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  • 5 months ago
Amberlynn starts the vlog by telling us she ate thousands and thousands of calories yesterday. She has things to do today that might keep her from achieving her 8,000 steps so she’s alright uncertain in her ability to follow through with her challenge. The challenge started off well, but since going off track two days ago, she’s been having issues trying to redirect her eating habits, which means she’s sharing a new highest weight. She takes us with her out into nature for 2.5 seconds before we’re back in the car on the way home. We get a voiceover of the food she ordered while out, then she sits down to share the rest of the meal she didn’t document and some of the thoughts she had throughout the day. She says she was unfazed seeing 500 on her scale and doesn’t understand how she’s on autopilot. She’s still trying to find the right calorie limit. Too little, she feels restricted, too many and she feels the need to meet the limit with empty calories. Amberlynn feels that she’s ready to open up more to the viewers regarding her weight loss struggles in order to find what really works for her.
Transcript
00:00hey guys okay so today i am going for a wedding i'm pretty much ready we have to leave in about
00:0815 minutes a little bit about yesterday pretty much stuff that you already know oh by the way
00:14today is day six a little bit about yesterday that you guys pretty much already know just a
00:22roundabout like i ate thousands and thousands and thousands of calories two days in a row
00:28i didn't drink water super swollen i just feel kind of like yesterday was really bad like i was
00:32just like i felt in pain like my feet hurt worse than usual the mixture of just like the constant
00:38walking and the mixture of being swollen like i felt lethargic i felt just like sluggish like i
00:43couldn't do anything it kind of got to me mentally so i didn't complete my steps i was just yesterday
00:49was really bad so today is a new day i do have a new fitbit which i'm super excited i have the charge
00:54too so i'm super excited for that so far today including last night after midnight so far i've
00:59gathered 1336 steps i want to get over 8 000 steps today but i do have a wedding to go to i do have
01:06a dinner to go to because of the wedding that's going to take a lot of my time up it's still really
01:10early right now so we'll see i have a lot of driving well i don't drive a lot of sitting in a car
01:16so we're going to see how that goes i'll keep you guys updated i don't know what i'm getting at the
01:20restaurant i've never been to this restaurant before i've never really heard of it before so i will
01:24just like show you guys what i get there um so my weigh-in today
01:33i'm retaining a lot of water obviously i gain true weight as well just from how many calories i've
01:42been eating it's day six i should be down easily eight pounds five pounds i should be down weight
01:48instead i've gained weight since i started this challenge so i have a new starting weight it seems
01:53like i just keep gaining um so my weight today i've never weighed this much ever i'm i don't even
02:03want to say it out loud it's it's weird um it seems too real when i say it out loud my weight today was
02:08500.6
02:10so that means i'm up what like almost three pounds from yesterday
02:20i only got about four hours of sleep ate horribly didn't drink any water so
02:28i'm watching him hi becky hi
02:40look at this baby is that comfy
02:55is that a comfy
02:58i just wanted to show you guys this picture after the wedding we all went out to eat so there is becky
03:07and i i think that's such a cute picture of us so i told you guys i'll tell you what i got to eat
03:11i didn't choose healthy not surprised i'll talk more about that later i got some cheesy mashed
03:15potatoes they were all right and here i decided to get something different it is flounder stuffed
03:21with crab stuffing topped with like a lobster cream i don't know i just wanted to try something
03:27different thinking about it now obviously i should have just stayed on track i know a lot of people
03:32are upset with me and let down with me and i'm sorry i really am hey guys so usually when i sit
03:39here and film it's kind of blurry so i do apologize if i'm going in and out of focus just focus on my
03:45words it's super late at night and this is like the only position where the light is decent i do have
03:52some things i want to talk about with you guys so you guys saw what i ate at the restaurant i also
03:56had a caesar salad which i forgot to take a picture of so i wanted to tell you guys about that
04:00there was like this appetizer that we got it was croissants so i had three of those as well so i
04:06wrote down some of the things i want to talk about because i forget all the time what i want to say it's
04:10just like really bad habit this is still filming yes i want to edit this as least as possible because
04:15i have to get this scheduled for tomorrow i wrote down i have moments where i care moments where i don't
04:20almost as if i want food more than i want to lose weight then i have immediate regret what i meant by
04:26that is i'm not even kidding i reached over 500 pounds today and i didn't care i have a new starting
04:31weight it seems like i just keep gaining um
04:34so my weight today i've never weighed this much ever i'm i don't even want to say it out loud it's
04:42it's weird um it seems too real when i say it out loud my weight today was 500.6
04:48there's something wrong with that there's something very scary about that why don't i care
04:57there are people who reach 180 pounds and care why don't i care that i'm half of a thousand pounds
05:05um why don't i care i feel like a lot of the time i stop focusing so much on the bad things that can
05:14happen to me while being morbidly obese and i focus on fairy tale land i don't focus on the fact
05:19that i can just drop dead any minute i can have a heart attack get diabetes i can die in my sleep
05:24i could have sleep apnea i forget these things because i don't think about them and i feel like
05:28i need to think about those things more i know that sounds crazy because i want just positivity in
05:33my life but like why don't i care i need to care and i feel like that's the issue i need to love
05:39myself more because i know if somebody i love say my girlfriend my mom someone my dad my brother
05:45if one of them weighed 500 pounds i would care and i'd be like you can't keep doing this to yourself
05:50so i need to find that love for myself something else i wrote down was i go back and forth between
05:55how many calories i should eat when i eat too little i do not eat too much i choose the wrong foods that's
06:00something else that frustrates me i go very back and forth one minute i'm like you know what
06:04a whole rarity's playing with a toy one minute i'm like you know what i'm just gonna do you know
06:101500 calories so i can drop the weight quickly so i can choose healthier foods because healthier foods
06:15are lower in calories you know salads and orange you know things like that are lower in calories so
06:21you eat more to feel full and that's me choosing more healthier options so but then if i'm like okay
06:28you know what maybe i should just do 2600 calories like my fitness pal wants me to do but i find when i do
06:33have so many calories i try my hardest to make healthy you know breakfast lunches and dinners
06:39but then i i still have like 1200 calories at the end of the night and i'm like
06:45if my goal is to eat 2600 calories then what do i do with these 1200 calories that's when i choose
06:53candy and a ben and jerry's ice cream that's when i choose the bad foods to fill all those extra
06:59calories so i'm just having a hard time like finding what works for me something i've noticed
07:05is this challenge is no longer about how many steps a day i take this challenge well if you
07:10guys are curious um it's 11 52 p.m and i'm taking 3870 so nowhere near 8 000 but this challenge is no
07:18longer a number on my fitbit it's no longer i want to say it's no longer a number on the scale but i feel
07:23like you know obviously it is this is a journey for me to lose weight and to get healthy all that ties
07:29into a number on the scale but i feel like this is a journey to find what is right for me and i feel
07:34like i like when i first started youtube i was so raw with my weight loss journey and i feel like
07:39i'm coming back as that person again for a while there i stopped i was very just like black and
07:44white i didn't go within myself and share how i truly felt and now i am this is a journey of kind
07:51of like self-discovery and sharing with you guys the true struggles of what i am going through
07:55and what i go through behind closed doors what else i wrote was talk about what i ate tonight
08:00how i had no second thoughts is that just a food and food makes me angry food makes me very angry
08:06so on top of going to the restaurant today for like a lunch for dinner i had mexican food i ordered
08:11three extra sides of mexican rice and i ate every single bit of it i felt no
08:17like i wasn't ashamed i didn't care there were no second thoughts my food is really bad lately it
08:25seems like it's hard to like gain control and i'm trying to find that control it's been very
08:30frustrating as much as you know food numbs me food also makes me very very angry i just feel like food
08:37is there to comfort me but it also hurts me i will see you guys tomorrow for day seven i'm not giving up
08:43thank you guys for watching and i'll see you in my next video bye
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