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- #romance
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00:00Oh no, Adele's a rooster, Adele's a man.
00:12Oh, I can't deal with her today, she can just be a girl for another day.
00:19Hello?
00:20Where?
00:22So, thanks for picking me up, you dicks.
00:25Taxi driver, calling me princess, and he's like a whole new world to me.
00:29Arnold and I are coming down, we took drugs, Tom broke his wrist, it was all very exciting.
00:33Oh God, it's not a whole new world, is it? It's the same world, the only difference is that, I've got no money.
00:39It's nice to finally meet you, Arnold.
00:41You're very pretty.
00:43Yeah, okay.
00:44Okay.
00:59Oh, the good Lord knows it.
01:02I live better behind, I'll be blind.
01:04Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:07I think I'm all the kind of love that blind.
01:09Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:12I live better behind, I'll be blind.
01:15Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:17Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:18Why won't she learn?
01:21Maybe she has all the answers and just can't get it out.
01:24No, I don't think so.
01:26I'm pretty sure she's just, she's just yelling,
01:29I'm a fucking dude, I'm a fucking dude.
01:32Wake up, everybody, and check out my mohawk.
01:35Okay, I'm sectioning off this bit of the cast.
01:40This is my bit, okay?
01:42Everyone else can be boring in their section, but this is mine.
01:45I own it, okay?
01:47Yes, it's yours.
01:49Okay, so I'm going to write your dreams on it.
01:53Tell me your dreams.
01:55I don't really have any dreams.
01:57What are your dreams, Thomas?
02:02Lately, I've been thinking about how I really want to go on a water jetpack.
02:10Water jetpack.
02:13I am writing it down because I believe that it's a legitimate dream,
02:17but they can't all be this silly, okay?
02:20Okay.
02:21Okay, next dream?
02:23I don't know, I just, I don't have any dreams worth writing down.
02:27If you can't be real about this, Tom,
02:29then this section of the cast is going to be left blank,
02:32and everybody's going to think that you just don't have enough friends to fill a cast.
02:36So, be a shame.
02:39We'll continue this tomorrow.
02:43So, I think I'm in love with Adele, the transgender chicken.
02:49Yeah.
02:50Yeah, I am just so in love with her.
02:52What are our options?
02:54We can take her back to the farm.
02:56They will kill her, but we do get a refund.
02:58Fifteen dollars, which we will probably use to buy a roast chicken.
03:02Delicious.
03:03Mm-hmm.
03:03Or we can Google how to kill her humanely, kill her and eat her.
03:08Do you think we could even enjoy eating her?
03:11No.
03:12No, we will just be so sad.
03:14Well, you've always said that you wanted to raise your own meat.
03:16You've always pontificated about how disconnected society is from meat.
03:19Did I?
03:20Was that meat?
03:21Oh, yeah.
03:22Like, meat is so prepackaged and neat, but meat isn't neat.
03:25Meat is messy.
03:26And you think it's noble to kill and eat your own meat.
03:29Yeah, but not Adele.
03:30Adele's such a babe.
03:32I think that she's had a better life than most of the chickens we've eaten.
03:35So, I think it's okay.
03:37I think it is just okay that we eat her.
03:39I mean, we just have to, you know?
03:40I've really been pontificating about her for years.
03:44Hey.
03:45Arnold, I think we're going to eat Adele.
03:47Yeah.
03:48It's not right.
03:50She didn't have to die just because she was born a man.
03:53It's like China, but in reverse.
03:58If we want to eat her on Sunday, then we're going to have to kill her on Saturday.
04:01What?
04:02Yeah.
04:02Tom, we have some bad news.
04:05No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:06It's the best thing we can do.
04:07No.
04:07Yes?
04:07I'm out.
04:08Can't be out.
04:09Can't we just get her desexed?
04:10No, that sort of thing.
04:12You're not killing Adele.
04:14It's time to put on your big boy pants and kill Adele.
04:16Tom, if we don't kill Adele, then a stranger will kill Adele, and we can't let a stranger
04:19kill Adele.
04:20I wouldn't want you to let a stranger kill me.
04:21You can't kill Adele in front of Shakira and Beyonce.
04:24I don't want Shakira and Beyonce to live in fear.
04:27We need a cone to stop her from running around, so that's a fun job.
04:29You and Ella can go heist a traffic cone.
04:31Big boy pants time.
04:34Whatever.
04:35Don't you dare give me your job, okay?
04:38Claire, we're going to build an isolation cage.
04:41An isolation cage?
04:42Um, we need to isolate Adele for 24 hours before we kill her so that she doesn't eat.
04:48That's not a very fun job.
04:53I don't have a chance with you.
04:57Yeah, we should even things up.
04:58I should be handy, Captain, some way.
05:00I'll get the axe.
05:02It is awful.
05:03Yeah, like, I don't just think it's awful because it's my mum.
05:06What do you think of my orchid?
05:08Good things.
05:08It's a good orchid.
05:10My psychiatrists make me keep it, so I learn to trust myself.
05:14Right.
05:15Porkmits are very hardy, actually, Hannah.
05:17They do very well on their own in the wild.
05:19Maybe I should just release it.
05:21I killed an orchid once.
05:22Did it help you learn to trust yourself?
05:24No.
05:25I thought you might bring Claire for a visit.
05:28No.
05:29Um, she is.
05:30She's jet-lagged.
05:31All jet-lagged.
05:32They say it takes four times as long for the soul to reach the same destination as the body.
05:39So when you arrive at your destination, your soul takes days to catch up.
05:44What a lovely thought.
05:46Is that a lovely thought?
05:48Is it lovely to imagine Claire's soul drifting all alone across the ocean?
05:53Don't be sarcastic, Joshy.
05:54He's okay.
05:55He's just testing the boundaries.
05:57Two men in the house and all that.
05:58No.
06:02Stuart, honestly, you feel free to inhabit all the boundaries.
06:08I chose a dog from the pound once.
06:10I called it Dipstick.
06:11And on the way home from the pound, Dipstick jumped off my lap, out the open window, and under an oncoming truck.
06:20And Dad just kept driving.
06:22We never spoke of it again.
06:28Remember when we were high on MDMA and Ella asked us about monogamy?
06:37Yes.
06:39I just...
06:40I've always thought monogamy was archaic, like unnecessary pressure on relationships.
06:46You want to go and have sex with other boys?
06:48I really like sex.
06:52I think that's okay.
06:53You like sex.
06:53Sex is fun.
06:54And as long as we're smart and safe, it's like negligible risk.
07:01Can you tell me what you're thinking?
07:03Uh, I think this sounds like a shit deal for me.
07:07You going off and having fun sex with other boys?
07:09You know I have nothing on.
07:10It's only if we're out of town or whatever.
07:12and I would never replace time with you for time with another boy.
07:16It's because you're going on Math Summit?
07:18Is that why?
07:19No.
07:20Because it's a pre-Math Summit chat?
07:21No.
07:24Well, if you go off and have some sex with some math genius,
07:27and then you fall in love with a math genius.
07:29I'm not going to fall in love with a math genius.
07:31All I know is A squared plus B squared equals C squared.
07:35Is that even good?
07:35Is that a good thing to know?
07:36Honestly, whether we're open or not isn't going to protect you
07:39from me falling in love with some math genius.
07:42If I find someone better than you, then that's just tough.
07:47I don't know.
07:49Can you give me an example?
07:50Example of a dream?
07:52Okay, so I would like to be a teacher in a rough neighbourhood
07:55who makes all the students realise that hip-hop is the same as poetry
07:59and then they rep Shakespeare to me as a surprise.
08:01Yeah, that's good, but that's it.
08:02No, you can't have my dream.
08:05Sometimes I fantasise about being a hero in a plane crash or a fire,
08:10but then that seems like a selfish dream
08:13because it means people have to get hurt
08:15just so I can feel tough.
08:18Okay, I'll just write B masculine.
08:20Not that!
08:23Okay, so we've got water jetpack,
08:27being able to eat bread,
08:29and feeling masculine.
08:30Yeah, I'm quite happy with that, actually.
08:40Why are there two orchids?
08:42Oh, I'm going to join you in the orchid task.
08:45No!
08:50Yes, no, this is not a team-building exercise.
08:55Oh.
08:57It's a phallionopsis bloom.
09:01It's even the same as mine.
09:03Yeah, because it's the same flower.
09:06What, you don't even know the name of your own orchid?
09:08It's Michael.
09:09Oh.
09:10Then they're staying over again, again.
09:12I just have no idea what's going on.
09:15Is she home?
09:16Maybe.
09:16Or maybe she just likes Tom.
09:18Equally concerning.
09:20You couldn't have told me
09:20that Tom's got another annoying girlfriend.
09:22Oh, come on.
09:23She's all right.
09:23She's exhausting.
09:25Oh, my name's Ella.
09:26Let's go scupping at the beach
09:27and eat breakfast at midnight.
09:29That's not exactly a new way to be, is it?
09:31I can hear you.
09:32I wasn't trying to.
09:33It's just that there aren't any doors
09:35between where you are and where I was,
09:36and I have ears.
09:38I'm so sorry.
09:39No, it's fine, really.
09:42You see?
09:46It's like watching a Disney princess
09:49trying to make it in the modern world.
09:50What the actual hell?
09:51I can still hear you with my ears.
09:53Sorry.
10:01Okay, so you know when you were a kid
10:03and you thought you had to grow up
10:04and marry a girl and have kids
10:05and how you wanted that?
10:06No, I never wanted kids.
10:08I resented even being a child.
10:10And then you slowly realized
10:11that wasn't possible
10:12and everything you'd imagine
10:13for your future just fell away?
10:16Yes, okay.
10:17Well, now we get to make our own rules.
10:19Monogamy is like the big foot of adult life.
10:21Everyone claims to know someone
10:23who knew someone who knew a couple
10:24that did it successfully,
10:26but it doesn't exist.
10:27Okay, I agree.
10:28I just, I never want us to wake up next to each other
10:31and think,
10:31ugh, you again.
10:33Yes, okay.
10:34I heard you and I said I agreed.
10:37Okay, good.
10:38Okay.
10:39Josh?
11:07Josh?
11:07Josh?
11:09Hey, it's Alan.
11:17Hey, it's all right?
11:21Yes, it's Alan.
11:22Sorry, okay?
11:23I'm sorry.
11:24It's just really gross to eat you.
11:26If you've already eaten, okay?
11:27I'm sorry.
11:29Try hard.
11:30I'm signing up the food chain.
11:31Ella's refusing to come over anymore.
11:32You two really fucked me.
11:34I had a tiny light of happiness
11:35and you stamped it out.
11:36Is she really upset?
11:37She's not coming to either eat or kill Adele anymore,
11:39thanks to you.
11:40How long do you think you're going to be angry like this for?
11:42At least three more minutes.
11:44Can we just skip it?
11:45I want something as an apology.
11:46What do you want?
11:48Chocolate mousse.
11:49Okay, we'll make you chocolate mousse.
11:51Good.
11:51Thank you.
11:53Oh, Tom.
11:54Josh has agreed to an open relationship with Arnold.
11:57Oh, my God.
11:59Yes.
11:59High five.
12:00No, I don't know.
12:01I don't know if I find.
12:02I wonder if Elle would want an open relationship.
12:05She's cool.
12:06She's so cool.
12:06Okay, I'm going back inside.
12:08I promise I will text Ella
12:10and I will be incredibly nice to her.
12:11I will be so nice.
12:17Is it just me?
12:18Or is Claire being crazy about Ella?
12:21No.
12:22She is not in love with you.
12:23Everyone wants my D.
12:25It is exhausting.
12:27Am I right?
12:27No.
12:28I'm right.
12:29Nobody wants it.
12:30Oh, ho.
12:32Hey, lady.
12:35Hey.
12:38Oh, I got rid of the shower gel
12:39because Josh told me that those plastic microbees
12:42are getting into the fish gills.
12:53Tea always makes me feel better, Michael.
13:17What did you do today?
13:19I spent most of the day hating Claire.
13:21She sounded so hateful.
13:23It made me feel so frivolous.
13:25Yeah, she's been weird since she got back.
13:28She's usually not awful.
13:30And then I read about slaves.
13:32The world is broken, Tom.
13:34Do you know there are more slaves now than ever?
13:3721 million.
13:38And they make things we buy.
13:39Like, we directly fund it all the time.
13:42Yeah, I know.
13:43Do you care?
13:44Yeah.
13:44I buy fat-trade chocolate.
13:47Ooh, I like that it tastes less like poor people's tears.
13:50I really cared.
13:51I thought, this won't do.
13:52And then 10 minutes later,
13:53I moved on to looking at Claire's Facebook page
13:55and hating her.
13:56Then she accepted my friend request.
13:58So I moved on and spent half an hour
14:00looking at viral marketing videos aimed at women,
14:02telling women they're beautiful just the way they are,
14:05and then trying to sell them concealer or yogurt.
14:08Why do they only sell yogurt to women?
14:10Like, men eat yogurt.
14:12My dad, he loves yogurt.
14:14I like yogurt.
14:15Okay.
14:16I signed an online petition
14:18trying to give women in Saudi Arabia the right to drive.
14:21So don't worry, Tom, that's sorted.
14:23Fix that.
14:23Between Hermione and me,
14:25feminism's basically fixed.
14:27Yeah, good job.
14:27Like, I did it all
14:29thinking that I was helping solve the world's issues.
14:32But I wasn't, was I?
14:33I didn't achieve anything.
14:35Kony never seemed bothered.
14:37I was just jerking off my soul,
14:38trying to glean the smug self-satisfaction
14:41from other people's pain.
14:43I convinced myself that I was doing good,
14:45but really, I was just using other people's pain
14:47as an accessory to make me look cool and nice.
14:50Trying to convince myself and the world
14:52that I'm a better person than Claire.
14:55Do you think I'm just the worst?
14:56Using the world's problems
14:57to make me feel better about a mean thing
14:59that a pretty girl said?
15:01Um, I don't think you're the worst.
15:04I think you're the best.
15:06Like custom.
15:08I mean, I just don't know what to think.
15:10Maybe it helped.
15:11In a democracy, if you want change,
15:13you have to change people's minds
15:14and people look at the internet.
15:15People like cats now.
15:17Fuck cats.
15:19After all that, Claire called
15:21and she sounded pretty
15:22and she invited me to come and kill Adele,
15:24which was nice,
15:25and I pretended not to care about the fact
15:28that she used Disney against me.
15:31Okay.
15:31Um, you know that you're, like, so pretty, right?
15:36I would bang every Disney princess.
15:39Nala.
15:39You want to bang Nala?
15:40Not Nala, only humans.
15:42So you wouldn't bang the little mermaid
15:43when she was a mermaid?
15:44Yes.
15:45Obviously, I'd bang Ariel.
15:46Oh, I hate the fact that I'm more annoyed about it
15:54because she's pretty.
15:56That shouldn't matter.
15:57Yeah.
15:57Hey, baby.
16:10Oh, thank God you're here.
16:11I was about to feed you
16:12a little bit of octopus,
16:13but I'm not allowing to.
16:13It's against the rules.
16:14Octopus is, like,
16:15the most intelligent creature on Earth.
16:17You can't feed it to a chicken.
16:18That'd be like letting pit bull eat Nietzsche.
16:20Don't breed all this thing on.
16:22Does it matter?
16:23I'm just, like, falling deeply in love
16:25with this little lady.
16:27Are you ready to come inside now?
16:29She just looks so lonely.
16:31Yeah, you put her in an isolation cage.
16:33Hey.
16:46So this is...
16:47This is still happening?
16:50Yeah.
16:51I just realised that you haven't realised
16:53that this is insane,
16:55and usually you would have realised by now.
16:57OK, so there's two ways that we can do this.
16:58We either just cut her head, clean off,
17:00or we stick in the knife
17:01and then we just cut the jugular.
17:03The jugular weight is better.
17:05Only if you do it right, though.
17:06And seeing as this is our first time,
17:08I think that we should just cut her head right off.
17:09OK, everyone heard that, yeah?
17:11So, Mike, I need you to hold the cone.
17:12I don't think I can, actually.
17:13I can hold it.
17:18Dahlia being such a trooper.
17:20OK.
17:23Fuck.
17:26OK.
17:28OK.
17:29We love meat, yeah?
17:30Yeah.
17:30We love meat.
17:31Starkle of life.
17:31Hakuna Matata, yeah?
17:33Yeah, Tom?
17:34Yeah.
17:37OK.
17:39Josh, it's time.
17:40Yeah?
17:40Come on up.
17:43Head out, head out.
17:46No.
17:46No.
17:47Well, do it or take her out of the thing.
17:51Yes?
17:54OK.
17:55OK.
17:56OK.
17:56Here we go.
17:57Here we go.
18:03No!
18:03Do it, Josh!
18:04Do it, Josh!
18:08No, actually, no, thank you.
18:10Yeah, not today.
18:11No thanks.
18:11Chris.
18:12Hi.
18:12Yeah.
18:16She's not dead.
18:16She's not dead.
18:17She's dead, OK?
18:18She's just twitching.
18:19She doesn't have her head.
18:20She's not feeling anything.
18:21Is it it?
18:21Yeah.
18:22Good job.
18:22Is it it?
18:23Hey?
18:23I'll take her talent.
18:24Yeah?
18:25And I just need something to work with blood on.
18:28On it, on it.
18:28Thanks.
18:29Your orchid's leaves are going yellow, Hannah.
18:47Is that bad or I thought it was cute?
18:48Oh, I just overwatered it.
18:50I told you they thrive on neglect, didn't I?
18:52I failed, Michael.
18:55It's a good thing I'm never going to be a parent.
18:58What, never?
18:59Never, ever.
19:01It's a shame with those hips.
19:04You think it's a shame I'm not having kids because my hips are large?
19:08You've got hips for Australia.
19:10No use for them.
19:12Well, it is a shame, isn't it?
19:14It's like my hormones pulled a real swift dig.
19:16I thought, let's make this one into the ultimate baby carrying vessel.
19:20And they gave me absolutely no desire to make one.
19:23As if they think I'm going to get pregnant in the desert.
19:25Like a camel.
19:26Oh, man, it's not a camel.
19:28Yeah, whoever put me together didn't budget, didn't they?
19:31Like, oh, I like a walking graph for the distribution of wealth, aren't I?
19:35All the poor people, Donald Trump.
19:37Hold on, Hannah.
19:39It wasn't my intention to upset you.
19:41Oh, don't be so modest, Stuart.
19:42You meant it.
19:43You just didn't expect that I'd retaliate.
19:46You know, usually, sprinkle a little shame and a woman will wilt.
19:49Isn't that right, Stuart?
19:50Come on, Hannah.
19:51He said he didn't mean it.
19:52Why are you defending him?
19:53I'm trying to be neutral.
19:55Just settle down.
19:57Just an observation.
19:58Didn't know you'd be so sensitive, did I?
20:00Didn't know you wanted kids.
20:02I don't want children.
20:04What I want is you not to think about it.
20:06It's none of your business.
20:08Do you have to people in wheelchairs?
20:10And you say, oh, you should get a desk job.
20:13You've got half the furniture.
20:30Okay, I have some stuff you want to say, and I don't want you to make fun.
20:33Okay.
20:34Um, I've been very lonely.
20:38Hey, not fun.
20:39Not fun.
20:40No, um, I actually went.
20:43Three days, and I only spoke to one person, and it was a woman who owned the fruit shop,
20:47and she asked me what I wanted to cook, and then called me Liebling,
20:50and I was so happy for the entire night,
20:52because someone who didn't want to fuck me called me a nice name,
20:56and so I went back every week and vegetables I didn't need,
20:59and eventually I had to throw the vegetables away because I had no one to cook them for.
21:02Okay.
21:03Do not know what you want me to say if I'm not allowed to make fun of that.
21:06I just don't understand how it was shit.
21:08Like, how is moving to Europe to work a bad plan?
21:12It's a good plan.
21:13It's a plan that interesting people make.
21:14Is it, or is it a choice?
21:16People pretend it's interesting when they're on the phone to their parents.
21:19Can you just shut up and indulge me?
21:21Just indulge me for, like, five minutes?
21:23No.
21:24No, we don't indulge each other.
21:25I'm not indulging.
21:27No.
21:27You're not going to indulge me?
21:28No.
21:29Okay, fine.
21:30Great.
21:30Run's over, then.
21:31All right.
21:31Wait.
21:33Wait, no.
21:34No?
21:34Um, guess what?
21:36Um, you are moving to Germany.
21:37No, I'm pregnant.
21:38In my belly.
21:39There is a human forming in my belly, and I have to get an abortion, obviously.
21:42I refuse to feel bad about it because they are just cells,
21:44and every time they decide to multiply, they're making a horrible decision,
21:47and they need to be stopped.
21:50Okay, right.
21:51Yeah, we aren't telling anyone else about this.
21:57I need someone to go to the clinic with, and you're the best that I have.
22:01Yeah, sure, whatever you like.
22:05Okay.
22:05Yeah.
22:08Well, that's done.
22:10Yeah.
22:12I told you, so...
22:14Still running?
22:15Yeah.
22:16Oh.
22:21Okay, should we, um...
22:25Should we, like, say something?
22:28Yeah?
22:29Grace?
22:29Yeah, let's say Grace.
22:30No, we don't say Grace.
22:32We don't say Grace.
22:34Maybe we can just, like, hold hands and say thank you for Adele.
22:36Oh, that's Grace?
22:37No, actually, it's just holding hands and saying thank you for Adele.
22:40Not Grace.
22:41Uh, thank you, Adele, for giving up your life so that we can continue house.
22:46Well, we should have to gave it up.
22:47We're stuttering a coat.
22:49Okay.
22:49Let's say nice things about her.
22:52I like how friendly she always was.
22:54No, don't remind me she was friendly.
22:56I heard that you settled down, that you found a girl and you're married now.
23:13I heard that your dreams came true.
23:19Guess she gave you things I couldn't give to you.
23:25Oh, friend, why are you so shy?
23:31Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
23:38I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away.
23:44I couldn't fight it.
23:46I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.
23:52Never mind, I'll find someone like you.
23:59I wish nothing but the best for you too.
24:06Don't forget me.
24:08Don't forget me.
24:08I'll play.
24:09I'll remember you said.
24:13Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.
24:19Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.
24:49Sometimes it hurts instead.
24:55Sometimes it hurts when she hides.
24:59Sometimes it hurts.
25:09Sometimes it hurts.
25:12If that's how many of you don't know what is happening,
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