00:00I'm just curious, and you may not know this, but were you breastfed?
00:03Uh, no. Daddy would not share.
00:07Hi, welcome to Totally Real Interviews. I'm here with...
00:09Baron Trump.
00:11How are things going at NYU?
00:12Oh, I love my university.
00:14I'm always finding new corners of the city to be ostracized by my entire student body.
00:20Are you in student housing, or are you just in a dorm?
00:21I have a dorm. I don't spend a lot of time there.
00:24My roommate's gay.
00:27Do you have a girlfriend?
00:27No, but, uh, Tiffany, uh, please reply to my texts.
00:32I know you're my half-sister, but, uh, I'd still smash.
00:36You and your dad kind of have that weird incestuous thing going, I guess.
00:39Yes, yes, uh, I have my mom's eyes and my dad's pervy fingers.
00:44Is there anything that you've hidden from your family?
00:45Oh, yes, a, uh, bisexual Mexican she-they named Jade.
00:49Not like the color, it's short for jaded.
00:52So you are very tall, you're a big guy, you must have an interesting diet.
00:54On average, what do you eat per day?
00:56Oh, well, uh, uh, the fellow students at NYU have just introduced me to leftovers.
01:00Have you heard of leftovers?
01:02I never had them.
01:03Yes, yes, when you-when you don't finish a meal at a restaurant, you can take it home and save it for later.
01:08Uh, I bring them home, place them under my bed, and pick at them for the coming days.
01:13I'm very lonely.
01:14The blue-haired children of school will not speak to me.
01:18Why did you pick NYU?
01:19Well, I wanted to be close to Daddy, and also they have a great theater program.
01:23Right, I forgot how much you love theater.
01:25Got a favorite movie?
01:26Yes, Breakfast at Tiffany's.
01:28Oop, a little slip.
01:29Please text me back, Tiffany.
01:31I want to kiss.
01:33What is your most memorable Christmas?
01:35Oh, I remember one day, I came down, and I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus, and thought,
01:41finally, a reason for my mother to leave.
01:43Uh, but she stayed.
01:44She always stays.
01:48Well, there you have it, folks.
01:49Barron Trump, everybody.
01:50Anything else you want to say to the, uh, future students, future people of America?
01:53Yes, uh, reading is subjective, science is fake, um, and I need friends.
02:00Well, thanks so much, and, uh, we'll catch you next time, Barron.
02:02I'll leave you here.
02:04Oh, uh, alone again!
02:06I'll leave you here again!
02:06I'll leave you here again!
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