- 10 hours ago
See how these lovers have kept the flame alive for 40-plus years
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🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00She lights up a room when she walks in any room.
00:04Everybody's talking about how beautiful her hair is.
00:07And that's when she will just go into being Miss Anita
00:11by encouraging individuals to do their best.
00:16She's a great mother, a great role model.
00:19I mean, don't get me to start crying on her
00:21because I'm about ready to cheer up.
00:30Oh, she's everything.
00:46Our wedding anniversary is Balanced Time Day.
00:49February 14, we're going to be married, 43 blessed years.
00:52And we didn't even plan to be married on Balanced Time Day.
00:55It was just something organic and supernatural.
00:59Yes.
01:01We didn't even know that was the date.
01:03Honestly, we didn't think in our minds,
01:05oh, this Balanced Time Day.
01:07We didn't think like that, honestly.
01:12I have been married to James for over 40 years.
01:16Our anniversary date is December 27th,
01:21and we got married in 1983.
01:24That date is so important to me
01:26because that's when my boo, my babe, my king, my everything
01:32asked me to marry him.
01:34This is so important because it was so many days after Christmas,
01:38and he had came home from basic training,
01:40and he asked me to marry him.
01:42So that date is so significant to me, and I will always treasure that day
01:48because this is my husband for life.
01:54We got married on January 30th, 1982, on a bright sunny day in Rancho Palos Verdes.
02:00At the Wayfarer's Chapel.
02:02Yes, the Wayfarer's Chapel.
02:04I'm an architect, and the Wayfarer's Chapel was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright's son.
02:08It's a beautiful glass and wood chapel overlooking the Pacific.
02:11So that's the place we chose, and go back every so often for a pilgrimage.
02:18We were surrounded by friends and family, and the view looking onto the Pacific Ocean,
02:27and the architecture by Frank Lloyd Wright was just amazing.
02:33It's the best place in Southern California.
02:37How did I meet Rita?
02:39I had been checking her out for a while,
02:42and so happened one night, we was walking by each other.
02:48She was passing by me, and I was passing by her,
02:51and I just built up the courage to ask her for her phone number.
02:56I didn't thought she would give it to me, but she gave it to me.
02:59And from there, I didn't call her right away.
03:02I waited a couple of days or so,
03:05because I didn't want it like I was desperate.
03:07And I just waited, and then I decided to call her.
03:12And from there, it went from there, and a consistent relationship after that.
03:18Anita and I are high school sweethearts.
03:20We met at University City High School in St. Louis, Missouri, U City, Missouri.
03:26And we knew that we were made for each other because we played house before we had a house.
03:34That means we are teenage parents.
03:38And I knew that once I had the responsibility of being a father,
03:44and I had a daughter, I needed a wife.
03:47So we got married after she graduated in 1983.
03:51And that's how I knew that we were going to make this thing work.
03:56How we met, it was on Sadie Hawkins' night.
03:59And I went to, I was supposed to meet a friend, a girlfriend for drinks.
04:06And I'm trying to think of the name of the restaurant.
04:11It was Carlos and Charlie on Sunset in Los Angeles.
04:17And it was a real lively singles place.
04:22And I'm looking for my friend, Angela.
04:25And I just happened to go into the ladies room.
04:30I didn't find her, but I just, I got to get ready to have a good evening.
04:37And so I went into the ladies room.
04:40You're, we were at the art gallery, not the restaurant, the Jamaica gallery.
04:48Well, that came after.
04:49No, that was the night we met.
04:50Okay.
04:51So I'm going to jump in.
04:52We both wound up at the Jamaica gallery, which is an art gallery in Venice, California,
04:56that was owned and operated by a Jamaican architect, Evan Williams.
05:00And Jill was in the bathroom, as she said, and then I needed to use the bathroom.
05:11But someone was in there for quite a long time.
05:13And I had to start doing the dance that we do, you know, trying to say, what's up?
05:18Almost knocked on the door.
05:19Then the door swung open.
05:20And I mean, I was done.
05:23Out walked this gorgeous creature.
05:25I was like, you know, starry eyed.
05:27So of course I went into the bathroom and I was like, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
05:30And then I busted out and I saw her looking at a painting and I walked over to the painting
05:34and I said, kind of looks like a Botticelli.
05:37And she looked at me and said, do you know about art?
05:40And I, you know, I started faking it ever since then, you know?
05:43Oh, that's funny.
05:44How do we celebrate Valentine day?
05:48We've been married for a long time, over 40 years.
05:54We do various, well, I'm the one who do the Valentine.
06:01So I've done various things.
06:04Back in the day when we were broke, if I couldn't buy flowers, I'll go sneak in somebody's yard
06:10and pick their roses and bring them to Anita and give her a rose.
06:15Rings, jewelry, movies.
06:20Anita's, we work on the same job.
06:23So a lot of folks say, how can you work with your wife and this and that?
06:27I'm like, man, that's easy.
06:29It's a business.
06:30But at work, and I had a position in which I were able to, you know, do a lot of things at the job.
06:37I would go into office early and place in her office flowers, cards, candy, gifts, balloons.
06:49So that when she reported to work and opened up her office, it was just this beautiful, you know, wow, all the ladies are envying Miss Anita.
07:02It makes me feel special, it makes me feel loved.
07:05Although I know he loves me, it's just him knowing his appreciation.
07:09And like he said, when he walks in my office with that bouquet of flowers, I am feeling like in awe.
07:16Like, oh my goodness, you know, he's caring so much for me.
07:20Now, I know that he's caring for me.
07:23But however, on this special day, you know, my husband don't forget what day it is.
07:28He is honoring this day for the one he loves.
07:32So I appreciate him.
07:33And I'm not the type of person who needs all these jewels and all that.
07:38And James knows exactly what I like, you know, but he appreciates me.
07:42He's showing me his appreciation and telling me, hey, you are the one I love.
07:46And not only that, he takes his time when he's selecting a cord, a Hallmark cord.
07:53I mean, he makes sure a lot of times that when he's picking the cord, that it has a Bible verse inside the cord.
08:03And he's telling me just as Phyllis, I can just hear it in his voice because he is taking the time to select the type of cord just for me, just for his wife, for his wife of 40 years, his boo, his baby mama, his sweetheart, his Valentine.
08:19What does Valentine's Day mean to me and the importance of celebrating it?
08:26It's another day, but it's a special day to do something special together.
08:33We like to cook together.
08:35Actually, Steve likes to cook more than I do.
08:39So I make a point to go out and get a wonderful bottle of champagne, some flowers and some salmon or something, you know, a great looking steak.
08:52And I bring it home and I lay it out and he gets busy in the kitchen and prepares it.
09:00A wonderful dinner.
09:02And, uh,
09:03Yeah.
09:04And all I'm wearing is an apron.
09:05Yeah.
09:06Yeah.
09:07Um, but what do I tell you every Valentine's Day?
09:10He does.
09:11He tells me he loves me.
09:12No, I tell, I tell Joe every, every day is Valentine's Day.
09:16Every day is Valentine's Day.
09:17Yeah.
09:18And he's wearing his Valentine's tie.
09:23It's not really just about Valentine's Day, which some people probably need Valentine's Day, but I treat it like Valentine's Day all the time.
09:33So it's, it's like, it's a normal thing, you know?
09:36So that's why she don't really get too hyped up about it because it's an every weekend thing or something like that.
09:43You know, I'm treating her with something.
09:44I'll bring her flowers.
09:45Don't have to be Valentine's Day.
09:47I'm buying her flowers.
09:48You know, if it might, if it's not a dozen, I'll get a one, two, three, half a dozen, whatever it might be, just to show my love and my appreciation for that I'm thinking about them.
09:58What makes black love different from me is, it's such a beautiful thing, you know, to look at a black woman, especially my woman, you know, and knowing that, you know, she loves me and I love her.
10:15You know, that's, that is value that, you know, it's true, true value that, you know, when two, two black people find each other and they just fall in love and it's just a continuously going on, you know?
10:30Yes.
10:31We're enjoying ourselves.
10:32Black love is fun, you know?
10:33It is.
10:34You can really enjoy it, you know, what you make, you know, and that's what I love about it, you know?
10:39We have a lot of fun time together.
10:42We spend a lot of time, you know, if it's not going out, maybe just spending time playing a game at home.
10:50And it's just a beautiful thing, you know, when you can see, you know, raise your children and they know who you are and they appreciate everything.
10:59What makes black love great?
11:02I think James and I, you know, like we're statistic, you know, thank God, you know, graduating on time.
11:09Thank God, you know, what our careers, thank God, able to build homes.
11:14You know, we built two homes all because we work hard.
11:19We work hard at our jobs, we work hard at our marriage.
11:22And thank God, you know, like James said, we see the fruit of our labor and we see what our kids are doing.
11:28And once again, be an example to others, be examples to other black couples.
11:32Like you can do it.
11:33If we did it at a young teenage, being young teenagers, you can do it.
11:38What makes black love different is, and I can't, I don't want to generalize for all of us folk, but we came up in households where our parents were actively fighting racism and discrimination.
11:57And we were parties to that.
11:59We learned under, under their experience and to be able to see things where they are, where the majority culture often is not attuned to what's going on.
12:13I call these parallel universes hidden in plain sight.
12:16Our universe, we have to swim seamlessly between two streams.
12:20They are only aware of one stream most of the time.
12:22And being able to, um, see, uh, challenges that, you know, you turn on TV, you see something, you hear something, you see it in real, in real life.
12:31You experience it to have that bond with each other, to be able to understand, to have that cultural competence is really important.
12:38And I think another reason that pulls us together.
12:45What I love most about going together with my man is that we are together.
12:49That means everything to me.
12:51Just being together, just having the love, just having the joy that we have and the commitment, the intimacy.
13:00I love it all.
13:01Growing together with him is, I love the fun of it.
13:04I think growing all together is somewhat challenging.
13:07Uh, because he doesn't hear what I say all the time.
13:12Or I may not listen or, you know, listen to what exactly what he's telling me and he'll have to repeat himself.
13:23Yeah.
13:24Not per ill will, just because our ears are getting bad.
13:27What is it like growing old with Anita?
13:30Uh, I tell you what, age ain't none but a number.
13:35I don't even feel old with Anita because we're so compatible.
13:39We, I mean, we laugh, we have jokes, uh, we have fun, uh, whatever goes on in the house.
13:51I mentioned it before stays in the house.
13:53Uh, we're blessed.
13:55Our children are five minutes apart.
13:58We're all homeowners.
14:00We all have careers.
14:02Here's something that we didn't mention.
14:05Uh, we all, myself and Anita, my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter, we all have master degrees.
14:15So the statistic that started back in 1983, 82, that baby who witnessed our marriage has an MBA.
14:25My youngest daughter has her master's degree.
14:28I have a master's degree.
14:31The woman who had a baby in high school has a master's degree.
14:36So growing old with Anita is not as if I'm growing old because, because of the choice that I made, I'm seeing my grandchildren.
14:46I'm raising my grandchildren.
14:48I'm at the games.
14:49I'm at the ballets.
14:51I'm, we're, we're attending the practices.
14:53We're picking them because of the choice I made.
14:56I'm not growing old.
14:58I'm getting better.
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