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Popstar Wendy Wilson and husband Dan seek Jo's help in melding their parenting styles to give their four sons boundaries and a schedule.
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00:00Hi, we're the Knudsen family.
00:02I'm Wendy.
00:03And I'm Dan.
00:04And we have four kids.
00:06I'm from the band Wilson Phillips,
00:08and in the early 1990s,
00:10we did concerts around the world.
00:12People think that I have a glamorous lifestyle,
00:15but it's really not.
00:16I am a housewife and a mom.
00:19We live and breathe children,
00:20and that's what we do.
00:23Leo is four.
00:25Bo is three.
00:26And Will and Jessie are twins,
00:28and they are six weeks old.
00:29I'm a boo.
00:31Going from two to four kids overnight
00:33is a whirlwind.
00:35Well, I've got to feed the babies.
00:37I'm in shock.
00:38No, no, no, no, no.
00:39It's like a circus here.
00:41You know, they're wild.
00:44Oh, my goodness.
00:46They get rambunctious.
00:47Oh, hey.
00:50And they get loud.
00:54You add twins to the mix,
00:56and it's just absolute lunacy sometimes.
00:58So in musical terms,
00:59this family would be slightly off-key.
01:03The way I grew up was the polar opposite
01:05to the way Wendy grew up.
01:07My father, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys,
01:09when I was growing up, wasn't around, you know,
01:12for the most part.
01:13He just wasn't able to parent my sister and I.
01:16We were allowed to do almost anything we wanted to do
01:18as children.
01:19I think that structure was missing in the household.
01:23I think that that influenced me
01:24because I tend to be more liberal with my children,
01:27and Dan is just quite the opposite of me.
01:30And, you know, it does come into play with our parenting,
01:34and we do have conflicts because of that.
01:36Hey, don't throw an apple on the floor.
01:39I smell poo-poo.
01:41What are you talking about?
01:42You smell poo-poo.
01:43Do you have poo-poo?
01:44No.
01:45He's got poo-poo.
01:46In his underwear?
01:47Again?
01:48You got some poo-poo in there, buddy.
01:49Before the babies arrived, I was resolved that Beau,
01:53our three-year-old, was going to get potty trained.
01:55You got to go poo-poo on the potty.
01:57Oh, my God.
01:59He refused.
02:00Now there's poo-poo in the water.
02:02Usually when he hides behind that table,
02:04he's going poo.
02:05Yeah, I'm over this.
02:11Look at this cheeky monkey.
02:13He's springing a leak in the backyard.
02:15And then bedtime.
02:17I'd like to see Wendy be able to put them into bed
02:20and be able to come out
02:21and let them fall asleep on their own.
02:27And then between 12 and 2 a.m.,
02:30they make their way to our bedroom.
02:32Now that we have our twins,
02:33it's hard to get any quality sleep at all.
02:36It's an hour past your bedtime, buddy.
02:38I tend to baby the kids.
02:40I'm just going to move your bed right into their room.
02:42Well, this family certainly needs some rest.
02:45That's for sure.
02:46Oh, geez.
02:48In a couple of months,
02:49my sister and I have shows planned
02:51that we're going to do around the country.
02:53I'm just a little concerned
02:54about not being with my older kids
02:56for that amount of time,
02:57because I've never done that before.
03:01How are you tonight?
03:03We've got some dates lined up,
03:04and four children.
03:05It's not easy.
03:06And two newborns.
03:07Dan's working.
03:08She's going to work.
03:09We're all working.
03:10So this is the challenge.
03:12Done.
03:13Super nanny.
03:14We're overwhelmed.
03:16Please help us handle our children.
03:19Mom and Dad, you certainly got your hands full.
03:22I'm on my way to help.
03:32Hello.
03:33Hi.
03:34How are you?
03:35How are you?
03:36Good.
03:37I'm Wendy.
03:38You know, as far as I was concerned,
03:39I was going in to help a family,
03:40regardless to whether they'd been in the limelight or not.
03:43It was welcomed very warmly by Wendy and Dan,
03:46which was lovely.
03:48So, two toddlers.
03:50Yeah.
03:51Twins.
03:52Yeah.
03:53Quite a bit, right?
03:54Oh, yeah.
03:55Lots to sort out and lots to be done.
03:56It's one thing to have two young active boys,
03:59but to have newborns as well,
04:01it puts Wendy into one of the toughest challenges
04:04a parent could ever be in.
04:07Leo and Bo, I am talking to you right now.
04:10The first thing that I see is the boys riding outside
04:13and Mom desperately trying to get them inside,
04:15but they're just ignoring her.
04:17Hey.
04:18Stop.
04:19Stop.
04:20You guys, don't stop.
04:22You're going to go to a timeout.
04:25I felt extremely mortified.
04:27I have to be honest with you.
04:28I was like, my kids are not listening to me,
04:30and I don't have the respect that I should have for my children.
04:33Leo.
04:35This is very embarrassing.
04:37I believe that the way you're raised influences the way you parent.
04:41I was raised with a very unstructured type of lifestyle.
04:45We were allowed to do almost anything we wanted to do as children.
04:48Let's start putting puzzles away, okay?
04:50You want to help me?
04:52Come on.
04:53Come on.
04:54I love the fact that Wendy admits that she's a pushover
04:57and that when the boys play up,
04:59she leaves it up to Dan to deal with the discipline.
05:02Hey, Leo, you need to start picking up.
05:03If you don't start picking up at the count of three,
05:05then you're going to have to have a timeout
05:07because this is getting silly.
05:09Let's get moving, please.
05:10Thank you very much.
05:11Now get that puzzle put in its box
05:13and don't stop until you're finished.
05:15Wendy and Dan both have very different parenting styles
05:18and that's okay,
05:20but I knew that I would have to get them on the same page
05:22if they were going to see eye to eye.
05:24I do try to implement, you know, discipline with the kids,
05:28but I know that I can be pushed.
05:31Yeah.
05:32I'm the pushover and he's the more strict parent.
05:35Yeah.
05:36I have less tolerance, definitely.
05:38So I know that that's something I need to work on.
05:44Has there been any regression?
05:45Yes.
05:46There has been regression, yes.
05:47We got Beau to the point with potty training
05:50where he was going on the potty, you know, every day,
05:53and then he started going in his underwear.
05:55Regression is very common with toddlers
05:58when there are newborns around.
06:00It's basically when the older child goes back
06:04to behaving how they did when they were younger.
06:07And no sooner had Wendy told me
06:09about Beau's potty training problems,
06:12Dan caught him in the act.
06:13What are you doing in the office?
06:14Come on out of there.
06:15Please go away from me.
06:17Are you going poo poo?
06:18No.
06:19Let's go on the potty.
06:20Dad.
06:21Let's go to the potty.
06:22Oh, you have to go away.
06:24Buddy, I think you're going poo poo right now.
06:26Come on, let's go to the potty.
06:27I'm almost done.
06:30Dan hates changing diapers.
06:32I mean, it makes him gag.
06:33Oh, Bowie.
06:37Oh, boy.
06:38This is horrifying, buddy.
06:41These aren't real accidents that Beau is having
06:45because he's already been potty trained.
06:47He's just regressing because he knows
06:49he can get Mom and Dad's attention.
06:51Because right now, they're giving it all to the newborns.
06:53You know what?
06:54If you didn't have man-sized poops,
06:56it wouldn't be so disgusting.
07:06Looking at what I see around me,
07:07I mean, you're a very successful, talented woman
07:10in the music industry.
07:12Is there a piece of you that wants to get back out there doing it?
07:17To be honest with you, my children are going to be my priority forever.
07:20You know, that comes first for me now.
07:22But I do want to do something.
07:25And I mean, my sister and I are planning on doing shows this winter.
07:28Okay.
07:29And it's a lot of fun and it makes me feel great to be performing again.
07:33You know, working.
07:34And that's another aspect of myself that I don't get to see very often.
07:38I went from career woman to full-time mommy.
07:41But I do have an itch to work again as well.
07:44Because I need time for myself too.
07:47And it's important.
07:48And when I work, you know, I'm going to need to be away from them for a little while.
07:53I mean, I already know myself.
07:55Once I start rehearsing, I'm going to feel guilty that I haven't been with my children.
07:59Even if it's a couple of hours, I start feeling that guilt feeling, that trepidation.
08:02Now, I'm really excited for Wendy.
08:04Because she's excited about going back on the road
08:06and doing what she's passionate about with her music.
08:09And that brings more and more to the forefront
08:12of how they need to get things organized and in place
08:15so that she can feel confident about doing that.
08:17So, Hannah, what happens around this kind of time?
08:20You know, is it just, you just grab your brakes when you can?
08:24Or, you know, is there any kind of structure or any kind of routine?
08:28Not really.
08:29I'd spent the best part of a day with this family.
08:31And it seemed like there was no set time for anything
08:34with regards to the kids or the newborns.
08:37And that they just kind of did things when they felt it should be done.
08:40Are you hungry? Did you eat?
08:42You didn't eat? Okay.
08:44Maybe we should plan dinner.
08:47Yeah, you know what? I've got to cook dinner.
08:49What am I thinking?
08:50I wonder if I should bathe them and then have bottles ready.
08:54That would just be a little too much for right now, I think.
08:57Wendy and Dan haven't kept track of the baby's feeding schedule
09:00throughout the day.
09:01When was the last time they were fed?
09:03Um, was it 10?
09:05What time are the babies supposed to eat?
09:07Who knows at this point?
09:08That's what I'm saying. I forgot.
09:10When are your babies due for their feed?
09:13Apparently soon.
09:15Yeah, probably.
09:22Typically a lack of routine will follow into bedtime.
09:25And now what we're seeing is the kids get up in the middle of the night
09:28to go into their mum and dad's bedroom.
09:31So what time do the kids normally go to bed?
09:34Eight.
09:35Eight.
09:36Yeah.
09:37We try for eight.
09:39That's their bedtime.
09:40We try for eight.
09:41We call it a soft eight.
09:42A soft eight.
09:44So then what time would you say early hours in the morning you have company?
09:49Two or three.
09:50Two or three.
09:51So two or three, you feel a foot in your face.
09:53Uh-huh.
09:54Oh yeah.
09:55There you go.
09:56I've been kicked in the head so many times in the middle of the night.
09:59Oh boy.
10:00It's tough enough when you're getting up in the middle of the night
10:03because you've got babies who constantly need to feed.
10:06But now mum and dad have got boys who are jumping into their bed as well.
10:09This family need to sleep.
10:11Bedtime boys.
10:13Bedtime.
10:14I'm gonna go to bed.
10:15To your bed.
10:16You know what?
10:17I can't find your pacifier because it's not where we asked you to leave it today.
10:20Do you know where one of your pacifiers is?
10:22First mum and dad had to hunt high and low for Bo's pacifier.
10:26Something I think a three-year-old shouldn't have anyway.
10:32This is working out great.
10:35Damn, this is very odd.
10:36I don't see them.
10:38So if you don't remember where the paci is, that's it.
10:41You're out here hunting.
10:42Yeah, it's pretty much, it's come to this before.
10:45I know.
10:46I know.
10:47I know that you want paci.
10:49I know that.
10:50Found one.
10:52Ah, the Achilles heel of bedtime.
10:55Once Bo got his pacifier, he went straight off to sleep.
10:59But then I saw Leo demanding more time from mum.
11:04And let's face it, we've still got two babies to deal with.
11:09You must chill.
11:11Okay?
11:12I'll be back soon to check on you.
11:15Wendy feels really guilty about leaving Leo alone, so she engages him.
11:20What she must do is set limits, leave the room, and not allow Leo to make her feel so bad.
11:26I love you.
11:27One more kiss.
11:28One more kiss.
11:29One more kiss.
11:30We can only hope for him to just finally, you know, fall off into oblivion.
11:36Mommy, mommy, come here.
11:41You're taking a long time.
11:44I have my hands full with so many children that I don't have, I don't, it's like I can't,
11:49I don't have time for all my children at once.
11:52You know, I have to pick.
11:54So we have a family here that have got no routine, little discipline, and not much sleep.
12:00So I'm going to head off for the night and make sure that I come back with a good plan for mum and dad.
12:05Get as much sleep as you possibly can in between feeds, so that we can have a good chat tomorrow.
12:10Thank you, it's been a very good observation day.
12:12Thank you for everything.
12:13This family's got a lot of love in it, and really good principles for them moving forward.
12:19But there's a lot that's got to be put in place if mums to feel good about going on tour.
12:34So what I want to start off talking to you both about is structure.
12:39All right.
12:40Structure, you mentioned, is something that you both have been very free with.
12:45However, that lack of structure hasn't led to you now as parents to have framework with your own kids.
12:53There is no consistency.
12:55Well, the key to being able to have the consistency is a routine.
13:00Because it relates to so many different things.
13:02It relates to a consistency with sleeping.
13:04It relates to meal times.
13:07And that is also linked with behaviour.
13:09So you see everything fits into a puzzle.
13:12And the boys do need structure.
13:15And they're not brilliant at wanting to listen.
13:18They've got selective hearing.
13:20Yeah, they really do.
13:21They are blatantly ignoring you.
13:24But if you think they're doing that now, at four and three,
13:27what do you think they're going to do when they're six, Wendy?
13:29Because you've both got very strong opinions and views of how you were raised and what you feel is necessary.
13:39But neither one is willing to step back or to push forward.
13:47And that's where we get the good cop, the bad cop.
13:49Yeah.
13:50Right?
13:51Where do we find that happy medium for us?
13:53And that's something that I'm definitely going to be doing with the pair of you throughout our teaching.
13:58Now, obviously, the newborns have come into the family.
14:01And the boys are wondering where they are in the mix of all of this.
14:05You know, ooh, we were the apple here and we've fallen off the cart.
14:09You know?
14:10Yeah.
14:11It's adjustment for everyone.
14:13Not only for yourselves, but for the toddlers as well.
14:16And what we see is the potty training.
14:20It's not something that we have to over be dramatic about.
14:23But it's there.
14:24It's a natural thing for some children that occurs when there are new additions into the family.
14:30But the pacifier can definitely say we'll need to go.
14:33Okay.
14:34Okay.
14:35Just thinking about him makes me laugh sometimes.
14:38I know, me too.
14:39So, I'm feeling really positive about the things that can be done here.
14:43We up for it?
14:44That's good.
14:45Oh, yeah.
14:46Ready?
14:47Yes.
14:48We better start some work then.
14:49All right.
14:50Okay.
14:56Wendy was raised with an inconsistent routine.
14:59And that suited her family down to the ground.
15:01But with her own kids, she needs to establish a consistent routine.
15:06So, let's place in a routine here.
15:09One of those cornerstones.
15:10Which are the kids' meal times.
15:12All right?
15:13Seeing the schedule makes me know that we don't have to live in the chaos anymore.
15:17The baby's first feed is at what time in the morning?
15:19Oh, six.
15:20Six.
15:21Okay.
15:22So, here was a lot of clutter.
15:24And when they started to place down on paper how they could help themselves, it started
15:30to empower them.
15:31What's an ideal time for dinner?
15:33I'd say six.
15:34Well, it's not like a sit down formal thing.
15:37I would for the children.
15:38Right.
15:39If the children haven't eaten, I would get into the habit of having them at the table.
15:43Okay.
15:44What are your thoughts on that?
15:45That sounds like it's pushing it in the right direction because that's certainly something
15:50I've noticed that when I grew up, my parents wanted me home for dinner.
15:53You know, it was very important.
15:54Yeah.
15:55And I had the opposite.
15:56We didn't really sit down for dinner.
15:57I mean, my mom did with us, but it was never a family ordeal.
16:01I was raised with a very unstructured type of lifestyle.
16:05My father is Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, and my dad was pretty much absent.
16:11Whether he was home or not, he was absent.
16:13So, you know, we were craving normalcy.
16:16So, let's go and stick it up and make it happen.
16:18You did really well.
16:19Very cool.
16:20You did really well.
16:21When we made the day schedule, it really became apparent, you know, how we were going
16:27to make our lives sane.
16:30Once we had finished work on the family routine, Wendy's sister, Carney, came around to rehearse.
16:37Hello.
16:38Oh, hi, Carn.
16:40Hi.
16:41Hey.
16:42Hi there.
16:43Hi, everybody.
16:44And she brought over her little girl.
16:47This is my daughter, Lola.
16:49Hi, Lola.
16:50Lola, look, it's Jojo.
16:51Can you say hi to Jojo?
16:52Hey, Lola, pleased to meet you.
16:54Wendy and Carney needed time to rehearse, so it gave them the opportunity to bite the bullet
16:59and give the girls the quiet time that they needed.
17:01So, plan of action.
17:02We've got all these kids.
17:03And what we want to do is set up something for the kids to be able to do, perhaps in the
17:08backyard or in here.
17:09When I was prompted to go watch, you know, the children, I definitely felt, you know, this
17:15is a situation that I have not been put in before.
17:18Oh, I'm alone with y'all.
17:20You guys doing okay?
17:21And who's doing melody, me or you?
17:22Me.
17:23Okay.
17:24Well, first of all, I've never been in that living room without screaming children running
17:37around.
17:38It was probably the first time we had any quiet time on there.
17:40It was almost awkward.
17:41Oh, sure.
17:42Oh, God.
17:43Oh, Lord.
17:44It modulates, right?
17:45Modulates?
17:46Well, there wasn't really a lot of interaction with our father as a child.
17:53Carney and I would try to play piano with him, you know, and he would teach us little things.
17:58And that's pretty much our real connection in life.
18:01Don't you know things will change?
18:03Things will go your way if you hold on for one more day.
18:09You guys are going to need sunblock, aren't you?
18:12What do you got going on?
18:13I was expecting a little bit more trouble from the whole lot of them than really ever materialized.
18:19One hippo to one kid.
18:21Passion.
18:22It was refreshing to have that moment to myself and to be with my sister and do what I do.
18:26Because that's a passion of mine that I've kind of pushed under the rug.
18:29And I think I need to embrace that a little bit again.
18:32Before I went home for the night, I wanted to tackle Beau's attachment with his pacifier.
18:42There's no need for him to have a pacifier.
18:45He has a blankie and it's an emotional crutch really for him.
18:49This is going to be heartbreaking for me, I have to tell you.
18:52When she said that we're going to have to break the habit of the pacifier, I had no idea what she was going to do.
18:58Beau, this envelope came from somebody very special.
19:02And her name is Penelope, the pacifairy.
19:06Okay.
19:07And when she sees that there are boys in the house that are very big boys and they have pacis,
19:14what she does is that she asks them, okay, to put their pacis into the very special envelope
19:23and to post it so that she could give them to babies that would need them.
19:29No.
19:31And he kind of looked at me and I thought to myself, is he going to do this or not?
19:35I didn't know if he was really going to pick up those pacis.
19:39Look at you, Penelope's going to be so pleased.
19:42Seal that down nice and tightly.
19:44I was really excited that he was just really engulfed in this whole story.
19:48Are you going to put it in the mailbox?
19:51When he took those pacifiers to the mailbox, I just felt very proud of him.
19:55He's growing up when he does that.
19:57Yes!
19:58It felt like we were in a storybook.
20:03And it's in the morning, you're going to go to the mailbox and you're going to get at your very special own envelope.
20:11You know, it just goes to show you when you're really confident and you can bring a touch of magic into the situation,
20:17they actually take that in their own stride and know that everything must be okay then.
20:21Make some bracket! Ready?
20:23One, two, three, go!
20:25Quick, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
20:29It's okay.
20:43Hello.
20:44When I arrived the next day,
20:45I was curious to see how Bo had slept without his pacifier.
20:48So I asked mom.
20:50How was he going to sleep?
20:51Great.
20:52Well, you mentioned it was.
20:54And he had a selfie,
20:55but then he went back to bed or something like that.
20:58Look at that.
20:59Bo, have you been outside?
21:02Bo, Penelope, the fairy's been here.
21:04Can I have a look?
21:06And he went outside,
21:08and he saw the feathers and the glitter.
21:10He's like, the fairies.
21:13And I see what's in the mail.
21:14Oh, my gosh.
21:16And when he opened up the mailbox and saw that parcel,
21:20his little face, he was so excited
21:23that he'd been left something.
21:25Here, I'll help you with this.
21:26Penelope.
21:27Here, you can go in.
21:28Wow.
21:28She calls you an animal?
21:29Animal.
21:30The fact that Joe was able to get him to part with those pacifiers,
21:33I bow down to Joe.
21:36I was pretty surprised that she was able to do it.
21:48With the pacifier gone, it was time to get Wendy and Dan on the same page
21:52with regards to how they were going to discipline the boys.
21:55And to do that, they need to discuss the limitations they feel as parents,
22:00because they both had different upbringings.
22:02So what we are going to do today is to write down the things that we feel limit us.
22:08I've never done anything like that before, but my children are at stake here.
22:14I want to have control over the kids, and always have, but in such a way that I don't
22:20end up being the bad guy or the sergeant.
22:23I feel that in the end, I'm going to alienate my kids to some degree, and I wouldn't want
22:30that.
22:31Why?
22:32Because it happened in my life.
22:33So your limitation here would be the word control.
22:38Only that comes to mind with yourself, Wendy.
22:40Well, I mean, there was no consistency and hardly any boundaries in my family.
22:46So that led you to feel what as a child?
22:49It made me feel a little, like, lost and out of control.
22:53Insecure.
22:54That's the word.
22:55Insecure.
22:56I'm constantly trying to make sure I do everything that I'm supposed to do as a mother, and I
23:01don't want to mess up.
23:03To please for everything.
23:05Yeah.
23:06Needing for the children to accept me, or acceptance, you know?
23:12Acceptance.
23:13That's the one that had to do mostly with my relationship with my parents.
23:19Well, first of all, when you have one parent not there, you want their approval and their
23:25acceptance.
23:26My father is Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, and he's sold millions and millions of records
23:33in his time.
23:34Growing up was fun.
23:36I mean, we got to go on tour, but it was also very lonely at times because we grew up
23:42in a really huge home, and my dad was pretty much absent.
23:47Whether he was home or not, he was absent.
23:50So, it was hard for us because we really lacked that fatherly love and that figure in our lives.
23:56With my father, I guess I never got the validation that I needed.
24:00Yeah.
24:01He's a very elusive, you know, person.
24:04I think that the world got more from Brian Wilson than I did, yeah.
24:07I mean, but I kind of realized that he just wasn't able to do everything, and that's what he focused on.
24:16I've really moved on, honestly, you know, and I don't dwell on things like that.
24:24I'm not as judgmental because now I see it through my children, and I feel like I can forgive.
24:33I guess in the beginning of the exercise, I thought, how is this relevant to our situation?
24:38Why do we have to get so sappy right now?
24:40But then I realized that it really was crucial and essential to the whole process we're going through.
24:53Getting Wendy to really open up about how lonely she felt as a child really helped her to realize
24:59how difficult it is to leave her own boys at bedtime.
25:03Don't put your pirate pajamas on.
25:06You could say that I'm a little anxious about it, but we really need our bed back and our sleep back.
25:12These lights off, Mum.
25:14I knew that if Wendy understood the importance of the boys sleeping in their own beds,
25:18that she just might pull herself away, and it would make bedtime a lot easier.
25:24If they really want you now, okay, what they're going to do is they're going to come out.
25:30You're then going to do the stay in bed technique, which is to take them back into their bed and say,
25:35it's bedtime, darling.
25:37The second time they come out, you say bedtime, and you put them back in.
25:42And the third time you say nothing, and you take them straight back into their bed.
25:45Okay, so that they're not rewarded with communication, because there has to be a cut-off limit, you know.
25:50Bedtime is bedtime now.
25:52It's you.
25:53So remember, no conversation.
25:55Okay, what's the first thing we say?
25:57Bedtime, darling.
25:58What the?
25:59Bedtime, darling.
26:00Okay.
26:01Can you sit here with me?
26:04Sit here.
26:05Sit here.
26:06Sit here.
26:07So this is what's going on right now.
26:13They're in their beds, and they're used to calling, calling, calling all the time, and you going in.
26:18Wendy was strong, and she simply led them straight back to bed.
26:22And even though they cried, within 20 minutes, they were fast asleep.
26:25The question remains, however, will they get up and go into their mum and dad's bed?
26:31So I curved up on the couch to find out.
26:34Good night.
26:35Good night.
26:36Are you sure I can?
26:37Can I get you anything?
26:38I'm fine.
26:39I'll have nanny's takeout.
26:41Okay.
26:42I'll sit down.
26:43Good night.
26:44Good night.
26:46Good night.
26:51When I went to bed, I was dreading the whole process.
26:53I knew that, you know, this was going to be cold turkey for them.
26:57I knew that they were going to have to actually sleep in their beds the whole night.
27:01I want you.
27:03I want you, Mommy.
27:05Sure enough, Leo and Beau got up, and headed to their mum and dad's bedroom.
27:11bedroom. However, as tough as it was for Wendy, she led them straight back into
27:16their bedroom. So it was a major victory for this family.
27:21You know, it was hard for me. It was really hard for me to be honest. I had to
27:26change my ways and do it and it was it was for the best and I'm glad I did it.
27:30It's the first time in a long time they've slept in their own beds.
27:34I know, I know. Yeah, I think they're gonna sleep better too.
27:39The last time Dan and I slept alone, I can't even remember, to be honest with
27:46you. With this family snug in bed, it was time for me to leave. But if mum and dad
27:52don't keep up what we've put in place, then it just might come tumbling down.
27:56But only time will tell.
27:59After leaving Wendy and Dan alone for four days, I was eager to see how they did. It's
28:11my favorite part. Friend. Are you?
28:14Uh-huh. Let's take a look.
28:18Okay, time for bed. In your bed now. Get in your bed now. Bo, Bo, you put that book down
28:26right now. Bo, look at me.
28:28Did you hear what I said?
28:31Yes.
28:32Then lay down. Sleep well.
28:35Words.
28:38What a marked improvement, huh?
28:41Incredible, really.
28:42I just love the way you've just been able to, you know, switch and change.
28:46You've gone from being very calm and reading stories, and as soon as they get up out of bed,
28:51you change your tone, and you say, no, come on, that's enough. Well done, pair of you. Well done.
28:58Come on, guys. Don't argue. Just do it together.
29:00Leah wanted to do it the other way.
29:02Hey, Mommy, I don't want to do it.
29:04Oh, my goodness. Get.
29:06Go to your time out right now.
29:08You do not hit your brother ever.
29:10Mommy.
29:11You never hit him like that.
29:12Never.
29:13Mommy, that was short of me.
29:15You're going to stay in this chair because you hit your brother.
29:18I put you in this time out because you hit your brother.
29:23And that was not acceptable.
29:28Now, you go apologize to your brother.
29:31No!
29:33All right. Thank you for doing that, Leah.
29:35Of course, you did the right thing.
29:37He hit his brother.
29:39Of course, he was going to go on that naughty chair.
29:41So, Leo and Beau recognize I do this and I end up in time out on the naughty chair.
29:48Very good.
29:50Well, I'm feeling frazzled because I'm not getting enough rest.
29:53We're trying to stay on the schedule, but the babies are making their own schedule.
29:56So, I'm figuring 10.45, maybe we'll feed the twins.
29:59I wouldn't necessarily wake them up to feed.
30:03Because if they can end up on that 12, 3, 6, 9 schedule, that would be best.
30:08Okay. All right.
30:12This is proof that I really have a big question mark over my head.
30:16I want to get on schedule. I don't know how.
30:19When I did your schedule, it's a three-hour feed.
30:21And they're going to start to sleep longer during the night and go through with that.
30:25And if it means that they wake up at 7, great.
30:27You're going to start your three hours from then.
30:30We still have really tried to stick to the schedule.
30:32And even if we're off a half hour, it still seems to be like a wonderful thing, you know?
30:38And it's been really, it's been great for us.
30:41For two people that had no schedule, it's been good for the pair of you with kids, right?
30:48Even with the schedule, it's very, a demanding day.
30:51But still, it makes it a little more doable.
30:55Do you have poopoo in your diaper?
30:58Nope.
30:59Really?
31:00Let me have a look, okay?
31:02Because if you're dirty, I want to change you.
31:04You have a big load in your diaper.
31:06Let's take off the dirty diaper.
31:08Come on.
31:09This is where diapers are changed.
31:11What? Why?
31:12And you're wearing a diaper.
31:14I'm wearing a diaper.
31:16Why?
31:17It's because you demand that you're not going to go poopoo in the potty.
31:25Getting rather good at that now, Dan.
31:27Yeah.
31:28So we need to start the slate clean again with this.
31:33And what I'm going to do is just very clearly give you some guidelines
31:36that I want you to just be able to start from the beginning and finish.
31:39So I'm going to be working on those particular things with you
31:43and I'm going to be tweaking everything.
31:45So are we good with what we've seen?
31:46Yes.
31:47Yep.
31:48Any questions?
31:49Okay, so I'm eager to get cracking, so let's go.
31:52Okay.
31:55Mum and Dad have become more confident,
31:57so I want to be able to show them how they can step outside the box
32:00and handle any situation if it arises.
32:03This is what we're going to do.
32:04We're going to have an experience of taking the whole family to a restaurant.
32:08One of my bigger fears with having four children is going out to dinner.
32:12I'm going to teach you guys on the get-go once we're there
32:15things that are going to make it easier for you all to go as a family to the restaurant.
32:18Dan was actually worried.
32:20He could feel himself getting tense.
32:22Like, what is this going to be like?
32:24They're so quiet.
32:25Maybe they should hang out and eat their bottles on the sidewalk with the traffic.
32:29So we pulled up to the restaurant and I could see that Dan was a little nervous.
32:34So the first thing that we could do is set up expectations.
32:38So Leo, Beau, we'd like you guys to stay in your seats, okay?
32:42We don't want you running around and we don't want you yelling out and making big noises, okay?
32:47For Dan, it's more about he doesn't want to disturb other people.
32:53Don't do what that kid just did.
32:56Lemonade too.
32:57Lemonade?
32:59Beau, I don't want you to play with the silverware anymore.
33:02Yes, please.
33:04Beau, please don't make any loud noises.
33:08Hey, let's not play.
33:10Can you sit and just be without playing?
33:14By implementing the direct talking approach, you know, you get down and you look at your kid in the eye and you tell them what you're expecting of them.
33:22That makes all the difference.
33:24I need some more bread.
33:26Oh, boy.
33:27Somebody will come over.
33:28I just want you to remain calm about it.
33:29Because at the end of the day, that's what happens.
33:31Yeah.
33:33Beau, your choice is this.
33:35Sit still and be quiet or you can eat your quesadilla.
33:40After Dan had to tell Beau to behave himself a few times, he had to make it very clear that throwing silverware was not on the menu.
33:47This is your last chance.
33:50This is your last chance to do what we're asking.
33:53Firm voice, Dan.
33:54Now, you sit straight in your chair and you stop playing with silverware and you eat your quesadilla.
33:59I was proud of how Dan spoke sternly and directly to Beau.
34:04And I know that as long as this family are armed with techniques, then they're always going to be able to eat out in a restaurant with confidence and in peace.
34:12Dan, what came out of today?
34:14Give me all the positives that have come out of the experience of being in a restaurant today.
34:17Um, well, I think that Wendy and I are learning how to handle situations that arise every time we go out to eat.
34:23Yes.
34:24And we're going to get to a point where they know that we actually mean business and we're going to be consistent with the things that we tell them.
34:31Before Joe gave us the tools to work with those things, it would have just degenerated into, don't do this, don't do it.
34:38Hey, stop doing that.
34:39Pick that up.
34:40Why just, you know.
34:41And we would have gotten nowhere.
34:42It would have been just, you know, a constant struggle.
34:44This family have done extremely well.
34:49But the one thing that I haven't been able to address yet is Beau's potty habits.
34:54So I want to be able to lead them with a few tips for when I'm gone.
34:57He feels ashamed now.
34:58Or he lies because he doesn't want to get into trouble.
35:01And that's because we've gone the route of being nice and then scolding him for doing that, you know.
35:06If you speak to Beau.
35:07Like the big boy he is because he's very capable and able to go to the toilet.
35:14No doing poo-poos in your pants.
35:17You're a big boy now.
35:18Okay.
35:19So that he realizes that you know that he can do.
35:23You're going to go to the party?
35:26Are you going to go to the party?
35:28No.
35:29Just after I explained it, Beau got up and he marched straight into the bathroom.
35:34It was great and a real surprise.
35:37Oh my goodness.
35:40You're on the potty.
35:41What a big boy.
35:43He surprised me by getting in there and doing his business.
35:47Yay.
35:48Well done.
35:51My little Beau listens to everything and he wanted to show everybody what a big boy he was.
35:57And I was so proud of him.
35:59I really was.
36:00Well I'm going to leave you guys.
36:03Just keep up the work.
36:04Okay.
36:05Alright.
36:06Just keep up the work and give me a big hug.
36:08Joe changed our lives.
36:10We've really been given tools to really help our family.
36:14Give us a hug Dan.
36:16Joe really helped us a lot already and I'm looking forward to reaping the rewards in the future.
36:21And a hug.
36:22Hey you're living alone.
36:23Wendy and Dan were both raised very differently but it hasn't stopped them from recognising
36:32what they need to do for their own family and that's what's important.
36:36They make a great team.
36:37Okay.
36:38Take care.
36:39Take care.
36:40Bye boys.
36:41Bye bye.
36:42I'll be rockin' on the right!
36:55Rock!
36:57It's been such a rewarding experience for us and meeting Joe and I think we've gained so
37:05this and I wouldn't trade it for the world definitely noticing a change in my
37:19family specifically Leo and Bo
37:27the boys have grown immensely in such a short period of time it's incredible
37:34we have grown because we had to look within and see how we parent and how
37:40we're affecting our children are you gonna play in the sand too I really
37:44appreciate the way that she related to Wendy because Wendy really really needs
37:49that kind of a person if you were my duckling and I were your mama duck I
37:53paddled toward the shore at sunset and you'd follow right behind I really do
37:57believe that we're gonna continue with this journey that we're on with the
38:01boys I think is working for us I mean why why stop a good thing you know one
38:07more story and then it's lights out really she's set us on a path to success
38:11in a lot of ways because it's all there if you're ready to learn overall it's it's
38:17just a huge positive
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