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00:00This country is at war with Germany.
00:11President Kennedy and Governor John Colony were shot today.
00:15A South Africa without a party will be a better home for all.
00:20We met all the kids from Jesus' name.
00:23Tear down this wall.
00:26The ladies, not for turning.
00:28America has its first black president.
00:32It's our good authority that can look at Daphne and its wasps.
00:36I'm Alan Partridge and this is Midmorning Matters.
00:40North, North, North, Digital.
00:47Today we're talking condiments.
00:49You're stuck on a desert island, you're allowed one condiment.
00:52Which is it to be?
00:53John in Sproston.
00:55Ketchup.
00:56Harry in Bodham.
00:57Mustard.
00:57Kev in Nodditch.
00:59Gravy.
00:59That's not a condiment, it's a hot sauce.
01:02Bistil then.
01:02That's a brand of gravy.
01:04Bronson pickle then.
01:05And that's a relish.
01:06It's eight minutes to twelve.
01:08In less than one hour.
01:10Mustard.
01:11Myself and sidekick Simon.
01:13Man the barricades.
01:14Will come face to face with one of the most beautiful women in the world.
01:18Anthea Turner.
01:20Anthea the body Turner.
01:22Oh.
01:22You like her, do you then, Alan?
01:24What man doesn't?
01:25Seriously, what man doesn't?
01:27Oh no, hardly any.
01:27Exactly.
01:28She...
01:29Stevie Wonder.
01:30Or Ray Charles.
01:34Any blind man.
01:35Yeah.
01:37She is the Ford Escort Cabriolet of middle-aged women.
01:41Sleek, petite, a little bit racy.
01:440% finance available.
01:45It doesn't even make sense.
01:48But it's still funny.
01:49It's still really funny.
01:51Which is why we booked you.
01:52Why we booked you.
01:53Power steering.
01:54By the way, please don't text in.
01:57The woman slash car thing is exclusively for myself and sidekick Simon.
02:03We're not...
02:03We're just doing that...
02:04What's that word you used?
02:05Riffing.
02:06We're riffing.
02:07We're jamming.
02:08Oh, well, riffing.
02:08Yeah.
02:09I've got to say, it's always like this, isn't it?
02:11It is, yes.
02:12We had brunch.
02:14Well, I had lunch.
02:15On Sunday.
02:16Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:17You had lunch.
02:19Because I even turned up at about half past eleven.
02:21Yeah, I know.
02:21I pitched up at about ten past twelve.
02:22Eight past twelve.
02:23I mean, rolls in like Lord...
02:26Vader.
02:28Lucan.
02:28And, um...
02:30What did you order?
02:30I had the Thai fish cakes.
02:31Yeah, that's right.
02:32No, no, no, no, don't tell me what I had.
02:34Uh, I had the...
02:38I had...
02:42I had...
02:44I had...
02:46I can't remember.
03:02You're listening to North Norfolk Digital with Alan Partridge.
03:11Oh, it's gone.
03:12You all right, Alan?
03:13Yeah.
03:14I thought I'd lost you there.
03:16Away with the fairies.
03:16There's only one fairy in here.
03:18Yeah, I'm looking right at him.
03:19Hey, you cheeky tit.
03:21This is great banter.
03:24It really is.
03:25So, anyway.
03:26There we were having lunch.
03:29Brunch.
03:29What do you call lunch and brunch when they're combined?
03:33What's that?
03:33A blunch?
03:35Is it a blunch?
03:36That's excellent.
03:45Really good.
03:47And I'd got the supplements, hadn't I?
03:49We'd spread the supplements out on the coffee table.
03:52And I think we had a bit of a tussle over the motoring section.
03:54Oh, we did a bit.
03:55We locked horns.
03:55We grappled.
03:57We did...
03:57We wrestled for them.
03:58Well, we didn't wrestle.
03:59But, um...
04:00You gave me a bag of crisps, didn't you?
04:04Yes.
04:04Cheesy, cheesy onion.
04:06Cheese and onion.
04:06Cheese and onion.
04:07Um, and I...
04:08Now, normally when I open a packet of crisps, I open them at the top.
04:11But Simon showed me a technique whereby you splice the packet down the side, lay it flat, and share the contents.
04:16Hippie style.
04:17Hippie style.
04:19Um, and I think, in all seriousness, it was at that point that I realised that, uh, here was a guy who's prepared to push the envelope.
04:28Cheers.
04:29Oh.
04:30Uh, well, so you opened an envelope.
04:31Probably do it in a very unconventional way.
04:34Hmm.
04:35Okay, I've come up with a list, a top ten list of things not to say to a customs officer.
04:40Time for travel update with Chris Gifford.
04:43Uh, Kippers.
04:44That's what I had.
04:46Traffic and travel.
04:47You're listening to North Norfolk Digital.
04:49It's time to...
04:50Focus on...
04:53Cycling.
04:53Yes.
04:54I am in the studio with Jim Jones.
05:00Hello.
05:01Now, just to clear something up, you're not the Jim Jones who led a mass suicide in the Jonestown massacre by feeding his followers poisoned broth.
05:11Of course not.
05:12Glad to hear it.
05:13Well, you'd be dead, wouldn't you?
05:14Along with your 900 followers.
05:17Do you know that's the population of a village like Hickling?
05:20It's an awful thought, isn't it?
05:21Imagine seeing the streets of Hickling littered with dead corpses.
05:24Doesn't matter thinking about it.
05:25It'd be doubly shocking because the town won best kept town in Norfolk for three years on the trot.
05:29Do you ever have dark thoughts?
05:32No, not really.
05:34Um, if you're tuning in to us without the aid of, uh, visual internet, let me fill you in.
05:41Uh, Jim is astride a static exercise cycle.
05:47Why?
05:47Well, I'm running a campaign called On Your Bike.
05:50It's about getting young kids out and on the cycle.
05:52Can you stop cycling now because the noise, I didn't realise you were going to make that noise.
05:55A bit distracting.
05:59You're listening to North Norfolk Digital.
06:03Norfolk's best mu- North Norfolk's best music mix.
06:09If you are watching the internet from a third world country,
06:13uh, perhaps you're unfamiliar with bikes,
06:15um, cycling is a form of wheeled transportation
06:18whereby the legs are used as pistons to propel the cyclist forward.
06:23Exactly.
06:24Sounds complicated.
06:25It's not.
06:26This campaign's bang on simple.
06:27Basically, we're trying to empower kids.
06:29I'm just going to interrupt you there, uh, Jim.
06:31Uh, I've just got an email and it says that in the Jonestown Massacre,
06:34it wasn't soup he made them drink,
06:36it was actually poisoned Kool-Aid.
06:39Uh, so just to reiterate,
06:41uh, the fluid administered by the Reverend Jim Jones
06:43in the Jonestown Massacre, uh, in Guyana in 1978
06:48to, uh, just under 1,000 innocent men, women and children,
06:52was, uh, pop, not broth.
06:55So that's pop, not broth.
06:58So, so this campaign's about helping kids that are a wee bit overweight shed a few points.
07:02Um, see, sadly...
07:03Ever met a child the size of an ox?
07:04Pardon?
07:05The reason I mention it is I once knew a man who was the size of an ox,
07:08but with the mind of a child.
07:10He was a very affable chap, helped me move house.
07:13Yeah, didn't like loud noises, but, uh, my goodness, he could eat.
07:16There's a very good email here.
07:17It says,
07:18Is there a case to put overweight kids in their own, inverted commas, fat schools?
07:22You could house them in dormitories, lock them in,
07:25then push pieces of riveta smothered in Philadelphia light under the doors.
07:30This way they would become educated and thin.
07:34It's a little extreme, but you can't fault his logic.
07:37This is about educating kids into being fit.
07:40It's not about funny diets.
07:42I mean, I spend time with these kids and I end up learning from them.
07:45Really?
07:45Yeah, I end up relating to them as adults.
07:48Right.
07:49You spend time alone with these children.
07:50You end up being a big kid yourself.
07:52Oh.
07:55You've been cleared to work with children.
07:57Absolutely.
07:58Yeah, likely.
08:00That's the reason why I took them on, um, I took them on a long cycle.
08:03We cycled from Lansdowne to John O'Groats, a group of 11 to 12 year olds.
08:06I was, I'm, I'm planning on doing the very same journey myself next year.
08:11You're going from Lansdowne to John O'Groats on a bicycle?
08:13No, in a Toyota Avensis.
08:16What are you sponsoring here?
08:17No one.
08:19It's just one of the great UK drives.
08:21Along with clockwise and anticlockwise around the M25 in the same day, which I did manage
08:26last year when I had a data kill.
08:27I, uh, I was, uh, dismissed from jury service.
08:31They wanted an ethnic balance and I was the fool guy.
08:34Uh, so yeah, it was just a Japanese saloon car.
08:37Uh, me and the very best of Deacon Blue.
08:40Did you enjoy yourself?
08:41Well, I'm asking the questions.
08:43Great, Alan, fine, ask away.
08:45I will.
08:45I'll ask you one in a, in a second.
08:50This is North Norfolk Digital, sustaining and maintaining our core listenership in an
08:55increasingly fragmented marketplace.
08:57North Norfolk.
09:00I just realised I read that from an internal memo.
09:02Uh, wasn't for you to hear.
09:05Sorry.
09:06Sorry.
09:07North Norfolk Digital.
09:10If you've just joined us, I'm Adam Partridge.
09:14I'm chatting with Jim Jones.
09:16Uh, not the evil one.
09:17This one's clean as a whistle.
09:19Uh, and that's all official, right?
09:20Yeah, we get checked twice a year.
09:22I should think so, too.
09:23So all the boxes ticked and, uh, you're on the register.
09:26The good one.
09:26The good one.
09:27Yeah.
09:28Great.
09:28Sorry to have to broach that, uh, subject.
09:30Um, but, uh, you know, it's an awful business.
09:33But, uh, we've had some cracking phonemes about it.
09:36But, uh, you know, it is, it is an ongoing problem.
09:39Uh, especially.
09:41Uh, round these parts, if you get my drift.
09:44What, in the radio station?
09:45No, no, no, no, no.
09:46He's gone.
09:49Hmm.
09:50Anyway, uh, Anthea Turner coming up in half an hour.
09:53Uh, I hope you didn't hear that.
09:54Um, Jim Jones, uh, in the meantime.
09:57I have a little surprise for you.
09:59It's this award for services to the larger child.
10:03It's an Al Haar, Alan's Local Hero Award.
10:07Uh, it's not engraved.
10:08Um, you do that yourself.
10:10Put what you like.
10:11Um, for those of you who, uh, don't have the webcam, it's a mock brass hand doing that.
10:18Um, so you can take that, uh, show it to the kids.
10:22Uh, actually don't.
10:24Just, uh, just take it straight home.
10:27Does it ever get on your nerves being surrounded by all those, uh, puffing, wheezing kids?
10:32Oh, well, actually, Alan, these kids are pretty active.
10:33I mean, they could cycle, uh, 10 miles, 30 minutes.
10:36I could cycle 10 miles in 30 minutes.
10:38I could, I could cycle 30 miles in 10 minutes.
10:41That'd be 180 miles an hour.
10:42All right, I couldn't do that.
10:47But I could do the easier one that you said first.
10:51Uh, 10 miles in 30 minutes?
10:52Yes.
10:53Be my guest?
10:54I will be your guest, even though technically you're my guest.
10:59Dismount, Reverend Jim Jones.
11:01This is live radio, no time like the present.
11:03Uh, I, Alan Partage, I'm going to attempt to cycle 10 miles in 30 minutes.
11:09Uh, but first, wizard.
11:15Simon, do you think, uh, Anthea Turner cycles?
11:19I don't know.
11:21I don't know, but do you think she cycles?
11:24I don't know, I've never given it any thought.
11:26Well, think about it now.
11:27Do you think she cycles?
11:28Yes, yes, I think she probably does.
11:30Yeah, I do.
11:31I think she probably rides one of those big Dutch bikes with a basket and a bell.
11:36She'd cycle along in a flimsy cotton dress with the sun and the breeze in her hair.
11:41Doing that with her hair.
11:44Enjoying herself.
11:45Enjoying herself.
11:46Just the wind in her hair.
11:48She'd just discard the bike by the side of the road on a nice spot in the field.
11:53And, uh, lay down on a tartan blanket with, uh, a copy of Grazia.
11:59A thermos flask.
12:02And a big jam sandwich.
12:04Maybe a beef paste cob.
12:07Heaven.
12:09Of course, you'd have to watch out for combine harvesters.
12:12Slice through it like a hot knife through butter.
12:15Oh, but what lovely butter.
12:17Oh, yes.
12:18Lightly salted.
12:19I can't do it anymore.
12:33I can't do it anymore.
12:33I can't do it anymore.
12:34Okay, okay, take it as you know.
12:37It's not going to be a shame.
12:38A lot of these kids are very freaked.
12:41Hang on, are you from Northern Ireland?
12:43Yeah.
12:45It's a bit better now that the troubles are over.
12:48Yeah?
12:48Of course.
12:49Yeah, good.
12:50I like the murals on the end of the houses.
12:53Pictures of very barclavas for Tommy guns.
12:56It's, uh, must be like living amongst, uh, an artist like Banksy.
13:02But, you know, back, back, lots of Banksy's.
13:05But Banksy's who want to kill people who live there, then.
13:08Alan.
13:09Yeah?
13:09It's Anthea.
13:11Oh, Christ.
13:12I wanted to have a shower before she got here.
13:15I brought my wash bag in there, especially.
13:18Some smints.
13:21Go get me a towel.
13:25Go get me a towel.
13:26Anthea, how are you?
13:27Hi, Alan.
13:28Just been cycling.
13:33Hello, you're joining me, Alan Potty, on Midmorning Matters.
13:36I'm here with my, uh, sidekick Simon.
13:38Hello, Alan.
13:39SS, as I like to call him.
13:40Z-Kyle.
13:41Z-Kyle.
13:42Sidekick Simon, sidekick Simon.
13:44Z-Kyle, Z-Kyle.
13:45Sidekick Simon, sidekick Simon.
13:47And we're asking, which band names would you like to become a reality?
13:53Line two, we have Mick.
13:55Yeah, my mum likes me to find a nice girl I settle down with and get a good job.
14:01Decent can and nice house.
14:02But she doesn't really know that I'm gay.
14:05So what I'd really like is everything but the girl.
14:08Oh, everything but the girl.
14:09No, excellent.
14:10Good.
14:10Well, thanks for that, Mick.
14:11Hope you resolve your, uh, your gender-specific issue.
14:15Sorry, what was that?
14:17Issue?
14:18Bless you.
14:19What, like I've sneezed?
14:20A tissue, yes.
14:21Shit.
14:22Uh, Simon, what you got?
14:24I have got an email from Carl who says he longs for a crowded house as his wife and kids have recently left him.
14:32Ah, that's a lovely one, that.
14:33That's nice.
14:34And I've also got a text from an Adrian H, uh, whose wife, Elizabeth, suffers from a pituitary gland problem, so he would like to see Thin Lizzy.
14:43Sure he would.
14:45Slightly pie in the sky.
14:46Yeah, probably why he'd like the pie to remain, actually.
14:49Out of harm's way.
14:50Out of, uh, out of reach of his, uh...
14:52Greedy guts wife.
14:53Yeah, well, she's not greedy, she's got a problem with pituitary gland.
14:54Pituitary gland problem, of course.
14:55Yeah, exactly.
14:56Well, it's, uh, bank holiday, which traditionally would have been you've been in a car on the way to the seaside with a, uh, a lilo, a dog full of sand, some hard-boiled weather's originals, or whatever.
15:07But these days, unfortunately, it's more likely to mean, uh, a child watching a violent computer game and pornography while shouting,
15:13I hate you, to his parents who are downstairs having a cocaine and ecstasy-fuelled orgy.
15:20That's Britain 2011.
15:22You're welcome to it.
15:23But, sorry, I'm getting a bit negative there.
15:25But to lighten the mood, uh, lighten the mood, we are having, uh, a tongue twister phone-in, where we invite, uh, little kiddies to ring in and attempt to say complex sentences with their underdeveloped mouths.
15:36So do phone in, if you're under seven, uh, with a complex sentence.
15:40Is it time for a bit of music?
15:42Uh, it is indeed, uh, time for some music.
15:44Yes, siree, there's no point yelling at that large spotted cat who's dragging the lifeless body of an apprentice zookeeper across the compound.
15:51He won't be able to hear you.
15:53He's a deaf leopard.
15:54Brilliant.
15:55Turn it up, Norfolk.
15:56North Norfolk.
15:59On line one, we have Emily.
16:01Hello, lovey.
16:02What's your tongue twister?
16:03What gets wetter the more it dries.
16:07Ooh, I'll take this one.
16:08Right, hang on.
16:09Now, that's a, that's a riddle.
16:10That's not a tongue twister.
16:11No, no good.
16:12No, we're doing, no.
16:13We're doing tongue twisters.
16:14I'm quite specific about that.
16:16You, love, we, yeah, you shouldn't have been put through.
16:18Who put you through?
16:20I don't know.
16:22Was it a woman who smokes too much?
16:24Does she sound like she, she, she had too many fags?
16:27It was a lady.
16:29Mommy.
16:29Oh, sod it.
16:30Useless.
16:31Yeah.
16:31Parents, if you're going to get your under sevens, which is specifically what this is for,
16:36who are off school today, if you're going to get them to call on the radio station, it's
16:40A, a tongue twister, not a riddle, and B, can you please make sure they are reasonably
16:46media savvy?
16:47Uh, yeah, that's, that's the only point I wanted to make.
16:52Uh, towel.
16:53What?
16:55Towel.
16:55The, um, what gets wet as it dries.
16:59Uh, oh, right, that was, uh, that was, yeah, I still think I was right to cut her off.
17:03Oh, yeah, yeah.
17:04Yeah.
17:04Okay.
17:04All right.
17:04What you have to do is you use your experience to find out where they've been, and once
17:09you've done that, you can get inside their heads and work out where they're going to be
17:12next, and you do that by taking a look at where they sleep, where they eat, where they
17:16go to the toilet.
17:17Right.
17:18Okay.
17:18If you just joined us, um, by the way, that's not, not, not, uh, some sort of stalker's blueprint,
17:23uh, although I'm sure the same logic can, uh, apply to pursuing vulnerable women.
17:27Uh, no, I'm joined by, uh, Tommy Gaskell, uh, who is, uh, survival and a naturalist.
17:34Uh, expert.
17:36Tommy, have you yourself ever been, to, to, to kind of phrase, up the creek without a paddle?
17:42Uh, yes, yes, that's what you mean.
17:44I've been in trouble in the wilderness a few times, but, uh, if you are up a creek without
17:48a paddle, then you should think laterally, because there are always paddles around you.
17:52The solution to many problems in the wilderness are in the immediate vicinity.
17:55Right.
17:55That chimes very much with me.
17:57Um, it takes me back to 74 when I was walking in the Chilterns, and that year the nettles were
18:03particularly virulent, and that's where my story begins, because I fell into some knuckles.
18:08My knees gave way after what I can only describe as a very, very long walk.
18:13I said to my colleagues, you go on without me, leave me be.
18:17They said, ape, we ain't going nowhere without you.
18:20Ape?
18:21Ape, I'll impart an abbreviation.
18:23They said, we are not going to go anywhere without you, and they're some of the most principled
18:27scouts who I have ever rambled with.
18:29So what did you do?
18:31I can spot a dock leaf from 30 feet.
18:33Well, that's great.
18:33So you used the natural flora around you as an antidote.
18:36As an antidote.
18:37They came up with some sort of balm, green balm, and rubbed it over my leg, and so my leg
18:41swelled up like a big, fat, green leg.
18:44Must have thought you looked like a Shrek.
18:45Well, that film didn't come out for another 26 years.
18:47Hulk, then.
18:48Incredible Hulk.
18:49And we found a farmhouse.
18:50Oh, sorry, Lord, the Jolly Green Giant.
18:52Do you ever find there's any kind of serenity in the wild and windy moors?
18:56Well, in the wilderness in general, that's a very good point you make.
18:59I find that I get great comfort from the strength of nature, especially it's quite weird how
19:06it can bring you comfort in even the most adverse conditions.
19:09There was a particularly nasty incident once.
19:11I was in Afghanistan with my men hanging off a cliff face in dense, freezing fog, waiting
19:16for this fog to disperse for about three hours.
19:19And, um, I felt incredibly at peace.
19:22That's what nature can do for me, I think.
19:24Yeah.
19:24So, we, why, so you were in Afghanistan, was that on holiday with some mates, or you actually...
19:30No, I was in the forces.
19:31Yeah, of course.
19:32I mean, that makes more sense.
19:34Um, which force?
19:35Parcel force?
19:35Yeah, I have some respect.
19:36You mean special forces.
19:38I'm correct, right?
19:39Uh, yeah.
19:39Yeah, OK.
19:40You must have some very interesting stories about clearing insurgent talibans from the caves
19:46of Torda Borda.
19:47Well, with respect, I'm, I'm just here to talk about, uh, survival in the outdoors.
19:51I'd rather not go into counterinsurgency techniques or classified operations of any kind.
19:56And specifically not about the Torda Borda caves.
19:59OK, all right.
19:59I'm just very interested to hear about, uh, hand-to-hand combat, which I am told took place.
20:05Um, pretty ugly stuff, but I know sometimes it...
20:08I can't.
20:08But, OK.
20:09Well, let's, let's talk hypothetically.
20:11Um, didn't say, the caves don't necessarily have to be Torda Borda.
20:14So, where are they, then?
20:16Cheddar Gorge.
20:17Um, they are outside Wookiee Hole.
20:22That's where the cell is based.
20:23Somerset?
20:25Somerset.
20:25The tea shop outside the paper mill at the foot of Wookiee Hole.
20:29Uh, which they're not at the back of their hand.
20:31The SAS have to use a tea towel map to find their way round.
20:34So the Taliban have come over to Cheddar Gorge?
20:36Not necessarily the Taliban.
20:37Could be a radicalised home-grown terrorist cell.
20:40Like?
20:41The RSPB.
20:43I'm pretty sure that the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds is non-violent.
20:47At the moment they're not violent, but what if we kicked it up a notch?
20:51Let's paint a scenario.
20:52The last osprey in Britain is killed by a football.
20:58The last osprey egg is stolen and scrambled for a Russian oligarch's breakfast,
21:03who eats it without one iota of remorse in his leather jacket,
21:08simply wipes his lips and says,
21:10Simples.
21:11Where are you going with this?
21:13Bear with me.
21:15So rare birds' eggs are being scrambled for Russian oligarchs,
21:20and Bill Oddie goes apeshit.
21:23He shows up at Claridge's wearing his twitches jerking,
21:26and the pockets are full of every conceivable explosive.
21:29I've got the picture.
21:30He walks in to the buffet area, the breakfast buffet.
21:37People turn round.
21:38They say, isn't that the man from Springwatch?
21:40Someone else says, wasn't he once one of the goodies?
21:43Yeah, not anymore.
21:44Now he's a baddie.
21:46Seconds later, carnage.
21:49Oddie is like a bearded Catherine wheel scything through the crowd.
21:54Ironically, the oligarchs wearing the leather jackets are protected from the worst of the blast,
21:57but an innocent couple from the northeast, on a city break, are vaporised.
22:03Sorry, are you asking me a specific question?
22:07Yes.
22:07And that question is, if an RSPB neo-fundamentalist was radicalised,
22:19Oddie sacrificed himself, the rest of them holed up in Wookiee Hole,
22:24and I was sent to neutralise the threat, how would I proceed?
22:28Simples.
22:30You really want to know?
22:31Yeah, let's hear it.
22:32Hand-tang combat, commando style.
22:34Do you mind if I stand up?
22:36No, please.
22:37Take the floor.
22:38Take the floor.
22:38The floor is yours.
22:39You have the floor.
22:42So, in Special Forces, we're given a licence to use bespoke techniques,
22:47supervised weaponry, that sort of thing.
22:49My favourite for hand-to-hand combat is this brass knuckle, which I've adapted.
22:54I've stuck a protruding blade on one side, very sharp.
22:57What I would do is, when I'd attack the first insurgent, punch him full in the face as hard
23:03as I could until I felt a splinter of bone, that his nose was truly shattered, and then
23:08as he's toppling backwards, grab hold of him with your right hand and bring my hand back
23:13with a blade like an arc across his throat, severing one or preferably both of the carotid arteries.
23:21You've got to be careful here because you've got to avoid the squirt of the jets of blood
23:25because, you know, you don't want to be blinded moving on to the next fella.
23:28It's quite weird, this, actually, because if you get it right, the neck opens up, completely yawns back
23:37like a Muppet's mouth.
23:39Oh, my God.
23:41So, then you let them drop, take care not to trip over them.
23:45I've seen that happen.
23:46And then you repeat and adapt, you repeat and adapt, you repeat and adapt,
23:52you repeat and adapt, you repeat and adapt, until the cave is clear.
24:00It's very bloody, but it's quick and it's quiet, and that's why I like it.
24:13Any questions?
24:17No.
24:19Yeah, um...
24:20Uh, which Muppet?
24:24Well, uh...
24:25You rejoin us on Mid-Morning Matters.
24:28Tommy Gaskell, survival expert, still with us.
24:31And on Lie 2, we have Sophie.
24:33Sophie, what's your tongue twister?
24:35Did that hand hurt the Muppets?
24:38No, love, he didn't hurt any Muppets.
24:39He simply dispatched, um, some, uh, terrorists
24:43from a radicalised RSPB in, in Wookiee Hole.
24:47Uh, it was simply that when he slit the throats of the bad people,
24:51they resembled the mouths of Muppets.
24:55I hope that answers you.
24:57Did they get better?
24:58Did they get better?
25:00We cleared the cave.
25:01No.
25:02No, no-one survived, Sophie.
25:04He cleared the cave.
25:05And when the man hurt the other men, did the man feel bad?
25:10Did you feel bad?
25:11It's my job.
25:12No, he didn't feel bad, Sophie.
25:15Did the man get into trouble?
25:18No, because it, this, no, because the government allows him to kill people.
25:22Sometimes, when the government's exhausted diplomatic means,
25:25they allow state-sanctioned killing.
25:29Hmm?
25:29Sometimes you have to, to, when you grow up,
25:31you'll realise that sometimes you have to,
25:33to tackle tough Taliban terrorists
25:36to topple totalitarian tyrants.
25:38That was a bit of a tongue twister, wasn't it?
25:40Is Bill Oddie dead?
25:42No, Bill Oddie's alive and well, Sophie.
25:45Well, he's alive.
25:47All right, cheerio, Sophie.
25:49Thanks very much, Tommy, for being on the show.
25:51Uh, fascinating stuff.
25:52Loved your, uh, your wise words.
25:54Uh, interestingly, Tommy's the first person we've had on North Norfolk Digital
25:57who's, uh, killed someone, uh, deliberately.
26:01Um, we all know, of course, of, uh, Simon Pickering
26:03from travel who reversed over a nurse,
26:05uh, which was an accident, uh, so he says.
26:07Uh, this is the Simon Park Orchestra
26:10with eye level, otherwise known as the theme from Van der Voorg.
26:13Uh, this is the masculinist thing.
26:16Uh, this is the COVID-19 isn't the only one that is in the Atlantic Yum rise.
26:25Uh, this is the number one that takes place.
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