00:00John, the people need advice with surgery, the birds and the bees, and making a tough choice.
00:07Okay.
00:07We'll start with surgery.
00:10Dear John, Jim, Heather, and Gov.
00:13Yeah, Gov, you're being roped into this, but apparently not Greg.
00:16Sorry, Greg, you don't get to weigh in.
00:19Dear guys and Heather, my mom broke her ankle a few months ago and was told by the doctor that
00:24she needs to have surgery.
00:26She keeps saying she wants to get a second opinion, but just hasn't done it.
00:30My wife and I are trying to convince her to get the surgery sooner so she can start the recovery
00:35process, which is a long road.
00:37My wife and I are also expecting our first child.
00:40Congratulations.
00:41Daughter in February of 2027.
00:42We want my mom to be able to play an active role with her first grandchild, which we hope would
00:47be a huge motivator to get the surgery.
00:49However, she just keeps putting it off.
00:51Is it worth it for my wife and I to continue to motivate her, or do we let her figure
00:55it out and live with the consequences?
00:57I mean, yeah, you continue to motivate her, but what did the doctor say in regards to like, what's the
01:01benefit of the surgery?
01:02You should have surgery.
01:04If you don't, you're still going to be mobile, but maybe you don't have full range of motion on your
01:10ankle.
01:11Or like, what is the either or scenario?
01:14I would encourage her, if you're not going to get the surgery right now, sometimes if you wait long enough,
01:21the surgery isn't going to be, it's not possible anymore.
01:24It's off the table.
01:25So get your second opinion.
01:28And then that's what I would encourage your mom to do.
01:32Go get the second opinion.
01:33You have to go do this.
01:35You can't just keep putting it off because at some point, as things heal, the surgery will be ineffective.
01:42And so if you're going to get it fixed, you've got to get that second opinion and then make your
01:46choice off of what both of them say.
01:47You've got to make a decision.
01:48How pushy do you want to be?
01:50And if you're going to be pushy, then make the appointment with her.
01:53Drive her to the appointment.
01:55Get her to the second opinion.
01:56But if your belief is like, this is ultimately her choice, then just let her live with it.
02:01It is ultimately her choice, right?
02:03And surgery is a big deal, but I think you definitely keep motivating her.
02:07And there's ways you can do it without being overly pushy.
02:10And you just keep letting her know, like, hey, we want you to feel as good as you can, right?
02:14Yeah.
02:14For as long as you can.
02:15And we've got this daughter on the way.
02:18And I don't think there's anything wrong with being like, hey, I found a great doctor.
02:22Would you want me to come with you to this appointment?
02:25I would love to come with you and hear what he has to say.
02:27And keep doing that.
02:29Yeah.
02:30But she does have to make the decision herself.
02:31I still just want to know, like, what is, if you don't have the surgery, what are the ramifications of
02:35not having the surgery?
02:36Are you not able to walk?
02:38Maybe that's the key.
02:39She says she wants to get a second opinion.
02:41If she actually does, then that's your way to help her.
02:45But if she's just saying it and doesn't want it, then just respect it and let her live with the
02:49consequences.
02:50All right.
02:51The birds and the bees.
02:53Dear Mr. Jansen.
02:55Oh, yes.
02:56I am a longtime listener.
02:57And over the years, I've heard you say that you have daughters.
03:00So I need your expert advice on this.
03:02I'm a single dad with boy-girl twins who are now 13 years old.
03:06And I've realized it's time to have the birds and the bees talk with them.
03:10My wife passed away three years ago.
03:12So it's completely on me.
03:14My son thinks he already knows everything.
03:15Well, my daughter is equally as embarrassed to talk about puberty, relationships and sex because I'm the dad.
03:20And I admit it is kind of uncomfortable to talk about that with my daughter more than my son.
03:25How do I navigate this tricky situation?
03:28Because I'm freaking out about how to approach this.
03:30So there's a couple of ways you could do it.
03:33And I hope my daughters aren't listening because they will get icked.
03:38I had to have those conversations with them.
03:42And so what's the consequences if you don't have those conversations?
03:47She's going to explore things on her own or ask questions to other people where you don't know what type
03:55of information she is getting.
03:56I would 100% say have the conversation.
04:00It will be uncomfortable, but ultimately your daughter will respect you for having a very tough adult conversation.
04:08The other option, are there other women in your life that you trust?
04:12Is your mom still alive?
04:14That could be somebody that could have that type of conversation.
04:17Do you have a sister?
04:19Do you have somebody in your life?
04:21Or do you have a best friend that is a dude, but they have a relationship with your daughter?
04:31Not your best friend, but his wife, possibly.
04:33Do they have a close relationship with your daughter?
04:37And a lot of times when a wife passes away, there are other women that will step in to help
04:46raise your daughter
04:49because they know they don't have a woman's influence in regards to how are you dressing, what clothes are you
04:55wearing, how are they fitting, all of those different things.
04:58And so is there somebody else like that in your life that would be comfortable having a girl-to-girl
05:04conversation?
05:05So you have some options.
05:07And if you're just that uncomfortable with that conversation, then you need to find somebody else that you trust to
05:15have that conversation.
05:16I mean, I agree with everything you said.
05:18I think my instant thought was, yeah, find that close female relative that could maybe, maybe she would be more
05:24comfortable talking to another female.
05:26Or even if you don't have the relative, maybe there's a school counselor or the sex ed teacher at school
05:32even.
05:32I know.
05:33I'm not going that route.
05:34You don't?
05:34No, no, because things get weird when you're talking about schools these days.
05:39So no, I don't want any type of influence outside of.
05:42I think she needs to know there is somebody she can go to if she has questions.
05:46And it has to be somebody you trust, too.
05:48Right.
05:48But you always want that person to be you.
05:50As I say, ideally, it's you.
05:51So isn't it this easy?
05:52It is, but it is awkward for a girl to go up to her dad and say, guess what?
05:55I want to be in birth control or something like that.
05:58Like, that's weird.
05:59But it's on the dad to open that door.
06:01And that's kind of, look, it's easy for me to say it's not something I'm dealing with.
06:04But you're going to have to suck it up and have an uncomfortable conversation.
06:06It's probably going to be awkward for her, too.
06:08Maybe you acknowledge how awkward this is going to be.
06:11Yeah, and you keep it casual.
06:13I think, like, I don't want to be like, come here, sit down, sweetie.
06:16Like, we're staring at each other on the couch.
06:18Like, maybe do it while you're, you know, doing the dishes or you're taking a walk around
06:23the neighborhood.
06:23You're taking a drive to practice or I'm coming home from practice or school or whatever.
06:27And not to school because you don't want to start the day off awkward.
06:29And also, like, don't ask personal questions, I don't think.
06:32Like, just, I mean.
06:34Like what?
06:35Are you having sex?
06:36Uh, no, no, no, sure.
06:39Or, like, more.
06:40He also talked about puberty, relationship.
06:43I don't know.
06:43I wouldn't want my dad asking me questions about specific things about me.
06:47Like, just tell me the facts.
06:48Tell me what needs to be known and move on.
06:52John, you said practice.
06:53It's on the way home from practice.
06:54Not on the way to.
06:55They're going to get injured if it's on the way to.
06:58Completely not paying attention.
06:59Daydreaming.
07:00I mean, here comes the baseball.
07:02Well, hopefully he'll present it in a way where they're daydreaming at that point.
07:05Oh, oh boy.
07:07All right.
07:07This last one.
07:07We had to make sure we got to this.
07:09Dear John.
07:10This one's a doozy.
07:12Dear John, I'm 32 years old and I'm dating a few women.
07:15None of the relationships have become exclusive.
07:18But I just found out that two of the women are related.
07:22Oh.
07:23One is 24 years old.
07:24Total smoke show.
07:25Just graduated college.
07:26Has a job and I find it very attractive.
07:28She's independent with career goals.
07:30The other is 40 years old.
07:32Never been married.
07:33She got pregnant in high school and I never attended college.
07:36She's fun and very independent as well.
07:39But I found out she's the mom of the 24 year old.
07:43Oh boy.
07:44Neither of them has any idea they're dating the same guy.
07:47Now that I know, should I tell them and be upfront and honest?
07:50Or do I see where the relationships go and let it sort itself out?
07:55Well, I think either way you go at some point, you're going to be SOL out of both.
08:03So I think you just see where it goes.
08:08And with the idea that it's not going anywhere eventually.
08:12You think it's dead on arrival once they figure out.
08:14Oh, once they figure out.
08:15Yeah.
08:16Mom and daughter are dating the same guy.
08:19And by the way, the age, he's right in the middle.
08:21So you can't just say pick the one you're closer in age to.
08:24Right.
08:25So like, okay, if you say, you know what?
08:26I'm not going to date.
08:28I don't know.
08:29Just to pick what mom anymore.
08:30I mean, you know, how many people have visited that site?
08:34If she was pregnant at 16.
08:37Oh boy.
08:38So, I mean, that's something to consider.
08:42But in terms of the, you know, if you just say, okay, I'm not going to answer these calls
08:46anymore.
08:47I'm going to let her down easy and just say, hey, you know, sorry, we're not a match.
08:51But then you start dating the daughter.
08:53At some point, she's going to share a picture with her mom.
08:55And the mom's going to say, hold on a second.
08:58I was dating that guy.
09:00And now you're with them.
09:02They're going to do a timeline.
09:03Wait.
09:03Yeah.
09:05And so I think it's just a, you know, see where it goes.
09:09Let it play out.
09:10Yeah.
09:11Yeah.
09:12Dude, you got to end things with both of them.
09:15Why?
09:16Okay.
09:17For exactly what you just said.
09:18Let's say, okay, call it off with mom.
09:19You're going to date the daughter.
09:21Then, you know, maybe things go really well.
09:24And then you go to a family barbecue and there's mom.
09:27It's just awkward.
09:28It's weird.
09:30It's just no.
09:31It's a weird no.
09:32Or you could just be in it for a good time.
09:35I guess.
09:37Also, I just think that.
09:38At that point, you just keep dating both.
09:40No.
09:41Eventually, they.
09:42No.
09:44They find out.
09:45John's just here for a good time times two.
09:47And he figures out.
09:49Well, if no one's going to say it.
09:50Then you have a comparable.
09:51Here's the other option.
09:53You find out how open-minded they are.
09:55This sounds like some sort of.
09:56Oh, stop it.
09:57Of course you would say that.
10:00You would think I would.
10:01People are thinking it.
10:02I'm just going to say it.
10:04I wasn't thinking it.
10:06What'd you learn from mom?
10:07It's awful.
10:08Did she have that conversation?
10:09How close are they?
10:11Stop.
10:12That's dear John.
10:13That's why you email for John, not me.
10:15That's 97.1.
10:16That's not what you're doing.
10:16That's not what you're doing.
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