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Gaymer Series
EastSiders Gay Theme TV Series

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Transcript
00:00Oh, yes.
00:13Kind of conservative, huh?
00:18What do you think?
00:20Stunning.
00:21Oh, you look like a princess.
00:24Got anything sluttier?
00:26Let's see what I can do.
00:28Pretty cute, though.
00:30Mm-hmm.
00:32Real bougie.
00:50No.
00:52Oh.
00:53Oh.
00:54Hmm?
00:55No.
00:57Oh.
00:58Oh.
00:59Yes.
01:00You look like a Victorian ghost.
01:02No.
01:03Oh.
01:04Oh.
01:05Oh.
01:06Oh.
01:07Yes.
01:08Slutty jellyfish.
01:09I wish we could just go back that night.
01:12Oh.
01:13Warren.
01:14One more.
01:15Oh.
01:16Oh.
01:17Oh.
01:18Oh.
01:19Oh.
01:20Oh.
01:23I waited for you at the record shop.
01:25Walked through the doors, and the records stopped.
01:30I break on vinyl was the name of the store.
01:33Now the store is gone, and we can't be there any more.
01:38I have a good feeling about this one.
01:46Oh, my God.
01:48It's just slutty enough.
01:53I think this is the one.
01:55Are you not filming?
01:57Filming what?
01:58Me!
01:59Sorry.
01:59Jesus Christ, you're lucky you're pretty.
02:01Yeah.
02:02You know what?
02:02Let's take five.
02:04Okay?
02:05So fucking tight.
02:06Will you unzip me?
02:07Yeah.
02:07Is this one of us?
02:09No, I got it from home.
02:24That's the last one.
02:26Great feedback on the book launch last night, by the way.
02:29The team bloggers are losing their shit.
02:32Any word from the trades?
02:33Publishers Weekly and Kirkus are starred reviews.
02:36No fucking way.
02:37Way.
02:38You know what this means, right?
02:40No.
02:40We're exercising the option on book number two.
02:43And between us, there's a way he talks about book three.
02:47You're fucking kidding me.
02:48Nope.
02:49This is going to sell.
02:50And it's good and it's gay.
02:52Do you know how often I actually like the young adult novels we publish?
02:55I'm guessing not that often.
02:56Hey, have you had a chance to read the new essays I sent?
03:02I did.
03:03And they're great.
03:04I ran it by the team and I wish we could do something there.
03:08But just not the right time.
03:13Totally good.
03:13But you should submit the one about the threesome with a drifter to journals.
03:17Loved it.
03:18Dark.
03:19You sort of wanted things to explode.
03:23You're fucked up, huh?
03:24I think I've done a lot.
03:26I'm into it.
03:27Just focus on what we can sell.
03:30For now.
03:31Okay.
03:31We should grab a drink to celebrate.
03:37It's been a while.
03:41I should probably finish up packing.
03:45My flight alliest tonight.
03:48Another time.
03:52Oh, have you decided what you wanted to do with your dance?
03:55I think I have an idea.
03:57Okay.
04:01I need to tell you something.
04:27What?
04:27I'm kind of scared to tell you because I don't know how you're going to respond and I don't
04:35really know what I'm going to do.
04:38Okay.
04:39You don't freak out.
04:40Babe.
04:43Come here.
04:46What is it?
04:50Babe.
04:51Tell me.
04:52I missed my period.
05:02Okay.
05:03Okay.
05:04Of course it's okay.
05:06Of course it's okay.
05:08I've been through this before.
05:10Yeah?
05:11Yeah.
05:12Kathy.
05:14She didn't tell me until afterwards, but...
05:17After what?
05:18After it was over.
05:19It really means a lot that you want to talk about it.
05:31Oh.
05:33Wait.
05:34So you want to talk about it?
05:36Okay.
05:36All right.
05:37So let's talk about it.
05:38Uh, I'm 30.
05:40Okay.
05:41I'm in my 30s.
05:42I didn't mean to suggest that.
05:44I've been together for over two years, which is like a 15th of my life.
05:49And we are really broke.
05:51And we are really in love.
05:53Right?
05:56Yeah.
05:58I don't fucking believe you.
06:00Wait.
06:01What did I say?
06:01What did I do wrong?
06:02You don't want to have a kid with me.
06:03I mean, if that's the case, then why the fuck are we even doing this?
06:06I mean, I don't know.
06:08We've never even really talked about it before.
06:09You seriously never thought about having a future with me?
06:16Wow.
06:18Uh...
06:18I gotta get some air.
06:20Wait.
06:21Where are you going?
06:22I'm gonna go buy a pregnancy test.
06:24Hillary.
06:25You stay here and you think about how you're going to apologize to me.
06:30That's how we got into this fucking mess.
06:39Your stupid penis.
06:58Great.
06:59Great.
06:59Hey, we got it.
07:01Let's, uh, let's try the second position now.
07:05Baby haters.
07:08Yes.
07:11Like this?
07:12Yeah.
07:12That's great.
07:13Just, uh, give me a little bit more Tom of Finland.
07:17Like this?
07:18Get down, boys.
07:20This isn't for porn.
07:21It's porn adjacent, but it's for a magazine.
07:24You sure you don't want any for your personal collection?
07:26I mean, uh, give me just a second.
07:37Hey.
07:38Hey, asshole.
07:39I've been calling you.
07:40Sorry, I've been working.
07:42You can call this work.
07:43Not a bad way to make $500.
07:45No.
07:46I hate that I missed your book launch.
07:48It's okay.
07:49You'll be at the thing in LA.
07:50I know.
07:51I'm just missing.
07:52They picked up my second book.
07:54Oh, my God.
07:55$40,000.
07:56Fuck yeah, motherfucker.
07:58Yes.
07:58Thanks.
08:00Cliff doesn't want my essay collection.
08:01What?
08:02What?
08:03It's good.
08:04I'm good.
08:05You know what?
08:05It's his fucking loss.
08:07You're going to place one of your essays about cheating on me in a huge fucking journal.
08:10You're going to take it across the street to Simon & Schuster.
08:12There's going to be a bidding war and he is going to beg you for it.
08:15Yeah, he is.
08:17Listen, when I get home, there's something I want to talk to you about.
08:21Is he still trying to sleep with you?
08:23Oh, yeah, but that's not what I mean.
08:26There's just something I want to talk to you about.
08:28Will you be up?
08:29I can be.
08:30What's up?
08:31Nothing.
08:32How was the shoot?
08:34Kind of hot and kind of hilarious.
08:36Can I have a 4G with the models, by the way?
08:38Is that happening?
08:39I'm not sure.
08:43You know, I think it might be.
08:45Go for it.
08:46Consider your permission slip signed.
08:48Fine.
08:48Yours, too.
08:50I didn't ask.
08:51You didn't ask it.
08:52Love you.
08:53I love you, too.
08:55And don't get into leather.
08:56That shit's expensive.
08:56Hey, so everyone consents to this?
09:02Well, we're lucky enough to find love.
09:10Find love.
09:13But we're young and we're dumb, so we're losing.
09:16Hey, Clifford.
09:33How soon can you get here?
09:34Don't you love to torture me?
09:36How we game circle of fun, game circle of fun.
09:45All right.
09:48It's another day at sports camp.
09:51And we're late.
09:53Again.
09:53Oh, you forgot your soccer stuff.
09:57Come on, honey.
09:59Everyone's having fun without us.
10:01Let's go.
10:06Do you want me to walk in with you?
10:08I want to stay home and watch telenovelas with you.
10:11Oh.
10:12Don't you want to go hang out with all your new friends?
10:15I like the people on TV more.
10:17They're dramatic.
10:18You need a little spice in your life.
10:21Oh.
10:22I have enough spice in my life.
10:24And it's you, and you're going to have so much more spice
10:27after you go play a few more sports.
10:29But I don't want to go.
10:30Oh, it's going to be fun.
10:31Come on.
10:32No, it's not.
10:33Yes, it will.
10:34No, it won't.
10:35Yes, it will.
10:36No, it won't.
10:37Come on.
10:38You're better than this.
10:39You are so strong.
10:40You're so tough.
10:41You're going to have such a fun time at sports camp.
10:44Did you play sports?
10:46Yeah.
10:48Really?
10:49Do I not look like I did?
10:50Necesitas trabajar en sus mentiras y sus deportes.
10:54Ay, como ya sabes, soy un deportista muy malo.
10:59Huh?
11:01Diviértete.
11:07You forgot your lunch.
11:08Jeremy, right?
11:10Hi, I'm Deidre Sackstetter.
11:11Hi, Becky Whitman.
11:12Oh, hi.
11:13I remember.
11:14You're Sam's guardian.
11:15Father.
11:15Foster dad.
11:16Now, whatever works.
11:17Great.
11:18I assume that she's coming to Tatum's birthday party this Friday,
11:20yes?
11:21Oh, yes.
11:22I'm so sorry.
11:23I was going to check with Derek.
11:24Your husband.
11:25Pardon?
11:25Boyfriend.
11:26Modern.
11:28Sure.
11:29You did get the invitation, though, yes?
11:31With the RSVP card that said to RSVP by Monday.
11:35Well, it's Wednesday.
11:36I think it would be super fun to have you there.
11:38Now, on those RSVPs, I do need a firm headcount on that.
11:41So when you do get that, it will come self-addressed with a stamp.
11:44Just send it right on back immediately.
11:45Or, you know, don't, because it's a child's birthday party.
11:49I'm so sorry.
11:50Yes, she'll be there.
11:51Wonderful.
11:51Oh, excuse me.
11:52I have to take this.
11:53Gifts are encouraged.
11:55Jesus Christ.
11:57Well, they are.
11:59Hello, darling.
12:00You're Matt.
12:02No.
12:03It's just fucking Silver Lake.
12:06I got cornered by Deidre Sackstetter and Becky Whitman at sports camp.
12:10Oh, God.
12:11Yeah.
12:12Sam still hates it.
12:13Oh, builds character.
12:15How's your day?
12:17Pretty routine.
12:18You know, asthma attack, couple infections.
12:20Parents freaking out over scrapes and bruises.
12:22Oh, I did have a kid this morning with severe ketoacidosis.
12:27Oh, builds character.
12:29I am so looking forward to tonight.
12:32Yeah, about tonight.
12:34What?
12:36Ow.
12:36We have a patient transfer, and I have to be here.
12:39I'm sorry.
12:40I'll make it up to you, both of you.
12:42Both of us?
12:43You and Sam?
12:45Oh, my God.
12:46You don't even remember.
12:48What?
12:49I got Sam a sitter because you and I are going on a date.
12:55We're going on a date.
12:56Ah.
12:58Yeah.
12:59And we have dinner reservations.
13:01And movie tickets.
13:03Mrs. O'Brien?
13:04Dr. Forrest, we've got a stomach flu situation in room six.
13:08One second.
13:08One.
13:09Um, I will make it up to you.
13:12We'll go out next week.
13:13You said that last week.
13:15Don't be upset.
13:16I'm not upset.
13:17You sound upset.
13:18Oh, my God.
13:20I have to go give Sam her lunch.
13:22You forgot her lunch?
13:24No, she forgot her lunch.
13:26I'll see you tonight.
13:28Love you.
13:33Hey, what are you doing right now?
13:35Fuck.
13:38Is that your man?
13:39Is he talking to his man again?
13:49Are some calls at that?
13:51God.
13:56Sorry, that sucks.
13:59That's not so bad.
14:02At least it doesn't seem so bad right now.
14:05It really is medicinal.
14:07You know, I think I was just so upset before because he seemed so annoyed that I was upset.
14:17It's like he thinks that this is something I signed up for or something.
14:21Well, didn't you?
14:24Well, yeah.
14:27But, like, when you go to war, you can still get upset when your legs get blown off, right?
14:34Do you feel like your legs have been blown off?
14:39Sometimes.
14:42Wow.
14:44That's super offensive, but I know what you mean.
14:50How are things with V?
14:56Uh, things are good.
14:58I don't know.
15:07What?
15:09Honey?
15:12She just said she needed some space, so she's staying at her girlfriend's house.
15:16She has a girlfriend, by the way.
15:18I just keep getting these, like, shockwaves of healing, like I'm being hit by lightning, and then I just realized I've made a huge mistake.
15:32What mistake?
15:34I don't know about forgiving her and quitting my job because she thought it was a good idea because we were spending more money on childcare than I was actually making, and now she has all the power again, so I'm sorry we were talking about you.
15:56I think we're talking about both of us.
16:10Yeah.
16:12Shit.
16:17You want to go to the movies with me later?
16:19I can have Harrison and Genevieve get picked up by the sitter at camp.
16:26Yeah.
16:29Or we could just lie here forever.
16:35That sounds nice.
16:44Hey, Quincy.
16:46Hey, what's up?
16:47I am just stuffing gift bags for the wedding, which is 13 days, three hours, and five minutes away.
16:54God bless us all.
16:56That's intense.
16:57You need any help?
16:58You cannot stuff your own gift bag for my wedding, and I'm almost done anyway, although you could maybe help with the ribbons.
17:03They are big, beautiful, and pink because that was our color in Germany.
17:06Actually, I was wondering if you'd maybe heard anything from Hillary?
17:09No.
17:09What's going on?
17:12She's pregnant.
17:14Maybe.
17:15What?
17:16Wow.
17:16Oh, okay.
17:17Yeah.
17:18And she already told you?
17:19Good, because I do not have time to drive her to the clinic this week.
17:22No, she's keeping it.
17:24Or might be.
17:25I don't know.
17:27Is that so surprising that we would keep it?
17:29No.
17:30I mean, I guess not.
17:31Breeders are going to breed, right?
17:33Yeah, I guess so.
17:34Is that offensive?
17:35When you say it, you're like a character in Will and Grace.
17:38In the 90s.
17:39Oh, wait.
17:40Is that offensive?
17:42Hillary's where?
17:43You don't know where she is?
17:44She stepped out a couple hours ago.
17:46Now she's not answering her phone, and I have no idea where she is.
17:49She's probably just with Cal at the studio, right?
17:51Uh, yeah, probably.
17:54How's everything going with the wedding?
17:56Uh, it's good.
17:57Douglas's out getting a suit.
17:58I am not allowed to go, uh, because he's filming a vlog series for his burgeoning YouTube channel.
18:04You don't film his videos anymore?
18:06We had, uh, creative differences.
18:08Because I don't know how to use a camera, and apparently Cheyenne's better at it.
18:12Uh, and he's still crashing on our couch.
18:14And we're not even sleeping with him, so I've got to put him to work somehow.
18:16You know what?
18:17I've got my own stuff going on, too.
18:19Oh, yeah?
18:20What are you working on?
18:24Mostly planning this wedding, which I should get back to if you will excuse me.
18:27Hey, thanks for talking, Quincy.
18:29I am here, if you ever need anybody.
18:32I am always here for you, especially since Kathy's out on tour.
18:36Oh, yeah, how's she doing?
18:37Miserable.
18:38Actors are always miserable.
18:40All right, love you.
18:40Gotta go, bye.
18:43Ugh.
18:45Breeders, right?
18:48God, I love gay sex.
18:52So how did you get into erotic modeling?
18:55Instagram.
18:56Same.
18:58I think we got the shot.
19:00More than one.
19:02Crazy.
19:03You still like to act like you're a prude.
19:05It's cute.
19:06Shut up.
19:06Don't ruin the illusion.
19:09Really, though, there's something different about you.
19:11You seem, I don't know, liberated.
19:15Yeah?
19:16Yeah.
19:18Cal?
19:20Oh, shit.
19:22Ian!
19:22Sorry, I didn't see anything.
19:23I swear.
19:24Can I just talk to you for a minute?
19:25No!
19:26Do not.
19:27Tell Hillary.
19:28Do not.
19:29Sorry, everybody.
19:31Go.
19:31Can I talk to you for a minute?
19:33I...
19:33Thanks.
19:40Okay, I'm sorry for dropping it on you like this.
19:42I just didn't know what to do.
19:43Hillary wasn't answering her phone,
19:44and you weren't answering your phone,
19:45so I figured the two of you might be day drinking.
19:47That's fair.
19:48Is she even allowed to drink at this point?
19:50I don't know the answer to that.
19:52I would have to Google that.
19:54I mean, let's assume that you guys are keeping it.
19:57Are you planning on keeping it?
19:59You don't think we should keep it?
20:02I didn't say that.
20:03That is between the two of you.
20:06At least until Trump signs an executive order
20:07mandating that all unwanted pregnancies get carried to term.
20:12I'm good.
20:13It's over September.
20:14Really?
20:15I don't have to look shocked.
20:18You two not talked about it?
20:23Hmm.
20:24So I might have fucked up.
20:25What do you mean?
20:26Maybe assumed that we weren't keeping it
20:30when she told me...
20:31I know, I'm sorry.
20:32I mean, I didn't think.
20:33My business is doing okay,
20:34but I don't know how the hell
20:35the two of us would afford to have a kid.
20:37Okay, I get that.
20:39But you know that my mom would help you.
20:41And you know that Tom and I
20:42would be there for you guys.
20:43I know.
20:45I'm sorry.
20:47I...
20:47I just don't know that the two of us
20:52are supposed to be parents right now.
20:56If not now...
20:58When?
21:03Do you not want to have kids?
21:08I don't know.
21:09Because I know for a fact
21:11that my sister wants to have kids someday,
21:13and she's in her mid-30s,
21:14so someday needs to come pretty fucking soon.
21:18If you don't want to be a part of that,
21:19then you need to tell her.
21:20You're a good guy.
21:26Be a good guy.
21:31Fuck, I'm glad I'm gay right now.
21:35Oh, no.
21:36Get this away from me.
21:38Well, if this is happening,
21:40I will be there for her.
21:41I am a good guy.
21:42I am a good guy.
21:42If you fuck over my sister,
21:52I will throw you off the fucking roof.
21:53Do you understand?
21:54Understood.
21:57Hey.
22:00That was...
22:02unexpected.
22:04Was it?
22:05No.
22:07I read your new essays.
22:09Oh, I don't want to talk about that.
22:12Oh, sorry.
22:14But I meant what I said.
22:16They're great.
22:18It's like the Velvet Rage
22:20meets the Ethical Slut
22:22if written by Lena Dunham
22:23for Modern Love.
22:26It's a compliment.
22:28I'd love to publish it,
22:30but it's such a sensitive time politically.
22:32Okay.
22:35What does that mean?
22:38No judgments, really.
22:40But I don't know if people
22:41want to read about a relationship like that.
22:44Hmm.
22:46A relationship like what?
22:51I mean, you guys are basically
22:52friends with benefits at this point, right?
22:54It doesn't exactly portray gay men
22:56in the best light.
22:58And what light
23:00should gay men be portrayed in?
23:03You know.
23:04No.
23:05I don't, actually.
23:08And you
23:09have no
23:10fucking
23:11idea
23:11about my relationship.
23:13You have no idea
23:14what we have,
23:15what we mean to each other.
23:18Okay, you know.
23:19You're right.
23:20I only have your words
23:21to go on.
23:22But I do read books for a living,
23:30and these guys sound more like roommates.
23:33Maybe high-maintenance fuck buddies.
23:39Anyway, it's too bad you're leaving tonight.
23:41There's a gay media mixer
23:43with an open bar
23:44at Soho House.
23:46You want a bump?
23:53No.
23:54We should probably finish packing.
23:57I need to take a shower.
23:58We should do this again.
24:04I think more than twice as unprofessional.
24:07Is it, though?
24:08Yeah.
24:10Hillary's pregnant.
24:11Shit, when's the abortion?
24:13She's keeping it.
24:14Uh-uh.
24:16Abort.
24:17Abort.
24:17Abort.
24:17Abort.
24:18Chuck it down the pan.
24:19Bring me a...
24:20A knitting needle?
24:20Knitting needle.
24:23Absolutely fabulous.
24:24That's what you're doing.
24:25I'm the Patsy.
24:26Yes, you are, babe.
24:27God, I'm starting to regret
24:29this whole not having a bridal party thing.
24:31YOLO.
24:32Unless reincarnation is a thing,
24:33and then I'm coming back as a cat.
24:35I am being serious.
24:36This is really fucking hard.
24:38I'm serious, too.
24:39If I come back as a cat,
24:40will you adopt me?
24:41Are you dying anytime immediately?
24:43Mm-hmm.
24:44Right on the altar.
24:45Five billion views.
24:46November rain.
24:47Priorities.
24:48Will you help me go over this checklist, please?
24:50Yeah.
24:50Okay, so, so, so.
24:51I need to give a final head count to the caterer.
24:54Write your vows.
24:55Buy the booze from TJ.
24:57Nope, we're doing a cash bar, baby.
25:01Go over the ceremony with the officiant,
25:03and then go over the itinerary with the photographer,
25:05pick up my mother.
25:06Am I missing anything?
25:07Um, no.
25:09I have to do a little video announcement on the live stream,
25:11and then just hire a B-camera operator.
25:14We said no B-camera, no live stream.
25:17Yeah, but I want it.
25:18Douglas, we are already having this wedding in a gay bar
25:20and documenting all of it on a YouTube channel.
25:23Can we try to make this a little tasteful?
25:26It'll be a really tasteful live stream
25:29with an elegant B-camera operator.
25:31I got you.
25:34Yeah.
25:36You got me.
25:41Can you please promise to not go crazy?
25:43All right?
25:44My mother is coming.
25:48Oh, yeah.
25:49Uh-huh.
25:53Seriously.
25:54You know my mother is kind of conservative.
25:57Sure.
26:00Promise me, Douglas.
26:01Say it.
26:03I can't.
26:05You know I take promises real serious.
26:06I don't want to let myself down.
26:23Hey.
26:24Hey.
26:28I, uh, snuck out early.
26:32You didn't get my texts?
26:33No.
26:36I turned my phone off at the movie.
26:39Who were you with?
26:43Brie.
26:47Did you not think to look at my Instagram?
26:53Here.
26:56Sam won't be home for another hour?
26:58Listen, I'm sorry.
27:23We're gonna spend more time together.
27:25Just you and me.
27:28And Sam.
27:30The three of us.
27:33I know I was the one
27:35driving this whole foster thing
27:37and I haven't been around, but...
27:39Yeah.
27:39You told me it was happening, basically.
27:43And you said you were okay with it?
27:47I'm just trying to keep up with you.
27:50But things are happening...
27:52so quickly.
28:00One of the slow things, Dan.
28:04Look at me.
28:05I want this.
28:18I want a family with you.
28:21But you don't want to marry me.
28:25Let's try to make this work first, okay?
28:29Before we go planning a party.
28:30We'll make this work.
28:50So we still have 58 minutes?
28:52Hillary?
28:59Hillary?
29:00No more trying.
29:04No more reasons to fight it.
29:09No more hiding.
29:13Can't keep lying to myself.
29:15I saw the warm signs.
29:21I didn't care because you were mine.
29:23Whoa, moment after moment.
29:25Your loving made me blind.
29:28We knew better
29:30than still we crossed the line.
29:35Hey.
29:36Heard you're walking up the stairs.
29:40Welcome home.
29:40Thanks for waiting off.
29:43Get your bag.
29:50What's up?
29:52Nothing.
29:53You're being weird.
29:55I, um...
29:57I have something to tell you.
30:01Okay.
30:05I love you.
30:08I love you too, asshole.
30:09I know I should, but I...
30:33I know I should, can't let you go.
30:39Transcription by CastingWords
31:09CastingWords
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