- 1 day ago
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00:09What's it doing?
00:12Imperial Valley, let's go!
00:16Let's get those rigs tied.
00:19Vapes sealed, lips greased.
00:21I want all you beautiful bastards lubed up and ready to float for $1,400.
00:27Attention everybody.
00:28The Dew Bar is here for all your float thieves.
00:33Liqueurs, SPF 25 to 50, Pepco, Beef Jerky, Emodium if things go south, Crabble if things go north.
00:41You name it, Deuster's got it.
00:43The Prodigal Son of Conquers here!
00:48The man, the man, the man.
00:50What can I get you?
00:52Oh no, no, no. Today I'm the DF, the designated floater.
00:55You know boys, this will be the first float down I've done sober, not shit face.
00:58I might even remember this one.
01:00It's your lucky day. I have a fresh batch of my home-brewed non-alcoholic beer.
01:04Oh, that's lame.
01:06Listen up!
01:09I am not your mom. I'm off the clock. So if you find your drunk ass face down in a
01:16lily pad somewhere, that's between you and God.
01:20Safety third, cluckers.
01:23Toddler, you're looking too sober.
01:25Get a little head start.
01:26Mm-hmm.
01:27Where the fuck is Backwoods?
01:30Where the fuck is Backwoods?
01:39Oh, shit.
01:39Oh, fuck.
01:40It's Taser's kid.
01:41You guys touching junk down there?
01:42Hi, Sherri-Ann. No, we're just, um, we're looking for coins.
01:46In the grass.
01:47Pretty sure that's not where coins go.
01:50Meat's on the move.
01:51Meat's up. Meat is on the move.
01:52Yes, sir.
01:56Jeez, don't be a dirtbag. Use the thongs to the dirtbag.
01:59They fell in the water, my dude.
02:01Those things are crawling in dump shit.
02:03Coming in.
02:04God, I love getting banged up in the water.
02:05That's all. Let's go.
02:07No, no, no, no, no, no.
02:09Here we go.
02:09Here's one.
02:11Tase, my boy.
02:12It's a fucking masterpiece.
02:13Hands down, the first and the best four-man micro-brew float to ever float this river.
02:18What's a frigate, man?
02:19It's a beer boat, bud.
02:21It's a bit weird that Backwoods didn't even text me back.
02:24Yeah, that is really weird.
02:26Maybe he's dead.
02:29Jesus, that's where your mind goes first?
02:30Maybe he slept in.
02:32I don't know.
02:33Maybe it's a car crash or, like, a boating accident or, I don't know, like, a crossbow.
02:36Misfire.
02:37I don't know, Todd.
02:38I'm brainstorming.
02:39I'm quite drunk.
02:41Stay hydrated, amigo.
02:43Boss, bro.
02:47I saw them making out near the canoes where I walked up.
02:49Don't shit in your own nest.
02:51Mostly lying for them is giving me fucking hives.
02:53Party time.
02:54Let's go.
02:55What the fuck's that, Leonard?
02:56There's an art to brewing non-alcoholic beer that most laymen can't master.
02:59Lucky laymen.
03:00Knowing the precise moment to stop the fermentation process, just short of...
03:05Flavor?
03:05It's like skanky kombucha.
03:07With a hint of ass.
03:08Leonard!
03:09Let's go!
03:10All right, all right.
03:11Plug your nose in, Chuck.
03:12It's disgusting.
03:12You've got all afternoon.
03:13Things have you own.
03:14You gonna help me?
03:15No, you got it.
03:15You got it.
03:16Maybe it's time you quit spying, kid.
03:17Go build some sandcastles or something and steal some popsicles or whatever.
03:20I'll tell my dad and everyone you're dry humping.
03:23What?
03:23I'll scream it right now.
03:24It's a shit.
03:25Unless you give me some candy.
03:27Oh, my God.
03:28This fucking kid.
03:29Yeah, but are we getting blackmailed by a child now?
03:31Yeah, the second time this month.
03:32Listen, you little hustler, I don't even know what we have.
03:35Here, I've got Tums.
03:37I've got some lint.
03:38And I've got a moist ciggy.
03:42I'll take the dart.
03:44Ruthless.
03:45Don't smoke.
03:47Your father's taught you well.
03:48I got a ciggy.
03:49Sucker.
03:50What the fuck are we gonna do?
03:52Well, I'm very flattered that Corn Pulse is thinking of me.
03:55And you're okay with the terms?
03:57Oh, the terms are great.
03:58Frankly, there's no other VP candidate with your kind of experience.
04:02We need to fill the position ASAP.
04:05Are you kidding me?
04:06Oh, she just doesn't stop.
04:08Chelsea?
04:08Are you still there?
04:10Oh, my God.
04:11Chelsea?
04:12Sickle bitch.
04:13Hello?
04:13Chelsea?
04:14Punt your face into the sun.
04:15Sorry, what?
04:17Nothing.
04:17I was talking to a seagull.
04:20I hate them.
04:21Okay, so do I.
04:23Right?
04:23So, your answer is?
04:28I will let you know by the end of the day.
04:31Thanks, Donnie.
04:34Well, mighty river, slow and wide, we come to you, drunk and fried, and as we float together
04:41in a drunken dream, remember, puke ends up downstream.
04:46That's right, bud.
04:47I'm looking at you there.
04:48Let's not have a repeat of last year.
04:50Normally, backwards would lead to shotgun stare, but apparently you had something better
04:53to fuckin' do today, so Taser has currently stepped in.
04:57Hey, come back.
04:59Come on, Tase.
04:59Come on.
05:00All right.
05:02Let the weed hit hard.
05:03Yes.
05:04And your vapes not sink.
05:05Yes.
05:06May nobody drown while trying to, um...
05:10Float?
05:10Drink.
05:11Ah, fuck it.
05:13Beer's at the ready.
05:14Yeah.
05:15Let's fuckin' go!
05:18Let's go!
05:20Let's go!
05:21Load him up, boys!
05:22Get out!
05:22Get your ass off!
05:23Get up, everyone!
05:24Get the fuck out of the river!
05:26Yeah!
05:28Ha-ha!
05:30Woo!
05:32Get freshie!
05:34Hey, Steph!
05:37Where the fuck is Odds?
05:38I haven't seen her since we got here.
05:39It's weird she's not out in the water, no?
05:41Uh, she's there.
05:43Totally.
05:44I...
05:45She's...
05:46Sorry.
05:47Where the fuck is she?
05:48Sorry, Todd.
05:48Just pissing.
05:49Can't speak and leak at the same time.
05:51Wow!
05:52You guys got it set up already?
05:53Yeah.
05:54We don't kid around when it comes to drinking.
05:55Not for float down.
05:56Not for float down.
05:57Here you go.
05:58Yoinks.
05:59Aw, thanks, Conky.
06:02You don't talk much, do you?
06:03Yeah, I know.
06:04But he drinks.
06:05A lot.
06:06Like more than us.
06:06Yeah.
06:10Hey!
06:12Hola!
06:13Mind if I park here?
06:14I'm gonna be close to the bar.
06:15No, it's wide open.
06:16Your usual.
06:19You don't float?
06:20Well, someone's gotta supervise.
06:22Plus, I know what's in that river.
06:24Rusty lawn chairs and mercury?
06:25Ooh, too soon, Rod.
06:27Too soon.
06:30Fuck.
06:31She won't leave me alone.
06:33Who's that?
06:34Jen Conk.
06:35She has no boundaries.
06:37You don't need that shit.
06:39She's lucky to have you.
06:41Come on, Homer.
06:42Come on.
06:43Do it.
06:43I said I wouldn't do it anymore, right?
06:45Do it!
06:45Do it!
06:48Cha-cha-cha-cha!
06:50Yeah!
06:51How did Maureen ever leave that?
06:54Yeah, how's it going with her?
06:55Did she take your house yet?
06:56Nah, we're fine.
06:56Not planning on a second or third wife there, Taze.
06:58Working on the fourth, buddy.
07:00Wait, what did he say?
07:01Nah, you wouldn't get it.
07:02I know if he's waxed back there.
07:03This current's brutal.
07:05I'm drifting.
07:06It's your float, man.
07:07Look like Jacques Cousteau fucked a filing cabinet.
07:09Yeah, some of us didn't get the nod this year to join the boyfriend's barn.
07:12Whoa!
07:12Hey!
07:12Take it easy.
07:13It's your loss.
07:14I float solo.
07:15A lone wolf.
07:16You're not going to float at all on that piece of shit, dude.
07:18Never mind.
07:19I gotta go throw a quick wizard in the bushes.
07:22That's where you are.
07:22You're in a river, for God's sake.
07:23You just have to drink this water.
07:25It's disrespectful.
07:27A toast to you, my colleague.
07:30Commendable job navigating sobriety.
07:32Delish.
07:33You know, it's got the mouthfeel of actual beer.
07:36Good memories.
07:37Your approval means the world to me.
07:38You know, a lot of this N.A. stuff tastes like hospice.
07:41But you, Leonard, are lord of the lager.
07:44Why do you say that?
07:45I was thinking you're trying to sell it online?
07:47I'm in.
07:47I'll be your silent partner.
07:48We'll be booze barons.
07:49Like, I'll be George Clooney and you can be...
07:52The other guy.
07:53Yes.
07:54You will be the other guy.
07:57Top-up time.
07:58Oh.
08:00Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
08:01I could float away forever.
08:04Nobody would know what Dewey was missing.
08:08Ow!
08:10My leg!
08:11Oh!
08:12Four locks!
08:16I'm stuck!
08:21Help!
08:22Anyone!
08:24Homer!
08:26Taser!
08:29Step-mommy!
08:31You know, you guys could be a little nicer to him.
08:34Do we?
08:35He knows we're just giving him the gears.
08:36He likes it, man.
08:38All I'm saying is that he's been around a lot longer than I have and you'll let me on
08:42the barge.
08:43I mean, it feels a little...
08:44I don't know.
08:46A little...
08:47Clicky?
08:48Is that another word for bullying?
08:49Are we the mean girls of Kong?
08:51Wicked!
08:52I'll be lohen!
08:53When a few of the other apprentices asked to join the float, you guys literally said,
08:57Are they float material?
08:58Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
08:59We have standards, okay?
09:00This isn't a soup pot, it's a stew.
09:02You either bring the spice or you get skimmed off.
09:04It's not personal.
09:04We're selective.
09:05This isn't intramural soccer.
09:06Not everyone gets to play.
09:08Totally, man.
09:10Oh, my fucking God, who am I?
09:12You're Homer.
09:13Fuck, where's Dewey?
09:14He's my shooter girl.
09:16Taser's thirsty.
09:17Come on, float down!
09:18Go!
09:18Go!
09:20Yeah!
09:20Let's burn some water!
09:22Adel!
09:23Yeah!
09:25Yeah!
09:26What's up, Jirking?
09:28Woo-hoo!
09:30Yeah!
09:31Keep it on pace, people!
09:32Let the river take us.
09:34Woo-hoo!
09:36One, two, one.
09:39Oh, oh.
09:39You got a light?
09:42Help me.
09:44What's in it for me?
09:45Yeah! Are you smoking?
09:48Don't make me parent you in front of everyone!
09:51I saw Backwoods and Audrey making out under the canoes!
09:55They were using their tongues!
09:56What a little tattletale!
09:57Hey, punk! This is after I paid her off!
10:00Oh, hey guys! Hey, I was just peeing!
10:02Me too! Yeah!
10:03Urinating!
10:04Just, uh, pee. Separately pee.
10:07What in the fuck, my fuck?!
10:09Busted!
10:10Yeah, I hate to break it to you, Totter, but, uh, Backwoods and your sister have been banging.
10:14What?!
10:14Shut up, Homer, you rat!
10:15A lot.
10:16For how long?
10:17Long time.
10:18What, total idiot?!
10:18Who knew about this?!
10:20I did.
10:21Me.
10:21We did.
10:22I think pretty much everybody.
10:24We all did, yeah.
10:25They all knew?
10:26Who didn't?!
10:27Uh, over here, bud.
10:28Well, that checks out.
10:29Totally.
10:30So you all lied right to my face!
10:31What kind of people are you?!
10:33The whole crew's been taking bets on it! You're the underdog!
10:35Todd, sweetie, can I get you a drink?!
10:38Actually, he probably doesn't need another one.
10:40Uh-oh.
10:40Red alert, red alert, red alert!
10:42Yes!
10:42Betrayal!
10:43That's what this is!
10:44An absolute fucking betrayal!
10:46You two stay right where you are!
10:47Fucking chill!
10:48Todd, thank you.
10:48Okay, now, Todd.
10:50I have a little drink!
10:51Hey, look at some weed!
10:52Go to my way!
10:53Fuck!
10:54Well, I think we missed our chance to tell him ourselves.
10:56Maybe we should just tell him now.
10:57I'm ready.
10:58Backwoods, he fucking knows!
10:59I know he knows!
10:59I'm fucking running!
11:01Fucking train!
11:02I'll let it fucking go!
11:03Okay, okay, okay.
11:04I'm coming for you, you slutty piece of rabbit shit!
11:06Easy shit, coming through!
11:07You broke the bro code, bro!
11:14What are you doing?
11:15Uh-oh.
11:16I just did a no-no with my thumb thumbs.
11:19What?
11:19I just said the entire boy to conquer a pic of, uh, El Presidente.
11:24Mary, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were wasted.
11:29We're falling behind.
11:30Hurry up.
11:31Go, boy.
11:32Let's go.
11:33Yeah, but you fucking did, did ya?
11:35I hope you fucking drowned!
11:36I'm good!
11:37I think I broke my big coat!
11:38Good!
11:39I'm gonna fucking break the other knife!
11:40Stop running around like a scaredy bitch ass pussy dick!
11:43A lot of words in that insult!
11:45Todd, I think I love her!
11:46What?
11:46Did you just not love me?
11:49I thought we were just fucking you love me now!
11:52Jesus!
11:53I was gonna say the word fucking!
11:55I think I just threw up in my mouth!
11:56Fuck off!
11:57Fuck!
11:57Ow!
11:58Hoggy, get the fuck out of the way!
11:59You're ruining my butt!
12:01Fuck off!
12:02No, no, no, no, no!
12:04Help me, Natch!
12:05Stop running away from me!
12:06Hold it, hold it to me here, you cat!
12:07Paddle me over there!
12:09No one is the boss of me, Toadstool!
12:11Actually, I am your goddamn boss!
12:13Jesus!
12:14Fuck!
12:14Get back over here, bud!
12:16This is like a bunch of fucking idiots!
12:18Get away!
12:18Get over here!
12:19You're nuts!
12:20Look out of me!
12:21Best bunch don't laugh at who they're teeing off of, bud!
12:24We were gonna tell you!
12:25You're not the easiest guy to talk to!
12:26Oh shit, I'm perfectly easy to fucking talk to!
12:29No, you're not.
12:30That's true, bud.
12:31We don't do emotions!
12:32We do beers, bums, and that's fucking it!
12:34Boys, what the fuck don't we the fuck off?
12:37Drink it!
12:37Let me out!
12:38Come on!
12:38It'll be fun!
12:39Come on!
12:40Ah!
12:42Sorry!
12:43My bad!
12:44Un-fucking-believable!
12:46My baby!
12:48What's my baby?
12:49Uh-oh!
12:50I think I'm just about to do a no-no!
12:53Oh yeah!
12:55Oh my god!
12:57And he's got his ass out!
13:00Ass out!
13:01Did I cut my baby?
13:02What are you figgot?
13:03That's my sister!
13:04Ah!
13:05Not his face!
13:06You're figgot!
13:07You're fucking stomping!
13:08Silver bitch!
13:09Oh!
13:10There you go!
13:11Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
13:13That's what I tried!
13:15You're too rumbling the line of me!
13:17Who left your couch up with me?
13:22What's up with Mettie?
13:24Sunstroke?
13:25Mettie's down!
13:25Call the Mettie!
13:27Mettie!
13:27Oh shit!
13:28Bev, are you drunk?
13:29Not even a glow!
13:31Ah!
13:32Oh no!
13:34What?!
13:35Oh shit!
13:37Stop!
13:38Oh god, do your words!
13:39I don't care!
13:39I can't fucking move!
13:40That was awesome!
13:41That's good!
13:42Dewey would've liked that one!
13:43Haha!
13:44Dewey!
13:45Where's Dewey?
13:46Dewey!
13:47Here! Come on!
13:48There's no choice staying on land!
13:49No kidding!
13:50I'd better go see if they broke anything!
13:52Hey, where are you?
13:56Well, well, well!
13:58There you are!
14:00You done?
14:01Fuck!
14:02Why is everyone hitting me?
14:04Stop it!
14:04Ow!
14:05That's for making our drama everybody else's problem!
14:07What the fuck was that about?
14:08Huh?
14:09You two fighting because he likes her and she likes him?
14:11You knew?
14:12Oh, every fucking buddy knows about Oddwoods!
14:14You gotta be a fucking moron not to know!
14:15That's nice, so there's even a name for it!
14:17Your family!
14:18Family doesn't handle shit like this!
14:20He lied to me!
14:20What the?
14:21She lied to me!
14:22There's a lot of fucking lies flying around!
14:24So what?
14:25I pretended to have shingles for a week to avoid telling your mom I lost the house at
14:28a casino!
14:29We move on!
14:30Like we did!
14:31We all moved on to that house where I had to replace the shingles!
14:33Holy shit!
14:33This is full circle, isn't it?
14:34That's what happened to our house growing up!
14:36Todd, the point is...
14:37So what?
14:39No more casinos, Dad!
14:41Yeah, I'm sorry.
14:42How did you even find me?
14:44How did you even find me?
14:44You realize this is my day off.
14:46So I have you on the Find My Coworker app just in case I need to track any of my
14:51minions?
14:51That crosses so many lines.
14:54Personal, legal, I don't even know where to start.
14:55A lady as powerful as moi just didn't have the time to play hide and seek, Chels!
15:00You don't have power, Jen!
15:01You inherited it like a spoiled kid with Daddy's credit card!
15:05Oh, honey.
15:06I am the bank.
15:07And with Daddy gone, I get to choose the favorite and guess what?
15:10I choose me!
15:11I'm done with you!
15:12I'm done with you!
15:13You narcissistic twat!
15:16And guess what?
15:18I quit.
15:20I feel like I just took a big shit.
15:23I want something stronger!
15:24Anybody have any tequila?
15:25Where are you, buddy?
15:27You can come on the bar!
15:27You won't let you be Lindsay Lohan!
15:29It's over, buddy!
15:30Dewey!
15:30Dewey!
15:31Come on!
15:32Dewey!
15:33Where's my boy?
15:34Oh.
15:34Oh, no.
15:35False alarm.
15:36That's just Konky getting his tongue work out.
15:37Oh, buddy.
15:39Don't mind us.
15:41Let's go, Konky!
15:42Whoa.
15:43You're still here.
15:45Please, little girl.
15:47Help me.
15:48Dewey!
15:49Hey, buddy!
15:50Where are you at?
15:51I'm here.
15:52I'm here.
15:52Dad!
15:52I got eyes on him.
15:54He's in bad shape, but he's alive!
15:56Good work, daughter!
15:58Dewey!
15:58Wait twice if you still want to party!
16:00Let's go, boys!
16:01Let's go!
16:02Let me scratch our eyes!
16:05He said yes!
16:07He said yes, taser!
16:09Careful!
16:10Get him out of here!
16:11Get him out of here!
16:12Get him out of here!
16:12You came back for me!
16:14I got you.
16:16So I guess there's a small chance that I may have overreacted a little bit.
16:21A lot of beers and a snap, man.
16:23I was seeing red.
16:24I mean, it's fucking weird.
16:26Right.
16:26Kind of like your best friend's date and your sister weird.
16:29Pretty much exactly that.
16:30And it's just so graphic in my head.
16:32We just didn't know how to tell you.
16:33You don't need my blessing, and I don't know, if I can stop picturing it, maybe you'll be okay.
16:37Nope. Just saw it again.
16:39Fuck!
16:39That's a good picture.
16:40Okay, well, maybe this is just as good a time as any to tell you that I'm-
16:44You're not fucking pregnant.
16:45What?
16:46I need my own space.
16:48Oh, okay.
16:49I don't know.
16:50Maybe it's time for you to start sharing that hot tub with someone that you're not related to.
16:54I think we're ready for both of us to switch things up a bit.
16:58Whoa!
16:59Stop following me!
17:00I'll pay you more!
17:01Oh, Corn Pulse is tripling my salary!
17:03Yeah!
17:03I'll double it!
17:04I'm done.
17:05Wait.
17:06You're leaving, Chelsea?
17:07No, no, no.
17:08Not yet.
17:09You can't.
17:10You can't.
17:11Don't do it.
17:12Chelsea, boss, lady, leave.
17:13I love you guys, but it's time.
17:16I'm gonna call Donnie and let him know I accept Corn Pulse's offer for VP.
17:20Donnie!
17:21Don't leave us!
17:22Donnie!
17:22You know what?
17:23I have had enough of this!
17:25Ow!
17:27Jesus!
17:27Well, that was a conch phone, so...
17:29Worth it!
17:30You carpet!
17:31Judas!
17:32You were my sister, my right-hand lady, and like the only person who knew all my computer passwords.
17:38I know all your passwords.
17:39Not now, Janet!
17:40Well, consider this my two weeks' notice.
17:43Consider this my offer to pay for all your future plastic surgery needs.
17:48What?!
17:48I know a great boob guy in Tulum.
17:50I can get you on a plane tonight and have you perky by brunch!
17:52How did your head get so far up your ass that you think new titties is what I'd want?
17:55Everyone loves new titties.
17:56What am I right here?
17:57I mean, that's...
17:58Fuck titties!
17:59Yeah!
17:59Listen, Todd will be a great replacement for site manager.
18:02Fuck that, Chelsea.
18:04You run our refinery.
18:05Yeah.
18:05You're more of a conch than she'll ever be.
18:07Ooh.
18:08You earned it.
18:08You worked your bag off to get where you are.
18:10You're not some idiot that had it handed to her.
18:12Oh, cool!
18:13Let's get the back!
18:14Got it!
18:14That is a lovely bag.
18:16That's good.
18:17Come on, Chelsea.
18:18You know, Chelsea, you're right about one thing.
18:21The site manager's office should have a Stuhl nameplate.
18:25Damn straight!
18:25Find me, Todd!
18:27You!
18:27Audrey Stuhl.
18:29Hmm?
18:30Huh?
18:31Huh?
18:31You've just been officially promoted.
18:34Congratulations.
18:35Whoa!
18:35Hold on a second.
18:36Wait.
18:37What?
18:38I just got my union card.
18:39Boom!
18:40And now your management girl!
18:41Wow, that is so fucked up.
18:43Yeah, could she actually do that?
18:44Isn't it amazing, Todd?
18:46How fast you can climb that conch ladder when you don't insult the owner.
18:50Effective immediately!
18:52Audrey Stuhl is our brand new site manager.
18:55Let's go, Janet!
18:57Janet!
18:58What the hell?
18:59The hot sister's hot boss?
19:03Congrats, I guess.
19:05Okay, no offense, but Audrey?
19:06What the fuck is happening right now?
19:11Oh, dummy troubles!
19:13Wah!
19:14Get it out!
19:16Ugh!
19:17Must have been something I ate!
19:18Now sip a little more near beer?
19:20Mmm!
19:20Didn't Dandelion and Goji have restorative properties?
19:23Ugh!
19:25Ugh!
19:26Ugh!
19:27Ugh!
19:27Leonard!
19:28If it wasn't for your friendship, I'd be right back on the sauce.
19:32I'd probably be bent over a picnic table, puking my gu-
19:35Uh!
19:36Oh!
19:36Leonard!
19:37Leonard!
19:37Get out of here!
19:39You took our real beer by accident, full of actual alcohol?
19:41Yeah!
19:42This is your stupid near beer!
19:43That's why I'm stone cold sober, and not the one making out with Konky!
19:46What?
19:47Fuck!
19:47Oh no!
19:48To my esteemed Konk board of directors, in regard to the earlier image of my penis, it
19:56was a private medical image intended for my urologist.
20:01Uh!
20:01Routine mole check!
20:02Turns out, my doctor's email is shockingly close to all of yours!
20:10Oh, time to move on, huh?
20:12Forgive and forget!
20:14And, uh, speaking of hard to forget...
20:18My penis!
20:19Wait!
20:20My glorious penis!
20:23No!
20:23No!
20:24No!
20:24No!
20:24No!
20:25No!
20:26No!
20:27No!
20:27No!
20:28No!
20:29Oh my god!
20:44I get out of here!
20:47Wooooo!
20:59Wooooohh
21:07Hey Chelsea, this is Donnie from Cornballs. I'm just checking in.
21:10Hello? Hello? Chelsea? Chelsea, I'm waiting.