00:00People know me as the queen of confidence, but it didn't happen overnight.
00:03Like many girls, I felt really insecure about my body growing up.
00:07And getting bullied didn't help.
00:09The gym was a chamber of terror.
00:11I always felt like everyone was judging me.
00:13But then I got sick of letting other people's opinions control how I felt about myself.
00:18So I started working out.
00:20And I realized it's not about losing weight.
00:22It's about sweating out the bad and feeling really good.
00:26Going to the gym makes me feel empowered.
00:28And now, it's time to empower others.
00:30So when a girl named Rafi Lenny reached out, I knew I had to help.
00:34She's in for a wild ride.
00:35But that's what happens when you ask Serena.
00:43Hey Serena, my name is Rafi Lenny.
00:46I'm having a hard time feeling confident and accepting myself.
00:51I constantly get criticized by my family members
00:57in regards of my weight gain.
00:59And it definitely has been a hard time for me to accept how I look.
01:06And also, it's been a struggle for me to even go back to the gym because I don't feel comfortable
01:12going.
01:13I definitely do need your help.
01:21I'm going to be here.
01:21I'm going to be here.
01:22How are you?
01:23It's Serena.
01:24Lenny, tell me why I'm here today.
01:26I pretty much needed someone to remind me on feeling more confident within myself.
01:32Me trying to balance my mental health and going to school has, to be honest, has been a challenge for
01:38me.
01:38When did you start to feel insecure?
01:40I will say ever since I started gaining weight.
01:43I don't feel comfortable with my body and the way it looks.
01:46You talked a little bit about your family making comments about your weight.
01:49Want to tell me a little bit about that?
01:51When I go to my aunt's house, I know she cares about me deeply.
01:55And I do appreciate that from her part.
01:57But she always mentions about my weight.
01:59And I know for a fact the reason why she mentions is because she wants me to be in good
02:03health.
02:03And I completely understand.
02:05I guess it's just the way she goes about it, the critique.
02:08And then my mom is just saying, you have to work out.
02:11You don't do anything.
02:13You just stay home.
02:14You know, your stomach is showing.
02:16You look fatter.
02:17So when they say those things, it's like, I don't know what to say.
02:20Like, I feel like I'm being attacked.
02:22Yeah.
02:22I totally can relate to you because when I would visit Argentina growing up,
02:26I remember vividly when one of my family members was like,
02:31Serena, tan gordita, como le encanta la torta.
02:34You know, like, me encantan los dulces.
02:37And it really, like, hurt my feelings.
02:39And they're like, no, es un chiste, es un chiste.
02:43But it was like, I feel you.
02:45Like, I feel that pain.
02:46Like, it brings me back to a place where, like, family criticizing you is just,
02:52I'm, like, actually getting emotional right now.
02:54Like, family criticizing is just, it's very, it can take a real toll on yourself.
02:59Even the way you see yourself.
03:00Because it's like, they're your family.
03:02Like, they're supposed to love you and lift you up.
03:04And so I totally can relate to that.
03:07I'm so sorry.
03:08I don't know why I'm crying.
03:09I know.
03:10I'm sorry.
03:10I'm the one supposed to be, like, helping you.
03:12And I'm sorry to cry.
03:13I'm sorry.
03:14That's okay.
03:14That's why I started going to the gym.
03:16Not because of what they said about me, but because, like, I wanted to feel in control
03:20of the way I felt about myself.
03:22And I want you to feel that, too.
03:24Because once you have that power, people can say whatever they're going to say.
03:28But it doesn't matter, because you know how you feel about yourself.
03:31I feel really overwhelmed, like, when I go, when I choose to go.
03:35Don't know what stuff, don't know what equipment to use.
03:38I don't feel comfortable with my skin.
03:39And I just have this thing where it's, like, what if people are watching me?
03:43So I think going to the gym definitely will help with my confidence and my mental health.
03:47But I do need that push.
03:48Well, you called the right girl, because I am going to push you and put you to work.
03:52Are you ready?
03:53I am ready.
03:54Let's do this.
03:54Let's do this.
03:55Let's do this.
04:09Lenny, you're probably wondering, where the heck are we right now?
04:11Where are we?
04:12I'm trying to figure it out.
04:14We're at the Rage Cage in Brooklyn.
04:16And we're going to let off some emotional steam and get that heart rate up.
04:20Are you ready?
04:20I'm ready.
04:21Okay, but before we do that, I have someone very special I want you to meet.
04:24So we got to get you ready.
04:25Let's go, girl.
04:26Come on.
04:26Okay.
04:31Oh, special guest.
04:36Hello.
04:39Lenny, this is Hunter McGrady.
04:41She is a model and advocate.
04:44She was on the cover of Sports Illustrated and The Knot.
04:47She is common, body positive, activist, and she is a total badass.
04:51And she is, I thought, the perfect person for you to be today.
04:55Okay, Lenny.
04:56So Serena had called me and told me a little bit about what's going on.
04:59That you're having some difficulty with confidence going to the gym.
05:02I totally get it.
05:03You know, I totally understand where you are.
05:05I've been there.
05:06For me, the biggest thing that I've learned was self-affirmations.
05:09And now I have it on my mirror of things I can say to myself.
05:12And I say, you are beautiful.
05:14You are enough.
05:15You are worthy.
05:16You are worthy of being successful.
05:17You are worthy of feeling beautiful.
05:20So I kind of challenge you to do the same thing.
05:22I would like to say that I look beautiful.
05:26I love my hair.
05:27I love my body, my stretch marks, my stomach.
05:31I would love to say those things.
05:33But yet again, it's just my negative state of mind.
05:37Yeah.
05:37Just won't let you.
05:39Yeah.
05:40Because a lot of times when you deal with self-confidence
05:43and when you deal with any insecurity, it's your mind being shackled by what society has told us.
05:49The only reason we believe that is because we've been told by society to believe that.
05:54And on that note, I'm back.
05:58It is time to shatter the chatter.
06:00Ladies, we are going to take these plates and we're going to write down every negative
06:04or something that's said about us, every negative thought we had about ourselves,
06:07and we're going to smash it to the ground.
06:11Lani, are you ready?
06:14Yeah.
06:15Okay, say it out loud.
06:16You're fat.
06:17How did that make you feel when someone said that to you?
06:19Really sad.
06:21Who said that to you?
06:22My mother.
06:23Okay.
06:24My aunt.
06:25Mm-hmm.
06:25And my thought.
06:26My negative thought as well.
06:28And what are you ready to do with that?
06:30With that negative thought?
06:31I'm ready to just break this plate.
06:34One, two, three, set it!
06:38How did that feel?
06:40How did that feel?
06:40That feels good.
06:41How did it?
06:42It feels really good.
06:45I'm going to do it.
06:46I'm going to be vulnerable.
06:47I've been told that my boobs are really saggy.
06:51Guess what?
06:52I love my boobs and gravity is a real thing, so I'm done.
06:56I'm done.
06:59I was told when I did Sports Illustrated that I was not worried
07:03to be a magazine and we are all worried here.
07:09So Break It The Place has definitely helped me relieve stress and tension.
07:15At the beginning of the day, I was definitely, you know, nervous.
07:19At this moment I feel really energized.
07:22I feel hopeful.
07:24Definitely this experience has given me a light of hope.
07:29I am writing down the word fear.
07:32Fear, to me, is false evidence appearing real.
07:37And I think that we all can get rid of a little bit of fear.
07:40Look through the face and say we're over you.
07:43I know I'm not going to feel confident overnight, but it's all based on repetition and pushing
07:50myself to the limit.
07:52So when I do feel bad or I do feel depressed, just kind of remind myself that there's hope.
08:01And I can also look back at what I experienced today and always have that with me.
08:07It definitely has been out of my comfort zone.
08:10So I don't know what to expect.
08:12Let's see what happens.
08:13Can't wait.
08:21Okay, Lenny, a big way that I got my confidence back up whenever I was feeling down was to
08:26get naked, throw on some lipstick, get in front of the mirror and start dancing.
08:32So today you are going to be taking a dance class with Julia, the founder of Sass Class.
08:38Awesome.
08:39How's that sound?
08:39Exciting, but I'm so scared.
08:41Don't be scared.
08:42It's going to be okay.
08:43But as you know, Lenny, with me, there's always a catch.
08:46So at Sass Class, they dance in heels.
08:50Oh my god.
08:51Better get these on, girl.
08:52So what do you say we learn some choreography?
08:54Yes.
08:55Awesome.
08:55Let's do it.
08:56We are going to have an eight count to just mushy, gooey, love up on this wall and up on
09:04ourselves.
09:05Okay?
09:05Okay.
09:05So you can go down, you can come back up, you can turn around.
09:41Okay.
09:42If you think you feel sexy now, no performer can perform without an outfit.
09:49Awesome.
09:50Okay?
09:51Oh my god, thank you.
09:57Lenny, you look beautiful.
10:01Do you like this outfit?
10:02I love it.
10:02It's so comfortable.
10:04You look gorgeous.
10:06Do you like what I've done with the place?
10:07Yes.
10:07I love it.
10:08It's all for your big performance.
10:10Oh my god.
10:11Are you ready?
10:12I'm ready.
10:13Okay.
10:14But Lenny, no performance is complete without your backup dancers.
10:18Ladies!
10:23Lenny, these are the beautiful ladies of SAS class.
10:26I know we talked earlier about feeling a little insecure about when you're working out, you feel
10:29like people are looking at you.
10:30Well, guess what?
10:31We are your support system.
10:32We're going to dance with you and feel empowered together.
10:35Okay?
10:35Okay.
10:35Are you ready for your big performance?
10:41This dance definitely means to me empowerment.
10:45It's shocking to me.
10:47I never imagined myself doing that.
10:49But to actually be wearing the outfit, the leggings and the sport bra and just dancing,
10:55it definitely did help me change my perspective on how I look.
11:01And also, I'm starting to feel comfortable with my own skin.
11:05And it's okay to have curves and it's okay to have, you know, a little stomach.
11:11The most important thing is that you are happy within yourself and that you feel happy.
11:17So that's something that I definitely took from this experience.
11:28Lenny, how did you feel about this whole experience?
11:31I have no words to say.
11:33I'm sorry.
11:34I don't want to cry.
11:35No, it's okay.
11:36Talk to me.
11:37Why are you getting emotional?
11:38I don't know.
11:39I'm just, I usually don't get this type of support from like my own family.
11:45I see myself more, a bit more confident than before.
11:50When I was dancing in those heels and I kept looking at the mirror, I just kind of felt
11:55more accepting of my body.
11:57Like now it's like, you know, I don't look that bad.
11:59I don't know why I felt the need to, you know, get thinner.
12:03It's like I look beautiful.
12:05Like I accept my curves just the way it is.
12:08So it definitely has changed my perception on how I view myself as a person.
12:15I'm so glad.
12:16I'm so glad.
12:16Physically, so it's, it was an eye opening for me.
12:19It's truly amazing like what you've accomplished in two days.
12:24So on that note, I have a gift for you.
12:27Yesterday, we smashed all of those negative words, got rid of them.
12:32Today, I think we should replace them with positive ones.
12:36So I got you this journal.
12:38And it's for you to write your goals, but more importantly, for you to write positive affirmations
12:43that then you'll say in front of a mirror.
12:45Who is Lani now?
12:47I started with, I am confident.
12:50I love my body.
12:51I am beautiful.
12:52I am grateful.
12:54I am smart.
12:55I am brave.
12:57I'm on the right path.
12:58I am worthy of all things wonderful.
13:00I am always healing and never alone.
13:03I am learning to let go of fear.
13:05It's incredible.
13:06And you see that not a lot of those words have to do with working out, right?
13:10Right.
13:10Or about how you look.
13:11It's about what you're feeling inside.
13:13That's what's important.
13:15Right.
13:15I'm so, so proud of you.
13:18Okay.
13:18One more surprise, I swear.
13:20It's the last one.
13:21Okay.
13:22And I got you a free one-month membership at this incredible gym that's all about
13:29body positivity and a safe space and feeling badass, which is so up your alley.
13:35I think you're going to have a lot of fun and you're going to walk in there.
13:38What are you going to do when you walk in there, Jim?
13:39I'm just going to go in there and work out.
13:41My work here is done.
13:47Hi, Serena.
13:48Right now I'm at Form Fitness.
13:50Hi, I'm Maureen.
13:51I'm going to do great today.
13:54Do you feel like maybe you're a little less intimidated by the gym?
13:57Yes.
13:58Okay.
13:58I feel really confident.
14:00This experience has showed me that my lack of confidence had nothing to do with my weight.
14:06It was about feeling good in the inside and not allowing anyone to make me feel any less.
14:13Thanks to you, I am definitely going to the gym twice a week and it's the most amazing feeling ever.
14:20I feel so energized and I feel so productive and I just can't wait to go tomorrow.
14:26It's amazing.
14:27Gracias por ayudarme.
14:29Thank you, Serena.
14:30Bye.
14:37Hey, guys.
14:37Thank you so much for watching this episode of Ask Serena.
14:40To subscribe to Refinery29, click here.
14:42To watch more videos, click here.
14:44And don't forget, be confident.
14:46To watch more videos, click here.
14:46Bye.
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