00:02dear johnjansen at gmail.com we've got marriage advice backing out of a camping trip and an issue
00:09with weight oh should be fun start you off dear john my mother-in-law who lives with us keeps
00:15criticizing me for working too much now my mother-in-law is also telling me i am too strict
00:21with my daughter who just started high school because i want her to start earning privileges
00:25instead of getting everything she asks for am i wrong for saying she can't complain that i work
00:31too much and criticize me for trying to teach our daughter that money and privileges have to be
00:35earned my wife refuses to tell me if i'm right or wrong am i being crazy or am i right
00:40uh no so first
00:42of all working too much is she living there rent free you're welcome right okay and and like that
00:50first of all you work too much you're not around enough what is she around for like maybe she's
00:58around to help with child care maybe she's around to help with now i don't particularly think unless
01:03she's asked she should be raising his kids um and in regards to you know how he wants to you
01:12know
01:13how he wants to you know coach them parent them do whatever it is about what the value of things
01:22are
01:22like that's his prerogative it is his daughter right and if if he says if he asks her the question
01:29like okay do you think that we're going about this the right way then give your opinion right
01:37without that keep your trap shut like you are you're here by because i don't know what your
01:44situation maybe you're old and maybe you're you know you can't get around whatever it is like
01:49you're welcome but i don't need your advice in this area it's not your responsibility it's mine
01:56and it's also your daughter's yeah it's a tough situation i love my mother-in-law i can't imagine
02:02living with her or my mom i can't imagine living with a parent and this would be i would want
02:08my
02:08wife to back me up i don't think he's in the wrong i think he is correct i think everything
02:12he's doing
02:13sounds like he is a responsible father however i would want my wife because it's her mom to kind of
02:19like hey back me up a little bit talk to your mom because getting it could cause some tension in
02:25the
02:25household because if i say something to your mom now it's all of a sudden it may be a bigger
02:30issue than
02:31if you say something to your mom i don't have the same relationship the same history with her as
02:36you do yes here's how i read this if the wife refuses to pick a side she may agree with
02:41the mom
02:42okay well then have a conversation with your wife yeah yeah you got to sort this out if she thinks
02:47you're working too much she's just you know nodding along with the mother-in-law because she secretly
02:52agrees you need to have that conversation right and and what comes out in that conversation is are you
02:57working because you don't want to be here are you addicted to work are those the things or
03:01are you working because the rest of us keep spending right right and then the other part
03:07is how you actually want to parent your child yeah uh mother and father got to get on the same
03:10page
03:11there right yeah next one backing out of camping trip dear john me and my friends really enjoy the
03:16outdoors and for labor day weekend we were planning a trip where we rent a cabin and go camping for
03:21a
03:21guy's trip i say guy's trip because it was originally just going to be us but all my friends have
03:26girlfriends i do not and they invited them anyway this changed the trip in three big ways first
03:32room arrangements changed there were three rooms and a couch and we decided whoever paid the reduced
03:37share would be on the couch but now that they all have their girls i'm sleeping on the couch this
03:44pissed
03:44me off but i was okay with it second very limited drinking allowed because one of the friends
03:49girlfriends thinks he drinks too much and promised he wouldn't as much on this trip what set me over
03:56the edge was total itinerary change more campsites touristy stuff the women don't like hunting and
04:02fishing that was the whole point so two days before we left i told them i'm out i feel bad
04:08because they're
04:09my friends and i did want to see them but i have no desire to hang out with their girlfriends
04:13it's
04:13frustrating they can't take three days away are you with me i'm i'm 100 with you if you're organizing
04:20a trip for girlfriends and like i i would anticipate that it's going to completely change not to even be
04:28a camping trip but uh you know eventually it's going to morph into well let's stay in a hotel
04:32let's go to the heated mattress let's go to this city good versus let's go and enjoy the outdoors
04:39no you don't have any problem with i should you should have any problem with backing out it's a
04:43different trip yeah um at that point
04:49you could go on a trip with you know find yourself some new friends um probably not the the the
04:56top
04:56answer that you're looking for but it's you've got to have a conversation with your buddies and say
05:02this is what we do it's it's three days out of the entire year you telling me you can't be
05:07apart
05:07from your you know partner for three days right did it say how old these guys are it didn't i'm
05:13just
05:13curious i mean if they're if they all have girlfriends i would tend to think they're 20s
05:18younger oh yeah i mean i would imagine i pictured 20s and they're like yeah young and in love can't
05:25be
05:25apart yeah but for a weekend i mean come on i'm with you i think it's silly there's no need
05:32to have
05:33a girlfriend life does change as you get older and if you know if you're in your mid 30s your
05:3940s and
05:40you know maybe somebody's married like okay the equation does start to change but i would think at
05:45some point you would still be able to have a three-day weekend without the girls i agree
05:54yeah i don't think there's anything wrong the trip changed you don't have to go yeah okay
05:57overweight dear john i live with my girlfriend of two years along with my dog dash a black lab
06:03i've had years before i met her she really likes my dog too maybe too much she's always giving him
06:09extra treats and the leftovers from meals and he's overweight oh boy oh boy i've told her to stop
06:15but she's soft and uh she won't say no how do i handle it well you always like a girlfriend
06:22that won't
06:22say no i might have read that wrong but uh i mean let's no yeah she won't say no to
06:29the dog yes yes
06:30um that's a tough one because dogs love to beg and they got those pouty eyes and they got that
06:40just
06:40you know okay here's a treat you do have to have that conversation like hey you know my dog is
06:47fat
06:48like and especially if you like do you use like is your dog just a dog or is it a
06:56hunting dog
06:57because you don't want your dog out there having a heart attack when you're trying to run it around
07:01pheasant hunting well is it becoming like a health issue like is this dog gonna right yeah hey you know
07:05maybe a little less treats and it'll take the vet bill down a little bit right um how about go
07:12go for
07:12walks with the dog instead of feeding him extra food i think there's there's a happy medium like
07:17it if your dog's just a stay at home dog it sounds so weird to say a trad dog uh
07:26yeah
07:29like a trad wife trad dog yeah um then some treats aren't you know aren't going to be that bad
07:38but
07:38if it is something that continues to bother you then you have to have that conversation
07:41your girlfriend if you can't have a conversation about the dog just say stop giving him treats
07:46yeah and she should stop giving oh she'll sneak it yeah that's the issue yeah because you want
07:52the dog to like you just have a conversation there's so many of these these dear johns that if you
07:58just
07:59have an adult conversation instead we get to have the conversation for them but but okay let's take
08:05this a step further where you know it maybe you have kids at some point and how are you going
08:12to
08:12raise the kids what are they eating all of those things you know because kids you you and i both
08:16know right kids are gonna look at you like you know and teddy's thing is i'm so hot my emily
08:21says
08:22that too i'm like girl you're so hot right yeah which means he goes by the freezer and wants ice
08:28cream
08:30maybe that's what she's trying to tell me give me a popsicle mom give me a popsicle right
08:36so then it's treats for the kids like have the conversation about the damn dog and whether it's
08:41dog or the kids are going to find the path of least resistance mom lets me get away with it
08:45her dad
08:45lets me get away with it right they figure that out fast oh yeah all right send them in
08:50dear john jansen at gmail.com it's dear john 97 one
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