00:01send them in dear john jansen at gmail.com people need help i'm here to provide it that's right
00:08okay your questions they center around being demoted at work two friends fighting over a girl
00:13and a wife who doesn't want to move okay we start with demoted at work dear john they're calling it
00:20a promotion but i was recently elevated to a role where i don't have decision making power anymore
00:25it feels like i'm being phased out do i stay and collect a paycheck or leave to go somewhere i'm
00:30actually wanted and it all depends on what you want for the rest of your career do you want to
00:40just collect a paycheck have you accomplished enough in your life where you say well you know what i'm
00:47i'm okay with collecting that paycheck i'm at where i want to be so i'll show up and kiss
00:54babies and shake hands and wave and be celebrated at certain times but uh for the rest of the time
01:01yeah he's in a retirement or do you feel like hey that last opportunity just it's not how you want
01:09to go out and you want to go and accomplish more if that's the case then hey go for it
01:15sounds like
01:15they want you to leave and it might be best for you to leave yeah it could be scratch the
01:20itch
01:21try to end on better terms yeah did the promotion come with a big raise probably not probably not
01:27no it's probably less money well then it's not a promotion is it because to me if you're getting
01:32a promotion and a raise and now maybe less responsibility maybe it's like you know senior
01:37advisor or something could be yeah hypothetically yeah it all depends on what you want the rest of
01:42your life i think you should leave see i'm not of the same mindset i i would be okay if
01:49if if you had
01:52accomplished a lot in one place in maybe a different part of your life and you just wanted to be
01:58in that
01:58city you want to be a part of the organization or job whatever it is organization organization then
02:04you know i don't have that same uh you know disdain that you may have all right number two
02:11this is about two friends and a girl dear uh dear john actually says hi john uh me and my
02:17friend of
02:17about eight years both like the same girl he currently is with her but i feel he doesn't deserve her
02:24and he can't provide for her on the level that i can he's a good friend but kind of depressed
02:29and
02:30isn't fully paying attention to her like she deserves do i intervene and try to win her from
02:35him or do i be a good friend and be happy for him even though i'm not happy i know
02:41you always ask if
02:42she's hot or not and to me yes she is hot okay so i think you'd be a good friend
02:48and you you suck
02:51up if it's meant to happen then eventually she'll she'll see the light of day and say there's there's
02:59more options out there now the question i think is going to be more for her am i willing to
03:05date
03:05one friend and figure out that that's not enough it's not the relationship i want it's not what i
03:11want forever but maybe there's this other guy who's a friend can i can i enter a relationship with
03:19him without ruining their friendship and she may not care i don't know but i think that's that's more
03:25the i think for for the guy that is got the hots for his buddy's girlfriend like you just you
03:32bide
03:32your time yeah you can't you can't go steal your buddy's girlfriend away from him and i think you
03:38don't really date her even after they break up if they even do break up right like there there's
03:42like unwritten rules right yeah but once they break up i think there there might be a cooling
03:47off period and then you are but maybe there's a discussion you have with your buddy and say hey i
03:52know
03:52it didn't work out for you but i'd like to shoot my shot well you're you're not going to have
03:56the
03:56same relationship with your buddy if that happens and she also you're not she may not be interested
04:00in you no let her i mean exactly you might think she deserves more but if she chose your buddy
04:05she clearly likes him yeah i mean you have to let her come to the conclusion that he's not right
04:11for
04:11her you can't make that decision for her sorry dude and yeah don't ruin your eight-year friendship
04:18you don't even know if you'd be compatible with this person you've never been right with her that
04:23way go find your own smoke show yeah exactly martha uh my wife doesn't want to move this is a
04:31longer
04:31one so let's spend a little bit of time on it uh this is from chris he writes in dear
04:36john my wife
04:37and i are running into a little issue with moving we currently live in ohio and i know your feelings
04:43about that state i totally agree with you back in december of 2025 we unexpectedly lost my father-in-law
04:50to a medical event to say my wife was devastated is an understatement i'm devastated as well he was a
04:56great friend to me i just got out of the military after eight years and we had talked about moving
05:00back to florida prior to her father passing we spent four years in the panhandle previously and had so
05:06much fun but now she wants to stay in ohio and i want to go to florida i can be
05:11a police officer
05:12here in ohio but my friend is an officer in florida and i could get in pretty easy my wife
05:16and his
05:16wife are good friends so we would have uh friends down there my wife says it's fine oh no but
05:23she is
05:24very anxious about leaving ohio along with leaving her sisters and mom my wife doesn't want our son to
05:31miss out on knowing her mom the way he will miss out on knowing her dad i'm in a tough
05:35bind as to what
05:36to do do do i continue with this plan to move to florida and possibly upset my wife or do
05:43i suck
05:43it up work in ohio and make her happy thanks chris wow that's a that's a really tough decision um
05:52it's been a year since her father passed six months really six months i think it's a little bit early
05:59to make that type of move and i think if i were this individual i would live even though i
06:06would not
06:07choose to live in ohio but if that's where her family is and she's got this big time emotional
06:13event a life event i think it's a little premature to make another life event happen by moving all the
06:23way down to florida she's got a support system there and she may have okay she would still have a
06:28support
06:28system but there's a difference between having friends and having family if she's really close
06:33to her family i would give it at least another year and then broach this subject again yeah there's
06:41nothing more important than family and their child which was in here is only one years old and like
06:46you said this support system i cannot imagine raising my children without the support of my family
06:54it's very different than friends yes they come in and they would help too but
06:59that would be tough for me i wouldn't want to raise my kid away from my family i would like
07:03them to have
07:03a relationship with their grandparents and she already lost her father so she's got her mom is the only
07:08grandparent on her side i don't know about his and where they live his his parents but right but
07:13it's tough i think you got to stay there a little bit longer and then you know just push your
07:18florida
07:19plans you can still do it someday yeah yeah it i think it will always be an option for you
07:24but i think
07:24at this moment it's it's not the right time or it may be the right time for you individually but
07:30when
07:31you said i do it's not just you know me anymore it's this partnership and now you throw a kid
07:38in the
07:38mix and we're in a similar situation because my family is obviously here in detroit and my work my
07:47connections are here in detroit which is why we are here lisa's family is all on the west coast and
07:52we just went out there to visit them she doesn't get to see them they aren't it's different now
07:56because we do have the face time and we do have the ways to communicate with family so you feel
08:01more
08:01connected but it's different than it is with you know teddy doesn't get to see lisa's friends and hang
08:09out with them he doesn't get to see you know gammy and papa as much as he sees grandma and
08:16grandpa
08:16so it's there there's always going to be that give and take of where you are as a family versus
08:23where you really want to be well and let's break it down too what is he sacrificing he can be
08:28a police
08:28officer in both states he's sacrificing the fun that he thinks he could have in florida but you also
08:34have to be a husband and a father first i'm sure they can find some fun somewhere in ohio even
08:39in
08:39ohio yeah well that might be a little bit tougher to do but um here's the other thing is in
08:45a year
08:46all right then you start broaching the subject again and saying hey i want to consider this
08:53and then it becomes what is what's the financial implications is is the pay that much better is
09:01advancement that much better for being a police officer in florida in that you know
09:06where in florida the housing market what's your current situation are you going to buy there
09:11you said within a year is that is that too quick like if you're trying to settle down i'm thinking
09:17about what heather said you want grandma and grandpa to watch a young kid who's one two three four years
09:22bring it up and then and if the conversation is still you know hey the little guy is is really
09:29getting attached to grandma and grandpa here and we need the help from grandma right but also know
09:34that hey life events happen there could be other things that happen that maybe do actually push you
09:40out of the state of ohio and it becomes an opportunity to go to to florida you just don't
09:45know you got to live life and when you're in this partnership you never know where it's going to take
09:51you you there are going to be sacrifices that you need to make because i just go back to like
09:56what
09:56heather said like the whole it takes a village friends aren't gonna drop what they're doing to help you
10:02the same way your sisters or your mom is they step in a lot but i do think it's different
10:08with family
10:09and grandparents grandparents are often retired they have the downtime your friend's like hey i gotta go
10:15to work today like i i can't pinch hit and right take the kid home i i got a meeting
10:19yeah grandma might
10:20not have anything else going on like that support system takes a village it does and and it all depends
10:26on the level of of friend at times are you judging me because as your friend i wouldn't pitch in
10:33oh no
10:34i wouldn't ask you i know you wouldn't no but it's not that you're just not the kid type right
10:40so if i
10:41said hey you want to come watch teddy i can you imagine first of all i would have to make
10:46sure there
10:46were multiple cameras in the house because i think it would be wildly entertaining i think you do a great
10:51job all three together oh yeah i think i think you and kelsey coming over and watching teddy would
10:57be i think teddy would love it but i would i just i and i wouldn't be your first choice
11:03i'm not
11:04saying the cameras because i want i want to make sure teddy's safe i want to see the entertainment
11:09value of me having to like parent a child oh yeah oh well when you come over as a friend
11:14you're not
11:14parenting you're just you're playing you're your babysitter you're like the fun uncle yeah yeah
11:21all right that's dear john it's 97 one hey
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