00:12send them in dear johnjansen at gmail.com you've got questions john has answers the first question
00:19dear john i just had my wedding and wondered if i should be upset or not
00:24okay my dad didn't get me a gift my sister did our cake and we paid her my other sister
00:31did my
00:32wife's makeup which we also paid for and then my stepfather did our decorations again paid for
00:37should be i should i be upset that my dad who didn't contribute a dollar to the wedding also
00:41didn't get us a gift but was glad to be the center of attention at our wedding well i guess
00:48the context
00:49that i would need is where is what is your dad in his financial situation is this something where
00:58he just didn't have the money to be able to contribute assuming that he did like i don't
01:06know why he wouldn't want to does he like your wife i would hope so i hope so um
01:15why was i just ask the question like why didn't you contribute to the wedding and why didn't you
01:20celebrate us in any substantial way you didn't even get us a gift like is is there an issue that
01:27is underlying that you don't know about i would have i would ask that question it's a tough thing
01:32to ask though after the fact i think i would have a lot of trouble doing that normally it's something
01:36i
01:36think you would talk about before the wedding um if it's if you're hoping to get something from him
01:42you could have asked if he was willing to contribute anything um what is the age of these individuals
01:48as well i think it does matter i mean if you're 25 and getting married versus 50 and getting married
01:53oh well yeah it's tough i think it's right to feel a certain way like maybe you feel kind of
02:00upset and
02:00bothered that your dad didn't give you anything but at the end of the day i don't you either be
02:05upset
02:06about it and go on and be upset about it yeah or you just say you know what i'm happy
02:11my dad was
02:12able to witness my wedding let's move on and carry on with life i mean i'll make a few assumptions
02:16that the dad is working and that they have a good relationship because the dad was invited to the
02:20wedding he needs to get a gift he's in the wrong i agree but i also i mean there's a
02:26lot of context
02:26that could go into it in regards to why he didn't did did they ask his opinion about things and
02:32they
02:32just kind of made it feel like his all of his opinions were disregarded now if he wasn't paying for
02:38anything i don't know how much weight his opinion could possibly have right um and it it's disappointing
02:45an expensive gift either it could be just something thoughtful or sentimental even right just to to mark
02:50the moment recognize the fact that this is a major moment in your son's life um and you don't want
02:58to
02:58start things off because eventually i would think i mean who knows there'd be grandkids do you want to
03:04have this hanging over right for you know what could have been 150 or 200 gift that's why i mean
03:10i agree with you i think most people if you're going to attend a wedding especially father you're
03:15going to give a gift but if this is going to be something that could carry on i would just
03:20say you
03:21know what let's move on yeah right this next one is from heather yeah i'll read as it as it's
03:27written
03:27dear john is it worth driving all the way to glen arbor for basically one day colin wants to go
03:33up
03:33friday after i come home from work and then come home sunday night he thinks it would be fun to
03:38go up
03:38with his family have a change of scenery but i think it sounds like an expensive hassle you know am
03:44i being
03:45a party pooper or uh do i actually have a point i will give you some more details okay so
03:50the place we
03:52would stay is free we'll be staying at his brother's condo who cannot use the the condo um so we're
03:58not
03:58paying for where we would stay it takes about four hours to get there from our house just under um
04:04not dog friendly so we have to board the dogs which we called and found out the price it's like
04:09almost
04:09380 bucks to board the dogs right but you're not paying for you guys to stay anywhere you're just
04:14paying for the dogs to stay somewhere yes that's right um and to me i feel like okay by the
04:19time
04:19we get up there it's going to be about four o'clock we'll go have dinner we'll kind of get
04:24settled get
04:25the kids down to bed then we're going to have all day saturday have a half day sunday and then
04:29drive
04:29all the way home i think we could do some fun things here at home why not go hit up
04:36a cider milk go to
04:37the apple orchard do some fun activities without having to spend um as much time in the car and as
04:43much
04:43money is there going to be anyone else that's up there yes so his mom is going up and his
04:49sister
04:49and her child's our niece when was the last time that you guys had that quality time with your in
04:57-laws
04:58that quality time that the word is quality yes not in a long time i mean we see them quite
05:02frequently
05:03we don't live far away from each other sure um it's different when you are out of the area
05:08and you are siding with con on vacation i'm also an individual that used to have that place up north
05:16and whether i was just going up there for a weekend i would fly in from dc for a weekend
05:25up north and
05:26then fly back because the fall for me is the ultimate time to be up north we're starting to see
05:35some leaves change here it's going to be amazing up there and so i what i don't want to get
05:41into
05:41and this is how i would handle it i don't know this is how you guys would if you get
05:45up there at four
05:46i was thinking you probably wouldn't get up there until five well it could be five right but you do
05:50go to dinner and yes it's going to get darker earlier up there but you could still let the kids
05:55play around they could still be with you know grandma and family and then put them down you get up
06:01and it's an entire day's worth of activities with his family same thing on sunday morning
06:08i think it's worth the investment so i'm being a party pooper and and and so i just i guess
06:15i would
06:15then go back to has there been a time recently where you wanted to do something on a similar level
06:23and he didn't where it's getting to he thinks i don't want to go because i don't want to hang
06:27out
06:27with his family and that's not the case at all because he says if it was my family going up
06:32i
06:32would totally be all about it would you no because your thing is the drive and it's you we got
06:37little
06:37kids we got to pack so much junk just for bedtimes right we got to have the sound machine the
06:43sleep
06:43sex the this the this like where are they going to sleep we're all going to be in one room
06:46that
06:47sounds awful it just doesn't sound i feel like we could have a great day right here at home on
06:53saturday sleeping bear dunes right you've got the lake the fall foliage and we all know that
06:59there's great bakeries and restaurants up there i i'm we have all those things right here we just
07:03don't have the lake i understand that but there is something different about being removed from
07:08your normal environment and so let me okay let me ask you this too this is the first weekend in
07:16october and i know the color hits up there earlier it's probably not going to be full color yet but
07:21when is the next time that you could take well a a trip like this where you're not paying for
07:29where you're going but you're still going to have to board the animals well we are going to saga talk
07:33the following weekend are you taking the dogs yes we're taking the dogs so we already have a weekend
07:38so not only are you taking the stuff because i was able to take a day you're also taking stuff
07:42for
07:43the dogs because they obviously have to have food and all this i'm going it sounds like i should go
07:48i'm
07:48going i know the listeners are going to stand in judgment i want to provide a couple extra things
07:52that have come up off air right so one of the things is colin is playing this so well right
07:57he
07:57said well i'll i'll take both the kids so that's also come up first he was like well what if
08:02i take
08:02the kids and then i thought well gosh i don't want to miss out on a weekend away from my
08:06kids like
08:07they're going to be creating memories no i'm not about that then he thought well what if i just take
08:11emily and i stay home with brooks because he's also going to miss his soccer class so i could
08:15stay home and he could do soccer and then i thought well that just seems weird i don't want
08:20to divide the family but here and then he's also mentioned it to emily who's very excited to go up
08:26north he's that's the move she gets the puppy dog eyes mommy i want to go up and see yeah
08:30i want to
08:31see grandma i want to go on vacation grandma all the time but heather has one point that also needs
08:35to get brought up colin is springing this too close to last second because you would have taken
08:40tomorrow off had i had enough notice we have to have at least two weeks to take a day off
08:45so
08:46and i already had i'm already taking two days off in october so i felt like a third was yeah
08:51extreme
08:51take monday or pull a dog and come back at like 1 a.m leave at 1 a.m on
08:56sunday or the the normal
09:01heather move is i'm sick or i missed my flight
09:06oh my god oh we ran out of gas i'm sorry i'm just gonna have to spend one more day
09:12up here
09:12yeah i i heather i'm sorry um but on the on on here's what can't happen is you guys go
09:22up and then
09:23you're grumpy being up there the entire time if that's going to be the case then let him take the
09:28kids it's okay and you can have an entire weekend like you we just talked about this with the the
09:34lions you took the kids to the zoo i'm sure he was disappointed oh well they're going to be making
09:39these memories but he was accepting of the fact that i get stay home the lions game and you want
09:45to stay home so just let it happen ah just let it happen i don't think she got the answer
09:50she
09:50wanted but people can call and text as well 248-539-9797 we heather hijacked dear john we'll
09:57save that might be the worst answer that colin could get fine i'll go up to because then she's
10:03not going to be in a good mood it's so expensive i understand gas is expensive if we didn't get
10:08to
10:09your dear john school bus like it's it's a lot it's a lot we will send them in dear johnjansen
10:13at gmail.com it's 97 one
10:15you
