- 13 hours ago
On this episode of Ask Serena, our host, Serena Kerrigan connects with one of her Instagram followers who has reached out to her for help. Rafilenny has been struggling with issues that Serena is aiming to help her come to terms with. Press play to follow her journey!
ABOUT SERIES
Known to her followers as the “Queen of Confidence,” host Serena Kerrigan uses her own journey to self love to help others claim their power. Whether it’s finally working up the nerve to ask a crush to prom or nailing a job interview, here on Ask Serena, our host is up to the challenge of guiding women to unleash their inner strength.
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ABOUT SERIES
Known to her followers as the “Queen of Confidence,” host Serena Kerrigan uses her own journey to self love to help others claim their power. Whether it’s finally working up the nerve to ask a crush to prom or nailing a job interview, here on Ask Serena, our host is up to the challenge of guiding women to unleash their inner strength.
ABOUT REFINERY29
Refinery29 is a modern woman's destination for how to live a stylish, well-rounded life. http://refinery29.com/
RELATED CONTENT
Why I Haven't Told Anyone I've Been Laid Off
https://youtube.com/watch?v=okPW7VMghVk
I’m 30 & Embalm Dead Bodies For A Living
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ePQmd2phpDA
I Got 10 Hours Of Transgender Facial Surgery
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6c-4A-gNqS0&
SUBSCRIBE TO REFINERY29
Subscribe to the Refinery29 channel: http://bit.ly/subscribe-to-r29
TALENT
Follow Serena Kerrigan on Instagram: https://instagram.com/serenakerrigan/
Follow Unbothered on Instagram: https://instagram.com/r29unbothered/
Follow OnHerTurf on Instagram: https://instagram.com/onherturf/
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00People know me as the queen of confidence, but it didn't happen overnight.
00:03Like many girls, I felt really insecure about my body growing up.
00:07And getting bullied didn't help.
00:09The gym was a chamber of terror.
00:11I always felt like everyone was judging me.
00:13But then I got sick of letting other people's opinions control how I felt about myself.
00:18So I started working out.
00:20And I realized it's not about losing weight.
00:22It's about sweating out the bad and feeling really good.
00:26Going to the gym makes me feel empowered.
00:28And now, it's time to empower others.
00:30So when a girl named Rafi Lenny reached out, I knew I had to help.
00:34She's in for a wild ride.
00:35But that's what happens when you ask Serena.
00:43Hey Serena, my name is Rafi Lenny.
00:46I'm having a hard time feeling confident and accepting myself.
00:51I constantly get criticized by my family members
00:57in regards of my weight gain.
00:59And it definitely has been a hard time for me to accept how I look.
01:06And also, it's been a struggle for me to even go back to the gym because I don't feel comfortable
01:12going.
01:13I definitely do need your help.
01:21I'm going to be here.
01:21I'm going to be here.
01:22How are you?
01:23It's Serena.
01:24Lenny, tell me why I'm here today.
01:26I pretty much needed someone to remind me on feeling more confident within myself.
01:32Me trying to balance my mental health and going to school has, to be honest, has been a challenge for
01:38me.
01:38When did you start to feel insecure?
01:40I will say ever since I started gaining weight.
01:43I don't feel comfortable with my body and the way it looks.
01:46You talked a little bit about your family making comments about your weight.
01:49Want to tell me a little bit about that?
01:51When I go to my aunt's house, I know she cares about me deeply.
01:55And I do appreciate that from her part.
01:57But she always mentions about my weight.
01:59And I know for a fact the reason why she mentions is because she wants me to be in good
02:03health.
02:03And I completely understand.
02:05I guess it's just the way she goes about it, the critique.
02:08And then my mom is just saying, you have to work out.
02:11You don't do anything.
02:13You just stay home.
02:14You know, your stomach is showing.
02:16You look fatter.
02:17So when they say those things, it's like, I don't know what to say.
02:20Like, I feel like I'm being attacked.
02:22Yeah.
02:22I totally can relate to you because when I would visit Argentina growing up,
02:26I remember vividly when one of my family members was like,
02:31Serena, tan gordita, como le encanta la torta.
02:34You know, like, me encantan los dulces.
02:37And it really, like, hurt my feelings.
02:39And they're like, no, es un chiste, es un chiste.
02:43But it was like, I feel you.
02:45Like, I feel that pain.
02:46Like, it brings me back to a place where, like, family criticizing you is just,
02:52I'm, like, actually getting emotional right now.
02:54Like, family criticizing is just, it's very, it can take a real toll on yourself.
02:59Even the way you see yourself.
03:00Because it's like, they're your family.
03:02Like, they're supposed to love you and lift you up.
03:04And so I totally can relate to that.
03:07I'm so sorry.
03:08I don't know why I'm crying.
03:09I know.
03:10I'm sorry.
03:10I'm the one supposed to be, like, helping you.
03:12And I'm sorry to cry.
03:13I'm sorry.
03:14That's okay.
03:14That's why I started going to the gym.
03:16Not because of what they said about me, but because, like, I wanted to feel in control
03:20of the way I felt about myself.
03:22And I want you to feel that, too.
03:24Because once you have that power, people can say whatever they're going to say.
03:28But it doesn't matter, because you know how you feel about yourself.
03:31I feel really overwhelmed, like, when I go, when I choose to go.
03:35Don't know what stuff, don't know what equipment to use.
03:38I don't feel comfortable with my skin.
03:39And I just have this thing where it's, like, what if people are watching me?
03:43So I think going to the gym definitely will help with my confidence and my mental health.
03:47But I do need that push.
03:48Well, you called the right girl, because I am going to push you and put you to work.
03:52Are you ready?
03:53I am ready.
03:54Let's do this.
03:54Let's do this.
03:55Let's do this.
04:09Lenny, you're probably wondering, where the heck are we right now?
04:11Where are we?
04:12I'm trying to figure it out.
04:14We're at the Rage Cage in Brooklyn.
04:16And we're going to let off some emotional steam and get that heart rate up.
04:20Are you ready?
04:20I'm ready.
04:21Okay, but before we do that, I have someone very special I want you to meet.
04:24So we got to get you ready.
04:25Let's go, girl.
04:26Come on.
04:26Okay.
04:31Oh, special guest.
04:36Hello.
04:39Lenny, this is Hunter McGrady.
04:41She is a model and advocate.
04:44She was on the cover of Sports Illustrated and The Knot.
04:47She is common, body positive, activist, and she is a total badass.
04:51And she is, I thought, the perfect person for you to be today.
04:55Okay, Lenny.
04:56So Serena had called me and told me a little bit about what's going on.
04:59That you're having some difficulty with confidence going to the gym.
05:02I totally get it.
05:03You know, I totally understand where you are.
05:05I've been there.
05:06For me, the biggest thing that I've learned was self-affirmations.
05:09And now I have it on my mirror of things I can say to myself.
05:12And I say, you are beautiful.
05:14You are enough.
05:15You are worthy.
05:16You are worthy of being successful.
05:17You are worthy of feeling beautiful.
05:20So I kind of challenge you to do the same thing.
05:22I would like to say that I look beautiful.
05:26I love my hair.
05:27I love my body, my stretch marks, my stomach.
05:31I would love to say those things.
05:33But yet again, it's just my negative state of mind.
05:37Yeah.
05:37Just won't let you.
05:39Yeah.
05:40Because a lot of times when you deal with self-confidence
05:43and when you deal with any insecurity, it's your mind being shackled by what society has told us.
05:49The only reason we believe that is because we've been told by society to believe that.
05:54And on that note, I'm back.
05:58It is time to shatter the chatter.
06:00Ladies, we are going to take these plates and we're going to write down every negative
06:04or something that's said about us, every negative thought we had about ourselves,
06:07and we're going to smash it to the ground.
06:11Lani, are you ready?
06:14Yeah.
06:15Okay, say it out loud.
06:16You're fat.
06:17How did that make you feel when someone said that to you?
06:19Really sad.
06:21Who said that to you?
06:22My mother.
06:23Okay.
06:24My aunt.
06:25Mm-hmm.
06:25And my thought.
06:26My negative thought as well.
06:28And what are you ready to do with that?
06:30With that negative thought?
06:31I'm ready to just break this plate.
06:34One, two, three, set it!
06:38How did that feel?
06:40How did that feel?
06:40That feels good.
06:41How did it?
06:42It feels really good.
06:45I'm going to do it.
06:46I'm going to be vulnerable.
06:47I've been told that my boobs are really saggy.
06:51Guess what?
06:52I love my boobs and gravity is a real thing, so I'm done.
06:56I'm done.
06:59I was told when I did Sports Illustrated that I was not worried
07:03to be a magazine and we are all worried here.
07:09So Break It The Place has definitely helped me relieve stress and tension.
07:15At the beginning of the day, I was definitely, you know, nervous.
07:19At this moment I feel really energized.
07:22I feel hopeful.
07:24Definitely this experience has given me a light of hope.
07:29I am writing down the word fear.
07:32Fear, to me, is false evidence appearing real.
07:37And I think that we all can get rid of a little bit of fear.
07:40Look through the face and say we're over you.
07:43I know I'm not going to feel confident overnight, but it's all based on repetition and pushing
07:50myself to the limit.
07:52So when I do feel bad or I do feel depressed, just kind of remind myself that there's hope.
08:01And I can also look back at what I experienced today and always have that with me.
08:07It definitely has been out of my comfort zone.
08:10So I don't know what to expect.
08:12Let's see what happens.
08:13Can't wait.
08:21Okay, Lenny, a big way that I got my confidence back up whenever I was feeling down was to
08:26get naked, throw on some lipstick, get in front of the mirror and start dancing.
08:32So today you are going to be taking a dance class with Julia, the founder of Sass Class.
08:38Awesome.
08:39How's that sound?
08:39Exciting, but I'm so scared.
08:41Don't be scared.
08:42It's going to be okay.
08:43But as you know, Lenny, with me, there's always a catch.
08:46So at Sass Class, they dance in heels.
08:50Oh my god.
08:51Better get these on, girl.
08:52So what do you say we learn some choreography?
08:54Yes.
08:55Awesome.
08:55Let's do it.
08:56We are going to have an eight count to just mushy, gooey, love up on this wall and up on
09:04ourselves.
09:05Okay?
09:05Okay.
09:05So you can go down, you can come back up, you can turn around.
09:41Okay.
09:42If you think you feel sexy now, no performer can perform without an outfit.
09:49Awesome.
09:50Okay?
09:51Oh my god, thank you.
09:57Lenny, you look beautiful.
10:01Do you like this outfit?
10:02I love it.
10:02It's so comfortable.
10:04You look gorgeous.
10:06Do you like what I've done with the place?
10:07Yes.
10:07I love it.
10:08It's all for your big performance.
10:10Oh my god.
10:11Are you ready?
10:12I'm ready.
10:13Okay.
10:14But Lenny, no performance is complete without your backup dancers.
10:18Ladies!
10:23Lenny, these are the beautiful ladies of SAS class.
10:26I know we talked earlier about feeling a little insecure about when you're working out, you feel
10:29like people are looking at you.
10:30Well, guess what?
10:31We are your support system.
10:32We're going to dance with you and feel empowered together.
10:35Okay?
10:35Okay.
10:35Are you ready for your big performance?
10:41This dance definitely means to me empowerment.
10:45It's shocking to me.
10:47I never imagined myself doing that.
10:49But to actually be wearing the outfit, the leggings and the sport bra and just dancing,
10:55it definitely did help me change my perspective on how I look.
11:01And also, I'm starting to feel comfortable with my own skin.
11:05And it's okay to have curves and it's okay to have, you know, a little stomach.
11:11The most important thing is that you are happy within yourself and that you feel happy.
11:17So that's something that I definitely took from this experience.
11:28Lenny, how did you feel about this whole experience?
11:31I have no words to say.
11:33I'm sorry.
11:34I don't want to cry.
11:35No, it's okay.
11:36Talk to me.
11:37Why are you getting emotional?
11:38I don't know.
11:39I'm just, I usually don't get this type of support from like my own family.
11:45I see myself more, a bit more confident than before.
11:50When I was dancing in those heels and I kept looking at the mirror, I just kind of felt
11:55more accepting of my body.
11:57Like now it's like, you know, I don't look that bad.
11:59I don't know why I felt the need to, you know, get thinner.
12:03It's like I look beautiful.
12:05Like I accept my curves just the way it is.
12:08So it definitely has changed my perception on how I view myself as a person.
12:15I'm so glad.
12:16I'm so glad.
12:16Physically, so it's, it was an eye opening for me.
12:19It's truly amazing like what you've accomplished in two days.
12:24So on that note, I have a gift for you.
12:27Yesterday, we smashed all of those negative words, got rid of them.
12:32Today, I think we should replace them with positive ones.
12:36So I got you this journal.
12:38And it's for you to write your goals, but more importantly, for you to write positive affirmations
12:43that then you'll say in front of a mirror.
12:45Who is Lani now?
12:47I started with, I am confident.
12:50I love my body.
12:51I am beautiful.
12:52I am grateful.
12:54I am smart.
12:55I am brave.
12:57I'm on the right path.
12:58I am worthy of all things wonderful.
13:00I am always healing and never alone.
13:03I am learning to let go of fear.
13:05It's incredible.
13:06And you see that not a lot of those words have to do with working out, right?
13:10Right.
13:10Or about how you look.
13:11It's about what you're feeling inside.
13:13That's what's important.
13:15Right.
13:15I'm so, so proud of you.
13:18Okay.
13:18One more surprise, I swear.
13:20It's the last one.
13:21Okay.
13:22And I got you a free one-month membership at this incredible gym that's all about
13:29body positivity and a safe space and feeling badass, which is so up your alley.
13:35I think you're going to have a lot of fun and you're going to walk in there.
13:38What are you going to do when you walk in there, Jim?
13:39I'm just going to go in there and work out.
13:41My work here is done.
13:47Hi, Serena.
13:48Right now I'm at Form Fitness.
13:50Hi, I'm Maureen.
13:51I'm going to do great today.
13:54Do you feel like maybe you're a little less intimidated by the gym?
13:57Yes.
13:58Okay.
13:58I feel really confident.
14:00This experience has showed me that my lack of confidence had nothing to do with my weight.
14:06It was about feeling good in the inside and not allowing anyone to make me feel any less.
14:13Thanks to you, I am definitely going to the gym twice a week and it's the most amazing feeling ever.
14:20I feel so energized and I feel so productive and I just can't wait to go tomorrow.
14:26It's amazing.
14:27Gracias por ayudarme.
14:29Thank you, Serena.
14:30Bye.
14:37Hey, guys.
14:37Thank you so much for watching this episode of Ask Serena.
14:40To subscribe to Refinery29, click here.
14:42To watch more videos, click here.
14:44And don't forget, be confident.
14:46To watch more videos, click here.
14:46Bye.
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