother.
14:16Milord.
14:17That?
14:18I have a plan too.
14:20Yeah?
14:21Make him believe that you prefer the company of men.
14:25Valdrick, that's true.
14:26No, no, my lord.
14:27I mean...
14:29...to...
14:30...intimacy.
14:32The company of men.
14:33Are you referring to what the Earl of Don Caster prefers?
14:43Exactly like the Earl of Don Caster.
14:46That big ostrich!
14:48That peacock with feathers!
14:51The Earl of Don Caster has been riding horses like women since he was 17.
14:57But who would marry the count?
14:59That's right, nobody!
15:01Clear.
15:02Nobody.
15:03No one would marry the Earl of Don Caster.
15:06Except perhaps the Duke of Beaufort.
15:10Hurry!
15:11What are we going to do?
15:12First we have to dress you appropriately...
15:14...and for that you just have to put something feminine around your neck.
15:18Either Beaufort would marry.
15:27Good.
15:28Perfect.
15:30Now you just have to practice with Percy.
15:34Practice?
15:35That?
15:36The presentation, my lord.
15:38You stand here.
15:39And you, my lord, here.
15:42Okay.
15:43Now, Percy.
15:45Lord Edmund will try to be seduced by you.
15:51Seduce?
15:52You already know.
15:53Like the Earl of Don Caster.
15:55My God.
15:57Good, good.
15:58OK.
15:58You have to act normal.
16:02I am the Earl of Don Caster.
16:04Yes, it's me.
16:06Forward.
16:07Forward.
16:09Now.
16:09Now.
16:09My God, it's impossible.
16:12I can't do it.
16:40I have a couple of things that might help.
16:43Oh, Percy.
16:44Percy.
16:45What can we do?
16:46Why don't we try to start a conversation?
16:50Oh, okay.
16:54Hello, Count.
16:57Hello.
16:58How are you?
17:00Well then.
17:02You already know.
17:03Prince Edmund is going to marry the Spanish Infanta.
17:06Not a horn will get married.
17:07Anyone who suggests that again, I'll have their head ripped off.
17:09Can you hear me?
17:13Yes, that's better.
17:21Attention.
17:21It's coming.
17:26Good morning, Don Caster.
17:27Chiswick, take this to the Queen of Naples.
17:31What is it, my lord?
17:32The King of Naples.
17:34Immediately.
17:36Hurry, hurry, hurry.
17:40Oh my God.
17:42Ah, a bachelor party, right?
17:47Yes, yes, that's it.
17:49I don't think you know Grand Duchess Ursula of Brandenburg.
17:53No.
17:54Nice to meet you, Ursula.
17:56Hey, I wanted to talk to you about my speech for the wedding reception.
17:59I had thought of putting fruit motifs on it.
18:02Yeah.
18:03Something like, it is a great pleasure to Membrillá.
18:08Welcome, little apple of your husband's eyes.
18:12Because you are the pinion of his life.
18:16Do you get it, Edmund?
18:18Clear!
18:19The pine nut, even if it is an orange marriage.
18:22What do you think, huh?
18:27Excellent.
18:28Very, very excellent.
18:29Yes, it's pretty good.
18:31I hope I can fit the banana in somewhere.
18:34Will eats nachos senslos.
18:38And is it here?
18:42No, mother, for the love of God.
18:47What do you want?
18:48Oh, nothing, nothing.
18:50It works, it works.
19:07I love you totally.
19:10I hug you and love you totally.
19:14That?
19:15What love is this that you disguise yourself as a Spaniard to please me?
19:20What love is this that you disguise yourself as a Spaniard to please me?
19:25Baltrick!
19:26Baltrick!
19:27Baltroth!
19:27Baltroth!
19:28What love, what love, what love!
19:31Baltrick!
19:32Baltroth!
19:32Look at the two lovebirds.
19:35A lovebird and a big elephant.
19:38It's like they're already married for real.
19:41What did you say?
19:43What is it?
19:44As if you were already really married.
19:46That's what I heard.
19:50Boys.
19:51Yes, Lord.
19:52I think I have another plan.
20:22But if I can't find you anything better, I'm going to marry her.
20:36Yes, but it will only last a couple of days, right?
20:39Yes, it is true.
20:41Come on, you're in a hurry.
20:43Yes, yes.
20:43Very good, very good.
20:44We are all gathered here to celebrate with the utmost urgency...
20:50...the marriage of these two true Christians.
20:56Edmund, the Duke of Edinburgh, and Tiuli, you fat ass.
21:01Is that so?
21:02Yes that's how it is.
21:05Who would have believed it?
21:07The Duke of Edinburgh, consumed by passion.
21:11Kidnap little Tiuli!
21:15Hang up!
21:16Come on, go on, father.
21:18Yes, yes, yes, right away.
21:19Now, let's see, are you the Duke of Edinburgh?
21:22No, I'm a bowl of soup.
21:26For the love of God, hurry up, let's go!
21:28And you're Miss Tiuli, fat ass?
21:31Lady.
21:32Lady.
21:32Well, it doesn't matter, go ahead, father, let's go!
21:43But yes, she is...
21:44Very holy!
21:45The church will not get anywhere if it does not adapt a little bit forward.
21:48Yes, but this is not usual.
21:51But since when has the Church not accepted the unusual?
21:54The miracle of the fish, for example.
21:57Let's continue.
21:58Well, does anyone know of any reason or impediment why these two people cannot get married?
22:03No.
22:04No.
22:04No.
22:05No.
22:05No.
22:06Yeah!
22:08And you must be...
22:10Mr. Fat Ass.
22:12You are the father of the bride.
22:14No, I am the bride's husband.
22:17Yes, this is my husband, Tomás.
22:20Thomas, meet my boyfriend, the Duke of Edinburgh.
22:23Prince Edmund, this is Thomas.
22:26Thomas, this is the father...
22:28Smith, of the Painless Torture Association.
22:33Mr. Fat Ass, I was wondering if you could make a temporary arrangement with your wife.
22:39I just need it for a few days.
22:42Out!
22:42Hear me, hear me, stupid peasant.
22:45All I want is to marry your wife.
22:46Get out of here!
22:50That was the Duke of Edinburgh, you know.
22:53No, he looked like the Count of Don Caster.
23:00OK that's fine.
23:07Let's talk a little about women's things.
23:10Yes, all by yourself.
23:13Just the two of us.
23:14Yes, yes.
23:15Yes, well.
23:16Madam, tell me about English men.
23:19Well, tell me, madam, about English men.
23:24Well, they spend almost all their time with the animals, you know?
23:28And with other men, but...
23:30Oh, when they approach women, they only want one thing.
23:35That?
23:36That?
23:37That?
23:38Well, it's a kind of cake made with bread, butter and raisins.
23:43Oh, I forgot!
23:45The other thing.
23:48What is the other thing?
23:50And?
23:51What is the other thing?
23:53Oh, well, the cream.
23:55The cream.
24:01Edmund, what is he?
24:04No, Edmund, what's it like?
24:07I've already told you, this cake.
24:08I've already told you, this cake.
24:10No, no, no, in the bed.
24:12Ah, no, no, what is he like in bed?
24:15Oh, yes, yes, I understand, I understand.
24:18Well, in bed he likes a glass of warm milk with a single piece of cake.
24:23No, no, no, no, what is he like in bed?
24:30Yeah!
24:33Sure, it's like a bunny, you know?
24:36Like a rabbit.
24:37A rabbit!
24:40Mom, mom, let's dance.
24:44Mom, mom, how much I love him.
24:49I never thought my bachelor party would be like this.
24:56The most depressing night of my entire life.
25:02Well, my lord, at least you can console yourselves with something.
25:05With what?
25:06I'm sure your wife will be a virgin.
25:08There are no living witnesses to confirm otherwise.
25:15If it weren't, there would still be a chance.
25:18Officially she has to be a virgin.
25:20Yeah.
25:23Yes, my lord?
25:24Oh no!
25:27Oh no!
25:32No!
25:34No!
25:35Yeah!
25:36Yeah!
25:38Yeah!
25:40Please, I beg you to think carefully about it.
25:43Valdrick, if there was another way, I would follow them.
25:46But I'm going to die.
25:48Don't worry, you'll have a hero's funeral.
25:52We will bury you at sea and say that you died in combat against the enemy.
25:56Well, that's it.
25:58And now a small man enters with a big mission.
26:03Come on, Percy, go for the king.
26:05Hey, yes, my lord!
26:21Infanta!
26:26Infanta!
26:27Oh, Edmund, my love!
26:34Oh, Edmund, my love!
26:40My lord, your majesty!
26:41That?
26:43I bring you serious news.
26:47That?
26:48Have they defeated our troops on the Rhine?
26:50And have they poured melted cheese over their noses in the traditional Swiss style?
26:55No, my lord!
26:57Oh, please don't stop, my little worm!
27:04Do you bring me news of the Russian royal family?
27:07Have you been mistaken for bears for wearing so many coats?
27:10Have they been caught?
27:11Have they been cut into pieces and eaten by an army of Mongolian bandits?
27:16No, my lord!
27:18Relief!
27:19Relief!
27:21Well then!
27:23My dear!
27:25The Spanish Infanta is not a virgin!
27:29Oh!
27:30Oh, I already knew that!
27:32Further!
27:33His uncle told me!
27:34More, please!
27:36That's why they didn't lower the dowry!
27:39But I believed!
27:41Here, just being a virgin is enough!
27:43Do you want something else?
27:53Come on!
27:54Come on!
27:59Let's follow each other!
28:01Let's complete it for you and continue!
28:03Dear brothers, we are gathered here before the Lord
28:23to witness the union of two God-fearing Christians.
28:29Are you the Duke of Edinburgh?
28:34Yes, I am!
28:35And you, Infanta María Escalosa Fiona?
28:38Yeah, come on, stupid!
28:41Let me bring it to my voluminous dikes!
28:44Yes, yes, stupid, hurry up.
28:46I want to hug him again with my voluminous thighs.
28:49Marriage is a sacrament established by God.
28:54If anyone present knows any reason
28:56so that this link is not made,
28:59speak now or forever hold your peace.
29:03Now is your chance.
29:06So be it.
29:08Thank you so much!
29:09Come on, hurry up!
29:11You, Edmund Plantagenet, take María Escalosa as your wife.
29:15Be quiet!
29:17Silence!
29:17In health and in sickness.
29:19Better in wealth than in poverty.
29:21To love and respect her until death do you part.
29:25Did you understand?
29:29Shout louder!
29:30And you can't hear anything behind!
29:32Oh yes!
29:34I still can't hear it!
29:35Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
29:37And you, Infanta María Escalosa,
29:40Do you take Edmund Plantagenet as your legitimate husband?
29:44Oh no!
29:46So I declare...
29:48Christ!
29:50My Lord, I have some incredible news that could stop the wedding.
29:54That?
29:54The Swiss and the French have joined forces in a meeting at a mountain pass.
30:01And then they formed a clandestine alliance with Spain, leaving them friendless in Europe.
30:07Unless we make an immediate pact with Hungary.
30:14Yeah!
30:15I was afraid of it!
30:17Is there a Hungarian princess in the castle?
30:21Yes, Father, I think I have one.
30:24Yes, Princess Leia of Hungary.
30:27And what is it like?
30:29Leia is...
30:30young and beautiful,
30:32her eyes are like opal
30:34and her hair looks like a perfect waterfall.
30:36It doesn't seem bad.
30:37What's happening?
30:39What's happening?
30:39But excuse me, what's wrong, please?
30:41Believe her in court!
30:43And as for this ugly Spanish cow,
30:47Get her out of my sight immediately!
30:50or I'll eat it!
30:53Oh no!
30:54Save me, save me!
30:56Sorry, I can do politics.
30:58Come on, come on, come on, let's see.
31:00Where is it? Where is it?
31:02Where is Princess Leia?
31:10Oh, very good, very good!
31:13Osmond, meet your wife.
31:17Hello, Edmund.
31:19Hello.
31:20Are we getting married now?
31:22Yes, yes, I think so.
31:25So let's get started.
31:26My dear brothers,
31:40we are all gathered here today
31:43to unite in holy matrimony...
31:46And so it happened that the big bear
31:58had to leave his little friends in the forest
32:01and go live in a very far away land
32:05where dwarves and fairies took care of him until he died.
32:10Oh, that was very nice, Edmund.
32:16A tale that ends well.
32:19Isn't it time to turn off the light?
32:22Yes, dear, I think so.
32:25They must be...
32:26six o'clock.
32:27Subscribe to the channel!
32:57Subscribe to the channel!
33:27Subscribe to the channel!
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