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EastSiders Gay Theme TV Series

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Transcript
00:00I'm not upset.
00:10You seem upset.
00:11Well, I always seem upset, apparently.
00:14Don't chew your ice.
00:16It's bad for your teeth.
00:18Just pick a fucking scarf already.
00:20You're driving me crazy.
00:22Sorry, this is weird.
00:23Our friends are going to be there.
00:25We can just have a drink.
00:26We don't have to do anything.
00:27Oh, yeah?
00:28We'll just lie there and he'll do all the work
00:30like we're straight guys on a Boy Scout camping retreat.
00:33You never told me any sexy Boy Scout stories.
00:35That's because I don't have any
00:36because that doesn't happen.
00:37Sorry.
00:37Seen some movies where that's happened.
00:39Life is not a gay porn, okay?
00:41Cal, you were the one who said you wanted to do this.
00:44I said I was intrigued.
00:45No, you said that it turned you on.
00:48I said your essay turned me on
00:49and that no reputable journal would ever publish it
00:51because it's basically gay porn.
00:52But literary.
00:54And then you said that I should call it
00:56Fifty Shades of Tom,
00:57which quite frankly is a little bit insulting.
00:59I think it's a good title.
01:01You could be a little bit more supportive.
01:04All right, let's just fucking go already.
01:06What's this party exactly?
01:08It's called Sodom.
01:09It's been an hour.
01:38You're exaggerating.
01:39No, I'm timing you.
01:40Well, that's really rude.
01:42That's rude?
01:42Quincy was expecting us 45 minutes ago.
01:44Well, Quincy gets it.
01:46Quincy understands.
01:47He knows that you cannot rush art.
01:49I'm sorry.
01:50Are you playing stage makeup?
01:51Is this cats?
01:52Hey, don't be mad at me.
01:54I'm not mad at you.
01:54Because if you are mad at me,
01:56you know you can actually say you're mad.
01:58You could actually use your words to express your feelings.
02:01Or you could, I don't know,
02:02you could, like, throw something.
02:05Yeah.
02:05Or you could, like, yell into my boobs.
02:07Just don't hit me,
02:09because this took a really long time,
02:10and I will call the cops.
02:12I'm not gonna hit you.
02:14Why not?
02:17Listen, I know that I'm super annoying,
02:18and I know I'm totally fucking you over by taking this job,
02:20because I know that you're gonna miss me a lot,
02:22because I'm gonna miss you.
02:23What exactly are we fighting about?
02:25I don't want to fight with you.
02:26It's your last night in town.
02:27Why not?
02:28Because I don't like conflict.
02:30I like things to be easy.
02:31Easy is boring.
02:33Not necessarily.
02:34Yes, it is.
02:35It is.
02:35I'm not easy.
02:37I disagree.
02:42Cal and Tom swinging by here?
02:44We're meeting them there,
02:45so we gotta go,
02:46and we're gonna be totally late.
02:47They can wait.
02:48They're used to that.
02:49Oh, but you don't want to be rude, do you?
02:50Watch me.
02:53This is so bizarre.
02:57What?
02:58All of it.
02:59Everything.
03:00That's the point.
03:02Trust me.
03:05Hi.
03:06Hi.
03:07Hi.
03:08I'm Trevor.
03:09Oh, right, this is Calvin.
03:12Calvin.
03:13You guys are adorable.
03:15Yeah, but, like, in a sexy way, right?
03:17Definitely.
03:18Like slutty Precious Moments figurines.
03:20I like him.
03:21Yeah.
03:21Calvin's very witty.
03:27So should we get going?
03:29You sure you don't want to just come in?
03:32Calvin?
03:34We're meeting friends.
03:36Bastille Day is very important to them.
03:38All right.
03:50Yeah, Bastille Day, La La Revolution.
03:53There we go.
03:54There's a little Bastille mask.
03:55It's the French.
03:56Come on in.
03:57It's a sexual revolution.
03:58Happy Bastille Day.
03:59What is Bastille Day, even?
04:01It's, like, historical.
04:02What do you mean you don't know about Bastille Day?
04:04Oh, my God.
04:05Nobody does.
04:06Got it?
04:06Just shut up.
04:07Ooh, do you want some cake?
04:07Oh, yeah.
04:08Let them eat cake.
04:09Give us your $10, but eat the cake.
04:11Cake.
04:11Cake.
04:11Before you ask, it's gluten-free.
04:13Wow, really?
04:14Um, also, I have a nut allergy.
04:15Get in there before I decapitate you.
04:17Oh, my God.
04:18Thank you for being generally French.
04:22Bro, that's not gluten-free.
04:23It's not?
04:24I hope they catch celiac disease.
04:26Is that, like, meningitis?
04:28Oh, my God.
04:29You came, and you didn't dress up because you're too cool,
04:32and I hate you, and by I hate you, I mean I forgive you.
04:35Hi, Quincy.
04:37Who are you?
04:38You're not Kathy.
04:39I'm Trevor.
04:39I'm Trevor.
04:40You're taller.
04:40Yeah, I'm Gamora Ray.
04:42It's, like, a gay space gun, but except from the Bible,
04:45and, like, damn, poor eternity.
04:47What?
04:48You know?
04:49No.
04:49Well, hi.
04:50I'm charmed, I'm charmed.
04:51I'm very charmed.
04:52I bet.
04:53Y'all are, like, quite a little threesome.
04:55Duck, duck, goose, moose, goose, loose.
04:56No, they're so boring.
04:57Give me a break.
04:58Where'd you guys meet?
04:59Like, gay chorus or, like, lesbian poetry slam?
05:01Did you slam lesbians during poetry?
05:03What?
05:04I don't know.
05:04Just go in.
05:05It's free.
05:05Fine.
05:06They have no money.
05:07It's on me.
05:09Oh, welcome to Sodom.
05:10The cake's gluten-free.
05:12Seriously?
05:13Yes.
05:13No.
05:13Run!
05:14Run!
05:14Gluten!
05:17If they're not doing it, my name's Nakamura Ray.
05:19Your name is Douglas.
05:20Fuck you!
05:21Oh, my God.
05:21Fuck you!
05:23Not cool!
05:24That was rude.
05:30Can I get you guys drinks?
05:32Whiskey on the rocks, please.
05:33I'll take a dribble.
05:34Taste yourself, Calvin.
05:35I'll get you a double.
05:36I'm just kidding.
05:36I'll have a double, actually.
05:38Yep.
05:40You guys really are adorable, you know that?
05:43Thanks.
05:44I'm going to head to the bathroom.
06:02Hey, you.
06:04Hey, I'm Matt Sodom.
06:08How is it?
06:10Just got here.
06:11I'm on a date, actually.
06:13What do you mean?
06:14I'm with a couple.
06:16Oh, menage à toi les quatre-huites.
06:18Of course you speak French, you pretentious fuck.
06:23They're really repressed.
06:24But I'll liberate them.
06:26If it doesn't work out, you should come over later.
06:28Oh, lucky me.
06:29What a gentleman.
06:30If it does happen, it'll either be super hot or really fucking awkward.
06:34Well, Godspeed.
06:36What's God got to do with it?
06:37What's God but a second-hand emotion?
06:38Hmm, thanks, Tina.
06:40I've got to stop talking to you.
06:43Buffet la fête.
06:44T'es dégueulasse.
06:45How are you?
06:46Hey, Derek.
07:00What are you up to tonight?
07:01Call me.
07:02What are you doing up?
07:07It's 11 p.m.
07:10I'm old.
07:12Don't tell a beer I'm eating dairy.
07:15I'm eating dairy.
07:16No more freebies.
07:20I do what I want.
07:21No.
07:22I let anyone I want in.
07:23You can't let people in for free anymore.
07:25I want to go to drugs.
07:26I've done it up door.
07:27Drugs.
07:27Oh, my God.
07:28I love drugs.
07:29Oh, you guys are so unprofessional.
07:31Wait for me.
07:32Hey, I am just saying that if you're really mad at me about taking this job, that you can,
07:37like, tell me, you know, you got to, like, communicate your feelings so they do not compost inside you.
07:43I'm not mad at you, and composting can be a good thing.
07:46Composting is never a good thing, unless you, like, want your backyard to smell like shit.
07:52My backyard does not smell like shit.
07:54Composting is only good in sixth grade science class.
07:57Jesus Christ, we made up.
07:59We had makeup sex.
08:00It usually shuts you up.
08:01I'm a scraper.
08:02Are you?
08:03Hi, guys.
08:04Hi, Quincy.
08:05Sorry.
08:06Lovers quarrel, you know.
08:08Hi.
08:08Hi.
08:09Oh, gosh.
08:11Good to see you.
08:11Go on.
08:12You guys go in.
08:12Oh, love it.
08:14Hi.
08:14Hi, Wesley.
08:15You guys go in.
08:18Enjoy.
08:19Bye.
08:20Walk right in.
08:21We don't need your money.
08:23Let's let girls and straight people in free.
08:24Great idea.
08:25Are you just going to comp everybody, or what?
08:27Come on.
08:27This is a gay bar.
08:29Jesus Christ.
08:30We're not letting in any more fat girls for free.
08:32That was disgusting.
08:33I swear to God, there's a blast, too.
08:35Fuck me.
08:39Quincy?
08:40Hi.
08:41Hi.
08:41David, right?
08:42Yeah.
08:42Yeah, I didn't realize that you threw parties.
08:45Yeah, I throw parties.
08:47Okay.
08:48Oh, yeah.
08:49I do all kinds of really interesting things and stuff.
08:54And how are you?
08:56Great.
08:57I'm meeting some people inside.
08:59So, like, how much is it before?
09:02Oh, it's free.
09:03For you, free.
09:03Free like the best deal.
09:05Free.
09:05Free it.
09:06Really?
09:06Yeah.
09:07Okay.
09:07Go have fun, bro.
09:08Buddy.
09:09Little bro.
09:10Big bro.
09:11Bo Peet.
09:11Bo Bridges.
09:13All the bros.
09:14Whatever works.
09:16Get in there.
09:16I'll see you inside.
09:18Probably.
09:20I hate you so bad right now.
09:21You're paying my rent this month.
09:23I will do what I want.
09:24No, I'm giving you my PayPal address.
09:26No one's getting in for free.
09:27Go in.
09:28Oh, thank you.
09:29A couple of friends, yes?
09:30Both of them.
09:30Oh, thank you.
09:30Everybody in.
09:32No.
09:33And that was a mistake.
09:34I'm sorry.
09:35It's okay.
09:35You want me to get in for a while?
09:39It's not cool.
09:40I set you up.
09:40Fucking party foul, charming head.
09:43Charming?
10:04Guys, we're having fun.
10:09Remember to get our $16 signature cocktail.
10:11Now, Gamora, who's coming up next?
10:13Yeah.
10:14Yes, now give them the information.
10:15About to slap it like a blue boy.
10:16Madonna.
10:17Madonna.
10:18Madonna.
10:21Everyone thinks of Madonna.
10:22It is getting kind of strange.
10:24Every time I get my hair glitched, they keep calling out my name.
10:28In London, Manhattan, I can only stay indoors.
10:31Our homes have become stops on the celebrity bus and chores.
10:36Everyone thinks of Madonna.
10:37And I'm getting kind of tired.
10:39My sister's doing my bare bones.
10:40Hey, Ian.
10:41Hey, have you seen Kathy?
10:43No, is she here?
10:44She went to the bathroom a half an hour ago and now won't answer her phone.
10:47Oh, shit.
10:48Tell her not to leave without saying goodbye.
10:50And will do.
10:54Maybe she's pregnant.
10:56I'm so glad we can't get pregnant.
10:57Yeah.
10:58Hey.
11:20Are you drunk?
11:29Nope, not yet, but I'm working on it
11:35There's more booze inside it's a bar
11:39The gay bar so there also might be drugs
11:43Don't stereotype I do way more drugs than count
11:48He's looking for you
11:53For your career
11:55Okay, I want to go, but I just don't want you to want me to go
12:00What?
12:02Like if you don't love me, then you can at least hate me
12:05I just wanted to have a nice night
12:07Why is this so fucking boring?
12:09Is that what you want?
12:10Do you want to be just like a nice boring couple for the rest of your life?
12:13Maybe that's exactly what I want, Kathy
12:15What is so wrong with that?
12:17Why aren't you upset that I'm leaving?
12:20I am upset
12:21Okay, then say it
12:22I am mad at you
12:23Thank you
12:24I am fucking mad at you
12:25I know
12:26You're exhausting
12:27I think you know it
12:28I think you like it
12:30I think it's like some sort of endurance test that you get off on watching me fail
12:34I just want you to learn how to actually be honest and open
12:38And I think I did
12:39How could I be more honest and open?
12:40I just said that you're horrible to me
12:42I'm not even that drunk
12:43Okay, fine
12:47Well, then maybe we should take a break
12:48Is this the part where I'm supposed to beg you not to break up with me?
12:51Wait, no, I'm in like a timeout, it's like 15 minutes
13:04These straight guys are supposed to understand sports references.
13:10Hey.
13:11Jeez, hi.
13:13This sure ain't Carnegie Hall.
13:14No, it isn't.
13:15Actually, you know those drugs you were talking about?
13:17Do you, like, have any of them?
13:19No, sadly.
13:21I figured if you did, you would have the ball to talk to one of those guys you let in for free.
13:25I'm sorry?
13:26Well, there's no excuse to act like somebody's grumpy uncle at a party.
13:30Especially your party.
13:32Chin up, peanut buttercup.
13:35Okay, well, I'm gonna go promote this party and just have fun because it's so exciting and so lucrative.
13:42We'll be right out.
13:44But if you're curious, you can stay and watch.
13:46Um...
13:49Oh, okay.
13:51I got a dick, too.
13:56Get outta here.
14:04I got a dick.
14:05It's not even you.
14:06I just wanna give.
14:07That lisa turn.
14:08That lisa turn.
14:09That lisa turn.
14:10That lisa turn.
14:11I'm the fucking male
14:13And you throw a fuck deal
14:15It's not even you
14:16We just wanna give you that Lisa turn
14:19That Lisa turn
14:21That Lisa turn
14:23And we just kept talking until the bookstore closed
14:35Five years
14:37Wow
14:37It's really romantic
14:39You guys are really romantic together
14:41We are, aren't we?
14:43So you both pick up guys when you're working, huh?
14:46We're resistable
14:47I try to pick up Tom here for
14:51I don't know how long
14:52And then all of a sudden
14:53We appear straightless on the phone
14:54Like a unicorn emerging from the wilderness
14:57What's the interest of you don't mind me asking?
15:02Well, we had a conversation
15:03And both talked about our feelings
15:07And we just, you know
15:10Talked about it like adults
15:14Adults
15:15Adulthood
15:16And decided that this is what we wanted
15:21This is what we want
15:24That's really hard
15:28Excuse me
15:39Cal
15:42Cal
15:46I should
15:56Sorry
16:00It's okay
16:01Excuse me
16:03I got my beard
16:04Excuse me
16:05Wait
16:08What?
16:09Let's go home
16:10Let's not end the night like this
16:11Come on
16:12It's already ended like this
16:13It always ends just like this
16:15You're drunk
16:17Come on, let's go home
16:18We just got here
16:19We're having such a good time
16:20Okay, look
16:21I am sorry, okay?
16:24I didn't mean to ruin tonight
16:26So why did you?
16:29I don't know
16:30I just think that like
16:31Sometimes
16:33When I break things
16:36I think that like
16:37There's a part of me
16:39That definitely like
16:40Really wanted to break it
16:42Because there's a part of me
16:43That believes that I don't
16:45Really deserve
16:46The thing that I have
16:50And so I just
16:51Look at it
16:53And I just
16:54I push it away from me
16:56You know
16:57And I just
16:57Shove it off the counter
16:59You know, like a cat
17:00Shoveing a glass off the counter
17:03That's the perfect simile
17:06For what you do
17:07But then I look
17:08And I see what I've done
17:10And I just want to
17:11Jump down there
17:12And I just want to fix it
17:13And put it back together
17:14With my little cat hands
17:16That's the thing
17:17With the broken glass
17:18Kathy
17:19You can't fix it
17:20You just gotta
17:21Sweep it up
17:23And try not to walk around
17:25The kitchen with bare feet
17:26Okay
17:27But
17:30You can let me try
17:35Right?
17:41I can't keep doing this
17:42No
17:48Goodbye, Kathy
17:55Take care of yourself
17:59If you're not comfortable
18:22With this
18:22I totally get it
18:23I'm trying to be like
18:25As understanding as possible
18:29Thank you
18:30Thank you for understanding
18:34My unconventional need
18:36To feel like
18:36I might possibly
18:37Fulfill my partner
18:38If that's what we're
18:40Calling us
18:42You're the one
18:43Who wanted to take it slow
18:44Yeah
18:44Things are moving
18:47Kind of fast
18:48Maybe this was a bad idea
18:53Yeah
18:53Maybe
18:55I just
18:57I felt like
19:00I don't know
19:03What I was feeling
19:04I get though
19:07That
19:07You could be afraid
19:10Of something like this
19:11I do
19:11Maybe I am afraid
19:16But not for the reason
19:19That you think
19:20Moving away
19:22Maybe
19:23I'm afraid
19:24Because
19:24Because I liked
19:26Watching you kiss that guy
19:27Maybe I'm afraid
19:30Because
19:30I could feel
19:32Us changing
19:35Things were changing
19:37Between us
19:37Inexorably
19:38Even right now
19:40Things are changing
19:42We
19:42Are changing
19:44Maybe
19:48Maybe I want us to
19:48Hey
19:54I'm gonna go
19:57Probably understand
20:00Where are you going?
20:02Home
20:02I got work in the morning
20:05That's boring
20:07What?
20:09Don't be boring
20:10Come out with us
20:15Yeah?
20:17Yeah?
20:18Yes
20:18Stupid party
20:34Shut up
20:34Did David leave?
20:36Which David?
20:37There are a lot of Davids
20:38The cute one
20:38Hold on
20:39You let her free
20:40Yep
20:40That really doesn't
20:42Narrow it down
20:43What are you
20:45A 13 year old girl
20:45Did David leave?
20:48Go get your
20:48Trapper keeper
20:49Lisa Frank
20:49Shit
20:50You know
20:51I counted like
20:5223
20:52Cute to semi
20:55Average looking guys
20:56That you let him
20:56For free
20:57Is that really
20:57How you think
20:58You're gonna meet
20:58Your next gay host
20:59Bro?
20:59Maybe
20:59I'm sorry
21:06I'm on Molly
21:06That's a lie
21:07I'm not on Molly
21:08I mean
21:08The guy said
21:09It was Molly
21:09But it probably
21:10It wasn't Molly
21:11It was probably
21:11Cat tranquilizer
21:12I got paid
21:15I gotta go
21:17This is how it ends
21:42Never meant to hurt you
21:44I'm a pretty mess
21:49And I don't deserve you
21:51I ran out of time
21:56And second chances
21:58Sorry couldn't build
22:02Your white picket fences
22:04And I only got myself to blame
22:15Cause every time I see you
22:22It's like all I am
22:24To see through it
22:24But everything I know
22:26And don't wanna miss it
22:27Recorded
22:27I adore you
22:28I adore you
22:29I adore you
22:31I adore you
22:32I adore you
22:33I adore you
22:34Falling out was busy
22:36But I hate that you don't beat me
22:38And it gets so hard to speak
22:39Every time you get to me
22:41Cause I adore you
22:42I adore you
22:43I adore you
22:45I adore you
22:46I adore you
22:47I adore you
22:48I adore you
22:49I adore you
22:50I adore you
22:51I adore you
22:52I adore you
22:52I adore you
22:53I adore you
22:54I adore you
22:55I adore you
22:56I adore you
22:57I adore you
22:58I adore you
22:59I adore you
23:00I adore you
23:01I adore you
23:02I adore you
23:03I adore you
23:05I adore you
23:06I adore you
23:07I adore you
23:08I adore you
23:09I adore you
23:10I adore you
23:11I adore you
23:12I adore you
23:13I adore you
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