00:00Send them in dear John Jansen at gmail.com your questions John's answers
00:05today. It's a question about long distance dating. Okay, kids TV and
00:13failed marriage. Oh boy. Hmm start with long distance dear John. I met a girl
00:18online and we both like each other a lot. We've had two dates and I'm meeting
00:22her family next week, which speaks volumes. Wait, wait, wait, before we get
00:27about too much further. You've met online and have never met in person.
00:31Let's just two dates. I'm assuming. Okay, so two days and you're already
00:34meeting family. Wow. Yeah, the only challenge is we live over two hours
00:37apart Metro Detroit and Northern Indiana. The potential relationship is new
00:41territory for new territory for me and I want to make it work. My question is
00:45twofold. What advice do you have for long distance relationships and do I get
00:50creative or keep it simple if I ask her to be my girlfriend in the near future.
00:54P.S. She owns a cheese head hat and even though she isn't a football fan, she
00:59knows I want to burn it. How do I get her to get rid of it? Well, let's tackle
01:04the long distance relationship first. The two hours really isn't that big a deal.
01:11No, I mean, okay. A lot of road time. I think the bigger question is and this is
01:16for you just to think about if this goes further and you want this eventually to
01:22be a relationship, maybe you propose to her. Is she going to be willing to move
01:27two hours north or are you going to have to move to Indiana?
01:32I mean, nothing wrong with Indiana. It's certainly not Ohio.
01:36And so that's just something to think about as this relationship progresses.
01:40In terms of creativity, depending on your job, can you work remotely at all? Are you able
01:51to work and maybe spend the weekend down there and have maybe a Friday and a Monday that you
01:58can work remotely? If you don't, maybe she can. That's become a better option. And I think
02:06in terms of creativity, maybe you, hey, FaceTime is always there. Depends how creative you want to
02:13get. Oh, yeah. I would suggest not sending pictures. Okay, then. Didn't you reference that
02:22about 10 minutes ago? No, no. That was a solo performance. Apparently referenced. This is more
02:34a team activity. A team activity, yes. Heather? Two hours to me is really not that big of a deal.
02:40Especially if it's drivable. You're not obviously going to be with that person every single day. So
02:45I do think it's important to make sure you have plans for the weekend. If that's how you're going
02:48to see each other every weekend, you're going to drive down or she's going to drive up or you're
02:52going to meet somewhere in the middle. Make sure you have those plans so you have something to look
02:55forward to, to see them. Have meaningful conversations when you do have those conversations.
03:00I think make sure you are speaking on the phone or FaceTiming every single day. Yeah. Instead of
03:05just like little texts. I think that's important. Asking her to be your girlfriend. I wonder,
03:11I think that's kind of weird. I was going to say, how old are you? I don't think I've ever
03:16had
03:16somebody be like, will you be my girlfriend? Yeah. Check the box, yes or no, pass her a note.
03:20I think that just kind of happens organically and you talk about maybe that. We're not going to see
03:25other people. Yeah, that's the conversation. That's the conversation. So I wouldn't get creative
03:30about how you ask her to be your girlfriend because I think that should just kind of happen
03:34organically with your conversations and planning your future. And there's got to be some give and
03:38take. It can't always be you traveling down there because that's going to wear you out. It has to be
03:43her being able to come up to where you live as well. And because Lisa and I did this at
03:47the beginning
03:47of our relationship. I was going to ask, have either of you done long distance? Yeah, she lived
03:51in, she wasn't drivable. It was, she lived in Austin, Texas. And so it was a flight versus,
03:56that's why I say two hour drive. Like, Hey, you can hop in the car anytime you want to miss
03:59you.
03:59Okay. I'll see you in two hours. Um, and yeah, we would, because of the time change a little bit
04:07in her profession and mine, it was more texting in the morning and we would, you know, talk later in
04:13the day. I'd call her at lunch. I would call her after work at night, you know, and, and you'd
04:18do
04:18something like that. And how often did you get to see her? Um, not every weekend. Cause that was
04:26just way too much travel. But, uh, like during football season, it became a little bit easier
04:31because we would meet wherever Michigan was playing or she would come up for games and it,
04:37maybe it was every other week or weekend. I wasn't able to travel at that time, but that's
04:43when she would come up. Then the off season would happen. I would travel to her. Nice. All right.
04:48The next one, kids TV, dear John, I've got a four-year-old at home and wanted to know, um,
04:53are there any kids shows that you can stand to have on in the background? I can only do so
04:58much
04:58bluey and paw patrol. So the one thing I have found with Teddy is there a lot of the Disney
05:06animation ones like Shrek. And I don't even know if Shrek is a Disney movie. I can't remember.
05:11Um, but they have adult humor in them and the kids just don't get it. And so there are some
05:18of
05:18those that I watch, but you, you eventually need to transition to actual movies that you can watch
05:26like, um, Sandlot. That's a great one. Um, I, I, I enjoy watching that one. That's it's a,
05:31it's a human movie, not an animated one. So is Teddy into the human movies yet?
05:36Yeah. Indiana Jones. He loves those. Oh yeah. Last crusade is one of his favorite ones. He'll
05:41watch star Wars, um, you know, Jurassic park where you have action and adventure, but you
05:48don't have the bad language. Cause my kids four and two aren't really into the human movies yet.
05:55They still like the animated cartoons. We do more movie watching in our house than shows,
06:00but when we do watch a show, I always kind of pick old school shows. Like I like the old
06:07school
06:07cartoons, like Scooby doo or, um, like the really old Brooks loves trains and cars. We watch the old
06:14Thomas and friends, like with George Carlin as the narrator. Yeah. I like those old school. And so we do
06:20like busy town mysteries and the kids like them and they're not this like flashy bright colors and
06:26that looks like computer generated. I like those better. Um, about the toy story movies.
06:31I love the toy story movies. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. It works for adults. Yeah. Batman, um, is a great
06:36one. If you're transitioning to Spider-Man, um, those are great. I haven't gotten into those yet.
06:40Oh man. Well, I think it's because Emily chooses the movies cause she's the older one and she gets
06:44her choice. But here's, here's the difference for, for me is, is having the older kids there as
06:49well. So they want to watch some of those movies. They're still some of their favorites from
06:52when they were kids. And now Teddy has gravitated to those watching with them. Yep. Last one failed
06:59marriage. Dear John, for the past six to eight months, my wife and I have been getting along
07:05about as well as two cats in a sack. We bicker about almost everything. We have an 18 month
07:11old granddaughter and our daughter is living with us. I've suggested we see a counselor or
07:16talk to our church, our church pastor. She says, maybe you should talk to a counselor.
07:21There's no infidelity. We just don't get along anymore. I'm sorry. Maybe you should talk
07:26to a counselor and quote, he adds, there's been no infidelity. We just don't get along
07:30anymore. Yes. My wife is smoking hot and the love of my life. Any advice is appreciated.
07:35Thank you. Well, I'm guessing this is a 20, 30, 40 year marriage because you have a kid
07:43and a grandkid. Maybe it's time for the kid and grandkid to move out and it might solve
07:50some of the anxiety and pressure in the house and find some hobbies that you can do by yourself,
07:57that you could, that your wife can do by yourself. Do anything that you possibly can. Divorce
08:02to me is always the absolute last resort. And so if you've invested this amount of time in
08:09your life, I understand you don't want to waste the rest of it, but it's, yeah, see
08:15a counselor, create some hobbies for yourself, create some separation so that when you are
08:21together, you have new things to talk about and share, even though you've been together
08:2530 or 40 years.
08:28Maybe schedule a weekend getaway or a trip together. Try to reconnect also.
08:33And can you tie it into something that you guys used to do earlier in the relationship
08:37when you were at your best? Yeah. When the good times were happening. That's dear John.
08:43Get a little freaky. Why not? If it saves the marriage, got to try it all. That is dear
08:53John with expert advice like that. Send them in every Thursday. 97 one.
08:58Yeah.
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