- 5 months ago
Taskmaster (NZ) S06 E01 2025
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30Tēnā koutou katoa, nau mai, haere mai and welcome to a brand new season of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:43My name is Jeremy Wells and every year as part of my charity work in the Big Buddy Little Buddy program
00:49I arrange for five comedians to spend time with my little buddy Paul here
00:54completing a series of tasks that feel surprisingly high stakes
00:58considering the fact that none of this matters in the slightest.
01:03These comedians aren't just here out of the goodness of their hearts
01:06they're here for this
01:08my golden head.
01:11So let's introduce the five comedians who for the next ten weeks will be gaining points and losing dignity.
01:19Please put your hands together for Alice Sneddon
01:23Brie Thomas L
01:26Jack Ansett
01:29Jackie Bambi
01:31and Pat Sasati
01:34and joining me as always is the man who calls me his best friend for life
01:40and who I'm proud to call an occasional colleague
01:43it's my assistant ladies and gentlemen Paul Williams
01:46How's it going Paul?
01:52Paul has taken a two month vow of silence
02:02So how long has he got to go?
02:05So how long has he got to go?
02:07I'm good
02:08Okay
02:09Thank you Lachlan
02:12Wow
02:15Good to be back
02:17That monk's name is Lachlan?
02:19Yeah
02:20Yeah
02:21Wow
02:22First up as always we'll be beginning with the prize task
02:27Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that gives them the most street cred
02:33and whoever wins tonight's episode will take home all five things and the respect of the streets
02:40What did you bring in Alice?
02:42There's nothing that gives you more street cred than drugs
02:46But I wasn't allowed to bring in any of those so I thought what's second best
02:53and that is a list of people who both do drugs and are successful
03:00But what's incredible about the list is the company I'm in
03:04Up the top Elon Musk
03:06Wow
03:08So obviously this list was created a while ago where that was actually a bigger get
03:13Number four Barack Obama
03:15And then coming in at number three Alice Sneddon
03:18How did you end up on this list?
03:21Have you openly been a weed smoker?
03:24Yeah
03:25Have you openly been successful?
03:27Oh Pax
03:28That's actually something I prefer to keep private
03:32Brie what did you bring in?
03:34Look Jeremy I thought what gives me the most street cred it's my personalised number plates
03:39Oh
03:40Oh my god
03:42Flashdoll
03:43I wish I was joking
03:45Yeah
03:46So you do realise that if you don't win this prize task
03:50Those number plates go to the person who wins the episode
03:53And that's why I think everyone will let me win tonight
03:57And I would actually like to withdraw from competition
04:00Jack what did you bring in?
04:02I emailed New Zealand's longest running soap opera Shortland Street
04:07And I asked if I could be on an episode and they said yes and I got an actual street cred
04:12There we are
04:13There you go
04:14Thank you
04:15Congratulations
04:16Very impressive
04:17I also have been on the street
04:20I've also been on the street
04:22Oh for f**k sakes
04:23Has anyone not been on Shortland Street?
04:25Everyone's been, everyone here has probably been on Shortland Street
04:27Hey hey hey
04:28Anyone in the audience been on Shortland Street?
04:30Yeah there's a few that are on too
04:31Jackie what did you bring in for the prize task?
04:36So I freaked and I went to the internet and I just typed in like you know what could give me street cred
04:43It said there are a few ways you can get street cred without being in a gang
04:48So I thought great
04:49Always be honest in your business interactions
04:53No one wants to buy molly from a guy who's known to cut it with meth
04:57So that's good
05:00This is my research
05:01But, but, but, but, but, but, here we go
05:03A better idea is not trying to get street cred
05:07It doesn't really get you anywhere later in life
05:10I'm 49
05:11It's way safer, more profitable and ultimately more respectable to stay on the straightish and narrowish
05:18So I actually, yeah I chose to put up reading glasses to kind of go against the street cred
05:27Oh
05:29Weirdly I still think this is better than Jack's
05:31Oh, 100%! 100%!
05:34Pax what did you bring in?
05:36Something that I think gives you a lot of street cred is breaking and entering
05:41And I've stolen something that you may recognise
05:45Oh
05:46Oh
05:47Oh
05:48Oh
05:49Oh
05:50Oh
05:51Oh is right
05:52Oh
05:53What happened to the bat?
05:54Where's the, where's the bat gone?
05:56You broke it, you broke it
05:57There's only 200 of those in existence, well there were when they were made
06:01Yeah, it was already like that
06:03I also have footage of me stealing it if you'd like to see that
06:07Could have you not at least stole the Mike Hosking puppet?
06:10No, I found that terrifying
06:13I feel really guilty and I have to show you, I did more
06:19Oh you are
06:20Oh that's what he's doing
06:23I just couldn't resist, I couldn't resist
06:28It's gonna be hard for me to judge this
06:31Who do I give one point to? It's hard to know who not to give one point to
06:35I think I'm gonna go Jackie's glasses one, two points for Brie and the number plates
06:43That's fair
06:44God help me three points for Jack
06:46Easy tiger
06:47I'm gonna go four points for Alice
06:50And it was an impressive effort from you Pax despite the fact that you've stolen one of my most treasured possessions
06:56Five points for Pax
07:02Okay enough admin
07:03I'm ready for the first proper task of the show Paul
07:06Sure thing Jeremy
07:07Oh my god I'm so nervous
07:08In a Taskmaster New Zealand first
07:11This season our contestants completed some of their tasks at a new location
07:16That location?
07:18Rainbow's End
07:20New Zealand's best and only theme park
07:24Here is one of those tasks and this one has our contestants bouncing off the walls
07:30Ah
07:38Is that you Paul?
07:40Yeah
07:41Hello Paul
07:42Hello Brie
07:43Hello Alice
07:44Hello Paul
07:45Hello Jackie
07:51I just wanted to keep it traditional
07:53Alrighty here we go
07:56With one roll bounce this ball off the walls as many times as possible before knocking over the toilet paper tower
08:07You may not touch the ball in any manner once you have rolled it
08:12Most times the ball hits a wall before it knocks over the tower wins
08:16You have 18 minutes to prepare and then one official attempt
08:20To signal your official attempt say the phrase let the good times roll before rolling your ball
08:26Your time starts now
08:28Okay that's a piece of piss
08:29You can practice but you have one official roll
08:32And I can use these?
08:33Mhm
08:34That is what they're for
08:35Okay
08:36Alright thank you Paul
08:42Seems pretty simple
08:44I guess we need to address a couple of things firstly
08:46Jack
08:47Yeah
08:48Any reason why you're dressed like David Bain representing Dunedin in Top Town 1986
08:53Wow
08:54Wow
08:55Jeremy I'd argue I'm always dressed like David Bain
08:58Um
08:59Um
09:00Yeah I actually dressed as a runner
09:02Did that not come across?
09:04He used to do a paper run
09:06Um
09:09I actually auditioned to be a young David Bain in the David Bain TV show
09:14Yeah
09:15I don't know if you've ever been in a waiting room full of David Bain lookalikes
09:19Before
09:20But um
09:21Yeah
09:22There haven't been that many Bains in one room since 1994
09:25But anyway
09:26Um
09:27Sorry
09:28Okay
09:29Okay Paul
09:30Whose blue roll bowling are we gonna see first?
09:33What do Mad Men, Scream 4 and the Lego Movie all have in common?
09:37It's Alison Brie
09:38Woo
09:39Woo
09:40Well I'm just gonna give it a go
09:41I just wanna give it a tone and not touch any of this stuff
09:46No that's not gonna work okay
09:48Well that was shit
09:50No okay
09:51Do I have to get that Paul?
09:52Ideally
09:53Oh shit
09:54I'm gonna make like a tunnel and then just whip it
10:00Paul
10:01If ever my ass doesn't look good you tell me okay
10:04Okay
10:12This is what tradies must feel like on the job
10:14Yeah
10:15Hard days work
10:16You've been going for about seven minutes
10:18Okay what do you reckon?
10:19That looks pretty good
10:20I could have a practice right now
10:21Yes
10:22This a practice?
10:27Oh shit
10:28You little shit
10:29What am I missing?
10:34On that time you missed the tower
10:44Well that wasn't good was it?
10:50There's quite a lot of wall touches
10:51Yeah okay cool
10:52Great we'll do one
10:53What's the phrase?
10:54What's the phrase?
10:55Let the good times roll!
10:59That's one
11:00That's two
11:01That's three
11:02That's four
11:03That's one
11:04That's six
11:05Let the good times roll
11:06Okay so task number one
11:19How many tasks are we going to expect you to be starting with the words let's give this a home?
11:26I'm afraid too many
11:28I can't tell you how confident I was going into this and how already that confidence is shattered
11:38Wow
11:39Bri, seven minutes doing a task and you're talking about a hard day's work
11:44I've got asthma but I was genuinely puffed and I was like how can I stop from running as many times and I just thought make it more narrow and hopefully get more bounces obviously planned in turn out
11:56You know that's life
11:58That's actually beautiful
11:59Yeah thank you
12:00I like that
12:01That's an inspiration to all kids out there with asthma
12:04Yeah
12:05So Bri obviously built walls
12:08Thoughts on that?
12:09I think that's fine
12:10Okay
12:11I felt like that was okay
12:12So just to clarify Paul how many wall touches have we got for Alice and Bri?
12:16Uh Bri, four
12:18Four?
12:19Alice?
12:20Yes
12:21Are you sure?
12:22Yes
12:23Fair enough
12:26Wow
12:27Back down quickly there
12:29Alice, eight
12:30Oh wow
12:31Okay
12:32Alright good news it's time for the first ad break of the season
12:36Make sure you savour every moment because after this there's only 39 more to go
12:42See you soon
12:43Welcome back to the season six premiere of Castmaster Museum
13:02Where were we Paul?
13:03Our five contestants are attempting to bounce a ball off some walls as many times as possible before knocking over a toilet paper tower
13:11Up next it's time for a PB&J sandwich
13:15Pax, Ball and Jackie
13:17So you're gonna move the tower?
13:19Yeah
13:20Where are you moving it to?
13:21Don't talk to me right now Paul
13:23I feel like I need probably about 200 more of these
13:26Okay
13:27Is that a possibility?
13:28No
13:29You're not a yes guy
13:30Oh sorry
13:31But I would argue yes I am
13:33So you're building your own walls?
13:35Yeah
13:36My therapist told me that I need to stop building walls
13:38Or else my marriage is destined to fail
13:40So you're still building walls?
13:42Yeah
13:43My marriage
13:44It's going well actually
13:45Okay
13:46We did it recently my wife and I
13:47Did what?
13:48Sex Paul we did sex
13:52Wow
13:58What are you doing?
14:00I'm frozen in panic
14:02Okay how to let the good times
14:03What?
14:04Gotta gotta
14:05Gotta let the good times?
14:07I don't know sayings
14:08I don't know white people sayings
14:09Oh just let the good times roll
14:20Let the good times roll
14:28Got that one
14:30Kind of touching it
14:31Two
14:32Two
14:33Three
14:34Four
14:35Come on you ripper
14:37Bang
14:39There is a rage within me Paul
14:40That is a torrent right now
14:41There is a rage within me Paul
14:42That is a torrent right now
14:46Alice and Bri you must be feeling a lot better about your attempts now
14:50Oh my god I feel so smug
15:06My marriage has gotten worse since then
15:09I mean Pax
15:11I know
15:12I mean I didn't think that you were smart but I didn't think you were that stupid
15:16I panicked I didn't think I didn't think it through
15:19I was thinking about sex and my wife
15:21It distracted me
15:23My memory is so short that I just watching that now I was like this is going so well
15:28I was like oh my god I could be the winner
15:30And I'd forgotten that I didn't get any of the toilet paper wrong
15:32That was like a live experience for me just then
15:35That was heartbreaking
15:36The good news for everybody is there's one more attempt
15:39Oh shit
15:41All he has to do is knock over the tower for a podium finish
15:44It's Jack Ansett
15:48Hi mum
15:49Is your mum going to watch this?
15:50No she hates this show
15:51Is that the no vaping sign?
16:05Where's that ball?
16:07Oh god
16:09Where did I put the ball?
16:11Have you heard on the ball?
16:16Where's the ball?
16:18Oh no
16:19I've lost the ball
16:21No!
16:22I've lost the ball!
16:23You've got five minutes
16:25This is part of it
16:26This is your little
16:27These are your little tricks
16:28You've hidden it
16:29Where would they have hidden the ball?
16:31You!
16:32Where's the ball?
16:33Hey! Hey! Hey!
16:34Where's the ball?
16:36$300!
16:37You got 93 seconds
16:3993
16:42I will reimburse this
16:44That might damage someone's drink bottle
16:46These people don't care I offer that guy $300
16:49They honestly couldn't care less
16:50You might want to get out of the way Paul
16:52Let the good times rule!
16:53Let the good times rule!
16:54You talk to the ball!
16:55I looked there!
16:56He did not, he did not
16:57Hey Jeremy what were you saying about me being not that bright?
16:59I have been thinking about this so many times
17:01I'm not going to be able to get out of the way Paul
17:02I'm not going to be able to get out of the way Paul
17:03I'm not going to be able to get out of the way Paul
17:04He did not, he did not
17:05He did not
17:06He did not
17:07Hey Jeremy what were you saying about me being not that bright?
17:08I have been thinking about this so much whether you took the ball or whether you didn't take the ball
17:15I looked everywhere I looked everywhere I looked everywhere I looked everywhere I looked in the bushes I think it's clear there's one place you didn't look
17:22Yeah
17:23I will also say Zane our crew members drink bottle cost $79.90
17:24Oh no
17:25Jack never reimbursed
17:26Jack
17:27Jack
17:28So this is pretty clear to me Jack gets zero because he didn't even roll a ball the fact that Jackie and Pax didn't knock over the tower
17:30I have been thinking about this so much whether you took the ball or whether you didn't take the ball I looked everywhere I looked in the bushes I looked everywhere I looked in the bushes I think it's clear there's one place you didn't look
17:37Yeah
17:38I will also say Zane our crew members drink bottle cost $79.90
17:43Oh
17:44No
17:45Jack never reimbursed
17:46Oh
17:47Jack
17:48So this is pretty clear to me Jack gets zero because he didn't even roll a ball the fact that Jackie and Pax didn't knock over the tower
17:57But I hit those concrete walls
17:59Well Jackie also did hit the tower
18:01Yes
18:02I nudged the tower
18:03She hit the tower but it didn't knock over so I think Pax should get one
18:06Okay
18:07I think Jackie should probably get two
18:09Okay
18:10Happy with that
18:11And then we go up a lot to Bree who should get four
18:14Yep
18:15And then I think it's fair to say that Ella should definitely get five
18:18Wow
18:19Wow
18:20That makes sense
18:22So Paul where does that leave the points for this episode so far?
18:28Out in front with nine points Alice Sneddon
18:34Let's get to the next task
18:35Let me address the elephant in the room and stop beating around the bush
18:39Once in a blue moon a task comes along that is truly not a piece of cake
18:43Will our contestants hit the ground running, pass with flying colours and end up on cloud nine?
18:47Or will they drop the ball, bark up the wrong tree, shoot themselves in the foot, throw the towel in and watch five points go up in smoke?
18:54Here it is
18:55Here it is
19:05Hey Paul
19:06Hello Alice
19:07Paul
19:08Hello Bree
19:09Oh dear this is a mess
19:11Oh no
19:12Don't get upset
19:20Hmm
19:21Okay here we go
19:22Film an origin story for your favourite idiom
19:25You have 40 minutes
19:27Your time starts now
19:30Idiom, what is an idiom?
19:31Like a saying
19:32Mmhmm
19:33Like don't go crying over spilt milk
19:35Are there any that you use a lot?
19:37Kick it in the dick
19:38Have you heard of that one?
19:39No
19:40Can you just type in like examples of idioms please?
19:43Okay
19:44Break a leg
19:45Beat around the bush
19:46Cut somebody some slack
19:48Cutting corners
19:49Just slow down
19:50Easy does it
19:51You could have said easy doesn't
19:54None of these are working for me
19:55Okay
19:56I want you to google
19:57Random idiom generator
19:59Okay
20:00Generate me a random idiom
20:01That's the one we're doing
20:02Go
20:04Flea market
20:05I was interested that
20:06Two contestants first instincts when they see spilt milk on a table was to table suck
20:18And I'm lactose intolerant
20:20Yeah
20:21Also that was PVA glue
20:24I was quite relieved
20:25I'm ready for some idiom origins Paul who is going to start us off
20:36Alice in the hand is with Sneddon the bush
20:40It's Alice Sneddon
20:42All right lads big day today okay you know we're T-minus 15 seconds away from launch here we go
20:52Certain there's a problem
20:53What?
20:54Williams
20:55Houston we have a problem
20:57Williams speak to me
20:58I'm sorry sir
20:59I'm really struggling here I just can't get my sock on
21:02Well get it on now what's wrong come on hurry up
21:05I know it sounds crazy but it's really hard like I'm not very flexible and I'm like lying on my back and I'm all strapped in
21:11We're T-minus 5 seconds
21:13It's really tough
21:15Dammit boy it's not rocket science
21:20It's true
21:27We lost them all
21:35So you lost Paul in an unfortunate incident and then your first thought was I'm going on smoko
21:44Yeah I was smoking the whole time but back in the day at NASA they encouraged that
21:48Yeah
21:49Cause smoking actually helped you fly
21:51Yeah
21:52Interesting bit for me was you had issues with your sock
21:54I couldn't get my sock on
21:55You already seemed to have a sock on
21:57Yes that is correct
21:59I mean that was mainly I just didn't want people to see my feet
22:02Yeah
22:03That was a creative difference that Paul and I had
22:05I really wanted him to get his feet out and um
22:08He declined
22:09Currently on wiki feet my feet are at a 3.5 so
22:13If you're at home if you could help get those numbers up
22:17I can think of one way mate that you would have really driven that score up
22:21Okay who's Eddie M
22:22Who are we going to see next
22:23She has an amazing birds kill to stones thrown ratio
22:27It's Jackie Van Beek
22:30Dammit
22:31Dammit
22:32Hello Barry
22:33Oh hi Cheryl
22:35Well what's this poor sod done then eh?
22:37Well you know technically nothing but you know I've just got so much frustration
22:41Cause basically I'm addicted to killing and I can't sleep unless I kill somebody
22:47I've not slept in a week
22:48But it's not fair like what if he's done nothing that's just a poor innocent bloke
22:52Yeah but you're not hearing me I can't sleep Cheryl
22:55Yeah I'm hearing you
22:56I'll tell you what
22:57I want you to stop killing people stop killing innocents and I want you to give my sack a nice big hit
23:03You want me to hit the sack?
23:04Yeah
23:05Three times that's it?
23:06How do you feel?
23:07Oh my gosh
23:08He's fallen asleep
23:09Look at this would you?
23:10I think you're going to be free
23:11I think everything's going to be okay
23:12Oh okay
23:13And that my friends is the origin story of hit the sack
23:28Thank you
23:29Thank you
23:30Very good Jackie
23:31Very good
23:32Very good
23:33Beautiful
23:34Some fascinating character development there just give us the origin stories of is it Barry and Cheryl?
23:43Yes
23:44Is that right?
23:45Yeah so Cheryl was an old wise hag that lived in the woodlands and Barry was a very aggressive executioner
23:54I felt like there was chemistry there
23:56I think so too
23:57Yeah
23:58I felt it
23:59I felt like Paul fell asleep in quite a horny way
24:01Wow
24:04I was disappointed at the end that Cheryl broke the fourth wall because how obvious did you need to make it?
24:10It's educational so of course the audience need it as I'm doing right now you know you speak to them and there's a rapport so it's like we put on a brilliant piece of cinema but we also educate
24:21It's a relationship
24:24We've got three more origin stories to go but first it's time to watch the origin stories of some excellent goods and services
24:30We'll see you after the bug
24:32Welcome back to Taskmaster the only show on television brave enough to show Paul Williams burning to death
24:51Where were we Paul?
24:53Our contestants are showing us the origin stories of idioms
24:57Up next proving that the apple doesn't fall far from the Brie
25:02It's Brie Thomas L
25:06Come on Tenzing
25:07We've done it
25:09The summit of Everest
25:11And look I just got 10,000 steps
25:13Congrats
25:14Only one thing left to do
25:19Yes Tenzing
25:21I've done it
25:22My greatest achievement ever
25:26Yes
25:28Let's go
25:29You kicked me in the dick
25:31You're right
25:32You're right Tenzing
25:33I indeed kicked it in the dick
25:36Me
25:37Sir Edmund Hillary
25:39Dick kicker
25:40Firstly I'd like to say what a beautiful tribute to the great Sir Edmund Hillary and the great Tenzing Norgay
25:51The first thing I did and I'm not joking is I got back to the room and googled whether Sir Edmund was dead or not
25:58Because I was so worried about him seeing it
26:01Did she actually kick you in the private parts? It was good acting
26:04It was a bit of movie magic
26:05Okay
26:06Yeah
26:07He shoved a pillow down his pants
26:08Oh so you committed to that
26:10Yeah
26:11Yeah
26:12It was a small pillow but there was a pillow
26:13Yeah
26:15Some pretty brave casting I'd say of Tenzing there you know
26:18I would have thought that you'd get a Nepalese actor for that
26:21I can famously do any accent
26:25And people say Paul you can't do a Japanese accent
26:28And I'm like you don't believe I'm that capable
26:33Invercargill accent go
26:35Purple
26:37Purple
26:40Bang on
26:41Yeah
26:42It's actually bang on
26:43Pretty good
26:44That was really good
26:45You nailed it
26:46Whose idiom origin story are we seeing next Paul
26:48It's raining packs and dogs
26:49It's Pax Asati
26:50Oh my favourite place in the world the Avondale markets
26:56Well well well
26:58My old nemesis
27:00You know that this used to be my table
27:02When I would deal fleas and sell fleas to people
27:05The flea industry collapsed
27:07Why would I ever want a flea?
27:08I don't know
27:09You want to make your dog thinner
27:11You cover it in fleas
27:13It'll lose a bunch of blood
27:14And it'll be a thinner sexier dog
27:16Oh okay
27:17You do?
27:18I do want my dog to be sexy
27:20I'm going to start
27:22My own market
27:23And we're going to deal
27:25In all types of
27:27Very small insects
27:29What are you going to call this thing?
27:31Hm
27:32I guess I'm just going to call it
27:34A flea market
27:37That'll make sense
27:47By 2003
27:53Okay so plenty to unpack there
27:55Can you explain the glasses?
27:57Uh not really no
27:59I found them
28:00On my way to shoot the scene
28:02And I put them on
28:03I thought they were meant to indicate
28:04That you were a flea
28:05Yeah
28:06They were meant to indicate
28:08That I was a flea
28:09Flea market is not an idiom
28:11No
28:12We're all ignoring the elephant in the room
28:14That's a good idiom
28:15You are a flea
28:16I wouldn't want to say it
28:17But I agree
28:18I agree
28:19I agree
28:20Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
28:22Oh mate
28:23I just cursed all of you
28:24Okay?
28:25And all your children
28:26It's my daughter's birthday
28:27I'm so sorry
28:28It's my daughter's 18th birthday
28:30And I am here
28:31To her
28:32I can't take it back
28:33So it is technically a noun
28:38Well you made an incredible film
28:39For the origin of a noun
28:40Yeah
28:41I reckon you'd win
28:42If it was that category
28:43Makes sense
28:44We've still got Jack to go
28:46Yes
28:47He's a jack of all trades
28:48Master of all trades
28:50It's Jack Ansett
28:54Okay Paul I've got an idea
28:55Let's go for a walk
28:56Go for a walk?
28:57Yeah
28:58You've only got 26 minutes
28:59Well hurry up come on
29:00Okay
29:01Yeah come on
29:02Let's go
29:04So do you have an idea?
29:05An idea?
29:06Yeah
29:07Yeah I've got an idea Paul
29:08Yeah
29:09Well we're just enjoying a nice walk together right now
29:13What was that?
29:14I don't know
29:15Just the kind of thing friends do
29:17Okay
29:18Take a step back Paul
29:22Woo!
29:24Wow
29:25I really think we should get back on task
29:26Get back on task?
29:27Yeah
29:28Yeah
29:29Oh
29:31Okay
29:32Yep
29:33Give in
29:34I really feel like we should get back on task
29:35Yeah okay
29:36Let's cool
29:37Sorry about that
29:38Yeah
29:39Um
29:40Um
29:41You're almost out of time to do the task
29:45Hey Paul
29:46Look at me
29:47Slow and steady
29:48Wins the race
29:50Beautiful
29:51What a twist at the end
29:52Yeah
29:53What a twist at the end
29:54What a twist
29:55Yeah
29:56Wow
29:57So what we had there was a romantic walk
29:59You played some golf
30:00You had a shirtless wrestle
30:01Yes
30:02I like that
30:03Then you had a romantic meal for two
30:04Yes, correct
30:05That's the origin of slow and steady wins the race
30:06You don't know that
30:07You don't know that
30:08So I did look up the origin and it's from a pretty famous race between a tortoise and a hare
30:12Yup
30:13Oh
30:14Don't think this was going to go this way
30:15Out of interest which way did you see it going?
30:16Everyone would applaud and standing ovation
30:18Five points to be honest with you Alice
30:19Five points to be honest with you Alice
30:20Oh
30:21I don't think this was going to go this way
30:23Out of interest which way did you see it going?
30:26Everyone would applaud and standing ovation
30:29Five points to be honest with you Alice
30:31Yeah
30:50I'm going to give one point to Pax
30:51It wasn't even an idiom
30:52Two points to you Jack
30:54But for the shirtless wrestling because I thought that was quite good
30:57I did love that
30:58Yeah
31:00because unfortunately you besmirched a national icon.
31:03Four points for Jackie.
31:04Great character development there.
31:06And Alice, that gives you five points at the end.
31:09Well deserved.
31:10Incredible.
31:11Well deserved.
31:12Wow.
31:12So now it's time for one of my favorite
31:14commonly used phrases.
31:15We'll see you after the break.
31:17Bye for now.
31:30Welcome back to Taskmaster.
31:32If you've just joined us, you are late,
31:34and I'm afraid you're going to have to stay behind after this episode
31:37and help us clean up the studio.
31:39Now, it's time for another task, Paul, I believe.
31:41It sure is, Jeremy.
31:42And this one's a whole lot of fun.
31:51Oh.
31:52Hello, Jackie.
31:53Hello.
31:54Hi, Paul.
31:55Hello, Bree.
31:56Hello, Pax.
31:57I need a fart.
31:59Done.
32:02Get this balloon through the hole and into the jar.
32:08You may not touch the balloon in any way
32:11other than popping it with the pen.
32:14You may not touch the string or the tissues in any way
32:18other than cutting the tissues with the scissors.
32:21You may not touch the whole wall.
32:23The whole wall.
32:25Oh, the whole wall.
32:26Mm-hmm.
32:27In any way.
32:28Gosh.
32:29So this is the whole wall.
32:30Yeah.
32:31I'll move.
32:32I assumed that.
32:33Fastest wins.
32:34Your time starts now.
32:36Far out.
32:37This is a bit of fun, isn't it?
32:39What's happening here?
32:40What's happening here?
32:41So it's...
32:42So it's helium?
32:43Mm-hmm.
32:44So it'll go up to the sky?
32:45If the tissues are lighter.
32:49Got it.
32:55Have you got it, Alice?
32:56There's quite a lot in this task.
32:57Yeah.
32:58It's one of the more confusing ones that we've done.
33:00Balloons.
33:01Gaps through holes.
33:02A lot going on, yeah.
33:03Yeah, tissues on the bottom.
33:04Yeah.
33:05It's also one I had no idea if it's possible.
33:08I mean, the word that really kind of springs out to me when I rewatch that is fastest.
33:14That's the word that sticks with me, just to say.
33:17That's beautiful.
33:18And does it stick with you in a positive or negative way?
33:21Incredibly positive.
33:22But just that word.
33:26Alright.
33:27Shall we see the first one?
33:28It's the three contestants who don't have Jack in their name.
33:31Brie, Alice and Pax.
33:33Who comes up with this shit, Paul?
33:35It's not shit.
33:37Come on.
33:39Is this what you wanted?
33:40Me down on all fours cutting tissue like this?
33:48I told you we needed a fire.
33:50Okay, come on.
33:51Oh!
33:52Oh!
33:55No, no!
33:56Come back to me!
34:14It's too heavy again.
34:15I know, Paul.
34:22Yes!
34:25Yes!
34:26Okay!
34:30Okay, went through the hole.
34:31I did.
34:35It's through the hole.
34:41Oh no!
34:42Oh no!
34:43What do I do now?
34:44I think the tissues got quite heavy.
34:46Yeah, no shit, Paul.
34:52No!
34:53How does science work?
34:56If I had a baby, this is what I'd sound like.
35:12Go in the jar?
35:13Is it in the jar?
35:14No!
35:15No!
35:21Is it in the jar?
35:22No.
35:23Did anyone actually get the balloon in the jar?
35:24Out of those three, no.
35:25Okay.
35:26Alice, you grabbing the jar was brilliant.
35:27Yeah, unfortunately it didn't lead to success.
35:29Yeah!
35:30Yeah.
35:31Yeah.
35:32Cause I'm actually quite afraid of...
35:35Well I don't like loud noises that catch me off guard.
35:37So...
35:38Ah!
35:39Yes!
35:40the balloon in the jar?
35:41Out of those three, no.
35:43Okay.
35:43Alice, you grabbing the jar was brilliant.
35:46Yeah, unfortunately it didn't lead to success or,
35:50because I'm actually quite afraid of,
35:51well, I don't like loud noises that catch me off guard,
35:54so, ah, I'm there, yep.
35:59She's not lying.
36:02Sorry.
36:03I mean, it was you that popped it.
36:04Yeah, I got a big fright though.
36:07Yeah, as I popped it,
36:08I think I actually moved the jar away.
36:12Whose attempt are we gonna see next, Paul?
36:13In this task, the jar is key.
36:16It's Jarkey Van Beek.
36:38Stop the clock.
36:52Maybe not the most entertaining, but certainly fastest, I would guess.
36:58Clinical, you would describe that as clinical.
37:01You know what I thought? To be entirely honest, I did think, I bet everyone else's videos are gonna be fun and entertaining and crazy and zany.
37:10Mine's, mine's gonna win.
37:12You know, I mean.
37:13Mine wasn't any of that anyway, and it's still lost.
37:15Yeah. I would trade what I did for what you did any day.
37:18Yeah. I think I've fallen in love with you.
37:22Okay, how long did that take, Jacqui?
37:23It was very fast.
37:24Uh, two minutes and eight seconds.
37:26Oh.
37:27Wow. Unbelievable.
37:28Who have we got left, Paul?
37:30Continuing his trend of always going last, it's Jack Anset.
37:36Okay.
37:41Oh.
37:44Oh my God.
37:49Wow.
37:49Is that supposed to happen?
37:51Is what supposed to happen?
37:52Is that supposed to pop?
37:53I mean, you were the one doing it.
37:55Oh, it's in the water.
37:57Oh, great.
37:58Look at that.
38:06Hawking, hold this while they come around the corner.
38:09Thanks.
38:10It's amazing how things like this just work out sometimes, though.
38:17Wow.
38:17It's off the clock.
38:19Pretty good.
38:22You're smiling.
38:24It's pretty good.
38:28You seem genuinely surprised that a helium balloon, when you cut the string, goes up to the ceiling.
38:36I was worried for a moment that you were going to lose the balloon.
38:38I genuinely thought, oh, no, he's going to, but no, but you've got it.
38:40No, no, no.
38:41Just a fight from some fate of the gods that landed in the fishbowl and voila.
38:47Wow, this is like a make a wish.
38:48Okay, so Jackie's time was two minutes and eight seconds.
38:55Incredible.
38:56Jack, one minute 49.
38:58Wow.
38:59Yeah, but still, it's not everything, is it?
39:01I'm sorry.
39:10I'm sorry, but can I just say it?
39:12Terrific.
39:14This one's not too hard to judge, to be honest, because I think there's two categories.
39:17There's the people who got the balloon in the jar, and there's the people who didn't.
39:21So, zero points for those guys.
39:24Okay.
39:24Ooh.
39:25Okay, so that's four points for Jackie, and five points for Jack.
39:29Okay.
39:30Wow.
39:31How good does that feel?
39:32You've been there, you've been there.
39:33Yeah.
39:33I've been there.
39:34It feels good.
39:35It feels good.
39:35That is the end of part four.
39:37Come back soon to see which of our comedians will win a pair of old reading glasses and some 1970s
39:44paste bowler memorabilia.
39:45The stakes could not be higher.
39:47We'll see you just after this.
39:51Welcome back to the last bit of the first F of the sixth season of Taskmaster.
40:07Now we've just got one live task to go, but before we get there, Paul, can I have a scoreboard update please?
40:14Leading the pack with 14 points, Alice Sneddon.
40:17All right, you guys, if you can please now head up to the stage for your first live task of the season.
40:30All right, Paul, who's going to read out the task?
40:32Paxasadi.
40:33Throw fish into the barrel.
40:36Most fish successfully thrown into the barrel wins.
40:39You have 30 seconds minus the number of fish you wish to throw.
40:43You may throw the same fish more than once.
40:46You must throw from the spot and must not move the spot or barrel.
40:51Okay, from the top?
40:52I can't understand anything you've just said.
40:54Yeah.
40:55I'm starting to see how you couldn't find the ball.
40:57Please pick up your blackboards.
41:02Write the amount of fish and then minus that number from 30 and that's your time.
41:06Oh, no.
41:07So 10 fish, 10 seconds.
41:09No, 10 fish, 20 seconds.
41:1010 fish would be 20 seconds.
41:12Stop! Stop it!
41:13Yeah.
41:13Stay in school, kids.
41:14Oh, shit.
41:16So if I'm going four fish, no chips.
41:19No chips?
41:19If I go four fish, no chips, how many seconds?
41:2226 seconds.
41:24On the count of three, reveal your fish.
41:26One, two, three.
41:29I love how Paul's entered angry teacher phase.
41:33We're going to throw an order of the scoreboard.
41:35Everyone except Alice, please take a seat on the bench.
41:39Alice selected 15 fish in 15 seconds.
41:43Begin.
41:4810 seconds.
41:49Yeah!
41:50Eight seconds.
41:51Yeah!
41:52Oh, no.
41:52Six seconds.
41:53Ooh.
41:54Four seconds.
41:55Oh, no!
41:57Oh, no.
42:00Alice scored two fish.
42:02Up next, Jackie Van Beek.
42:07Are you going to do a backflip?
42:08Yeah.
42:09Four fish, 26 seconds.
42:11This is her Olympics.
42:12Three, two, one, fish.
42:17Oh!
42:20I forgot she can run.
42:21No, no, no!
42:23Do I have to come back up here?
42:24You've got to throw from there, yes.
42:25Oh, I didn't know that!
42:26I didn't know that!
42:27Oh, Jackie!
42:2710 seconds.
42:31Seven, six.
42:36Don't get them, don't get them!
42:40Jackie scored zero fish.
42:41Up next, Jack Anset.
42:44Yeah.
42:44Five fish, 25 seconds.
42:46Three, two, one, fish.
42:51Oh, for f*** sake.
42:54Yay!
42:57Pop them in, pop them in!
42:58Just pop them in!
42:59Pop them in!
43:00You've got ten seconds.
43:02Thanks.
43:06Don't panic!
43:07Oh!
43:07Don't panic!
43:10Two seconds.
43:10Yeah, I killed.
43:14Nice chewing.
43:15Nice chewing.
43:16Jack scored two fish.
43:18Up next, Bree Tomasel.
43:19Go, Bree.
43:20Bree selected 15 seconds and 15 fish.
43:22Three, two, one, begin.
43:29A lot of gusto.
43:30To the left.
43:31To the left.
43:32To the right.
43:34Oh!
43:34Oh!
43:35Oh!
43:36What, man?
43:37Oh!
43:38Three seconds.
43:40Oh, yeah!
43:41Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
43:42Oh, that was great.
43:44Three scored two fish.
43:46Last up, Pax Asadi.
43:48Pax selected 15 fish in 15 seconds.
43:51Three, two, one, fish.
43:53LeBron!
43:54Oh, no!
43:55Oh, no!
43:56Kobe!
43:57Oh, no!
43:58Oh, no!
43:59Yes, Pax!
44:05Wow!
44:08What an arsehole!
44:12All right, everyone.
44:13Come on down and we'll see how that's affected the scores.
44:18All right, Paul.
44:20I am ready to find out who won the live task and who won the episode.
44:25Okay, so in terms of fish, Jackie, zero fish.
44:29Alice, Bree, and Jack, all two fish each.
44:31And the winner, with three fish, out of three throws, Pax Asadi.
44:36Incredible.
44:38You can't be stopped.
44:39One point for Jackie.
44:40Okay.
44:41Three points for Jack, Bree, and Alice.
44:44And five points for Pax.
44:45Okay.
44:46Thank you, Charles Master.
44:48Yeah.
44:49Can I get that footage of me throwing fish, by the way?
44:51It's going to go on TV.
44:52Oh, yeah, cool.
44:52Oh, right.
44:54Oh, yeah, sick, sick, sick.
44:55That means the winner of episode one, with 17 points, is Alice Sneddon.
45:03Congratulations, Alice.
45:05Please hit up to the stage and enjoy your newfound street credentials.
45:10We are already 10% through the series.
45:13But what have we learned from episode one?
45:15Well, we learned that Alice Sneddon is one better than Barack Obama.
45:19If you can't find a ball, then we haven't hidden it.
45:23Most importantly, we've learned that the winner of episode one is Alice Sneddon.
45:27We'll see you next time.
45:39Let's go.
45:47You cannot get through this without crying.
45:54Oh, g'day, guys.
45:55G'day, Paul.
45:56How's this?
45:57I miss my kids.
45:59I'm so sorry about what happened.
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