WATCH: Summer Black Love

essencemagazine

From celebrating decades-long wedding anniversaries to being childhood friends turned lovers, couples at ESSENCE Fest share their love stories and offer advice on keeping their bonds strong over the years.

Transcript

00:00 [music]

00:10 We met at Main Event, which is a entertainment venue.

00:15 And I was looking so good across the room that he couldn't help himself.

00:19 I was on my grown man that night.

00:20 When I first saw her out of the corner of my eye, I was like, "Hmm, she fine, okay."

00:25 So I walked up to her and approached her, and I gave her my number.

00:27 We met at the Texas Southern University. Go Tigers!

00:31 Soon as she walked into class, I knew she was the one.

00:34 And when she came out, I just told her flat out.

00:37 I didn't even know her name. I told her she was going to be my wife one day.

00:40 Our parents are best friends. We grew up just always being around each other.

00:45 And we always just secretly liked each other.

00:47 And we never said anything until about three years ago when we started dating.

00:50 We're both in April, and he was out with a group of his friends,

00:54 and I was out with a girlfriend and a cousin whose birthday is in the same week with mine.

00:59 And he came over and asked me to dance, and I gave him the stink eye.

01:04 And we went, "Yeah, I guess so."

01:06 Yeah, found love in the club.

01:08 Mmm, good question. I never gave up on love, but I was like, "Okay."

01:16 I wanted to make sure I was ready.

01:17 When I did pop the question again, it was like, "Okay, I'm getting older.

01:21 I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a marriage again."

01:25 And so I was like, "I'm going to give it a try again and see."

01:28 We just bonded. You know, went on a date.

01:31 Went to see the Wiz in San Francisco.

01:34 Spent all night talking. Just, you know, really connected, you know, right from the beginning.

01:40 Got married a year later.

01:42 We had been married for three years.

01:46 Our Belinda family, it was really easy.

01:49 I expected it to be a little hard with his children.

01:51 You know, kids are usually on the mom's side and that type of thing.

01:55 But his children made it very, very easy.

01:57 We've been married for 24 years, together 26.

02:01 We have three grown children.

02:03 One just graduated from college, and two are in college.

02:06 We have a couple photos from us as kids, you know, just being around each other.

02:11 And we just appreciate that we knew each other all those years,

02:14 and we're able to be around each other and, you know, grow up together.

02:18 This past Thursday, we celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary.

02:23 I think don't go to bed angry, but we don't always follow it.

02:31 I want to, but I think that's really good advice,

02:34 because it just gives, if you do go to bed angry, it just gives things enough time to fester.

02:40 Make sure you always have great communication skills with your wife.

02:44 And as men, we kind of fall short of meeting our wife's emotional needs,

02:48 so we got to kind of figure out how to open up their vulnerable side of us

02:53 and make sure we meet their needs emotionally.

02:55 I don't agree with going to bed angry.

02:57 Just like he said, communication is key.

03:00 There's nothing that you can't do as long as you work on it and work together.

03:03 Basically, you're on the same page.

03:04 So that emotional piece he was talking about, it goes both ways.

03:08 The best love advice I've received is to pour into your partner

03:13 and pay attention to everything that they do.

03:15 Happy wife, happy life.

03:19 People say that, but everybody has to be happy.

03:26 And if both parties are not happy, then there's no happy life.

03:30 Putting a timeline on everything, saying that, you know,

03:33 this should happen at this time, this should happen at this time.

03:36 Well, really, you don't want to rush anything.

03:38 You don't want to be running off anyone else's timeline but God.

03:43 Stop being so superficial about things.

03:48 I had a list, too, but sometimes their lists have stupid things on them.

03:53 "Oh, he needs to retire me. I don't need to work," and all of these things.

03:57 Okay, but he can retire you, and then he can beat you up.

04:00 I mean, which one do you want?

04:02 Get to know people. Don't, like, really rush into things.

04:07 Make sure that you're 100% whole.

04:09 Michelle Obama was saying in her book,

04:11 nobody's going to be 100%, you know, in regards to relationships.

04:15 So you have to go into a relationship whole.

04:17 So my thing is self-care, wellness, mental health.

04:20 Make sure that you're okay individually so that you can be whole together.

04:24 The singles, I would say live it up when you're single.

04:27 Don't take it the wrong way, but live it up.

04:29 Do you, because when love comes, it comes,

04:31 and you might know it, you might not know it.

04:33 So just do you until it comes.

04:35 (upbeat music)

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