If Cell Phone Commercials Were Honest

Cracked

It's functionally the same as the VS 7 but I gave it some barely noticeable upgrades. #shorts #youtubeshorts #parody #iphone #android #funny #comedy

Transcript

00:00Introducing the iHorton BS...

00:04What number are we on?

00:06Eight.

00:07It's functionally the same as the BS-7,

00:09but I gave it some barely noticeable upgrades

00:11and put a different metal case on it.

00:13So now it costs $850.

00:16Rose gold.

00:18We made that one up.

00:19But I got my iHorton BS-7 just a couple of months ago

00:22and it's working fine.

00:22Oh, geez.

00:24One second.

00:25Just sent out an update.

00:27Oh, okay.

00:29Yeah, it's bad now.

00:31Glad to hear it.

00:37See, I can use anti-piracy laws

00:39to force updates on you

00:41that make your pocket box objectively worse.

00:43Oh, and if you want to sell it

00:45or give it to a family member,

00:47I can also lock your pocket box

00:49so it has no second life value,

00:50even though it's yours.

00:52And I will.

00:53I guarantee it.

00:54Wait, this doesn't make any sense.

00:56It says my memory is already full,

00:57but I basically just got it.

00:59That's because pocket box comes

01:01with a handful of stock apps you'll never use

01:03and which are impossible to delete.

01:05Oh, and if you don't update them regularly,

01:07they can cause the whole thing to freeze up.

01:10That's called built-in obsolescence

01:12and it comes with every box free of charge.

01:15That's my promise to you.

01:17Now, before I forget,

01:18I legally need to say that your pocket box

01:21may not be safe to keep in your pocket.

01:23Something about waves or exploding batteries.

01:25I don't have to be more specific than that,

01:27thanks to the neat little phrase,

01:29caveat emptor or buyer beware.

01:31It basically says we don't have to tell the truth

01:34because you should assume pocket box companies

01:37are going to lie a little right out of the gates.

01:39Anyway, the BS-8 is twice as fast,

01:42weighs negative pounds,

01:44and can repair your relationship with your father.

01:47Kind of trust me.

01:48Yes, sir, you may be thinking to yourself,

01:51where are these little gifts from the heavens created?

01:54Heaven?

01:55Close, warehouses.

01:57We find it's actually easier and cheaper

01:59to have workers make them for pennies

02:01and we put nets around the factory

02:03so they can't kill themselves in the middle of their shift.

02:05So you see, heaven has nothing to do with it.

02:08Enjoying your new iHorton, son?

02:10Yeah, I mean, it's got a bunch of obvious design flaws

02:13and my bill just went up for some reason,

02:15but I don't know, how do I look?

02:17Grand, and that's exactly why you need one.

02:21I'm not really selling you progress,

02:23I'm selling you the feeling

02:24of owning something new and cool.

02:27And can you really put a price on that?

02:29Well, I paid an installment, so it's actually more.

02:31I can't, that price is $850.

02:34Which is a lot, I agree, but if I charge you less,

02:37you don't seem to want to buy it.

02:38You seem to prefer things that are overpriced

02:41and it's frankly weird.

02:43The iHorton BS-8, oops, sorry, BS-8S now.

02:49It also takes phone calls, but you won't answer them.

02:52Okay, I've been Roger.

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