- 3 years ago
"I wholeheartedly believe in this mantra that life is about progression, not perfection," Todd says.
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00:00 It became more than a book, it became a burden.
00:02 It was like everybody I was running into,
00:04 they were feeling weighed down
00:06 and almost paralyzed by their damage, shame, regret,
00:11 what they lost.
00:12 I mean, the pandemic, what it took from people,
00:15 from actual people to their identity,
00:19 and it was like, okay, shoot,
00:21 I gotta do this book right now.
00:22 It's like, people need to know
00:24 that no matter what they've lost,
00:26 no matter how many layers there has been put on them,
00:30 that they still have value.
00:32 And I just came to encourage people,
00:33 you may be damaged, but you are not destroyed.
00:36 We're all damaged.
00:37 Under the name brands, the makeup, the degrees,
00:42 the success, the titles, and even the credit,
00:45 I found everybody still has cracks.
00:49 Yours may have started when you were younger.
00:51 And by not getting the attention you truly needed,
00:55 you decided that you'll never be disregarded again.
00:58 And now the comments and the likes
01:01 are a place of validation that are hollow
01:03 and still lack true fulfillment.
01:06 Or maybe you spent your entire life hustling,
01:09 grinding, and working towards a goal,
01:11 and in one moment, everything changed.
01:14 What's going on, brother Okla?
01:18 I told you, man, with that name,
01:20 you got to come to Tulsa, Oklahoma.
01:22 You hear what I'm saying?
01:23 You need to come visit me down here, bro.
01:26 - Absolutely, absolutely, man.
01:28 So congratulations on the new book coming up, man.
01:31 - Thank you, my friend.
01:32 - So two questions with that.
01:34 - Okay.
01:35 - But not destroyed.
01:36 It's your most vulnerable book yet, I believe.
01:38 So what led you to display that level of vulnerability
01:42 to your readers, and what led you to land
01:43 on that title as well, too?
01:45 - So the truth of the matter is,
01:47 I did a series called Damaged Goods almost nine years ago.
01:52 And there was a real resonance.
01:57 I didn't think it was gonna be as impactful as it was,
02:00 but people always came back and be like,
02:02 man, that Damaged Goods message, it really helped me.
02:07 And I said, the whole idea of that is that the value
02:10 that God placed on the inside of you is still there.
02:13 No matter what happens to you in life,
02:15 you just gotta be able to take that
02:17 and move forward with it.
02:19 And so every summer, I take a break.
02:21 Two summers ago, I was taking a break from meditation,
02:24 being with my family, praying, and doing those things.
02:27 And I felt a strong impression that I was supposed
02:30 to do a book over that series, Damaged Goods.
02:33 And honestly, I was like, that's not sexy.
02:36 Like, I don't wanna do that.
02:38 Like, I wanna do something that got some pop
02:40 and some pizzazz.
02:42 And the truth of the matter is,
02:44 it became more than a book, it became a burden.
02:47 It was like everybody I was running into,
02:49 they were feeling weighed down and almost paralyzed
02:53 by their damage, shame, regret, what they lost.
02:57 I mean, the pandemic, what it took from people,
03:00 from actual people to their identity.
03:04 And it was like, okay, shoot,
03:06 I gotta do this book right now.
03:07 It's like, people need to know that no matter
03:10 what they've lost, no matter how many layers
03:13 there has been put on them, that they still have value.
03:17 And I just came to encourage people,
03:18 you may be damaged, but you are not destroyed.
03:21 - So with that too, how do you think our past mistakes
03:24 can like bless others after we've been healed and transformed?
03:28 - So the first thing is they don't just bless others first,
03:31 they change you.
03:33 That's probably the biggest blessing.
03:35 Like a lot of people don't understand that this life,
03:38 you're supposed to be progressing.
03:41 And a lot of times that we get stuck in places.
03:45 And so it's our failures that sometimes push us forward.
03:49 It's like, oh no, I can't do that again.
03:51 I gotta go forward, I gotta move, I gotta try to get up.
03:56 And so a lot of times before it blesses anybody else,
03:59 it blesses you because it makes you change.
04:02 And then when it makes you change,
04:04 it allows you to see a brand new perspective on things.
04:07 And for me, I have so many instances
04:09 where I used to think one way, used to act one way,
04:11 used to talk one way, and then a challenge
04:15 or something that scraped or scarred me or damaged me
04:18 made me be like, hold on, I need to have more grace
04:20 for people like that.
04:22 Or hold on, I need to be more forgiving
04:24 'cause the same level of forgiveness I need to be shown,
04:28 I need to show that to somebody else.
04:30 And so I believe that our damage is a blessing in disguise
04:33 if we don't let it paralyze us, if we don't stay there.
04:36 And that's why I'm telling everybody in this book, man,
04:39 the whole goal is to take your trauma to triumph.
04:42 Like your pain can become your platform.
04:45 I'm sitting here talking to Okla,
04:47 the incomparable Okla right now,
04:50 on essence, because I shared from my pain.
04:53 And that pain now has prepared me, it's made me better,
04:57 it's changed my life.
04:59 And now because I'm sharing it with other people,
05:01 it's giving them the courage and the motivation
05:05 to maybe take those steps and change their lives as well.
05:07 - So what would you tell the person that may be discouraged
05:11 from taking lessons from a person that,
05:13 you know, may have a mistake, failed past,
05:15 or checkered past saying that they need to practice
05:18 what they preach, you know, the old adage,
05:19 what advice would you give to them?
05:21 - So the truth of the matter is,
05:23 people that have gone through some of the most qualified
05:26 to tell you about something.
05:27 Like, I believe there's a few ways to learn.
05:30 One of them is you can go through it yourself.
05:33 That's the dumbest way.
05:34 The best way to learn is to learn from somebody
05:37 who has already experienced it,
05:39 has a level mind and a perspective on it.
05:43 And then you can put yourself in that situation
05:45 and make conclusions based on that.
05:47 Like I was one of those that had to touch the fire
05:50 to see if it was hot.
05:52 But now I'm encouraging people,
05:53 please don't touch this fire, it's hot.
05:55 You know what I'm saying?
05:56 And there will be people that still do it,
05:58 but other people will be like, I trust what he's saying.
06:00 I see the authenticity in his voice.
06:02 He's being honest with me and he's got receipts to prove it.
06:05 Like, that's the type of people that I want to help.
06:09 And I'm telling everybody right now,
06:11 if you're a perfect person, this book is not for you.
06:13 Like, if you're perfect, go find another book.
06:16 But if you've ever been damaged, if you've ever failed,
06:19 if you've ever had insecurities or shame or regrets,
06:24 like this book is for you 'cause you're gonna find out
06:27 that all of that could be turned into weapons
06:30 to push you into your destiny.
06:32 And that's what I wanna help people learn
06:34 from "Damaged But Not Destroyed."
06:36 - In the book, you also talk about that you believe
06:39 in theology and therapy.
06:41 - Yes, sir.
06:42 - As you know, in the black community,
06:44 therapy has been taboo,
06:46 especially in generations past as well, too.
06:48 - Yeah.
06:49 - What would you tell the person
06:51 that wants to go to therapy,
06:53 but they think going to therapy may be dishonoring God
06:56 or still seen as taboo?
06:58 What would you tell them?
06:59 - So I would tell you that God made you
07:02 and he knows everything about you
07:03 and he made you with three parts.
07:05 He gave you a spirit, he gave you a soul,
07:08 which is your mind, will, and emotions,
07:10 and you are living in a body, okay?
07:12 The realest version of you is your spirit.
07:14 And that spirit, when we go to church,
07:16 when we read the scriptures, when we pray,
07:18 that is the thing that is getting rejuvenated
07:21 and excited and changed.
07:24 But it's your mind, will, and emotions
07:26 that a lot of times don't agree with your spirit
07:29 because you've been practicing
07:31 and you've had patterns in your mind, will, and emotions
07:33 of thinking doubt or doing the wrong thing
07:36 or feeling needy.
07:38 All of those different things have been patterns
07:40 that you have to have a process to get brand new ones.
07:44 And so I always tell people prayer is usually the catalyst
07:47 to some type of practice.
07:49 And that's where I'm telling people therapy and theology
07:52 is a deadly combination to your anxiety.
07:55 Therapy and theology is a deadly combination
07:59 to your depression.
08:00 When you can put those two things together,
08:03 what God says, your prayer, your faith,
08:06 and then you can actually go to a counselor.
08:07 And that's why I tell people all the time,
08:10 like I'm going to find the wisdom in the multitude
08:14 of counsel is what the Bible says.
08:16 And so I do think that it has been more generationally
08:21 a thing of not wanting to do the hard work
08:25 because it may require there to be a lot of shaking
08:30 in the family.
08:31 'Cause you already know some people's daddy ain't their daddy
08:34 and we already know that some people's auntie
08:36 ain't their auntie.
08:37 Like we, I mean, especially in our community,
08:39 like we know, like there's all kinds of stuff,
08:42 but it's like, we ain't got to bring up old stuff,
08:44 but your body keeps the score.
08:46 Like hypertension, stress, all of these diseases.
08:51 And don't let us even talk about,
08:53 especially in our community, since we here,
08:55 we talking about emotional eating.
08:58 Like this is part of one of the greatest epidemics
09:02 of our day is what do we do?
09:05 When we sad, we eat.
09:07 When we happy, we eat.
09:08 When somebody dies, we eat.
09:10 We don't know what to do, we eat.
09:12 And I know that I've been on a journey, a fitness journey.
09:15 I've lost 50 pounds in the past two years.
09:18 But the reason I was so jacked up
09:22 is 'cause a lot of it was emotional.
09:24 It wasn't even, I was trying to soothe myself with my fork
09:27 and some blue bell cookies and cream ice cream.
09:29 You know what I'm saying?
09:30 And so I just think that right now,
09:33 we have a great opportunity
09:35 to bring both of these things together,
09:36 the theology and the therapy.
09:38 We can actually worship and do the hard work.
09:42 And that thing will transform your life.
09:44 - Now, I actually want to talk about too,
09:47 the acronym HOT.
09:48 - Yes, sir.
09:49 - Can you elaborate on the importance
09:52 of being humble, open and transparent?
09:55 - Yeah, bro, I really believe
09:57 that it's the only way to actually live.
10:00 Like when you are humble enough to admit you need help,
10:05 open enough to actually receive it,
10:07 and transparent enough to do some of the things
10:10 that maybe don't feel comfortable,
10:12 you can get a result that will actually take your damage
10:16 and turn it into destiny.
10:18 For me, especially being a black male,
10:21 and all your life you're told like, suck it up.
10:23 Like, you know what I'm saying?
10:24 Shut up before I give you something to cry about.
10:26 Like, don't let them see you cry.
10:28 Like, that's so toxic, bro,
10:30 because at the end of the day,
10:31 those things were meant by God to be able to come out.
10:35 And if they do not come out,
10:36 they go in and they form other things
10:39 like anger and rage and hate.
10:43 And that's what we see a lot of times.
10:44 And so what I said is like, nah, I'm not going inward.
10:47 I'm gonna be hot, humble, open and transparent.
10:50 And bro, once I've done that,
10:53 in the safety of community that understands
10:55 what I'm trying to do,
10:56 people that are purpose partners going the same way,
10:59 as well as counselors and therapists,
11:02 it has literally taken me from seeing in black and white
11:05 to seeing in full color, bro.
11:06 My life has changed into HD color.
11:09 Like, you probably remember the old TVs
11:11 where you had to hit the side of it to get the picture.
11:14 That's a far cry from the type of televisions we have today
11:17 where you can literally see the sweat coming up.
11:20 That's how my life feels now that I've decided
11:22 to live humble, open and transparent.
11:25 And I'm just encouraging people,
11:27 like what happened to you, the trauma, the drama,
11:30 the damage, it may not have been your fault,
11:34 but I am telling you right now,
11:35 it is now your responsibility.
11:38 Who are you gonna blame from this point on?
11:40 And that's why I want people to take the power
11:43 out of people's hands that may have hurt them
11:45 and take it back into their own
11:47 and see what can happen when you take your trauma
11:51 and you turn it into triumph.
11:52 - So to expound on that,
11:54 it's actually my last question, my man.
11:56 What do you hope your book will help readers
12:01 in their own trauma in their life?
12:03 - Yeah, all I want people to do is take a step forward.
12:06 Like, I wholeheartedly believe in this mantra
12:11 that life is about progression, not perfection.
12:14 That this is not about presenting something
12:17 that's perfect and spotless and I don't mess up.
12:20 Like, my life ain't been that,
12:22 but it has been one of continually moving forward,
12:25 taking one step at a time.
12:27 It doesn't matter what it looks like
12:29 compared to anybody else's steps forward,
12:32 but one step at a time, you can become the person
12:35 that you were created and purposed to be.
12:37 And that's why I want people,
12:38 when they read this book, to realize
12:40 what's not transformed is transferred.
12:43 Like, if you don't do the work on the inside of you,
12:47 it's gonna affect the people you say you love the most.
12:50 Your children, your spouse, your homies,
12:54 your girls, your besties, they're being affected
12:57 by either the work you're doing to continue to progress
13:01 or the ignoring of your real emotions
13:05 and trying to suppress it.
13:07 We feel it, we know there's a reason you're angry,
13:10 we know there's a reason why you always avoid conflict,
13:13 we know there's a reason why you people please,
13:15 but do you even recognize that you're worth,
13:18 you're worth actually getting healed?
13:20 And so I want people to know, like, yo,
13:23 let's do some work and let's live a life
13:26 that you can know that there is value still in you.
13:29 You might be damaged, but you're not destroyed.
13:31 - Thank you, thank you, my brother.
13:32 I really appreciate this conversation, man,
13:35 and good luck on everything that you have in the future, man.
13:39 I just want you to continue spreading your message, too,
13:41 my man, I appreciate it.
13:41 - Hey, bro, I really appreciate you.
13:43 And one day we're gonna get you to Oklahoma, bro.
13:45 You gotta come through.
13:47 - Absolutely. - It's gonna be beautiful.
13:49 (upbeat music)
13:51 (upbeat music)
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