00:00This is the man you're going to
00:02for advice. All the best advice.
00:04Dear John Jansen at gmail.com
00:05Send in your questions. Today
00:07we have questions about a college degree.
00:10Okay. Date night
00:12and the flower garden.
00:14Oh, water in the garden.
00:16Okay. College degree.
00:18Dear John, am I a bad dad
00:19for saying I don't want to pay for my daughter
00:22to get a useless degree?
00:24We've always said we'd do everything to support
00:26her, but as college costs have ballooned, I put
00:28my foot down. It's going to be over a hundred
00:30grand for her to get a philosophy
00:31degree. What job do you even get
00:33with that? I said, let's pick something in tech
00:36business medicine, something where you can
00:37get a good job. She said, if you don't
00:39support me, I'll just take out loans and
00:41said, I'm controlling. My wife is
00:43upset, but I want to stand my ground.
00:46What should I do? I think there's
00:47probably a happy medium.
00:49And so first of all, I would ask
00:52her that question. What
00:54type of job are you
00:55going to get with that degree? Make her go through
00:57that process of, okay, I'm going to spend four
00:59years. I'm going to get a philosophy degree.
01:01And then what type of
01:03job am I going to get? How much does
01:05that job pay annually?
01:08Like what's the benefit?
01:10And if it's a philosophy
01:11degree to eventually
01:13go to law school or
01:16you know, like it's, it's, it's
01:17what's your plan? That's
01:20the first thing I would ask about.
01:21And then I would say, okay, if I accept that
01:23plan, I, I'm
01:26not in a position to pay
01:28for the entire thing. If you know, and I don't
01:30know if that's the case or not, then
01:32say, okay, well, maybe we'll share the cost
01:34or maybe it's just a, not
01:35every parent can pay for their kid to go to school.
01:38And I'm sorry, but if you're going
01:39to go through these four years and you're going to take
01:42out the loans, then it's even more
01:44important that you go through that exercise
01:45of if I'm going to be a hundred grand
01:47in debt by the time this is said and done
01:50or 70, whatever it is. Cause you can
01:52work while you're in school. Um,
01:54like how long is it going to take me to pay
01:56off that college debt? And
01:58because of the job that I'm going to
01:59get, or do I then have to go and
02:01get another degree, which is going to set
02:03me back? What? Another 50, 70
02:05thousand. What job do I get at that
02:07point? If the ends justify
02:09the means, then go for
02:11it. I mean, I agree
02:13with what you said. I don't think I
02:15would ever discourage my kid from wanting to
02:17go and get the degree they want to do. I think
02:19maybe the dad should do some research as well
02:21and realize, Oh wow, this is what a
02:23philosophy degree could do for my
02:25daughter. And they could sit down together
02:27and maybe do that. So then he'd be educated
02:29too. I think a lot of people have to take
02:31out loans. College is freaking
02:32expensive, right? Like, and there's
02:35nothing wrong with that. I agree with, I
02:37like the, like, maybe
02:39he can contribute some of it. If that was
02:41his plan all along, like, right. If
02:43they earmarked money for this, I don't
02:44think you take it away. Right. Like if that
02:46was his plan, since, you know, a lot of
02:48people start a college fund when your
02:49child is born, like, you're not gonna be
02:51like, sorry, I don't agree with your
02:52philosophy degree. No money for you. If
02:55that was the plan all along, I don't, I
02:57would never do that. Still his money.
03:00And I understand. His money that he's
03:03set aside for, like, the money that I'm
03:05setting aside for my kids is going to go
03:07to, I'm not, I can keep that money. Like
03:10that's going to go for that. Whether
03:11they're going to go to a four-year
03:12degree or they're going to go to a
03:14trade school or they're going to, it's
03:16for that. Yes. And I'm going to
03:17encourage them to choose what they
03:20want. But it does sound like money
03:22might be an issue. And if it is, and
03:25who knows what's going on with his
03:26job, like, do you eventually want to
03:28retire and all of these different
03:29things. If your child is going to get
03:34a degree and ultimately they say, my
03:37favorite answer when I talk to my kids
03:38is, ooh, okay, well, let's go through
03:43this. It's part of life's lessons. You're
03:45going to have to learn that you've got
03:47to, what's the plan? You've got to have
03:49a plan. You're going to be on your own
03:51at some point. What is the plan?
03:53You sound like my dad. To me, I'm like,
03:56you know what? The plan's always going
03:57to change, you know? Life's fluid. Things
04:00are going to come down. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
04:02Yes. Yes. All right. Next one. Date
04:04night. Dear John, my wife and I both have
04:07been so busy with kids and work that we
04:09haven't made enough time for each
04:10other. We've talked about trying to set
04:12up a date night. Any good ideas for ways
04:14we can spend time together besides the
04:16traditional dinner and a movie? I don't
04:19want to get into that rut.
04:23So date night, I mean, I always, I mean,
04:25everything always kind of starts with
04:27dinner, but hey, go to a ball game,
04:31something where it's not, okay, it is
04:33entertainment, but you can talk. You
04:36don't have to be quiet. Like there's
04:37going to be interaction. Um, and maybe
04:41it's, it doesn't even have to be dinner
04:44like, hey, let's go, let's go to the
04:47park and walk a trail. Let's, if you're
04:52Doug Karsh, maybe it's, hey, let's grab
04:54our bike helmets and go for a ride. Uh,
04:57like it could be anything that you or she
04:59is into. And I, Jim, you had mentioned
05:02this, like I, was it a poetry class that
05:04you guys went to, or it's a painting
05:05making a candle making. I wouldn't put
05:09it past it. No, be open to all of those
05:12things. Like it's like, when I talked to
05:14Lisa about this stuff, like it's not
05:15always like my first response as it was
05:18here. Yeah. Go to a ball game. All right.
05:20Oh, that's great for the dude. You might
05:22love that. Yeah. Right. But Hey, be open
05:24to her suggestions as well. Like, Hey, you
05:27know, want to go to a cooking class or, you
05:30know, dance lessons, whatever it might be
05:32that she would also be into, but
05:35something that's interactive versus like,
05:37I don't like the movie thing either.
05:39Didn't you do like a tie dyeing thing
05:41too? Yeah, I think we did. You've done
05:44some different types of dates. I think
05:46we did. There's a place in Corktown that
05:48we went to. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I
05:50mean, I agree with everything you said.
05:51Find something that you guys are into. I
05:53had written that down. Like I like being
05:55outdoors, right? So like hiking, biking,
05:57we like to rollerblade, things like that.
05:59Daytime dates could be fun too. If you
06:01have the time, like, yeah, there's
06:03plenty of places around too. And I
06:05know we talked about this a little bit
06:06with the kids, but if you're into the
06:08outdoors and maybe she is as well, like
06:10Kate, take her fishing. There's a lot of
06:13places you could fish from shore.
06:14Look, I think active is great. And, and
06:16even if you don't have any crazy idea,
06:18you can still do spinoffs of dinner or
06:20a movie. So instead of dinner as a
06:22meal, you can do a picnic, go pick out
06:25the ingredients together, go to the
06:26park. That's a little different than
06:28the same stale sit down at a
06:29restaurant or instead of a movie comedy
06:31show, everybody's laughing. Everybody's
06:33in a good mood. You leave with stuff to
06:34talk about. Yeah. And you, you don't
06:36have to be silent. Yes. Uh, last
06:39lots, lots of ideas. Yeah. Get the ball
06:41rolling flower garden. Dear John, my
06:43wife is excited for springtime and wants
06:45to upgrade our landscaping. She
06:47nervously told me she ordered some
06:49roses and other plants from an out of
06:51state boutique garden. Oh, at first
06:55my thought was what yours might be. How
06:57much is this going to cost? Sure. She
06:59said $500, but then quickly fessed up
07:02that it was a thousand bucks. This
07:04feels outrageous to me, but she's so
07:06excited. Do I tell her to cancel or
07:08suck it up and embrace it? Um, okay.
07:13Well, where's the money coming from? Do
07:15you have the, you know, disposable
07:17income? Even if you do, is that where
07:19you want to spend it? If your wife is
07:22excited about it, it's where she wants
07:24to spend it. Yeah. I mean, so again,
07:26there's a discussion about money here
07:27so much about relationships is whether
07:30it's, you're talking to your kids or
07:31you're talking to your spouse, it's
07:33about the finances. And if, if it fits
07:36the budget, it's not, I mean, that's
07:40generally going to be the least of the
07:42expense. It's the other expense is
07:44going to be, okay, what do I have the
07:46tools to install this? Do we have the
07:49other materials that it's going to take
07:51to install? You got to mulch it when
07:52it's done. Are you going to do raised
07:54flower beds, all of those other
07:56things. And then it's the time that
07:58you spend doing it. And I'll join these
08:01last two together, the date night and
08:03all that stuff. This is a perfect
08:05opportunity. You don't even have to
08:07leave home. You get a chance to spend
08:09time with your wife doing something
08:11that she wants to do. And it's going
08:14to improve. Hopefully it's going to
08:16improve the aesthetics of your home. Maybe
08:19you can recoup it, the curb appeal. If
08:21you're eventually going to sell the
08:22house, I'm all for it. I love home
08:25projects. I love taking on new
08:27projects, especially ones that I
08:29haven't done, trying to figure them
08:30out. It's all interesting to me. And
08:33so I, you know, Hey, give it a shot
08:35at least here or out and see what all
08:39it entails.
08:41I agree. I'd make sure you know how to
08:43keep that plant alive. Make sure you're
08:45planting it in the right area, the right
08:47sunlight. So if you're going to spend a
08:49thousand bucks on a rose plant, you can
08:51keep it alive.
08:52And what's a lot of times these plants
08:54will come with guarantees like, Hey,
08:55they're guaranteed for a year or, you
08:57know, whatever. Make sure you have some
08:58of those.
08:59Yes.
09:00Feedback coming in, send in your
09:02questions. We do it every week.
09:04Dear John Jansen at gmail.com. It's
09:06Dear John 97.1.
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