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EastSiders Gay Theme TV Series

Drama, Romance, Comedy, Action, Fantasy, Crime, Thriller

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Transcript
00:00You knew it was time to leave from your home.
00:19God, I'm gonna miss it.
00:22I feel like this city is just so alive, you know?
00:26Like, I feel like New York's the city that really changes you.
00:29Like how war changes you?
00:32Sort of.
00:34I mean, it definitely leaves a mark.
00:36It has this laugh on the face.
00:38Hey, I'm just trying to see the good of that.
00:40Okay, but you fucking hate it in here.
00:42It's literally all you would talk about all year.
00:44It's not true.
00:45Oh, yeah?
00:46Well, I didn't hate everything about it.
00:48I love not having to drive.
00:49I love not getting stuck in traffic everywhere.
00:51Because we didn't have a car.
00:54We didn't have a car because we didn't have to have a car.
00:58I love that we have a car.
01:00I love that we have this car right now.
01:02Okay, fine.
01:04I also love that your mom, Impulse, bought us a car.
01:07Congratulations.
01:08You're a fucking Vanderbilt.
01:10You're Anderson Cooper.
01:11That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
01:13You know that I dyed my hair gray in college.
01:15I love taking the subway.
01:17I love the feeling of being anywhere I wanted in an hour.
01:20You know, going to a museum, wandering to some cool new restaurant.
01:24Seeing anybody I wanted.
01:26Unless they lived in Brooklyn.
01:27Or the Bronx.
01:28Or Harlem.
01:29Or really anywhere in Manhattan, unless you're already in Manhattan.
01:32And honestly, even then, because we couldn't afford to go out to eat.
01:34Put it on mommy's credit card.
01:36That card is for emergency uses only.
01:37You know that.
01:38You want to talk about debt?
01:40At least my debt's my debt.
01:41Your debt is our debt?
01:42It's not that much.
01:43It's more than my student loans.
01:45Ugh, don't remind me.
01:46I don't even want to think about my student loans.
01:48I have to remind you about your student loans, because otherwise you don't pay your student loans.
01:51I don't pay them because I can't afford my student loans.
01:53What was it you were saying about wandering in a cool restaurant?
01:56I love it.
01:57I love all of the cool restaurants and coffee shops, and I'm going to miss finding something new and unique and amazing every single time we leave the apartment.
02:04All the cool, amazing, and unique things that we couldn't afford, so we almost never left the apartment.
02:09Well, I'm going to miss the apartment.
02:11I had a lot of good times there.
02:12On a cute little deck.
02:14The apartment that could fit entirely within the bedroom of our apartment in Los Angeles?
02:19Yeah.
02:20Yeah, you're right.
02:21Fuck our New York apartment.
02:23It didn't have any closet.
02:25It was a closet.
02:26Cat hated it here.
02:28Cat did seem depressed.
02:34Of course he did.
02:43Everything is expensive and disgusting in New York.
02:45It's too hot, it's too cold, and everybody you meet is mean to you.
02:48I did hate everyone we met.
02:49And the people that we didn't meet.
02:51Just the people on the subway screaming and shoving and crying in different languages.
02:55The subway is the worst.
02:56The people are terrible.
02:57People will roofie you.
02:58I can't believe we got roofied.
03:00Twice.
03:01We got roofied twice.
03:02And the smells.
03:04The vomit everywhere.
03:05The vomit on the street.
03:06The vomit on the subway.
03:07Okay, I only vomited on the subway once.
03:10Once is enough.
03:11I apologize to you and the entire car.
03:15You vomited in a cab.
03:17That's worse.
03:22Everyone on Fire Island is mean and stupid.
03:25We were on Fire Island and we were mean the whole time.
03:28It's so stupid.
03:29We danced with our shirts off.
03:30It was like somebody put a vet middler and hocus pocus spell on us.
03:33I can't believe we got roofied.
03:35I'm just glad I don't remember it.
03:40Will you miss anything?
03:41About New York?
03:44Let's build your own salad restaurants.
03:46The ones where they chop up the salad for you.
03:48Those are so good.
03:49Oh God.
03:50Grab it and go.
03:51So easy.
03:53Seriously though.
03:54Just what you said.
03:59It's that feeling that you could leave your house and anything could happen.
04:03You could become the person that you were meant to be in a minute.
04:08And sometimes walking down the street felt like I was already the person I was meant to be.
04:17And then I'd pass a homeless person covered in pizza rats and nihilism and I'd think to myself is that who that person is meant to be?
04:23I mean who did that person come here to be?
04:27Covered in nihilism.
04:28Maybe that's me.
04:29Maybe that's me.
04:30Maybe that's me.
04:32Well...
04:34Goodbye to all that.
04:36Goodbye to all that shit.
04:37And on to New Jersey.
04:38Another shit state.
04:39Shut up.
04:40New Jersey.
04:41Finally.
04:42Yeah.
04:43We should probably get some guys from this town.
04:44Already?
04:45Yeah.
04:46We've been in the car for hours.
04:47Never want to drive in Manhattan again.
04:48I never want you to drive in Manhattan again.
04:49Jesus.
04:50I had to.
04:51I had to.
04:52I had to get my ship from the gallery.
04:53You couldn't do that yesterday?
04:54No.
04:55We're not.
04:56We're not.
04:57We're not.
04:58We're not.
04:59We're not.
05:00You're not.
05:01We're not.
05:02I'm afraid to go to the house.
05:04Why don't you do that?
05:05To us.
05:06Can we're not?
05:07Uh, we should probably get some gas for this town.
05:09Already?
05:10Yeah, we've been in the car for hours.
05:12I never want to drive in Manhattan again.
05:14I never want you to drive in Manhattan again.
05:16Jesus.
05:17I had to.
05:18I had to get my shit from the gallery.
05:20You couldn't do that yesterday?
05:22No.
05:23We'd have to take the cab back to Queens.
05:25Probably would have been cheaper.
05:27Gas is insane right now.
05:29Fuck, this trip was gonna be expensive.
05:32I wish it was just flown.
05:34Look how your mom got us this car to go on a road trip like this.
05:37I mean, when are we gonna have a chance to ever do anything like this again?
05:40I don't know, probably whenever we want because we're both unemployed.
05:43I'm sort of employed.
05:45Jared said that I could take some shifts at the restaurant.
05:48Oh great, let's uh, let's get a house in Palm Springs.
05:51It's gonna be fine.
05:53I'm sure Paul will let you back at the gallery.
05:55If I have sex with him.
05:56I've always wanted to have sex with Paul.
05:58You know, honestly, I don't even think he would fuck me right now.
06:01He was in a fucking failure and his wife would kill him.
06:04She fucking hates me.
06:05She just told me to my face that she hates me.
06:07They lost a lot of money on my show.
06:10Well, good for you. Art isn't about making money.
06:13It's at least partially about making money.
06:15Yeah, but it's like 60, 70% not about making money.
06:1830, 40.
06:20I write essays.
06:22And they're great.
06:23And you should collect them into like a collection or something
06:25and get a literary agent and sell that shit.
06:27No.
06:28I much prefer donating my work to blogs for free.
06:30I love it.
06:31You know what?
06:32Honestly, sometimes it seems like you do.
06:33Oh, can we not have this conversation right now?
06:35Sure, we'll just wing it when we get to California.
06:37That worked out fucking great for us last time.
06:39Hey, we moved to New York for you.
06:41For your career.
06:42We also went for you and your career.
06:44Well, it turns out The Atlantic isn't interested in a 30-year-old intern.
06:48Weird.
06:49Weird.
06:50Get some gas.
06:51You open a fucking vein.
06:52You open a vein while I get gas.
06:54Hey, I'm getting road snacks.
06:59Are you gonna be like this the whole trip?
07:01No.
07:02I don't know.
07:03I'm sorry.
07:04I'm trying not to freak out, but I don't know how.
07:06Well, just don't freak out.
07:07Always works for me.
07:09I'm not you.
07:10Do you want Twizzlers?
07:12Of course I want Twizzlers.
07:17I got it, boss.
07:18Oh, weird.
07:20You can't smoke that here.
07:22Right.
07:23Gasoline.
07:24Boom.
07:25It's not funny.
07:26It actually happens.
07:27Sorry.
07:32Mama.
07:52Hey there.
07:53Mind if I bought my cigarette?
07:55It's my last one.
07:58But we can share it.
08:01Okay.
08:02You're pretty bold.
08:07I'm a Marlboro man.
08:09It makes you so sure I'm not gonna hate crime you.
08:11Well, I thought about it and decided it was worth the risk.
08:15Do you live around here?
08:16Nah.
08:17I'm just passing through.
08:18You?
08:19Ah, no.
08:20No.
08:21We're in L.A. actually.
08:22We?
08:23Yeah.
08:24My boyfriend is inside getting sex.
08:26Cute.
08:27Mm-hmm.
08:28Yeah, he is.
08:29He's very cute.
08:30I'll be the judge of that.
08:31Where are you guys going?
08:32Back to L.A. actually.
08:33Me too.
08:34Seriously?
08:35Yeah.
08:36Give me your phone.
08:37We should run into each other again.
08:38Yeah.
08:39Yeah.
08:40Yeah.
08:41Maybe.
08:42Do you want another one?
08:43Yeah.
08:44Do you want another one?
08:45No.
08:46No.
08:47No.
08:48No.
08:49No.
08:50No.
08:51No.
08:52No.
08:53No.
08:54No.
08:55No.
08:56No.
08:57No.
08:58No.
08:59No.
09:00No.
09:01No.
09:02No.
09:03No.
09:04No.
09:05No.
09:06No.
09:07No.
09:08Oh.
09:09No.
09:10No.
09:11No.
09:12No.
09:13You never even heard another one?
09:14I thought this was your last one.
09:15Well it was and I thought you you're some guy from New Jersey.
09:19Hey, I am some guy from New Jersey.
09:21Is there a farms in New Jersey?
09:22Why does everyone think I grew up on a farm?
09:25I'll see you on the road.
09:35Hey.
09:36Hi.
09:37I can drive if you want.
09:40Yeah.
09:41Yeah.
09:42Yeah.
09:43Yeah.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Yeah.
09:46Yeah.
09:47Yeah.
09:48Yeah.
09:49Yeah.
09:50Aw.
09:51The brawny guy tried to pick me up in the parking lot.
09:52Who?
09:53He's inside.
09:54He sent me pics, too.
09:55So hot.
09:56It's kind of hard to tell from a picture of his dick next to a remote control.
09:59Scroll up.
10:00Wow.
10:01And he's going to L.A.
10:03Oh, yeah.
10:04Oh, yeah.
10:05Oh, yeah.
10:06Oh, yeah.
10:07Oh, yeah.
10:08Oh, yeah.
10:09Oh, yeah.
10:10Oh, yeah.
10:11Oh, yeah.
10:12Oh, yeah.
10:13Oh, yeah.
10:15Oh, yeah.
10:16Oh, yeah.
10:17Oh, yeah.
10:18Oh, yeah.
10:19Oh, yeah.
10:20Are you serious right now?
10:21What?
10:22Seriously?
10:23You can't even drive across the country without fucking some guy?
10:26Why would you want to drive across the country without fucking some guy?
10:28Because we're sex addicts, and this is supposed to be a romantic fucking trip.
10:32I mean, I get it, but we're sex addicts.
10:35So?
10:36So we should maybe rein it in a little bit, don't you think?
10:39Why?
10:40I don't have an answer I fully believe.
10:43You're such a fucking slut when you eat Twizzlers like that.
10:46I love eating Twizzlers.
10:48Of course.
10:49Of course.
10:50If it happens, it happens.
10:52And I want it to happen.
10:53Okay, great.
10:54Save money on hotels, I guess.
10:56Pull up the map.
10:59We're going on a little detour.
11:02Why?
11:03It's a surprise.
11:05It better not be a sex surprise.
11:07It's not surprise sex.
11:08Because the sex surprise right now would be rape.
11:10I do not consent to surprise sex.
11:12Arlen sent me another photo.
11:14Arlen?
11:15Seriously?
11:16Arlen.
11:17Okay, that's definitely Photoshopped.
11:20Okay.
11:21Where the hell are we?
11:34It's a surprise, all right?
11:35There are farms in New Jersey.
11:36Hi.
11:37Is it a surprise I was getting killed?
11:41You hear about the canned ham?
11:42I'm a vegetarian.
11:43Yes.
11:44I'm Tom.
11:45It's around the corner.
11:46Okay, where the hell are we?
11:47It's a surprise, all right?
11:49There are farms in New Jersey.
11:54Hi.
11:55Is this a surprise I was getting killed?
11:58You hear about the canned ham?
12:01I'm a vegetarian.
12:02Yes, I'm Tom.
12:08It's around the corner.
12:16Here she is, I think she's a 63, I just want her off my fucking property.
12:30Don't be mad, I've already put it down the deposit.
12:40This is so fucking ridiculous.
12:42Oh, come on, it is such a good deal.
12:46We'll save money on hotels, and then we can sell it when we get back to L.A.
12:50You know that there's some home-owned ecopark who will buy it for twice as much as what we paid for it
12:56and turn it into some microbrewery.
12:57You are such a fucking easy mark, you would buy land in Florida.
13:00What does that even mean?
13:01I don't know.
13:03It's just something that my mom would say to my dad whenever he would try to buy some stupid shit.
13:07I hope it's not racist.
13:08You don't think that this is just a little bit amazing?
13:12Okay, it's a little bit amazing.
13:14I don't even have so much sex in this bed.
13:18This is towards us to a bed?
13:19Yeah, yeah, you pushed it out.
13:22We're definitely getting bed bugs.
13:24Well, we'll get them together.
13:26I don't like that time we got gonorrhea.
13:28Shut up.
13:29I want this trip to be fun.
13:33I do.
13:34I know.
13:35I'm just scared.
13:36Of what?
13:37Uncertainty.
13:38Well, there's always going to be uncertainty.
13:39We'll always be scared of it.
13:40But just because we think that there's something under the bed, it doesn't mean there is something
13:45under the bed.
13:46I don't know if there is something under the bed.
13:47I don't know if there is something under the bed.
13:48We have gone our entire childhood without ever having anything under the bed.
13:52Well, that's not true.
13:53My cat would hide under the bed when I was a kid and scratch my ankles whenever I got
13:54up to go to the bathroom.
13:55That's really weird.
13:56I blame my mother.
13:57She roughhoused with him as a kitten.
13:58Oh my god, that explains so much.
13:59Shut up.
14:00Look, I'm just saying we have a safety net.
14:01We're lucky we can afford to take risks like this.
14:03I really do not.
14:05I'm just saying there's a lot of our kids.
14:06If we take care of being an entrepreneur or anything, it doesn't mean there is something
14:10under the bed.
14:11I don't know if there is something under the bed.
14:12But I don't know if there is something under the bed.
14:13We have gone our entire childhood without ever having anything under the bed.
14:15No, that's not true.
14:17My cat would hide under the bed when I was a kid and scratch my ankles whenever I forgot
14:22safety net we're lucky we can afford to take risks like this well that's the
14:27most white privilege thing I've heard all day first rule of white privilege is
14:31you don't talk about white privilege okay hey this is gonna be the best road
14:39trip ever this is gonna be the best for a trip ever how much do you think we can
14:51get for selling our plasma I don't think they let alcoholics up last one he's gonna
14:56tell them so what do you boys think it's amazing you two queers yes give you a 10% discount friends
15:15of family that is very generous but I don't know this is for us throw in the jackalope we'll take it
15:26great
15:27no all no barriers we talk without a word your eyes with no concern your heart forever turned
15:44when you're losing faith in all you've done gotta get away from everyone
15:51leave your broken heart outside let the music pacify no one near just you and I
16:00dream in the house
16:02dream in the house
16:06forever in the house
16:27this is so weird yeah but kind of fun right kind of fun this mattress is definitely from the
16:491960s yeah yeah I feel like it's like made of wood do you think it's gonna make a lot of noise what
16:58best road trip ever best road trip ever oh I'm so glad you decided to be fun
17:14forever in the house
17:21forever in the house
17:25forever in the house
17:41forever in the house
17:48forever in the house
17:52forever in the house
17:54forever in the house
17:56forever in the house
17:57forever in the house
17:58forever in the house
17:59forever in the house
18:00forever in the house
18:01forever in the house
18:02forever in the house
18:04forever in the house
18:06forever in the house
18:07forever in the house
18:08forever in the house
18:09Get off your phone. Don't scruff and drive.
18:13I'm not driving.
18:15Yeah, well, don't scruff while I'm driving.
18:17Go on Facebook.
18:19There are no dick pics on Facebook.
18:21You'd be surprised.
18:23Is your friend Arlen on there?
18:25I can't find him.
18:27I know.
18:29I think we caught up to him in Illinois.
18:31Probably past him at the rate you were going.
18:35If you're gonna be on your phone the whole trip,
18:39you could at least look up the next campsite.
18:43You got sleepy?
18:45Yeah.
18:47Well, you're fine.
18:49Just need a Red Bull or something.
18:51Red Bull? What, are we going to the club?
18:53No.
18:55Trying to get out of Oklahoma.
18:57What's the rush?
18:59Just want to get back to L.A. to start our new lives.
19:01Pick up the pieces of our old ones.
19:03Yeah, but why do we need to do that this week?
19:07It's giving me an anxiety disorder.
19:09You've already had an anxiety disorder.
19:10It's exacerbating my anxiety disorder.
19:12Well, you're gonna be anxious in L.A. too.
19:14Yeah, but then I'll be anxious in L.A.
19:15Well...
19:17Why not be anxious on the open road?
19:19Why not be anxious in national parks?
19:22Why not be anxious on Mount Rushmore?
19:24Yeah.
19:26That's a thousand mountains.
19:27So?
19:28So that's insane.
19:29We're going the fastest route.
19:30Yeah, but Texas, Oklahoma...
19:32What the fuck in that?
19:34We get to do Route 66.
19:35We've already done Route 66.
19:36We visit your mom in Arizona.
19:38Okay.
19:39Maybe we should take more than Ralph.
19:45Is this your plan?
19:46Is that why we're hauling this giant hunk of metal across the country?
19:49No.
19:50I just thought it would be cool.
19:53Cool candy, bro.
19:55Thanks, bro.
19:56Thanks, bro.
19:57I'm gonna open up a microbrewery in Echo Park.
20:02Ridiculous.
20:03It's got me.
20:04I can drive for a while if you want.
20:06Awesome.
20:25The hottest fucking guy is like 15 feet away.
20:38What do you want Scruff in the middle of nowhere?
20:40Do you even have reception?
20:41I'm just saying.
20:42It's obviously a catfish.
20:43It's obviously a serial killer sack-faced catfish that preys on gay gullible sex addicts.
20:54Let me see.
20:55I'm writing down.
20:56That's Arlen.
20:57No.
20:58Yeah.
20:59I recognize that torso.
21:00Holy shit.
21:01You're right.
21:02It is him.
21:03He's writing back.
21:04What was he saying?
21:05He stopped writing.
21:06Okay.
21:07Let's go to bed.
21:08Oh, Jesus Christ.
21:09Whoa.
21:10Sorry.
21:11Hey, I'm Arlen.
21:12I know.
21:13Are you gonna kill us?
21:14No.
21:15No.
21:16No.
21:17No.
21:18No.
21:19No.
21:20No.
21:21No.
21:22No.
21:23No.
21:24No.
21:25No.
21:26No.
21:27No.
21:28No.
21:29No.
21:30No.
21:31No.
21:32No.
21:33No.
21:34No.
21:35No.
21:36No.
21:37No.
21:38No.
21:39No.
21:40No.
21:41No.
21:42No.
21:43No.
21:44No.
21:45No.
21:46No.
21:47No.
21:48No.
21:49No.
21:50No.
21:51No.
21:52No.
21:53No.
21:54Pushing your boundaries on you, poor man.
22:00I don't need love, but I want your touch.
22:02Thank you very, very much.
22:06Better get it on, cause I'm the star.
22:09I want your body parts, body parts.
22:13We've got to see.
22:24Yeah.
22:29Good morning.
22:32I'm out, God.
22:34I love you.
22:36Good morning.
22:38Good morning, everyone.
22:41Morning.
22:43Morning.
22:44Good morning.
22:45Good morning.
22:47Good morning.
22:49Morning.
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