- 5 months ago
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TVTranscript
00:00Ave Maria, Jungfrau Wild,
00:18She is risen.
00:34Olivia!
00:35Shared bathroom!
00:37It's all over social media.
00:56Did you not think to check the advert before it went up?
00:59No.
01:00How am I supposed to do an accurate stop check of the mushrooms when there's new ones growing
01:04on the old ones?
01:05I'm a bit busy to focus on fungus, Linda.
01:08I've got a car park full of activists planning an all-night protest.
01:14On the bright side, Simon, that was definitely one of our tomatoes.
01:17I can tell.
01:18It had a real pellix quality to it.
01:20Stop it.
01:21I thought I was saving the company money, you know?
01:23One billboard, two products.
01:26Ladies' razors and condoms side by side.
01:29Legs so smooth, you're going to need protection.
01:32Just, it's clever, it's clever.
01:34At its heart, it's clever.
01:36It says, lady boys, get out.
01:39Oh.
01:40Oh, no.
01:42This is a bloody nightmare.
01:45I fully support transgender people, alright?
01:50I just...
01:51I just...
01:52I want that out there.
01:53Er...
01:54My mum, she...
01:55She dressed me like a little girl till I was five or six, so...
02:00I get it.
02:01You know.
02:02I get it.
02:03Don't...
02:04OK.
02:05This can be recovered.
02:06Erm...
02:07What's the quickest way to show we're a fully inclusive workplace?
02:09Beefy Linda.
02:10Don't know.
02:11Nothing.
02:12You haven't got nothing?
02:13Er...
02:14I work it.
02:15Oh, my God.
02:16Erm...
02:17Ah, right.
02:18Erm...
02:19Does anyone know any transgenders?
02:20I'll look it up.
02:21Erm...
02:22Transgender woman in my area.
02:24Oh.
02:25I was not expecting that.
02:27Let me see.
02:28Erm...
02:29No, no, I...
02:37Ah...
02:39Mmm...
02:41Of course.
02:51Yeah, but I'm just saying, most women sit down, till we.
02:53Most women have no comeback to an unsolicited dick pic.
02:56At least I can aggressively reciprocate.
02:58Look, can you please tidy up after yourself?
03:00I haven't got time to restack shelves.
03:02I've got to get to work to restack shelves.
03:05And there's no way you're destroying the blood chimera on your own.
03:08So call in sick and help me.
03:10Well, I'm not sick.
03:11Well, I've seen your anime collection, agree to disagree.
03:14All I'm saying, Thomas, is it feels like you don't want to hang out with me anymore.
03:18Liv, I work nights.
03:20It's not my fault you choose to start your day at 9pm.
03:23Unless, of course, you've confused being transgender with Transylvanian.
03:27Anyway, what's the point of you dolling yourself up every day just to sit on your arse?
03:31Get out, meet people.
03:32Thomas, why would I want to leave this flat when all of my favourite people are right here?
03:37Well, look, I've seen you are up.
03:40It's now officially three months.
03:42I thought it would be a good time to pick up that conversation about you contributing to rent.
03:48Timothy, I would love to contribute. I really would.
03:51I'm not going to do that, though, and I'm going to tell you why.
03:53That's because I have very recently decided that I am in fact saving up for the old gender realignment surgery.
03:59I thought you didn't want a vagina. You said you were scared of a bee flying up in it.
04:03Oh, who are you? My gynaecologist.
04:05It sounds like you are accusing a transgender woman of lying about her desire to acquire a clunge just to get out of paying the rent.
04:11That's definitely not what's happening.
04:12Well, how are you going to pay for the surgery without a job?
04:14Oh, I'll just get a job. Shall I?
04:16I'll just go get myself a job. Like, that's the most normal thing in the world.
04:19Thomas, if someone wants to call up and give me a job, then I will take that job. But that is never going to happen.
04:23Yeah. Right, I'm off. How do I look?
04:29Like the Milky Bar kid. After a long, drawn-out battle with...
04:37Heroine.
04:53Oh, my God. I can't believe you missed me so much.
04:57Liv, grab one of my uniforms and get changed. There's no time to explain.
05:06Yes, there is.
05:07Oh, for God's sake. Fine.
05:08You are now a proud member of the Pellocks Supermarket Night Shift.
05:12And I, pause for dramatic effect,
05:16am your new supervisor.
05:18I, pause for all the people now.
05:23Yes, there is.
05:36But that is also the arguments we have.
05:43Welcome to the night shift
05:59While the customer snores
06:01We sweep up the floors
06:03A little motto isn't it
06:06A credo, a ditty
06:08I don't know what you want to call it
06:09It's fun isn't it
06:11I have fun
06:12Welcome to the ship
06:17Now listen going forward
06:20Do you prefer Olivia or Liv
06:22I think I would prefer
06:24To be at home
06:25Pleasuring myself to a VHS of the 1998
06:28Musical Cats
06:29Now
06:32Thomas tells me that you are
06:34Saving up for
06:36Gender reassignment surgery
06:38Tell us something about that
06:40Am I?
06:42I am
06:43Yeah
06:44No you're right
06:44I am
06:45Can't wait
06:46It's going to be great
06:47Okay now tell me
06:49I mean
06:50You don't have to
06:52But is that the carrot or the tatties
06:55Oh great there's a book
07:05Et voila madame
07:06The Pellick's Employee Handbook
07:0965 sizzling pages of safety guidelines and interpersonal etiquette strap in
07:15It's a real page turn up
07:17I haven't got so lost in a book since Harry Potter
07:20Have you read those?
07:23Pay no mind to the noise outside
07:26There's been a bit of a misunderstanding
07:28There's been a bit of a misunderstanding but rest assured
07:29We here at Pellick's are a fully inclusive workforce
07:32Hitler we want trans rights
07:36We want trans rights now
07:38Come out here you Pellick
07:39First hand
07:40We want you to be as loud and as proud as you like
07:45And to that end perhaps you'd like to put something up on your socials about how proud you are to be part of the Pellick's rainbow
07:53Hashtag we are Pellick's
07:56Hashtag competent management
07:58Something like that
07:59And of course if there's anything we can do to make your time here at Pellick's even more inclusive
08:05My door is always open to you
08:07And that is because I've lost my key
08:10And I don't want to shut it
08:12So I might not go back in
08:14I'm glad you mentioned inclusivity there Simon
08:17Because well I don't know about you Millie but I like you
08:21I like you too
08:21I like you am a woman
08:25And as a woman I noticed a lot of phallic produce on the way into the store this evening
08:31Your bananas, your bratwursts, your aubergines
08:34I mean Simon come on what are we doing here
08:36I've become completely lost
08:41Well you know as a trans-gentrified individual
08:45I was born with a penis that I didn't ask for
08:48Do you really think a woman like me wants to be reminded of that
08:51All bloody night long? No I don't
08:52Hmm okay so
08:54What I think you're saying is I should remove everything from the store that looks like a penis
09:03Man's a genius
09:04Yes
09:06Yes I am Miss Pussy
09:08Liv as your supervisor I forbid you to quit on the first night I simply forbid it
09:15Oh stand back everyone he's got a little plastic name badge
09:18Tom why didn't you tell me I was a prop
09:21The only reason they're offering me this job is because they're obviously going through some sort of PR shitstorm
09:25Simon wants to wheel me out like a prized transgender ham
09:29Look just give it a chance okay
09:3165 weeks from now when you've saved up for your GRS you can shove your shiny new vagina in my face
09:36That came out wrong
09:38What you said to Simon about the male dominated workspace was so inspiring
09:44I look up to you so much
09:46Okay probably going to leave that one alone
09:48Liv this is Millie you two have already met obviously
09:52Linda
09:53Olivia
09:55So you're a woman
09:56You should see me park her car
09:57Linda Olivia is just as hardworking responsible and deserving to be here as anyone else
10:03I've already had my hours cut this month and now I've got to make room for you
10:08I'm sick of you lot shoving your PC-ness down our throats
10:12Well it's pronounced penis but she's got a point Thomas
10:15I mean how much more bloody diverse does this place want to be
10:17We look like the set up to a joke that would get you uninvited to Christmas dinner
10:24Sorry ladies I just need to quickly go
10:27Liv please I'm asking you as a friend
10:31Simon's my boss and this is an opportunity to impress him
10:35Plus you said if you got offered a job you'd take it
10:38Please don't quit
10:39Fine
10:41Thank you
10:42I can't help if I get fired
10:45Wait what?
10:47Why would you get fired?
10:48Spoken like a man with zero imagination
10:50Liv you won't get fired if you follow the rules
10:53Olivia
10:56Look me in the eye and promise me you're going to follow the rules
11:00Let the games begin
11:04Huh?
11:05Rule 1
11:22Rule one, employees are encouraged to be proactive when it comes to replenishing stock.
11:52Rule twenty-one, staff doors must remain closed at all times.
12:08If you see something obstructing an aisle, remove it immediately.
12:11Oh, would you look at that!
12:17Eh, for effort, Liv, but you're in my world now, and I've got eyes in the back of my head.
12:23Oh, you're sucking all the fun out of this game.
12:26What game? At what point did I get...
12:28Hold that thought.
12:36You weren't thinking about throwing these all away, were you?
12:39No, God, no. No, no, no. What would you suggest we do with them?
12:43Well, I mean, it's not enough to simply throw all the phalluses away, Simon.
12:47You must publicly destroy them in front of the naysayers.
12:50Prove to the world how Pellex feels about transgender women.
12:54To think I was going to donate all this to a homeless shelter like an idiot.
12:58While I've got you, there are some bath bombs in the toiletry section that look an awful lot like testicles.
13:03I'm so sorry. Beefy! Change of plan. Come on.
13:07Will you make up my bloody mind?
13:11You were saying?
13:11At what point did I give you the impression that your employment here is a life-size game of mousetrap?
13:16When you told me I couldn't get fired if I followed the rules.
13:19Excellent premise. Challenge accepted.
13:21Why are you so annoyed by the situation?
13:23Because I didn't even want you here.
13:25This is where I come to escape your insanity.
13:27But Pellex needed a transgender woman and, lo and behold, there's one moochin' on my sofa.
13:32This is a job, Olivia.
13:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
13:55Guys, gut, people, please, if you just watch the demonstration,
14:00I wish to make Pellex's position on transgender women very clear.
14:08Very clear.
14:09Put out of this!
14:21Huh?
14:24Please, stop! Stop! Please, please, please, don't shout it!
14:30And that's what we're trying to do!
14:31Please, stop!
14:34People! Fence! I don't know!
14:36I'm trying to be inclusive, just...
14:38Okay.
14:39Oh, really?
14:42We're trying to find where you want to try and see!
14:49I don't know!
14:51Come on!
14:52Come on!
14:58What the way you want to try and see!
14:59Come on!
15:08What? Oh my...
15:09Beepie, deploy!
15:17Oh no...
15:27Shit!
15:29So you...
15:36You settling in all right?
15:41Good.
15:43You know that little stunt you pulled with a fire alarm?
15:46It's a sackable offence.
15:48I know, right?
15:49It's like, knock-knock, who's there?
15:51Being responsible.
15:52Not today, thanks very much.
15:54Enough, enough, all right?
15:56I'm really sorry to have to say this, but I'm afraid you're fired, Thomas.
16:04Thomas?
16:05What?
16:06Yeah, what?
16:07Well, you are Liv's supervisor.
16:10Simon, I...
16:15Fine.
16:17Sit down, Thomas.
16:18Simon, let me tell you what I think is going on here.
16:21You've got yourself a vag load of bloodthirsty trans rights activists on your doorstep.
16:26And no matter what I do, the last thing you can do right now is fire a transgender employee.
16:32But here's the thing, the only thing worse than firing me would be if I quit amidst, I don't know, accusations of a discriminatory work environment.
16:42You wouldn't do that to me.
16:44You wouldn't do that to me.
16:48Tom stays, or I quit.
16:51Loudly and proudly.
16:54Oh.
16:56Oh.
17:12Liv, you in there?
17:14Yes, Thomas.
17:15Despite the objections of the right-wing press, I am in fact in the ladies' bathroom.
17:19Haha.
17:21Wow.
17:23Look, I...
17:25You didn't need to do that for me.
17:27I mean, obviously, that is just a saying.
17:29You definitely did.
17:31Morally, ethically, entirely your fault, but...
17:34Still, look.
17:36Thanks.
17:38Uh...
17:39And I understand if you want to leave, I do, but I just...
17:41It's important for you to know that I'd like...
17:43I'd like for you to stay.
17:46Thomas?
17:47Why would I leave?
17:49This is the most fun I've had in months.
17:51Apparently, I can do anything I like.
17:53I'm never going to get fired.
17:54The buffet is amazing.
17:56Again, not a buffet.
17:57Those are products, er...
17:58I think you're probably misunderstanding what I mean by stocktake.
18:00Plus, you know...
18:03All my favourite people are here.
18:10Here.
18:13The protesters are breaching the building.
18:15I repeat, the protesters are breaching the building!
18:20Do you want to...
18:21Sort it out?
18:22Yeah.
18:23Yeah, all right, fine.
18:24Yeah.
18:25Cool.
18:26S... sorted.
18:28I'll stay here.
18:30Linger in the women's...
18:31I probably shouldn't linger in the women's toilet.
18:33I'll...
18:34Hold hard!
18:36To me, my X-Men!
18:42Not today!
18:44I can't be paid yet!
18:46Back!
18:47Someone!
18:48Please!
18:49Be reasonable!
18:50I fully support the transgender community!
18:53Sometimes, I even mop a bit of chamomile into my own bar!
18:56It's true, I've seen him do it!
18:57What?
18:58What?
18:59What?
19:00What?
19:01What?
19:02What?
19:03Shhh...
19:04when I told my dad I was becoming a woman he looked me up and down and he said that I could
19:16never pull it off I said I'd probably get a doctor to do that bit father I imagine it's
19:24quite a complicated procedure everybody's got opinions but opinions are like assholes
19:33worth exploring
19:36Pellex may have shat the bed but it's time we cleaned up our mess
19:45I made a change and if you'll give us a chance Pellex can change too for the better
20:03our new transgender employee Olivia everyone I'd say give her a big hand but I think she's
20:20already got to am I right
20:23I started tonight we're launching our very own in-store fundraiser to help pay for Olivia's gender
20:46reassignment surgery come again so join us in saying goodbye to her unwanted penis and hello
20:52to a brighter future together
20:55what the fuck is that
20:59oh shit
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