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EastSiders Gay Theme TV Series

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Transcript
00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:30Oh, fuck.
00:33Stand clear of the closing doors, please.
00:58Uh-uh, you're half an hour late.
01:00Sorry, the trains are fucked up.
01:01I live in Queens.
01:02No, they are not.
01:03I just—I got caught up writing.
01:06Oh, she's writing again.
01:08Yeah, nothing great, but yeah.
01:12Okay, did you read my play?
01:14Oh, my God, yes.
01:16I loved it.
01:18Really?
01:19Yeah.
01:20Tell me everything that you loved about it.
01:21Ah, um, why don't we talk about it after my shift?
01:25Okay, please stop being late and come to my reading on Saturday.
01:29Uh-huh.
01:36Uh-huh.
01:39Uh-huh.
01:41Oh.
01:43Oh.
01:44Uh-huh.
01:45Uh-huh.
01:46Uh-huh.
01:47I don't feel like I see you standing tall amongst the people.
01:56I'm invited.
02:13Very subtle.
02:14I didn't think anybody was back here.
02:17Well, this is my hiding spot, so find your own.
02:20Ah, will too.
02:23Ugh, these things are the worst.
02:25Tell me about it.
02:26You know, everyone in publishing so full of themselves.
02:29It's a cliché, but we were all nerdy losers growing up,
02:33and now we strut around acting like the queens of New York.
02:37You think that's bad?
02:39Try being a writer catering a publishing event.
02:42Oh, you're a writer.
02:44You know, aspiring.
02:47Same here.
02:48Another cliché.
02:51Have you had anything published?
02:53Um...
02:55A couple journals.
02:56Like, the Paris Review, but like a million years ago.
03:00Hmm.
03:01Thank God.
03:02I can't get it off for the untalented ones.
03:08So...
03:09When do you get off?
03:10Right after you do.
03:12Good answer.
03:13It isn't really anything yet.
03:24I wrote it last year before we left L.A.
03:27I haven't been really writing much lately.
03:30Or, I mean, at all.
03:32I thought the city would jumpstart something in me, but...
03:37Honestly, it feels more like it's jumping on top of me.
03:40I like it, actually.
03:42Really?
03:43I'm still here, right?
03:45You're not the first guy I've hooked up with that's asking me to read something.
03:48Usually I lie to their face and give them a fake number when I'm done,
03:51but...
03:52Here we are.
03:53Still in bed.
03:54True.
03:55That means you haven't given me your number yet.
03:58Here.
03:59Text yourself.
04:03What was your name?
04:06Yeah, we skipped that, huh?
04:08Yeah, Clifford.
04:09Oh, Tom.
04:11Tom.
04:12Ooh, see, this paragraph is intense.
04:15Even for me, but...
04:17Kinda hot.
04:18Kinda?
04:19You're such an exhibitionist.
04:22I don't think so.
04:24Oh, I just mean you really expose yourself.
04:27You know, you just put it all on the page.
04:28That's kind of the point, right?
04:30Maybe.
04:32Did you really have sex with all those guys in a month?
04:35Are you slut-shaming me?
04:37Oh, no!
04:38No, God, no!
04:39I've been there.
04:40Everyone's been there.
04:41I mean, sometimes a dick just takes over.
04:44We're all humans, right?
04:46I just...
04:48I think you're really talented.
04:51Yeah.
04:52Yeah?
04:53Mm-hmm.
04:54And lucky.
04:55Because you're asymptomatic.
04:57I mean, I had gonorrhea once, and I thought I was gonna die.
04:59And I thought God was finally punishing me for being gay, you know?
05:03Like, everyone had warned me, but I just didn't fucking listen.
05:06And now here I am with my dick about to fall off.
05:09Jesus.
05:10Yeah.
05:11That mom was right all along.
05:13That shot?
05:14God, it hurt.
05:16Thank God for antibiotics.
05:19For now.
05:20Super gonorrhea.
05:21It's a-coming.
05:22Uh-uh.
05:23That's just blogs scaring you for clicks.
05:24And I think there's only been one documented case, and it was a straight guy who got it from a woman in Asia.
05:30What?
05:31An Asian woman?
05:32God, her parents must be so disappointing.
05:35Anyway, it's coming.
05:36You just wait.
05:37You're on prep?
05:38Tested three times a month.
05:39Me too.
05:40We shouldn't talk about that.
05:42Before.
05:43Yeah.
05:44Hey.
05:45I think you should pursue this.
05:48You know, whatever it turns out to be.
05:51But I also think you should, you know, work on something mainstream.
05:55Something I can actually show my boss.
05:57What do you mean?
05:58Like a YA novel.
05:59A children's book.
06:01Mm-mm.
06:02Don't be a snob.
06:04Most of our writers have MFAs, or PhDs.
06:07We work with a lot of great fucking writers.
06:09We just picked up a fantasy series from a Stegner fellow.
06:14And look, the academic job market is a total wasteland right now.
06:19It's pretty dark, actually.
06:21My friend with a PhD just accepted a job as a fourth grade teacher.
06:25Can YA be gay?
06:27Oh, absolutely.
06:28Yeah.
06:29Gay boys love reading YA.
06:31Imagine what it would have been like to be a gay child reading about gay children.
06:35Ugh.
06:36Oh, and the teen girls love homosexuality, too.
06:40Yeah, as long as you're not too explicit with, you know, the sex.
06:44It's not threatening.
06:46And very in right now.
06:48Well, I'm a little threatening.
06:49Not through that.
06:51Think about it.
06:52Okay.
06:54Don't threaten the children.
06:56Give them homosexuality.
06:58Without the sex.
07:00Well, some sex.
07:09God, I have had the worst...
07:10Oh, Cal, um...
07:12You're home already.
07:14So sorry to interrupt.
07:15Shit!
07:16Um, sorry.
07:17Things are complicated.
07:18Yeah, I just read all about it.
07:19Yeah, um...
07:20I should...
07:21Go.
07:22Yeah, no worries.
07:23I'll be right back.
07:24Okay.
07:25Sorry.
07:26Cal!
07:27They're closing my show early.
07:28As in today.
07:29I can tell you you're busy.
07:30I don't want to interrupt.
07:31You're not interrupting.
07:32I literally just interrupted you.
07:33It's fine.
07:34You can go back upstairs and finish.
07:35You're already dead.
07:36Jesus fucking Christ!
07:37What is fucking wrong with you?
07:38How are you so fucking cavalier?
07:39You walk all over me, you treat me like shit.
07:40Hey, bro!
07:41Like actual shit, and you're not even sorry.
07:42I thought it was fine.
07:43I mean, we're kind of on a break.
07:44No, we're on a break from each other, Tom.
07:45We're on a break from fucking and fighting and climbing all over you.
07:46As in today.
07:48I can tell you that you're busy.
07:49I don't want to interrupt.
07:50You're not interrupting.
07:51You're not interrupting.
07:52I literally just interrupted you.
07:53It's fine.
07:54I can go back upstairs and finish.
07:55We're already dead.
07:56Jesus fucking Christ!
07:57What is fucking wrong with you?
07:58How are you so fucking cavalier?
07:59You walk all over me.
08:00You treat me like shit.
08:01Hey, bro!
08:02Like actual shit.
08:03And you're not even sorry.
08:04No, we're on a break from each other, Tom.
08:06We are on a break from fucking and fighting and climbing all over each other in that fucking crawl space of an apartment
08:11that heats up to 100 degrees in the summer.
08:14Just because I am sleeping on the couch right now does not give you license to go fuck a stranger in our bed.
08:19Well, I don't know anyone here who's not a stranger. I have no friends.
08:24The only people I see regularly are the people at my catering gig,
08:28and they're all musical theater people who sing Rent while marrying Ketchup.
08:32So don't fuck anybody for a minute! How is that so fucking hard for you to understand?
08:38And how do you so consistently miss the point?
08:41Okay, I... I know I wasn't supposed to. I had a few drinks.
08:48You day drinking at your cater waiter gig is a separate conversation, but we can talk about that if you want.
08:54I'm trying to say that I'm sorry, and I'm just supposed to forgive you. Again.
09:00I was gonna tell you. I didn't think it would be this big a deal.
09:04You don't think anything's a big deal, do you?
09:08I didn't seek it out.
09:11Clifford came up to me at this pretentious fucking publishing event, and...
09:18He was nice.
09:20And he asked me about myself, and I told him I was a writer, and he didn't run away screaming.
09:26He actually wanted to read something.
09:29And so I brought him back here. I didn't expect anything to happen.
09:34Couldn't it just send him a PDF?
09:37Okay, well, maybe I suspected that something would happen, but...
09:43God damn it, Cal.
09:46I'm lonely.
09:49You hate me.
09:51I don't hate you.
09:53Well, you don't like me. Well, you're pretty fucking unlikable.
09:56That's fair.
09:57Did it ever occur to you that I might be lonely too?
10:02That I am lonely with you?
10:06I don't know what to say.
10:20Yeah, because we're not talking about you for once, and what you need.
10:24I need you, Tom, and you were literally never there for me.
10:28I try to be there for you.
10:31It's not exactly so fucking wrapped up in your own shit, and you're not even doing anything.
10:35Yeah, you've literally thrown away the last year of your life.
10:38Wow.
10:40Do you ever think about the future at all?
10:42There's a difference between thinking and overthinking, and you have an anxiety disorder.
10:47Okay.
10:48You have disordered thinking!
10:49You have not fucking gaslight me like I am a fucking Victorian woman!
10:52Did I worry my way into a six-year relationship with somebody who can't stop lying to me?
10:56Maybe we want different things.
11:03Yeah.
11:04Maybe.
11:05Tal, wait!
11:06You know, right now I just want you to leave me the fuck alone!
11:09Mmm!
11:10Mmm!
11:11Mmm!
11:12Mmm!
11:13Mmm!
11:14Call the operator, call the mailman.
11:15Call the deacon, they'll pray for me there.
11:19Call my sister, she's my best friend.
11:20She's called somebody.
11:21Well, I'm a sister.
11:35She's my best friend.
11:42My best friend, she's called to somebody.
11:49Well, I was looking for a lifeguard, baby, but you didn't swing.
11:56I was looking for a teacher, honey, but you didn't teach it anymore.
12:02I was looking for a lover, baby, but you had no heart.
12:06I was looking for a savior on my way.
12:12So just tell her you don't want her to.
12:14I don't understand what's so hard about this.
12:17Long-term relationships take compromise.
12:20You compromise about everything, from what you eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, where you live, where you vacation,
12:27whether your kids learn French or Spanish or Esperanto.
12:32Or whether your wife wants to sleep with other women.
12:35Yeah, stuff like that.
12:37You know, you'd understand if you'd ever been in a long-term relationship.
12:41Derek and I have been together for almost a year.
12:44That's like three years in gay years.
12:45You should get a cat.
12:46We're not lesbians.
12:48Are you doing anything special?
12:50He's taking me away for the weekends, but he won't say where.
12:54That's romantic.
12:56No, it's stressful.
12:57Where could he possibly take you that you don't want to go?
13:01I don't know. I've never been there.
13:03At least give me a chance to look up some reviews online.
13:06Oh my God, you're going to have a blast.
13:07I know.
13:10Are you doing anything for him?
13:11Ugh, it's dumb.
13:14I made him this carved heart.
13:18It actually looks really horrible.
13:22I don't know, first anniversary is paper.
13:25So, you know, I don't know, I'm bad at this, you know that.
13:29No, that's actually really sweet.
13:31Yeah, maybe.
13:32And I made a whole picnic with champagne, and he's coming to pick me up.
13:38Just remember this feeling, okay?
13:44Of wanting to do something special for each other.
13:48I'm wanting to be good at this, you know?
13:54Are you doing okay?
13:56Yeah, of course.
13:59Well, I should go.
14:01He's going to be here soon.
14:03And there he is.
14:05Call me later.
14:07Bye.
14:07Bye.
14:11Happy anniversary.
14:12Um, I made you this.
14:25It's kind of janky.
14:27It is not janky.
14:32Nothing really happened.
14:33You just know when it's time to move on from the place, you know?
14:37I've been in the same one-bedroom apartment for eight years, and it's never felt like home.
14:46Okay, well, what neighborhoods are you thinking about looking in?
14:50I mean, obviously, I'd love to have you in Echo Park.
14:54There's so much cool shit now downtown.
14:57And there's Glissell Park, Washington, Eagle Rock.
15:01Okay, okay.
15:02Too many choices.
15:05Where would you go?
15:07If you had to move tomorrow.
15:12I'd probably just stay in Echo Park.
15:14Or Silver Lake if I win the Watery.
15:17Maybe Los Feliz.
15:18All right.
15:20So, three adjacent neighborhoods, all contenders.
15:25Do we have a winner?
15:26Echo Park.
15:29Selfishly, I want you as close as possible to me.
15:32Oh, zits.
15:32Yeah.
15:33Well, how about the same apartment?
15:45Is that close enough?
15:47You mean, like, we move in together?
15:50Yeah, why not?
15:53I mean, we end up sleeping in the same bed together most nights anyway.
15:59I've never lived with anybody before.
16:01Neither have I.
16:01Which is weird because I don't have commitment issues.
16:08Oh, yeah?
16:09Well, what's your excuse?
16:11My residency was really intense.
16:14And then I wanted to focus on establishing myself in this hospital.
16:18And I never really met anybody interesting enough to, you know.
16:25And then came you.
16:29Well, I have enough commitment issues for both of us.
16:34I know.
16:35And that's fine.
16:37Just think about it, all right?
16:40Mm-hmm.
16:41I've thought about it.
16:56What the fuck?
16:57Let's give it a go.
16:59Really?
17:00Mm-hmm.
17:00For real?
17:01Mm-hmm.
17:01Mm-hmm.
17:03Mm-hmm.
17:05Mm-hmm.
17:05Mm-hmm.
17:06Mm-hmm.
17:07Mm-hmm.
17:08Mm-hmm.
17:09Mm-hmm.
17:10Mm-hmm.
17:11So when's your lease up?
17:13End of the month.
17:14Good shit, Scott.
17:15Don't worry.
17:16You still got plenty of time to pull out.
17:19I am not pulling out.
17:23But I am opening another bottle of champagne.
17:27Cheers to that.
17:31Mm.
17:33You should have expected this.
17:34Don't be defeated, honey.
17:36You did your best.
17:37And it wasn't good enough.
17:38That's the definition of being defeated.
17:39I suppose it is.
17:41Months of work.
17:42I uprooted our whole lives for nothing.
17:45This is the beginning of the journey, not the end.
17:48I'm in my 30s.
17:50Oh, don't remind me.
17:53I feel like New York City is a door that just got slammed in my face.
17:56So go west, young man.
17:57You and Tom can go back to your life together in L.A.
18:00What life together?
18:02Calvin what?
18:04I don't know.
18:05Well, neither do I, because you won't tell me what's really going on.
18:09Just forget it.
18:11Oh, honey, again?
18:13How many chances does one person get, hypothetically?
18:18I don't know.
18:18How many chances did you have to have?
18:20Not as many as he gave me.
18:22Maybe one or two more.
18:24But you'd never go back to him at this point, right?
18:26Because that would be insane.
18:27I'm not a fortune teller, Calvin.
18:31Okay, you promised me the last time was the last time.
18:33We're not talking about me.
18:36Is this good?
18:37Yeah, that looks good.
18:38Okay.
18:39All right, let's try this.
18:40Honey, smile.
18:42Listen, I'm going to buy you a plane ticket.
18:44You and Tom are just you.
18:45You tell me.
18:46I can't let you do that.
18:47Well, just accept it, because I'm going to.
18:51Save that pride of yours for the parade.
18:53You'll never cobble together enough money in New York City.
18:56Especially without a job.
18:58So just let me get you the fuck out of Dodge.
19:02Why don't you drive?
19:04Because I don't have a car.
19:05Well, we can fix that.
19:07A road trip.
19:09Tom will love it.
19:10You'll be on the road like a gay Jack Kerouac.
19:14Jack Kerouac was a little gay.
19:16Everybody fine is a little bit gay.
19:18Listen, I love Tom, but he's dumb.
19:21I mean, he's brilliant, but he is such a dumb little boy.
19:24All that nonsense at dinner the other night about taking a year off to be a hobo.
19:30Riding the rails for inspiration.
19:33That's what this is about.
19:35That is not how you get inspiration.
19:37That's how you get hepatitis C, which costs $100,000 to cure.
19:42$200,000 if he gives it to you, and I don't have that kind of money.
19:45Well, I mean, I do, but I'd like to spend it on your wedding.
19:48We're not going to get hepatitis, and we're not getting married.
19:51Well, whomever you eventually marry, I don't know.
19:55Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't believe in that shit.
19:58Calvin, why?
19:59Your marriage, your second marriage, dad's three marriages.
20:03Oh, poo, don't be such a pessimist.
20:05You can't live your life that way.
20:07You never know what life has in store for you, honey.
20:10Joy, prosperity, happiness.
20:14Hepatitis.
20:15That's life.
20:16That's love, baby.
20:18Mom, what if this is it for me and Tom?
20:23Well, what more do you need?
20:27I know I can't predict where my life is going to go.
20:32I wish I knew if Tom was coming with me.
20:35It's going to be okay.
20:36Sorry, I got to go.
20:38Calvin, I love you to the moon and back again.
20:44I love you too.
20:44It's not working.
20:46It's not working.
20:46I feel like you're mad at me, and this isn't working.
20:48I need a moment.
20:48I'm sorry.
20:49Okay.
21:03There is something else I wanted to talk to you about.
21:06Uh-oh.
21:07And every time I bring it up, you find a way to change the subject.
21:12But you do know I want to have kids someday, right?
21:17Right.
21:18Yeah, well, I could totally see that maybe.
21:22You know, someday.
21:25Maybe someday soon?
21:28Like, how soon?
21:30Are you pregnant?
21:32Am I showing?
21:33A little.
21:35Well, I'm about to be 45.
21:38I've been thinking about it a lot.
21:41You know, I want to be around to watch the kids grow up, go to college, that kind of stuff.
21:47Yeah, but people live to be like 100 now.
21:50The average American male lives to be about 76.
21:53Not trying to be pessimistic, just those are the facts.
21:57You do realize you did this completely backwards, right?
22:05You sell me I'm moving in with you, and then you lay all this on me?
22:10I mean, this is a total picnic ambush.
22:12I'm not trying to lay anything on you.
22:16And I'm not trying to sell you anything.
22:19What do you mean?
22:20Look, let's slow down.
22:22One thing at a time, okay?
22:25First we move in together, see how that goes.
22:28Then, maybe a few months, we take in a foster kid, see how that goes.
22:34Or I can apply by myself.
22:38You've looked into this.
22:40Well, yeah.
22:44A foster kid.
22:46Just like a rental.
22:49Not exactly how I'd put it, but, uh, I mean, yeah, like a test drive, I guess.
22:57You know, try on parenthood.
23:00That's a pretty big commitment, but the stakes are pretty low.
23:03Fostering is usually temporary.
23:06I think the average is like, I don't know, two years.
23:09Could be two weeks.
23:11If it doesn't work out, we just wipe our hands and walk away.
23:14You've really looked into this.
23:19Well, I came from a home where I was unwanted.
23:28My father barely looked at me.
23:31Didn't matter what I accomplished, it was never enough.
23:34There was always something that he couldn't accept, and it was...
23:38It was one thing I couldn't change.
23:40I believe a kid deserves to be wanted by his father.
23:48I've wanted this for a long time.
23:51Meaning you only made me want it more.
23:56Let me think about it.
24:02I mean, I do really love taking care of my niece and then.
24:07And you're so good at it.
24:08But being a dad is different than being the fun gay uncle that lets you watch TV and eat gluten.
24:18There's a lot of health benefits to avoiding gluten.
24:22And watching TV melts their brains and turns them into zombies.
24:26I know.
24:26But the point is, it was never ultimately my responsibility.
24:32You know, I had to just try to not completely ruin them before their mom got home.
24:36I barely have my shit together now.
24:40I don't see how I can be responsible for a whole other person all by myself.
24:45You're not going to be alone.
24:48You don't have to decide today.
24:50Let's just take it...
24:51One thing at a time.
24:54Right.
24:55Right.
24:55We've got to find an apartment first.
24:58Want to look at places next week?
24:59Sure.
25:01Want to tell me where you're taking me this weekend?
25:05No.
25:07You can give me a hint at least.
25:09Okay.
25:09It's in Southern California.
25:13Boo.
25:13Not fair.
25:13That nows it down a lot.
25:16Big Bear.
25:17Santa Barbara.
25:18San Diego.
25:19Ooh.
25:19Palm Springs.
25:20Yes, it could be one of those.
25:22Well, which one?
25:23I'm not telling you.
25:25I am not telling you.
25:28Fair.
25:47Hey.
25:49Hey.
25:50There you are.
25:53How'd you find me?
25:55You love this place?
25:57Let me turn down location sharing when we got on the same phone for you.
26:02Hell.
26:05I screwed up.
26:06Again.
26:08So much has changed, and I thought that meant that I could do whatever I wanted, but it doesn't.
26:14I should have told you.
26:16I shouldn't.
26:16Honestly, I don't really care.
26:19That's the problem.
26:20It's an awful thing to say.
26:25It's an awful thing to feel.
26:28What choice do I have?
26:32I get that.
26:33I want to go home.
26:42Let's go.
26:42No, I want to go home.
26:46Okay.
26:48My mom offered to buy us a car.
26:51Seriously?
26:51Yes.
26:52You don't have to ride the rails.
26:54I'm serious about that.
26:56I'm serious about anything.
26:58I'm serious about spending the rest of my life with you.
27:02Let's do it.
27:06Let's drive to L.A.
27:07Our lease is up.
27:08I can pick up extra shifts this month.
27:10I'll work as much as they'll let me.
27:11I am going to contribute to our lives, to our future.
27:18Just let me make you proud of me.
27:24I don't believe in God.
27:30I believe in us.
27:32Just give me a chance, please.
27:36Please.
27:37Okay.
27:40Okay.
27:45Okay.
27:46You walk right through the door.
27:50My eyes go straight to the floor.
27:55Let's go.
27:59You spin me up and around.
28:04You sweep my feet up and down.
28:07Don't let me down.
28:15Show them what we got now.
28:17What we got now.
28:22And we will.
28:24And we will.
28:27And we will.
28:28Dance so carefully.
28:31And we will.
28:33And we will.
28:35And we will.
28:37And we will.
28:37And we will.
28:40And everyone will dance to sound.
28:45And everyone will dance to sound.
28:49And we will.
28:51And we will.
28:53And we will.
28:54Dance so carefully.
28:58They've got their eyes all on you.
29:01And we will.
29:20And we will.
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